THE
ART OF SEDUCTION ROBERT GREENE Choose the Right Victim 2 Create a False Sense
of Security-Approach Indirectly Send Mixed Signals Appear to Be an Object of
Desire- Create Triangles Create a Need-Stir Anxiety and Discontent () Master
the Art of Insinuation 7 Enter Their Spirit Create Temptation Keep Them in
Suspense-What Comes Next? Use the Demonic Power of Words to Sow Confusion Pay
Attention to Detail A Penguin Book £ Psychology www.penguin.com THE ART OF SEDUCTION
ROBERT GREENE rci A JOOST ELFFERS BOOK Get what you want by manipulating every
one's greatest weakness: the desire for pleasure. Seduction is the most subtle,
elusive, and effective form of power. It's as evident in John F. Kennedy's hold
over the masses as it is in Cleopatra's hold over Antony. Now, the author of
the bestselling The 48 Lazes of Pozeer has written a handbook synthesizing the
classic literature of seduction from Freud to Kierkegaard and Ovid to Casanova,
with cunning strategies illustrated by the successes and failures of characters
throughout history. And once again Robert Greene identifies the rules of a
timeless, amoral game and explores how to cast a spell, break down resistance,
and, ultimately, compel a target to surrender. The Art of Seduction takes us
through the characters and qualities of the ten archetypal figures of seduction
(including the Siren, the Ideal Lover, the Dandy, the Natural, the Charismatic,
and the Star) and the twenty-four maneuvers by which anyone can overcome a
victim's futile resistance to the practice of this devastating and timeless art
form. Every bit as essential as The 48 Lazes ofPozver, The Art of Seduction is
an indispensable primer of persuasion that reveals one of history's greatest
weapons and the ultimate form of power. ISBN Poeticize Your Presence Disarm Through
Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability Confuse Desire and Reality- The Perfect
Illusion i Isolate the Victim , 1 ( Prove Yourself 1 Effect a Regression j 18
Stir Up the \ Transgressive and Taboo Use Spiritual Lures 2 ( Mix Pleasure with
Pain 21 Give Them Space to Fall-The ¦ Pursuer Is Pursued f I 22 Use Physical j
Lures 13 Master the Art of the Bold i Move Beware ' i of the Aftereffects
0-14-200119-8 U.S. $16.00 CAN. $24.00 PENGUIN BOOKS THE ART OF SEDUCTION Robert
Greene, author of The 48 Laws of Power, has a degree in classical literature.
He lives in Los Angeles. Visit his Web site: www.seductionbook.com Joost Elf
fers is the producer of Viking Studio's bestselling The Secret Language of
Birthdays, The Secret Language of Relationships, as well as Play with Your
Food. He lives in New York City. the art of seduction Robert Greene A Joost
Elffers Book PENGUIN BOOKS PENGUIN BOOKS Published by the Penguin Group Penguin
Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A. Penguin
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Strand, London WC2R ORL, England First published in the United States of
America by Viking Penguin, a member of Penguin Putnam Inc. 2001 Published in
Penguin Books 2003 13579 10 8642 Copyright (c) Robert Greene and Joost Elffers,
2001 All rights reserved Every effort has been made to trace copyright holders.
The publisher apologizes for any errors or omissions in the hst that follows
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FOLLOWS: Greene Robert. The art of seduction / Robert Greene, p. cm. "A
Joost Elffers book." ISBN 0-670-89192-4 (he.) ISBN 0 14 20.0119 8 (pbk.)
1. Sexual excitement. 2. Sex instruction. 3. Seduction. I.Title. HQ31 .G82 2001
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Random House, Inc. Seduction by Jean Baudrillard, translated by Brian Singer.
St. Martin's Press, 1990. Copyright (c) New World Perspectives. 1990. Reprinted
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reserved. Reprinted by permission of the publisher. BehindtheMask:
OnSexualDemons, SacredMothers, Transvestites, Gangsters and Other Japanese
Cultural Heroes by Ian Buruma, Random blouse UK, 1984. Reprinted with
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Publishers, Inc., 1979. Reprinted with permission. Lenin: The Man Behind the
Mask by Ronald W. Clark, Faber & Faber Ltd., 1988. Reprinted with
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1927. Copyright 1927 by Alfred A. Knopf. Inc. Reprinted with permission. The
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Books Ltd. The Life of an Amorous Woman and Other Writings by Ihara Saikaku,
translated by Ivan Morris. Copyright (c) 1963 by New Directions Publishing
Corp. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp. "The
Seducer's Diary" fiom Either/Or, Part 1 by Spren Kierkegaard, translated
by Howard V. Hong and Edna H. Hong. Copyright (c) 1987 by Princeton University
Press. Reprinted by permission of Princeton University Press. Sirens: Symbols
of Seduction by Meri Lao, translated by John Oliphant of Rossie, Park Street
Press, Rochester. Vermont, 1998. Reprinted with permission. Lives of the
Courtesans by Lynne Lawner, Rizzoli, 1987. Reprinted with permission of the
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edited with a commentary by Oscar Mandel. Copyright (c) 1963 by the University
of Nebraska Press. Copyright (c) renewed 1991 by the University of Nebraska
Press. Reprinted by permission of the University of Nebraska Press. Don Juan
and the Point of Horror by James Mandrell. Reprinted with permission of Penn
State University Press. Bel-Ami by Guy de Maupassant, translated by Douglas
Parmee (Penguin Classics, 1975). Copyright (c) Douglas Parmee. 1975. Reprinted
by permission of Penguin Books Ltd. The Arts and Secrets of Beauty by Lola
Montez, Chelsea House, 1969. Used with permission. The Age of the Crowd by
Serge Moscovici. Reprinted with permission ot Cambridge University Press. The
Tale ofGenji by Murasaki Shikibu, translated by Edward G. Seidensncker, Alfred
A. Knopf, 1976. Copyright (c) 1976 by Edward G. Seidensticker. Reprinted by
permission of the publisher. The Erotic Poems by Ovid, translated by Peter
Green (Penguin Classics, 1982). Copyright (c) Peter Green, 1982. Reprinted by
permission of Penguin Books Ltd. The Metamorphoses by Ovid, translated by Mary
M. Innes (Penguin Classics, 1955). Copyright (c) Mary M. Innes, 1955. Reprinted
by permission of Penguin Books Ltd. My Sister, My Spouse: A Biography of Lou
Andreas-Salome by H. F. Peters, W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 1962.
Reprinted with permission. The. Symposium by Plato, translated by Walter
Hamilton (Penguin Classics, 1951). Copyright (c) Walter Hamilton. 1951. Reprinted
by permission of Penguin Books Ltd. The Rise and Fall of Athens: Nine Greek
Lives by Plutarch, translated by Ian Scott-Kilvert (Penguin Classics, 1960).
Copyright (c) Ian Scott-Kilvert, 1960. Reprinted by permission of Penguin Hooks
Ltd. Love Declared by Denis de Rougemont, translated by Richard Howard.
Reprinted by permission of Random House, Inc. The Wisdom of Life and Counsels
and Maxims by Arthur Schopenhauer, translated by T. Bailey Saunders (Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 1995).
Reprinted by permission of the publisher. The Pillow Book of Sei Shonagon by
Sei Shonagon, translated and edited by Ivan Morris, Columbia University Press. 1991. Reprinted by
permission of Columbia University Press. Liaison by Joyce Wadler, published by Bantam
Books, 1993. Reprinted by permission of the author. Max Weber: Essays in Sociology by Max
Weber,edited and translated by H. H. Certh and C. Wright Mills. Copyright 1946,
1958 by H. H. Gerth and C. Wright Mills. Used by permission of Oxford University Press, Inc. The Game of Hearts:
Harriette Wilson & Her Memoirs edited by LesleyBlanch. Copyright (c) 1955
by Lesley Blanch. Reprinted with permission of Simon & Schuster. To the
memory ofmyfather Acknowledgments First, I would like to thank Anna Biller for
her countlesscontributions to this book: the research, the many discussions,
her invaluable help with the text itself, and, last but not least, her
knowledge of the art of seduction, of which I have been the happy victim on
numerous occasions. I must thank my mother, Laurette, for supporting me so
steadfastly throughout this project and for being my most devoted fan. I would
like to thank Catherine Leouzon, who some years ago introduced me to Les
Liaisons Dangereuses and the world of Valmont. I would like to thank David
Frankel, for his deft editing and for his much-appreciated advice; Molly Stern
at Viking Penguin, for overseeing the project and helping to shape it;
RadhaPancham, for keeping it all organized and being so patient; and Brett
Kelly, for moving things along. With heavy heart I would like to pay tribute to
my cat Boris, who for thirteen years watched over me as I wrote and whose presence
is sorely missed. His successor, Brutus, has proven to be a worthy muse.
Finally, I would like to honor my father. Words cannot express how much I miss
him and how much he has inspired my work. Contents Acknowlegments • ix Preface • xix Part One The Seductive Character
The Siren A man is often secretly
oppressed by the role he has to play-by always having to be responsible, in
control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because
she offers a total release from the limitations of his life. In her presence,
which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to
a realm of pure pleasure. In a world where women are often too timid to project
such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying
hisfantasy. The Rake page A woman never quite feels desired and appreciated
enough. She wants attention, but a man is too often distracted and
unresponsive. The Rake is a great female fantasy-figure -w hen he desires a
woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the earth for
her. He may be disloyal, dishonest, and amoral, but that only adds to his
appeal. Stir a woman's repressed longings by adapting the Rake's mix of danger
and pleasure. The Ideal Lover Most people have dreams in their youth that get
shattered or worn down with age. They find themselves disappointed by people,
events, reality, which cannot match their youthful ideals. Ideal Lovers thrive
on people's broken dreams, which become lifelong fantasies. You long for
romance? Adventure? Lofty spiritual communion? The Ideal Lover reflects your
fantasy. He or she is an artist in creating the illusion you require. In a
world of disenchantment and baseness, there is limitless seductive power in
following the path of the Ideal Lover. The Dandy Most of us feel trapped within
the limited roles that the world expects us to play. We are instantly attracted
to those who are more fluid than we are-those who create their own persona.
Dandies excite us because they cannot be categorized, and hint at a freedom we
want for ourselves. They play with masculinity and femininity; they fashion
their own physical image, which is always startling. Use the power of the Dandy
to create an ambiguous, alluring presence that stirs represseddesires. The
Natural. Childhood is the golden paradise we are always consciously or
unconsciously trying to re-create. The Natural embodies the longed-for
qualities of childhood - spontaneity, sincerity, unpretentiousness. In the
presence of Naturals, wefeel at ease, caught up in their playful spirit,
transported back to that golden age. Adopt the pose of the Natural to
neutralize people's defensiveness and infect them with helpless delight. The
Coquette The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of
seduction-while waiting, the victim is held in thrall. Coquettes are the grand
masters of the game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between hope and
frustration. They bait with the promise of reward-the hope of physical
pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power-all of which, however, proves
elusive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them the more. Imitate the
alternating heat and coolness of the Coquette and you will keep the seduced at
your heels. The Charmer Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate
manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and
comfort. Their method is simple: They deflect attention from themselves and
focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to
your moods. In the presence of a Charmer youfeel better about yourself. Learn
to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity
and self-esteem. The Charismatic Charisma is a presence that excites us. It
comes from an inner quality - self-confidence, sexual energy, sense of purpose,
contentment-that most people lack and want. This quality radiates outward,
permeating the gestures of Charismatics, making them seem extraordinary and
superior. They learn to heighten their charisma with a piercing gaze, fiery
oratory, an air of mystery. Create the charismatic illusion by radiating
intensity while remaining detached. The Star Daily life is harsh, and most of
us constantly seek escapefrom it infantasies and dreams. Stars feed on this
weakness; standing out from others through a distinctive and appealing style,
they make us want to watch them. At the same time, they are vague and ethereal,
keeping their distance, and letting us imagine more than is there. Their
dreamlike quality works on our unconscious. Learn to become an object
offascination by projecting the glittering but elusive presence of the Star.
The Anti-Seducer Seducers draw you in by the focused, individualized attention
they pay to you. Anti-seducers are the opposite: insecure, self-absorbed, and
unable to grasp the psychology of another person, they literally repel
Anti-Seducers have no self-awareness, and never realize when they are
pestering, imposing, talking too much. Root out anti-seductive qualities in
yourself and recognize them in others-there is no pleasure or profit in dealing
with the Anti-Seducer. The Seducer's Victims-The Eighteen Types Part Two The
Seductive Process Phase One: Separation-Stirring Interest and Desire 1 Choose
the Right Victim Everything depends on the target of your seduction. Study your
prey thoroughly, and choose only those who will prove susceptible to your
charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill a void, who see in
you something exotic. They are often isolated or unhappy, or can easily be made
so-for the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce. The
perfect victim has some quality that inspires strong emotions in you, making
your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim
allows for the perfect chase. 2 Create a False Sense of Security-Approach
Indirectly If you are too direct early on, you risk stirring up a resistance
that will never be lowered. At first there must be nothing of the seducer in
your manner. The seduction should begin at an angle, indirectly, so that the
target only gradually becomes aware of you. Haunt the periphery of your
target's life-approach through a third party, or seem to cultivate a relatively
neutral relationship, moving gradually from friend to lover. Lull the target
into feeling secure, then strike. 3 Send Mixed Signals Once people are aware of your presence, and
perhaps vaguely intrigued, you need to stir theirinterest before it settles on
someone else. Most of us are much too obvious - instead, be hard to figure out.
Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual and earthly, both
innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, whichfascinates even
as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more,
drawing them into your circle. Create
such a power by hinting at something contradictory within you. 4 Appear to Be
an Object of Desire-Create Triangles Few are drawn to the person whom others
avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted
interest. To draw your victims closer and make them hungry to possess you, you
must create an aura of desirability-of being wanted and courted by many. It
will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of your
attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers. Build a reputation that
precedes you: If many have succumbed to your charms, there must be a reason. 5
Create a Need-Stir Anxiety and Discontent pA perfectly satisfied person cannot
be seduced. Tension and disharmony must be instilled in your targets minds.
Stir within them feelings of discontent, an unhappiness with their
circumstances and with themselves. The feelings of inadequacy that you create
will give you space to insinuate yourself to make them see you as the answer to
their problems. Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure. Learn
to manufacture the need that you can fill. 6 Master the Art of Insinuation
Making your targets feel dissatisfied and in need of your attention is
essential, but if you are too obvious, they will see through you and grow
defensive. There is no known defense, however, against insinuation-the art of
planting ideas in people's minds by dropping elusive hints that take root days later,
even appearing to them as their own idea. Create a sublanguage - bold
statements followed by retraction and apology, ambiguous comments, banal talk
combined with alluring glances-that enters the target's unconscious to convey
your real meaning. Make everything suggestive. 1 Enter Their Spirit Most people
are locked in their own worlds, making them stubborn and hard to persuade. The
way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their
spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adapt yourself to their
moods. In doing so you will stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their
defenses. Indulge your targets' every mood and whim, giving them nothing to
react against or resist. 8 Create Temptation Lure the target deep into your
seduction by creating the proper temptation: a glimpse of the pleasures to
come. As the serpent tempted Eve with the promise offorbidden knowledge, you
must awaken a desire in your targets that they cannot control. Find that
weakness of theirs, that fantasy that has yet to be realized, and hint that you
can lead them toward it. The key is to keep it vague. Stimulate a curiosity
stronger than the doubts and anxieties that go with it, and they will follow
you. Phase Two: Lead Astray-Creating Pleasure and Confusion 9 Keep Them in
Suspense-What Comes Next? page 241 The moment people feel they know what to
expect from you, your spell on them is broken. More: You have ceded them power.
The only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create
suspense, a calculated surprise. Doing something they do not expectfrom you
will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity-they will not be able to
foresee what comes next. You are always one step ahead and in control. Give the
victim a thrill with a sudden change of direction. 10 Use the Demonic Power of
Words to Sow Confusion It is hard to make people listen; they are consumed with
their own thoughts and desires, and have little time for yours. The trick to
making them listen is to say what they want to hear, to fill their ears with
whatever is pleasant to them. This is the essence of seductive language.
Inflame people's emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their
insecurities, envelop them in sweet words and promises, and not only will they
listen to you, they will lose their will
to resist you. 11 Pay Attention to Detail Lofty words of love and grand
gestures can be suspicious: Why are you trying so hard to please? The details
of a seduction-the subtle gestures, the offhand things you do-are often more
charming and revealing. You must learn to distract your victims with a myriad
of pleasant little rituals-thoughtful gifts tailored justfor them, clothes and
adornments designed to please them, gestures that show the time and attention
you are paying them. Mesmerized by what they see, they will not notice what you
are really up to. 12 Poeticize Your Presence Important things happen when your
targets are alone: The slightest feeling of relief that you are not there, and
it is all over. Familiarity and overexposure will cause this reaction. Remain
elusive, then. Intrigue your targets by alternating an exciting presence with a
cool distance, exuberant moments followed by calculated absences.
Associateyourselfwithpoeticimages and objects, so that when they think of you,
they begin to see you through an idealized halo. The more you figure in their
minds, the more they will envelop you in seductive fantasies. 13 Disarm Through
Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability Too much maneuvering on your part may
raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person
feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by
the other person, and unable to control yourself you will make your actions
look more natural, less calculated. Physical weakness -t ears, bashfulness,
paleness-will help create the effect. Play the victim, then transform your
target's sympathy into love. 14 Confuse Desire and Reality-The Perfect Illusion
To compensate for the difficulties in their lives, people spend a lot of their
time daydreaming, imagining a future full of adventure, success, and romance.
Ifyou can create the illusion that through you they can live out their dreams,
you will have them at your mercy. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted
or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of
reason. Lead the seduced to a point of confusion in which they can no longer tell the difference
between illusion and reality. 15 Isolate the Victim page 309 An isolated person
is weak. By slowly isolating your victims, you make them more vulnerable to
your influence. Take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, home.
Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo-they are leaving one world
behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside
support, and in their confusion they are easily led astray. Lure the seduced
into your lair, where nothing is familiar. Phase Three: The Precipice-Deepening
the Effect Through Extreme Measures 16 Prove Yourself page 321 Most people want
to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it is probably because you ham' not
gone far enough to allay their doubts-about your motives, the depth of your
feelings, and so on. One well-timed action that shows how far you are willing
to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking
foolish or making a mistake-any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for
your targets' sake will so overwhelm their emotions, they won't notice anything
else. 17 Effect a Regression page 333 People who have experienced a certain
kind of pleasure in the past will try to repeat or relive it. The
deepest-rooted and most pleasurable memories are usually those from earliest
childhood, and are often unconsciously associated with a parental figure. Bring
your targets back to that point by placing yourself in the oedipal triangle and
positioning them as the needy child. Unaware of the cause of their emotional
response, they will fall in love with you. 18 Stir Up the Transgressive and
Taboo page 349 There are always social limits on what one can do. Some of
these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are more
superficial, simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your
targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely
seductive. People yearn to explore their dark side. Once the desire to
transgress draws your targets to you, it will be hard for them to stop. Take
them farther than they imagined-the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will
create a powerful bond. 19 Use Spiritual Lures Everyone has doubts and
insecurities-about their body, their self-worth, their sexuality. If your
seduction appeals exclusively to the physical, you will stir up these doubts
and make your targets self-conscious. Instead, lure them out of their
insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a
religious experience, a lofty work of art, the occult. Lost in a spiritual
mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited. Deepen the effect of your
seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two
souls. 20 Mix Pleasure with Pain The
greatest mistake in seduction is being too nice. At first, perhaps, your
kindness is charming, but it soon grows monotonous; you are trying too hard to
please, and seem insecure. Instead of overwhelming your targets with niceness,
try inflicting some pain. Make them feel guilty and insecure. Instigate a
breakup-now a rapprochement, a return to your earlier kindness, will turn them
weak at the knees. The lower the lows you create, the greater the highs. To
heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement of fear. Phase Four: Moving
In for the Kill 21Give Them Space to Fall-The Pursuer Is Pursued If your targets become too used to you as the
aggressor, they will give less of their own energy, and the tension will
slacken. You need to wake them up, turn the tables. Once they are under your
spell, take a step bach and they will start to come after you. Hint that you
are growing bored. Seem interested in someone else. Soon they will want to
possess you physically, and restraint will go out the window. Create the
illusion that the seducer is being seduced. 22 Use Physical Lures Targets with
active minds are dangerous: If they see through your manipulations, they may
suddenly develop doubts. Put their minds gently to rest, and waken their
dormant senses, by combining a nondefensive attitude with a charged sexual
presence. While your cool, nonchalant air is loweringtheirinhibitions,yourglances,voice,and
bearing-oozing sex and desire-are getting under their skin and raising their
temperature. Never force the physical; instead infect your targets with heat,
lure them into lust. Morality, judgment, and concern for the future will all
melt away. 23 Master the Art of the Bold Move A moment has arrived: Your victim
clearly desires you, but is not ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it.
This is the time tothrow aside chivalry,kindness, and coquetry and to overwhelm
with a bold move. Don't give the victim time to consider the consequences.
Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself as opposed
to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms. One person must go on the
offensive, and it is you. 24 Beware the Aftereffects Danger follows in the
aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have reached a pitch, they
often swing in the opposite direction-toward lassitude, distrust,
disappointment. If you are to part, make the sacrifice swift and sudden. If you
are to stay in a relationship, beware a flagging of energy, a creeping
familiarity that will spoil the fantasy. A second seduction is required. Never
let the other person take you for granted-use absence, create pain and
conflict, to keep the seduced on tenterhooks. Seductive Environment/Seductive
Time Soft Seduction: How to Sell
Anything to the Masses Thousands of years ago, power was mostly gained through
physical violence and maintained with brute strength. There was little need for
subtlety-a king or emperor had to be merciless. Only a select few had power,
but no one suffered under this scheme of things more than women. They had no
way to compete, no weapon at their disposal that could make a man do what they
wanted-politically, socially, or even in the home. Of course men had one
weakness: their insatiable desire for sex. A woman could always toy with this
desire, but once she gave in to sex the man was back in control; and if she
withheld sex, he could simply look elsewhere-or exert force. What good was a
power that was so temporary and frail?Yet women had no choice but to submit to
this condition. There were some, though, whose hunger for power was too great,
and who, over the years, through much cleverness and creativity, invented a way
of turning the dynamic around, creating a more lasting and effective form of
power. These women-among them Bathsheba, from the Old Testament; Helen of Troy;
the Chinese siren Hsi Shi; and the greatest of them all, Cleopatra-invented
seduction. First they would draw a man in with an alluring appearance,
designing their makeup and adornment to fashion the image of a goddess come to
life. By showing only glimpses of flesh, they would tease a man's imagination,
stimulating the desire not just for sex but for something greater: the chance
to possess a fantasy figure. Once they had their victims' interest, these women would
lure them away from the mascu line world of war and politics and get them to
spend time in the feminine world-a world
of luxury, spectacle, and pleasure. They might also lead them astray literally, taking them on a
journey, as Cleopatra lured Julius Caesar
on a trip down the Nile. Men would grow hooked on these refined, sensual pleasures-they would fall in love. But
then, invariably, the women would turn
cold and indifferent, confusing their victims. Just when the men wanted more,
they found their pleasures withdrawn. They would be forced into pursuit, trying anything to win
back the favors they once had tasted and growing weak and emotional in the
process. Men who had physical force and all the social power-men like King
David, the Trojan Paris, Julius Caesar, Mark Antony, King Fu Chai-would find
themselves becoming the slave of a woman. In the face of violence and
brutality, these women made seduction a Oppression and scorn, thus, were and
must have been generally the share of women in emerging societies; this state
lasted in all its force until centuries of experience taught them to substitute
skill for force. Women at last sensed that, since they were weaker, their only
resource was to seduce; they understood that if they were dependent on men
through force, men could become dependent on them through pleasure. More
unhappy than men, they must have thought and reflected earlier than did men;
they were the first to know that pleasure was always beneath the idea that one
formed of it, and that the imagination went farther than nature. Once these
basic truths were known, they learned first to veil their charms in order to
awaken curiosity; they practiced the difficult art of refusing even as they
wished to consent; from that moment on, they knew how to set men's imagination
afire, they knew how to arouse and direct desires as they pleased: thus did
beauty and love come into being; now the lot of women became less harsh, not
that they had managed to liberate themselves entirely from the state of
oppression to which their weakness condemned them; but, in the state of
perpetual war that continues to exist between women and men, one has seen them,
with the help of the caresses they have been able to invent, combat
ceaselessly, sometimes vanquish, and often more skillfully take advantage of
the forces directed against them; sometimes, too, men have turned against women
these weapons the women had forged to combat them, and their slavery has become
all the harsher for it. -CHODERLOS DE LACLOS, ON THE EDUCATION OF WOMEN,
TRANSLATED BY LYDIA DAVIS, IN THE LIBERTINE READER, EDITED BY MICHAEL FEHER Much more genius is needed to make love than
to command armies.-NINON DEL'ENCLOS Menelaus, if you are really going to kill
her, Then my blessing go with you, but you must do it now, Before her looks so
twist the strings of your heart That they turn your mind; for her eyes are like
armies, And where her glances fall, there cities burn, Until the dust of their
ashes is blown By her sighs. I know her, Men elans, \ And so do you. And all
those who know her suffer. - HECUBA SPEAKING ABOUT HELEN OF TROY IN EURIPIDES,
THE TROJAN WOMEN, TRANSLATED BY NEIL CURRY sophisticated art, the ultimate form
of power and persuasion. They learned to work on the mind first, stimulating
fantasies, keeping a man wanting more, creating patterns of hope and
despair-the essence of seduction. Their power was not physical but psychological,
not forceful but indirect and cunning. These first great seductresses were like
military generals planning the destruction of an enemy, and indeed early
accounts of seduction often compare it to battle, the feminine version of
warfare. For Cleopatra, it was a means of consolidating an empire. In
seduction, the woman was no longer a passive sex object; she had become an
active agent, a figure of power. With a few exceptions-the Latin poet Ovid, the
medieval troubadours-men did not much concern themselves with such a frivolous
art as seduction. Then, in the seventeenth century came a great change; men
grew interested inseductionasaway to overcome a young woman's resistance to
sex. History's first great male seducers-the Duke de Lauzun, the different
Spaniards who inspired the Don Juan legend-began to adopt the methods
traditionally employed by women. They learned to dazzle with their appearance
(often androgynous in nature), to stimulate the imagination, to play the
coquette. They also added a new, masculine element to the game: seductive
language, for they had discovered a woman's weakness for soft words. These two
forms of seduction-the feminine use of appearances and the masculine use of
language-would often cross gender lines; Casanova would dazzle a woman with his
clothes; Ninon de l'Enclos would charm a man with her words. At the same time
that men were developing their version of seduction, others began to adapt the
art for social purposes. As Europe's feudal system of government faded into the
past, courtiers needed to get their way in court without the use of force. They
learned the power to be gained by seducing their superiors and competitors
through psychological games, soft words, a little coquetry. As culture became
democratized, actors, dandies, and artists came to use the tactics of seduction
as a way to charm and win over their audience and social milieu. In the
nineteenth century another great change occurred; politicians like Napoleon
consciously saw themselves as seducers, on a grand scale. These men depended on
the art of seductive oratory, but they also mastered what had once been
feminine strategies: staging vast spectacles, using theatrical devices,
creating a charged physical presence. All this, they learned, was the essence
of charisma-and remains so today. By seducing the masses they could accumulate
immense power without the use of force. Today we have reached the ultimate
point in the evolution of seduction. Now more than ever, force or bmtality of
any kind is discouraged. All areas of social life require the ability to
persuade people in a way that does not offend or impose itself. Forms of
seduction can be found everywhere, blending male and female strategies.
Advertisements insinuate, the soft sell dominates. If we are to change people's
opinions-and affecting opinion is basic to seduction-we must act in subtle,
subliminal ways. Today no political campaign can work without seduction. Since
the era of John F. Kennedy, political figures are required to have a degree of
charisma, a fascinating presence to keep their audience's attention, which is
half the battle. The film world and media create a galaxy of seductive stars
and images. We are saturated in the seductive. But even if much has changed in
degree and scope, the essence of seduction is constant: never be forceful or
direct; instead, use pleasure as bait, playing on people's emotions, stirring
desire and confusion, inducing psychological surrender. In seduction as it is
practiced today, the methods of Cleopatra still hold. People are constantly
trying to influence us, to tell us what to do, and just as often we tune them
out, resisting their attempts at persuasion. There is a moment in our lives,
however, when weall act differently-when we are in love. We fall under a kind
of spell. Our minds are usually preoccupied with our own concerns; now they
become filled with thoughts of the loved one. We grow emotional, lose the
ability to think straight, act in foolish ways that we would never do
otherwise. If this goes on long enough something inside us gives way: we
surrender to the will of the loved one, and to our desire to possess them.
Seducers are peoplewho understand the tremendous power contained in such
moments of surrender. They analyze what happens when people are in love, study the
psychological components of the process-what spurs the imagination, what casts
a spell. By instinct and through practice they master the art of making people
fall in love. As the first seductresses knew, it is much more effective to
create love than lust. A person in love is emotional, pliable, and
easilymisled. (The origin of the word "seduction" is the Latin for
"to lead astray") A person in lust is harder to control and, once
satisfied, may easily leave you. Seducers take their time, create enchantment
and the bonds of love, so that when sex ensues it only further enslaves the
victim. Creating love and enchantment becomes the model for all
seductions-sexual, social, political. A person in love will surrender. It is
pointless to try to argue against such power, to imagine that you are not
interested in it, or that it is evil and ugly. The harder you try to resist the
lure of seduction-as an idea, as a form of power-the more you will find
yourself fascinated. The reason is simple: most of us have known the power of
having someone fall in love with us. Our actions, gestures, the things we say,
all have positive effects on this person; we may not completely understand what
we have done right, but this feeling of power is intoxicating. It gives us
confidence, which makes us more seductive. We may also experience this in a
social or work setting-one day we are in ait elevated mood and people seem more
responsive, more charmed by us. These moments of power are fleeting, but they
resonate in the memory with great intensity. We want them back. Nobody likes to
feel awkward or timid or unable to reach people. The siren call of seduction is
irresistible because power is irresistible, and nothing will bring you more
power in the modern world than the ability to seduce. Repressing the desire to
seduce is a kind of No man hath it in his power to over-rule the deceitfulness
of a woman. -MARGUERITE OF NAVARRE This important side-track, by which woman
succeeded in evading man's strength and establishing herself in power, has not
been given due consideration by historians. From the moment when the woman
detached herself from the crowd, an individual finished product, offering
delights which could not be obtained by force, but only by flattery .... the
reign of love's priestesses was inaugurated. It was a development of
far-reaching importance in the history of civilization. . . . Only by the
circuitous route of the art of love could woman again assert authority, and
this she did by asserting herself at the very point at which she would normally
be a slave at the man's mercy. She had discovered the might of lust, the secret
of the art of love, the daemonic power of a passion artificially aroused and
never satiated. The force tints unchained was thenceforth to count among the
most tremendous of the world's forces and at moments to have power even over
life and death. . . . • The deliberate spellbinding of man's senses was to have
a magical effect upon him, opening up an infinitely wider range of sensation
and spurring him on as if impelled by an inspired dream. -ALEXANDER VON
GLEICHEN- RUSSWURM, THE WORLD'S LURE. TRANSLATED BY HANNAH WALLER The first
thing to get in your head is that every single \ Girl can be caught-and that
you'll catch her if \ You set your toils right. Birds will sooner fall dumb in
\ Springtime, \ Cicadas in summer, or a hunting-dog \ Turn his back on a hare,
than a lover's bland inducements \ Can fail with a woman, Even one you suppose
\ Reluctant will want it. -OVID, THE ART OF LOVE, TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN The
combination of these two elements, enchantment and surrender, is, then,
essential to the love which we are discussing. . . . What exists in love is
surrender due to enchantment. -JOSE ORTEGA Y GASSET, ON LOVE, TRANSLATED BY
TOBY TALBOT What is good?-All that heightens the feeling of power, the will to
power, power itself in man. • What is bad?-All that proceeds from weakness. •
What is happiness?-The feeling that power increases-that a resistance is
overcome. -FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE, THE ANTI-CHRIST, TRANSLATED BY R. J.
HOLLINGDALE hysterical reaction, revealing your deep-down fascination with the
process; you are only making your desires stronger. Some day they will come to
the surface. To have such power does not require a total transformation in your
character or any kind of physical improvement in your looks. Seduction is a
game of psychology, not beauty, and it is within the grasp of any person to
become a master at the game. All that is required is that you look at the world
differently, through the eyes of a seducer. A seducer does not turn the power
off and on-every social and personal interaction is seen as a potential
seduction. There is never a moment to waste. This is so for several reasons.
The power seducers have over a man or woman works in social environments
because they have learned how to tone down the sexual element without getting
rid of it. We may think we see through them, but they are so pleasant to be
around anyway that it does not matter. Trying to divide your life into moments
in which you seduce and others in which you hold back will only confuse and
constrain you. Erotic desire and love lurk beneath the surface of almost every
human encounter; better to give free rein to your skills than to try to use
them only in the bedroom. (In fact, the seducer sees the world as his or her
bedroom.) This attitude creates great seductive momentum, and with each
seduction you gain experience and practice. One social or sexual seduction
makes the nextone easier, your confidence growing and making you more alluring.
People are drawn to you in greater numbers as the seducer's aura descends upon
you. Seducers have a warrior's outlook on life. They see each person as a kind
of walled castle to which they are laying siege. Seduction is a process of
penetration: initially penetrating the target's mind, their first point of
defense. Once seducers have penetrated the mind, making the target fantasize
about them, it iseasyto lower resistance and create physical surrender.
Seducers do not improvise; they do not leave this process to chance. Like any
good general, they plan and strategize, aiming at the target's particular
weaknesses. The main obstacle to becoming a seducer is this foolish prejudice
we have of seeing love and romance as some kind of sacred, magical realm where
things just fall into place, if they are meant to. This might seem romantic and
quaint,but it is reallyjust a cover for our laziness. What will seduce a person
is the effort we expend on their behalf, showing how much we care, how much
they are worth. Leaving things to chance is a recipe for disaster, and reveals
that we do not take love and romance very seriously. It was the effort Casanova
expended, the artfulness he applied to each affair that made him so devilishly
seductive. Falling in love is a matter not of magic but of psychology. Once you
understand your target's psychology, and strategize to suit it, you will be
better able to cast a "magical" spell. A seducer sees love not as
sacred but as warfare, where all is fair. Seducers are never self-absorbed.
Their gaze is directed outward, not inward. When they meet someone their first
move is to get inside that person's skin, to see the world through their eyes.
The reasons for this are several. First, self-absorption is a sign of insecurity;
it is anti-seductive. Everyone has insecurities, but seducers manage to ignore
them, finding therapy for moments of self-doubt by being absorbed in the world.
This gives them a buoyant spirit-we want to be around them. Second, getting
into someone's skin, imagining what it is like to be them, helps the seducer
gather valuable information, leam what makes that person tick, what will make
them lose their ability to think straight and fall into a trap. Armed with such
information, they can provide focused and individualized attention-a rare
commodity in a world in which most people see us only from behind the screen of
their own prejudices. Getting into the targets' skin is the first important
tactical move in the war of penetration. Seducers see themselves as providers
of pleasure, like bees that gather pollen from some flowers and deliver it to
others. As children we mostly devoted our lives to play and pleasure. Adults
often have feelings of being cut off from this paradise, of being weighed down
by responsibilities. The seducer knows that people are waiting for
pleasure-they never get enough of it from friends and lovers, and they cannot
get it by themselves. A person who enters their lives offering adventure and
romance cannot be resisted. Pleasure is a feeling of being taken past our
limits, of being overwhelmed by another person, by an experience. People are
dying to be overwhelmed, to let go of their usual stubbornness. Sometimes their
resistance to us is a way of saying. Please seduce me. Seducers know that the
possibility of pleasure will make a person follow them, and the experience of
it will make someone open up, weak to the touch. They also train themselves to
be sensitive to pleasure, knowing that feeling pleasure themselves will make it
that much easier for them to infect the people around them. A seducer sees all
of life as theater, everyone an actor. Most people feel they have constricted
roles in life, which makes them unhappy. Seducers, on the other hand, can be
anyone and can assume many roles. (The archetype here is the god Zeus,
insatiable seducer of young maidens, whose main weapon was the ability to
assume the form of whatever person or animal would most appeal to his victim.)
Seducers take pleasure in performing and are not weighed down by their
identity, or by some need to be themselves, or to be natural. This freedom of
theirs, this fluidity in body and spirit, is what makes them attractive. What
people lack in life is not more reality but illusion, fantasy, play. The clothes
that seducers wear, the places they take you to, their words and actions, are
slightly heightened-not overly theatrical but with a delightful edge of
unreality, as if the two of you were living out a piece of fiction or were
characters in a film. Seduction is a kind of theater in real life, the meeting
of illusion and reality. Finally, seducers are completely amoral in their
approach to life. It is all a game, an arena for play. Knowing that the
moralists, the crabbed repressed types who croak about the evils of the
seducer, secretly envy their power, they do not concern themselves with other
people's opinions. They do not deal in moral judgments-nothing could be less
seductive. Everything is The disaffection, neurosis, anguish and frustration
encountered by psychoanalysis comes no doubt from being unable to love or to be
loved, from being unable to give or take pleasure, but the radical
disenchantment comes from seduction and its failure. Only those who lie
completely outside seduction are ill, even if they remain fully capable of
loving and making love. Psychoanalysis believes it treats the disorder of sex
and desire, but in reality it is dealing with the disorders of seduction. . . .
The most serious deficiencies always concern charm and not pleasure, enchantment
and not some vital or sexual satisfaction. -JEAN BAUDR1LLARD, SEDUCTION
Whatever is done from love always occurs beyond good and evil. -FRIEDRICH
NIETZSCHE, BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL, TRANSLATED BY WALTER KAUFMANN Should anyone
here in Rome lack finesse at love- making, \ Let him \ Try me-read my book, and
results are guaranteed! \ Technique is the secret. Charioteer, sailor, pliant,
fluid, like life itself. Seduction is a form of deception, but people want to
be led astray, they yearn to be seduced. If they didn't, seducers would not
find so many willing victims. Get rid of any moralizing tendencies, adopt the
seducer's playful philosophy, and you will find the rest of the process easy
and natural. oarsman, \ All need it. Technique can control \ Love himself. -
OVID, THE ART OF LOVE. TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN The Art of Seduction is
designed to arm you with weapons of persuasion and charm, so that those around
you will slowly lose their ability to resist without knowing how or why it has
happened. It is an art of war for delicate times. Every seduction has two
elements that you must analyze and understand: first, yourself and what is
seductive about you; and second, your target and the actions that will
penetrate their defenses and create surrender. The two sides are equally
important. If you strategize without paying attention to the parts of your
character that draw people to you, you will be seen as a mechanical seducer,
slimy and manipulative. If you rely on your seductive personality without
paying attention to the other person, you will make terrible mistakes and limit
your potential. Consequently, The Art of Seduction is divided into two parts.
The first half, "The Seductive Character," describes the nine types
of seducer, plus the Anti-Seducer. Studying these types will make you aware of
what is inherently seductive in your character, the basic building block of any
seduction. The second half, "The Seductive Process," includes the
twenty- four maneuvers and strategies that will instruct you on how to create a
spell, break down people's resistance, give movement and force to your
seduction, and induce surrender in your target. As a kind of bridge between the
two parts, there is a chapter on the eighteen types of victims of a
seduction-each of them missing something from their lives, each cradling an
emptiness you can fill. Knowing what type you are dealing with will help you
put into practice the ideas in both sections. Ignore any part of this book and
you will be an incomplete seducer. The ideas and strategies in The Art of
Seduction are based on the writings and historical accounts of the most
successful seducers in history. The sources include the seducers' own memoirs
(by Casanova, Errol Flynn, Natalie Barney, Marilyn Monroe); biographies (of
Cleopatra, Josephine Bonaparte, John F. Kennedy, Duke Ellington); handbooks on
the subject (most notably Ovid's Art of Love); and fictional accounts of
seductions (Choderlos de Laclos's Dangerous Liaisons, Spren Kierkegaard's The
Seducer's Diary, Murasaki Shikibu's The Tale ofGenji). The heroes and heroines
of these literary works are generally modeled on real-life seducers. The
strategies they employ reveal the intimate connection between fiction and
seduction, creating illusion and leading a person along. In putting the book's
lessons into practice, you will be following in the path of the greatest
masters of the art. Finally, the spirit that will make you a consummate seducer
is the spirit in which you should read this book. The French writer Denis
Diderot once wrote, "I give my mind the liberty to follow the first wise
or foolish idea that presents itself, just as in the avenue de Foy our
dissolute youths follow close on the heels of some strumpet, then leave her to
pursue another, attacking all of them and attaching themselves to none. My
thoughts are my strumpets." He meant that he let himself be seduced by
ideas, following whichever one caught his fancy until a better one came along,
his thoughts infused with a kind of sexual excitement. Once you enter these pages,
do as Diderot advised: let yourself be lured by the stories and ideas, your
mind open and your thoughts fluid. Slowly you will find yourself absorbing the
poison through the skin and you will begin to see everything as a seduction,
including the way you think and how you look at the world. Most virtue is a
demand for greater seduction. -NATALIE BARNEY Part One Seductive Character W e
all have the power of attraction-the ability to draw people in and hold them in
our thrall. Far from all of us, though, are aware of this inner potential, and
we imagine attractiveness instead as a near-mystical trait that a select few
are born with and the rest will never command. Yet all we need to do to realize
our potential is understand what it is in a person's character that naturally
excites people and develop these latent qualities within us. Successful
seductions rarely begin with an obvious maneuver or strategic device. That is
certain to arouse suspicion. Successful seductions begin with your character,
your ability to radiatesome quality that attracts people and stirs their
emotions in a way that is beyond their control. Hypnotized by your seductive
character, your victims will not notice your subsequent manipulations. It will
then be child's play to mislead and seduce them. There are nine seducer types
in the world. Each type has a particular character trait that comes from deep
within and creates a seductive pull. Siren.': have an abundance of sexual
energy and know how touse it. Rakes insatiably adore the opposite sex, and
their desire is infectious. Ideal Lovers have an aesthetic sensibility that
they apply to romance. Dandies like to play with their image, creating a
striking and androgynous allure. Naturals are spontaneous and open. Coquettes
are self-sufficient, with a fascinating cool at their core. Charmers want and
know how to please-they are social creatures. Charismatics have an unusual
confidence in themselves. Stars are ethereal and envelop themselves in mystery.
The chapters in this section will take you inside each of the nine types. At
least one of the chapters should strike a chord-you will recognize part of
yourself. That chapter will be the key to developing your own powers of
attraction. Let us say you have coquettish tendencies. The Coquette chapter
will show you how to build upon your own self-sufficiency, alternating heat and
coldness to ensnare your victims. It will show you how to take your natural
qualities further, becoming a grand Coquette, the type we fight over. There is
no point in being timid with a seductive quality. We are charmed by an
unabashed Rake and excuse his excesses, but a halfhearted Rake gets no respect.
Once you have cultivated your dominant character trait, adding some art to what
nature has given you, you can then develop a second or third trait, adding
depth and mystery to your persona. Finally the section's tenth chapter, on the
Anti-Se cluce r, w i 11 make you aware of the opposite potential within you-the
power of repulsion. At all cost you must root out any anti-seductive tendencies
you may have. Think of the nine types as shadows, silhouettes. Only by stepping
into one of them and letting it grow inside you can you begin to develop the
seductive character that will bring you limitless power the iren man is often
secretly oppressed by the role he has to play-by always having to be
responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy
figure because she offers a total release from the limitations of his life. In
her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels
transported to a world of pure pleasure. She is dangerous, and in pursuing her
energetically the man can lose control over himself something he yearns to do.
The Siren is a mirage; she lures men by cultivating a particular appearance and
manner. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image,
learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy. The
Spectacular Siren I n the year 48 B.C., Ptolemy XIV of Egypt managed to depose
and exile his sister and wife. Queen Cleopatra. He secured the country's
borders against her return and began to rule on his own. Later that year,
Julius Caesar came to Alexandria to ensure that despite the local power
struggles, Egypt would remain loyal to Rome. One night Caesar was meeting with
his generals in the Egyptian palace, discussing strategy, when a guard entered
to report that a Greek merchant was at the door bearing a large and valuable
gift for the Roman leader. Caesar, in the mood for a little fun, gave the
merchant permission to enter. The man came in, carrying on his shoulders a
large rolled-up carpet. He undid the rope around the bundle and with a snap of
his wrists unfurled it-revealing the young Cleopatra, who had been hidden
inside, and who rose up half clothed before Caesar and his guests, like Venus
emerging from the waves. Everyone was dazzled at the sight of the beautiful
young queen (only twenty-one at the time) appearing before them suddenly as if
in a dream. They were astounded at her daring and theatricality-smuggled into
the harbor at night with only one man to protect her, risking everything on a
bold move. No one was more enchanted than Caesar. According to the Roman writer
Dio Cassius, "Cleopatra was in the prime of life. She had a delightful
voice which could not fail to cast a spell over all who heard it. Such was the
charm of her person and her speech that they drew the coldest and most
determined misogynist into her toils. Caesar was spellbound as soon as he set
eyes on her and she opened her mouth to speak." That same evening
Cleopatra became Caesar s lover. Caesar had had numerous mistresses before, to
divert him from the rigors of his campaigns. But he had always disposed of them
quickly to return to what really thrilled him-political intrigue, the
challenges of warfare, the Roman theater. Caesar had seen women try anything to
keep him under their spell. Yet nothing prepared him for Cleopatra. One night
she would tell him howtogethertheycould revive the glory of Alexander the Great,
and rule the world like gods. The next she would entertain him dressed as the
goddess Isis, surrounded by the opulence of her court. Cleopatra initiated
Caesar in the most decadent revelries, presenting herself as the incarnation of
the Egyptian exotic. His life with her was a constant game, as challenging as
warfare, for the moment he felt secure with her she In the mean time our good
ship, with that perfect wind to drive her, fast approached the Sirens' Isle.
But now the breeze dropped, some power lulled the waves, and a breathless calm
set in. Rising from their seats my men drew in the sail and threw it into the
hold, then sat down at the oars and churned the water white with their blades
of polished pine. Meanwhile I took a large round of wax, cut it up small with
my sword, and kneaded the pieces with all the strength of my fingers. The wax
soon yielded to vigorous treatment and grew warm, for I had the rays of my Lord
the Sun to help me. I took each of my men in turn and plugged their ears with it.
They then made me a prisoner on my ship by binding me hand and foot, standing
me up by the step of the mast and tying the rope's ends to the mast itself.
This done, they sat down once more and struck the grey water with their oars.
We made good progress and had just come within call of the shore when the
Sirens became aware that a ship was swiftly bearing down upon them, and broke
into their liquid song. "Draw
near," they sang, "illustrious Odysseus, flower of Achaean chivalry,
and bring your ship to rest so that you may hear our voices. No seaman ever
sailed his black ship past this spot without listening to the sweet tones that
flow from our lips . . • The lovely voices came to me across the water, and my
heart was filled with such a longing to listen that with nod and frown I signed
to my men to set me free. - HOMER, THE ODYSSEY, BOOK XII, TRANSLATED BY E.V.
RIEU The charm of [Cleopatra's ] presence was irresistible, and there was an
attraction in her person and talk, together with a peculiar force of character,
which pervaded her every word and action, and laid all who associated with her
under its spell. It was a delight merely to hear the sound of her voice, with
which, like an instrument of many strings, she could pass from one language to
another. -PLUTARCH, MAKERS OF ROME, TRANSLATED BY IAN SCOTT-KILVERT The
immediate attraction of a song, a voice, or scent. The attraction of the
panther with his perfumed scent . . . According to the ancients, the panther is
the only animal who emits a perfumed odor. It uses this scent to draw and
capture its victims. . . . But what is it that seduces in a scent? . . . What
is it in the song of the Sirens that seduces us, or in the beauty of a face, in
the depths would suddenly turn cold or angry and he would have to find a way to
regain her favor. The weeks went by. Caesar got rid of all Cleopatra's rivals
and found excuses to stay in Egypt. At one point she led him on a lavish
historical expedition down the Nile. In a boat of unimaginable
splendor-towering fifty-four feet out of the water, including several terraced
levels and a pillared temple to the god Dionysus-Caesar became one of the few
Romans to gaze on the pyramids. And while he stayed long in Egypt, away from
his throne in Rome, all kinds of turmoil erupted throughout the Roman Empire.
When Caesar was murdered, in 44 B.C., he was succeeded by a triumvirate of
rulers including Mark Antony, a brave soldier who loved pleasure and spectacle
and fancied himself a kind of Roman Dionysus. A few years later, while Antony
was in Syria, Cleopatra invited him to come meet her in the Egyptian town of
Tarsus. There-once she had made him wait for her-her appearance was as
startling in its way as her first before Caesar. A magnificent gold barge with
purple sails appeared on the river Cydnus. The oarsmen rowed to the
accompaniment of ethereal music; all around the boat were beautiful young girls
dressed as nymphs and mythological figures. Cleopatra sat on deck, surrounded
and fanned by cupids and posed as the goddess Aphrodite, whose name the crowd
chanted enthusiastically. Like all of Cleopatra's victims, Antony felt mixed
emotions. The exotic pleasures she offered were hard to resist. But he also
wanted to tame her-to defeat this proud and illustrious woman would prove his greatness.
And so he stayed, and, like Caesar, fell slowly under her spell. She indulged
him in all of his weaknesses-gambling, raucous parties, elaborate rituals,
lavish spectacles. To get him to come back to Rome, Octavius, another member of
the Roman triumvirate, offered him a wife: Octavius's own sister, Octavia, one
of the most beautiful women in Rome. Known for her virtue and goodness, she
could surely keep Antony away from the "Egyptian whore." The ploy
worked for a while, but Antony was unable to forget Cleopatra, and after three
years he went back to her. This time it was for good: he had in essence become
Cleopatra's slave, granting her immense powers, adopting Egyptian dress and
customs, and renouncing the ways o/Rome. Only one image of Cleopatra survives-a
barely visible profile on a coin- but we have numerous written descriptions.
She had a long thin face and a somewhat pointed nose; her dominant features
were her wonderfully large eyes. Her seductive power, however, did not lie in
her looks-indeed many among the women of Alexandria were considered more
beautiful than she. What she did have above all other women was the ability to
distract a man. In reality, Cleopatra was physically unexceptional and had no
political power, yet both Caesar and Antony, brave and clever men, saw none of
this. What they saw was a woman who constantly transformed herself before their
eyes, a one-woman spectacle. Her dress and makeup changed from day to day, but
always gave her a heightened, goddesslike appearance. Her voice, which all
writers talk of, was lilting and intoxicating. Her words could be banal enough,
but were spoken so sweetly that listeners would find themselves remembering not
what she said but how she said it. Cleopatra provided constant variety-tributes,
mock battles, expeditions, costumed orgies. Everything had a touch of drama and
was accomplished with great energy. By the time your head lay on the pillow
beside her, your mind was spinning with images and dreams. And just when you
thought you had this fluid, larger-than-life woman, she would turn distant or
angry, making it clear that everything was on her terms. You never possessed
Cleopatra, you worshiped her. In this way a woman who had been exiled and
destined for an early death managed to turn it all around and rule Egypt for
close to twenty years. From Cleopatra we leam that it is not beauty that makes
a Siren but rather a theatrical streak that allows a woman to embody a man's
fantasies. A man grows bored with a woman, no matter how beautiful; he yearns
for different pleasures, and for adventure. All a woman needs to turn this
around is to create the illusion that she offers such variety and adventure. A
man is easily deceived by appearances; he has a weakness for the visual. Create
the physical presence of a Siren (heightened sexual allure mixed with a regal
and theatrical manner) and he is trapped. He cannot grow bored with you yet he
cannot discard you. Keep up the distractions, and never let him see who you
really are. He will follow you until he drowns. The Sex Siren N orma Jean
Mortensen, the future Marilyn Monroe, spent part of her childhood in Los
Angeles orphanages. Her days were filled with chores and no play. At school,
she kept to herself, smiled rarely, and dreamed a lot. One day when she was
thirteen, as she was dressing for school, she noticed that the white blouse the
orphanage provided for her was torn, so she had to borrow a sweater from a
younger girl in the house. The sweater was several sizes too small. That day,
suddenly, boys seemed to gather around her wherever she went (she was extremely
well-developed for her age). She wrote in her diary, "They stared at my
sweater as if it were a gold mine." The revelation was simple but
startling. Previously ignored and even ridiculed by the other students, Norma
Jean now sensed a way to gain attention, maybe even power, for she was wildly
ambitious. She started to smile more, wear makeup, dress differently. And soon
she noticed something equally startling: without her having to say or do anything,
boys fell passionately in love with her. "My admirers all said the same
thing in different ways," she wrote. "It was my fault, their wanting
to kiss me and hug me. Some said it was the way I looked at them-with eyes full
of passion. Others said it was my voice that lured them on. Still others said I
gave off vibrations that floored them." of an abyss . . . ? Seduction lies
in the annulment of signs and their meaning, in pure appearance. The eyes that
seduce have no meaning, they end in the gaze, as the face with makeup ends in
only pure appearance. . . . The scent of the panther is also a meaningless
message-and behind the message the panther is invisible, as is the woman
beneath her makeup. The Sirens too remained unseen. The enchantment lies in what
is hidden. -JEAN BAUDRILLARD, DE LA SEDUCTION We're dazzled by feminine
adornment, by the surface, \ All gold and jewels: so little of what we observe
\ Is the girl herself And where (you may ask) amid such plenty \ Can our object
of passion be found? The eye's deceived \ By Love's smart camouflage. - OVID,
CURES FOR LOVE. TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN He was herding his cattle on Mount
Gargarus, the highest peak of Ida, when Hermes, accompanied by Hera, Athene,
and Aphrodite delivered the golden apple and Zeus's message: "Paris, since
you are as handsome as you are wise in affairs of the heart, Zeus commands you
to judge which of these goddesses is the fairest. " "So be it,"
sighed Paris. "But first I beg the losers not to be vexed with me. I am
only a human being, liable to make the stupidest mistakes." • The
goddesses all agreed to abide by his decision. • "Will it be enough to
judge them as they are?" Paris asked Hermes, "or they he naked?"
• "The rules of the contest are for you to decide," Hermes answered with
a discreet smile. • "In that case, will they kindly disrobe?" •
Hermes told the goddesses to do so, and politely turned his back. • Aphrodite
was soon ready, but Athene insisted that she should remove the famous magic
girdle, which gave her an unfair advantage by making everyone fall in love
withthe wearer. "Very well" said Aphrodite spitefully. "/ will,
on condition thatyou remove your helmet-you look hideous without it. " •
"Now, if you please, 1 must judge you one at a time" announced Paris.
. . . Come here, Divine Hera! Will you other two goddesses be good enough to
leave us for a while?" • "Examine me conscientiously," said
Hera, turning slowly around, and displaying her magnificent figure, "and
remember that if you judge me the fairest, 1 will make you lord of all Asia,
and the richest man alive. " • "/ am not to be bribed my Lady . . .
Very well, thank you. Now I have seen all that I need to see. Come, Divine
Athene!" • "Here I am," said Athene, striding purposefully forward.
"Listen, Paris, if you have enough common sense to award me the prize, I
will make you victorious in all your battles, as well as the handsomest and
wisest man in the world." • "/ am a humble A few years later Marilyn
was trying to make it in the film business. Producers would tell her the same
thing: she was attractive enough in person, but her face wasn't pretty enough
for the movies. She was getting work as an extra, and when she was
on-screen-even if only for a few seconds-the men in the audience would go wild,
and the theaters would erupt in catcalls. But nobody saw any star quality in
this. One day in 1949, only twenty-three at the time and her career at a
standstill, Monroe met someone at a diner who toldher that a producer casting a
new Groucho Marx movie. Love Happy, was looking for an actress for the part of
a blond bombshell who could walk by Groucho in a way that would, in his words,
"arouse my elderly libido and cause smoke to issue from my ears."
Talking her way into an audition, she improvised this walk. "It's Mae West,
Theda Bara, and Bo Peep all rolled into one," said Groucho after watching
her saunter by. "We shoot the scene tomorrow morning." And so Marilyn
created her infamous walk, a walk that was hardly natural but offered a strange
mix of innocence and sex. Over the next few years, Marilyn taught herself
through trial and error how to heighten the effect she had on men. Her voice
had always been attractive-it was the voice of a little girl. But on film it
had limitations until someone finally taught her to lower it, giving it the
deep, breathy tones that became her seductive trademark, a mix of the little
girl and the vixen. Before appearing on set, or even at a party, Marilyn would
spend hours before the mirror. Most people assumed this was vanity-she was in love
with her image. The truth was that image took hours to create. Marilyn spent
years studying and practicing the art of makeup. The voice, the walk, the face
and look were all constructions, an act. At the height of her fame, she would
get a thrill by going into bars in New York City without her makeup or
glamorous clothes and passing unnoticed. Success finally came, but with it came
something deeply annoying to her: the studios would only cast her as the blond
bombshell. She wanted serious roles, but no one took her seriously for those
parts, no matter how hard she downplayed the siren qualities she had built up.
One day, while she was rehearsing a scene from The Cherry Orchard, her acting
instructor, Michael Chekhov, asked her, "Were you thinking of sex while we
played the scene?" When she said no, he continued, "All through our
playing of the scene I kept receiving sex vibrations from you. As if you were a
woman in the grip of passion. ... I understand your problem with your studio
now, Marilyn. You are a woman who gives off sex vibrations-no matter what you
are doing or thinking. The whole world has already responded to those
vibrations. They come off the movie screens when you are on them." Marilyn
Monroe loved the effect her body could have on the male libido. She tuned her
physical presence like an instrument, making herself reek of sex and gaining a
glamorous, larger-than-life appearance. Other women knewjust as many tricks for
heightening their sexual appeal, but what separated Marilyn from them was an
unconscious element. Her background had deprived her of something critical:
affection. Her deepest need was to feel loved and desired, which made her seem
constantly vulnerable, like a little girl craving protection. She emanated this
need for love before the camera; it was effortless, coming from somewhere real
and deep inside. A look or gesture that she did not intend to arouse desire
would do so doubly powerfully just because it was unintended-its innocence was
precisely what excited a man. The S ex Siren has a more urgent and immediate
effect than the Spectacular Siren does. The incarnation of sex and desire, she
does not bother to appeal to extraneous senses, or to create a theatrical
buildup. Her time never seems to be taken up by work or chores; she gives the
impression that she lives for pleasure and is always available. What separates
the Sex Siren from the courtesan or whore is her touch of innocence and
vulnerability. The mix is perversely satisfying: it gives the male the critical
illusion that he is a protector, the father figure, although it is actually the
Sex Siren who controls the dynamic. A woman doesn't have to be born with the
attributes of a Marilyn Monroe to fill the role of the Sex Siren. Most of the
physical elements are a construction; the key is the air of schoolgirl
innocence. While one part of you seems to scream sex, the other part is coy and
naive, as if you were incapable of understanding the effect you are having.
Your walk, your voice, your manner are delightfully ambiguous-you are both the
experienced, desiring woman and the innocent gamine. Your next encounter will
be with the Sirens, who bewitch every man that approaches them. . . . For with
the music of their song the Sirens cast their spell upon him, as they sit there
in a meadow piled high with the moldering skeletons of men, whose withered skin
still hangs upon their bones. -CIRCE TO ODYSSEUS, THE ODYSSEY, BOOK XII Keys to
the Character The Siren is the most ancient seductress of them all. Her
prototype is the goddess Aphrodite-it is her nature to have a mythic quality
about her-but do not imagine she is a thing of the past, or of legend and
history: she represents a powerful male fantasy of a highly sexual, supremely
confident, alluring female offering endless pleasure and a bit of danger. In
today's world this fantasy can only appeal the more strongly to the male
psyche, for now more than ever he lives in a world that circumscribes his
aggressive instincts by making everything safe and secure, a world that offers
less chance for adventure and risk than ever before. In the past, a man had
some outlets for these drives-warfare, the high seas, political intrigue. In
the sexual realm, courtesans and mistresses were practically a social institu-
herdsman, not a soldier," said Paris. . . . ".But I promise to
consider fairly your claim to the apple. Now you are at liberty to put on your
clothes and helmet again. Is Aphrodite ready?" • Aphrodite sidled up to
him, and Paris blushed because she came so close that they were almost touching.
• "Look carefully, please, pass nothing over. ... By the way, as soon as I
saw you, I said to myself: 'Upon my word, there goes the handsomest young man
in Phrygia! Why does he waste himself here in the wilderness herding stupid
cattle?' Well, why do you, Paris? Why not move into a city and lead a civilized
life? What have you to lose by marrying someone like Helen of Sparta, who is as
beautiful as I am, and no less passionate? ... I suggest now that you tour
Greece with my son Eros as your guide. Once you reach Sparta, he and I will see
that Helen falls head over heels in love with you." • "Would you
swear to that?" Paris ashed excitedly. • Aphrodite uttered a solemn oath,
and Paris, without a second thought, awarded her the golden apple. -ROBERT GRAVES,
THE GREEK MYTHS, VOLUME I To whom aw I compare the lovely girl, so blessed by
fortune, if not to the Sirens, who with their lodestone draw the ships towards
them? Thus, I imagine, did Isolde attract many thoughts and hearts that deemed
themselves safe from love's disquietude. And indeed these two-anchorless ships
and stray thoughts - provide a good comparison. They are both so seldom on a
straight course, lie so often in unsure havens, pitching and tossing and
heaving to and fro. Just so, in the same way, do aimless desire and random
love-longing drift like an anchorless ship. This charming young princess,
discreet and courteous Isolde, drew thoughts from the hearts that enshrined
them as a lodestone draws in ships to the sound of the Sirens' song. She sang
openly and secretly, in through ears and eyes to where many a heart was
stirred. The song which she sang openly in this and other places was her own
sweet singing and soft sounding of strings that echoed for all to hear through
the kingdom of the ears deep down into the heart. But her secret song was her
wondrous beauty that stole with its rapturous music hidden and unseen through
the windows of the eyes into many noble hearts and smoothed on the magic which
took thoughts prisoner suddenly, and, taking them, fettered them with desire!
-GOTTFRIED VON STRASSBURG, TRISTAN. TRANSLATED BY A. T. HATTO tion, and offered
him the variety and the chase that he craved. Without any outlets, his drives
turn inward and gnaw at him, becoming all the more volatile for being
repressed. Sometimes a powerful man will do the most irrational things, have an
affair when it is least called for, just for a thrill, the danger of it all.
The irrational can prove immensely seductive, even more so for men, who must
always seem so reasonable. If it is seductive power you are after, the Siren is
the most potent of all. She operates on a man's most basic emotions, and if she
plays her role properly, she can transform a normally strong and responsible
male into a childish slave. The Siren operates well on the rigid masculine
type-the soldier or hero-just as Cleopatra overwhelmed Mark Antony and Marilyn
Monroe Joe DiMaggio. But never imagine that these are the only types the Siren
can affect. Julius Caesar was a writer and thinker, who had transferred his
intellectual abilities onto the battlefield and into the political arena; the
playwright Arthur Miller fell as deeply under Monroe's spell as DiMaggio. The
intellectual is often the one most susceptible to the Siren call of pure physical
pleasure, because his life so lacks it. The Siren does not have to worry about
finding the right victim. Her magic works on one and all. First and foremost, a
Siren must distinguish herself from other women. She is by nature a rare thing,
mythic, only one to a group; she is also a valuable prize to be wrested away
from other men. Cleopatra made herself different through her sense of high
drama; the Empress Josephine Bonaparte's device was her extreme languorousness;
Marilyn Monroe's was her little-girl quality. Physicality offers the best
opportunities here, since a Siren is preeminently a sight to behold. A highly
feminine and sexual presence, even to the point of caricature, will quickly
differentiate you, since most women lack the confidence to project such an
image. Once the Siren has made herself stand out from others, she must have two
other critical qualities: the ability to get the male to pursue her so
feverishly that he loses control; and a touch of the dangerous. Danger is
surprisingly seductive. To get the male to pursue you is relatively simple: a
highly sexual presence will do this quite well. But you must not resemble a
courtesan or whore, whom the male may pursue only to quickly lose interest in
her. Instead, you are slightly elusive and distant, a fantasy come to life.
During the Renaissance, the great Sirens, such as Tullia d'Aragona, would act
and look like Grecian goddesses-the fantasy of the day. Today you might model
yourself on a film goddess-anything that seems larger than life, even awe
inspiring. These qualities will make a man chase you vehemently, and the more
he chases, the more he will feel that he is acting on his own initiative. This
is an excellent way of disguising how deeply youare manipulating him. The
notion of danger, challenge, sometimes death, might seem outdated, but danger
is critical in seduction. It adds emotional spice and is particularly appealing
to men today, who are normally so rational and repressed. Danger is present in
the original myth of the Siren. In Homer's Odyssey, the hero Odysseus must sail
by the rocks where the Sirens, strange female creatures, sing and beckon
sailors to their destruction. They sing of the glories of the past, of a world
like childhood, without responsibilities, a world of pure pleasure. Their
voices are like water, liquid and inviting. Sailors would leap into the water
to join them, and drown; or, distracted and entranced, they would steer their
ship into the rocks. To protect his sailors from the Sirens, Odysseus has their
ears filled with wax; he himself is tied to the mast, so he can both hear the
Sirens and live to tell of it-a strange desire, since the thrill of the Sirens
is giving in to the temptation to follow them. Just as the ancient sailors had
to row and steer, ignoring all distractions, a man today must work and follow a
straight path in life. The call of something dangerous, emotional, unknown is
all the more powerful because it is so forbidden. Think of the victims of the
great Sirens of history: Paris causes a war for the sake of Helen of Troy,
Caesar risks an empire and Antony loses his power and his life for Cleopatra,
Napoleon becomes a laughingstock over Josephine, DiMaggio never gets over
Marilyn, and Arthur Miller can't write for years. A man is often ruined by a Siren,
yet cannot tear himself away. (Many powerful men have a masochistic streak.) An
element of danger is easy to hint at, and will enhance your other Siren
characteristics-the touch of madness in Marilyn, for example, that pulled men
in. Sirens are often fantastically irrational, which is immensely attractive to
men who are oppressed by their own reasonableness. An element of fear is also
critical: keeping a man at a proper distance creates respect, so that he
doesn't get close enough to see through you or notice your weaker qualities.
Create such fear by suddenly changing your moods, keeping the man off balance,
occasionally intimidating him with capricious behavior. The most important
element for an aspiring Siren is always the physical, the Siren's main instrument
of power. Physical qualities-a scent, a heightened femininity evoked through
makeup or through elaborate or seductive clothing-act all the more powerfully
on men because they have no meaning. hi their immediacy they bypass rational
processes, having the same effect that a decoy has on an animal, or the
movement of a cape on a bull. The proper Siren appearance is often confused
with physical beauty, particularly the face. But a beautiful face does not a
Siren make: instead it creates too much distance and coldness. (Neither
Cleopatra nor Marilyn Monroe, the two greatest Sirens in history, were known
for their beautiful faces.) Although a smile and an inviting look are
infinitely seductive, they must never dominate your appearance. They are too
obvious and direct. The Siren must stimulate a generalized desire, and the best
way to do this is by creating an overall impression that is both distracting
and alluring. It is not one particular trait, but a combination of qualities:
Falling in love with statues and paintings, even making love to them is an
ancient fantasy, one of which the Renaissance was keenly aware. Giorgio Vasari,
writing in the introductory section of the Lives about art in antiquity, tells
how men violated the laws, going into the temples at night and making love with
statues of Venus. In the morning, priests would enter the sanctuaries to find
stains on the marble figures. -LYNNE LAWNER, LIVES OF THE COURTESANS The voice.
Clearly a critical quality, as the legend indicates, the Siren's voice has an
immediate animal presence with incredible suggestive power. Perhaps that power
is regressive, recalling the ability of the mother's voice to calm or excite
her child even before the child understood what she was saying. The Siren must
have an insinuating voice that hints at the erotic, more often subliminally
than overtly. Almost everyone who met Cleopatra commented on her delightful,
sweet-sounding voice, which had a mesmerizing quality. The Empress Josephine,
one of the great seductresses of the late eighteenth century, had a languorous
voice that men found exotic, and suggestive of her Creole origins. Marilyn
Monroe was born with her breathy, childlike voice, but she learned to lower to
make it truly seductive. Lauren Bacall's voice is naturally low; its seductive
power comes from its slow, suggestive delivery. The Siren never speaks quickly,
aggressively, or at a high pitch. Her voice is calm and unhurried, as if she
had never quite woken up-or left her bed. Body and adornment. If the voice must
lull, the body and its adornment must dazzle. It is with her clothes that the
Siren aims to create the goddess effect that Baudelaire described in his essay
"In Praise of Makeup": "Woman is well within her rights, and
indeed she is accomplishing a kind of duty in striving to appear magical and
supernatural. She must astonish and bewitch; an idol, she must adorn herself
with gold in order to be adored. She must borrow from all of the arts in order
to raise herself above nature, the better to subjugate hearts and stir
souls." A Siren who was a genius of clothes and adornment was Pauline
Bonaparte, sister of Napoleon. Pauline consciously strove for a goddess effect,
fashioning hair, makeup, and clothes to evoke the look and air of Venus, the
goddess of love. No one in history could boast a more extensive and elaborate
wardrobe. Pauline's entrance at a ball in 1798 created an astounding effect.
She asked the hostess, Madame Permon, if she could dress at her house, so no
one would see her clothes as she came in. When she came down the stairs,
everyone stopped dead in stunned silence. She wore the headdress of a
bacchante-clusters of gold grapes interlaced in her hair, which was done up in
the Greek style. Her Greek tunic, with its gold- embroidered hem, showed off
her goddesslike figure. Below her breasts was a girdle of burnished gold, held
by a magnificent jewel. "No words can convey the loveliness of her
appearance," wrote the Duchess d'Abrantes. "The very room grew
brighter as she entered. The whole ensemble was so harmonious that her
appearance was greeted with a buzz of admiration which continued with utter
disregard of all the other women." The key: everything must dazzle, but
must also be harmonious, so that no single ornament draws attention. Your presence
must be charged, larger than life, a fantasy come true. Ornament is used to
cast a spell and distract. The Siren can also use clothing to hint at the
sexual, at times overtly but more often by suggesting it rather than screaming
it-that would make you seem manipulative. Related to this is the notion of
selective disclosure, the revealing of only a part of the body-but a part that
will excite and stir the imagination. In the late sixteenth century. Marguerite
de Valois, the infamous daughter of Queen Catherine de Medicis of France, was
one of the first women ever to incorporate decolletage in her wardrobe, simply
because she had the most beautiful breasts in the realm. For Josephine
Bonaparte it was her arms, which she carefully always left bare. Movement and
demeanor. In the fifth century B.C., King Kou Chien chose the Chinese Siren Hsi
Shih from among all the women of his realm to seduce and destroy his rival Fu
Chai, King of Wu; for this purpose, he had the young woman instructed in the
arts of seduction. Most important of these was movement-how to move gracefully
and suggestively. Hsi Shih learned to give the impression of floating across
the floor in her court robes. When she was finally unleashed on Fu Chai, he
quickly fell under her spell. She walked and moved like no one he had ever
seen. He became obsessed with her tremulous presence, her manner and nonchalant
air. Fu Chai fell so deeply in love that he let his kingdom fall to pieces,
allowing Kou Chien to march in and conquer it without a fight. The Siren moves
gracefully and unhurriedly. The proper gestures, movement, and demeanor for a
Siren are like the proper voice: they hint at something exciting, stirring
desire without being obvious. Your air must be languorous, as if you had all
the time in the world for love and pleasure. Your gestures must have a certain
ambiguity, suggesting something both innocent and erotic. Anything that cannot
immediately be understood is supremely seductive, and all the more so if it
permeates your manner. Symbol: Water. The song of the Siren is liquid and
enticing, and the Siren herself is fluid and un- graspable. Like the sea, the
Siren lures you with the promise of infinite adventure and pleasure. Forgetting
past and future, men follow her far out to sea, where they drown. Dangers. N o
matter how enlightened the age, no woman can maintain the image of being
devoted to pleasure completely comfortably. And no matter how hard she tries to
distance herself from it, the taint of being easy always follows the Siren.
Cleopatra was hated in Rome as the Egyptian whore. That hatred eventually lead
to her downfall, as Octavius and the Roman army sought to extirpate the stain
on Roman manhood that she came to represent. Even so, men are often forgiving
when it comes to the Siren's reputation. But danger often lies in the envy she
stirs up among other women; much of Rome's hatred for Cleopatra originated in
the resentment she provoked among the city's stern matrons. By playing up her
innocence, by making herself seem the victim of male desire, the Siren can
somewhat blunt the effects of feminine envy. But on the whole there is little
she can do-her power comes from her effect on men, and she must learn to
accept, or ignore, the envy of other women. Finally, the intense attention that
the Siren attracts can prove irritating and worse. Sometimes she will pine for
relief from it; sometimes, too, she will want to attract an attention that is
not sexual. Also, unfortunately, physical beauty fades; although the Siren
effect depends not on a beautiful face but on an overall impression, past a
certain age that impression gets hard to project. Both of these factors
contributed to the suicide of Marilyn Monroe. It takes a genius on the level of
Madame de Pompadour, the Siren mistress of King Louis XV, to make the
transition into the role of the spirited older woman who continues to seduce
with her nonphysical charms. Cleopatra had such an intellect, and had she lived
long enough, she would have remained a potent seductress for many years. The
Siren must prepare for age by paying attention early on to the more
psychological, less physical forms of coquetry that can continue to bring her
power once her beauty starts to fade. the A woman never quite feels desired and
appreciated enough. She wants attention, but a man is too often distracted and
unresponsive. The Rake is a great female fantasy figure-when he desires a
woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the earth for
her. He may be disloyal, dishonest, and amoral, but that only adds to his
appeal. Unlike the normal, cautious male, the Rake is delightfully
unrestrained, a slave to his love of women. There is the added lure of his
reputation: so many women have succumbed to him, there has to be a reason.
Words are a woman's weakness, and the Rake is a master of seductive language.
Stir a woman's repressed longings by adapting the Rake's mix of danger and
pleasure. The Ardent Rake. F or the court of Louis XIV, the king's last years
were gloomy-he was old, and had become both insufferably religious and
personally unpleasant. The court was bored and desperate for novelty. So in
1710, the arrival of a fifteen-year-old lad who was both devilishly handsome
and charming had a particularly strong effect on the ladies. His name was Fronsac,
the future Duke de Richelieu (his granduncle being the infamous Cardinal
Richelieu). He was impudent and witty. The ladies would play with him like a
toy, but he would Mss them on the lips in return, his hands wandering far for
an inexperienced boy. When those hands strayed up the skirts of a duchess who
was not so indulgent, the king was furious, and sent the youth to the Bastille
to teach him a lesson. But the ladies who had found him so amusing could not
endure his absence. Compared to the stiffs in court, here was someone
incredibly bold, his eyes boring into you, his hands quicker than was safe.
Nothing could stop him, his novelty was irresistible. The court ladies pleaded
and his stay in the Bastille was cut short. Several years later, the young Mademoiselle
de Valois was walking in a Paris park with her chaperone, an older woman who
never left her side. De Valois's father, the Duke d'Orleans, was determined to
protect her, his youngest daughter, from all the court seducers until she could
be married off, so he had attached to her this chaperone, a woman of impeccable
virtue and sourness. In the park, however, de Valois saw a young man who gave
her a look that set her heart on fire. He walked on by, but the look was
intense and clear. It was her chaperone who told her his name: the now infamous
Duke de Richelieu, blasphemer, seducer, heartbreaker. Someone to avoid at all
cost. A few days later, the chaperone took de Valois to a different park, and
lo and behold, Richelieu crossed their path again. This time he was in
disguise, dressed as a beggar, but the look in his eye was unforgettable.
Mademoiselle de Valois returned his gaze: at last something exciting in her
drab life. Given her father's sternness, no man had dared approach her. And now
this notorious courtier was pursuing her, instead of all the other ladies at
court-what a thrill! Soon he was smuggling beautifully written notes to her
expressing his uncontrollable desire for her. She responded timidly, but soon
the notes were all she was living for. In one of them he promised to arrange
everything if she would spend the night with him; imagining it was [After an
accident at sect, Don Juan finds himself washed up on a beach, where he is
discovered by a young woman.] • TISBEA: Wake up, handsomest of all men, and be
yourself again. • D 0 N JUAN: If the sea gives me death, you give me life. But
the sea really saved me only to be killed by you. Oh the sea tosses me from one
torment to the other, for I no sooner pulled myself from the water than I met this
siren - yourself. Why fill my ears with wax, since you kill me with your eyes?
I was dying in the sea, but from today I shall die of love. • TISBEA: YOU have
abundant breath for a man almost drowned. You suffered much, but who knows what
suffering you are preparing for me? . . I found you at my feet all water, and
now you are all fire. If you burn when you are so wet, what will you do when you're dry
again? You promise a scorching flame; I hope to God you're not lying. • D O N
JUAN: Dear girl, God should have drowned me before I could be charred by you.
Perhaps love was wise to drench me before I felt your scalding touch. But your
fire is such that even in water I burn. • TISBEA: So cold and yet burning? •
DON JUAN: So much fire is in you. • TISBEA: How well you talk! • D O N JUAN:
How well you understand! • TISBEA: I hope to God you're not lying. -TIRSO DE
MOLINA, THE PLAYBOY OF SEVILLE, TRANSLATED BY ADRIENNE M. SCHIZZANO AND OSCAR
MANDEL Pleased with my first success, I determined to profit by this happy
reconciliation. I called them impossible to bring such a thing to pass, she did
not mind playing along and agreeing to his bold proposal. Mademoiselle de
Valois had a chambermaid named Angelique, who dressed her for bed and slept in
an adjoining room. One night as the chaperone was knitting, de Valois looked up
from the book she was reading to see Angelique carrying her mistress's
nightclothes to her room, but for some strange reason Angelique looked back at
her and smiled-it was Richelieu,
expertly
dressed as the maid! De Valois nearly gasped from fright, but caught herself,
realizing the danger she was in: if she said anything her family would find out
about the notes, and about her part in the whole affair. What could she do? She
decided to go to her room and talk the young duke out of his ridiculously
dangerous maneuver. She said good night to her chaperone, but once she was in
her bedroom, the words she had planned were useless. When she tried to reason
with Richelieu, he responded with that look in his eye, and then with his arms
around her. She could not yell, but now she was unsure what to do. His
impetuous words, his caresses, the danger of it all-her head was whirling, she
was lost. What was virtue and her prior boredom compared to an evening with the
court's most notorious rake? So while the chaperone knitted away, the duke
initiated her into the my dear wives, my faithful rituals of libertinage.
companions, the two bemgs Months later, de Valois's father had reason to
suspect that Richelieu had chosen to make me happy. i sought to turn their
broken through his lines of defense. The chaperone was fired, the precau-
heads, and to rouse in tions were doubled. D'Orleans did not realize that to
Richelieu such mea- them desires the strength of which I knew and which would
drive away any reflections contrary to my plans. The skillful man who knows how
to communicate gradually the heat of love to the senses of the most virtuous
woman is quite certain of soon being absolute master of her mind and her person;
you cannot reflect when you have lost your head; and, moreover, principles of
wisdom, however deeply engraved they may be on the mind, are effaced in that
moment when the heart yearns only for pleasure: pleasure alone then commands
and is obeyed. The man who has had experience of conquests nearly always
succeeds where he who is only timid and in love fails. . . . • When I had
brought my two belles to the state of abandonment in which I sures were a
challenge, and he lived for challenges. He bought the house next door under an
assumed name and secretly tunneled a trapdoor through the wall adjoining the
duke's kitchen cupboard. In this cupboard, over the next few months-until the
novelty wore off-de Valois and Richelieu enjoyed endless trysts. Everyone in Paris
knew of Richelieu's exploits, for he made it a point to publicize them as
loudly as possible. Every week a new story would circulate through the court. A
husband had locked his wife in an upstairs room at night, worried the duke was
after her; to reach her the duke had crawled in darkness along a thin wooden
plank suspended between two upper-floor windows.Two women who lived in the same
house, one a widow, the other married and quite religious, had discovered to
their mutual horror that the duke was having an affair with both of them at the
same time, leaving one in the middle of the night to be with the other. When
they confronted him, the duke, always on the prowl for something novel, and a
devilish talker, had neither apologized nor backed down, but proceeded to talk
them into a menage a trois, playing on the wounded vanity of each woman, who
could not stand the thought of him preferring the other. Year after year, the
stories of his remarkable seductions spread. One woman admired his audacity and
bravery, another his gallantry in thwarting a husband. Women competed for his
attention: if he did not want to seduce you, there had to be something wrong
with you. To be the target of his attentions became a great fantasy. At one
point two ladies fought a pistol duel over the duke, and one of them was
seriously wounded. The Duchess d'Orleans, Richelieu's most bitter enemy, once
wrote, "If I believed in sorcery I should think that the Duke possessed
some supernatural secret, for I have never known a woman to oppose the very
least resistance to him." In seduction there is often a dilemma: to seduce
you need planning and calculation, but if your victim suspects that you have
ulterior motives, she will grow defensive. Furthermore, if you seem to be in
control, you will inspire fear instead of desire. The Ardent Rake solves this
dilemma in the most artful manner. Of course he must calculate and plan-he has
to find a way around the jealous husband, or whatever the obstacle is. It is
exhausting work. But by nature, the Ardent Rake also has the advantage of an
uncontrollable libido. When he pursues a woman, he really is aglow with desire;
the victim senses this and is inflamed, even despite herself. How can she
imagine that he is a heartless seducer who will abandon her when he so ardently
braves all dangers and obstacles to get to her? And even if she is aware of his
rakish past, of his incorrigible amorality, it doesn't matter, because she also
sees his weakness. He cannot control himself; he actually is a slave to all women.
As such he inspires no fear. The Ardent Rake teaches us a simple lesson:
intense desire has a distracting power on a woman, just as the Siren's physical
presence does on a man. A woman is often defensive and can sense insincerity or
calculation. But if she feels consumed by your attentions, and is confident you
will do anything for her, she will notice nothing else about you, or will find
a way to forgive your indiscretions. This is the perfect cover for a seducer.
The kej| is to show no hesitation, to abandon all restraint, to let yourself
go, to show that you cannot control yourself and are fundamentally weak. Do not
worry about inspiring mistrust; as long as you are the slave to her charms, she
will not think of the aftermath. The Demonic Rake. I n the early 1880s, members
of Roman high society began to talk of a young journalist who had arrived on
the scene, a certain Gabriele D'Annunzio. This was strange in itself, for
Italian royalty had only the deepest contempt for anyone outside their circle,
and a newspaper society reporter was almost as low as you could go. Indeed
well-born men paid D'Annunzio little attention. He had no money and few
connections, coming from a strictly middle-class background. Besides, to them
he was downright ugly-short and stocky, with a dark, splotchy complexion and
bulging eyes. The men thought him so unappealing they gladly let him mingle
with their wives and daughters, certain that their women would be safe with
this gargoyle and happy to get this gossip hunter off their hands. No, it was
not the men who talked of D'Annunzio; it was their wives. wanted them, I
expressed a more eager desire; their eyes lit up; my caresses were returned;
and it was plain that their resistance would not delay for more than a few
moments the next scene I desired them to play. I proposed that
each
should accompany me in turn into a charming closet, next to the room in which
we were, which I wanted them to admire. They both remained silent. • "You
hesitate?" I said to them. "I will see which of you is the more
attached to me. The one who loves me the more will be the first to follow the
lover she wishes to convince of her affection. . . I knew my puritan, and I was
well aware that, after a few Struggles, she gave herself up completely to the
present moment. 'This one appeared to be as agreeable to her as the others we
had previously spent together; she forgot that she was sharing me [with Madame
Renaud]. . . . • [When her turn came ] Madame Renaud responded with a transport
that proved her contentment, and she left the sitting only after having
repeated continually: "What a man! What a man! He is astonishing! How
often you could be happy with him if he were only faithful!" - THE PRIVATE
LIFE OF THE MARSHAL DUKE OF RICHELIEU, TRANSLATED BY F. S. FLINT His very
successes in love, even more than the marvellous voice of this little, bald
seducer with a nose like Punch, swept along in his train a whole procession of
enamoured women, both opulent and tormented. D'Annunzio had successfully
revived the Byronic legend: as he passed by full-breasted women, standing in
his way as Boldoni would paint them, strings of pearls anchoring them to
life-princesses and actresses, great Russian ladies and even middle- class
Bordeaux housewives-they would offer themselves up to him. -PHILIPPE JULLIAN,
PRINCE OF AESTHETES: COUNT ROBERT DE MONTESQUIEOU, TRANSLATED BY JOHN HAYLOCK
AND FRANCIS KING In short, nothing is so sweet as to triumph over the
Resistance of a beautiful Person; and in that I have the Ambition of Conquerors,
who fly Introduced to D'Annunzio by their husbands, these duchesses and
marchionesses would find themselves entertaining this strange-looking man, and
when he was alone with them, his manner would suddenly change. Within minutes
these ladies would be spellbound. First, he had the most magnificent voice they
had ever heard-soft and low, each syllable articulated, with a flowing rhythm
and inflection that was almost musical. One woman compared it to the ringing of
church bells in the distance. Others said his voice had a "hypnotic"
effect. The words that voice spoke were interesting as well-alliterative
phrases, charming locutions, poetic images, and a way of offering praise that
could melt a woman's heart. D'Annunzio had mastered the art of flattery. He
seemed to know each woman's weakness: one he would call a goddess of nature,
another an incomparable artist in the making, another a romantic figure out of
a novel. A woman's heart would flutter as he described the effect she had on
him. Everything was suggestive, hinting at sex or romance. That night she would
ponder his words, recalling little in particular that he had said, because he
never said anything concrete, but rather the feeling it had given her. The next
day she would receive from him a poem that seemed to have been written
specifically for her. (In fact he wrote dozens of very similar poems, slightly
tailoring each one for its intended victim.) A few years after D'Annunzio began
work as a society reporter, he married the daughter of the Duke and Duchess of
Gallese. Shortly thereafter, with the unshakeable support of society ladies, he
began publishing novels and books of poetry. The number of his conquests was
remarkable, and also the quality-not only marchionesses would fall at his feet,
but great artists, such as the actress Eleanor Duse, who helped him become a
respected dramatist and literary celebrity. The dancer Isadora Duncan, another
who eventually fell under his spell, explained his magic: "Perhaps the
perpetually from victory to m0 st remarkable lover of our time is Gabriele
D'Annunzio. And this Victory and can never prevail with themselves to put a
bound to their Wishes. Nothing can restrain the Impetuosity of my Desires; I
have an Heart for the whole Earth; and like Alexander, I could wish for New
Worlds wherein to extend my Amorous Conquests. -MOLIERE, DON JOHN OR THE
LIBERTINE. TRANSLATED BY JOHN OZELL notwithstanding that he is small, bald,
and, except when his face lights up with enthusiasm, ugly But when he speaks to
a woman he likes, his face is transfigured, so that he suddenly becomes Apollo.
. . . His effect on women is remarkable. The lady he is talking to suddenly
feels that her very soul and being are lifted." At the outbreak of World
War I, the fifty-two-year-old D'Annunzio joined the army. Although he had no
military experience, he had a flair for the dramatic and a burning desire to
prove his bravery. He learned to fly and led dangerous but highly effective
missions. By the end of the war, he was Italy's most decorated hero. His
exploits made him a beloved national figure, and after the war, crowds would
gather outside his hotel wherever in Italy he went. He would address them from
a balcony, discussing politics, railing against the current Italian government.
A witness of one of these speeches, the American writer Walter Starkie, was
initially disappointed at the appearance of the famous D'Annunzio on a balcony
in Venice; he was short, and looked grotesque. "Little by little, however,
I began to sink under the fascination of the voice, which penetrated into my
consciousness. . . . Never a hurried, jerky gesture. ... He played upon the
emotions of the crowd as a supreme violinist does upon a Stradivarius. The eyes
of the thousands were fixed upon him as though hypnotized by his power."
Once again, it was the sound of the voice and the poetic connotations of the
words that seduced the masses. Arguing that modern Italy should reclaim the
greatness of the Roman Empire, D'Annunzio would craft slogans for the audience
to repeat, or would ask emotionally loaded questions for them to answer. He
flattered the crowd, made them feel they were part of some drama. Everything
was vague and suggestive. The issue of the day was the ownership of the city of
Fiume, just across the border in neighboring Yugoslavia. Many Italians believed
that Italy's reward for siding with the Allies in the recent war should be the
annexation of Fiume. D'Annunzio championed this cause, and because of his
status as a war hero the army was ready to side with him, although the
government opposed any action. In September of 1919, with soldiers rallying
around him, D'Annunzio led his infamous march on Fiume. When an Italian general
stopped him along the way, and threatened to shoot him, D'Annunzio opened his
coat to show his medals, and said in his magnetic voice, "If you must kill
me, fire first on this!" The general stood there stunned, then broke into
tears. He joined up with D'Annunzio. When D'Annunzio entered Fiume, he was
greeted as a liberator. The next day he was declared leader of the Free State
of Fiume. Soon he was giving daily speeches from a balcony overlooking the
town's main square, holding tens of thousands of people spellbound without
benefit of loudspeakers. He initiated all kinds of celebrations and rituals
harking back to the Roman Empire. The citizens of Fiume began to imitate him,
particularly his sexual exploits; the city became like a giant bordello. His
popularity was so high that the Italian government feared a march on Rome,
which at that point, had D'Annunzio decided to do it-and he had the support of
a large part of the military-might actually have succeeded; D'Annunzio could
have beaten Mussolini to the punch and changed the course of history. (He was
not a Fascist but a kind of aesthetic socialist.) He decided to stay in Fiume,
however, and ruled there for sixteen months before the Italian government
finally bombed him out of the city. Seduction is a psychological process that
transcends gender, except in a few key areas where each gender has its own
weakness. The male is traditionally vulnerable to the visual. The Siren who can
concoct the right physical appearance will seduce in large numbers. For women
the weakness is language and words: as was written by one of D'Annunzio's
victims, the French actress Simone, "How can one explain his conquests
except by his extraordinary verbal power, and the musical timbre of his voice,
put to the service of exceptional eloquence? For my sex is susceptible to
words, bewitched by them, longing to be dominated by them." The Rake is as
promiscuous with words as he is with women. He chooses words for their ability
to suggest, insinuate, hypnotize, elevate, in- Among the many modes of handling
Don Juan's effect on women, the motif of the irresistible hero is worth
singling out, for it illustrates a curious change in our sensibility. Don Juan
did not become irresistible to women until the Romantic age, and I am disposed
to think that it is a trait of the female imagination to make him so. When the
female voice began to assert itself and even, perhaps, to dominate in
literature, Don Juan evolved to become the women's rather than the man's ideal.
. . . Don Juan is now the woman's dream of the perfect lover, fugitive,
passionate, daring. He gives her the one unforgettable moment, the magnificent
exaltation of the flesh which is too often denied her by the real husband, who
thinks that men are gross and women spiritual. To be the fatal Don Juan may be
the dream of a few men; but to meet him is the dream of many women. -OSCAR
MANDEL,"THE LEGEND OF DON JUAN," THE THEATRE OF DON JUAN feet. The
words of the Rake are the equivalent of the bodily adornment of the Siren: a
powerful sensual distraction, a narcotic. The Rake's use of language is demonic
because it is designed not to communicate or convey information but to
persuade, flatter, stir emotional turmoil, much as the serpent in the Garden of
Eden used words to lead Eve into temptation. The example of D'Annunzio reveals
the link between the erotic Rake, who seduces women, and the political Rake,
who seduces the masses. Both depend on words. Adapt the character of the Rake
and you will find that the use of words as a subtle poison has infinite
applications. Remember: it is the form that matters, not the content. The less
your targets focus on what you say, and the more on how it makes them feel, the
more seductive your effect. Give your words a lofty, spiritual, literary flavor
the better to insinuate desire in your unwitting victims. But what is this
force, then, by which Don Juan seduces? It is desire, the energy of sensuous
desire. He desires in every woman the whole of womanhood. The reaction to this
gigantic passion beautifies and develops the one desired, who flushes in
enhanced beauty by his reflection. As the enthusiast's fire with seductive
splendor illumines even those who stand in a casual relation to him, so Don
Juan transfigures in afar deeper sense every girl. -S0REN KIERKEGAARD,
EITHER/OR Keys to the Character A t first it may seem strange that a man who is
clearly dishonest, disloyal, and has no interest in marriage would have any
appeal to a woman. But throughout all of history, and in all cultures, this
type has had a fatal effect. What the Rake offers is what society normally does
not allow women: an affair of pure pleasure, an exciting brush with danger. A
woman is often deeply oppressed by the role she is expected to play She is
supposed to be the tender, civilizing force in society, and to want commitment
and lifelong loyalty. But often her marriages and relationships give her not
romance and devotion but routine and an endlessly distracted mate. It remains
an abiding female fantasy to meet a man who gives totally of himself, who lives
for her, even if only for a while. This dark, repressed side of female desire
found expression in the legend of Don Juan. At first the legend was a male
fantasy: the adventurous knight who could have any woman he wanted. But in the
seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, Don Juan slowly evolved from the
masculine adventurer to a more feminized version: a man who lived only for
women. This evolution came from women's interest in the story, and was a result
of their frustrated desires. Marriage for them was a form of indentured
servitude; but Don Juan offered pleasure for its own sake, desire with no
strings attached. For the time he crossed your path, you were all he thought
about. His desire for you was so powerful that he gave you no time to think or
to worry about the consequences. He would come in the night, give you an unforgettable
moment, and then vanish. He might have conquered a thousand women before you,
but that only made him more interesting; better to be abandoned than undesired
by such a man. The great seducers do not offer the mild pleasures that society
condones. They touch a person's unconscious, those repressed desires that cry
out for liberation. Do not imagine that women are the tender creatures that
some people would like them to be. Like men, they are deeply attracted to the
forbidden, the dangerous, even the slightly evil. (Don Juan ends by going to
hell, and the word "rake" comes from "rakehell," a man who
rakes the coals of hell; the devilish component, clearly, is an important part
of the fantasy.) Always remember: if you are to play the Rake, you must convey
a sense of risk and darkness, suggesting to your victim that she is
participating in something rare and thrilling-a chance to play out her own
rakish desires. To play the Rake, the most obvious requirement is the ability
to let yourself go, to draw a woman into the kind of purely sensual moment in
which past and future lose meaning. You must be able to abandon yourself to the
moment. (When the Rake Valmont-a character modeled after the Duke de
Richelieu-in Laclos' eighteenth-century novel Dangerous Liaisons writes letters
that are obviously calculated to have a certain effect on his chosen victim,
Madame de Tourvel, she sees right through them; but when his letters really do
burn with passion, she begins to relent.) An added benefit of this quality is
that it makes you seem unable to control yourself, a display of weakness that a
woman enjoys. By abandoning yourself to the seduced, you make them feel that
you exist for them alone-a feeling reflecting a truth, though a temporary one.
Of the hundreds of women that Pablo Picasso, consummate rake, seduced over the
years, most of them had the feeling that they were the only one he truly loved.
The Rake never worries about a woman's resistance to him, or for that matter
about any other obstacle in his path-a husband, a physical barrier. Resistance
is only the spur to his desire, enflaming him all the more. When Picasso was
seducing Fran£oise Gilot, in fact, he begged her to resist; he needed
resistance to add to the thrill. In any case, an obstacle in your way gives you
the opportunity to prove yourself, and the creativity you bring to matters of
love. In the eleventh-century Japanese novel The Tale ofGenji, by the court
lady Murasaki Shikibu, the Rake Prince Niou is not disturbed by the sudden
disappearance of Ukifune, the woman he loves. She has fled because although she
is interested in the prince, she is in love with another man; but her absence
allows the prince to go to extreme lengths to track her down. His sudden
appearance to whisk her away to a house deep in the woods, and the gallantry he
displays in doing so, overwhelm her. Remember: if no resistances or obstacles
face you, you must create them. No seduction can proceed without them. The Rake
is an extreme personality. Impudent, sarcastic, and bitingly witty, he cares
nothing for what anyone thinks. Paradoxically, this only makes him more
seductive. In the courtlike atmosphere of studio-era Hollywood, when most of
the actors behaved like dutiful sheep, the great Rake Errol Flynn stood out in
his insolence. He defied the studio chiefs, engaged in the most extreme pranks,
reveled in his reputation as Hollywood's supreme seducer-all of which enhanced
his popularity. The Rake needs a
backdrop
of convention-a stultified court, a humdrum marriage, a conservative culture-to
shine, to be appreciated for the breath of fresh air he provides. Never worry
about going too far: the Rake's essence is that he goes further than anyone
else. When the Earl of Rochester, seventeenth-century England's most notorious
Rake and poet, abducted Elizabeth Malet, one of the most sought- after young
ladies of the court, he was duly punished. But lo and behold, a few years later
young Elizabeth, though wooed by the most eligible bachelors in the country,
chose Rochester to be her husband. In demonstrating his audacious desire, he
made himself stand out from the crowd. Related to the Rake's extremism is the
sense of danger, taboo, perhaps even the hint of cruelty about him. This was
the appeal of another poet Rake, one of the greatest in history: Lord Byron.
Byron disliked any kind of convention, and happily played this up. When he had
an affair with his half sister, who bore a child by him, he made sure that all
of England knew about it. He could be uncommonly cruel, as he was to his wife.
But all of this only made him that much more desirable. Danger and taboo appeal
to a repressed side in women, who are supposed to represent a civilizing,
moralizing force in culture. Just as a man may fall victim to the Siren through
his desire to be free of his sense of masculine responsibility, a woman may
succumb to the Rake through her yearning to be free of the constraints of
virtue and decency. Indeed it is often the most virtuous woman who falls most
deeply in love with the Rake. Among the Rake's most seductive qualities is his
ability to make women want to reform him. How many thought they would be the
one to tame Lord Byron; how many of Picasso's women thought they would finally
be the one with whom he would spend the rest of his life. You must exploit this
tendency to the fullest. When caught red-handed in rakishness, fall back on
your weakness-your desire to change, and your inability to do so. With so many
women at your feet, what can you do? You are the one who is the victim. You
need help. Women will jump at this opportunity; they are uncommonly indulgent
of the Rake, for he is such a pleasant, dashing figure. The desire to reform
him disguises the true nature of their desire, the secret thrill they get from
him. When President Bill Clinton was clearly caught out as a Rake, it was women
who rushed to his defense, finding every possible excuse for him. The fact that
the Rake is so devoted to women, in his own strange way, makes him lovable and
seductive to them. Finally, a Rake's greatest asset is his reputation. Never
downplay your bad name, or seem to apologize for it. Instead, embrace it,
enhance it. It is what draws women to you. There are several things you must be
known for: your irresistible attractiveness to women; your uncontrollable devotion
to pleasure (this will make you seem weak, but also exciting to be around);
your disdain for convention; a rebellious streak that makes you seem dangerous.
This last element can be slightly hidden; on the surface, be polite and civil,
while letting it be known that behind the scenes you are incorrigible. Duke de
Richelieu made his conquests as public as possible, exciting other women's
competitive desire to join the club of the seduced. It was by reputation that
Lord Byron attracted his willing victims. A woman may feel ambivalent about
President Clinton's reputation, but beneath that ambivalence is an underlying
interest. Do not leave your reputation to chance or gossip; it is your life's
artwork, and you must craft it, hone it, and display it with the care of an
artist. Symbol: Fire. The Rake burns with a desire that enflames the woman he
is seducing. It is extreme, uncontrollable, and dangerous. The Rake may end in
hell, but the flames surrounding him often make him seem that much more
desirable to women. Dangers ";e the Siren, the Rake faces the most danger
from members of his J _/Dwn sex, who are far less indulgent than women are of
his constant skirt chasing. In the old days, a Rake was often an aristocrat,
and no matter how many people he offended or even killed, in the end he would
go unpunished. Today, only stars and the very wealthy can play the Rake with
impunity; the rest of us need to be careful. Elvis Presley had been a shy young
man. Attaining early stardom, and seeing the power it gave him over women, he
went berserk, becoming a Rake almost overnight. Like many Rakes, Elvis had a
predilection for women who were already taken. He found himself cornered by an
angry husband or boyfriend on numerous occasions, and came away with a few cuts
and bruises. This might seem to suggest that you should step lightly around
husbands and boyfriends, especially early on in your career. But the charm of
the Rake is that such dangers don't matter to them. You cannot be a Rake by
being fearful and prudent; the occasional pummeling is part of the game. Later
on, in any case, at the height of Elvis's fame, no husband would dare touch
him. The greater danger for the Rake comes not from the violently offended
husband but from those insecure men who feel threatened by the Don Juan figure.
Although they will not admit it, they envy the Rake's life of pleasure, and
like everyone envious, they will attack in hidden ways, often masking their
persecutions as morality. The Rake may find his career endangered by such men
(or by the occasional woman who is equally insecure, and who feels hurt because
the Rake does not want her). There is little the Rake can do to avoid envy; if
everyone was as successful in seduction, society would not function. So accept
envy as a badge of honor. Don't be naive, be aware. When attacked by a moralist
persecutor, do not be taken in by their cmsade; it is motivated by envy, pure
and simple. You can blunt it by being less of a Rake, asking forgiveness,
claiming to have reformed, but this will damage your reputation, making you
seem less lovably rakish. In the end, it is better to suffer attacks with
dignity and keep on seducing. Seduction is the source of your power; and you
can always count on the infinite indulgence of women. the Ideal lover Most people
have dreams in their youth that get shattered or worn down with age. They find
themselves disappointed by people, events, reality, which cannot match their
youthful ideals. Ideal Lovers thrive on people's broken dreams, which become
lifelong fantasies. You long for romance ? Adventure? Lofty spiritual
communion? The Ideal Lover reflects your fantasy. He or she is an artist in
creating the illusion you require, idealizing your portrait. In a world of
disenchantment and baseness, there is limitless seductive power in following
the path of the Ideal Lover. The Romantic Ideal O ne evening around 1760, at
the opera in the city of Cologne, a beautiful young woman sat in her box,
watching the audience. Beside her was her husband, the town burgomaster-a middle-aged
man and amiable enough, but dull. Through her opera glasses the young woman
noticed a handsome man wearing a stunning outfit. Evidently her stare was
noticed, for after the opera the man introduced himself: his name was Giovanni
Gi- if at first sight a girl does acomo Casanova. The stranger kissed the
woman's hand. She was going to a ball the following night, she told him; would
he like to come? "If I might dare to hope, Madame," he replied,
"that you will dance only with me." The next night, after the ball,
the woman could think only of Casanova. He had seemed to anticipate her
thoughts-had been so pleasant, and yet so bold. A few days later he dined at
her house, and after her husband had retired for the evening she showed him
around. In her boudoir she pointed out a wing of the house, a chapel, just
outside her window. Sure enough, as if he had read her mind, Casanova came to
the chapel the next day to attend Mass, and seeing her at the theater that
evening he mentioned to her that he had noticed a door there that must lead to
her bedroom. She not make such a deep impression on a person that she awakens
the ideal, then ordinarily the actuality is not especially desirable; but if
she does, then no matter how experienced a person is he usually is rather overwhelmed.
-S0REN KIERKEGAARD, THE SEDUCER'S DIARY. TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. HONG AND EDNA
H. HONG laughed, and pretended to be surprised. In the most innocent of tones,
he said that he would find a way to hide in the chapel the next day-and almost
without thinking, she whispered she would visit him there after everyone had
gone to bed. So Casanova hid in the chapel's tiny confessional, waiting all day
and evening. There were rats, and he had nothing to lie upon; yet when the
burgomaster's wife finally came, late at night, he did not complain, but
quietly followed her to her room. They continued their trysts for several days.
By day she could hardly wait for night: finally something to live for, an
adventure. She left him food, books, and candles to ease his long and tedious
stays in the chapel-it seemed wrong to use a place of worship for such a
purpose, but that only made the affair more exciting. A few days later,
however, she had to take a journey with her husband. By the time she got back,
Casanova had disappeared, as quickly and gracefully as he had come. Some years
later, in London, a young woman named Miss Pauline noticed an ad in a local
newspaper. A gentleman was looking for a lady lodger to rent a part of his
house. Miss Pauline came from Portugal, and was of the nobility; she had eloped
to London with a lover, but he had been A good lover will behave as elegantly
at dawn as at any other time. He drags himself out of bed with a look of dismay
on his face. The lady urges him on: "Come, my friend, it's getting light.
You don't want anyone to find you here." He gives a deep sigh, as if to
say that the night has not been nearly long enough and that it is agony to
leave. Once up, he does not instantly pull on his trousers. Instead he comes
close to the lady and whispers whatever was left unsaid during the night. Even
when he is dressed, he still lingers, vaguely pretending to be fastening his
sash. • Presently he raises the lattice, and the two lovers stand together m
the side door while he tells her how he dreads the coining day, which will keep
them apart; then he slips away. The lady watches him go, and this moment of
parting will remain among her most charming memories. • Indeed, one's
attachment to a man depends largely on the elegance of his leave- taking; When
he jumps out of bed, scurries about the room, tightly fastens his trouser sash,
rolls up the sleeves of his court cloak, overrobe, or hunting costume, stuffs
his belongings into the breast of his robe and then briskly secures the outer
sash-one really begins to hate him. PILLOW fBML iO F SEI SHONAGON. TRANSLATED
AND forced to return home and she had had to stay on alone for some while
before she couldjoin him. Now she was lonely, and had little money, and was
depressed by her squalid circumstances-after all, she had been raised as a
lady. She answered the ad. The gentleman turned out to be Casanova, and what a
gentleman he was. The room he offered was nice, and the rent was low; he asked
only for occasional companionship. Miss Pauline moved in. They played chess,
went riding, discussed literature. He was so well-bred, polite, and generous. A
serious and high-minded girl, she came to depend on their friendship; here was
a man she could talk to for hours. Then one day Casanova seemed changed, upset,
excited: he confessed that he was in love with her. She was going back to
Portugal soon, to rejoin her lover, and this was not what she wanted to hear.
She told him he should go riding to calm down. Later that evening she received
news: he had fallen from his horse. Feeling responsible for his accident, she
rushed to him, found him in bed, and fell into his arms, unable to control
herself. The two became lovers that night, and remained so for the rest of Miss
Pauline's stay in London. Yet when it came time for her to leave for Portugal,
he did not try to stop her; instead, he comforted her, reasoning that each of
them had offered the other the perfect, temporary antidote to their loneliness,
and that they would be friends for life. Some years later, in a small Spanish
town, a young and beautiful girl named Ignazia was leaving church after
confession. She was approached by Casanova. Walking her home, he explained that
he had a passion for dancing the fandango, and invited her to a ball the
following evening. He was so different from anyone in the town, which bored her
so-she desperately wanted to go. Her parents were against the arrangement, but
she persuaded her mother to act as a chaperone. After an unforgettable evening
of dancing (and he danced the fandango remarkably well for a foreigner),
Casanova confessed that he was madly in love with her. She replied (very sadly,
though) that she already had a fiance. Casanova did not force the issue, but
over the next few days he took Ignazia to more dances and to the bullfights. On
one of these occasions he introduced her to a friend of his, a duchess, who
flirted with him brazenly; Ignazia was terribly jealous. By now she was
desperately in love with Casanova, but her sense of duty and religion forbade
such thoughts. Finally, after days of torment, Ignazia sought out Casanova and
took his hand: "My confessor tried to make me promise to never be alone
with you again," she said, "and as I could not, he refused to give me
absolution. It is the first time in my life such a thing has happened to me. I
have put myself in God's hands. I have made up my mind, so long as you are
here, to do all you wish. When to my sorrow you leave Spain, I shall find
another confessor. My fancy for you is, after all, only a passing madness."
Casanova was perhaps the most successful seducer in history; few women could
resist him. His method was simple: on meeting a woman, he would study her, go
along with her moods, find out what was missing in her life, and provide it. He
made himself the Ideal Lover. The bored burgomaster's wife needed adventure and
romance; she wanted someone who would sacrifice time and comfort to have her.
For Miss Pauline what was missing was friendship, lofty ideals, serious
conversation; she wanted a man of breeding and generosity who would treat her
like a lady. For Ignazia, what was missing was suffering and torment. Her life
was too easy; to feel truly alive, and to have something real to confess, she
needed to sin. In each case Casanova adapted himself to the woman's ideals,
brought her fantasy to life. Once she had fallen under his spell, a littleruse
or calculation would seal the romance (a day among rats, a contrived fall from
a horse, an encounter with another woman to make Ignazia jealous). The Ideal
Lover is rare in the modern world, for the role takes effort. You will have to
focus intensely on the other person, fathom what she is missing, what he is
disappointed by. People will often reveal this in subtle ways: through gesture,
tone of voice, a look in the eye. By seeming to be what they lack, you will fit
their ideal. To create this effect requires patience and attention to detail.
Most people are so wrapped up in their own desires, so impatient, they are
incapable of the Ideal Lover role. Let that be a source of infinite
opportunity. Be an oasis in the desert of the self-absorbed; few can resist the
temptation of following a person who seems so attuned to their desires, to
bringing to life their fantasies. And as with Casanova, your reputation as one
who gives such pleasure will precede you and make your seductions that much The
cultivation of the pleasures of the senses was ever my principal aim in life.
Knowing that I was personally calculated to please the fair sex, 1 always
strove to make myself agreeable to it. -CASANOVA The Beauty Ideal I n 1730,
when Jeanne Poisson was a mere nine years old, a fortune-teller predicted that
one day she would be the mistress of Louis XV. The prediction was quite
ridiculous, since Jeanne came from the middle class, and it was a tradition
stretching back for centuries that the king's mistress be chosen from among the
nobility. To make matters worse, Jeanne's father was a notorious rake, and her
mother had been a courtesan. Fortunately for Jeanne, one of her mother's lovers
was a man of great wealth who took a liking to the pretty girl and paid for her
education. Jeanne learned to sing, to play the clavichord, to ride with
uncommon skill, to act and dance; she was schooled in literature and history as
if she were a boy. The playwright Crebillon instructed her in the art of
conversation. During the early 1970s, against a turbulent political backdrop
that included the fiasco of American involvement in the Vietnam War and the
downfall of President Richard Nixon's presidency in the Watergate scandal, a
"me generation" sprang to prominence-and [Andy] Warhol was there to
hold up its mirror.Unlike the radicalized protesters of the 1960s who wanted to
change all the ills of society, the self- absorbed "me" people sought
to improve their bodies and to "get in touch" with their own
feelings. They cared passionately about their appearance, health, lifestyle,
and bank accounts. Andy catered to their self- centeredness and inflated pride
by offering his services as a portraitist. By the end of the decade, he would
be internationally recognized as one of the leading portraitists of his era. .
. . • Warhol offered his clients an irresistible product: a stylish and
flattering portrait by a famous artist who was himself a certified celebrity.
Conferring an alluring star presence upon even the most celebrated of faces, he
transformed his subjects into glamorous apparitions, presenting their faces as
he thought they wanted to be seen and remembered. By filtering his sitters'
good features through his silkscreens and exaggerating their vivacity, he
enabled them to gain entree to a more mythic and rarefied level of existence.
The possession of great wealth and power might do for everyday life, but the
commissioning of a portrait by Warhol was a sure indication that the sitter
intended to secure a posthumous fame as well. Warhol's portraits were not so
much realistic documents of contemporary faces as they were designer icons
awaiting future devotions. -DAVID BOURDON, WARHOL Women have served all these
centuries as looking glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of
reflecting the figure of a man at twice its natural size. -VIRGINIA WOOLF, A
ROOM OF ONE'S OWN On top of it all, Jeanne was beautiful, and had a charm and
grace that set her apart early on. In 1741, she married a man of the lower
nobility. Now
known
as Madame d'Etioles, she could realize a great ambition: she opened a literary
salon. All of the great writers and philosophers of the time frequented the
salon, many because they were enamored of the hostess. One of these was
Voltaire, who became a lifelong friend. Through all Jeanne's success, she never
forgot the fortune-teller's prediction, and still believed that she would one
day conquer the king's heart. It happened that one of her husband's country
estates bordered on King Louis's favorite hunting grounds. She would spy on him
through the fence, or find ways to cross his path, always while she happened to
be wearing an elegant, yet fetching outfit. Soon the king was sending her gifts
of game. When his official mistress died, in 1744, all of the court beauties
vied to take her place; but he began to spend more and more time with Madame
d'Etioles, dazzled by her beauty and charm. To the astonishment of the court,
that same year he made this middle-class woman his official mistress, ennobling
her with the title of the Marquise de Pompadour. The king's need for novelty
was notorious: a mistress would beguile him with her looks, but he would soon
grow bored with her and find someone else. After the shock of his choice of
Jeanne Poisson wore off, the courtiers reassured themselves that it could not
last-that he had only chosen her for the novelty of having a middle-class
mistress. Little did they know that Jeanne s first seduction of the king was not
the last seduction she had in mind. As time went by, the king found himself
visiting his mistress more and more often. As he ascended the hidden stair that
led from his quarters to hers in the palace of Versailles, anticipation of the
delights that awaited him at the top would begin to turn his head. First, the
room was always warm, and was filled with delightful scents. Then there were
the visual delights: Madame de Pompadour always wore a different costume, each
one elegant and surprising in its own way. She loved beautiful objects-fine
porcelain, Chinese fans, golden flowerpots-and every time he visited, there
would be something new and enchanting to see. Her manner was always
lighthearted; she was never defensive or resentful. Everything for pleasure. Then
there was their conversation: he had never been really able to talk with a
woman before, or to laugh, but the marquise could discourse skillfully on any
subject, and her voice was a pleasure to hear. And if the conversation waned,
she would move to the piano, play a tune, and sing wonderfully. If ever the
king seemed bored or sad, Madame de Pompadour would propose some
project-perhaps the building of a new country house. He would have to advise in
the design, the layout of the gardens, the decor. Back at Versailles, Madame de
Pompadour put hersell in charge of the palace amusements, building a private
theater for weekly performances under her direction. Actors were chosen from
among the courtiers, but the female lead was always played by Madame de Pompadour,
who was one of the finest amateur actresses in France. The king became obsessed
with this theater; he could barely wait for its performances. Along with this
interest came an increasing expenditure of money on the arts, and an
involvement in philosophy and literature. A man who had cared only for hunting
and gambling was spending less and less time with his male companions and
becoming a great patron of the arts. Indeed he stamped a whole era with an
aesthetic style, which became known as "Louis Quinze," rivaling the
style associated with his illustrious predecessor, Louis XTV. Lo and behold,
year after year went by without Louis tiring of his mistress. In fact he made
her a duchess, and her power and influence extended well beyond culture into politics.
For twenty years, Madame de Pompadour ruled both the court and the king's
heart, until her untimely death, in 1764, at the age of forty-three. Louis XV
had a powerful inferiority complex. The successor to Louis XTV, the most
powerful kingin French history, he had been educated and trained for the
throne-yet who could follow his predecessor's act? Eventually he gave up
trying, devoting himself instead to physical pleasures, which came to define
how he was seen; the people around him knew they could sway him by appealing to
the basest parts of his character. Madame de Pompadour, genius of seduction,
understood that inside Louis XV was a great man yearning to come out, and that
his obsession with pretty young women indicated a hunger for a more lasting kind
of beauty. Her first step was to cure his incessant bouts of boredom. It is
easy for kings to be bored-everything they want is given to them, and they
seldom learn to be satisfied with what they have. The Marquise de Pompadour
dealt with this by bringing all sorts of fantasies to life, and creating
constant suspense. She had many skills and talents, and just as important, she
deployed them so artfully that he never discovered their limits. Once she had
accustomed him to more refined pleasures, she appealed to the crushed ideals
within him; in the mirror she held up to him, he saw his aspiration to be
great, a desire that, in France, inevitably included leadership in culture. His
previous series of mistresses had tickled only his sensual desires. In Madame de
Pompadour he found a woman who made him feel greatness in himself. The other
mistresses could easily be replaced, but he could never find another Madame de
Pompadour. Most people believe themselves to be inwardly greater than they
outwardly appear to the world. They are full of unrealized ideals; they could
be artists, thinkers, leaders, spiritual figures, but the world has crushed
them, denied them the chance to let their abilities flourish. This is the key
to their seduction-and to keeping them seduced over time. The Ideal Lover knows
how to conjure up this kind of magic. Appeal only to people's physical side, as
many amateur seducers do, and they will resent you for playing upon their
basest instincts. But appeal to their better selves, to a higher standard of
beauty, and they will hardly notice that they have been seduced. Make them feel
elevated, lofty, spiritual, and your power over them will be limitless. Love
brings to light a lover's noble and hidden qualities - his rare and exceptional
traits: it is thus liable to be deceptive as to his normal character.
-FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE Keys to the Character E ach of us carries inside us an
ideal, either of what we would like to become, or of what we want another
person to be for us. This ideal goes back to our earliest years-to what we once
felt was missing in our lives, what others did not give to us, what we could
not give to ourselves. Maybe we were smothered in comfort, and we long for
danger and rebellion. If we want danger but it frightens us, perhaps we look
for someone who seems at home with it. Or perhaps our ideal is more elevated-we
want to be more creative, nobler, and kinder than we ever manage to be. Our
ideal is something we feel is missing inside us. Our ideal may be buried in
disappointment, but it lurks underneath, waiting to be sparked. If another
person seems to have that ideal quality, or to have the ability to bring it out
in us, we fall in love. That is the response to Ideal Lovers. Attuned to what
is missing inside you, to the fantasy that will stir you, they reflect your
ideal-and you do the rest, projecting on to them your deepest desires and
yearnings. Casanova and Madame de Pompadour did not merely seduce their targets
into a sexual affair, they made them fall in love. The key to following the
path of the Ideal Lover is the ability to observe. Ignore your targets' words
and conscious behavior; focus on the tone of their voice, a blush here, a look
there-those signs that betray what their words won't say. Often the ideal is
expressed in contradiction. King Louis XV seemed to care only about chasing
deer and young girls, but that in fact covered up his disappointment in
himself; he yearned to have his nobler qualities flattered. Never has there
beenabettermoment than now to play the Ideal Lover. That is because we live in
a world in which everything must seem elevated and well-intentioned. Power is
the most taboo topic of all: although it is the reality we deal with every day
in our struggles with people, there is nothing noble, self-sacrificing, or
spiritual about it. Ideal Lovers make you feel nobler, make the sensual and
sexual seem spiritual and aesthetic. Like all seducers, they play with power,
but they disguise their manipulations behind the facade of an ideal. Few people
see through them and their seductions last longer. Some ideals resemble Jungian
archetypes-they go back a long way in our culture, and their hold is almost
unconscious. One such dream is that of the chivalrous knight. In the courtly
love tradition of the Middle Ages, a troubadour/knight would find a lady,
almost always a married one. and would serve as her vassal. He would go through
terrible trials on her behalf, undertake dangerous pilgrimages in her name,
suffer awful tortures to prove his love. (This could include bodily mutilation,
such as tearing off of fingernails, the cutting of an ear, etc.) He would also
write poems and sing beautiful songs to her, for no troubadour could succeed
without some kind of aesthetic or spiritual quality to impress his lady. The
key to the archetype is a sense of absolutedevotion. A man who will not let
matters of warfare, glory, or money intrude into the fantasy of courtship has
limitless power. The troubadour role is an ideal because people who do not put
themselves and their own interests first are truly rare. For a woman to attract
the intense attention of such a man is immensely appealing to her vanity. In
eighteenth-century Osaka, a man named Nisan took the courtesan Dewa out
walking, first taking care to sprinkle the clover bushes along the path with
water, which looked like morning dew. Dewa was greatly moved by this beautiful
sight. "I have heard," she said, "that loving couples of deer
are wont to lie behind clover bushes. How I should like to see this in real life!"
Nisan had heard enough. That very day he had a section of her house torn down
and ordered the planting of dozens of clover bushes in what had once been a
part of her bedroom. That night, he arranged for peasants to round up wild deer
from the mountains and bring them to the house. The next day Dewa awoke to
precisely the scene she had described. Once she appeared overwhelmed and moved,
he had the clover and deer taken away and the house rebuilt. One of history's
most gallant lovers, Sergei Saltykov, had the misfortune to fall in love with
one of history's least available women: the Grand Duchess Catherine,future
empress of Russia. Catherine's every move was watched over by her husband,
Peter, who suspected her of trying to cheat on him and appointed servants to
keep an eye on her. She was isolated, unloved, and unable to do anything about
it. Saltykov, a handsome young army officer, was determined to be her rescuer.
In 1752 he befriended Peter, and also the couple in charge of watching over
Catherine. In this way he was able to see her and occasionally exchange a word
or two with her that revealed his intentions. He performed the most foolhardy
and dangerous maneuvers to be able to see her alone, including diverting her
horse during a royal hunt and riding off into the forest with her. He told her
how much he sympathized with her plight, and that he would do anything to help
her. To be caught courting Catherine would have meant death, and eventually
Peter came to suspect that something was up between his wife and Saltykov,
though he was never sure. His enmity did not discourage the dashing officer,
who just put still more energy and ingenuity into finding ways to arrange
secret trysts. The couple were lovers for two years, and Saltykov was
undoubtedly the father of Catherine's son Paul, later the emperor of Russia.
When Peter finally got rid of him by sending him off to Sweden, news of his
gallantry traveled ahead of him, and women swooned to be Ms next conquest. You
may not have to go to as much trouble or risk, but you will always be rewarded
for actions that reveal a sense of self- sacrifice or devotion. The embodiment
of the Ideal Lover for the 1920s was Rudolph Valentino, or at least the image
created of him in film. Everything he did-the gifts, the flowers, the dancing,
the way he took a woman's hand-showed a scrupulous attention to the details
that would signify how much he was thinking of her. The image was of a man who
made courtship take time, transforming it into an aesthetic experience. Men
hated Valentino, because women now expected them to match the ideal of patience
and attentiveness that he represented. Yet nothing is more seductive than
patient attentiveness. It makes the affair seem lofty, aesthetic, not really
about sex. The power of a Valentino, particularly nowadays, is that people like
this are so rare. The art of playing to a woman's ideal has almost
disappeared-which only makes it that much more alluring. If the chivalrous
lover remains the ideal for women, men often idealize the Madonna/whore, a woman
who combines sensuality with an air of spirituality or innocence. Think of the
great courtesans of the Italian Renaissance, such as Tullia
d'Aragona-essentially a prostitute, like all courtesans, but able to disguise
her social role by establishing a reputation as a poet and philosopher. Tullia
was what was then known as an "honest courtesan." Honest courtesans
would go to church, but they had an ulterior motive: for men, their presence at
Mass was exciting. Their houses were pleasure palaces, but what made these
homes so visually delightful was their artworks and shelves full of books,
volumes of Petrarch and Dante. For the man, the thrill, the fantasy, was to
sleep with a woman who was sexual yet had the ideal qualities of a mother and
the spirit and intellect of an artist. Where the pure prostitute excited desire
but also disgust, the honest courtesan made sex seem elevated and innocent, as
if it were happening in the Garden of Eden. Such women held immense power over
men. To tMs day they remain an ideal, if for no other reason than that they
offer such a range of pleasures. The key is ambiguity-to combine the appearance
of sensitivity to the pleasures of the flesh with an air of innocence,
spirituality, a poetic sensibility. This mix of the high and the low is
immensely seductive. The dynamics of the Ideal Lover have limitless
possibilities, not all of them erotic. In politics, Talleyrand essentially
played the role of the Ideal Lover with Napoleon, whose ideal in both a cabinet
minister and a friend was a man who was aristocratic, smooth with the
ladies-allthe things that Napoleon Mmself was not. In 1798, when Talleyrand was
the French foreign minister, he hosted a party in Napoleon's honor after the
great general's dazzling military victories in Italy. To the day Napoleon died,
he remembered tMs party as the best he had ever attended. It was a lavish
affair, and Talleyrand wove a subtle message into it by placing Roman busts
around the house, and by talking to Napoleon of reviving the imperial glories
of ancient Rome. This sparked a glint in the leader's eye, and indeed, a few
years later, Napoleon gave himself the title of emperor-a move that only made
Talleyrand more powerful. The key to Talleyrand's power was his ability to
fathom Napoleon's secret ideal: his desire to be an emperor, a dictator.
Talleyrand simply held up a mirror to Napoleon and let him glimpse that
possibility. People are always vulnerable to insinuations like this, which
stroke their vanity, almost everyone's weak spot. Hint at something for them to
aspire to, reveal your faith in some untapped potential you see in them, and
you will soon have them eating out of your hand. If Ideal Lovers are masters at seducing people
by appealing to their higher selves, to something lost from their childhood,
politicians can benefit by applying this skill on a mass scale, to an entire
electorate. This was what John F. Kennedy quite deliberately did with the
American public, most obviously in creating the "Camelot" aura around
himself. The word "Camelot" was applied to his presidency only after
his death, but the romance he consciously projected through his youth and good
looks was fully functioning during his lifetime. More subtly, he also played
with America's images of its own greatness and lost ideals. Many Americans felt
that with the wealth and comfort of the late 1950s had come great losses; ease
and conformity had buried the country's pioneer spirit. Kennedy appealed to
those lost ideals through the imagery of the New Frontier, which was exemplified
by the space race. The American instinct for adventure could find outlets here,
even if most of them were symbolic. And there were other calls for public
service, such as the creation of the Peace Corps. Through appeals like these,
Kennedy resparked the uniting sense of mission that had gone missing in America
during the years since World War II. He also attracted to himself a more
emotional response than presidents commonly got. People literally fell in love
with him and the image. Politicians can gain seductive power by digging into a
country's past, bringing images and ideals that have been abandoned or
repressed back to the surface. They only need the symbol; they do not really
have toworry about re-creating the reality behind it. The good feelings they
stir up are enough to ensure a positive response. Symbol: The Portrait Painter.
Under his eye, all of yourphysicalimperfectionsdisappear.Hebrings out noble
qualities in you, frames you in a myth, makes you godlike, immortalizes you.
For his ability to create such fantasies, he is rewarded with great power.
Dangers T he main dangers in the role of the Ideal Lover are the consequences
that arise if you let reality creep in. You are creating a fantasy that
involves an idealization of your own character. And this is a precarious task,
for you are human, and imperfect. If your faults are ugly enough, or intrusive
enough, they will burst the bubble you have blown, and your target will revile
you. Whenever Tullia d'Aragona was caught acting like a common prostitute
(when, for instance, she was caught having an affair just for money), she would
have to leave town and establish herself elsewhere. The fantasy of her as a
spiritual figure was broken. Casanova too faced this danger, but was usually
able to surmount it by finding a clever way to break off the relationship
before the woman realized that he was not what she had imagined: he would find
some excuse to leave town, or, better still, he would choose a victim who was
herself leaving town soon, and whose awareness that the affair would be
short-lived would make her idealizing of him all the more intense. Reality and
long intimate exposure have a way of dulling a person's perfection. The
nineteenth-century poet Alfred de Musset was seduced by the writer George Sand,
whose larger-than-life character appealed to his romantic nature. But when the
couple visited Venice together, and Sand came down with dysentery, she was
suddenly no longer an idealized figure but a woman with an unappealing physical
problem. De Musset himself showed a whiny, babyish side on this trip, and the
lovers separated. Once apart, however, they were able to idealize each other
again, and reunited a few months later. When reality intrudes, distance is
often a solution. In politics the dangers are similar. Years after Kennedy's
death, a string of revelations (his incessant sexual affairs, his excessively
dangerous brinkmanship style of diplomacy, etc.) belied the myth he had
created. His image has survived this tarnishing; poll after poll shows that he
is still revered. Kennedy is a special case, perhaps, in that his assassination
made him a martyr, reinforcing the process of idealization that he had already
set in motion. But he is not the only example of an Ideal Lover whose
attraction survives unpleasant revelations; these figures unleash such powerful
fantasies, and there issuchahunger for the myths and ideals they have to sell,
that they are often quickly forgiven. Still, it is always wise to be prudent,
and to keep people from glimpsing the less-than-ideal side of your character.
the Dandy Most of us feel trapped within the limited roles that the world
expects us to play. We are instantly attracted to those who are more fluid,
more ambiguous, than we are-those who create their own persona. Dandies excite
us because they cannot be categorized, and hint at afreedom we wantfor
ourselves. They play with masculinity and femininity; they fashion their own
physical image, which is always startling; they are mysterious and elusive.
They also appeal to the narcissism of each sex: to a woman they are
psychologically female, to a man they are male. Dandies fascinate and seduce in
large numbers. Use the power of the Dandy to create an ambiguous, alluring
presence that stirs repressed desires. The Feminine Dandy W hen the
eighteen-year-old Rodolpho Guglielmi emigrated from Italy to the United States
in 1913, he came with no particular skills apart from his good looks and his
dancing prowess. To put these qualities to advantage, he found work in the thes
dansants, the Manhattan dance halls where young girls would go alone or with
friends and hire a taxi dancer for a brief thrill. The taxi dancer would
expertly twirl them around the dance floor, flirting and chatting, all for a
small fee. Guglielmi soon made a name as one of the best-so graceful, poised,
and pretty. In working as a taxi dancer, Guglielmi spent a great deal of time
around women. He quickly learned what pleased them-how to mirror them in subtle
ways, how to put them at ease (but not too much). He began to pay attention to
his clothes, creating his own dapper look: he danced with a corset under his
shirt to give himself a trim figure, sported a wristwatch (considered
effeminate in those days), and claimed to be a marquis. In 1915, he landed a
job demonstrating the tango in fancy restaurants, and changed his name to the
more evocative Rodolpho di Valentina. A year later he moved to Los Angeles: he
wanted to try to make it in Hollywood. Now known as Rudolph Valentino,
Guglielmi appeared as an extra in several low-budget pictures. He eventually
landed a somewhat larger role in the 1919 film Eyes of Youth, in which he
played a seducer, and caught women's attention by how different a seducer he
was: his movements were graceful and delicate, his skin so smooth and his face
so pretty that when he swooped down on his victim and drowned her protests with
a kiss, he seemed more thrilling than sinister. Next came The Four Horsemen of
the Apocalypse, in which Valentino played the male lead, Julio the playboy, and
became an overnight sex symbol through a tango sequence in which he seduced a
young woman by leading her through the dance. The scene encapsulated the
essence of his appeal: his feet smooth and fluid, his poise almost feminine,
combined with an air of control. Female members of the audience literally
swooned as he raised a married woman's hands to his lips, or shared the
fragrance of a rose with his lover. He seemed so much more attentive to women
than other men did; but mixed in with this delicacy was a hint of cruelty and
menace that drove women wild. In his most famous film. The Sheik, Valentino
played an Arab prince (later revealed to be a Scottish lord abandoned in the
Sahara as a baby) who rescues a proud English lady in the desert, then conquers
her in a manner Once a son was born to Mercury and the goddess Venus, and he
was brought up by the naiads in Ida's caves. In his features, it was easy to
trace resemblance to his father and to his mother. He was called after them,
too, for his name was Hermaphroditus. As soon as he was fifteen, he left his
native hills, and Ida where he had been brought up, andfor the sheer joy of
travelling visited remote places. . . .He went as far as the cities of Lycia,
and on to the Carians, who dwell nearby. In this region he spiedapool of water,
so clear that he could see right to the bottom. . . . The water was like
crystal, and the edges of the pool were ringed with fresh turf and grass that
was always green. A nymph [Salmacis] dwelt there. . . . Often she would gather
flowers, and it so happened that she was engaged in this pastime when she
caught sight of the boy, Hermaphroditus. As soon as she had seen him, she
longed to possess him. . . .She addressed him: "Fair boy, you surely
deserve to be thought a god. If you are, perhaps you may be Cupid? ... If there
is such a girl [engaged to you], let me enjoy your love in secret: but if there
is not, then 1 pray that I may be your bride, and that we may enter upon
marriage together." The naiad said no more; but a blush stained the boy's
cheeks, for he did not know what love was. Even blushing became him: his cheeks
were the colour of ripe apples, hanging in a sunny orchard, like painted ivory
or like the moon when, in eclipse, she shows a reddish hue beneath her
brightness. . . . Incessantly the nymph demanded at least sisterly kisses, and
tried to put her arms round his ivory neck. "Will you stop!" he
cried, "orI shall run away and leave this place and you!" Salmacis
was afraid: "I yield the spot to you, stranger, I shall not intrude,"
she said; and, turningfrom him, pretended to go away. . . . The boy, meanwhile,
thinking himself unobserved and alone, strolled this way and that on the grassy
sward, and dipped his toes in the lapping water-then his feet, up to the
ankles. Then, tempted by the enticing coolness of the waters, he quickly
stripped his young body of its soft garments. At the sight, Salmacis was
spell-bound. She was on fire with passion to possess his naked beauty, and her
very eyes flamed with abrilliance like that of the dazzling sun, when his
bright disc is reflected in a mirror. . . . She longed to embrace him then, and
with difficulty restrained her frenzy. Hermaphroditus, clapping his hollow
palms against that borders on rape. When she asks, "Why have you brought
me here?," he replies, "Are you not woman enough to know?" Yet
she ends up falling in love with him, as indeed women did in movie audiences
all over the world, thrilling at his strange blend of the feminine and the
masculine. In one scene in The Sheik, the English lady points a gun at
Valentino; his response is to point a delicate cigarette holder back at her.
She wears pants; he wears long flowing robes and abundant eye makeup. Later
films would include scenes of Valentino dressing and undressing, a kind of striptease
showing glimpses of his trim body. In almost all of his films he played some
exotic period character-a Spanish bullfighter, an Indian rajah, an Arab
sheik,
a French nobleman-and he seemed to delight in dressing up in jewels and tight
uniforms. In the 1920s, women were beginning to play with a new sexual freedom.
Instead of waiting for a man to be interested in them, they wanted to be able
to initiate the affair, but they still wanted the man to end up sweeping them
off their feet. Valentino understood this perfectly. His off-screen life
corresponded to his movie image: he wore bracelets on his arm, dressed
impeccably, and reportedly was cruel to his wife, and hit her. (His adoring
public carefully ignored his two failed marriages and his apparently
nonexistent sex life.) When he suddenly died-in New York in August 1926, at the
age of thirty-one, from complications after surgery for an ulcer-the response
was unprecedented: more than 100,000 people filed by his coffin, many female
mourners became hysterical, and the whole nation was spellbound. Nothing like
this had happened before for a mere actor. There is a film of Valentino's,
Monsieur Beciucciire, in which he plays a total fop, a much more effeminate
role than he normally played, and without his usual hint of dangerousness. The
film was a flop. Women did not respond to Valentino as a swish. They were
thrilled by the ambiguity of a man who shared many of their own feminine
traits, yet remained a man. Valentinodressed and played with his physicality
like a woman, but his image was masculine. He wooed as a woman would woo if she
were a man-slowly, attentively, paying attention to details, setting a rhythm
instead of hurrying to a conclusion. Yet when the time came for boldness and
conquest, his timing was impeccable, overwhelming his victim and giving her no
chance to protest. In his movies, Valentino practiced the same gigolo's art of
leading a woman on that he had mastered as a teenager on the dance floor-
chatting, flirting, pleasing, but always in control. Valentino remains an
enigma to this day. His private life and his character are wrapped in mystery;
his image continues to seduce as it did during his lifetime. He served as the
model for Elvis Presley, who was obsessedwith this star of the silents, and
also for the modern male dandy who plays with gender but retains an edge of
danger and cruelty. Seduction was and will always remain the female form of
power and warfare. It was originally the antidote to rape and violence. The man
who uses this form of power on a woman is in essence turning the game around.
employing feminine weapons against her; without losing his masculine identity,
the more subtly feminine he becomes the more effective the seduction. Do not be
one of those who believe that what is most seductive isbeingdevastatingly
masculine. The Feminine Dandy has a much more sinister effect. He lures the
woman in with exactly what she wants-a familiar, pleasing, graceful presence.
Mirroring feminine psychology, he displays attention to his appearance,
sensitivity to detail, a slight coquettishness-but also a hint of male cruelty.
Women are narcissists, in love with the charms of their own sex. By showing
them feminine charm, a man can mesmerize and disarm them, leaving them
vulnerable to a bold, masculine move. The Feminine Dandy can seduce on a mass
scale. No single woman really possesses him-he is too elusive-but all can
fantasize about doing so. The key is ambiguity: your sexuality is decidedly
heterosexual, but your body and psychology float delightfully back and forth
between the two poles. I am a woman. Every artist is a woman and should have a
taste for other women. Artists who are homosexual cannot be true artists
because they like men, and since they themselves are women they are reverting
to normality. -PABLO PICASSO The Masculine Dandy I n the 1870s, Pastor Henrik
Gillot was the darling of the St. Petersburg intelligentsia. He was young,
handsome, well-read in philosophy and literature, and he preached a kind of
enlightened Christianity. Dozens of young girls had crushes on him and would
flock to his sermons just to look at him. In 1878, however, he met a girl who
changed his life. Her name was Lou von Salome (later known as Lou
Andreas-Salome), and she was seventeen; he was forty-two. Salome was pretty,
with radiant blue eyes. She had read a lot, particularly for a girl her age,
and was interested in the gravest philosophical and religious issues. Her
intensity, her intelligence, her responsiveness to ideas cast a spell over
Gillot. When she entered his office for her increasingly frequent discussions
with him, the place seemed brighter and more alive. Perhaps she was flirting
with him, in the unconscious manner of a young girl-yet when Gillot admitted to
himself that he was in love with her, and proposed marriage, Salome was
horrified. The confused pastor never quite got over Lou von Salome, becoming
the first of a long string of famous men to be the victim of a lifelong
unfulfilled infatuation with her. In 1882, the German philosopher Friedrich
Nietzsche was wandering around Italy alone. In Genoa he received a letter from
his friend Paul Ree, a Prussian philosopher whom he admired, recounting his
discussions with a remarkable young Russian woman, Lou von Salome, in Rome.
Salome was his body, dived quickly into the stream. As he raised first one arm
and then the other, his body gleamed in the clear water, as if someone had
encased anivory statue or white lilies in transparent glass. "I have won!
He is mine!" cried the nymph, and flinging aside her garments, plunged
into the heart of the pool. The boy fought against her, but she held him, and
snatched kisses as he struggled, placing her hands beneath him, stroking his
unwilling breast, and clinging to him, now on this side, and now on that. Finally, in spite of ail his efforts to slip
from her grasp, she twined around him, like a serpent when it is being carried
off into the air by the king of birds: for, as it hangs from the eagle's beak,
the snake coils round his head and talons and with its tail hampers his beating
wings. . . . "You may fight, you rogue, but you will not escape. May the
gods grant me this, may no time to come ever separate him from me, or me from
him!" Her prayers found favour with the gods: for, as they lay together,
their bodies were united and from being two persons they became one. As when a
gardener grafts a branch on to a tree, and sees the two unite as they grow, and
come to maturity together, so when their limbs met in that clinging embrace the
nymph and the boy were no longer two, but a single form, possessed of a dual
nature, which could not be called male or female, but seemed to be atonce both
and neither. - OVID,METAMORPHOSES, TRANSLATED BY MARY M. INNES Dandyism is not
even, as many unthinking people seem to suppose, an immoderate interest in
personal appearance and material elegance. For the true dandy these things are
only a symbol oj the aristocratic superiority of his personality. ..."
What, then, is this ruling passion that has turned into a creed and created its
own skilled tyrants? What is this unwritten constitution that has created so
haughty a caste? It is, above all, a burning need to acquire originality,
within the apparent bounds of convention. It is a sort of cult of oneself,
which can dispense even with what are commonly called illusions. It is the
delight in causing astonishment, and the proud satisfaction of never oneself
being astonished. . . . -CHARLES BAUDELAIRE, THE DANDY , QUOTED IN VICE: AN
ANTHOLOGY. EDITED BY RICHARD DAVENPORT-HINES In the midst of this display of
statesmanship, eloquence, cleverness, and exalted ambition, Alcibiades lived a
life of prodigious luxury, drunkenness, debauchery, and insolence. He was
effeminate in his dress and would walk through the market-place trailing his long
purple robes, and he spent extravagantly. He had the decks of his triremes cut
away to allow him to sleep more comfortably, and his bedding was slung on
cords, rather than spread on the hard planks. He had a golden shield made for
him, which was emblazoned not with any there on holiday with her mother; Ree
had managed to accompany her on long walks through the city, unchaperoned, and
they had had many conversations. Her ideas on God and Christianity were quite
similar to Nietzsche's, and when Ree had told her that the famous philosopher
was a friend of his, she had insisted that he invite Nietzsche to join them. In
subsequent letters Ree described how mysteriously captivating Salome was, and
how anxious she was to meet Nietzsche. The philosopher soon went to Rome. When
Nietzsche finally met Salome, he was overwhelmed. She had the most beautiful
eyes he had ever seen, and during their first long talk those eyes lit up so
intensely that he could not help feeling there was something erotic about her
excitement. Yet he was also confused: Salome kept her distance, and did not
respond to his compliments. What a devilish young woman. A few days later she
read him a poem of hers, and he cried; her ideas about life were so like his
own. Deciding to seize the moment, Nietzsche proposed marriage. (He did not
know that Ree had done so as well.) Salome declined. She was interested in
philosophy, life, adventure, not marriage. Undaunted, Nietzsche continued to
court her. On an excursion to Lake Orta with Ree, Salome, and her mother, he
managed to get the girl alone, accompanying her on a walk up Monte Sacro while
the others stayed behind. Apparently the views and Nietzsche's words had the
proper passionate effect; in a later letter to her, he described this walk as "the
most beautiful dream of my life." Now he was a man possessed: all he could
think about was marrying Salome and having her all to himself. A few months
later Salome visited Nietzsche in Germany. They took long walks together, and
stayed up all night discussing philosophy. She mirrored his deepest thoughts,
anticipated his ideas about religion. Yet when he again proposed marriage, she
scolded him as conventional: it was Nietzsche, after all, who had developed a
philosophical defense of the superman, the man above everyday morality, yet
Salome was by nature far less conventional than he was. Her firm,
uncompromising manner only deepened the spell she cast over him, as did her
hint of cruelty When she finally left him, making it clear that she had no
intention of marrying him, Nietzsche was devastated. As an antidote to his
pain, he wrote Thus Spake Zarathustra, a book full of sublimated eroticism and
deeply inspired by his talks with her. From then on Salome was known throughout
Europe as the woman who had broken Nietzsche's heart. Salome moved to Berlin.
Soon the city's greatest intellectuals were falling under the spell of her
independence and free spirit. The playwrights Gerhart Hauptmann and Franz
Wedekind became infatuated with her; in 1897, the great Austrian poet Rainer
Maria Rilke fell in love with her. By that time her reputation was widely
known, and she was a published novelist. This certainly played a part in
seducing Rilke, but he was also attracted by a kind of masculine energy he
found in her that he had never seen in a woman. Rilke was then twenty-two,
Salome thirty-six. He wrote her love letters and poems, followed her
everywhere, and began an affair with her that was to last several years. She
corrected his poetry, imposed discipline on Ms overly romantic verse, inspired
ideas for new poems. But she was put off by Ms childish dependence on her, Ms
weakness. Unable to stand weakness of any kind, she eventually left him.
Consumed by her memory, Rilke long continued to pursue her. In 1926, lying on
Ms deathbed, he begged Ms doctors, "Ask Lou what is wrong with me. She is
the only one who knows." One man wrote of Salome, "There was
something terrifying about her embrace. Looking at you with her radiant blue
eyes, she would say, 'The reception of the semen is for me the height of
ecstasy.' And she had an insatiable appetite for it. She was completely amoral
... a vampire."The
Swedish
psychotherapist Poul Bjerre, one of her later conquests, wrote, "I think
Nietzsche was right when he said that Lou was a thoroughly evil woman. Evil
however in the Goethean sense: evil that produces good. . . . She may have
destroyed lives and marriages but her presence was exciting." The two
emotions that almost every male felt in the presence of Lou Andreas-Salome were
confusion and excitement-the two prerequisite feelings for any successful
seduction. People were intoxicated by her strange mix of the masculine and the
feminine; she was beautiful, with a radiant smile and a graceful, flirtatious
manner, but her independence and her intensely analytical nature made her seem
oddly male. This ambiguity was expressed in her eyes, which were both
coquettish and probing. It was confusion that kept men interested and curious:
no other woman was like this. They wanted to know more. The excitement stemmed
from her ability to stir up repressed desires. She was a complete
nonconformist, and to be involved with her was to break all kinds of taboos.
Her masculinity made the relationship seem vaguely homosexual; her slightly
cruel, slightly domineering streak could stir up masochistic yearnings, as it
did in Nietzsche. Salome radiated a forbidden sexuality. Her powerful effect on
men-the lifelong infatuations, the suicides(there were several), the periods of
intense creativity, the descriptions of her as a vampire or a devil-attest to
the obscure depths of the psyche that she was able to reach and disturb. The
Masculine Dandy succeeds by reversing the normal pattern of male superiority in
matters of love and seduction. A man's apparent independence, Ms capacity for
detachment, often seems to give him the upper hand in the dynamic between men
and women. A purely feminine woman will arouse desire, but is always vulnerable
to the man's capricious loss of interest; a purely masculine woman, on the other
hand, will not arouse that interest at all. Follow the path of the Masculine
Dandy, however, and you neutralize all a man's powers. Never give completely of
yourself; while you are passionate and sexual, always retain an air of
independence and self-possession. You might move on to the next man, or so he
will think. You have other, more important matters to concern yourself with,
such as your work. Men do not know how to fight women who use their own weapons
against them; they are intrigued, aroused, and disarmed. Few men can resist the
taboo pleasures offered up to them by the Masculine Dandy. ancestral device,
but with the figure of Eros armed with a thunderbolt. The leading men of Athens
watched all this with disgust andindignation and they were deeply disturbed by
his contemptuous and lawless behaviour, which seemed to them monstrous and
suggested the habits of a tyrant. The people's feelings towards him have been
very aptly expressed by Aristophanes in the line: "They long for him, they
hate him, they cannot do without him. . . • The fact was that his voluntary
donations, the public shows he supported, his unrivalled to the state, the fame
of his ancestry, the power of his oratory and his physical strength and beauty
... all combined to make the Athenians forgive him everything else, and they
were constantly finding euphemismsfor his lapses and putting them down to
youthful high spirits and honourable ambition. -PLUTARCH, "THE LIFE OF
ALCIBIADES," THE RISE AND FALL OF ATHENS: NINE GREEK LIVES, TRANSLATED BY
IAN SCOTT-KILVERT Further light-a whole flood of it-is thrown upon this
attraction of the male in petticoats for the female, in the diary of the Abbe
de Choisy, one of the most brilliant men- women of history, of whom we shall
hear a great deal more later. The abbe, a churchman of Paris, was a constant
masquerader in female attire. He lived in the days of Louis XIV, and was a
great friend of Louis' brother, also addicted to women's clothes. A young girl,
Mademoiselle Charlotte, thrown much
into
his company, fell desperately in love with the abbe, and when the affair had
progressed to a liaison, the abbe asked her how she came to be won . . . •
"/ stood in no need of caution as I should have with a man. I saw nothing
but a beautiful woman, and why should I beforbidden to love you? What
advantages a woman's dress gives you! The heart of a man is there, and that
makes a great impression upon us, and on the other hand, all the charms of the
fair sex fascinate us, and prevent us from taking precautions. " -C.J.BULLIET,
VENUS CASTINA Beau Brummell was regarded as unbalanced in his passion for daily
ablutions. His ritualistic morning toilet took upward of five hours, one hour
spent inching himself into his skin-tight buckskin breeches, an hour with the
hairdresser and another two hours tying and "creasing down" a series
of starched cravats until perfection was achieved. But first of all two hours
were spent scrubbing himself with fetish zeal from head to toe in milk, water
and eau de Cologne. . . . Beau Brummell said he used only the froth of
champagne to polish his Hessian boots. He had 365 snuff boxes, those suitable
for summer wear being quite unthinkable in winter, and the fit of hisgloves was
achieved by entrusting their cut to two firms-one for the fingers, the other
for the thumbs. The seduction emanating from a person of uncertain or
dissimulated sex is powerful. -COLETTE Keys to the Character M any of us today
imagine that sexual freedom has progressed in recent years-that everything has
changed, for better or worse. This is mostly an illusion; a reading of history
reveals periods of licentiousness (imperial Rome, late-seventeenth-century
England, the "floating world" of eighteenth-century Japan) far in
excess of what we are currently experiencing. Gender roles are certainly
changing, but they have changed before. Society is in a state of constant flux,
but there is something that does not change: the vast majority of people
conform to whatever is normal for the time. They play the role allotted to them.
Conformity is a constant because humans are social creatures who are always
imitating one another. At certain points in history it may be fashionable to be
different and rebellious, but if a lot of people are playing that role, there
is nothing different or rebellious about it. We should never complain about
most people's slavish conformity, however, for it offers untold possibilities
of power and seduction to those who are up for a few risks. Dandies have
existed in all ages and cultures ( Al- cibiades in ancient Greece, Korechika in
late-tenth-century Japan), and wherever they have gone they have thrived on the
conformist role playing ofothers.The Dandy displays a true and radical
difference from other people, a difference of appearance and manner. Since most
of us are secretly oppressed by our lack of freedom, we are drawn to those who
are more fluid and flaunt their difference. Dandies seduce socially as well as
sexually; groups form around them, their style is wildly imitated, an entire
court or crowd will fall in love with them. In adapting the Dandy character for
your own purposes, remember that the Dandy is by nature a rare and beautiful
flower. Be different in ways that are both striking and aesthetic, never
vulgar; poke fun at current trends and styles, go in a novel direction, and be
supremely uninterested in what anyone else is doing. Most people are insecure;
they will wonder what you are up to, and slowly they will come to admire and
imitate you, because you express yourself with total confidence. The Dandy has
traditionally been defined by clothing, and certainly most Dandies create a
unique visual style. Beau Brummel, the most famous Dandy of all, would spend
hours on his toilette, particularly the inimitably styled knot in his necktie,
for which he was famous throughout early- nineteenth-century England. But a
Dandy's style cannot be obvious, for Dandies are subtle, and never try hard for
attention-attention comes to them. The person whoseclothes are flagrantly
different has little imagination or taste. Dandies show their difference in the
little touches that mark their disdain for convention: Theophile Gautier's red
vest, Oscar Wilde's green velvet suit, Andy Warhol's silver wigs. The great
English Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli had two magnificent canes, one for
morning, one for evening; at noon he would change canes, no matter where he
was. The female Dandy works similarly. She may adopt male clothing, say, but if
she does, a touch here or there will set her tmly apart: no man ever dressed quite
like George Sand. The overtall hat, the riding boots worn on the streets of
Paris, made her a sight to behold. Remember, there must be a reference point.
If your visual style is totally unfamiliar, people will think you at best an
obvious attention-getter, at worst crazy. Instead, create your own fashion
sense by adapting and altering prevailing styles to make yourself an object of
fascination. Do this right and you will be wildly imitated. The Count d'Orsay,
a great London dandy of the 1830s and 1840s, was closely watched by fashionable
people; one day, caught in a sudden London rainstorm, he bought a paltrok, a
kind of heavy, hooded duffle coat, off the back of a Dutch sailor. The paltrok
immediately became the coat to wear. Having people imitate you, of course, is a
sign of yourpowers of seduction. The nonconformity of Dandies, however, goes
far beyond appearances. It is an attitude toward life that sets them apart;
adopt that attitude and a circle of followers will form around you. Dandies are
supremely impudent. They don't give a damn about other people, and never try to
please. In the court of Louis XTV, the writer La Bruyere noticed that courtiers
who tried hard to please were invariably on the way down; nothing was more
anti-seductive. As Barbey d'Aurevilly wrote, "Dandies please women by
displeasing them." Impudence was fundamental to the appeal of Oscar Wilde.
In a London theater one night, after the first performance of one of Wilde's
plays, the ecstatic audience yelled for the author to appear onstage. Wilde
made them wait and wait, then finally emerged, smoking a cigarette and wearing
an expression of total disdain. "It may be bad manners to appear here
smoking, but it is far worse to disturb me when I am smoking," he scolded
his fans. The Count d'Orsay was equally impudent. At a London club one night, a
Rothschild who was notoriously cheap accidentally dropped a gold coin on the
floor, then bent down to look for it. The count immediately whipped out a
thousand-franc note (worth much more than the coin), rolled it up, lit it like
a candle, and got down on all fours, as if to help light the way in the search.
Only a Dandy could get away with such audacity. The insolence of the Rake is
tied up with his desire to conquer a woman; he cares for nothing else. The
insolence of the Dandy, on the other hand, is aimed at society and its
conventions. It is not a woman he cares to conquer but a whole group, an entire
social world. And since people are generally oppressed by the obligation of
always being polite and self-sacrificing, they are delighted to spend time
around a person who disdains such niceties. Dandies are masters of the art of
living. They live for pleasure, not for work; they surround themselves with
beautiful objects and eat and drink Sometimes, however, the tyranny of elegance
became altogether insupportable. A Mr. Boothby committed suicide and left a
note saying he could no longer endure the ennui of buttoning and unbuttoning. -
THE GAME OF HEARTS: HARRIETTE WILSON'S MEMOIRS. EDITED BY LESLEY BLANCH This
royal manner which [the dandy] raises to the height of true royalty, the dandy
has taken this from women, who alone seem naturally made for such a role. It is
a somewhat by using the manner and the method of women that the dandy
dominates. And this usurpation of femininity, he makes women themselves approve
of this. . . . The dandy has something antinatural
and
androgynous about him, which is precisely how he is able to endlessly seduce.
-JULES LEMAlTRE, LES CONTEMPORAINS with the same relish they show for their
clothes. This was how the great Roman writer Petronius, author of the
Satyricon, was able to seduce the emperor Nero. Unlike the dull Seneca, the
great Stoic thinker and Nero's tutor, Petronius knew how to make every detail
of life a grand aesthetic adventure, from a feast to a simple conversation.
This is not an attitude you should impose on those around you-you can't make
yourself a nuisance- but if you simply seem socially confident and sure of your
taste, people will be drawn to you. The key is to make everything an aesthetic
choice. Your ability to alleviate boredom by making life an art will make your
company highly prized. The opposite sex is a strange country we can never know,
and this excites us, creates the proper sexual tension. But it is also a source
of annoyance and frustration. Men do not understand how women think, and vice
versa; each tries to make the other act more like a member of their own sex.
Dandies may never try to please, but in this one area they have a pleasing effect:
by adopting psychological traits of the opposite sex, they appeal to our
inherent narcissism. Women identified with Rudolph Valentino's delicacy and
attention todetailin courtship; men identified with Lou Andreas-Salome's lack
of interest in commitment. In the Heian court of eleventh-century Japan, Sei
Shonagon, the writer of The Pillow Book, was powerfully seductive for men,
especially literary types. She was fiercely independent, wrote poetry with the
best, and had a certain emotional distance. Men wanted more from her than just
to be her friend or companion, as if she were another man; charmed by her
empathy for male psychology, they fell in love with her. This kind of mental
transvestism-the ability to enter the spirit of the opposite sex, adapt to
their way of thinking, mirror their tastes and attitudes-can be a key element
in seduction. It is a way of mesmerizing your victim. According to Freud, the
human libido is essentially bisexual; most people are in some way attracted to
people of their own sex, but social constraints (varying with culture and
historical period) repress these impulses. The Dandy represents a release from
such constraints. In several of Shakespeare's plays, a young girl (back then,
the female roles in the theater were actually played by male actors) has to go
into disguise and dresses up as a boy, eliciting all kinds of sexual interest
from men, who later are delighted to find out that the boy is actually a girl.
(Think, for example, of Rosalind in As You Like It.)Entertainers such as
Josephine Baker (known as the Chocolate Dandy) and Marlene Dietrich would dress
up as men in their acts, making themselves wildly popular-among men. Meanwhile
the slightly feminized male, the pretty boy, has always been seductive to
women. Valentino embodied this quality. Elvis Presley had feminine features
(the face, the hips), wore frilly pink shirts and eye makeup, and attracted the
attention of women early on. The filmmaker Kenneth Anger said of Mick Jagger
that it was "a bisexual charm which constituted an important part of the
attraction he had over young girls . . . and which acted upon their
unconscious." In Western culture for centuries, in fact, feminine beauty
has been far more fetishized than male beauty, so it is understandable that a feminine-looking
face like that of Montgomery Clift would have more seductive power than that of
John Wayne. The Dandy figure has a place in politics as well. John F. Kennedy
was a strange mix of the masculine and feminine, virile in his toughness with
the Russians, and in his White House lawn football games, yet feminine in his
graceful and dapper appearance. This ambiguity was a large part of his appeal.
Disraeli was an incorrigible Dandy in dress and manner; some were suspicious of
him as a result, but his courage in not caring what people thought of him also
won him respect. And women of course adored him, for women always adore a
Dandy. They appreciated the gentleness of his manner, his aesthetic sense, his
love of clothes-in other words, his feminine qualities. The mainstay of
Disraeli's power was in fact a female fan: Queen Victoria. Do not be misled by
the surface disapproval your Dandy pose may elicit. Society may publicize its
distrust of androgyny (in Christian theology, Satan is often represented as
androgynous), but this conceals its fascination; what is most seductive is
often what is most repressed. Leam aplayful dandyism and you will become the
magnet for people's dark, unrealized yearnings. The key to such power is
ambiguity. In a society where the roles everyone plays are obvious, the refusal
to conform to any standard will excite interest. Be both masculine and
feminine, impudent and charming, subtle and outrageous. Let other people worry
about being socially acceptable; those types are a dime a dozen, and you are
after a power greater than they can imagine. Symbol: The Orchid. Its shape and
color oddly suggest both sexes, its odor is sweet and decadent -it is a
tropical flower of evil. Delicate and highly cultivated, it is prizedfor its
rarity; it is unlike any other flower. Dangers T he Dandy's strength, but also
the Dandy's problem, is that he or she often works through transgressive
feelings relating to sex roles. Although this activity is highly charged and
seductive, it is also dangerous, since it touches on a source of great anxiety
and insecurity. The greater dangers will often come from your own sex.
Valentino had immense appeal for women, but men hated him. He was constantly
dogged with accusations of being perversely unmasculine, and this caused him
great pain. Salome was equally disliked by women; Nietzsche's sister, and
perhaps his closest friend, considered her an evil witch, and led a virulent
campaign against her in the press long after the philosopher's death. There is
little to be done in the face of resentment like this. Some Dandies try to
fight the image they themselves have created, but this is unwise: to prove his
masculinity, Valentino would engage in a boxing match, anything to prove his
masculinity. He wound up looking only desperate. Better to accept society's
occasional gibes with grace and insolence. After all, the Dandies' charm is
that they don't really care what people think of them. That is how Andy Warhol
played the game: when people tired of his antics or some scandal erupted,
instead of trying to defend himself he would simply move on to some new
image-decadent bohemian, high-society portraitist, etc.-as if to say, with a
hint of disdain, that the problem lay not with him but with other people's
attention span. Another danger for the Dandy is the fact that insolence has its
limits. Beau Brummel prided himself on two things: his trimness of figure and
his acerbic wit. His main social patron was the Prince of Wales, who, in later
years, grew plump. One night at dinner, the prince rang for the butler, and
Brummel snidely remarked, "Do ring. Big Ben." The prince did not
appreciate the joke, had Brummel shown out, and never spoke to him again.
Without royal patronage, Brummel fell into poverty and madness. Even a Dandy, then,
must measure out his impudence. A true Dandy knows the difference between a
theatrically staged teasing of the powerful and a remark that will truly hurt,
offend, or insult. It is particularly important to avoid insulting those in a
position to injure you. In fact the pose may work best for those who can afford
to offend-artists, bohemians, etc. In the work world, you will probably have to
modify and tone down your Dandy image. Be pleasantly different, an amusement,
rather than a person who challenges the group's conventions and makes others
feel insecure. the Natural. Childhood is the golden paradise we are always
consciously or unconsciously trying to re-create. The Natural embodies the
longed- for qualities of childhood - spontaneity, sincerity, unpretentiousness.
In the presence of Naturals, we feel at ease, caught up in their playful
spirit, transported back to that golden age. Naturals also make a virtue out of
weakness, eliciting our sympathy for their trials, making us want to protect
them and help them. As with a child, much of this is natural, but some of it is
exaggerated, a conscious seductive maneuver. Adopt the pose of the Natural to
neutralize people's natural defensiveness and infect them with helpless
delight. Psychological Traits of the Natural. C hildren are not as guileless as
we like to imagine. They suffer from feelings of helplessness, and sense early
on the power of their naturalcharm to remedy their weakness in the adult world.
They learn to play a game: if their natural innocence can persuade a parent to
yield to their desires in one instance, then it is something they can use
strategically in another instance, laying it on thick at the right moment to
get their way. If their vulnerability and weakness is so attractive, then it is
something they can use for effect. Why are we seduced by children's
naturalness? First, because anything natural has an uncanny effect on us. Since
the beginning of time, natural phenomena-such as lightning storms or
eclipses-have instilled in human beings an awe tinged with fear. The more
civilized we become, the greater the effect such natural events have on us; the
modern world surrounds us with so much that is manufactured and artificial that
something sudden and inexplicable fascinates us. Children also have this
natural power, but because they are unthreatening and human, they are not so
much awe inspiring as charming. Most people try to please, but the pleasantness
of the child comes effortlessly, defying logical explanation-and what is
irrational is often dangerously seductive. More important, a child represents a
world from which we have been forever exiled. Because adult life is full of
boredom and compromise, we harbor an illusion of childhood as a kind of golden
age, even though it can often be a period of great confusion and pain. It
cannot be denied, however, that childhood had certain privileges, and as
children we had a pleasurable attitude to life. Confronted with a particularly
charming child, we often feel wistful: we remember our own golden past, the
qualities we have lost and wish we had again. And in the presence of the child,
we get a little of that goldenness back. Natural seducers are people who
somehow avoided getting certain childish traits drummed out of them by adult
experience. Such people can be as powerfully seductive as any child, because it
seems uncanny and marvelous that they have preserved such qualities. They are
not literally like children, of course;that would make them obnoxious or
pitiful. Rather it is the spirit that they have retained. Do not imagine that
this childishness is something beyond their control. Natural seducers learn
early on the value of retaining a particular quality, and the seductive power
it contains; they Long-past ages have a great and often puzzling attraction for
men's imagination. Whenever they are dissatisfied with their present
surroundings-and this happens often enough-they turn back to the past and hope
that they will now be able to prove the truth of the inextinguishable dream of
a golden age. They are probably still under the spell of their childhood, which
is presented to them by their not impartial memory as a time of uninterrupted
bliss. -SIGMUND FREUD, THE STASDARD EDITION OF THE COMPLETE PSYCHOLOGICAL WORKS
OF SIGMUND FREUD , VOLUME 23 When Hermes was born on Mount Cyllene his mother
Maia laid him in swaddling bands on a winnowing fan, but he grew with
astonishing quickness into a little boy, and as soon as her back was turned,
slipped off and went looking for adventure. Arrived at Pieria, where Apollo was
tending a fine herd of cows, he decided to steal them. But, fearing to betrayed
by their tracks, he quickly made a number oj shoes from the bark of a fallen
oak and tied themuntilplaitedgrassto the feet of the cows, which he then drove off
by night the road. Apollo discovered the loss, but Hermes's trick deceived him,
and though he went as far as Pylus in his westward search, and to Onchestus in
his eastern, he was forced, in the end, to offer a reward for the apprehension
of the thief. Silenus and his satyrs, greedy of reward, spread out in different
directions to track him down but, for a long while, without success. At last,
as a party of them passed through Arcadia, they heard the muffled sound of
music such as they had never heard before, and the nymph a cave, told them that
a most gifted child had recently been born there, to whom she was acting as
nurse: he had constructed an ingenious musical toy from the shell of a tortoise
and some cow-gut, with which he had lulled his mother to sleep. • "And
from whom did he get the cow-gut?" asked the alert satyrs, noticing two
hides stretched outside the cave. "Do you charge the poor child with
theft?" asked Cyllene. Harsh words were exchanged. • At that moment Apollo
came up, having discovered the thief s identity by observing the suspicious
behaviour of a long-winged bird. Entering the cave, he awakened Maia and told
her severely that Hermes must restore the stolen cows. Maia pointed to the
child, still wrapped in his adapt and build upon those childlike traits that
they managed to preserve, exactly as the child learns to play with its natural
charm. This is the key. It is within your power to do the same, since there is
lurking within all of us a devilish child straining to be let loose. To do this
successfully, you have to be able to let go to a degree, since there is nothing
less natural than seeming hesitant. Remember the spirit you once had; let it
return, without self- consciousness. People are much more forgiving of those
who go all the way, who seem uncontrollably foolish, than the halfhearted adult
with a childish streak. Remember who you were before you became so polite and
self-effacing. To assume the role of the Natural, mentally position yourself in
any relationship as the child, the younger one. The following are the main
types of the adult Natural. Keep in mind that the greatest natural seducers are
often a blend of more than one of these qualities. The innocent. The primary
qualities of innocence are weakness and misunderstanding of the world.
Innocence is weak because it is doomed to vanish in a harsh, cruel world; the
child cannot protect or hold on to its innocence. The misunderstandings come
from the child's not knowing about good and evil, and seeing everything through
uncorrupted eyes. The weakness of children elicits sympathy, their
misunderstandings make us laugh, and nothing is more seductive than a mixture
of laughter and sympathy. The adult Natural is not truly innocent-it is
impossible to grow up in this world and retain total innocence. Yet Naturals
yearn so deeply to hold on to their innocent outlook that they manage to
preserve the illusion of innocence. They exaggerate their weakness to elicit
the proper sympathy. They act like they still see the world through innocent eyes,
which in an adult proves doubly humorous. Much of this is conscious, but to be
effective, adult Naturals must make it seem subtle and effortless-if they are
seen as trying to act innocent, it will come across as pathetic. It is better
for them to communicate weakness indirectly, through looks and glances, or
through the situations they get themselves into, rather than anything obvious.
Since this type of innocence is mostly an act, it is easily adaptable foryour
own purposes. Leam to play up any natural weaknesses or flaws. The imp. Impish
children have a fearlessness that we adults have lost. That is because they do
not see the possible consequences of their actions-howsome people might be
offended, how they might physically hurt themselvesin the process. Imps are
brazen, blissfully uncaring. They infect you with their lighthearted spirit.
Such children have not yet had their natural energy and spirit scolded out of
them by the need to be polite and civil. Secretly, we envy them; we want to be
naughty too. Adult imps are seductive because of how different they are from
the rest of us. Breaths of fresh air in a cautious world, they go full
throttle, as if their impishness were uncontrollable, and thus natural. If you
play the part, do not worry about offending people now and then-you are too
lovable and inevitably they will forgive you. Just don't apologize or look
contrite, for that would break the spell. Whatever you say or do, keep a glint
in your eye to show that you do not take anything seriously. The wonder. A
wonder child has a special, inexplicable talent: a gift for music, for
mathematics, for chess, for sport. At work in the field in which they have such
prodigal skill, these children seem possessed, and their actions effortless. If
they are artists or musicians, Mozart types, their work seems to spring from
some inborn impulse, requiring remarkably little thought. If it is a physical
talent that they have, they are blessed with unusual energy, dexterity, and
spontaneity. In both cases they seem talented beyond their years. This
fascinates us. Adult wonders are often former wonder children who have managed,
remarkably, to retain their youthful impulsiveness and improvisational skills.
True spontaneity is a delightful rarity, for everything in life conspires to
rob us of it-we have to leam to act carefully and deliberately, to think about
how we look in other people's eyes. To play the wonder you need some skill that
seems easy and natural, along with the ability to improvise. If in fact your
skill takes practice, you must hide this and leam to make your work appear
effortless. The more you hide the sweat behind what you do, the more natural
and seductive it will appear. The undefensive lover. As people get older, they
protect themselves against painful experiences by closing themselves off. The
price for this is that theygrow rigid, physically and mentally. But children
are by nature unprotected and open to experience, and this receptiveness is
extremely attractive. In the presence of children we become less rigid,
infected with their openness. That is why we want to be around them.
Undefensive lovers have somehow circumvented the self-protective process,
retaining the playful, receptive spirit of the child. They often manifest this
spirit physically: they are graceful, and seem to age less rapidly than other
people. Of all the Natural's character qualities, this one is the most useful.
Defensiveness is deadly in seduction; act defensive and you'll bring out
defensiveness in other people. The undefensive lover, on the other hand, lowers
the inhibitions of his or her target, a critical part of seduction. It is
important to leam to not react defensively: bend instead of resist, be open to
influence from others, and they will more easily fall under your spell.
swaddling bands and feigning sleep. "What an absurd charge!" she
cried. But Apollo had already recognized the hides. He picked up Hermes,
carried him to Olympus, and there formally accused him oftheft, offering the
hides as evidence. Zeus, loth to believe that his own newborn son was a thief
encouraged him to plead not guilty, but Apollo would not be put off and Hermes,
at last, weakened and confessed. • "Very , come with me," he said,
"and you may have your herd. I slaughtered only two, and those I cut up
into twelve equal portions as a sacrifice to the twelve gods" •
"Twelve gods?" asked Apollo. "Who is the twelfth?" •
"Your servant, sir" replied Hermes modestly. "I ate no more than
my share, though I was very hungry, and duly burned the rest. " The two
gods [ Hermes and Apollo] returned to Mount Cyllene, where Hermes greeted his
mother and retrieved something that he had hidden underneath a sheepskin. •
"What have you there?" asked Apollo. • In answer, Hermes showed his
newly- invented tortoise-shell lyre, and played such a ravishing tune on it
with the plectrum he had also invented, at the same time singing in praise of
Apollo's nobility, intelligence, and generosity, that he was forgiven at once.
He led the surprised and delighted Apollo to Pylus, playing all the way, and
there gave him the remainder of the cattle, which he had hidden in a cave. •
"A bargain!" cried Apollo. "You keep the cows, and I take the
lyre. " "Agreed," said Hermes, and they shook hands on it. • . .
. Apollo, taking the child back to Olympus, told Zeus all that had happened.
Zeus warned Hermes that henceforth he must respect the rights oj property and
refrain from telling downright lies; but he could not help being amused.
"You seem to be a very ingenious, eloquent, and persuasive godling,"
he said. • "Then make me your herald, Father," Hermes answered,
"and I will he responsible for the safety of all divine property, and
never tell lies, though I cannot promise always to tell the whole truth ."
• "That would not be expected of you," said Zeus with a smile. . . .
Zeus gave him a herald's staff with white ribbons, which everyone was ordered
to respect; a round hat against the rain, and winged golden sandals which
carried him about with the swiftness of the wind. -ROBERT GRAVES, THE GREEK
MYTHS. VOLUME I A man may meet a woman and be shocked by her ugliness. Soon, if
she is natural and unaffected, her expression makes him overlook the fault of
her features. He begins to find her charming, it enters his head that she might
be loved, and a week later he is living in hope. The following week he has been
snubbed into despair, and the week afterwards he has gone mad. -STENDHAL, LOVE.
TRANSLATED BY GILBERT AND SUZANNE SALE Examples of Natural Seducers 7. As a
child growing up in England, Charlie Chaplin spent years in dire poverty,
particularly after his mother was committed to an asylum. In his early teens,
forced to work to live, he landed ajob in vaudeville, eventually gaining some
success as a comedian. But Chaplin was wildly ambitious, and so, in 1910, when
he was only nineteen, he emigrated to the United States, hoping to break into
the film business. Making his way to Hollywood, he found occasional bit parts,
but success seemed elusive: the competition was fierce, and although Chaplin had
a repertoire of gags that he had learned in vaudeville, he did not particularly
excel at physical humor, a critical part of silent comedy. He was not a gymnast
like Buster Keaton. In 1914, Chaplin managed to get the lead in a film short
called Making a Living. His role was that of a con artist. In playing around
with the costume for the part, he put on a pair of pants several sizes too
large, then added a derby hat, enormous boots that he wore on the wrong feet, a
walking cane, and a pasted-on mustache. With the clothes, a whole new character
seemed to come to life-first the silly walk, then the twirling of the cane,
then all sorts of gags. Mack Sennett, the head of the studio, did not find
Making a Living very funny, and doubted whether Chaplin had a future in the
movies, but a few critics felt otherwise. A review in a trade magazine read,
"The clever player who takes the role of a nervy and very nifty sharper in
this picture is a comedian of the first water, who acts like one of Nature's
own naturals." And audiences also responded-the film made money. What
seemed to touch a nerve in Making a Living, setting Chaplin apart from the
horde of other comedians working in silent film, was the almost pathetic
naivete of the character he played. Sensing he was onto something, Chaplin
shaped the role further in subsequent movies, rendering him more and more
naive. The key was to make the character seem to see the world through the eyes
of a child. In The Bank, he is the bank janitor who daydreams of great deeds
while robbers are at work in the building; in The Pawnbroker, he is an
unprepared shop assistant who wreaks havoc on a grandfather clock; in Shoulder
Arms, he is a soldier in the bloody trenches of World War I, reacting to the
horrors of war like an innocent child. Chaplin made sure to cast actors in his
films who were physically larger than he was,
subliminally
positioning them as adult bullies and himself as the helpless infant. And as he
went deeper into his character, something strange happened: the character and
the real-life man began to merge. Although he had had a troubled childhood, he
was obsessed with it. (For his film Easy Street he built a set in Hollywood
that duplicated the London streets he had known as a boy.) He mistrusted the
adult world, preferring the company of the young, or the young at heart: three
of his four wives were teenagers when he married them. More than any other
comedian, Chaplin aroused a mix of laughter and sentiment. He made you
empathize with him as the victim, feel sorry for him the way you would for a
lost dog. You both laughed and cried. And audiences sensed that the role
Chaplin played came from somewhere deep inside-that he was sincere, that he was
actually playing himself. Within a few years after Making a Living, Chaplin was
the most famous actor in the world. There were Chaplin dolls, comic books,
toys; popular songs and short stories were written about him; he became a
universal icon. In 1921, when he returned to London for the first time since he
had left it, he was greeted by enormous crowds, as if at the triumphant return
of a great general. The greatest seducers, those who seduce mass audiences,
nations,theworld,haveaway of playing on people's unconscious, making them react
in a way they can neither understand nor control. Chaplin inadvertently hit on
this power when he discovered the effect he could have on audiences by playing
up his weakness, by suggesting that he had a child's mind in an adult body. In
the early twentieth century, the world was radically and rapidly changing.
People were working longer and longer hours at increasingly mechanicaljobs;
life was becoming steadily more inhuman and heartless, as the ravages of World
War I made clear. Caught in the midst of revolutionary change, people yearned
for a lost childhood that they imagined as a golden paradise. An adult child
like Chaplin has immense seductive power, for he offers the illusion that life
was once simpler and easier, and that for a moment, or for as long as the movie
lasts, you can win that life back. In a cruel, amoral world, naivete has
enormous appeal. The key is to bring it off with an air of total seriousness,
as the straight man does in stand-up comedy. More important, however, is the
creation of sympathy. Overt strength and power is rarely seductive-it makes us
afraid, or envious. The royal road to seduction is to play up your
vulnerability and helplessness. You cannot make this obvious; to seem to be
begging for sympathy is toseemneedy,whichisentirely anti-seductive. Do not
proclaim yourself a victim or underdog, but reveal it in your manner, in your
confusion. A display of "natural" weakness will make you instantly
lovable, both lowering people's defenses and making them feel delightfully
superior to you. Put yourself in situations that make you seem weak, in which
someone else has the advantage; they are the bully, you are the innocent lamb.
Without any effort on your part, people will feel sympathy for you. Once
people's eyes cloud over with sentimental mist, they will not see how you are manipulating
them. "Geographical" escapism has been rendered ineffective by the
spread of air routes. What remains is "evolutionary" escapism - a
downward course in one's development, back to the ideas and emotions of
"golden childhood," which may well be defined as "regress
towards infantilism," escape to a personal world of childish ideas. • In a
strictly- regulated society, where life follows strictly-defined canons, the
urge to escape from the chain of things "established once and for all"
must be felt particularly strongly. . . . • And the most perfect of them [
comedians] does this with utmost perfection, for he [ Chaplin ] serves this
principle . . . through the subtlety of his method which, offering the
spectactor an infantile pattern to be imitated, pscyhologically infects him
with infantilism and draws him into the "golden age" of the infantile
paradise of childhood. -SERGEI EISENSTEIN, "CHARLIE THE KID," FROM
NOTES OF A FILM DIRECTOR 2. Emma Crouch, born in 1842 in Plymouth, England,
came from a respectable middle-class family. Her father was a composer and
music professor who dreamed of success in the world of light opera. Among his
many children, Emma was his favorite: she was a delightful child, lively and
flirtatious, with red hair and a freckled face. Her father doted on her, and
promised her a brilliant future in the theater. Unfortunately Mr. Crouch had a
Prince Gortschakojf used to say that she [Cora Pearl] was the last word in
luxury, and that he would have tried to steal the sun to satisfy one of her
whims. -GUSTAVE CLAUDIN, CORA PEARL CONTEMPORARY Apparently the possession of
humor implies the possession of a number of typical habit-systems. The first is
an emotional one: the habit of playfulness. Why should one be proud of being
playful? For a double reason. First, playfulness connotes childhood and youth.
If one can be playful, one still possesses something of the vigor and the joy
of young life ..." But there is a deeper implication. To be playful is, in
a sense, to befree. When a person is playful, he momentarily disregards the
binding
necessities
which compel him, in business and morals, in domestic and community life. . . .
• What galls us is that the binding necessities do not permit us to shape our
world as we please. . . . What we most deeply desire, however, is to create our
world for ourselves. Whenever we can do that, even in the slightest degree, we
are happy. Now in play we create our own world. . . . -PROFESSOR H . A .
OVERSTREET, INFLUENCING HUMAN BEHAVIOR dark side: he was an adventurer, a
gambler, and a rake, and in 1849 he abandoned his family and left for America.
The Crouches were now in dire straits. Emma was told that her father had died
in an accident and she was sent off to a convent. The loss of her father
affected her deeply, and as the years went by she seemed lost in the past,
acting as if he still doted on her. One day in 1856, when Emma was walking home
from church, a well- dressed gentleman invited her home for some cakes. She
followed him to his house, where he proceeded to take advantage of her. The
next morning this man, a diamond merchant, promised to set her up in a house of
her own, treat her well, and give her plenty of money. She took the money but
left him, determined to do what she had always wanted: never see her family
again, never depend on anyone, and lead the grand life that
herfatherhadpromised her. With the money the diamond merchant had given her,
Emma bought nice clothes and rented a cheap flat. Adopting the flamboyant name
of Cora Pearl, she began to frequent London's Argyll Rooms, a fancy gin palace
where harlots and gentlemen rubbed elbows. The proprietor of the Argyll, a Mr.
Bignell, took note of this newcomer to his establishment- she was so brazen for
a young girl. At forty-five, he was much older than she was, but he decided to
be her lover and protector, lavishing her with money and attention. The
following year he took her to Paris, which was at the height of its Second
Empire prosperity. Cora was enthralled by Paris, and of all its sights, but
what impressed her the most was the parade of rich coaches in the Bois de
Boulogne. Here the fashionable came to take the air-the empress, the
princesses, and, not least the grand courtesans, who had the most opulent
carriages of all. This was the way to lead the kind of life Cora's father had
wanted for her. She promptly told Bignell that when he went back to London, she
would stay on alone. Frequenting all the right places, Cora soon came to the
attention of wealthy French gentlemen. They would see her walking the streets
in a bright pink dress, to complement her flaming red hair, pale face, and
freckles. They would glimpse her riding wildly through the Bois de Boulogne,
cracking her whip left and right. They would see her in cafes surrounded by men,
her witty insults making them laugh. They also heard of her exploits-of her
delight in showing her body to one and all. The elite of Paris society began to
court her, particularly the older men who had grown tired of the cold and
calculating courtesans, and who admired her girlish spirit. As money began to
pour in from her various conquests (the Due de Mornay, heir to the Dutch
throne; Prince Napoleon, cousin to the Emperor), Cora spent it on the most
outrageous things-a multicolored carriage pulled by a team of cream-colored
horses, a rose-marble bathtub with her initials inlaid in gold. Gentlemen vied
to be the one who would spoil her the most. An Irish lover wasted his entire
fortune on her, in only eight weeks. But money could not buy Cora's loyalty; she
would leave a man on the slightest whim. Cora Pearl's wild behavior and disdain
for etiquette had all of Paris on edge. In 1864, she was to appear as Cupid in
the Offenbach operetta Orpheus in the Underworld. Society was dying to see what
she would do to cause a sensation, and soon found out: she came on stage
practically naked, except for expensive diamonds here and there, barely
covering her. As she pranced on stage, the diamonds fell off, each one worth a
fortune; she did
not
stoop to pick them up, but let them roll off into the footlights. The gentlemen
in the audience, some of whom had given her those diamonds, applauded her
wildly. Antics like this made Cora the toast of Paris, and she reigned as the
city's supreme courtesan for over a decade, until the Franco- Prussian War of
1870 put an end to the Second Empire. People often mistakenly believe that what
makes a person desirable and seductive is physical beauty, elegance, or overt
sexuality. Yet Cora Pearl was not dramatically beautiful; her body was boyish,
and her style was garish and tasteless. Even so, the most dashing men of Europe
vied for her favors, often ruining themselves in the process. It was Cora's
spirit and attitude that enthralled them. Spoiled by her father, she imagined
that spoiling her was natural-that all men should do the same. The consequence
was that, like a child, she never felt she had to try to please. It was Cora's
powerful air of independence that made men want to possess her, tame her. She
never pretended to be anything more than a courtesan, so the brazenness that in
a lady would have been uncivil in her seemed natural and fun. And as with a
spoiled child, a man's relationship with her was on her terms. The moment he
tried to change that, she lost interest. This was the secret of her astounding
success. Spoiled children have an undeservedly bad reputation: while those who
are spoiled with material things are indeed often insufferable, those who are
spoiled with affection know themselves to be deeply seductive. This becomes a
distinct advantage when they grow up. According to Freud (who was speaking from
experience, since he was his mother's darling), spoiled children have a
confidence that stays with them all their lives. This quality radiates outward,
drawing others to them, and, in a circular process, making people spoil them
still more. Since their spirit and natural energy were never tamed by a
disciplining parent, as adults they are adventurous and bold, and often impish
or brazen. The lesson is simple: it may be too late to be spoiled by a parent,
but it is never too late to make other people spoil you. It is all in your
attitude. People are drawn to those who expect a lot out of life, whereas they
tend to disrespect those who are fearful and undemanding. Wild independence has
a provocative effect on us: it appeals to us, while also presenting us with a
challenge-we want to be the one to tame it, to make the spirited person
dependent on us. Half of seduction is stirring such competitive desires. 3. In
October of 1925, Paris society was all excited about the opening of the Revue
Negre. Jazz, or in fact anything that came from black America, All was quiet
again. (Genji slipped the latch open and tried the doors. They had not been
bolted. A curtain had been set up just inside, and in the dim light he could
make out Chinese chests and otherfurniture scattered in some disorder. He made
his way through to her side. She lay by herself, a slight littlefigure. Though
vaguely annoyed at being disturbed, she evidently took him forthe woman Chujo
until he pulled back the covers. • . . . His manner was so gently persuasive
thatdevils and demons could not have gainsaid him. • . . . She was so small
that he lifted her easily. As he passed through the doors to his own room, he
came upon Chujo who had been summoned earlier. He called out in surprise.
Surprised in turn, Chujo peered into the darkness. The perfume that came from
his robes like a cloud of smoke told her who he was. . . . [Chujo] followed
after, but Genji was quite unmoved by her pleas. • "Come for her in the
morning," he said, sliding the doors closed. • The lady was bathed in
perspiration and quite beside herself at the thought of what Chujo, and the
others too, would be thinking. Genji had to feel sorry for her. Yet the sweet words
poured forth, the whole gam ut of pretty devices for making a woman surrender.
. . . • One may imagine that he found many kind promises with which to comfort
her. . . . -MURASAKI SHIKIBUTHE TALE OF GENJI. TRANSLATED BY EDWARD G.
SEIDENSTICKER was the latest fashion, and the Broadway dancers and performers
who made up the Revue Negre were African-American. On opening night, artists
and high society packed the hall. The show was spectacular, as they expected,
but nothing prepared them for the last number, performed by a somewhat gawky
long-legged woman with the prettiest face: Josephine Baker, a twenty-year-old
chorus girl from East St. Louis. She came onstage bare-breasted, wearing a
skirt of feathers over a satin bikini bottom, with feathers around her neck and
ankles. Although she performed her number, called "Dame Sauvage,"
with another dancer, also clad in feathers, all eyes were riveted on her: her
whole body seemed to come alive in a way the audience had never seen before,
her legs moving with the litheness of a cat, her rear end gyrating in patterns
that one critic likened to a hummingbird's. As the dance went on, she seemed
possessed, feeding off the crowd's ecstatic reaction. And then there was the
look on her face: she was having such fun. She radiated a joy that made her
erotic dance oddly innocent, even slightly comic. By the following day, word
had spread: a star was born. Josephine became the heart of the Revue Negre, and
Paris was at her feet. Within a year, her facewas on posters everywhere; there
were Josephine Baker perfumes, dolls, clothes; fashionable Frenchwomen were
slicking their hair back a la Baker, using a product called Bakerfix. They were
even trying to darken their skin. Such sudden fame represented quite a change,
for just a few years earlier, Josephine had been a young girl growing up in
East St. Louis, one of America's worst slums. She had gone to work at the age
of eight, cleaning houses for a white woman who beat her. She had sometimes
slept in a rat- infested basement; there had never been heat in the winter.
(She had taught herself to dance in her wild fashion to help keep herself
warm.) In 1919, Josephine had run away and become a part-time vaudeville
performer, landing in New York two years later without money or connections.
She had had some success as a clowning chorus girl, providing comic relief with
her crossed eyes and screwed-up face, but she hadn't stood out. Then she was
invited to Paris. Some other black performers had declined, fearing things
might be still worse for them in France than in America, but Josephine jumped
at the chance. Despite her success with the Revue Negre, Josephine did not
delude herself: Parisians were notoriously fickle. She decided to turn the
relationship around. First, she refused to be aligned with any club, and
developed a reputation for breaking contracts at will, making it clear that she
was ready to leave in an instant. Since childhood she had been afraid of
dependenceon anyone; now no one could take her for granted. This only made impresarios
chase her and the public appreciate her the more. Second, she was aware that
although black culture had become the vogue, what the French had fallen in love
with was a kind of caricature. If that was what it took to be successful, so be
it, but Josephine made it clear that she did not take the caricature seriously;
instead she reversed it, becoming the ultimate Frenchwoman of fashion, a
caricature not of blackness but of whiteness. Everything was a role to play-the
comedienne, the primitive dancer, the ultrastylish Parisian. And everything
Josephine did, she did with such a light spirit, such a lack of pretension,
that she continued to seduce the jaded French for years. Her funeral, in 1975,
was nationally televised, a huge cultural event. She was buried with the kind
of pomp normally reserved only for heads of state. From very early on,
Josephine Baker could not stand the feeling of having no control over the
world. Yet what could she do in the face of her unpromising circumstances? Some
young girls put all their hopes on a husband, but Josephine's father had left
her mother soon after she was born,
and
she saw marriage as something that would only make her more miserable. Her
solution was something children often do: confronted with a hopeless environment,
she closed herself off in a world of her own making, oblivious to the ugliness
around her. This world was filled with dancing, clowning, dreams of great
things. Let other people wail and moan; Josephine would smile, remain confident
and self-reliant. Almost everyone who met her, from her earliest years to her
last, commented on how seductive this quality was. Her refusal to compromise,
or to be what she was expected to be, made everything she did seem authentic
and natural. A child loves to play, and to create a little self-contained
world. When children are absorbed in make believe, they are hopelessly
charming. They infuse their imaginings with such seriousness and feeling. Adult
Naturals do something similar, particularly if they are artists: they create
their own fantasy world, and live in it as if it were the real one. Fantasy is
so much more pleasant than reality, and since most people do not have the power
or courage to create such a world, they enjoy being around those who do.
Remember: the role you were given in life is not the role you have to accept.
You can always live out a role of your own creation, a role that fits your
fantasy. Learn to playwithyourimage,nevertaking it too seriously. The key is to
infuse your play with the conviction and feeling of a child, making it seem
natural. The more absorbed you seem in your ownjoy-filled world, the more
seductive you become. Do not go halfway: make the fantasy you inhabit as
radical and exotic as possible, and you will attract attention like a magnet.
4. It was the Festival of the Cherry Blossom at the Heian court, in late-
tenth-century Japan. In the emperor's palace, many of the courtiers were drunk,
and others were fast asleep, but the young princess Oborozukiyo, the emperor's
sister-in-law, was awake and reciting a poem: "What can compare with a
misty moon of spring?" Her voice was smooth and delicate. She moved to the
door of her apartment to look at the moon. Then, suddenly, she smelled
something sweet, and a hand clutched the sleeve of her robe. "Who are
you?" she said, frightened. "There is nothing to be afraid of,"
came a man's voice, and continued with a poem of his own: "Late in the
night we enjoy a misty moon. There is nothing misty about the bond between us."
Without another word, the man pulled the princess to him and picked her up,
carrying her into a gallery outside her room, sliding the door closed behind
him. She was terrified, and tried to call for help. In the darkness she heard
him say, a little louder now, "Itwilldo you no good. I am always allowed
my way. Just be quiet, if you will, please." Now the princess recognized
the voice, and the scent: it was Genji, the young son of the late emperor's
concubine, whose robes bore a distinctive perfume. This calmed her somewhat, since
the man was someone she knew, but on the other hand she also knew of his
reputation: Genji was the court's most incorrigible seducer, a man who stopped
at nothing. He was drunk, it was near dawn, and the watchmen would soon be on
their rounds; she did not want to be discovered with him. But then she began to
make out the outlines of his face-so pretty, his look so sincere, without a
trace of malice. Then came more poems, recited in that charming voice,the words
so insinuating. The images he conjured filled her mind, and distracted her from
his hands. She could not resist him. As the light began to rise, Genji got to
his feet. He said a few tender words, they exchanged fans, and then he quickly
left. The serving women were coming through the emperor's rooms by now, and
when they saw Genji scurrying away, the perfume of his robes lingering after
him, they smiled, knowing he was up to his usual tricks; but they never
imagined he would dare approach the sister of the emperor's wife. In the days
that followed, OborozukiyocouldonlythinkofGenji.She knew he had other
mistresses, but when she tried to put him out of her mind, a letter from him
would arrive, and she would be back to square one. In truth, she had started
the correspondence, haunted by his midnight visit. She had to see him again.
Despite the risk of discovery, and the fact that her sister Kokiden, the
emperor's wife, hated Genji, she arranged for further trysts in her apartment.
But one night an envious courtier found them together. Word reached Kokiden, who
naturally was furious. She demanded that Genji be banished from court and the
emperor had no choice but to agree. Genji went far away, and things settled
down. Then the emperor died and his son took over. A kind of emptiness had come
to the court: the dozens of women whom Genji had seduced could not endure his
absence, and flooded him with letters. Even women who had never known him
intimately would weep over any relic he had left behind-a robe, for instance,
in which his scent still lingered. And the young emperor missed his jocular
presence. And the princesses missed the music he had played on the koto. And
Oborozukiyo pined for his midnight visits. Finally even Kokiden broke down,
realizing that she could not resist him. So Genji was summoned back to the
court. And not only was he forgiven, he was given a hero's welcome; the young
emperor himself greeted the scoundrel with tears in his eyes. The story of
Genji's life is told in the eleventh-century novel The Tale of Genji, written
by Murasaki Shikibu, a woman of the Heian court. The character was most likely
based on a real-life man, Fujiwara no Korechika. Indeed another book of the
period. The Pillow Book of Sei Shonagon, describes an encounter between the
female author and Korechika, and reveals his incredible charm and his almost
hypnotic effect on women. Genji is a Natural, an undefensive lover, a man who
has a lifelong obsession with women but whose appreciation of and affection for
them makes him irresistible. As he says to Oborozukiyo in the novel, "I am
always allowed my way." This self-belief is half of Genji's charm.
Resistance does not make him defensive; he retreats gracefully, reciting a
little poetry, and as he leaves, the perfume of his robes trailing behind him,
his victim wonders why she has been so afraid, and what she is missing by
spurning him, and she finds a way to let him know that the next time things
will be different. Genji takes nothing seriously or personally, and at the age
of forty, an age at which most men of the eleventh century were already looking
old and worn, he still seems like a boy. His seductive powers never leave him. Human
beings are immenselysuggestible;theirmoods will easily spread to the people
around them. In fact seduction depends on mimesis, on the conscious creation of
a mood or feeling that is then reproduced by the other person. But hesitation
and awkwardness are also contagious, and are deadly to seduction. If in a key
moment you seem indecisive or self- conscious, the other person will sense that
you are thinking of yourself, instead of being overwhelmed by his or her
charms. The spell will be broken. As an undefensive lover, though, you produce
the opposite effect: your victim might be hesitant or worried, but confronted
with someone so sure and natural, he or she will be caught up in the mood. Like
dancing with someone you lead effortlessly across the dance floor, it is a
skill you can leam. It is a matter of rooting out the fear and awkwardness that
have built up in you over the years, of becoming more graceful with your
approach, less defensive when others seem to resist. Often people's resistance
is a way of testing you, and if you show any awkwardness or hesitation, you not
only will fail the test, but you will risk infecting them with your doubts.
Symbol: The Lamb. So soft and endearing. At two days old the lamb can gambol
gracefully; within a week it is playing "Follow the Leader." Its
weakness is part of its charm. The Lamb is pure innocence, so innocent we want
to possess it, even devour it. Dangers A childish quality can be charming but
it can also be irritating; the innocent have no experience of the world, and
their sweetness can prove cloying. In Milan Kundera's novel The Book of
Laughter and Forgetting, the hero dreams that he is trapped on an island with a
group of children. Soon their wonderful qualities become intensely annoying to
him; after a few days of exposure to them he cannot relate to them at all. The
dream turns into a nightmare, and he longs to be back among adults, with real
things to do and talk about. Because total childishness can quickly grate, the
most seductive Naturals are those who, like Josephine Baker, combine adult
experience and wisdom with a childlike manner. It is this mixture of qualities
that is most alluring. Society cannot tolerate too many Naturals. Given a crowd
of Cora Pearls or Charlie Chaplins, their charm would quickly wear off. In any
case it is usually only artists, or people with abundant leisure time, who can
afford to go all the way. The best way to use the Natural character type is in
specific situations when a touch of innocence or impishness will help lower
your target's defenses. A con man plays dumb to make the other person trust him
and feel superior. This kind of feigned naturalness has countless applications
in daily life, where nothing is more dangerous than looking smarter than the
next person; the Natural pose is the perfect way to disguise your cleverness.
But if you are uncontrollably childish and cannot turn it off, you run the risk
of seeming pathetic, earning not sympathy but pity and disgust. Similarly, the
seductive traits of the Natural work best in one who is still young enough for
them to seem natural. They are much harder for an older person to pull off.
Cora Pearl did not seem so charming when she was still wearing her pink flouncy
dresses in her fifties. The Duke of Buckingham, who seduced everyone in the
English court in the 1620s (including the homosexual King James I himself), was
wondrously childish in looks and manner; but this became obnoxious and
off-putting as he grew older, and he eventually made enough enemies that he
ended up being murdered. As you age, then, your natural qualities should
suggest more the child's open spirit, less an innocence that will no longer
convince anyone. the Coquette The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate
art of seduction-while waiting, the victim is held in thrall. Coquettes are the
grand masters of this game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between
hope and frustration. They bait with the promise of reward-the hope of physical
pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power-all ofwhich,however,proves
elusive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them the more. Coquettes seem
totally self-sufficient: they do not need you, they seem to say, and their
narcissism proves devilishly attractive. You want to conquer them but they hold
the cards. The strategy of the Coquette is never to offer total satisfaction.
Imitate the alternating heat and coolness of the Coquette and you will keep the
seduced at your heels. The Hot and Cold Coquette I n the autumn of 1795, Paris
was caught up in a strange giddiness. The Reign of Terror that had followed the
French Revolution had ended; the sound of the guillotine was gone. The city
breathed a collective sigh of relief, and gave way to wild parties and endless
festivals. The young Napoleon Bonaparte, twenty-six at the time, had no
interest in such revelries. He had made a name for himself as a bright,
audacious general who had helped quell rebellion in the provinces, but his
ambition was boundless and he burned with desire for new conquests. So when, in
October of that year, the infamous thirty-three-year-old widow Josephine de
Beauhamais visited his offices, he couldn't help but be confused. Josephine was
so exotic, and everything about her was languorous and sensual. (She
capitalized on her foreignness-she came from the island of
Martinique.)Ontheotherhandshehadareputationasaloose woman, and the shy Napoleon
believed in marriage. Even so, when Josephine invited him to one of her weekly
soirees, he found himself accepting. At the soiree he felt totally out of his
element. All of the city's great writers and wits were there, as well as the
few of the nobility who had survived-Josephine herself was a vicomtesse, and
had narrowly escaped the guillotine. The women were dazzling, some of them more
beautiful than the hostess, but all the men congregated around Josephine, drawn
by her graceful presence and queenly manner. Several times she left the men
behind and went to Napoleon's side; nothing could have flattered his insecure
ego more than such attention. He began to pay her visits. Sometimes she would
ignore him, and he would leave in a fit of anger. Yet the next day a passionate
letter would arrive from Josephine, and he would rush to see her. Soon he was
spending most of his time with her. Her occasional shows of sadness, her bouts
of anger or of tears, only deepened his attachment. In March of 1796, Napoleon
married Josephine. Two days after his wedding, Napoleon left to lead a campaign
in northern Italy against the Austrians. "You are the constant object of
my thoughts," he wrote to his wife from abroad. "My imagination
exhausts itself in guessing what you are doing." His generals saw him
distracted: hewould leave meetings early, spend hours writing letters, or stare
at the miniature of Josephine he wore around his neck. He had been driven to
this state by the unbearable distance between them and by a slight coldness he
now detected There are indeed men who are attached more by resistance than by
yielding and who unwittingly prefer a variable sky, now splendid, now black and
vexed by lightnings, to love's unclouded blue. Let us not forget that Josephine
had to deal with a conqueror and that love resembles war. She did not
surrender, she let herself be conquered. Had she been more tender, more
attentive, more loving, perhaps Bonaparte would have loved her less. -IMBERT DE
SAINT-AMAND, QUOTED IN THE EMPRESS JOSEPHINE: NAPOLEON'S ENCHANTRESS. PHILIP W.
SERGEANT Coquettes know how to please; not how to love, which is why men love
them so much. -PIERRE MARIVAUX An absence, the declining of an invitation to
dinner, an unintentional, unconscious harshness are of more service than all
the cosmetics and fine clothes in the world. -MARCEL PROUST There's also
nightly, to the unintiated, \ A peril-not indeed like love or marriage, \ But
not the less for this to he depreciated: \ It is-I meant and mean not to
disparage \ The show of virtue even in the vitiated - \ Itaddsanoutwardgraceuntotheircarriage
- \ But to denounce the amphibious sort of harlot, \ Couleur de rose, who's
neither white nor scarlet. \ Such is your cold coquette, who can't say say
"no," \And won't say "yes," and keeps you on- and off-ing \
On a lee shore, till it begins to blow - \ Then sees your heart wreck'd with an
in her-she wrote infrequently, and her letters lacked passion; nor did she join
him in Italy. He had to finish his war fast, so that he could return to her
side. Engaging the enemy with unusual zeal, he began to make mistakes. "To
live for Josephine!" he wrote to her. "I work to get near you; I kill
myself to reach you." His letters became more passionate and erotic; a
friend of Josephine's who saw them wrote, "The handwriting [was] almost
indecipherable, the spelling shaky, the style bizarre and confused .... What a
position for a woman to find herself in-being the motivating force behind the
triumphal march of an entire army." Months went by in which Napoleon
begged Josephine to come to Italy and she made endless excuses. But finally she
agreed to come, and left Paris for Brescia, where he was headquartered. A near
encounter with the enemy along the way, however, forced her to detour to Milan.
Napoleon was away from Brescia, in battle; when he returned to find her still
absent, he blamed his foe GeneralWiirmser and swore revenge. For the next few
months he seemed to pursue two targets with equal energy: Wiirmser and
Josephine. His wife was never where she was supposed to be: "I reach
Milan, rush to your house, having thrown aside everything in order to clasp you
in my arms. You are not there!" Napoleon would turn angry and jealous, but
when he finally caught up with Josephine, the slightest of her favors melted
his heart. He took long rides with her in a darkened carriage, while his
generals fumed-meetings were missed, orders and strategies improvised.
"Never," he later wrote to her, "has a woman been in such
complete mastery of another's heart." And yet their time together was so
short. During a campaign that lasted almost a year, Napoleon spent a mere
fifteen nights with his new bride. inward scoffing. \ This works a world of
sentimental woe, \ And sends new Werters yearly to the coffin; \ But yet is
merely innocent flirtation, \ Not quite adultery, but adulteration. -LORD
BYRON, THE COLD COQUETTE Napoleon later heard rumors that Josephine had taken a
lover while he was in Italy. His feelings toward her cooled, and he himself
took an endless series of mistresses. Yet Josephine was never really concerned
about this threat to her power over her husband; a few tears, some theatrics, a
little coldness on her part,andheremained her slave. In 1804, he had her
crowned empress, and had she born him a son, she would have remained empress to
the end. When Napoleon lay on his deathbed, the last word he uttered was
"Josephine." There is a way to represent one's cause and in doing so
to treat the audience in such a cool and condescending manner that they are
bound to notice one is not doing it to please them. The principle should always
be not to makeconcessions to those who don't have anything to give but who have
everything to gain from us. We can wait During the French Revolution, Josephine
had come within minutes of losing her head on the guillotine. The experience
left her without illusions, and with two goals in mind: to live a life of
pleasure, and to find the man who could best supply it. She set her sights on
Napoleon early on. He was young, and had a brilliant future. Beneath his calm
exterior, Josephine sensed, he was highly emotional and aggressive, but this
did not intimidate her-it only revealed his insecurity and weakness. He would
be easy to enslave. First, Josephine adapted to his moods, charmed him with her
feminine grace, warmed him with her looks and manner. He wanted to possess her.
And once she had aroused this desire, her power lay in postponing its
satisfaction, withdrawing from him, frustrating him. In fact
thetortureofthechasegave Napoleon a masochistic pleasure. He yearned to subdue
her independent spirit, as if she were an enemy in battle. People are
inherently perverse. An easy conquest has a lower value than a difficult one;
we are only really excited by what is denied us, by what we cannot possess in
full. Your greatest power in seduction is your ability to turn away, to make
others come after you, delaying their satisfaction. Most people miscalculate
and surrender too soon, worried that the other person will lose interest, or
that giving the other what he or she wants will grant the giver a kind of
power. The truth is the opposite: once you satisfy someone, you no longer have
the initiative, and you open yourself to the possibility that he or she will
lose interest at the slightest whim. Remember: vanity is critical in love. Make
your targets afraid that you may be withdrawing, that you may not really be
interested, and you arouse their innate insecurity, their fear that as you have
gotten to know them they have become less exciting to you. These insecurities
are devastating. Then, once you have made them uncertain of you and of
themselves, reignite their hope, making them feel desired again. Hot and cold,
hot and cold-such coquetry is perversely pleasurable, heightening interest and
keeping the initiative on your side. Never be put off by your target's anger;
it is a sure sign of enslavement. She who would long retain her power must use
her lover ill. -OVID The Cold Coquette I n 1952, the writer Truman Capote, a
recent success in literary and social circles, began to receive an almost daily
barrage of fan mail from a young man named Andy Warhol. An illustrator for shoe
designers, fashion magazines, and the like, Warhol made pretty, stylized
drawings, some of which he sent to Capote, hoping the author would include them
in one of his books. Capote did not respond. One day he came home to find
Warhol talking to his mother, with whom Capote lived. And Warhol began to
telephone almost daily. Finally Capote put an end to all this: "He seemed
one of those hopeless people that you just know nothing's ever going to happen
to. Just a hopeless, born loser," the writer later said. Ten years later,
Andy Warhol, aspiring artist, had his first one-man show at the Stable Gallery
in Manhattan. On the walls were a series of silkscreened paintings based on the
Campbell's soup can and the Coca-Cola bottle. At the opening and at the party
afterward, Warhol stood to the side, staring blankly, talking little. What a
contrast he was to the older generation of artists, the abstract
expressionists-mostly hard-drinking womanizers full of bluster and aggression,
big talkers who had dominated the art scene for theprevious fifteen years. And
what a change from the Warhol who had badgered Capote, and art dealers and
patrons as well. The critics were both until they are begging on their knees
even if it takes a very long time. -SIGMUND FREUD, IN A LETTER TO A PUPIL,
QUOTED IN PAUL ROAZEN, FREUD AND HIS FOLLOWERS When her time was come, that
nymph most fair broughtforth a child with whom one could have fallen in love
even in his cradle, and she called him Narcissus. . . . Cephisus's child had
reached his sixteenth year, and could be counted as at once boy and man. Many
lads and many girls fell in love with him, but his soft young body housed a
pride so unyielding that none of those boys or girls dared to touch him. One
day, as he was driving timid deer into his nets, he was seen by that talkative
nymph who cannot stay silent when another speaks, but yet has not learned to
speak first herself. Her name is Echo, and she always answers back. . . . • So
when she saw Narcissus wandering through the lonely countryside, Echo fell in
love with him and followed secretly in his steps. The more closely she
followed, the nearer was the fire which scorched her: just as sulphur, smeared
round the tops of torches, is quickly kindled when aflame is brought near it.
How often she wished to make flattering overtures to him,
to
approach him with tender pleas! • The boy, by chance, had wandered away from
his faithful band of comrades, and he called out: "Is there anybody
here?" Echo answered: "Here!" Narcissus stood still in
astonishment. looking round in every direction. . . . He looked behind him, and
when no one appeared, cried again: "Why are you avoiding me?" But all
he heard were his own words echoed back. Still he persisted, deceived by what
he took to be another's voice, and said, "Come here, and let us
meet!" Echo answered: "Let us meet!" Never again would she reply
more willingly to any sound. To make good her words she came out of the wood
and made to throw her arms round the neck she loved: but he fled from her,
crying as he did so, "Away with these embraces! I would die before I would
have you touch me!" . . . Thus scorned, she concealed herself in the
woods, hiding her shamedface in the shelter of the leaves, and ever since that
day she dwells in lonely caves. Yet still her love remained firmly rooted in
her heart, and was increased by the pain of having been rejected. . . . •
Narcissus had played with her affections, treating her as he had previously
treated other spirits of the waters and the woods, and his male admirers too.
Then one of those he had scorned raised up his hands to heaven and prayed:
"May he himselffall in lovewith another, as we have done with him! May he
too be unable to gain his loved one!" Nemesis heard and granted his
righteous prayer. . . . • Narcissus, wearied with hunting in the heat of the
day, lay down here [by a clear pool]: for he was attracted by the beauty of the
place, and by the spring. While he sought to quench his thirst, another thirst
grew baffled and intrigued by the coldness of Warhol's work; they could not
figure out how the artist felt about his subjects. What was his position? What
was he trying to say? When they asked, he would simply reply, "I just do it
because I like it," or, "I love soup." The critics went wild
with their interpretations: "An art like Warhol's is necessarily parasitic
upon the myths of its time," one wrote; another, "The decision not to
decide is a paradox that is equal to an idea which expresses nothing but then
gives it dimension." The show was a huge success, establishing Warhol as a
leading figure in a new movement, pop art. In 1963, Warhol rented a large
Manhattan loft space that he called the Factory, and that soon became the hub
of a large entourage-hangers-on, actors, aspiring artists. Here, particularly
at night, Warhol would simply wander about, or stand in a corner. People would
gather around him, fight for his attention, throw questions at him, and he
would answer, in his noncommittal way. But no one could get close to him,
physically or mentally; he would not allow it. At the same time, if he walked
by you without giving you his usual "Oh, hi," you were devastated. He
hadn't noticed you; perhaps you were on the way out. Increasingly interested in
filmmaking, Warhol cast his friends in his movies. In effect he was offering
them a kind of instant celebrity (their "fifteen minutes of fame"-the
phrase is Warhol's). Soon people were competing for roles. He groomed women in
particular for stardom; Edie Sedgwick, Viva, Nico. Just being around him
offered a kind of celebrity by association. The Factory became the place to be
seen, and stars like Judy Garland and Tennessee Williams would go to parties
there, rubbing elbows with Sedgwick, Viva, and the bohemian lower echelons whom
Warhol had befriended. People began sending limos to bring him to parties of
their own; his presence alone was enough to turn a social evening into a scene-
even though he would pass through in near silence, keeping to himself and
leaving early. In 1967, Warhol was asked to lecture at various colleges. He
hated to talk, particularly about his own art; "The less something has to
say," he felt, "the more perfect it is." But the money was good
and Warhol always found it hard to say no. His solution was simple; he asked an
actor, AllenMidgette, to impersonate him. Midgette was dark-haired, tan, part
Cherokee Indian. He did not resemble Warhol in the least. But Warhol and
friends covered his face with powder, sprayed his brown hair silver, gave him
dark glasses, and dressed him in Warhol's clothes. Since Midgette knew nothing
about art, his answers to students' questions tended to be as short and
enigmatic as Warhol's own. The impersonation worked. Warhol may have been an
icon, but no one really knew him, and since he often wore dark glasses, even
his face was unfamiliar in any detail. The lecture audiences were far enough
away to be teased by the thought of his presence, and no one got dose enough to
catch the deception. He remained elusive. Early on in life, Andy Warhol was
plagued by conflicting emotions: he desperately wanted fame, but he was
naturally passive and shy "I've always had a conflict," he later
said, "because I'm shy and yet I like to take up a lot of personal space.
Mom always said, 'Don't be pushy, but let everyone know you're around.' "
At first Warhol tried to make himself more aggressive, straining to please and
court. It didn't work. After ten futile years he stopped trying and gave in to
his own passivity-only to discover the power that withdrawal commands. Warhol
began this process inhisartwork,whichchangeddramaticallyintheearly1960s.His new
paintings of soup cans, green stamps, and other widely known images did not
assault you with meaning; in fact their meaning was totally elusive, which only
heightened their fascination. They drew you in by their immediacy, their visual
power, their coldness. Having transformed his art, Warhol also transformed
himself: like his paintings, he became pure surface. He trained himself to hold
himself back, to stop talking. The world is full of people who try, people who
impose themselves aggressively. They may gain temporary victories, but the
longer they are around, the more people want to confound them. They leave no
space around themselves, and without space there can be no seduction. Cold
Coquettes create space by remaining elusive and making others pursue them.
Their coolness suggests a comfortable confidence that is exciting to be around,
even though it may not actually exist; their silence makes you want to talk.
Their self-containment, their appearance of having no need for other people,
only makes us want to do things for them, hungry for the slightest sign of
recognition and favor. Cold Coquettes may be maddening to deal with-never
committing but never saying no, never allowing closeness-but more often than
not we find ourselves coming back to them, addicted to the coldness they
project. Remember; seduction is a process of drawing people in, making them
want to pursue and possess you. Seem distant and people will go mad to win your
favor. Humans, like nature, hate a vacuum, and emotional distance and silence
make them strain to fill up the empty space with words and heat of their own.
Like Warhol, stand back and let them fight over you. [Narcissistic] women have
the greatest fascination for men. . . . The charm of a child lies to a great
extent in his narcissism, his self-sufficiency and inaccessibility, just as
does the charm of certain animals which seem not to concern themselves about
us, such as cats. ... It is as if we envied them their power of retaining a
blissful state of mind-an unassailable libido-position which we ourselves have
since abandoned. -SIGMUND FREUD in him, and as he drank, he was enchanted by
the beautiful reflection that he saw. He fell in love with an insubstantial
hope, mistaking a mere shadow for a real body. Spellbound by his own self, he
remained there motionless, with fixed gaze, like a statue carved from Parian
marble. . . . Unwittingly, he desired himself, and was himself the object of
his own approval, at once seeking and sought, himself kindling the flame with
which he burned. How often did he vainly kiss the treacherous pool, how often
plunge his arms deep in the waters, as he tried to clasp the neck he saw! But
he could not lay hold upon himself. He did not know what he was looking at, but
was fired by the sight, and excited by the very illusion that deceived his
eyes. Poor foolish boy, why vainly grasp at the fleeting image that eludes you?
The thing you are seeking does not exist: only turn aside and you will lose
what you love. What you see is but the shadow cast by your reflection; in
itself it is nothing. It comes with you, and lasts while you are there; it will
go when you go, if go you can. . . . He laid down his weary head on the green
grass, and death closed the eyes which so admired their owner's beauty. Even
then, when he was received into the abode of the dead, he kept looking at
himself in the waters of the Styx. His sisters, the nymphs of the spring,
mourned for him, and cut off their hair in tribute to their brother. The wood
nymphs mourned him too, and Echo sang her refrain to their lament. The pyre,
the tossing torches, and the bier, were now being prepared, but his body was
nowhere to be found. Instead of his corpse, they discovered a flower with a
circle of white petals round a yellow centre. - OVID .METAMORPHOSES, TRANSLATED
BY MARY M. INNES Selfishness is one of the qualities apt to inspire love.
-NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE The Socrates whom you see has a tendency to fall in love
with good-looking young men, and is always in their society and in an ecstasy
about them...but once you see beneath the surface you will discover a degree of
self-control of which you can hardly form a notion, gentlemen. . . . He spends
his whole life pretending and playing with people, and I doubt whether anyone
has ever seen the treasures which are revealed when he grows serious and
exposes what he keeps inside. . . . Believing that he was serious in his
admiration of my charms, I supposed that a wonderful piece ofgood luck had
befallen me; I should now be able, in return for my favours, to find out all
that Socrates knew; for you must know that there was no limit to the pride that
I felt in my good looks. With this end in view I sent away my attendant, whom
hitherto I had always kept with me in my encounters with Socrates, and left
myself alone with him. I must tell you the whole truth; attend carefully, and
do you, Keys to the Character A ccording to the popular concept, Coquettes are
consummate teases, experts at arousing desire through a provocative appearance
or an alluring attitude. But the real essence of Coquettes is in fact their
ability to trap people emotionally, and to keep their victims in their clutches
long after that first titillation of desire. This is the skill that puts them
in the ranks of the most effective seducers. Their success may seem somewhat
odd, since they are essentially cold and distant creatures; should you ever get
to know one well, you will sense his or her inner core of detachment and self-
love. It may seem logical that once you become aware of this quality you will
see through the Coquette's manipulations and lose interest, but more often we
see the opposite. After years of Josephine's coquettish games, Napoleon was
well aware of how manipulative she was. Yet this conqueror of kingdoms, this
skeptic and cynic, could not leave her. To understand the peculiar power of the
Coquette, you must first understand a critical property of love and desire: the
more obviously you pursue a person, the more likely you are to chase them away.
Too much attention can be interesting for a while, but it soon grows cloying
and finally becomes claustrophobic and frightening. It signals weakness and
neediness, an unseductive combination. How often we make this mistake, thinking
our persistent presence will reassure. But Coquettes have an inherent
understanding of this particular dynamic. Masters of selective withdrawal, they
hint at coldness, absenting themselves at times to keep their victim off
balance, surprised, intrigued. Their withdrawals make them mysterious, and we
build them up in our imaginations. (Familiarity, on the other hand,
undermines
what we have built.) A bout of distance engages the emotions further; instead
of making us angry, it makes us insecure. Perhaps they don't really like us,
perhaps we have lost their interest. Once our vanity is at stake, we succumb to
the Coquette just to prove we are still desirable. Remember: the essence of the
Coquette lies not in the tease and temptation but in the subsequent step back,
the emotional withdrawal. That is the key to enslaving desire. To adopt the
power of the Coquette, you must understand one other quality: narcissism.
Sigmund Freud characterized the "narcissistic woman" (most often
obsessed with her appearance) as the type with the greatest effect on men. As
children, he explains, we pass through a narcissistic phase that is immensely
pleasurable. Happily self-contained and self-involved, we have little psychic
need of other people. Then, slowly, we are socialized and taught to pay
attention to others-but we secretly yearn for those blissful early days. The
narcissistic woman reminds a man of that period, and makes him envious. Perhaps
contact with her will restore that feeling of selfinvolvement. A man is also
challenged by the female Coquette's independence-he wants to be the one to make
her dependent, to burst her bubble. It is far more likely, though, that he will
end up becoming her slave, givingher incessant attention to gain her love, and
failing. For the narcissistic woman is not emotionally needy; she is
self-sufficient. And this is surprisingly seductive. Self-esteem is critical in
seduction. (Your attitude toward yourself is read by the other person in subtle
and unconscious ways.) Low self-esteem repels, confidence and self-sufficiency
attract. The less you seem to need other people, the more likely others will be
drawn to you. Understand the importance of this in all relationships and you
will find your neediness easier to suppress. But do not confuse self-absorption
with seductive narcissism. Talking endlessly about yourself is eminently
anti-seductive, revealing not self-sufficiency but insecurity. The Coquette is
traditionally thought of as female, and certainly the strategy was for
centuries one of the few weapons women had to engage and enslave a man's
desire. One ploy of the Coquette is the withdrawal of sexual favors, and we see
women using this trick throughout history: the great seventeenth-century French
courtesan Ninon de l'Enclos was desired by all the preeminent men of France,
but only attained real power when she made it clear that she would no longer
sleep with a man as part of her duty. This drove her admirers to despair, which
she knew how to make worse by favoring a man temporarily, granting him access
to her body for a few months, then returning him to the pack of the
unsatisfied. Queen Elizabeth I of England took coquettishness to the extreme,
deliberately arousing the desires of her courtiers but sleeping with none of
them. Long a tool of social power for women, coquettishness was slowly adapted
by men, particularly the great seducers of the seventeenth and eighteenth
centuries who envied the power of such women. One seventeenth-century seducer,
the Due de Lauzun, was a master at exciting a woman, then suddenly acting
aloof. Women went wild over him. Today, coquetry is genderless. In a world that
discourages direct confrontation, teasing, coldness, and selective aloofness
are a form of indirect power that brilliantly disguises its own aggression. The
Coquette must first and foremost be able to excite the target of his or her
attention. The attraction can be sexual, the lure of celebrity, whatever it takes.
At the same time, the Coquette sends contrary signals that stimulate contrary
responses, plunging the victim into confusion. The eponymous heroine of
Marivaux's eighteenth-century French novel Marianne is the consummate Coquette.
Going to church, she dresses tastefully, but leaves her hair slightly uncombed.
In the middle of the service she seems to notice this error and starts to fix
it, revealing her bare arm as she does so; such things were not to be seen in
an eighteenth-century church, and all male eyes fix on her for that moment. The
tension is much more powerful than if she were outside, or were tartily
dressed. Remember: obvious flirting will reveal your intentions too clearly.
Better to be ambiguous and even contradictory, frustrating at the same time
that you stimulate. The great spiritual leader liddu Krishnamurti was an
unconscious coquette. Revered by theosophists as their "World
Teacher," Krishnamurti was also a dandy. He loved elegant clothing and was
devilishly handsome. At the Socrates, pull me up if anything I say is false. I
allowed myself to be alone with him, I say, gentlemen, and I naturally supposed
that he would embark on conversation of the type that a lover usually addresses
to his darling when they are tete-a-tete, and I was glad. Nothing of the kind;
he spent the day with me in the sort of talk which is habitual with him, and
then left me and went away. Next I invited him to train with me in the
gymnasium, and I accompanied him there, believing that I should succeed with
him now. He took exercise and wrestled with me frequently, with no one else
present, but I need hardly say that I was no nearer my goal. Finding that this
was no good either, I resolved to make a direct assault on him, and not to give
up what I had onceundertaken;I felt that I must get to the bottom of the
matter. So I invited him to dine with me, behaving just like a lover who has
designs upon his favourite. He was in no hurry to accept this invitation, but
at last he agreed to come. The first time he came he rose to go away
immediately after dinner, and on that occasion I was ashamed and let him go.
But I returned to the attack, and this time I kept him in conversation after
dinnerfar into the night, and then, when he wanted to be going, I compelled him
to stay, on the plea that it was too late for him to go. • So he betook himself
to rest, using as a bed the couch on which he had reclined at dinner, next to
mine, and there was nobody sleeping in the room but ourselves. •... I swear by
all the gods in heaven thatfor anything that had happened between us when I got
up after sleeping with Socrates, I might have been sleeping with my father or
elder brother. • What do you suppose to have been my state of mind after that?
On the one hand 1 same time, he practiced celibacy, and had a horror of being
touched. In 1929 he shocked theosophists around the world by proclaiming that
he was not a god or even a guru, and did not want any followers. This only
heightened his appeal: women fell in love with him in great numbers, and his
advisers grew even more devoted. Physically and psychologically, Krishnamurti
was sending contrary signals. While preaching a generalized love and
acceptance, in his personal life he pushed people away His attractiveness and
his obsession with his appearance might have gained him attention but by
themselves would not have made women fall in love with him; his lessons of
realized that I had been slighted, but on the other I felt a reverence for
Socrates' character, his self-control and courage . . . The result was that I
could neither bring myself to be angry with him and tear myself away from his
society, nor find a way of subduing him to my will. ... I was utterly
disconcerted, and wandered about in a state celibacy and spiritual virtue would
have created disciples but not physical love. The combination of these traits,
however, both drew people in and frustrated them, a coquettish dynamic that
created an emotional and physical attachment to a man who shunned such things.
His withdrawal from the world had the effect of only heightening the devotion
of his followers. Coquetry depends on developing a pattern to keep the other
person off balance. The strategy is extremely effective. Experiencing a
pleasure once, we yearn to repeat it; so the Coquette gives us pleasure, then
withdraws it.The alternation of heat and cold is the most
commonpattern,andhasseveralvariations.TheeighthcenturyChineseCoquetteYang
Kuei-Fei to- of enslavement to the man tally enslaved the Emperor Ming Huang
through a pattern of kindness and the like of which has never bitterness:
having charmed him with kindness, she would suddenly get angry, blaming him
harshly for the slightest mistake. Unable to live without alcibiades, quoted in
^ p] easure s b e gave him, the emperor would turn the court upside down PLATO,
THE SYMPOSIUM to please her when she was angry or upset. Her tears had a
similar effect: what had he done, why was she so sad? He eventually ruined
himself and his kingdom trying to keep her happy. Tears, anger, and the
production of guilt are all the tools of the Coquette. A similar dynamic
appears in a lover's quarrel: when a couple fights, then reconciles, the joys
of reconciliation only make the attachment stronger. Sadness of any sort is
also seductive, particularly if it seems deep-rooted, even spiritual, rather
than needy or pathetic-it makes people come to you. Coquettes are never
jealous-that would undermine their image of fundamental self-sufficiency. But
they are masters at inciting jealousy: by paying attention to a third party,
creating a triangle of desire, they signal to their victims that they may not
be that interested. This triangulation is extremely seductive, in social
contexts as well as erotic ones. Interested in narcissistic women, Freud was a
narcissist himself, and his aloofness drove his disciples crazy. (They even had
a name for it-his "god complex.") Behaving like a kind of messiah,
too lofty for petty emotions, Freud always maintained a distance between
himself and his students, hardly ever inviting them over for dinner, say, and
keeping his private life shrouded in mystery. Yet he would occasionally choose
an acolyte to confide in-Carl Jung, Otto Rank, Lou Andreas-Salome. The result
was that his disciples went berserk trying to win his favor, to be the one he chose.
Their jealousy when he suddenly favored one of them only increased his power
over them. People's natural insecurities are heightened in group settings; by
maintaining aloofness, Coquettes start a competition to win their favor. If the
ability to use third parties to make targets jealous is a critical seductive
skill, Sigmund Freud was a grand Coquette. All of the tactics of the Coquette
have been adapted by political leaders to make the public fall in love. While
exciting the masses, these leaders remain inwardly detached, which keeps them
in control. The political scientist Roberto Michels has even referred to such
politicians as Cold Coquettes. Napoleon played the Coquette with the French:
after the grand successes of the Italian campaign had made him a beloved hero,
he left France to conquer Egypt, knowing that in his absence the government
would fall apart, the people would hunger for his return, and their love would
serve as the base for an expansion of his power. After exciting the masses with
a rousing speech, Mao Zedong would disappear from sight for days on end, making
himself an object of cultish worship. And no one was more of a Coquette than
Yugoslav leader losef Tito, who alternated between distance from and emotional
identification with his people. All of these political leaders were confirmed
narcissists. In times of trouble, when people feel insecure, the effect of such
political coquetry is even more powerful. It is important to realize that
coquetry is extremely effective on a group, stimulatingjealousy, love, and
intense devotion. If you play such a role with a group, remember to keep an
emotional and physical distance. This will allow you to cry and laugh on
command, project self-sufficiency, and with such detachment you will be able play
people's emotions like a piano. Symbol: The Shadow. It cannot be grasped. Chase
your shadow and it will flee; turn your back on it and it will follow you. It
is also a person's dark side, the thing that makes them mysterious. After they
have given us pleasure, the shadow oftheir withdrawal makes us yearn for their
return, much as clouds make us yearn for the sun. Dangers C oquettes face an
obvious danger: they play with volatile emotions. Every time the pendulum
swings, love shifts to hate. So they must orchestrate everything carefully.
Their absences cannot be too long, their bouts of anger must be quickly
followed by smiles. Coquettes can keep their victims emotionally entrapped for
a long time, but over months or years the dynamic can begin to prove tiresome.
Jiang Qing, later known as Madame Mao, used coquettish skills to capture the
heart of Mao Tse-tung, but after ten years the quarreling, the tears and the
coolness became intensely irritating, and once irritation proved stronger than
love, Mao was able to detach. Josephine, a more brilliant Coquette, was able to
adapt, by spending a whole year without playing coy or withdrawing from
Napoleon. Timing is everything. On the other hand, though, the Coquette stirs
up powerful emotions, and breakups often prove temporary. The Coquette is
addictive: after the failure of the social plan Mao called the Great Leap
Forward, Madame Mao was able to reestablish her power over her devastated
husband. The Cold Coquette can stimulate a particularly deep hatred. Valerie
Solanas was a young woman who fell under Andy Warhol's spell. She had written
aplay that amused him, and she was given the impression he might turn it into a
film. She imagined becoming a celebrity. She also got involved in the feminist
movement, and when, in June 1968, it dawned on her that Warhol was toying with
her, she directed her growing rage at men on him and shot him three times,
nearly killing him. Cold Coquettes may stimulate feelings that are not so much
erotic as intellectual, less passion and more fascination. The hatred they can
stir up is all the more insidious and dangerous, for it may not be
counterbalanced by a deep love. They must realize the limits of the game, and
the disturbing effects they can have on less stable people. the Charmer Charm
is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their
cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple:
they deflect attentionfrom themselves andfocus it on their target. They
understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of
a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Charmers do not argue or fight,
complain, or pester -w hat could be more seductive? By drawing you in with
their indulgence they make you dependent on them, and their power grows. Learn
to cast the Charmer's spell by aiming at people's primary weaknesses: vanity
and self-esteem. The Art of Charm S exuality is extremely disruptive. The
insecurities and emotions it stirs up can often cut short a relationship that
would otherwise be deeper and longer lasting. The Charmer's solution is to
fulfill the aspects of sexuality that are so alluring and addictive-the focused
attention, the boosted self-esteem, the pleasurable wooing, the understanding
(real or illusory)-but subtract the sex itself. It's not that the Charmer
represses or discourages sexuality; lurking beneath the surface of any attempt
at charm is a sexual tease, a possibility. Charm cannot exist without a hint of
sexual tension. It cannot be maintained, however, unless sex is kept at bay or
in the background. The word "charm" comes from the Latin carmen, a
song, but also an incantation tied to the casting of a magical spell. The
Charmer implicitly grasps this history, casting a spell by giving people something
that holds their attention, that fascinates them. And the secret to capturing
people's attention, while lowering their powers of reason, is to strike at the
things they have the least control over: their ego, their vanity, and their
selfesteem. As Benjamin Disraeli said, "Talk to a man about himself and he
will listen for hours." The strategy can never be obvious; subtlety is the
Charmer's great skill. If the target is to be kept from seeing through the
Charmer's efforts, and fromgrowingsuspicious, maybe even tiring of the
attention, a light touch is essential. The Charmer is like a beam of light that
doesn't play directly on a target but throws a pleasantly diffused glow over
it. Charm can be applied to a group as well as to an individual: a leader can
charm the public. The dynamic is similar. The following are the laws of charm,
culled from the stories of the most successful charmers in history. Birds are
taken with pipes that imitate their own voices, and men with those sayings that
are most agreeable to their own opinions. -SAMUEL BUTLER Make your target the
center of attention. Charmers fade into the background; their targets become
the subject of their interest. To be a Charmer you have to leam to listen and
observe. Let your targets talk, revealing themselves in the process. As you
find out more about them-their strengths, and more important their
weaknesses-you can individualize your attention, appealing to their specific
desires and needs, tailoring your flatteries to their insecurities. By adapting
to their spirit and empathizing with their woes, you can make them feel bigger
and better, validating their sense of self-worth. Make them the star of the
show and they will become Go with the bough, you'll bend it; \ Use brute force,
it'll snap. \ Go with the current: that's how to swimacross rivers
-\Fightingupstream's no good. \ Goeasy with lions or tigers ifyou aim to tame
them; \ The bull gets inured to the plough by slow degrees. . . . \ So, yield
if she shows resistance: \ That way you'll win in the end. fust be sure to play
\ The part she allots you. Censure the things she censures, \ Endorse her
endorsements, echo her every word, \ Pro or con, and laugh whenever she laughs;
remember, \ If she weeps, to weep too: take your cue \ From her every expression.
Suppose she's playing a board game, \ Then throw the dice carelessly, move \
Your pieces all wrong. . . . \ Don't jib at a slavish task like holding \ Her
mirror: slavish or not, such attentions please. . . . -OVID, THE ART OF LOVE.
TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN addicted to you and grow dependent on you. On a mass
level, make gestures of self-sacrifice (no matter how fake) to show the public
that you share their pain and are working in their interest, self-interest
being the public form of egotism. Disraeli was asked to dinner, and came in
green velvet trousers, with a canary waistcoat, buckle shoes, and lace cuffs.
His appearance at first proved disquieting, but on leaving the table the guests
remarked to each other that the wittiest talker at the luncheon-party was the
man in the yellow waistcoat. Benjamin had made great advances in social
conversation since the days of Murray's dinners. Faithful to his method, he
noted the stages: "Do not talk too much at present; do not try to talk.
But whenever you speak, speak with self-possession. Speak in a subdued tone,
and always look at the person whom you are addressing. Before one can engage in
general conversation with any effect, there is a certain acquaintance with
trifling but amusing subjects which must be first attained. You will soon pick
up sufficient by listening and observing. Never argue. In society nothing must
be discussed; give only results. If any person differ from you, bow turn the
conversation. In society never think; always be on the watch, or you will miss
many and say many disagreeable things. Talk to women, talk to women as much as
you can. This is the best school. This is the way to gain fluency, because you
need not care what you say, and had better not be sensible. They, too, will rally
you on many points, Be a source of pleasure. No one wants to hear about your
problems and troubles. Listen to your targets' complaints, but more important,
distract them from their problems by giving them pleasure. (Do this often
enough and they will fall under your spell.) Being lighthearted and fun is
always more charming than being serious and critical. An energetic presence is
likewise more charming than lethargy, which hints at boredom,an enormous social
taboo; and elegance and style will usually win out over vulgarity, since most
people like to associate themselves with whatever they think elevated and
cultured. In politics, provide illusion and myth rather than reality. Instead
of asking people to sacrifice for the greater good, talk of grand moral issues.
An appeal that makes people feel good will translate into votes and power.
Bring antagonism into harmony. The court is a cauldron of resentment and envy,
where the sourness of a single brooding Cassius can quickly turn into a
conspiracy. The Charmer knows how to smooth out conflict. Never stir up
antagonisms that will prove immune to your charm; in the face of those who are
aggressive, retreat, let them have their little victories. Yielding and
indulgence will charm the fight out of any potential enemies. Never criticize
people overtly-that will make them insecure, and resistant to change. Plant
ideas, insinuate suggestions. Charmed by your diplomatic skills, people will
not notice your growing power. Lull your victims into ease and comfort. Charm is
like the hypnotist's trick with the swinging watch: the more relaxed the
target, the easier it is to bend him or her to your will. The key to making
your victims feel comfortable is to mirror them, adapt to their moods. People
are narcissists- they are drawn to those most similar to themselves. Seem to
share their values and tastes, to understand their spirit, and they will fall
under your spell. This works particularly well if you are an outsider: showing
that you share the values of your adopted group or country (you have learned
their language, you prefer their customs, etc.) is immensely charming, since
for you this preference is a choice, not a question of birth. Never pester or
be overly persistent-these uncharming qualities will disrupt the relaxation you
need to cast your spell. Show calm and self-possession in the face of
adversity. Adversity and setbacks actually provide the perfect setting for
charm. Showing a calm, un- mffled exterior in the face of unpleasantness puts
people at ease. You seem patient, as if waiting for destiny to deal you a
better card-or as if you were confident you could charm the Fates themselves.
Never show anger, ill temper, or vengefulness, all disruptive emotions that
will make people defensive. In the politics of large groups, welcome adversity
as a chance to show the charming qualities of magnanimity and poise. Let others
get flutered and upset-the contrast will redound to your favor. Never whine,
never complain, never try to justify yourself. Make yourself useful. If done
subtly, your ability to enhance the lives of others will be devilishly
seductive. Your social skills will prove important here: creating a wide
network of allies will give you the power to link people up with each other,
which will make them feel that by knowing you they can make their lives easier.
This is something no one can resist. Follow-through is key: so many people will
charm by promising a person great things-a better job, a new contact, a big
favor-but if they do not follow through they make enemies instead of friends.
Anyone can make a promise; what sets you apart, and makes you charming, is your
ability to come through in the end, following up your promise with a definite
action. Conversely, if someone does you a favor, show your gratitude concretely.
In a world of bluff and smoke, real action and true helpfulness are perhaps the
ultimate charm. Examples of Charmers 1. In the early 1870s, Queen Victoria of
England had reached a low point in her life. Her beloved husband. Prince
Albert, had died in 1861, leaving her more than grief stricken. In all of her
decisions she had relied on his advice; she was too uneducated and
inexperienced to do otherwise, or so everyone made her feel. In fact, with
Albert's death, political discussions and policy issues had come to bore her to
tears. Now Victoria gradually withdrew from the public eye. As a result, the
monarchy became less popular and therefore
lesspowerful.In1874,theConservativeParty came to power, and its leader, the
seventy-year-old Benjamin Disraeli, became prime minister. The protocol of his
accession to his seat demanded that he come to the palace for a private meeting
with the queen, who was fifty-five at the time. Two more unlikely associates
could not be imagined: Disraeli, who was Jewish by birth, had dark skin and
exotic features by English standards; as a young man he had been a dandy, his
dress bordering on the flamboyant, and he had written popular novels that were
romantic or even Gothic in style. The queen, on the other hand, was dour and
stubborn, formal in manner and simple in and as they are women you will not be
offended. Nothing is of so much importance and of so much use to a young man
entering life as to be well criticised by women." -ANDRE MAUROIS,
DISRAELI. TRANSLATED BY HAMISH MILES You know what charm is: a way of getting
the answer yes without having asked any clear question. -ALBERT CAMUS A speech
that carries its audience along with it and is applauded is often less
suggestive simply because it is clear that it sets out to be persuasive. People
talking together influence each other in close proximity by means of the tone
of voice they adopt and the way they look at each other and not only by the
kind of
language
they use. We are right to call a good conversationalist a charmer in the
magical sense of the word. -GUSTAVE TARDE, L'OPINION ET LA FOULE. QUOTED IN
SERGE MOSCOVICI, THE AGE OF THE CROWD Wax, a substance naturally hard and
brittle, can be made soft by the application of a little warmth, so that it
will take any shape you please. In the same way, by being polite andfriendly,
you can make people pliable and obliging, even though they are apt to be
crabbed and malevolent. Hence politeness is to human nature what warmth is to
wax. - ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER, COUNSELS AND MAXIMS, TRANSLATED BY T. BAILEY
SAUNDERS Never explain. Never complain. -BENJAMIN DISRAELI taste. To please
her, Disraeli was advised, he should curb his natural elegance; but he
disregarded what everyone had told him and appeared before her as a gallant
prince, falling to one knee, taking her hand, and kissing it, saying, "I
plight my troth to the kindest of mistresses." Disraeli pledged that his
work now was to realize Victoria's dreams. He praised her qualities so
fulsomely that she blushed; yet strangely enough, she did not find him comical
or offensive, but came out of the encounter smiling. Perhaps she should give
this strange man a chance, she thought, and she waited to see what he would do
next. Victoria soon began receiving reports from Disraeli-on parliamentary
debates, policy issues, and so forth-that were unlike anything other ministers
had written. Addressing her as the "Faery Queen," and giving the
monarchy's various enemies all kinds of villainous code names, he filled his
notes with gossip. In a note about a new cabinet member, Disraeli wrote,
"He is more than six feet four inches in stature; like St. Peter's at Rome
no one is at first aware of his dimensions. But he has the sagacity of the
elephant as well as its form." The minister's blithe, informal spirit
bordered on disrespect, but the queen was enchanted. She read his reports
voraciously, and almost without her realizing it, her interest in politics was
rekindled. At the start of their relationship, Disraeli sent the queen all of
his novels as a gift. She in return presented him with the one book she had
written. Journal of Our Life in the Highlands. From then on he would toss out
in his letters and conversations with her the phrase, "We authors."
The queen would beam with pride. She would overhear him praising her to others-
her ideas, common sense, and feminine instincts, he said, made her the equal of
Elizabeth I. He rarely disagreed with her. At meetings with other ministers, he
would suddenly turn and ask her for advice. In 1875, when Disraeli managed
tofinagle the purchase of the Suez Canal from the debt- ridden khedive of
Egypt, he presented his accomplishment to the queen as if it were a realization
of her own ideas about expanding the British Empire. She did not realize the
cause, but her confidence was growing by leaps and bounds. Victoria once sent
flowers to her prime minister. He later returned the favor, sending primroses,
a flower so ordinary that some recipients might have been insulted; but his
gift came with a note: "Of all the flowers, the one that retains its
beauty longest, is sweet primrose." Disraeli was enveloping Victoria in a
fantasy atmosphere in which everything was a metaphor, and the simplicity of
the flower of course symbolized the queen-and also the relationship between the
two leaders. Victoria fell for the bait; primroses were soon her favorite
flower. In fact everything Disraeli did now met with her approval. She allowed
him to sit in her presence, an unheard- of privilege. The two began to exchange
valentines every February. The queen would ask people what Disraeli had said at
a party; when he paid a little too much attention to Empress Augusta of
Germany, she grew jealous. The courtiers wondered what had happened to the
stubborn, formal woman they had known-she was acting like an infatuated girl.
In 1876, Disraeli steered through Parliament a bill declaring Queen Victoria a
"Queen-Empress." The queen was beside herself with joy. Out of
gratitude and certainly love, she elevated this Jewish dandy and novelist to
the peerage, making him Earl of Beaconsfield, the realization of a lifelong
dream. Disraeli knew how deceptive appearances can be: people were always
judging him by his face and by his clothes, and he had learned never to do the
same to them. So he was not deceived by Queen Victoria's dour, sober exterior.
Beneath it, he sensed, was a woman who yearned for a man to appeal to her
feminine side, a woman who was affectionate, warm, even sexual. The extent to
which this side of Victoria had been repressed merely revealed the strength of
the feelings he would stir once he melted her reserve. Disraeli's approach was
to appeal to two aspects of Victoria's personality that other people had
squashed: her confidence and her sexuality. He was a master at flattering a
person's ego. As one English princess remarked, "When I left the dining
room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in
England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest
woman in England." Disraeli worked his magic with a delicate touch,
insinuating an atmosphere of amusement and relaxation, particularly in relation
to politics. Once the queen's guard was down, he made that mood a little
warmer, a little more suggestive, subtly sexual- though of course without overt
flirtation. Disraeli made Victoria feel desirable as a woman and gifted as a
monarch. How could she resist? How could she deny him anything? Our
personalities are often molded by how we are treated: if a parent or spouse is
defensive or argumentative in dealing with us, we tend to respond the same way.
Never mistake people's exterior characteristics for reality, for the character
they show on the surface may be merely a reflection of the people with whom
they have been most in contact, or a front disguising its own opposite. A gruff
exterior may hide a person dying for warmth; a repressed, sober-looking type
may actually be struggling to conceal uncontrollable emotions. That is the key
to charm-feeding what has been repressed or denied. By indulging the queen, by
making himself a source of pleasure, Disraeli was able to soften a woman who
had grown hard and cantankerous. Indulgence is a powerful tool of seduction: it
is hard to be angry or defensive with someone who seems to agree with your opinions
and tastes. Charmers may appear to be weaker than their targets but in the end
they are the more powerful side because they have stolen the ability to resist.
2. In 1971, the American financier andDemocratic Party power-playerAverell
Harriman saw his life drawing to a close. He was seventy-nine, his wife of many
years, Marie, had just died, and with the Democrats out of office Ms political
career seemed over. Feeling old and depressed, he resigned himself to spending
his last years with Ms grandchildren in quiet retirement. A few months after
Marie's death, Harriman was talked into attending a Washington party. There he
met an old friend, Pamela ChurcMll, whom he had known during World War II, in
London, where he had been sent as a personal envoy of President Franklin D.
Roosevelt. She was twenty-one at the time, and was the wife of Winston
Churchill's son Randolph. There had certainly been more beautiful women in the
city, but none had been more pleasant to be around: she was so attentive,
listening to Ms problems, befriending Ms daughter (they were the same age), and
calming him whenever he saw her. Marie had remained in the States, and Randolph
was in the army, so wMle bombs rained on London Averell and Pamela had begun an
affair. And in the many years since the war, she had kept in touch with Mm: he
knew about the breakup of her marriage, and about her endless series of affairs
with Europe's wealthiest playboys. Yet he had not seen her since Ms return to
America, and to Ms wife. What a strange coincidence to run into her at this
particular moment in Ms life. At the party Pamela pulled Harriman out of his
shell, laughing at Ms jokes and getting him to talk about London in the glory
days of the war. He felt Ms old power returning-it was as if he were charming
her. A few days later she dropped in on him at one of Ms weekend homes.
Harriman was one of the wealthiest men in the world, but was no lavish spender;
he and Marie had lived a Spartan life. Pamela made no comment, but when she
invited him to her own home, he could not help but notice the brightness and
vibrancy of her life-flowers everywhere, beautiful linens on the bed, wonderful
meals (she seemed to know all of Ms favorite foods). He had heard of her
reputation as a courtesan and understood the lure of Ms wealth, yet being
around her was invigorating, and eight weeks after that party, he married her.
Pamela did not stop there. She persuaded her husband to donate the art that
Marie had collected to the National Gallery. She got him to part with some of Ms
money-a trust fund for her son Winston, new houses, constant redecorations. Her
approach was subtle and patient; she made him somehow feel good about giving
her what she wanted. Within a few years, hardly any traces of Marie remained in
their life. Harriman spent less time with Ms childrenandgrandchildren. He
seemed to be going through a second youth. In Washington, politicians and their
wives viewed Pamela with suspicion. They saw through her, and were immune to
her charm, or so they thought. Yet they always came to the frequent parties she
hosted, justifying themselves with the thought that powerful people would be
there. Everything at these parties was calibrated to create a relaxed,
intimateatmosphere. No one felt ignored: the least important people would find
themselves talking to Pamela, opening up to that attentive look of hers. She
made them feel powerful and respected. Afterward she would send them a personal
note or gift, often referring to something they had mentioned in conversation.
The wives who had called her a courtesan and worse slowly changed their minds.
The men found her not only beguiling but useful- her worldwide contacts were
invaluable. She could put them in touch with exactly the right person without
them even having to ask. The Harrimans' parties soon evolved into fundraising
events for the Democratic Party. Put at their ease, feeling elevated by the
aristocratic atmosphere Pamela created and the sense of importance she gave
them, visitors would empty their wallets without realizing quite why. This, of
course, was exactly what all the men in her life had done. In 1986, Averell
Harriman died. By then Pamela was powerful and wealthy enough that she no
longer needed a man. In 1993, she was named the U.S. ambassador to France, and
easily transferred her personal and social charm into the world of political
diplomacy. She was still working when she died, in 1997. We often recognize
Charmers as such; we sense their cleverness. (Surely Harriman must have
realized that his meeting with Pamela Churchill in 1971 was no coincidence.)
Nevertheless, we fall under their spell. The reason is simple: the feeling that
Charmers provide is so rare as to be worth the price we pay. The world is full
of self-absorbed people. In their presence, we know that everything in our
relationship with them is directed toward themselves- their insecurities, their
neediness, their hunger for attention. That reinforces our own egocentric
tendencies; we protectively close ourselves up. It is a syndrome that only
makes us the more helpless with Charmers. First, they don't talk much about
themselves, which heightens their mystery and disguises their limitations.
Second, they seem to be interested in us, and their interest is so delightfully
focused that we relax and open up to them. Finally, Charmers are pleasant to be
around. They have none of most people's ugly qualities-nagging, complaining,
self-assertion. They seem to know what pleases. Theirs is a diffused warmth;
union without sex. (You may think a geisha is sexual as well as charming; her
power, however, lies not in the sexual favors she provides but in her rare
self-effacing attentiveness.) Inevitably, we become addicted, and dependent.
And dependence is the source of the Charmer's power. People who are physically
beautiful, and who play on their beauty to create a sexually charged presence,
have little power in the end; the bloom of youth fades, there is always someone
younger and more beautiful, and in any case people tire of beauty without
social grace. But they never tire of feeling their self-worth validated. Leam
the power you can wield by making the other person feel like the star. The key
is to diffuse your sexual presence: create a vaguer, more beguiling sense of
excitement through a generalized flirtation, a socialized sexuality that is
constant, addictive, and never totally satisfied. 3. In December of 1936,
Chiang Kai-shek, leader of the Chinese Nationalists, was captured by a group of
his own soldiers who were angry with his policies: instead of fighting the
Japanese, who had just invaded China, he was continuing his civil war against
the Communist armies of Mao Zedong. The soldiers saw no threat in Mao-Chiang
had almost annhilated the Communists. In fact, they believed he should join
forces with Mao against the common enemy-it was the only patriotic thing to do.
The soldiers thought by capturing him they could compel Chiang to change his
mind, but he was a stubborn man. Since Chiang was the main impediment to a
unified war against the Japanese, the soldiers contemplated having him
executed, or turned over to the Communists. As Chiang lay in prison, he could
only imagine the worst. Several days later he received a visit from Zhou
Enlai-a former friend and now a leading Communist. Politely and respectfully,
Zhou argued for a united front: Communists and Nationalists against the
Japanese. Chiang could not begin to hear such talk; he hated the Communists
with a passion, and became hopelessly emotional. To sign an agreement with the
Communists in these circumstances, he yelled, would be humiliating, and would
lose me all honor among my own army. It's out of the question. Kill me if you
must. Zhou listened, smiled, said barely a word. As Chiang's rant ended he told
the Nationalist general that a concern for honor was something he understood,
but that the honorable thing for them to do was actually to forget their
differences and fight the invader. Chiang could lead both armies. Finally, Zhou
said that under no circumstances would he allow his fellow Communists, or anyone
for that matter, to execute such a great man as Chiang Kai-shek. The
Nationalist leader was stunned and moved.The next day, Chiang was escorted out
of prison by Communist guards, transferred to one of his own army's planes, and
sent back to his own headquarters. Apparently Zhou had executed this policy on
his own, for when word of it reached the other Communist leaders, they were
outraged: Zhou should have forced Chiang to fight the Japanese, or else should
have ordered his execution-to release him without concessions was the height of
pusillanimity, and Zhou would pay. Zhou said nothing and waited. A few months
later, Chiang signed an agreement to halt the civil war and join with the
Communists against the Japanese. He seemed to have come to his decision on his
own, and his army respected it-they could not doubt his motives. Working
together, the Nationalists and the Communists expelled the Japanese from China.
But the Communists, whom Chiang had previously almost destroyed, took advantage
of this period of collaboration to regain strength. Once the Japanese had left,
they turned on the Nationalists, who, in 1949, were forced to evacuate mainland
China for the island of Formosa, now Taiwan. Now Mao paid a visit to the Soviet
Union. China was in terrible shape and in desperate need of assistance, but
Stalin was wary of theChinese, and lectured Mao about the many mistakes he had
made. Mao argued back. Stalin decided to teach the young upstart a lesson; he
would give China nothing. Tempers rose. Mao sent urgently for Zhou Enlai who
arrived the next day and went right to work. In the long negotiating sessions,
Zhou made a show of enjoying his hosts' vodka. He never argued, and in fact
agreed that the Chinese had made many mistakes, had much to learn from the more
experienced Soviets: "Comrade Stalin," he said, "we are the
first large Asian country tojoin the socialist camp under your guidance."
Zhou had come prepared with all kinds of neatly drawn diagrams and charts,
knowing the Russians loved such things. Stalin warmed up to him. The
negotiations proceeded, and a few days after Zhou's arrival, the two parties
signed a treaty of mutual aid- a treaty far more useful to the Chinese than to
the Soviets. In 1959, China was again in deep trouble. Mao's Great Leap Forward,
an attempt to spark an overnight industrial revolution in China, had been a
devastating failure. The people were angry: they were starving while Beijing
bureaucrats lived well. Many Beijing officials, Zhou among them, returned to
their native towns to try to bring order. Most of them managed by bribes-by
promising all kinds of favors-but Zhou proceeded differently: he visited his
ancestral graveyard, where generations of his familywere buried, and ordered
that the tombstones be removed and the coffins buried deeper. Now the land
could be farmed for food. In Confucian terms (and Zhou was an obedient
Confucian), this was sacrilege, but everyone knew what it meant: Zhou was
willing to suffer personally. Everyone had to sacrifice, even the leaders. His
gesture had immense symbolic impact. When Zhou died, in 1976, an unofficial and
unorganized outpouring of public grief caught the government by surprise. They
could not understand how a man who had worked behind the scenes, and had
shunned the adoration of the masses, could have won such affection. The capture
of Chiang Kai-shek was a turning point in the civil war. To execute him might
have been disastrous: it had been Chiang who had held the Nationalist army
together, and without him it could have broken up into factions, allowing the
Japanese to overrun the country. To force him to sign an agreement would have
not helped either: he would have lost face before his army, would never have
honored the agreement, and would have done everything he could to avenge his
humiliation. Zhou knew that to execute or compel a captive will only embolden
your enemy, and will have repercussions you cannot control. Charm, on the other
hand, is a manipulative weapon that disguises its own manipulativeness, letting
you gain a victory without stirring the desire for revenge. Zhou worked on
Chiang perfectly, paying him respect, playing the inferior, letting him pass
from the fear of execution to the relief of unexpected release. The general was
allowed to leave with his dignity intact. Zhou knew all this would soften him
up, planting the seed of the idea that perhaps the Communists were not so bad
after all, and that he could change Ms mind about them without looking weak,
particularly if he did so independently rather than while he was in prison.
Zhou applied the same philosophy to every situation: play the inferior,
unthreatening and humble. What will this matter if in the end you get what you
want: time to recover from a civil war, a treaty, the good will of the masses.
Time is the greatest weapon you have. Patiently keep in mind a longterm goal
and neither person nor army can resist you. And charm is the best way of
playing for time, of widening your options in any situation. Through charm you
can seduce your enemy into backing off, giving you the psychological space to
plot an effective counterstrategy. The key is to make other people emotional
while you remain detached. They may feel grateful, happy, moved, arrogant-it
doesn't matter, as long as they feel. An
emotional
person is a distracted person. Give them what they want, appeal to their
self-interest, make them feel superior to you. When a baby has grabbed a sharp
kmfe, do not try to grab it back; instead, stay calm, offer candy, and the baby
will drop the kmfe to pick up the tempting morsel you offer. 4. In 1761,
Empress Elizabeth of Russia died, and her nephew ascended to the throne as Czar
Peter III. Peter had always been a little boy at heart-he played with toy
soldiers long past the appropriate age-and now, as czar, he could finally do
whatever he pleased and the world be damned. Peter concluded a treaty with
Frederick the Great that was Mghly favorable to the foreign ruler (Peter adored
Frederick, and particularly the disciplined way Ms Prussian soldiers marched).
This was a practical debacle, but in matters of emotion and etiquette, Peter
was even more offensive: he refused to properly mourn Ms aunt the empress,
resuming his war games and parties a few days after the funeral. What a
contrast he was to Ms wife, Catherine. She was respectful during the funeral,
was still wearing black months later, and could be seen at all hours beside
Elizabeth's tomb, praying and crying. She was not even Russian, but a German
princess who had come east to marry Peter in 1745 without speaking a word of
the language. Even the lowest peasant knew that Catherine had converted to the
Russian Orthodox Church, and had learned to speak Russian with incredible
speed, and beautifully. At heart, they thought, she was more Russian than all
of those fops in the court. During these difficult months, wMle Peter offended
almost everyone in the country, Catherine discreetly kept a lover, Gregory
Orlov, a lieutenant in the guards. It was through Orlov that word spread of her
piety, her patriotism, her worthiness for rule; how much better to follow such
a woman than to serve Peter. Late into the night, Catherine and Orlov would
talk, and he would tell her the army was behind her and would urge her to stage
a coup. She would listen attentively, but would always reply that tMs was not
the time for such things. Orlov wondered to himself: perhaps she was too gentle
and passive for such a great step. Peter's regime was repressive, and the
arrests and executions piled up. He also grew more abusive toward his wife, threatening
to divorce her and marry his mistress. One drunken evening, driven to
distraction by Catherine's silence and his inability to provoke her, he ordered
her arrest. The news spread fast and Orlov hurried to warn Catherine that she
would be imprisoned or executed unless she acted fast. This time Catherine did
not argue; she put on her simplest mourning gown, left her hair half undone,
followed Orlov to a waiting carriage, and rushed to the army barracks. Here the
soldiers fell to the ground, kissing the hem of her dress-they had heard so
much about her but had never seen her in person, and she seemed to them like a
statue of the Madonna come to life. They gave her an army uniform, marveling at
how beautiful she looked in men's clothes, and set off under Orlov's command
for the Winter Palace. The procession grew as it passed through the streets of
St. Petersburg. Everyone applauded Catherine, everyone felt that Peter should
be dethroned. Soon priests arrived to give Catherine their blessing, making the
people even more excited. And through it all, she was silent and dignified, as
if all were in the hands of fate. When news reached Peter of this peaceful
rebellion, he grew hysterical, and agreed to abdicate that very night.
Catherine became empress without a single battle or even a single gunshot. As a
child, Catherine was intelligent and spirited. Since her mother had wanted a
daughter who was obedient rather than dazzling, and who would therefore make a
better match, the child was subjected to a constant barrage of criticism,
against which she developed a defense: she learned to seem to defer to other
people totally as a way to neutralize their aggression. If she was patient and
did not force the issue, instead of attacking her they would fall under her spell.
When Catherine came to Russia-at the age of sixteen, without a friend or ally
in the country-she applied the skills she had learned in dealing with her
difficult mother. In the face of all the court monsters- the imposing Empress
Elizabeth, her own infantile husband, the endless schemers and betrayers-she
curtseyed, deferred, waited, and charmed. She had long wanted to rule as
empress, and knew how hopeless her husband was. But what good would it do to
seize power violently, laying a claim that some would certainly see as
illegitimate, and then have to worry endlessly that she would be dethroned in
turn? No, the moment had to be ripe, and she had to make the people carry her
into power. It was a feminine style ofrevolution: by being passive and patient,
Catherine suggested that she had no interest in power. The effect was
soothing-charming. There will always be difficult people for us to face-the
chronically insecure, the hopelessly stubborn, the hysterical complainers. Your
ability to disarm these people will prove an invaluable skill. You do have to
be careful, though: if you are passive they will run all over you; if assertive
you will make their monstrous qualities worse. Seduction and charm are the most
effective counterweapons. Outwardly, be gracious. Adapt to their every mood.
Enter their spirit. Inwardly, calculate and wait: your surrender is a strategy,
not a way of life. When the time comes, and it inevitably will, the tables will
turn. Their aggression will land them in trouble, and that will put you in a
position to rescue them, regaining superiority. (You could also decide that you
had had enough, and consign them to oblivion.) Your charm has prevented them
from foreseeing this or growing suspicious. A whole revolution can be enacted
without a single act of violence, simply by waiting for the apple to ripen and
fall. Symbol: The Mirror. Your spirit holds a mirror up to others. When they
see you they see themselves: their values, their tastes, even their flaws.
Their lifelong love affair with their own image is comfortable and hypnotic; so
feed it. No one ever sees what is behind the mirror. Dangers T here are those
who are immune to a Charmer; particularly cynics, and confident types who do
not need validation. These people tend to view Charmers as slippery and
deceitful, and they can make problems for you. The solution is to do what most
Charmers do by nature: befriend and charm as many people as possible. Secure
your power through numbers and you will not have to worry about the few you
cannot seduce. Catherine the Great's kindness to everyone she met created a
vast amount ofgood will that paid off later. Also, it is sometimes charming to
reveal a strategic flaw. There is one person you dislike? Confess it openly, do
not try to charm such an enemy, and people will think you more human, less
slippery. Disraeli had such a scapegoat with his great nemesis, William
Gladstone. The dangers of political charm are harder to handle; your
conciliatory, shifting, flexible approach to politics will make enemies out of
everyone who is a rigid believer in a cause. Social seducers such as Bill
Clinton and Henry Kissinger could often win over the most hardened opponent
with their personal charm, but they could not be everywhere at once. Many
members of the English Parliament thought Disraeli a shifty conniver; in person
his engaging manner could dispel such feelings, but he could not address the
entire Parliament one-on-one. In difficult times, when people yearn for
something substantial and firm, the political charmer may be in danger. As
Catherine the Great proved, timing is everything. Charmers must know when to
hibernate and when the times are ripe for their persuasive powers. Known for
their flexibility, they should sometimes be flexible enough to act inflexibly. Zhou
Enlai, the consummate chameleon, could play the hard-core Communist when it
suited him. Never become the slave to your own powers of charm; keep it under
control, something you can turn off and on at will. Charisma is a presence that
excites us. It comes from an inner quality - self-confidence, sexual energy,
sense ofpurpose, contentment-that most people lack and want. This quality
radiates outward, permeating the gestures of Charismatics, making them seem
extraordinary and superior, and making us imagine there is more to them than
meets the eye: they are gods, saints, stars. Charismatics can learn to heighten
their charisma with a piercing gaze, fiery oratory, an air of mystery. They can
seduce on a grand scale. Learn to create the charismatic illusion by radiating
intensity while remaining detached. Charisma and Seduction C harisma is
seduction on a mass level. Charismatics make crowds of people fall in love with
them, then lead them along. The process of making them fall in love is simple
and follows a path similar to that of a one-on-one seduction. Charismatics have
certain qualities that are powerfully attractive and that make them stand out.
This could be their selfbelief, their boldness, their serenity. They keep the
source of these qualities mysterious. They do not explain where their
confidence or contentment comes from, but it can be felt by everyone; it
radiates outward, without the appearance of conscious effort. The face of the
Charismatic is usually animated,full of energy, desire, alertness-the look of a
lover, one that is instantly appealing, even vaguely sexual. We happily follow
Charismatics because we like to be led, particularly by people who promise
adventure or prosperity. We lose ourselves in their cause, become emotionally
attached to them, feel more alive by believing in them-we fall in love.
Charisma plays on repressed sexuality, creates an erotic charge. Yet the
origins of the word lie not in sexuality but in religion, and religion remains
deeply embedded in modern charisma. Thousands of years ago, people believed in
gods and spirits, but few could ever say that they had witnessed a miracle, a
physical demonstration of divine power. A man, however, who seemed possessed by
a divine spirit-speaking in tongues, ecstatic raptures, the expression of
intense visions-would stand out as one whom the gods had singled out. And this
man, a priest or a prophet, gained great power over others. What made the
Hebrews believe in Moses, follow him out of Egypt, and remain loyal to him
despite their endless wandering in the desert? The look in his eye, his
inspired and inspiring words, the face that literally glowed when he came down
from Mount Sinai-all these things gave him the appearance of having direct
communication with God, and were the source of his authority. And these were
what was meant by "charisma," a Greek word referring to prophets and
to Christ himself. In early Christianity, charisma was a gift or talent
vouchsafed by God's grace and revealing His presence. Most of the great
religions were founded by a Charismatic, a person who physically displayed the
signs of God's favor. Over the years, the world became more rational.
Eventually people came to hold power not by divine right but because they won
votes, or proved their competence. The great early-twentieth-century German
soci- "Charisma" shall be understood to refer to an extraordinary
quality of a person, regardless of whether this quality is actual, alleged or
presumed. "Charismatic authority," hence, shall refer to a rule over
men, whether predominately extern l or predominately internal, to which the
governed submit because of their belief in the extraordinary quality of the
specific person. -MAX WEBER, FROM MAX WEBER: ESSAYS IN SOCIOLOGY. EDITED BY
HANS GERTH AND C. WRIGHT MILLS And the Lord said to Moses, "Write these
words; in accordance with these words I have made a covenant with you and with
Israel." And he was there with the Lordforty days and forty nights; he
neither ate bread nor drank water. And he wrote upon the tables the words of
the covenant, the ten commandments. When Moses came down from Mount Sinai, with
the two tables of the testimony in his hand as he came down from the mountain,
Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because he had been talking
with God. And when Aaron and all the people of Israel saw Moses, behold, the
skin of his face shone, and they were afraid to come near him. But Moses called
to them; and Aaron and all the leaders of the congregation returned to him, and
Moses talked them. And afterward all the people of Israel came near, and he
gave them in commandment all that the Lord had spoken with him in Mount Sinai.
And when Moses had finished speaking with them, he put a veil on his face; but
whenever Moses went in before the Lord to speak with him, he took the veil off,
until he came out; and when he came out, and told the people of Israel what he
was commanded, the people of Israel saw the face of Moses, that the skin of
Moses's face shone; and Moses would put the veil upon his face again, until he
went in to speak with him. -EXODUS 34:27 OLD TESTAMENT ologist Max Weber,
however, noticed that despite our supposed progress, there were more
Charismatics than ever. What characterized a modern Charismatic, according to
Weber, was the appearance of an extraordinary quality in their character, the
equivalent of a sign of God's favor. How else to explain the power of a
Robespierre or a Lenin? More than anything it was the force of their magnetic
personalities that made these men stand out and was the source of their power.
They did not speak of God but of a great cause, visions of a future society.
Their appeal was emotional; they seemed possessed. And their audiences reacted
as euphorically as earlier audiences had to a prophet. When Lenin died, in
1924, a cult formed around his memory, transforming the communist leader into a
deity. Today, anyone who has presence, who attracts attention when he or she
enters a room, is said to possess charisma. But even these less-exalted types
reveal a trace of the quality suggested by the word's original meaning. Their
charisma is mysterious and inexplicable, never obvious. They have an unusual
confidence. They have a gift-often a smoothness with language-that makes them
stand out from the crowd. They express a vision. We may not realize it, but in
their presence we have a kind of religious experience: we believe in these
people, without having any rational evidence for doing so. When trying to
concoct an effect of charisma, never forget the religious source of its power.
You must radiate an inward quality that has a saintly or spiritual edge to it.
Your eyes must glow with the fire of a prophet. Your charisma must seem
natural, as if it came from something mysteriously beyond your control, a gift
of the gods. In our rational, disenchanted world, people crave a religious
experience, particularly on a group level. Any sign of charisma plays to this
desire to believe in something. And there is nothing more seductive than giving
people something to believe in and follow. Charisma must seem mystical, but that
does not mean you cannot learn certain tricks that will enhance the charisma
you already possess, or will give you the outward appearance of it. The
following are basic qualities that will help create the illusion of charisma:
Purpose. If people believe you have a plan, that you know where you are going,
they will follow you instinctively. The direction does not matter: pick a
cause, an ideal, a vision and show that you will not sway from your goal.
People will imagine that your confidence comes from somethingreal--just as the
ancient Hebrews believed Moses was in communion with God, simply because he
showed the outward signs. Purposefulness is doubly charismatic in times of
trouble. Since most people hesitate before taking bold action (even when action
is what is required), single-minded self-assurance will make you the focus of
attention. People will believe in you through the simple force of your
character. When Franklin Delano Roosevelt came to power amidst the Depression,
much of the public had little faith he could turn things around. But in his
first few months in office he displayed such confidence, such decisiveness and
clarity in dealing with the country's many problems, that the public began to
see him as their savior, someone with intense charisma. Mystery. Mystery lies
at charisma's heart, but it is a particular kind of mystery-a mystery expressed
by contradiction. The Charismatic may be both proletarian and aristocratic (Mao
Zedong), both cruel and kind (Peter the Great), both excitable and icily
detached (Charles de Gaulle), both intimate and distant (Sigmund Freud). Since
most people are predictable, the effect of these contradictions is
devastatingly charismatic. They make you hard to fathom, add richness to your
character, make people talk about you. It is often better to reveal your
contradictions slowly and subtly-if you throw them out one on top of the other,
people may think you have an erratic personality. Show your mysteriousness
gradually and word will spread. You must also keep people at arm's length, to
keep them from figuring you out. Another aspect of mystery is a hint of the
uncanny. The appearance of prophetic or psychic gifts will add to your aura.
Predict things authoritatively and people will often imagine that what you have
said hascome true. Saintliness. Most of us must compromise constantly to
survive; saints do not. They must live out their ideals without caring about
the consequences. The saintly effect bestows charisma. Saintliness goes far
beyond religion: politicians as disparate as George Washington and Lenin won
saintly reputations by living simply, despite their power-by matching their
political values to their personal lives. Both men were virtually deified after
they died. Albert Einstein too had a saintly aura-childlike, unwilling to
compromise, lost in his own world. The key is that you must already have some
deeply held values; that part cannot be faked, at least not without risking
accusations of charlatanry that will destroy your charisma in the long run. The
next step is to show, as simply and subtly as possible, that you live what you
believe. Finally, the appearance of being mild and unassuming can eventually
turn into charisma, as long as you seem completely comfortable with it. The
source of Harry Truman's charisma, and even of Abraham Lincoln's, was to appear
to be an Everyman. That devil of a man exercises a fascination on me that I
cannot explain even to myself and in such a degree that, though I fear neither
God nor devil, when I am in his presence I am ready to tremble like a child,
and he could make me go through the eye of a needle to throw myself into the
fire. -GENERAL VANDAMME, ON NAPOLEON BONAPARTE [The masses ] have never
thirsted after truth. They demand illusions, and cannot do without them. They constantly
give what is unreal precedence over what is real; they are almost as strongly
influenced by what is untrue as by what is true. They have an evident tendency
not to distinguish between the two. -SIGMUND FREUD, THSTANDARD EDITION OFTHE
COMPLETE PSYCHOLOGICAL WORKS OF SIGMUND FREUD. VOLUME 18 Eloquence. A
Charismatic relies on the power of words. The reason is simple: words are the
quickest way to create emotional disturbance. They can uplift, elevate, stir
anger, without referring to anything real. During the Spanish Civil War,
Dolores Gomez Ibarruri, known as La Pasionaria, gave pro-Communist speeches
that were so emotionally powerful as to determine several key moments in the
war. To bring off this kind of eloquence, it helps if the speaker is as emotional,
as caught up in words, as the audience is. Yet eloquence can be learned: the
devices La Pasionaria used- catchwords, slogans, rhythmic repetitions, phrases
for the audience to repeat-can easily be acquired. Roosevelt, a calm, patrician
type, was able to make himself a dynamic speaker, both through his style of
delivery, which was slow and hypnotic, and through his brilliant use of
imagery, alliteration, and biblical rhetoric. The crowds at his rallies were
often moved to tears. The slow, authoritative style is often more effective
than passion in the long run, for it is more subtly spellbinding, and less
tiring. Theatricality. A Charismatic is larger than life, has extra presence.
Actors have studied this kind of presence for centuries; they know how to stand
on a crowded stage and command attention. Surprisingly, it is not the actor who
screams the loudest or gestures the most wildly who works this magic best, but
the actor who stays calm, radiating self-assurance. The effect is ruined by
trying too hard. It is essential to be self-aware, to have the ability to see
yourself as others see you. De Gaulle understood that self-awareness was key to
his charisma; in the most turbulent circumstances-the Nazi occupation of
France, the national reconstruction after World War II, an army rebellion in
Algeria-he retained an Olympian composure that played beautifully against the
hysteria of his colleagues. When he spoke, no one could take their eyes off
him. Once you know how to command attention this way, heighten the effect by
appearing in ceremonial and ritual events that are full of exciting imagery,
making you look regal and godlike. Flamboyancy has nothing to do with
charisma-it attracts the wrong kind of attention. Uninhibitedness. Most people
are repressed, and have little access to their unconscious-a problem that
creates opportunities for the Charismatic, who can become a kind of screen on
which others project their secret fantasies and longings. You will first have
to show that you are less inhibited than your audience-that you radiate a
dangerous sexuality, have no fear of death, are delightfully spontaneous. Even
a hint of these qualities will make people think you more powerful than you
are. In the 1850s a bohemian American actress, Adah Isaacs Menken, took the
world by storm through her unbridled sexual energy, and her fearlessness. She
would appear on stage half-naked, performing death-defying acts; few women
could dare such things in the Victorian period, and a rather mediocre actress
became a figure of cultlike adoration. An extension of your being uninhibited
is a dreamlike quality in your work and character that reveals your openness to
your unconscious. It was the possession of this quality that transformed
artists like Wagner and Picasso into charismatic idols. Its cousin is a
fluidity of body and spirit; while the repressed are rigid, Charismatics have
an ease and an adaptability that show their openness to experience. Fervency.
You need to believe in something, and to believe in it strongly enough for it
to animate all your gestures and make your eyes light up. This cannot be faked.
Politicians inevitably lie to the public; what distinguishes Charismatics is
that they believe their own lies, which makes them that much more believable. A
prerequisite for fiery belief is some great cause to rally around-a crusade.
Become the rallying point for people's discontent, and show that you share none
of the doubts that plague normal humans. In 1490, the Florentine Girolamo
Savonarola railed at the immorality of the pope and the Catholic Church.
Claiming to be divinely inspired, he became so animated during his sermons that
hysteria would sweep the crowd. Savonarola developed such a following that he
briefly took over the city, until the pope had him captured and burned at the
stake. People believed in him because of the depth of his conviction. His
example has more relevance today than ever: people are more and more isolated,
and long for communal experience. Let your own fervent and contagious faith, in
virtually anything, give them something to believe in. Vulnerability.
Charismatics display a need for love and affection. They are open to their
audience, and in fact feed off its energy; the audience in turn is electrified
by the Charismatic, the current increasing as it passes back and forth. This
vulnerableside to charisma softens the self-confident side, which can seem
fanatical and frightening. Since charisma involves feelings akin to love, you
in turn must reveal your love for your followers. This was a key component to
the charisma that Marilyn Monroe radiated on camera. "I knew I belonged to
the Public," she wrote in her diary, "and to the world, not because I
was talented or even beautiful but because I had never belonged to anything or
anyone else. The Public was the only family, the only Prince Charming and the
only home I had ever dreamed of." In front of a camera, Monroe suddenly
came to life, flirting with and exciting her unseen public. If the audience
doesnot sense this quality in you they will turn away from you. On the other
hand, you must never seem manipulative or needy. Imagine your public as a
single person whom you are trying to seduce-nothing is more seductive to people
than the feeling that they are desired. Adventurousness. Charismatics are
unconventional. They have an air of adventure and risk that attracts the bored.
Be brazen and courageous in your actions-be seen taking risks for the good of
others. Napoleon made sure his soldiers saw him at the cannons in battle. Lenin
walked openly on the streets, despite the death threats he had received.
Charismatics thriveintroubledwaters;acrisissituationallowsthemtoflaunt their
daring, which enhances their aura. John F. Kennedy came to life in dealing with
the Cuban missile crisis, Charles de Gaulle when he confronted rebellion in 102
In such conditions, where half the battle was hand- to-hand, concentrated into
a small space, the spirit and example of the leader countedfor much. When we
remember this, it becomes easier to understand the astonishing dfect of Joan's
presence upon the French troops. Her position as a leader was a unique one. She
was not a professional soldier; she was not really a soldier at all; she was
not even a man. She was ignorant of war. She was a girl dressed up. But she believed,
and had made others willing to believe, that she was the mouthpiece of God. •
On Friday, April 29th, 1429, the news spread in Orleans that a force, led by
the Pucelle of Domremy, was on its way to the relief of the city, a piece of
news which, as the chronicler remarks, comforted them greatly.-VITA
SACKVILLE-WEST, SAINTJOAN OF ARC Algeria. They needed these problems to seem
charismatic, and in fact some have even accused them of stirring up situations
(Kennedy through his brinkmanship style of diplomacy, for instance) that played
to their love of adventure. Show heroism to give yourself a charisma that will
last you alifetime.Conversely, the slightest sign of cowardice or timidity will
ruin whatever charisma you had. Magnetism. If any physical attribute is crucial
in seduction, it is the eyes. They reveal excitement, tension, detachment,
without a word being spoken. Indirect communication is critical in seduction,
and also in charisma. The demeanor of Charismatics may be poised and calm, but
their eyes are magnetic; they have a piercing gaze that disturbs their targets'
emotions, exerting force without words or action. Fidel Castro's aggressive
gaze can reduce his opponents to silence. When Benito Mussolini was challenged,
he would roll his eyes, showing the whites in a way that frightened people.
President Kusnasosro Sukarno of Indonesia had a gaze that seemed as if it could
have read thoughts. Roosevelt could dilate his pupils at will, making his stare
both hypnotizing and intimidating. The eyes of the Charismatic never show fear
or nerves. All of these skills are acquirable. Napoleon spent hours in front of
a mirror, modeling his gaze on that of the great contemporary actor Talma. The
key is self-control. The look does not necessarily have to be aggressive; it
can also show contentment. Remember: your eyes can emanate charisma, but they
can also give you away as a faker. Do not leave such an important attribute to
chance. Practice the effect you desire. Genuine charisma thus means the ability
to internally generate and externally express extreme excitement, an ability
which makes one the object of intense attention and unre- flective imitation by
others. -LI AH GREENFIELD Charismatic Types-Historical Examples The miraculous
prophet. In the year 1425, Joan of Arc, a peasant girl from the French village
of Domremy, had her first vision: "I was in my thirteenth year when God
sent a voice to guide me." The voice was that of Saint Michael and he came
with a message from God: Joan had been chosen to rid France of the English
invaders who now ruled most of the country, and of the resulting chaos and war.
She was also to restore the French crown to the prince-the Dauphin, later
Charles VII-who was its rightful heir. Saint Catherine and Saint Margaret also
spoke to Joan. Her visions were extraordinarily vivid: she saw Saint Michael,
touched him, smelled him. The Charismatic • 103 At first Joan told no one what
she had seen; for all anyone knew, she was a quiet farm girl. But the visions
became even more intense, and so in 1429 she left Domremy, determined to
realize the mission for which God had chosen her. Her goal was to meet Charles
in the town of Chinon, where he had established his court in exile. The
obstacles were enormous: Chinon was far, thejourney was dangerous, and Charles,
even if she reached him, was a lazy and cowardly young man who was unlikely to
crusade against the English. Undaunted, she moved from village to village,
explaining her mission to soldiers and asking them to escort her to Chinon.
Young girls with religious visions were a dime a dozen at the time, and there
was nothing in Joan's appearance to inspire confidence; one soldier, however,
Jean de Metz, was intrigued with her. What fascinated him was the detail of her
visions: she would liberate the besieged town of Orleans, have the king crowned
at the cathedral in Reims, lead the army to Paris; she knew how she would be
wounded, and where; the words she attributed to Saint Michael were quite unlike
the language of a farm girl; and she was so calmly confident, she glowed with
conviction. De Metz fell under her spell. He swore allegiance and set out with
her for Chinon. Soon others offered assistance, too, and word reached Charles
of the strange young girl on her way to meet him.On the 350-mile road to
Chinon, accompanied only by a handful of soldiers, through a land infested with
warring bands, Joan showed neither fear nor hesitation. The journey took
several months. When she finally arrived, the Dauphin decided to meet the girl
who had promised to restore him to his throne, despite the adviceof his
counselors; but he was bored, and wanted amusement, and decided to play a trick
on her. She was to meet him in a hall packed with courtiers; to test her
prophetic powers, he disguised himself as one of these men, and dressed another
man as the prince. Yet when Joan arrived, to the amazement of the crowd, she
walked straight up to Charles and curtseyed: "The King of Heaven sends me
to you with the message that you shall be the lieutenant of the King of Heaven,
who is the king of France." In the talk that followed, Joan seemed to echo
Charles's most private thoughts, while once again recounting in extraordinary
detail the feats she would accomplish. Days later, this indecisive, flighty man
declared himself convinced and gave her his blessing to lead a French army
against the English. Miracles and saintliness aside, Joan of Arc had certain
basic qualities that made her exceptional. Her visions were intense; she could
describe them in such detail that they had to be real. Details have that
effect: they lend a sense of reality to even the most preposterous statements.
Furthermore, in a time of great disorder, she was supremely focused, as if her
strength came from somewhere unworldly. She spoke with authority, and she
predicted things people wanted: the English would be defeated, prosperity would
return. She also had a peasant's earthy common sense. She had surely heard
descriptions of Charles on the road to Chinon; once at court, she could Amongst
the surplus population living on the margin of society [in the Middle Ages ]
there was always a strong tendency to take as leader a layman, or maybe an
apostatefriar or monk, who imposed himself not simply as a holy man but as a
prophet or even as a living god. On the strength of inspirations or revelations
for which he claimed divine origin this leader would decree for his followers a
communal mission of vast dimensions and world-shaking importance. The
conviction of having such a mission, of being divinely appointed to carry out a
prodigious task, provided the disoriented and the frustrated with new bearings
and new hope. It gave them not simply a place in the world but a unique and
resplendent place. A fraternity of this kind felt itself an elite, set
infinitely apartfrom and above ordinary mortals, sharing also in his miraculous
powers. -NORMAN COHN, THE PURSUIT OF THE MILLENNIUM "How peculiar
[Rasputin's] eyes are," confesses a woman who had made efforts to resist
his influence. She goes on to say that every time she met him she was always
amazed afresh at the power of his glance, which it was impossible to withstand
for any considerable time. There was something oppressive inthis kind and
gentle, but at the same time sly and cunning, glance; people were helpless under
the spell of the powerful will which could be felt in his whole being. However
tired you might be of this charm, and however much you wanted to escape it,
somehow or other you always found yourself attracted back and held. • A young
girl who had heard of the strange new saint camefrom her province to the
capital, and visited him in search of edification and spiritual instruction.
She had never seen either him or a portrait of him before, and met him for the
first time in his house. When he came up to her and spoke to her, she thought
him like one of the peasant preachers she had often seen in her own country
home. His gentle, monastic gaze and the plainly parted light brown hair around
the worthy simple face, all at first inspired her confidence. But when he came
nearer to her, shefelt immediately that another quite different man,
mysterious, crafty, and corrupting, looked out from behind the eyes that
radiated goodness and gentleness. • He sat down opposite her, edged quite close
up to her, and his light blue eyes changed color, and became deep and have
sensed the trick he was playing on her, and could have confidently picked out
his pampered face in the crowd. The following year, her visions abandoned her,
and her confidence as well-shemade many mistakes, leading to her capture by the
English. She was indeed human. We may no longer believe in miracles, but
anything that hints at strange, unworldly, even supernatural powers will create
charisma. The psychology is the same: you have visions of the future, and of
the wondrous things you can accomplish. Describe these things in great detail,
with an air authority, and suddenly you stand out. And if your prophecy-of
prosperity, say-is just what people want to hear, they are likely to fall under
spell and to see later events as a confirmation of your predictions. Exhibit
remarkable confidence and people will think your confidence comes from real
knowledge. You will create a self-fulfilling prophecy: people's belief in you
will translate into actions that help realize your visions. Any hint of success
will make them see miracles, uncanny powers, the glow of charisma. The
authentic animal. One day in 1905, the St. Petersburg salon of Countess
Ignatiev was unusually full. Politicians, society ladies, and courtiers had all
arrived early to await the remarkable guest of honor: Grigori Efimovich
Rasputin, a forty-year-old Siberian monk who had made a name for himself
throughout Russia as a healer, perhaps a saint. When Rasputinarrived, few could
disguise their disappointment: his face was ugly, his hair was stringy,hewas
gangly and awkward. They wondered why they had come. But then Rasputin
approached them one by one, wrapping his big hands around their fingers and
gazing deep into their eyes. At first his gaze was unsettling: as he looked
them up and down, he seemed to be probing andjudging them. Yet suddenly his
expression would change, and kindness, joy, and understanding would radiate
from his face. Several of the ladies he actually hugged, in a most effusive
manner. This startling contrast had profound effects. The mood in the salon
soon changed from disappointment to excitement. Rasputin's voice was so calm
and deep; his language was coarse, yet the ideas it expressed were delightfully
simple, and had the ring of great spiritual truth. Then, just as the guests
were beginning to relax with this dirty-looking peasant, his mood suddenly
changed to anger: "I know you, I can read your souls. You are all too
pampered. . . . These fine clothes and arts of yours are useless and pernicious.
Men must learn to humble themselves! You must be simpler, far, far simpler.
Only then will God come nearer to you." The monk's face grew animated, his
pupils expanded, he looked completely different. How impressive that angry look
was, recalling Jesus throwing the moneylenders from the temple. Now Rasputin
calmed down, returned to being gracious, but the guests already saw him as
someone strange and remarkable. Next, in a performance he would soon repeat in
salons throughout the city, he led the guests in a folk song, and as they sang,
he began to dance, a strange uninhibited dance of his own design, and as he
danced, he circled the most attractive women there, and with his eyes invited
them to join him. The dance turned vaguely sexual; as his partners fell under
his spell, he whispered suggestive comments in their ears. Yet none of them
seemed to be offended. Over the next few months, women from every level of St.
Petersburg society visited Rasputin in his apartment. He would talk to them of
spiritual matters, but then without warning he would turn sexual, murmuring the
crassest come-ons. He would justify himself through spiritual dogma: how can
you repent if you have not sinned? Salvation only comes to those who go astray.
One of the few who rejected his advances was asked by a friend, "How can
one refuse anything to a saint?" "Does a saint need sinful
love?" she replied. Her friend said, "He makes everything that comes
near him holy. I have already belonged to him, and I am proud and happy to have
done so." "But you are married! What does your husband say?"
"He considers it a very great honor. If Rasputin desires a woman we all
think it a blessing and a distinction, our husbands as well as ourselves."
Rasputin's spell soon extended over Czar Nicholas and more particularly over
his wife, the Czarina Alexandra, after he apparently healed their son from a
life-threatening injury. Within a few years, he had become the most powerful
man in Russia, with total sway over the royal couple. People are more complicated
than the masks they wear in society. The man who seems so noble and gentle is
probably disguising a dark side, which often come out in strange ways; if his
nobility and refinement are in fact a put-on, sooner or later the truth will
out, and his hypocrisy will disappoint and alienate. On the other hand, we are
drawn to people who seem more comfortably human, who do not bother to disguise
their contradictions. This was the source of Rasputin's charisma. A man so
authentically himself, so devoid of self-consciousness or hypocrisy, was
immensely appealing. His wickedness and saintliness were so extreme that it
made him seem larger than life. The result was a charismatic aura that was
immediate and preverbal; it radiated from his eyes, and from the touch of his
hands. Most of us are a mix of the devil and the saint, the noble and the
ignoble, and we spend our lives trying to repress the dark side. Few of us can
give free rein to both sides, as Rasputin did, but we can create charisma to a
smaller degree by ridding ourselves of self-consciousness, and of the
discomfort most of us feel about our complicated natures. You cannot help being
the way you are, so be genuine. That is what attracts us to animals: beautiful
and cruel, they have no self-doubt. That quality is doubly fascinating in
humans. Outwardly people may condemn your dark side, but it is not virtue alone
that creates charisma; anything extraordinary will do. Do not apologize or go
halfway. The more unbridled you seem, the more magnetic the effect. dark. A
keen glance reached her from the comer of his eyes, bored into her, and held
her fascinated. A leaden heaviness overpowered her limbs as his great wrinkled
face, distorted with desire, came closer to hers. She felt his hot breath on
her cheeks, and saw how his eyes, burning from the depths of their sockets,
furtively roved over her helpless body, until he dropped his lids with a
sensuous expression. His voice had fallen to a passionate whisper, and he
murmured strange, voluptuous words in her ear. • Just as she was on the point
of abandoning herself to her seducer, a memory stirred in her dimly and as if
from some far distance; she recalled that she had come to ask him about God.
-RENE FULOP-MILLER, RASPUTIN: THE HOLY DEVIL By its very nature, the existence
of charismaticauthority is specifically unstable. The holder may forego his
charisma; he may feel "forsaken by his God," as Jesus did on the
cross; he may prove to his that "virtue is gone out of him." It is
then that his mission is extinguished, and hope waits and searches for a new
holder of charisma. -- MAX WEBER, FROM MAX WEBER: ESSAYS IN SOCIOLOGY. EDITED
BY HANS GERTH AND C. WRIGHT MILLS The demonic performer. Throughout his
childhood Elvis Presley was thought a strange boy who kept pretty much to
himself. In high school in Memphis, Tennessee, he attracted attention with his
pompadoured hair and sideburns, his pink and black clothing, but people who
tried to talk to him found nothing there-he was either terribly bland or
hopelessly shy. At the school prom, he was the only boy who didn't dance. He
seemed lost in a private world, in love with the guitar he took everywhere. At
the Ellis Auditorium, at the end of an evening of gospel music or wrestling,
the concessions manager would often find Elvis onstage, miming a performance
and taking bows before an imaginary audience. Asked to leave, he would quietly
walk away. He was a very polite young man. In 1953, just out of high school,
Elvis recorded his first song, in a local studio. The record was a test, a
chance for him to hear his own voice. A year later the owner of the studio, Sam
Phillips, called him in to record two blues songs with a couple of professional
musicians. They worked for hours, but nothing seemed to click; Elvis was
nervous and inhibited. Then, near the end of the evening, giddy with
exhaustion, he suddenly let loose and started to jump around like a child, in a
moment of complete selfabandon. The other musicians joined in, the song getting
wilder and wilder. Phillips's eyes lit up-he had something here. A month later
Elvis gave his first public performance, outdoors in a Memphis park. He was as
nervous as he had been at the recording session, and could only stutter when he
had to speak; but once he broke into song, the words came out. The crowd
responded excitedly, rising to peaks at certain moments. Elvis couldn't figure
out why. "I went over to the manager after the song," he later said,
"and I asked him what was making the crowd go nuts. He told me, 'I'm not
really sure, but I think that every time you wiggle your left leg, they start
to scream. Whatever it is, just don't stop.' A single Elvis recorded in 1954
became a hit. Soon he was in demand. Going onstage filled him with anxiety and
emotion, so much so that he became a different person, as if possessed.
"I've talked to some singers and they get a little nervous, but they say
their nerves kind of settle down
they
get into it. Mine never do. It's sort of this energy . . . something maybe like
sex." Over the next few months he discovered more gestures and
sounds-twitching dance movements, a more tremulous voice-that made the crowds
go crazy, particularly teenage girls. Within a year he had become the hottest
musician in America. His concerts were exercises in mass hysteria. Elvis
Presley had a dark side, a secret life. (Some have attributed it to the death,
at birth, of his twin brother.) This dark side he deeply repressed as a young
man; it included all kinds of fantasies which he could only give in to when he
was alone, although his unconventional clothing may also have been a symptom of
it. When he performed, though, he was able to let these demons loose. They came
out as a dangerous sexual power. Twitching, androgynous, uninhibited, he was a
man enacting strange fantasies before the public. The audience sensed this and
was excited by it. It wasn't a flamboyant style and appearance that gave Elvis
charisma, but rather the electrifying expression of his inner turmoil. A crowd
or group of any sort has a unique energy. Just below the surface is desire, a
constant sexual excitement that has to be repressed because it is socially
unacceptable. If you have the ability to rouse those desires, the crowd will
see you as having charisma. The key is learning to access your own unconscious,
as Elvis did when he let go. You are full of an excitement that seems to come
from some mysterious inner source. Your uninhibitedness will invite other
people to open up, sparking a chain reaction: their excitement in turn will
animate you still more. The fantasies you bring to the surface do not have to
be sexual-any social taboo, anything repressed and yearning for an outlet, will
suffice. Make this felt in your recordings, your artwork, your books. Social
pressure keeps people so repressed that they will be attracted to your charisma
before they have even met you in person. The Savior. In March of 1917, the
Russian parliament forced the country's ruler. Czar Nicholas, to abdicate and
established a provisional government. Russia was in rums. Its participation in
World War I had been a disaster; famine was spreading widely, the vast
countryside was riven by looting and lynch law, and soldiers were deserting
from the army en masse. Politically the country was bitterly divided; the main
factions were the right, the social democrats, and the left-wing
revolutionaries, and each of these groups was itself afflicted by dissension.
Into this chaos came the forty-seven-year-old Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. A Marxist
revolutionary, the leader of the Bolshevik Communist party, he had suffered a
twelve-year exile in Europe until, recognizing the chaos overcoming Russia as
the chance he had long been waiting for, he had hurried back home. Now he
called for the country to end its participation in the war and for an immediate
socialist revolution. In the first weeks after his arrival, nothing could have
seemed more ridiculous. As a man, Lenin looked unimpressive; he was short and
plain-featured. He had also spent years away in Europe, isolated from his
people and immersed in reading and intellectual argument. Most important, his
party was small, representing only a splinter group within the loosely
organized left coalition. Few took him seriously as a national leader.
Undaunted, Lenin went to work. Wherever he went, he repeated the same simple
message; end the war, establish the rule of the proletariat, abolish private
property, redistribute wealth. Exhausted with the nation's endless political
infighting and the complexity of its problems, people began to listen. Lenin
was so determined, so confident. He never lost his cool. In the midst of a
raucous debate, he would simply and logically debunk each one of his
adversaries' points. Workers and soldiers were im- He is their god. He leads
them like a thing \ Made by some other deity than nature, \ That shapes man
better; and they follow him \ Against us brats with no less confidence \ Than
boys pursuing summer butterflies \ Or butchers killing flies. . . . -WILLI AMS
HAKES PE ARE, CORIOLANUS The roof did lift as Presley came onstage. He sang for
twenty-five minutes while the audience erupted like Mount Vesuvius. "I
never saw such excitement and screaming in my entire life, ever before or
since," said I film director Hal ] Kanter. As an observer, he describ-ed
being stunned by "an exhibition of public mass hysteria ... a tidal wave
of adoration surging up from 9,000 people, over the wall of police flanking the
stage, up over the flood-lights, to the performer and beyond him, lifting him
to frenzied heights of response." -A DESCRIPTION OF ELVIS PRESLEY'S
CONCERT AT THE HAYRIDE THEATER, SHREVEPORT, LOUISIANA, DECEMBER 17, 1956, IN
PETER WHITMER, THE INNER ELVIS: A PSYCHOLOGICAL BIOGRAPHY OF ELVIS AARON
PRESLEY No one could so fire others with theif plans, no one could so impose
his will and conquer by force of his personality as this seemingly so ordinary
and somewhat coarse man who lacked any obvious sources of charm. . . . Neither
Plekhanov nor Martov nor anyone else possessed the secret radiating from Lenin
of positively hypnotic effect upon people-I would even say, domination of them.
Plekhanov was treated with deference, Martov was loved, but Lenin alone was
followed unhesitatingly as the only indisputable leader. For only Lenin
represented that rare phenomenon, especially rare in Russia, of a man of iron
will and indomitable energy who combines fanatical faith in the movement, the
cause, with no less faith in himself. -A. N. POTRESOV, QUOTED IN DANKWARTA.
RUSTOW, ED.. PHILOSOPHERS AND KINGS: STUDIES IN LEADERSHIP "I had hoped to
see the mountain eagle of our party, the great man, great physically as well as
politically. I had fancied Lenin as a giant, stately and imposing. Mow great
was my disappointment to see a most ordinary-looking man, below average height,
in no way, literally in no way distinguishable from ordinary mortals. -JOSEPH
STALIN, ON MEETING LENIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 1905,QUOTED IN RONALD W. CLARK,
LENIN :THE MAN BEHIND THE MASK pressed by his firmness. Once, in the midst of a
brewing riot, Lenin amazed his chauffeur by jumping onto the running board of
his car and directing the way through the crowd, at considerable personal risk.
Told that his ideas had nothing to do with reality, he would answer, "So
much the worse for reality!" Allied to Lenin's messianic confidence in his
cause was his ability to organize. Exiled in Europe, his party had been
scattered and diminished; in keeping them together he had developed immense
practical skills. In front of a large crowd, he was a also powerful orator. His
speech at the First All- Russian Soviet Congress made a sensation; either
revolution or a bourgeois government, he cried, but nothing in between-enough
of this compromise in which the left was sharing. At a time when other
politicians were scrambling desperately to adapt to the national crisis, and
seemed weak in the process, Lenin was rock stable. His prestige soared, as did
the membership of the Bolshevik party Most astounding of all was Lenin's effect
on workers, soldiers, and peasants. He would address these common people wherever
he found them-in the street, standing on a chair, his thumbs in his lapel, his
speech an odd mix of ideology, peasant aphorisms, and revolutionary slogans.
They would listen, enraptured. When Lenin died, in 1924-seven years after
single- handedly opening the way to the October Revolution of 1917, which had
swept him and the Bolsheviks into power-these same ordinary Russians went into
mourning. They worshiped at his tomb, where his body was preserved on view;
they told stories about him, developing a body of Lenin folklore; thousands of
newborn girls were christened "Ninel," Lenin backwards. This cult of
Lenin assumed religious proportions.
There
all kinds of misconceptions about charisma, which, paradoxically, only add to
its mystique. Charisma has little to do with an exciting physical appearance or
a colorful personality, qualities that elicit short-term interest. Particularly
in times of trouble, people are not looking for entertainment- they want
security, a better quality of life, social cohesion. Believe it or not, a
plain-looking man or woman with a clear vision, a quality of single-
mindedness, and practical skills can be devastatingly charismatic, provided it
matched with some success. Never underestimate the power of success in
enhancing one's aura. But in a world teeming with compromisers and fudgers
whose indecisiveness only creates more disorder, one clear-minded soul will be
a magnet of attention-will have charisma. One on one, or in a Zurich cafe
before the revolution, Lenin had little or no charisma. (His confidence was
attractive, but many found his strident manner irritating.) He won charisma
when he was seen as the man who could save the country. Charisma is not a
mysterious quality that inhabits you outside your control; it is an illusion in
the eyes of those who see you as having what they lack. Particularly in times
of trouble, you can enhance that illusion through calmness, resolution, and
clear-minded practicality. It also helps to have a seductivelysimple message.
Call it the Savior Syndrome: once people imagine you can save them from chaos,
they will fall in love with you, like a person who melts in the arms of his or
her rescuer. And mass love equals charisma. How else to explain the love
ordinary Russians felt for a man as emotionless and unexciting as Vladimir
Lenin. The guru. According to the beliefs of the Theosophical Society, every
two thousand years or so the spirit of the World Teacher, Lord Maitreya,
inhabits the body of a human. First there was Sri Krishna, born two thousand years
before Christ; then there was Jesus himself; and at the start of the twentieth
century another incarnation was due. One day in 1909, the theosophist Charles
Leadbeater saw a boy on an Indian beach and had an epiphany: this
fourteen-year-old lad, Jiddu Krishnamurti, would be the Teacher's next vehicle.
Leadbeater was struck by the simplicity of the boy, who seemed to lack the
slightest trace of selfishness. The members of the Theosophical Society agreed
with his assessment and adopted this scraggly underfed youth, whose teachers
had repeatedly beaten him for stupidity. They fed and clothed him and began his
spiritual instruction. The scruffy urchin turned into a devilishly handsome
young man. In 1911, the theosophists formed the Order of the Star in the East,
a group intended to prepare the way for the coming of the World Teacher.
Krishnamurti was made head of the order. He was taken to England, where his
education continued, and everywhere he went he was pampered and revered. His
air of simplicity and contentment could not help but impress. Soon Krishnamurti
began to have visions. In 1922 he declared, "I have drunk at the fountain
of Joy and eternal Beauty. I am God-intoxicated." Over the next few years
he had psychic experiences that the theosophists interpreted as visits from the
World Teacher. But Krishnamurti had actually had a different kind of
revelation: the truth of the universe came from within. No god, no guru, no
dogma could ever make one realize it. He himself was no god or messiah, but
just another man. The reverence that he was treated with disgusted him. In
1929, much to his followers' shock, he disbanded the Order of the Star and
resigned from the Theosophical . And so Krishnamurti became a philosopher,
determined to spread the truth he had discovered: you must be simple, removing
the screen of language and past experience. Through these means anyone could
attain contentment of the kind that radiated from Krishnamurti. The
theosophists abandoned him but his following grew larger than ever. In
California, where he spent much of his time, the interest in him verged
onculticadoration. The poet Robinson Jeffers said that whenever Krishnamurti
entered a room you could feel a brightness filling the space. The writer Aldous
Huxley met him in Los Angeles and fell under his spell. Hearing him speak, he
wrote: "It was like listening to the discourse of the Buddha- such power,
such intrinsic authority." The man radiated enlightenment. The actor John
Barrymore asked him to play the role of Buddha in a film. Tirst and foremost
there can be no prestige without mystery, for familiarity breeds contempt.
...In the design, the demeanor and the mental operations of a leader there must
always be a "something" which others cannot altogether fathom, which
puzzles them, stirs them, and rivets their attention ... to hold in reserve
some piece of secret knowledge which may any moment intervene, and the more
effectively from being in the nature of a surprise. The latent faith of the
masses will do the rest. Once the leader has been fudged capable of adding the
weight of his personality to the known factors of any situation, the ensuing
hope and confidence will add immensely to the faith reposed in him. -CHARLES DE
GAULLE, THE OF THE SWORD. IN DAVID SCHOENBRUN, THE THREE LIVES OF CHARLES DE
GAULLE Only a month after Evita's death, the newspaper vendors' union put
forwardher name for canonization, and although this gesture was an isolated one
and was never taken seriously by the Vatican, the idea of Evita's holiness
remained with many people and was reinforced by the publication of devotional
literature subsidized by government; by the renaming of cities, schools, and
subway stations; and by the stamping of medallions, the casting of busts, and
the issuing of ceremonial stamps. The time of the evening news broadcast was
changedfrom 8:30 pm. to 8:25 P.M., the time when Evita had "passed into
immortality," and each month there were torch-lit processions on the
twenty-sixth of the month, the day of her death. On the first anniversary of
her death, La Prensa printed a about one of its readers seeing Evita's face in
the face of the moon, and after this there were more such sightings reported in
the newspapers. For the most part, official publications stopped short of
claiming sainthood for her, but their restraint was not always convincing. . .
. In the calendar for 1953 of the Buenos Aires newspaper vendors, as in other
unofficial images, she was depicted in the traditional blue robes of the
Virgin, her hands crossed, her sad head to one side and surrounded by a halo.
-NICHOLAS FRASER AND MARYSA NAYARRO. EVITA (Krishnamurti politely declined.)
When he visited India, hands would reach outfrom the crowd to try to touch him
through the open car window. People prostrated themselves before him. Repulsed
by all this adoration, Krishnamurti grew more and more detached. He even talked
about himself in the third person. In fact, the ability to disengage from one's
past and view the world anew was part of his philosophy, yet once again the effect
was the opposite of what he expected: the affection and reverence people felt
for him only grew. His followers fought jealously for signs of his favor. Women
in particular fell deeply in love with him, although he was a lifelong
celibate. Krishnamurti had no desire to be a guru or a Charismatic, but he
inadvertently discovered a law of human psychology that disturbed him. People
do not want to hear that your power comes from years of effort or discipline.
They prefer to think that it comes from your personality, your character,
something you were born with. They also hope that proximity to the guru or
Charismatic will make some of that power rub off on them. They did not want to
have to read Krishnamurti's books, or to spend years practicing his lessons-they
simply wanted to be near him, soak up his aura, hear him speak, feel the light
that entered the room with him. Krishnamurti advocated simplicity as a way of
opening up to the truth, but his own simplicity justallowedpeople to see what
they wanted in him, attributing powers to him that he not only denied but
ridiculed. This is the guru effect, and it is surprisingly simple to create.
The aura you are after is not the fiery one of most Charismatics, but one of
incandescence, enlightenment. An enlightened person has understood something
that makes him or her content, and this contentment radiates outward. That is
the appearance you want: you do not need anything or anyone, you are fulfilled.
People are naturally drawn to those who emit happiness; maybe they can catch it
from you. The less obvious you are, the better: let people conclude that you
are happy, rather than hearing it from you. Let them see it in your unhurried
manner, your gentle smile, your ease and comfort. Keep your words vague,
letting people imagine what they will. Remember: being aloof and distant only
stimulates the effect. People will fight for the slightest sign of your
interest. A guru is content and detached-a deadly Charismatic combination. The
drama saint. It began on the radio. Throughout the late 1930s and early 1940s,
Argentine women would hear the plaintive, musical voice of Eva Duarte in one of
the lavishly produced soap operas that were so popular at the time. She never
made you laugh, but how often she could make you cry-with the complaints of a
betrayed lover, or the last words of Marie Antoinette. The very thought of her
voice made you shiver with emotion. And she was pretty, with her flowing blond
hair and her serious face, which was often on the covers of the gossip magazines.
In 1943, those magazines published a most exciting story: Eva had begun an
affair with one of the most dashing men in the new military government. Colonel
Juan Peron. Now Argentines heard her doing propaganda spots for the government,
lauding the "New Argentina" that glistened in the future. And
finally, this fairy tale story reached its perfect conclusion: in 1945 Juan and
Eva married, and the following year, the handsome colonel, after many trials
and tribulations (including a spell in prison, from which he was freed by the
efforts of his devoted wife) was elected president. He was a champion of th
edescamisados -the "shirtless ones," the workers and the poor, just
as his wife was. Only twenty-six at the time, she had grown up in poverty herself.
Now that this star was the first lady of the republic, she seemed to change.
She lost weight, most definitely; her outfits became less flamboyant, even
downright austere; and that beautiful flowing hair was now pulled back, rather
severely. It was a shame-the young star had grown up. But as Argentines saw
more of the new Evita, as she was now known, her new look affected them more
strongly. It was the look of a saintly, serious woman, one who was indeed what
her husband called the "Bridge of Love" between himself and his
people. She was now on the radio all the time, and listening to her was as
emotional as ever, but she also spoke magnificently in public. Her voice was
lower and her delivery slower; she stabbed the air with her fingers, reached
out as if to touch the audience. And her words pierced you to the core: "I
left my dreams by the wayside in order to watch over the dreams of others. ...
I now place my soul at the side of the soul of my people. I offer them all my
energies so that my body may be a bridge erected toward the happiness of all.
Pass over it ... toward the supreme destiny of the new fatherland." It was
no longer only through magazines and the radio that Evita made herself felt.
Almost everyone was personally touched by her in some way. Everyone seemed to
know someone who had met her, or who had visited her in her office, where a
line of supplicants wound its way through the hallways to her door. Behind her
desk she sat, so calm and full of love. Film crews recorded her acts of
charity: to a woman who had lost everything, Evita would give a house; to one
with a sick child, free care in the finest hospital. She worked so hard, no
wonder rumor had it that she was ill. And everyone heard of her visits to the
shanty towns and to hospitals for the poor, where, against the wishes of her
staff, she would kiss people with all kinds of maladies (lepers, syphilitic
men, etc.) on the cheek. Once an assistant appalled by this habit tried to dab
Evita's lips with alcohol, to sterilize them. This saint of a woman grabbed the
bottle and smashed it against the wall. Yes, Evita was a saint, a living
madonna. Her appearance alone could heal the sick. And when she died of cancer,
in 1952, no outsider to Argentina could possibly understand the sense of grief
and loss she left behind. For some, the country never recovered. As for me, I
have the gift of electrifying men. -NAPOLEON BONAPARTE, IN PIETER GEYL,
NAPOLEON: FORAND AGAINST I do not pretend to be a divine man, but I do believe
in divine guidance, divine power, and divine prophecy. I am not educated, nor
am I an expert in any particular field-but I am sincere and my sincerity is my
credentials. -MALCOLM X, QUOTED IN EUGENE VICTORWOLFENSTEIN, THE VICTIMS OF
DEMOCRACY: MALCOLM X AND THIS BLACK REVOLUTION Most of us live in a
semi-somnambulistic state: we do our daily tasks and the days fly by. The two
exceptions to this are childhood and those moments when we are in love. In both
cases, ouremotions are more engaged, more open and active. And we equate
feeling emotional with feeling more alive. A public figure who can affect
people's emotions, who can make them feel communal sadness, joy, or hope, has a
similar effect. An appeal to the emotions is far more powerful than an appeal
to reason. Eva Peron knew this power early on, as a radio actress. Her
tremulous voice could make audiences weep; because of this, people saw in her
great charisma. She never forgot the experience. Her every public act was
framed in dramatic and religious motifs. Drama is condensed emotion, and the
Catholic religion is a force that reaches into your childhood, hits you where
you cannot help yourself. Evita's uplifted arms, her staged acts of charity,
her sacrifices for the common folk-all this went straight to the heart. It was
not her goodness alone that was charismatic, although the appearance of
goodness is alluring enough. It was her ability to dramatize her goodness. You
must leam to exploit the two great purveyors of emotion: drama and religion.
Drama cuts out the useless and banal in life, focusing on moments of pity and
terror; religion deals with matters of life and death. Make your charitable
actions dramatic, give your loving words religious import, bathe everything in
rituals and myths going back to childhood. Caughtupintheemotions you stir,
people will see over your head the halo of charisma. The deliverer. In Harlem
in the early 1950s, few African-Americans knew much about the Nation of Islam,
or ever stepped into its temple. The Nation preached that white people were
descended from the devil and that someday Allah would liberate the black race.
This doctrine had little meaning for Harlemites, who went to church for
spiritual solace and turned in practical matters to their local politicians.
But in 1954, a new minister for the Nation of Islam arrived in Harlem. The
minister's name was Malcolm X, and he was well-read and eloquent, yet his
gestures and words were angry. Word spread: whites had lynched Malcolm's
father. He had grown up in a juvenile facility, then had survived as a
small-time hustler before being arrested for burglary and spending six years in
prison. His short life (he was only twenty-nine at the time) had been one long
run-in with the law, yet look at him now-so confident and educated. No one had
helped him; he had done it all on his own. Harlemites began to see Malcolm X
everywhere, handing out fliers, addressing the young. He would stand outside
their churches, and as the congregation dispersed, he would point to the
preacher and say, "He represents the white man's god; I represent the
black man's god." The curious began to come to hear him preach at a Nation
of Islam temple. He would ask them to look at the actual conditions of their
lives: "When you get through looking at where you live, then . . . take a
walk across Central Park," he would tell them. "Look at the white
man's apartments. Look at his Wall Street!" His words were powerful,
particularly coming from a minister. In 1957, a young Muslim in Harlem
witnessed the beating of a drunken black man by several policemen. When the
Muslim protested, the police pummeled him senseless and carted him off to jail.
An angry crowd gathered outside the police station, ready to riot. Told that
only Malcolm X could forestall violence, the police commissioner brought him in
and told him to break up the mob. Malcolm refused. Speaking more temperately,
the commissioner begged him to reconsider. Malcolm calmly set conditions for
his cooperation: medical care for the beaten Muslim, and proper punishment for
the police officers. The commissioner reluctantly agreed. Outside the station,
Malcolm explained the agreement and the crowd dispersed. In Harlem and around
the country, he was an overnight hero- finally a man who took action.
Membership in his temple soared. Malcolm began to speak all over the United
States. He never read from a text; looking out at the audience,hemade eye
contact, pointed his finger. His anger was obvious, not so much in his tone-he
was always controlled and articulate-as in his fierce energy, the veins popping
out on his neck. Many earlier black leaders had used cautious words, and had
asked their followers to deal patiently and politely with their social lot, no
matter how unfair. What a relief Malcolm was. He ridiculed the racists, he
ridiculed the liberals, he ridiculed the president; no white person escaped his
scorn. If whites were violent, Malcolm said, the language of violence should be
spoken back to them, for it was the only language they understood.
"Hostility is good!" he cried out. "It's been bottled up too long."
In response to the growing popularity of the nonviolent leader Martin Luther
King, Ir., Malcolm said, "Anybody can sit. An old woman can sit. A coward
can sit. ... It takes a man to stand." Malcolm X had a bracing effect on
many who felt the same anger he did but were frightened to express it. At his
funeral-he was assassinated in 1965, at one of his speeches-the actor Ossie
Davis delivered the eulogy before a large and emotional crowd:
"Malcolm," he said, "was our own black shining prince."
Malcolm X was a Charismatic of Moses' kind: he was a deliverer. The power of
this sort of Charismatic comes from his or her expression of dark emotions that
have built up over years of oppression. In doing so, the deliverer provides an
opportunity for the release of bottled-up emotions by other people-of the
hostility masked by forced politeness and smiles. Deliverers have to be one of
the suffering crowd, only more so: their pain must be exemplary. Malcolm's
personal history was an integral part of his charisma. His lesson-that blacks
should help themselves, not wait for whites to lift them up-meant a great deal
more because of his own years in prison, and because he had followed his own
doctrine by educating himself, lifting himself up from the bottom. The deliverer
must be a living example of personal redemption. The essence of charisma is an
overpowering emotion that communicates itself in your gestures. In your tone of
voice, in subtle signs that are the more powerful for being unspoken. You feel
something more deeply than others, and no emotion is more powerful and more
capable of creating a charismatic reaction than hatred, particularly if it
comes from deep- rooted feelings of oppression. Express what others are afraid
to express and they will see great power in you. Say what they want to say but
cannot. Never be afraid of going too far. If you represent a release from
oppression, you have the leeway to go still farther. Moses spoke of violence,
of destroying every last one of his enemies. Language like this brings the
oppressed together and makes them feel more alive. This is not, however,
something that is uncontrollable on your part. Malcolm X felt rage from early
on, but only in prison did he teach himself the art of oratory, and how to
channel his emotions. Nothing is more charismatic than the sense that someone
is struggling with great emotion rather than simply giving in to it. The
Olympian actor. On lanuary 24, 1960 an insurrection broke out in Algeria, then
still a French colony. Led by right-wing French soldiers, its purpose was to
forestall the proposal of President Charles de Gaulle to grant Algeria the
right of self-determination. If necessary, the insurrectionists would take over
Algeria in the name of France. For several tense days, the seventy-year-old de
Gaulle maintained a strange silence. Then on lanuary 29, at eight in the
evening, he appeared on French national television. Before he had uttered a
word, the audience was astonished, for he wore his old uniform from World War
II, a uniform that everyone recognized and that created a strong emotional
response. De Gaulle had been the hero of the resistance, the savior of the
country at its darkest moment. But that uniform had not been seen for quite
some time. Then de Gaulle spoke, reminding his public, in his cool and
confident manner, of all they had accomplished together in liberating France
from the Germans. Slowly he moved from these charged patriotic issues to the
rebellion in Algeria, and the affront it presented to the spirit of the
liberation. He finished his address by repeating his famous words of lune 18,
1940: "Once again I call all Frenchmen, wherever they are, whatever they
are, to reunite with France. Vive la Republique! Vive la France!" The
speech had two purposes. It showed that de Gaulle was determined not to give an
inch to the rebels, and it reached for the heart of all patriotic Frenchmen,
particularly in the army. The insurrection quickly died, and no one doubted the
connection between its failure and de Gaulle's performance on television. The
following year, the French voted overwhelmingly in favor of
Alself-determination. On April 11, 1961, de Gaulle gave a press conference in
which he made it clear that France would soon grant the country full
independence. Eleven days later, French generals in Algeria issued a communique
stating that they had taken over the country and declaring a state of siege.
This was the most dangerous moment of all: faced with Algeria's imminent
independence, these right-wing generals would go all the way. A civil war could
break out, toppling de Gaulle's government. The following night, de
Gaulleappearedonceagain on television, once again wearing his old uniform. He
mocked the generals, comparing them to a South American junta. He talked calmly
and sternly. Then, suddenly, at the very end of the address, his voice rose and
even trembled as he called out to the audience: "Francoises, Frangais,
aidez-moi!" ("Frenchwomen, Frenchmen, help me!") It was the most
stirring moment of all his television appearances. French soldiers in Algeria,
listening on transistor radios, were overwhelmed. The next day they held a mass
demonstration in favor of de Gaulle. Two days later the generals surrendered.
On July 1, 1962, de Gaulle proclaimed Algeria's independence. In 1940, after
the German invasion of France, de Gaulle escaped to England to recruit an army
that would eventually return to France for the liberation. At the beginning, he
was alone, and his mission seemed hopeless. But he had the support of Winston
Churchill, and with Churchill's blessing he gave a series of radio talks that
the BBC broadcast to France. His strange, hypnotic voice, with its dramatic
tremolos, would enter French living rooms in the evenings. Few of his listeners
even knew what he looked like, but his tone was so confident, so stirring, that
he recruited a silent army of believers. In person, de Gaulle was a strange,
brooding man whose confident manner couldjust as easily irritate as win over.
But over the radio that voice had intense charisma. De Gaulle was the first
great master of modern media, for he easily transferred his dramatic skills to
television, where his iciness, his calmness, his total self-possession, made
audiences feel both comforted and inspired. The world has grown more fractured.
A nation no longer conies together on the streets or in the squares; it is
brought together in living rooms, where people watching television all over the
country can simultaneously be alone and with others. Charisma must now be
communicable over the airwaves or it has no power. But it is in some ways
easier to project on television, both because television makes a direct
one-on-one appeal (the Charismatic seems to address you ) and because charisma
is fairly easy to fake for the few moments you spend in front of the camera. As
de Gaulle understood, when appearing on television it is best to radiate
calmness and control, to use dramatic effects sparingly. De Gaulle's overall
iciness made doubly effective the brief moments in which he raised his voice,
or let loose a biting joke. By remaining calm and underplaying it, he
hypnotized his audience. (Your face can express much more if your voice is less
strident.) He conveyed emotion visually-the uniform, the setting-and through
the use of certain charged words:the liberation, Joan of Arc. The less he
strained for effect, the more sincere he appeared. All this must be carefully
orchestrated. Punctuate your calmness with surprises; rise to a climax; keep
things short and terse. The only thing that cannot be faked is self-confidence,
the key component to charisma since the days of Moses. Should the camera lights
betray your insecurity, all the tricks in the world will not put your charisma
back together again. Symbol: The Lamp. Invisible to the eye, a current flowing
through a wire in a glass vessel generates a heat that turns into candescence.
All we see is the glow. In the prevailing darkness, the Lamp lights the way.
Dangers O n a pleasant May day in 1794, the citizens of Paris gathered in a
park for the Festival of the Supreme Being. The focus of their attention was
Maximilien de Robespierre, head of the Committee of Public Safety, and the man
who had thought up the festival in the first place. The idea was simple; to
combat atheism, "to recognize the existence of a Supreme Being and the
Immortality of the Soul as the guiding forces of the universe." It was
Robespierre's day of triumph. Standing before the masses in his sky-blue suit
and white stockings, he initiated the festivities. The crowd adored him; after
all, he had safeguarded the purposes of the French Revolution through
theintensepoliticking that had followed it. The year before, he had initiated
the Reign of Terror, which cleansed the revolution of its enemies by sending
them to the guillotine. He had also helped guide the country through a war
against the Austrians and the Prussians. What made crowds, and particularly
women, love him was his incorruptible virtue (he lived very modestly), his
refusal to compromise, the passion for the revolution that was evident in
everything he did, and the romantic language of his speeches, which could not
fail to inspire. He was a god. The day was beautiful and augured a great future
for the revolution. Two months later, on July 26, Robespierre delivered a
speech that he thought would ensure his place in history, for he intended to
hint at the end of the Terror and a new era for France. Rumor also had it that
he was to call for a last handful of people to be sent to the guillotine, a
final group that threatened the safety of the revolution. Mounting the rostrum
to address the country's governing convention, Robespierre wore the same
clothes he had worn on the day of the festival. The speech was long, almost
three hours, and included an impassioned description of the values and virtues
he had helped protect. There was also talk of conspiracies, treacery, unnamed
enemies. The response was enthusiastic, but a little less so than usual. The
speech had tired many representatives. Then a lone voice was heard, that of a
man named Bourdon, who spoke against printing Robespierre's speech, a veiled
sign of disapproval. Suddenly others stood up on all sides, and accused him of
vagueness: he had talked of conspiracies and threats without naming the guilty.
Asked to be specific, he refused, preferring to name names later on. The next
day Robespierre stood to defend his speech, and the representatives shouted him
down. A few hours later, he was the one sent to the guillotine. On July 28,
amid a gathering of citizens who seemed to be in an even more festive mood than
at the Festival of the Supreme Being, Robespierre's head fell into the basket,
to resounding cheers. The Reign of Terror was over. Many of those who seemed to
admire Robespierre actually harbored a gnawing resentment of him-he was so
virtuous, so superior, it was oppressive. Some of these men had plotted against
him, and were waiting for the slightest sign of weakness-which appeared on that
fateful day when he gave his last speech. In refusing to name his enemies, he
had shown either a desire to end the bloodshed or a fear that they would strike
at him before he could have them killed. Fed by the conspirators, this one
spark turned into fire. Within two days, first a governing body and then a
nation turned against a Charismatic who two months before had been revered.
Charisma is as volatile as the emotions it stirs. Most often it stirs
sentiments of love. But such feelings are hard to maintain. Psychologists talk
of "erotic fatigue"-the moments after love in which you feel tired of
it, resentful. Reality creeps in, love turns to hate. Erotic fatigue is a
threat to all Charismatics. The Charismatic often wins love by acting the
savior, rescuing people from some difficult circumstance, but once they feel
secure, charisma is less seductive to them. Charismatics need danger and risk.
They are not plodding bureaucrats; some of them deliberately keep danger going,
as de Gaulle and Kennedy were wont to do, or as Robespierre did through the
Reign of Terror. But people tire of this, and at your first sign of weakness
they turn on you. The love they showed before will be matched by their hatred
now. The only defense is to master your charisma. Your passion, your anger,
your confidence make you charismatic, but too much charisma for too long creates
fatigue, and a desire for calmness and order. The better kind of charisma is
created consciously and is kept under control. When you need to you can glow
with confidence and fervor, inspiring the masses. But when the adventure is
over, you can settle into a routine, turning the heat,
out,
but down. (Robespierre may have been planning that move, but it came a day too
late.) People will admire your self-control and adaptability. Their love affair
with you will move closer to the habitual affection of a man and wife. You will
even have the leeway to look a little boring, a little simple-a role that can
also seem charismatic, if played correctly. Remember: charisma depends on
success, and the best way to maintain success, after the initial charismatic
rush, is to be practical and even cautious. Mao Zedong was a distant, enigmatic
man who for many had an awe-inspiring charisma. He suffered many setbacks that
would have spelled the end of a less clever man, but after each reversal he
retreated, becoming practical, tolerant, flexible; at least for a while. This
protected him from the dangers of a counterreaction. There is another
alternative: to play the armed prophet. According to Machiavelli, although a
prophet may acquire power through his charismatic personality, he cannot long
survive without the strength to back it up. He needs an army. The masses will
tire of him; they will need to be forced. Being an armed prophet may not
literally involve arms, but it demands a forceful side to your character, which
you can back up with action. Unfortunately this means being merciless with your
enemies for as long as you re
tain
power. And no one creates more bitter enemies than the Charismatic. Finally,
there is nothing more dangerous than succeeding a Charismatic. These characters
are unconventional, and their rule is personal in style, ing stamped with the
wildness of their personalities. They often leave chaos in their wake. The one
who follows after a Charismatic is left with a mess, which the people, however,
do not see. They miss their inspirer and blame the successor. Avoid this
situation at all costs. If it is unavoidable, do not try to continue what the
Charismatic started; go in a new direction. By being practical, trustworthy,
and plain-speaking, you can often generate a strange kind of charisma through
contrast. That was how Harry Truman not only survived the legacy of Roosevelt
but established his own type of charisma. Daily life is harsh, and most of us
constantly seek escape from it in fantasies and dreams. Stars feed on this
weakness; standing outfrom others through a distinctive and appealing style,
they make us want to watch them. At the same time, they are vague and ethereal,
keeping their distance, and letting us imagine more than is there. Their
dreamlike quality works on our unconscious; we are not even aware how much we
imitate them. Learn to become an object offascination by projecting the
glittering but elusive presence of the Star. The Fetishistic Star O ne day in
1922, in Berlin, Germany, a casting call went out for the part of a voluptuous
young woman in a film called Tragedy of Love. Of the hundreds of struggling
young actresses who showed up, most would do anything to get the casting
director's attention, including exposing themselves. There was one young woman
in the line, however, who was simply dressed, and performed none of the other
girls' desperate antics. Yet she stood out anyway. The girl carried a puppy on
a leash, and had draped an elegant necklace around the puppy's neck. The
casting director noticed her immediately. He watched her as she stood in line,
calmly holding the dog in her arms and keeping to herself. When she smoked a
cigarette, her gestures were slow and suggestive. He was fascinated by her legs
and face, the sinuous way she moved, the hint of coldness in her eyes. By the
time she had come to the front, he had already cast her. Her name was Marlene
Dietrich. By 1929, when the Austrian-American director Josef von Sternberg
arrived in Berlin to begin work on the film The Blue Angel, the twenty-
seven-year-old Dietrich was well known in the Berlin film and theater world.
The Blue Angel was to be about a woman called Lola-Lola who preys sadistically
on men, and all of Berlin's best actresses wanted the part-except, apparently,
Dietrich, who made it known that she thought the role demeaning; von Sternberg
should choose from the other actresses he had in mind. Shortly after arriving
in Berlin, however, von Sternberg attended a performance of a musical to watch
a male actor he was considering for The Blue Angel The star of the musical was
Dietrich, and as soon as she came onstage, von Sternberg found that he could
not take his eyes off her. She stared at him directly, insolently, like a man;
and then there were those legs, and the way she leaned provocatively against
the wall. Von Sternberg forgot about the actor he had come to see. He had found
his Lola-Lola. Von Sternberg managed to convince Dietrich to take the part, and
immediately he went to work, molding her into the Lola of his imagination. He
changed her hair, drew a silver line down her nose to make it seem thinner,
taught her to look at the camera with the insolence he had seen onstage. When
filming began, he created a lighting systemjust for her-a light that tracked
her wherever she went, and was strategically heightened by gauze and smoke.
Obsessed with his "creation," he followed her everywhere. No one else
could go near her. The cool, brightface which didn't ask for anything, which
simply existed, waiting-it was an empty face, he thought; a face that could
change with any wind of expression. One could dream into it anything. It was
like a beautiful empty house waiting for carpets and pictures. It had all
possibilities-it could become a palace or a brothel. It depended on the one who
fdled it. How limited by comparison was all that was already completed and
labeled. - ERICH MARIA REMARQUE, ON MARLENE DIETRICH, ARCH OF TRIUMPH Marlene
Dietrich is not an actress, like Sarah Bernhardt; she is a myth, like Phryne.
-ANDRE: MALRAUX, QUOTED IN EDGAR MORIN, THE STARS. TRANSLATED BY RICHARD HOWARD
When Pygmalion saw these women, living such wicked lives, he was revolted by
the many faults which nature has implanted in thefemale sex, and long lived a
bachelor existence, without any wife to share his home. But meanwhile, with
marvelous artistry, he skillfully carved a snowy ivory statue. He made it
lovelier than any woman born, and fell in love with his own creation. The
statue had all the appearance of a real girl, so that it seemed to be alive, to
want to move, did not modesty forbid. So cleverly did his art conceal its art.
Pygmalion gazed in wonder, and in his heart there rose a passionate love for
this image of a human form. Often he ran his hands over the work, feeling it to
see whether it was flesh or ivory, and would not yet admit thativory was all it
was. He kissed the statue, and imagined that it kissed him back, spoke to it
and embraced it, and thought he felt his fingers sink into the limbs he
touched, so that he was afraid lest a bruise appear where he had pressed the
flesh. Sometimes he addressed it in flattering speeches, sometimes brought the
kind of presents that girls enjoy. . . . He dressed the limbs of his statue in
woman's robes, and put rings on its fingers, long necklaces round its neck. . .
. All this finery became the image well, but it was no less lovely unadorned.
Pygmalion then placed the statue on a couch that was covered with cloths of
Tynan purple, laid its head to rest on soft down pillows, as if it could
appreciate them, and called it his bedfellow. • The festival of Venus, which is
celebrated with the greatest The Blue Angel was a huge success in Germany.
Audiences were fascinated with Dietrich: that cold, brutal stare as she spread
her legs over a stool, baring her underwear; her effortless way of commanding
attention on screen. Others besides von Sternberg became obsessed with her. A
man dying of cancer. Count Sascha Kolowrat, had one last wish: to see Marlene's
legs in person. Dietrich obliged, visiting him in the hospital and lifting up
her skirt; he sighed and said "Thank you. Now I can die happy." Soon
Paramount Studios brought Dietrich to Hollywood, where everyone was quickly
talking about her. At a party, all eyes would turn toward her when she came
into the room. She would be escorted by the most handsome men in Hollywood, and
would be wearing an outfit both beautiful and unusual-gold-lame pajamas, a
sailor suit with a yachting cap. The next day the look would be copied by women
all over town; next it would spread to magazines, and a whole new trend would
start. The real object of fascination, however, was unquestionably Dietrich's
face. What had enthralled von Sternberg was her blankness-with a simple
lighting trick he could make that face do whatever he wanted. Dietrich
eventually stopped working with von Sternberg, but never forgot what he had
taught her. One night in 1951, the director Fritz Lang, who was about to direct
her in the film Rancho Notorious, was driving past his office when he saw a
light flash in the window. Fearing a burglary, he got out of his car, crept up
the stairs, and peeked through the crack in the door: it was Diet- rich taking
pictures of herself in the mirror, studying her face from every angle. Marlene
Dietrich had a distance from her own self: she could study her face, her legs,
her body, as if she were someone else. This gave her the ability to mold her
look, transforming her appearance for effect. She could pose in just the way
that would most excite a man, her blankness letting him see her according to
his fantasy, whether of sadism, voluptuousness, or danger. And every man who
met her, or who watched her on screen, fantasized endlessly about her. The
effect worked on women as well; in the words of one writer, she projected "sex
without gender." But this selfdistance gave her a certain coldness,
whether on film or in person. She was like a beautiful object, something to
fetishize and admire the way we admire a work of art. The fetish is an object
that commands an emotional response and that makes us breathe life into it.
Because it is an object we can imagine whatever we want to about it. Most
people are too moody, complex, and reactive to let us see them as objects that
we can fetishize. The power of the Fetishistic Star comes from an ability to
become an object, and notjust any object but an object we fetishize, one that
stimulates a variety of fantasies. Fetishistic Stars are perfect, like the
statue of a Greek god or goddess. The effect is startling, and seductive. Its
principal requirement is self-distance. If you see yourself as an object, then
others will too. An ethereal, dreamlike air will heighten the effect. You are a
blank screen. Float through life noncommittally and people will want to seize
you and consume you. Of all the parts of your bodythat draw this fetishistic
attention, the strongest is the face; so learn to tune your face like an
instrument, making it radiate a fascinating vagueness for effect. And since you
will have to stand out from other Stars in the sky, you will need to develop an
attention-getting style. Dietrich was the great practitioner of this art; her
style was chic enough to dazzle, weird enough to enthrall. Remember, your own
image and presence are materials you can control. The sense that you are engaged
in this kind of play will make people see you as superior and worthy of
imitation. She had such natural poise . . . such an economy of gesture, that
she became as absorbing as a Modigliani. . . . She had the one essential star
quality: she could be magnificent doing nothing. -BERLIN ACTRESS LILI DARVAS ON
MARLENE DIETRICH The Mythic Star O n July 2, 1960, a few weeks before that
year's Democratic National Convention, former President Harry Truman publicly
stated that John F. Kennedy-who had won enough delegates to be chosen his
party's candidate for the presidency-was too young and inexperienced for the
job. Kennedy's response was startling: he called a press conference, to be
televised live, and nationwide, on July 4. The conference's drama was heightened
by the fact that he was away on vacation, so that no one saw or heard from him
until the event itself. Then, at the appointed hour, Kennedy strode into the
conference room like a sheriff entering Dodge City. He began by stating that he
had run in all of the state primaries, at considerable expense of money and
effort, and had beaten his opponents fairly and squarely. Who was Truman to
circumvent the democratic process? "This is a young country," Kennedy
went on, his voice getting louder, "founded by young men . . . and still
young in heart. . . . The world is changing, the old ways will not do, . . . It
is time for a new generation of leadership to cope with new problems and new
opportunities." Even Kennedy's enemies agreed that his speech that day was
stirring. He turned Truman's challenge around: the issue was not his
inexperience but the older generation's monopoly on power. His style was as
eloquent as his words, for his performance evoked films of the time-Alan Ladd
in Shane confronting the corrupt older ranchers, or James Dean in Rebel Without
a Cause. Kennedy even resembled Dean, particularly in his air of cool
detachment. A few months later, now approved as the Democrats' presidential
candidate, Kennedy squared off against his Republican opponent, Richard Nixon,
in their first nationally televised debate. Nixon was sharp; he knew pomp all
through Cyprus, was now in progress, and
heifers,
their crooked horns gildedfor the occasion, had fallen at the altar as the axe
struck their snowy necks. Smoke was rising from the incense, when Pygmalion,
having made his offering, stood by the altar and timidly prayed, saying:
"If you gods can give all things, may I have as my wife, I
pray-"henot dare to say: "the ivory maiden," but finished:
"one like the golden Venus, present at her festival in person, understood
what his prayers meant, and as a sign that the gods were kindly disposed, the
flames burned up three times, shooting a tongue of fire into the air. When
Pygmalion returned home, he made straight for the statue of the girl he loved,
leaned over the couch, and kissed her. She seemed : he laid his lips on hers
again, and touched her breast with his hands-at his touch the ivory lost its
hardness, and grew soft. -OVID ,METAMORPHOSES, TR ANS L ATEDB YM AR YM .INNES
[John F.] Kennedy brought to television news and photojournalism the components
most prevalent in the world of film: star quality and mythic story. his
telegenic looks, skills at self presentation, heroic fantasies, and creative
intelligence, Kennedy was brilliantly prepared to project a major screen
persona. He appropriated the discourses of mass culture, especially of
Hollywood, and transferred them to the news. By this strategy he made the news
like dreams and like the movies-a realm in which images played out scenarios
that accorded with the viewer's deepest yearnings. . . . Never appearing in an
actual fdm, but rather turning the television apparatus into his screen, he
became the greatest movie star of the twentieth century. -JOHN HELLMANN, THE KENNEDY
OBSESSION: THE MYTH OF JFK But we have seen that, considered as a total the
stars repeats, in its own proportions, the history of the gods. Before the gods
(before the stars) the mythical universe (the screen) was peopled with specters
or phantoms with the glamour and magic of the double. • Several of these
presences have progressively assumed body and substance, have taken form,
amplified, and flowered into gods andgoddesses. And even as certain major gods
of the ancient pantheons metamorphose themselves into hero-gods of salvation,
the star-goddesses humanize and become new mediators between the fantastic
world of dreams and man's daily life on earth. . . . • The heroes of the movies
. . . are, in an obviously attenuated way, mythological heroes in this of
becoming divine. The star is the actor or actress who absorbs some of the
heroic - i.e., divinized and mythic-substance of the hero or heroine of
theenriches this substance by the answers to the questions and debated with
aplomb,quotingstatisticson the accomplishments of the Eisenhower
administration, in which he had served as vice-president. But beneath the glare
of the cameras, on black and white television, he was a ghastly figure-his five
o'clock shadow covered up with powder, streaks of sweat on his brow and cheeks,
his face drooping with fatigue, his eyes shifting and blinking, his body rigid.
What was he so worried about? The contrast with Kennedy was startling. If Nixon
looked only at his opponent, Kennedy looked out at the audience, making eye
contact with his viewers, addressing them in their living rooms as no
politician had ever done before. If Nixon talked data and niggling points of
debate, Kennedy spoke of freedom, of building a new society, of recapturing
America's pioneer spirit. His manner was sincere and emphatic. His words were
not specific, but he made his listeners imagine a wonderful future. The day
after the debate, Kennedy's poll numbers soared miraculously, and wherever he
went he was greeted by crowds of young girls, screaming andjumping. His
beautiful wife Jackie by his side, he was a kind of democratic prince. Now his
television appearances were events. He was in due course elected president, and
his inaugural address, also broadcast on television, was stirring. It was a cold
and wintry day. In the background, Eisenhower sat huddled in coat and scarf,
looking old and beaten. But Kennedy stood hatless and coatless to address the
nation: "I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any
other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which
we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it-and the
glow from that fire can truly light the world." Over the months to come
Kennedy gave innumerable live press conferences before the TV cameras,
something no previous president had dared. Facing the firing squad of lenses
and questions, he was unafraid, speaking coolly and slightly ironically. What
was going on behind those eyes, that smile? People wanted to know more about
him. The magazines teased its readers with information-photographs of Kennedy
with his wife and children, or playing football on the White House lawn,
interviews creating a sense of him as a devoted family man, yet one who mingled
as an equal with glamorous stars. The images all melted together-the space
race, the Peace Corps, Kennedy facing up to the Soviets during the Cuban
missile crisis just as he had faced up to Truman. After Kennedy was
assassinated, Jackie said in an interview that before he went to bed, he would
often play the soundtracks to Broadway musicals, and his favorite of these was
Camelot, with its lines, "Don't let it be forgot / that once there was a
spot / For one brief shining moment / That was known as Camelot." There
would be great presidents again, Jackie said, but never "another
Camelot." The name "Camelot" seemed to stick, making Kennedy's
thousand days in office resonate as myth. Kennedy's seduction of the American
public was conscious and calculated. It was also more Hollywood than Washington,
which was not surprising: Kennedy's father, Joseph, had once been a movie
producer, and Kennedy himself had spent time in Hollywood, hobnobbing with
actors and trying to figure out what made them stars. He was particularly
fascinated with Gary Cooper, Montgomery Clift, and Cary Grant; he often called
Grant for advice. Hollywood had found ways to unite the entire country around
certain themes, or myths-often the great American myth of the West. The great
stars embodied mythic types: John Wayne the patriarch, Clift the Promethean
rebel, Jimmy Stewart the noble hero, Marilyn Monroe the siren. These were not
mere mortals but gods and goddesses to be dreamed and fantasized about. All of
Kennedy's actions were framed in the conventions of Hollywood. He did not argue
with his opponents, he confronted them dramatically. He posed, and in visually
fascinating ways-whether with his wife,withhis children, or alone onstage. He
copied the facial expressions, the presence, of a Dean or a Cooper. He did not
discuss policy details but waxed eloquent about grand mythic themes, the kind
that could unite a divided nation. And all this was calculated for television,
for Kennedy mostly existed as a televised image. That image haunted our dreams.
Well before his assassination, Kennedy attracted fantasies of America's lost
innocence with his call for a renaissance of the pioneer spirit, a New
Frontier. Of all the character types, the Mythic Star is perhaps the most
powerful of all. People are divided by all kinds of consciously recognized
categories- race, gender, class, religion, politics. It is impossible, then, to
gain power on a grand scale, or to win an election, by drawing on conscious
awareness; an appeal to any one group will only alienate another.
Unconsciously, however, there is much we share. All of us are mortal, all of us
know fear, all of us have been stamped with the imprint of parent figures; and
nothing conjures up this shared experience more than myth. The patterns of
myth, born out of warring feelings of helplessness on the one hand and thirst
for on the other, are deeply engraved in us all. Mythic Stars are figures of
myth come to life. To appropriate their power, you must first study their
physical presence-how they adoptadistinctive style, are cool and visually
arresting. Then you must assume the pose of a mythic figure; the rebel, the
wise patriarch, the adventurer. (The pose of a Star who has struck one of these
mythic poses might do the trick.) these connections vague; they should never be
obvious to the conscious mind. Your words and actions should invite
interpretation beyond surface appearance; you should seem to be dealing not
with specific, nitty-gritty issues and details but with matters of life and
death, love and hate, authority and chaos. Your opponent, similarly, should be
framed not merely as an enemy for reasons of ideology or competition but as a
villain, a demon. People are hopelessly susceptible to myth, so make yourself
the hero of a great drama. And keep your distance-let people identify with you
without being able to touch you. They can only watch and dream. his or her own
contribution. When we speak of the myth of the star, we mean first of all the
process of divinization which the movie actor undergoes, a process that makes
him the idol of crowds. -EDGAR MORIN, THE STARS, TRANSLATED BY RICHARD HOWARD
Age: 22, Sex: female, Nationality: British, Profession: medical student
"[Deanna Durbin] became my first and only screen idol. I wanted to be as
much like her as possible,both in my manners and
clothes.
Whenever I was to get a new dress, I would find from my collection a
particularly nice picture of Deanna and ask for a dress she was wearing. I did
my hair as much like hers as 1 could manage. If I found myself in any annoying
or aggravating situation . . . I found myself wondering what Deanna would do
and modified my own reactions accordingly. ..." • Age: 26, Sex: female,
Nationality: British "I only fell in once with a movie actor. It was
Conrad Veidt. His magnetism and his personality got me. His voice and gestures
fascinated me. I hated him, feared him, loved him. When he died it seemed to me
that a vital part of my died too, and my world of dreams was bare. " -J.
P. MAYER, BRITISH CINEMAS AND THEIR AUDIENCES The savage worships idols of wood
and stone; the civilized man, idols of flesh and blood. -GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
When the eye's rays some clear, well- polished object-be it burnished steel or
glass or water, a brilliant stone, or other polished and gleaming substance
having luster, glitter, and sparkle . . . those rays of the eye are reflected
back, and the observer then beholds himself and obtains an ocular vision of his
own person. This is what you see when you look into a mirror; in that situation
you are as it were looking at yourself through the eyes of another. -IBN HAZM,
THE RING OF THE DOVE:A TREATISE ON THE ART AND PRACTICE OF ARAB , TRANSLATED BY
A.J. ARBERRY The only important constellation of collective seduction produced
by modern times [is] that of film stars or cinema idols. . . . They were our
only myth in an age incapable of generating great myths or figures of seduction
comparable to those of mythology or art. • The cinema's power lives in its
myth. Its stones, its psychological portraits, its imagination or realism, the
meaningful impressions it leaves-these are all secondary. Only the myth is
powerful, and at the heart of the cinematographic myth lies seduction-that of
the renowned seductive figure, a man or woman (but Jack's life had more to do
with myth, magic, legend, saga, and story than with political theory or
political science. -JACQUELINE KENNEDY, A WEEK AFTER JOHN KENNEDY'S DEATH Keys
to the Character Seduction is a form of persuasion that seeks to bypass
consciousness, stirring the unconscious mind instead. The reason for this is
simple: we are so surrounded by stimuli that compete for our attention,
bombarding us with obvious messages, and by people who are overtly political
and manipulative, that we are rarely charmed or deceived by them. We have grown
increasingly cynical. Try to persuade a person by appealing to their
consciousness, by saying outright what you want, by showing all your cards, and
what hope do you have? You are just one more irritation to be tuned out. To
avoid this fate you must learn the art of insinuation, of reaching the
unconscious. The most eloquent expression of the unconscious is the dream,
which is intricately connected to myth; waking from a dream, we are often
haunted by its images and ambiguous messages. Dreams obsess us because they mix
the real and the unreal. They are filled with real characters, and often deal
with real situations, yet they are delightfully irrational, pushing realities
to the extremes of delirium. If everything in a dream were realistic, it would
have no power over us; if everything were unreal, we would feel less involved
in its pleasures and fears. Its fusion of the two is what makes it haunting.
This is what Freud called the "uncanny": something that seems
simultaneously strange and familiar. We sometimes experience the uncanny in
waking life-in a deja vu, a miraculous coincidence, a weird event that recalls
a childhood experience. People can have a similar effect. The gestures, the
words, the very being of men like Kennedy or Andy Warhol, for example, evoke
both the real and the unreal: we may not realize it (and how could we, really),
but they are like dream figures to us. They have qualities that anchor them in
reality- sincerity, playfulness, sensuality-but at the same time their
aloofness, their superiority, their almost surreal quality makes them seem like
something out of a movie. These types have a haunting, obsessive effect on
people. Whether in public or in private, they seduce us, making us want to
possess them both physically and psychologically. But how can we possess a
person from a dream, or a movie star or political star, or even one of those
real-life fascinators, like a Warhol, who may cross our path? Unable to have
them, we become obsessed with them-they haunt our thoughts, our dreams, our
fantasies. We imitate them unconsciously. The psychologist Sandor Fer- enczi
calls this "introjection": another person becomes part of our ego, we
internalize their character. That is the insidious seductive power of a Star, a
power you can appropriate by making yourself into a cipher, a mix of the real
and the unreal. Most people are hopelessly banal; that is, far too real. What
you need to do is etherealize yourself. Your words and actions seem to come
from your unconscious-have a certain looseness to them. You hold yourself back,
occasionally revealing a trait that makes people wonder whether they really
know you. The Star is a creation of modern cinema. That is no surprise: film
recreates the dream world. We watch a movie in the dark, in a semisomno- lent
state. The images are real enough, and to varying degrees depict realistic
situations, but they are projections, flickering lights, images-we know they
are not real. It as if we were watching someone else's dream. It was the
cinema, not the theater, that created the Star. On a theater stage, actors are
far away, lost in the crowd, too real in their bodily presence. What enabled
film to manufacture the Star was the close-up, which suddenly separates actors
from their contexts, filling your mind with their image. The close-up seems to
reveal something not so much about the character they are playing but about
themselves. We glimpse something of Greta Garbo herself when we look so closely
into her face. Never forget this while fashioning yourself as a Star. First,
you must have such a large presence that you can fill your target's mind the
way a close-up fills the screen. You must have a style or presence that makes
you stand out from everyone else. Be vague and dreamlike, yet not distant or
absent-you don't want people to be unable to focus on or remember you. They
have to be seeing you in their minds when you're not there. Second, cultivate a
blank, mysterious face, the center that radiates Starness. This allows people
to read into you whatever they want to, imagining they can see yourcharacter,
even your soul. Instead of signaling moods and emotions, instead of emoting or
overemoting, the Star draws in interpretations. That is the obsessive power in
the face of Garbo or Dietrich, or even of Kennedy, who molded his expressions
on James Dean's. A living thing is dynamic and changing while an object or
image is passive, but in its passivity it stimulates our fantasies. A person
can gain that power by becoming a kind of object. The great eighteenth-century
charlatan Count Saint-Germain was in many ways a precursor of the Star. He
would suddenly appear in town, no one knew from where; he spoke many languages,
but his accent belonged to no single country. Nor was it clear how old he
was-not young, clearly, but his face had a healthy glow. The count only went
out at night. He always wore black, and also spectacular jewels. Arriving at
the court of Louis XV, he was an instant sensation; he reeked wealth, but no
one knew its source. He made the king and Madame de Pompadour believe he had
fantastic powers, including even the ability to turn base matter into gold (the
gift of the Philosopher's Stone), but he never made any great claims for
himself; it was all insinuation. He never said yes or no, only perhaps. He
would sit down for dinner but was never seen eating. He once gave Madame de
Pompadour a gift of candies in a box that changed color and aspect depending on
how she held it; this entrancing object, she said, reminded her of the count
himself. Saint- Germain painted the strangest paintings anyone had ever
seen-the colors above all a woman) linked to the ravishing but specious power
of the cinematographic image itself. . . . • The star is by no means an ideal
or sublime being: she is artificial. . . . Her presence serves to submerge all
sensibility and expression beneath a ritual fascination with the void, beneath
ecstasy of her gaze and the nullity of her smile. This is how she achieves
mythical status and becomes subject to collective rites of sacrificial
adulation. • The ascension of the cinema idols, the masses' divinities, was and
remains a central story of modern times. . . . There is no point in dismissing
it as merely the dreams of mystified masses. It is a seductive occurrence.
..." To be sure, seduction in the age of the masses is no longer like that
of. . . Les Liaisons Dangereuses or The Seducer's Diary, nor for that matter,
like that found in ancient mythology, which undoubtedly contains the stories
richest in seduction. In these seduction is hot, while that of our modern idols
is cold, being at the intersection of two cold mediums, that of the image and
that of the masses. . . . • The great stars or seductresses neverdazzle because
of their talent or intelligence, but because of their absence. They are
dazzling in their nullity, and in their coldness-the coldness of makeup and
ritual hieraticism. . . . • These great seductive effigies are our masks, our
Eastern Island statues. -JEAN BAUDRILLARD, SEDUCTION. TRANSLATED BY BRIAN
SINGER If you want to know all about Andy Warhol, just look at the surface of
my paintings and fdms and me, and there I am. There's nothing behind it. -ANDY
WARHOL, QUOTED IN STEPHEN KOCH, STARGAZER: THE UFE. WORLD & FILMS OF ANDY
WARHOL were so vibrant that when he paintedjewels, people thought they were
real. Painters were desperate to know his secrets but he never revealed them.
He would leave town as he had entered, suddenly and quietly. His greatest
admirer was Casanova, who met him and never forgot him. When he died, no one
believed it; years, decades, a century later, people were certain he was hiding
somewhere. A person with powers like his never dies. The count had all the Star
qualities. Everything about him was ambiguous and open to interpretation.
Colorful and vibrant, he stood out from the crowd. People thought he was
immortal, just as a star seems neither to age nor to disappear. His words were
like his presence-fascinating, diverse, strange, their meaning unclear. Such is
thepower you can command by transforming yourself into a glittering object.
Andy Warhol too obsessed everyone who knew him. He had a distinctive
style-those silver wigs-and his face was blank and mysterious. People never
knew what he was thinking; like his paintings, he was pure surface. In the
quality of their presence Warhol and Saint-Germain recall the great trompe
l'oeil paintings of the seventeenth century, or the prints of M. C.
Escher-fascinating mixtures of realism and impossibility, which make people
wonder if they are real or imaginary. A Star must stand out, and this may
involve a certain dramatic flair, of the kind that Dietrich revealed in her
appearances at parties. Sometimes, though, a more haunting, dreamlike effect
can be created by subtle touches: the way you smoke a cigarette, a vocal
inflection, a way of walking. It isoften the little things that get under
people's skin, and make them imitate you-the lock of hair over Veronica Lake's
right eye, Cary Grant's voice, Kennedy's ironic smile. Although these nuances
may barely register to the conscious mind, subliminally they can be as
attractive as an object with a striking shape or odd color. Unconsciously we
are strangely drawn to things that have no meaning beyond their fascinating
appearance. Stars make us want to know more about them. You must learn to stir
people's
curiosity by letting them glimpse something in your private life, something
that seems to reveal an element of your personality. Let them fantasize and
imagine. A trait that often triggers this reaction is a hint of spirituality,
which can be devilishly seductive, like James Dean's interest in Eastern
philosophy and the occult. Hints of goodness and big-heartedness can have a
similar effect. Stars are like the gods on Mount Olympus, who live for love and
play. The things you love-people, hobbies, animals- reveal the kind of moral
beauty that people like to see in a Star. Exploit this desire by showing people
peeks of your private life, the causes you fight for, the person you are in
love with (for the moment). Another way Stars seduce is by making us identify
with them, giving us a vicarious thrill. This was what Kennedy did in his press
conference about Truman: in positioning himself as a young man wronged by an
older man, evoking an archetypal generational conflict, he made young people
identify with him. (The popularity in Hollywood movies of the figure of the
disaffected, wronged adolescent helped him here.) The key is to represent a
type, as Jimmy Stewart represented the quintessential middle-American, Cary
Grant the smooth aristocrat. People of your type will gravitate to you,
identify with you, share your joy or pain.The attraction must be unconscious,
conveyed not in your words but in your pose, your attitude. Now more than ever,
people are insecure, and their identities are in flux. Help them fix on a role
to play in life and they will flock to identify with you. Simply make your type
dramatic, noticeable, and easy to imitate. The power you have in influencing
people's sense of self in this manner is insidious and profound. Remember:
everyone is a public performer. People never know exactly what you think or
feel; they judge you on your appearance. You are an actor. And the most
effective actors have an inner distance: like Dietrich, they can mold their
physical presence as if they perceived it from the outside. This inner distance
fascinates us. Stars are playful about themselves, always adjusting their
image, adapting it to the times. Nothing is more laughable than an image that
was fashionable ten years ago but isn't any more. Stars must always renew their
luster or face the worst possible fate: oblivion. Symbol: The Idol. A piece of
stone can'ed into the shape of a god, perhaps glittering with gold and jewels.
The eyes of the worshippers fill the stone with life, imagining it to have real
powers. Its shape allows them to see what they want to see-a god-but it is
actually just a piece of stone. The god lives in their imaginations. Dangers
Starscreateillusions that are pleasurable to see. The danger is that people
tire of them-the illusion no longer fascinates-and turn to another Star. Let
this happen and you will find it very difficult to regain your place in the
galaxy. You must keep all eyes on you at any cost. Do not worry about
notoriety, or about slurs on your image; we are remarkably forgiving of our
Stars. After the death of President Kennedy, all kinds of unpleasant truths
came to light about him-the endless affairs, the addiction to risk and danger.
None of this diminished his appeal, and in fact the public still considers him
one of America's greatest presidents. Errol Flynn faced many scandals,
including a notorious rape case; they only enhanced his rakish image. Once
people have recognized a Star, any kind of publicity, even bad, simply feeds
the obsession. Of course you can go too far: people like a Star to have a
transcendent beauty, and too much human frailty will eventually disillusion
them. But bad publicity is less of a danger than disappearing for too long, or
growing too distant. You cannot haunt people's dreams if they never see you. At
the same time, you cannot let the public get too familiar with you, or let your
image become predictable. People will turn against you in an instant if you
begin to bore them, for boredom is the ultimate social evil. Perhaps
thegreatest danger Stars face is the endless attention they elicit. Obsessive
attention can become disconcerting and worse. As any attractive woman can
attest, it is tiring to be gazed at all the time, and the effect can be
destructive, as is shown by the story of Marilyn Monroe. The solution is to
develop the kind of distance from yourself that Dietrich had-take the attention
and idolatry with a grain of salt, and maintain a certain detachment from them.
Approach your own image playfully. Most important, never become obsessed with
the obsessive quality of people's interest in you. in the anti-O jeducer
Seducers draw you in by the focused, individualized attention they pay to you.
Anti-Seducers are the opposite: insecure, self-absorbed, and unable to grasp
the psychology of another person, they literally repel. Anti- Seducers have no
self-awareness, and never realize when they are pestering, imposing, talking
too much. They lack the subtlety to create the promise of pleasure that
seduction requires. Root out anti-seductive qualities in yourself, and
recognize them in others-there is no pleasure or profit dealing with the
Anti-Seducer. Typology of the Anti-Seducers Anti-Seducers come in many shapes
and kinds, but almost all of them share a single attribute, the source of their
repellence: insecurity. We are all insecure, and we suffer for it. Yetwe are
able to surmount these feelings at times; a seductive engagement can bring us
out of our usual selfabsorption, and to the degree that we seduce or are
seduced, we feel charged and confident. Anti-Seducers, however, are insecure to
such a degree that they cannot be drawn into the seductive process. Their
needs, their anxieties, their self-consciousness close them off. They interpret
the slightest ambiguity on your part as a slight to their ego; they see the
merest hint of withdrawal as a betrayal, and are likely to complain bitterly
about it. It seems easy: Anti-Seducers repel, so be repelled-avoid them.
Unfortunately, however, many Anti-Seducers cannot be detected as such at first
glance. They are more subtle, and unless you are careful they will ensnare you
in a most unsatisfying relationship. You must look for clues to their
self-involvement and insecurity: perhaps they are ungenerous, or they argue
with unusual tenacity, or are excessively judgmental. Perhaps they lavish you
with undeserved praise, declaring their love before knowing anything about you.
Or, most important, they pay no attention to details. Since they cannot see
what makes you different, they cannot surprise you with nu- anced attention. It
is critical to recognize anti-seductive qualities not only in others but also
in ourselves. Almost all of us have one or two of the Anti-Seducer's qualities
latent in our character, and to the extent that we can consciously root them out,
we become more seductive. A lack of generosity, for instance, need not signal
an Anti-Seducer if it is a person's only fault, but an ungenerous person is
seldom truly attractive. Seduction implies opening yourself up, even if only
for the purposes of deception; being unable to give by spending money usually
means being unable to give in general. Stamp ungenerosity out. It is an
impediment to power and a gross sin in seduction. It is best to disengage from
Anti-Seducers early on, before they sink their needy tentacles into you, so
learn to read the signs. These are the main types. Count Lodovico then remarked
with a smile: "I promise you that our sensible courtier will never act so
stupidly to gain a woman's favor." • Cesare Gonzaga replied: "Nor so
stupidly as a gentleman I remember, of some repute, whom to spare men's blushes
I don't wish to mention by name. " • "Well, at least tell us what he
did," said the Duchess. • Then Cesare continued: "He was loved by a
very great lady, and at her request he came secretly to the town where she was.
After he had seen her and enjoyed her company for as long as she would let him
in the time, he sighed and wept bitterly, to show the anguish he was suffering
at having to leave her, and he
begged
her never to forget him; and then he added that she should pay for his lodging
at the inn, since it was she who had sent for him and he thought it only right,
therefore, that he shouldn't be involved in any expense over the journey."
• At this, all the ladies began to laugh and to say that the man concerned
hardly deserved the name of gentleman; and many of the men felt as ashamed as
he should have been, had he ever had the sense to recognize such disgraceful
behavior for what it was. -BALDASSARE CAST1GL10NE, THE BOOK OF THE COURTIER.
TRANSLATED BY GEORGE BULL The Brute. If seduction is a kind of ceremony or
ritual, part of the pleasure is its duration-the time it takes, the waiting
that increases anticipation. Brutes have no patience for such things; they are
concerned only with their own pleasure, never with yours. To be patient is to
show that you are thinking of the other person, which never fails to impress.
Impatience has the opposite effect: assuming you are so interested in them you
have no reason to wait, Brutes offend you with their egotism. Underneath that
egotism, too, there is often a gnawing sense of inferiority, and if you spurn
them or make them wait, they overreact. If you suspect you are dealing with a
Brute, do a test-make that person wait. His or her response will tell you
everything you need to know. Let us see now how love is diminished. This
happens through the easy accessibility of its consolations, through one's being
able to see and converse lengthily with a lover, through a lover's unsuitable
garb and gait, and by the sudden onset of poverty. . . . • Another cause of
diminution of love is the realization of the notoriety of one's lover, and
accounts of his miserliness, bad character, and general wickedness; also any
affair with another woman, even if it involves no feelings of love. Love is
also diminished if a woman realizes that her lover is foolish and undisceming,
or if she sees him going too far in demands of love, giving no thought to his
partner's modesty nor wishing to pardon her blushes. A faithful lover ought to
choose the harshest pains of love rather than by his demands cause his partner
embarrassment, or take pleasure in spurning her modesty; for one who thinks
only of the outcome of his own pleasure, and ignores the welfare of his
partner, should be called a traitor rather than a lover. • Love also suffers
decrease if the woman realizes that her lover is fearful in war, The
Suffocator. Suffocators fall in love with you before you are even half- aware
of their existence. The trait is deceptive-you might think they have found you
overwhelming-but the fact is they suffer from an inner void, a deep well of
need that cannot be filled. Never get involved with Suffocators; they are
almost impossible to free yourself from without trauma. They cling to you until
you are forced to pull back, whereupon they smother you with guilt. We tend to
idealize a loved one, but love takes time to develop. Recognize Suffocators by
how quickly they adore you. To be so admired may give a momentary boost to your
ego, but deep inside you sense that their intense emotions are not related to
anything you have done. Tmst these instincts. A subvariant of the Suffocator is
the Doormat, a person who slavishly imitates you. Spot these types early on by
seeing whether they are capable of having an idea of their own. An inability to
disagree with you is a bad sign. The Moralizer. Seduction is a game, and should
be undertaken with a light heart. All is fair in love and seduction; morality
never enters the picture. The character of the Moralizer, however, is rigid.
These are people who follow fixed ideas and try to make you bend to their
standards. They want to change you, to make you a better person, so they
endlessly criticize and judge-that is their pleasure in life. In truth, their moral
ideas stem from their own unhappiness, and mask their desire to dominate those
around them. Their inability to adapt and to enjoy makes them easy to
recognize; their mental rigidity mayalso be accompanied by a physical
stiffness. It is hard not to take their criticisms personally so it is better
to avoid their presence and their poisoned comments. The Tightwad. Cheapness
signals more than a problem with money. It is a sign of something constricted
in a person's character-something that keeps them from letting go or taking a
risk. It is the most anti-seductive trait of all, and you cannot allow yourself
to give in to it. Most tightwads do not realize they have a problem; they
actually imagine that when they give someone some paltry crumb, they are being generous.
Take a hard look at yourself-you are probably cheaper than you think. Try
giving more freely of both your money and yourself and you will see the
seductive potential in selective generosity. Of course you must keep your
generosity under control. Giving too much can be a sign of desperation, as if
you were trying to buy someone. The Bumbler. Bumblers are self-conscious, and
their self-consciousness heightens your own. At first you may think they are
thinking about you, and so much so that it makes them awkward. In fact they are
only thinking of themselves-worrying about how they look, or about the
consequences for them of their attempt to seduce you. Their worry is usually
contagious: soon you are worrying too, about yourself. Bumblers rarely reach the
final stages of a seduction, but if they get that far, they bungle that too. In
seduction, the key weapon is boldness, refusing the target the time to stop and
think. Bumblers have no sense of timing. You might find it amusing to try to
train or educate them, but if they are still Bumblers past a certain age, the
case is probably hopeless-they are incapable of getting outside themselves. or
sees that he has no patience, or is stained with the vice of pride. There is
nothing which appears more appropriate to the character of any lover than to be
clad in the adornment of humility, utterly untouched by the nakedness of pride.
• Then too the prolixity of a fool or a madman often diminishes love. There arc
many keen to prolong their crazy words in the presence of a woman, thinking
that they please her if they employ foolish, ill-judged language, but infact
they are strangely deceived. Indeed, he who thinks that his foolish behavior
pleases a wise woman suffers from the greatest poverty of sense. -ANDREAS CAPELLANUS,"HOW
LOVE IS DIMINISHED," TRANSLATED BY P. G.WALSH The Windbag. The most
effective seductions are driven by looks, indirect actions, physical lures.
Words have a place, but too much talk will generally break the spell,
heightening surface differences and weighing things down. People who
talkalotmostoften talk about themselves. They have never acquired that inner
voice that wonders. Am I boring you? To be a Windbag is to have a deep-rooted
selfishness. Never interrupt or argue with these types-that only fuels their
windbaggery. At all costs leam to control your own tongue. The Reactor.
Reactors are far too sensitive, not to you but to their own egos. They comb
your every word and action for signs of a slight to their vanity. If you
strategically back off, as you sometimes must in seduction, they will brood and
lash out at you. They are prone to whining and complaining, two very
anti-seductive traits. Test them by telling a gentlejoke or story at their
expense: we should all be able to laugh at ourselves a little, but the Reactor
cannot. You can read the resentment in their eyes. Erase any reactive qualities
in your own character-they unconsciously repel people. The Vulgarian.
Vulgarians are inattentive to the details that are so important in seduction.
You can see this in their personal appearance-their Real men \ Shouldn't primp
their good looks. . . . \ Keep pleasantly clean, take exercise, work up an
outdoor \ Tan; make quite sure that your toga fits \ And doesn't show spots;
don't lace your shoes too tightly \ Or ignore any rusty buckles, or slop \
Around in too large a fitting. Don't let some incompetent barber \ Ruin your
looks: both hair and
beard
demand \ Expert attention. Keep your nails pared, and dirt-free; \ Don't let
those long hairs sprout \ In your nostrils, make sure your breath is never
offensive, \ Avoid the rank male stench \ That wrinkles noses. ... \ I was
about to warn you [women] against rank goatish armpits \ And bristling hair on
your legs, \ But I'm not instructing hillbilly girls from the Caucasus, \ Or
Mysian river-hoydens-so what need \ To remind you not to let your teeth get all
discolored \ Through neglect, or forget to wash \ Your hands every morning? You
know how to brighten your complexion \ With powder, add rouge to a bloodless
face, \ Skillfully block in the crude outline of an eyebrow, \ Stick a patch on
one flawless cheek. \ You don't shrink from lining your eyes with dark mascara
\ Or a touch of Cilician saffron. . . . \ But don't let your lover find all
those jars and bottles \ On your dressing- table: the best \ Makeup remains
unobtrusive. A face so thickly plastered \ With pancake it runs down your
sweaty neck \ Is bound to create repulsion. And that goo from unwashed fleeces
- \ Athenian maybe, but my dear, the smell !- \ That's used for face-cream:
avoid it. When you have company \ Don't dab stuff on your pimples, don't start
cleaning your teeth: \ The result may be attractive, but the process is
sickening. . . . - OVID, THE ART OF LOVE. TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN clothes are
tasteless by any standard-and in their actions: they do not know that it is
sometimes better to control oneself and refuse to give in to one's impulses.
Vulgarians will blab, saying anything in public. They have no sense of timing
and are rarely in harmony with your tastes. Indiscretion is a sure sign of the
Vulgarian (talking to others of your affair, for example); it may seem
impulsive, but its real source is their radical selfishness, their inability to
see themselves as others see them. More than just avoiding Vulgarians, you must
make yourself their opposite-tact, style, and attention to detail are all basic
requirements of a seducer. Examples of the Anti-Seducer 1. Claudius, the
step-grandson of the great Roman emperor Augustus, was considered something of
an imbecile as a young man, and was treated badly by almost everyone in his
family. His nephew Caligula, who became emperor in A.D. 37, made it a sport to
torture him, making him run around the palace at top speed as penance for his stupidity,
having soiled sandals tied to his hands at supper, and so on. As Claudius grew
older, he seemed to become even more slow-witted, and while all of his
relatives lived under the constant threat of assassination, he was left alone.
So it came as a great surprise to everyone, including Claudius himself, that
when, in AD. 41, a cabal of soldiers assassinated Caligula, they also
proclaimed Claudius emperor. Having no desire to rule, he delegated most of the
governing to confidantes (a group of freed slaves) and spent his time doing
what he loved best: eating, drinking, gambling, and whoring. Claudius's wife,
Valeria Messalina, was one of the most beautiful women in Rome. Although he
seemed fond of her, Claudius paid her no attention, and she started to have
affairs. At first she was discreet, but over the years, provoked by her
husband's neglect, she became more and more debauched. She had a room built for
her in the palace where she entertained scores of men, doing her best to
imitate the most notorious prostitute in Rome, whose name was written on the
door. Any man who refused her advances was put to death. Almost everyone in
Rome knew about these frolics, but Claudius said nothing; he seemed oblivious.
So great was Messalina's passion for her favorite lover, Gaius Silius, that she
decided to marry him, although both of them were married already. While
Claudius was away, they held a wedding ceremony, authorized by a marriage
contract that Claudius himself had been tricked into signing. After the ceremony,
Gaius moved into the palace. Now the shock and disgust of the whole city
finally forced Claudius into action, and he ordered theexecution of Gaius and
of Messalina's other lovers-but not of Messalina herself. Nevertheless, a gang
of soldiers, inflamed by the scandal, hunted her down and stabbed her to death.
When this was reported to the emperor, he merely ordered more wine and
continued his meal. Several nights later, to the amazement of his slaves, he
asked why the empress was not joining him for dinner. Nothing is more
infuriating than being paid no attention. In the process of seduction, you may
have to pull back at times, subjecting your target to moments of doubt. But
prolonged inattention will not only break the seductive spell, it can create
hatred. Claudius was an extreme of this behavior. His insensitivity was created
by necessity: in acting like an imbecile, he hid his ambition and protected
himself among dangerous competitors. But the insensitivity became second
nature. Claudius grew slovenly, and no longer noticed what was going on around
him. His inattentiveness had a profound effect on his wife: How, she wondered,
can a man, especially a physically unappealing man like Claudius, not notice
me, or care about my affairs with other men? But nothing she did seemed to
matter to him. Claudius marks the extreme, but the spectrum of inattention is
wide. A lot of people pay too little attention to the details, the signals
another person gives. Their senses are dulled by work, by hardship, by
self-absorption. We often see this turning off the seductive charge between two
people, notably between couples who have been together for years. Carried
further, it will stir angry, bitter feelings. Often, the one who has been
cheated on by a partner started the dynamic by patterns of inattention. 2. In
1639, a French army besieged and took possession of the Italian city of Turin.
Two French officers, the Chevalier (later Count) de Grammont and his friend
Matta, decided to turn their attention to the city's beautiful women. The wives
of some of Turin's most illustrious men were more than susceptible-their
husbands were busy, and kept mistresses of their own. The wives' only
requirement was that the suitor play by the mles of gallantry. The chevalier
and Matta were quick to find partners, the chevalier choosing the beautiful
Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain, who was soon to be betrothed, and Matta offering
his services to an older and more experienced woman, Madame de Senantes. The
chevalier took to wearing green, Matta blue, these being their ladies' favorite
colors. On the second day of their courtships the couples visited a palace
outside the city. The chevalier was all charm, making Mademoiselle de
Saint-Germain laugh uproariously at his witticisms, but Matta did not fare so
well; he had no patience for this gallantry business, and when he and Madame de
Senantes took a stroll, he squeezed her hand and boldly declared his
affections. The lady of course was aghast, and when they got back to Turin she
left without looking at him. Unaware that he had offended her, Matta imagined
that she was overcome with emotion, and felt rather pleased with himself. But
the Chevalier de Grammont, wondering why the pair had parted, visited Madame de
Senantes and asked her how it went. She told him the truth-Matta had dispensed
with the formalities and was ready to bed her. The chevalier But if, like the
winter cat upon the hearth, the lover clings when he is dismissed, and cannot
bear to go, certain means must be taken to make him understand; and these
should be progressively ruder and ruder, until they touch him to the quick of
his flesh. • She should refuse him the bed, and jeer at him, and make him
angry; she should stir up her mother's enmity against him; she should treat him
with an obvious lack of candor, and spread herself in long considerations about
his ruin; his departure should be openly anticipated, his tastes and desires
should be thwarted, his poverty outraged; she should let him see that she is in
sympathy with another man, she should blame him with harsh words on every
occasion; she should tell lies about him to her parasites, she should interrupt
his sentences, and send him on frequent errands away from the house. She should
seek occasions of quarrel, and make him the victim of a thousand domestic
perfidies; she should rack her brains to vex him; she should play with the
glances of another in his presence, and give herself up to reprehensible
profligacy before his face; she should leave the house as often as possible,
and let it be seen that she has no real need to do so. All these means are good
for showing a man the door. -EASTERN LOVE, VOLUME II: THE HARLOT'S BREVIARY OF
KSHEMENDRA, TRANSLATED BY E. POWYS MATHERS Just as ladies do love men which be
valiant and bold under arms, so likewise do they love such as be of like sort
in love; and the man which is cowardly and over and above respectful toward
them, will never win their good favor. Not that they would have them so
overweening, bold, and presumptuous, as that they should by main force lay them
on the floor; but rather they desire in them a certain hardy modesty, or
perhaps better a certain modest hardihood. For while themselves are not exactly
wantons, and will neither solicit a man nor yet actually offer their favors,
yet do they know well how to rouse the appetites and passions, and prettily
alluretothe skirmish in such wise that he which doth not take occasion by
theforelock and join encounter, and that without the least awe of rank and
greatness, without a scruple of conscience or a fear or any sort of hesitation,
he verily is a fool and a spiritless poltroon, and one which doth merit to be
forever abandoned of kind fortune. • I have heard of two honorable gentlemen
and comrades, for the which two very honorable ladies, and of by no means
humble quality, made tryst one day at Paris to go walking in a garden. Being
come thither, each lady did separate apart onefrom the other, each alone with
her own cavalier, each in a several alley of the garden, that was so close
covered in with a fair trellis of boughs as that daylight could really scarce
penetrate there at all, and the coolness of the place was very grateful.
laughed and thought to himself how differently he would manage affairs if he
were the one wooing the lovely Madame. Over the next few days Matta continued
to misread the signs. He did not pay a visit to Madame de Senantes's husband,
as custom required. He did not wear her colors. When the two went riding
together, he went chasing after hares, as if they were the more interesting
prey, and when he took snuff he failed to offer her some. Meanwhile he
continued to make hisoverforward
advances.FinallyMadamehadhadenough,andcomplainedtohim directly. Matta
apologized; he had not realized his errors. Moved by his apology, the lady was
more than ready to resume the courtship-but a few days later, after a few
trifling stabs at wooing, Matta once again assumed that she was ready for bed.
To his dismay, she refused him as before. "I do not think that [women] can
be mightily offended," Matta told the chevalier, "if one sometimes
leaves off trifling, to come to the point." But Madame de Senantes would
have nothing more to do with him, and the Chevalier de Grammont, seeing an
opportunity he could not pass by, took advantage of her displeasure by secretly
courting her properly, and eventually winning the favors that Matta had tried
to force. There is nothing more anti-seductive than feeling that someone has
assumed that you are theirs, that you cannot possibly resist them. The
slightest appearance of this kind of conceit is deadly to seduction; you must
prove yourself, take your time, win your target's heart. Perhaps you fear that
he or she will be offended by a slower pace, or will lose interest. It is more
likely, however, that your fear reflects your own insecurity, and insecurity is
always anti-seductive. In truth, the longer you take, the more you show the
depth of your interest, and the deeper the spell you create. In a world of few
formalities and ceremony, seduction is one of the few remnants from the past
that retains the ancient patterns. It is a ritual, and its rites must be
observed. Haste reveals not the depth of your feelings but the degree of your
self-absorption. It may be possible sometimes to hurry someone into love, but
you will only be repaid by the lack of pleasure this kind of love affords. If
you are naturally impetuous, do what you can to disguise it. Strangely enough,
the effort you spend on holding yourself back may be read by your target as
deeply seductive. 3. In Paris in the 1730s lived a young man named Meilcotp\
who was just of an age to have his first affair. His mother's friend Madame de
Lursay, a widow of around forty, was beautiful and charming, but had a
reputation for being untouchable; as a boy, Meilcour had been infatuated with
her, but never expected his love would be returned. So it was with great
surprise and excitement that he realized that now that he was old enough,
Madame de Lursay's tender looks seemed to indicate a more than motherly
interest in him. The Anti-Seducer • 139 For two months Meilcour trembled in de
Lursay's presence. He was afraid of her, and did not know what to do. One
evening they were discussing a recent play. How well one character had declared
his love to a woman, Madame remarked. Noting Meilcour's obvious discomfort, she
went on, "If I am not mistaken, a declaration can only seem such an
embarrassing matter because you yourself have one to make." Madame de
Lursay knew full well that she was the source of the young man's awkwardness,
but she was a tease; you must tell me, she said, with whom you are in love.
Finally Meilcour confessed: it was indeed Madame whom he desired. His mother's
friend advised him to not think of her that way, but she also sighed, and gave
him a long and languid look. Her words said one thing, her eyes another-perhaps
she was not as untouchable as he had thought. As the evening ended, though,
Madame de Lursay said she doubted his feelings would last, and she left young
Meilcour troubled that she had said nothing about reciprocating his love. Over
the next few days, Meilcour repeatedly asked de Lursay to declare her love for
him, and she repeatedly refused. Eventually the young man decided his cause was
hopeless, and gave up; but a few nights later, at a soiree at her house, her
dress seemed more enticing than usual, and her looks at him stirred his blood.
He returned them, and followed her around, while she took care to keep a bit of
distance, lest others sense what was happening. Yet she also managed to arrange
that he could stay without arousing suspicion when the other visitors left.
When they were finally alone, she made him sit beside her on the sofa. He could
barely speak; the silence was uncomfortable. To get him talking she raised the
same old subject; his youth would make his love for her a passing fancy.
Instead of denying it he looked dejected, and continued to keep a polite
distance, so that she finally exclaimed, with obvious bony, "If it were
known that you were here with my consent, that I had voluntarily arranged it
with you . . . what might not people say? And yet how wrong they would be, for
no one could be more respectful than you are." Goaded into action,
Meilcour grabbed her hand and looked her in the eye. She blushed and told him
he should go, but the way she arranged herself on the sofa and looked back at
him suggested he should do the opposite. Yet Meilcour still hesitated: she had
told him to go, and if he disobeyed she might cause a scene, and might never
forgive him; he would have made a fool of himself, and everyone, including his
mother, would hear of it. He soon got up, apologizing for his momentary
boldness. Her astonished and somewhat cold look meant he had indeed gone too
far, he imagined, and he said goodbye and left. Meilcour and Madame de Lursay
appear in the novel The Wayward Head and Heart, written in 1738 by Crebillon
fils, who based his characters on libertines he knew in the France of the time.
For Crebillon fils, seduction is all about signs-about being able to send them
and read them. This is not Now one of the twain was a bold man, and well
knowing how the party had been madefor something else than merely to walk and
take the air, and judging by his lady's face, which he saw to be all a-fire,
that she had longings to taste other fare than the muscatels that hung on the
trellis, as also by her hot, wanton, and wild speech, he did promptly seize on
so fair an opportunity. So catching hold of her without the least ceremony, he
did lay her on a little couch that was there made of turf and clods of earth,
and did very pleasantly work his will of her, without her ever uttering a word
but only: "Heavens! Sir, what are you at? Surely you be the maddest and
strangest fellow ever was! If anyone comes, whatever will they say? Great heavens!
get out!" But the gentleman, without disturbing himself, did so well
continue what he had begun that he did finish, and she to boot, with such
content as that after taking three or four turns up and down the alley, they
did presently start afresh. Anon, coming forth into another, open, alley, they
did see in another part of the garden the other pair, who were walking about
together just as they had left them at first. Whereupon the
lady,wellcontent,didsay to the gentleman in the like condition, "I verily
believe so and so hath played the silly prude, and hath given his lady no other
entertainment but only words, fine speeches, and promenading." • Afterward
when allfour were come together, the two ladies did fall to asking one another
140 how it had fared with each. Then the one which was well content did reply
she was exceeding well, indeed she was; indeedfor the nonce she could scarce be
better. The other, which was ill content, did declare for her part she had had
to with the biggestfool and most coward lover she had ever seen; and all the
time the two gentlemen could see them laughing together as they walked and
crying out: "Oh! the silly fool! the shamefaced poltroon and coward!"
At this the successful gallant said to his companion: "Hark to our ladies,
which do cry out at you, and mock you sore. You will find you have overplayed
the prude and coxcomb this bout." So much he did allow; but there was no
more time to remedy his error, for opportunity gave him no other handle to
seize her by. -SEIGNEUR DE BRANTOME, LIVES OF FAIR & GALLANT LADIES.
TRANSLATED BY A. R.. ALLINSON because sexuality is repressed and requires
speaking in code. It is rather because wordless communication (through clothes,
gestures, actions) is the most pleasurable, exciting, and seductive form of
language. In Crebillon fils's novel, Madame de Lursay is an ingenious
seductress who finds it exciting to initiate young men. But even she cannot
overcome the youthful stupidity of Meilcour, who is incapable of reading her
sigas because he is absorbed in his own thoughts. Later in the story, she does
manage to educate him, but in real life there are many who cannot be educated.
They are too literal and insensitive to the details that contain seductive
power. They do not so much repel as irritate and infuriate you by their
constant misinterpretations, always viewing life from behind screen of their
ego and unable to see things as they really are. Meilcour is so caught up in
himself he cannot see that Madame is expecting him to make the bold move to
which she will have to succumb. His hesitation shows that he is thinking of
himself, not of her; that he is worrying about how he will look, not feeling
overwhelmed by her charms. Nothing could be more anti-seductive. Recognize such
types, and if they are past the young age that would give them an excuse, do
not entangle yourself in their awkwardness-they will infect you with doubt. 4.
In the Heian court of late-tenth-century lapan, the young nobleman Kaoru,
purported son of the great seducer Genji himself, had had nothing but
misfortune in love. He had become infatuated with a young princess, Oigimi, who
lived in a dilapidated home in the countryside, her father having fallen on
hard times. Then one day he had an encounter with Oigimi's sister, Nakanokimi,
that convinced him she was the one he actually loved. Confused, he returned to
court, and did not visit the sisters for some time. Then their father died,
followed shortly thereafter by Oigimi herself. Now Kaoru realized his mistake:
he had loved Oigimi all along, and she had died out of despair that he did not
care for her. He would never meet like again; she was all he could think about.
When Nakanokimi, her father and sister dead, came to live at court, Kaoru had
the house where Oigimi and her family had lived turned into a shrine. One day,
Nakanokimi, seeing the melancholy into which Kaoru had fallen, told him that
there was a third sister, Ukifune, who resembled his beloved Oigimi and lived
hidden away in the countryside. Kaoru came to life-perhaps he had a chance to
redeem himself, to change the past. But how could he meet this woman? There
came a time when he visited the shrine to pay his respects to the departed
Oigimi, and heard that the mystea glimpse of her through the crack in a door.
The sight of her took his breath away; although she was a plain-looking country
girl, in Kaoru's eyes she was the living incarnation of Oigimi. Her voice,
meanwhile, was like The Anti-Seducer • 141 the voice of Nakanokimi, whom he had
loved as well. Tears welled up in his eyes. A few months later Kaoru managed to
find the house in the mountains where Ukifune lived. He visited her there, and
she did not disappoint. "I once had a glimpse of you through a crack in a
door," he told her, and "you have been very much on my mind ever
since." Then he picked her up in his arms and carried her to a waiting
carriage. He was taking her back to the shrine, and the journey there brought
back to him the image of Oigimi; again his eyes clouded with tears. Looking at
Ukifune, he silently compared her to Oigimi-her clothes were less nice but she
had beautiful hair. When Oigimi was alive, she and Kaoru had played the koto
together, so once at the shrine he had kotos brought out. Ukifune did not play
as well as Oigimi had, and her manners were less refined. Not to worry-he would
give her lessons, change her into a lady. But then, as he had done with Oigimi,
Kaoru returned to court, leaving Ukifune languishing at the shrine. Some time
passed before he visited her again; she had improved, was more beautiful than
before, but he could not stop thinking of Oigimi. Once again he left her,
promising to bring her to court, but more weeks passed, and finallyhereceived
the news that Ukifune had disappeared, last seen heading toward a river. She had
most likely committed suicide. At the funeral ceremony for Ukifune, Kaoru was
wracked with guilt: why had he not come for her earlier? She deserved a better
fate. Kaoru and the others appear in the eleventh-century Japanese novel The
Tale of Genji, by the noblewoman Murasaki Shikibu. The characters are based on
people the author knew, but Kaoru's type appears in every culture and period:
these are men and women who seem to be searching for an ideal partner. The one
they have is never quite right; at first glance a person excites them, but they
soon see faults, and when a new person crosses their path, he or she looks
better and the first person is forgotten. These types often try to work on the
imperfect mortal who has excited them, to improve them culturally and morally.
But this proves extremely unsatisfactory for both parties. The truth about this
type is not that they are searching for an ideal but that they are hopelessly
unhappy with themselves. You may mistake their dissatisfaction for a perfectionist's
high standards, but in point of fact nothing will really satisfy them, for
their unhappiness is deep-rooted. You can recognize them by their past, which
will be littered with short-lived, stormy romances. Also, they will tend to
compare you to others, and to try to remake you. You may not realize at first
what you have gotten into, but people like this will eventually prove
hopelessly anti-seductive because they cannot see your individual qualities.
Cut the romance off before it happens. These types are closet sadists and will
torture you with their unreachable goals. 5. In 1762, in the city of Turin,
Italy, Giovanni Giacomo Casanova made the acquaintance of one Count A.B., a
Milanese gentleman who seemed to like him enormously. The count had fallen on hard
times and Casanova lent him some money. In gratitude, the count invited
Casanova to stay with him and his wife in Milan. His wife, he said, was from
Barcelona, and was admired far and wide for her beauty. He showed Casanova her
letters, which had an intriguing wit; Casanova imagined her as a prize worth
seducing. He went to Milan. Arriving at the house of Count A.B., Casanova found
that the Spanish lady was certainly beautiful, but that she was also quiet and
serious. Something about her bothered him. As he was unpacking his clothes, the
countess saw a stunning red dress, trimmed with sable, among his belongings. It
was a gift, Casanova explained, for any Milanese lady who won his heart. The
following evening at dinner, the countess was suddenly more friendly, teasing
and bantering with Casanova. She described the dress as a bribe-he would use it
to persuade a woman to give in to him. On the contrary, said Casanova, he only
gave gifts afterward, as tokens of his appreciation. That evening, in a
carriage on the way back from the opera, she asked him if a wealthy friend of
hers could buy the dress, and when he said no, she was clearly vexed. Sensing
her game, Casanova offered to give her the sable dress if she was kind to him.
This only made her angry, and they quarreled. Finally Casanova had had enough
of the countess's moods: he sold the dress for 15,000 francs to her wealthy
friend, who in turn gave it to her, as she had planned all along. But to prove
his lack of interest in money, Casanova told the countess he would give her the
15,000 francs, no strings attached. "You are a very bad man," she
said, "but you can stay, you amuse me." She resumed her coquettish
manner, but Casanova was not fooled. "It is not my fault, madame, if your
charms have so little power over me," he told her. "Here are 15,000
francs to console you." He laid the money on a table and walked out,
leaving the countess fuming and vowing revenge. When Casanova first met the
Spanish lady, two things about her repelled him. First, her pride: rather than
engaging in the give-and-take of seduction, she demanded a man's subjugation.
Pride can reflect self-assurance, signaling that you will not abase yourself
before others. Just as often, though, it stems from an inferiority complex,
which demands that others abase themselves before you. Seduction requires an
openness to the other person, a willingness to bend and adapt. Excessive pride,
without anything to justify it, is highly anti-seductive. The second quality
that disgusted Casanova was the countess's greed: her coquettish little games
were designed only to get the dress-she had no interest in romance. For
Casanova, seduction was a lighthearted game that people played for their mutual
amusement. In his scheme of things, it was fine if a woman wanted money and
gifts as well; he could understand that desire, and he was a generous man. But
he also felt that this was a desire a The Anti-Seducer • 143 woman should
disguise-she should create the impression that what she was after was pleasure.
The person who is obviously angling for money or other material reward can only
repel. If that is your intention, if you are looking for something other than
pleasure-for money, for power-never show it. The suspicion of an ulterior
motive is anti-seductive. Never let anything break the illusion. 6. In 1868,
Queen Victoria of England hosted her first private meeting with the country's
new prime minister, William Gladstone. She had met him before, and knew his
reputation as a moral absolutist, but this was to be a ceremony, an exchange of
pleasantries. Gladstone, however, had no patience for such things. At that
first meeting he explained to the queen his theory of royalty: the queen, he
believed, had to play an exemplary role in England-a role she had lately failed
to live up to, for she was overly private. This lecture set a bad tone for the
future, and things only got worse: soon Victoria was receiving letters from
Gladstone, addressing the subject in even greater depth. Half of them she never
bothered to read, and soon she was doing everything she could to avoid contact
with the leader of her government; if she had to see him, she made the meeting
as brief as possible. To that end, she never allowed him to sit down in her
presence, hoping that a man his age would soon tire and leave. For once he got
going on a subject dear to his heart, he did not notice your look of
disinterest or the tears in your eyes from yawning. His memoranda on even the
simplest of issues would have to be translated into plain English for her by a
member of her staff. Worst of all, Gladstone argued with her, and his arguments
had a way of making her feel stupid. She soon learned to nod her head and
appear to agree with whatever abstract point he was trying to make. In a letter
to her secretary, referringtoherselfin the third person, she wrote, "She
always felt in [Gladstone's] manner an overbearing obstinacy and imperiousness
. . . which she never experienced from anyone else, and which she found most
disagreeable." Over the years, these feelings hardened into an unwaning
hatred. As the head of the Liberal Party, Gladstone had a nemesis, Benjamin
Disraeli, the head of the Conservative Party. He considered Disraeli amoral, a
devilish Jew. At one session of Parliament, Gladstone tore into his rival,
scoring point after point as he described where his opponents policies would
lead. Growing angry as he spoke (as usually happened when he talked of
Disraeli), he pounded the speaker's table with such force that pens and papers
went flying. Through all of this Disraeli seemed half-asleep. When Gladstone
had finished, he opened his eyes, rose to his feet, and calmly walked up to the
table. "The right honorable gentleman," he said, "has spoken
with much passion, much eloquence, and much- ahem - violence." Then, after
a drawn-out pause, he continued, "But the damage can be repaired"-and
he proceeded to gather up everything that had fallen from the table and put
them back in place. The speech that followed was all the more masterful for its
calm and ironic contrast to Gladstone's. The members of Parliament were
spellbound, andallof them agreed he had won the day. If Disraeli was the
consummate social seducer and charmer, Gladstone was the Anti-Seducer. Of
course he had supporters, mostly among the more puritanical elements of
society-he twice defeated Disraeli in a general election. But he found it hard
to broaden his appeal beyond the circle of believers. Women in particular found
him insufferable. Of course they had no vote at the time, so they were little political
liability; but Gladstone had no patience for a feminine point of view. A woman,
he felt, had to learn to see things as a man did, and it was his purpose in
life to educate those he felt were irrational or abandoned by God. It did not
take long for Gladstone to wear on anyone's nerves. That is the nature of
people who are convinced of some truth, but have no patience for a different
perspective or for dealing with someone else's psychology. These types are
bullies, and in the short term they often get their way, particularly among the
less aggressive. But they stir up a lot of resentment and unspoken antipathy,
which eventually trips them up. People see through their righteous moral
stance, which is most often a cover for a power play-morality is a form of
power. A seducer never seeks to persuade directly, never parades his or her
morality,
neverlecturesorimposes.Everythingissubtle,psychological,andindirect.Symbol: The
Crab. In a harsh world, the crab survives by its hardened shell, by the threat
of its pincers, and by burrowing into the sand. No one dares get too close. But
the Crab cannot surprise its enemy and has little mobility. Its defensive
strength is its supreme limitation. Uses of Anti-Seduction T he best way to
avoid entanglements with Anti-Seducers is to recognize them right away and give
them a wide berth, but they often deceive us. Involvements with these types are
painful, and are hard to disengage from, because the more emotional response
you show, the more engaged you seem to be. Do not get angry-that may only
encourage them or exacerbate their anti-seductive tendencies. Instead, act
distant and indifferent, pay no attention to them, make them feel how little
they matter to you. The best antidote to an Anti-Seducer is often to be anti-seductive
yourself. Cleopatra had a devastating effect on every man who crossed her path.
Octavius-the future Emperor Augustus, and the man who would defeat and destroy
Cleopatra's lover Mark Antony-was well aware of her power, and defended himself
against it by being always extremely amiable with her, courteous to the
extreme, but never showing the slightest emotion, whether of interest or
dislike. In other words, he treated her as if she were any other woman. Facing
this front, she could not sink her hooks into him. Octavius made anti-seduction
his defense against the most irresistible woman in history. Remember: seduction
is a game of attention, of slowly filling the other person's mind with your
presence. Distance and inattention will create the opposite effect, and can be
used as a tactic when the need arises. Finally, if you really want to
"anti-seduce," simply feign the qualities listed at the beginning of
the chapter. Nag; talk a lot, particularly about yourself; dress against the
other person's tastes; pay no attention to detail; suffocate, and so on. A word
of warning: with the arguing type, the Windbag, never talk back too much. Words
will only fan the flames. Adopt the Queen Victoria strategy: nod, seem to
agree, then find an excuse to cut the conversation short. This is the only
defense. the seducer's Victims- The Eighteen Types The people around you are
all potential victims of a seduction, but first you must know what type of
victim you are dealing with. Victims are categorized by what they feel they are
missing in life - adventure, attention, romance, a naughty experience, mental
or physical stimulation, etc. Once you identify their type, you have the
necessary ingredients for a seduction: you will be the one to give them what
they lack and cannot get on their own. In studying potential victims, learn to
see the reality behind the appearance. A timid person may yearn to play the
star; a prude may long for a transgressive thrill. Never try to seduce your own
type. ooo o o o Victim Theory N obody in this world feels whole and complete.
We all sense some gap in our character, something we need or want but cannot
get on our own. When we fall in love, it is often with someone who seems to
fill that gap. The process is usually unconscious and depends on luck: we wait
for the right person to cross our path, and when we fall for them we hope they
return our love. But the seducer does not leave such things to chance. Look at
the people around you. Forget their social exterior, their obvious character
traits; look behind all of that, focusing on the gaps, the missing pieces in
their psyche. That is the raw material of any seduction. Pay close attention to
their clothes, their gestures, their offhand comments, the things in their
house, certain looks in their eyes; get them to talk about their past,
particularly past romances. And slowly the outline of those missing pieces will
come into view. Understand: people are constantly giving out signals as to what
they lack. They long for completeness, whether the illusion of it or the
reality, and if it has to come from another person, that person has tremendous
power over them. We may call them victims of a seduction, but they are almost
always willing victims. This chapter outlines the eighteen types of victims,
each one of which has a dominant lack. Although your target may well reveal the
qualities of more than one type, there is usually a common need that ties them
together. Perhaps you see someone as both a New Prude and a Crushed Star, but
what is common to both is a feeling of repression, and therefore a desire to be
naughty, along with a fear of not being able or daring enough. In identifying
your victim's type, be careful to not be taken in by outward appearances. Both
deliberately and unconsciously, we often develop a social exterior designed
specifically to disguise our weaknesses and lacks. For instance, you may think
you are dealing with someone who is tough and cynical, without realizing that
deep inside they have a soft sentimental core. They secretly pine for romance.
And unless you identify their type and the emotions beneath their toughness,
you lose the chance to truly seduce them. Most important: expunge the nasty
habit of thinking that other people have the same lacks you do. You may crave
comfort and security, but in giving comfort and security to someone else, on
the assumption they must want them as well, you are more likely smothering and
pushing them away. Never try to seduce someone who is of your own type.Youwill
be like two puzzles missing the same parts. 149 150 The Eighteen Types The
Reformed Rake or Siren. People of this type were once happy-go- lucky seducers
who had their way with the opposite sex. But the day came when they were forced
to give this up-someone corraled them into a relationship, they were
encountering too much social hostility, they were getting older and decided to
settle down. Whatever the reason, you can be sure they feel some resentment and
a sense of loss, as if a limb were missing. We are always trying to recapture
pleasures we experienced in the past, but the temptation is particularly great
for the Reformed Rake or Siren because the pleasures they found in seduction
were intense. These types are ripe for the picking: all that is required is
that you cross their path and offer them the opportunity to resume their rakish
or siren ways. Their blood will stir and the call of their youth will overwhelm
them. It is critical, though, to give these types the illusion that they are
the ones doing the seducing. With the Reformed Rake, you must spark his
interest indirectly, then let him burn and glow with desire. With the Reformed
Siren, you want to give her the impression that she still has the irresistible
power to draw a man in and make him give up everything for her. Remember that what
you are offering these types is not another relationship, another constriction,
but rather the chance to escape the corral and have some ran. Do not be put off
if they are in a relationship; a preexisting commitment is often the perfect
foil. If hooking them into a relationship is what you want, hide it as best you
can and realize it may not be possible. The Rake or Siren is unfaithful by
nature; your ability to spark the old feeling gives you power, but then you
will have to live with the consequences of their feckless ways. The
Disappointed Dreamer. As children, these types probably spent a lot of time
alone. To entertain themselves they developed a powerful fantasy life, fed by
books and films and other kinds of popular culture. And as they get older, it
becomes increasingly difficult to reconcile their fantasy life with reality,
and so they are often disappointed by what they get. This is particularly true
in relationships. They have been dreaming of romantic heroes, of danger and
excitement, but what they have is lovers with human frailties, the petty
weaknesses of everyday life. As the years pass, they may force themselves to
compromise, because otherwise they would have to spend their lives alone; but
beneath the surface they are bitter and still hungering for something grand and
romantic. You can recognize this type by the books they read and
filmstheygoto,theway their ears prick up when told of the real-life adventures
some people manage to live out. In their clothes and home furnishings, a taste for
exuberant romance or drama will peek through. They are often trapped in drab
relationships, and little comments here and there will reveal their
disappointment and inner tension. The Seducer's Victims-The Eighteen Types
These types make for excellent and satisfying victims. First they usually have
a great deal of pent-up passion and energy, which you can release and focus on
yourself. They also have great imaginations and will respond to anything
vaguely mysterious or romantic that you offer them. All you need do is disguise
some of your less than exalted qualities and give them a part of their dream.
This could be the chance to live out their adventures or be courted by a
chivalrous soul. If you give them a part of what they want they will imagine
the rest. At all cost, do not let reality break the illusion you are creating.
One moment of pettiness and they will be gone, more bitterly disappointed than
ever. The Pampered Royal. These people were the classic spoiled children. All
of their wants and desires were met by an adoring parent-endless
entertainments, a parade of toys, whatever kept them happy for a day or two.
Where many children learn to entertain themselves, inventing games and finding
friends. Pampered Royals are taught that others will do the entertaining for
them. Being spoiled, they get lazy, and as they get older and the parent is no
longer there to pamper them, they tend to feel quite bored and restless. Their
solution is to find pleasure in variety, to move quickly from person to person,
job to job, or place to place before boredom sets in. They do not settle into
relationships well because habit and routine of some kind are inevitable in
such affairs. But their ceaseless search for variety is tiring for them and
comes with a price: work problems, strings of unsatisfying romances, friends
scattered across the globe. Do not mistake their restlessness and infidelity
for reality-what the Pampered Prince or Princess is really looking for is one
person, that parental figure, who will give them the spoiling they crave. To
seduce this type, be ready to provide a lot of distraction-new places to visit,
novel experiences, color, spectacle. You will have to maintain an air of
mystery, continually surprising your target with a new side to your character.
Variety is the key. Once Pampered Royals are hooked, things get easier for they
will quickly grow dependent on you and you can put out less effort. Unless
their childhood pampering has made them too and lazy, these types make
excellent victims-they will beasloyal to you as they once were to mommy or
daddy. But you will have to do much of the work. If you are after a long
relationship, disguise it. Offer long-term security to a Pampered Royal and you
will induce a panicked flight. Recognize these types by the turmoil in their
past-job changes, travel, short-term relationships-and by the air of
aristocracy, no matter their social class, that comes from once being treated
like royalty. The New Prude. Sexual prudery still exists, but it is less common
than it was. Prudery, however, is neverjust about sex; a prude is someone who
is excessively concerned with appearances, with what society considers ap-
propriate and acceptable behavior. Prudes rigorously stay within the boundaries
of correctness because more than anything they fear society's judgment. Seen in
this light, prudery is just as prevalent as it always was. The New Prude is
excessively concerned with standards of goodness, fairness, political
sensitivity, tastefulness, etc. What marks the New Prude, though, as well as
the old one, is that deep down they are actually excited and intrigued by
guilty, transgressive pleasures. Frightened by this attraction, they run in the
opposite direction and become the most correct of all. They tend to wear drab
colors; they certainly never take fashion risks. They can be very judgmental
and critical of people who do take risks and are less correct. They are also
addicted to routine, which gives them a way to tamp down their inner turmoil.
New Prudes are secretly oppressed by their correctness and long to transgress.
Just as sexual prudes make prime targets for a Rake or Siren, the New Prude
will often be most tempted by someone with a dangerous or naughty side. If you
desire a New Prude, do not be taken in by theirjudg- ments of you or their
criticisms. That is only a sign of how deeply you fascinate them; you are on
their mind. You can often draw a New Prude into a seduction, in fact, by giving
them the chance to criticize you or even try to reform you. Take nothing of what
they say to heart, of course, but now you have the perfect excuse to spend time
with them-and New Prudes can be seduced simply through being in contact with
you. These types actually make excellent and rewarding victims. Once you open
them up and get them to let go of their correctness, they are flooded with
feelings and energies. They may even overwhelm you. Perhaps they are in a
relationship with someone as drab as they themselves seem to be-do not be put
off. They are simply asleep, waiting to be awakened. The Crushed Star. We all
want attention, we all want to shine, but with most of us these desires are
fleeting and easily quieted.Theproblemwith Crushed Stars is that at one point
in their lives they did find themselves the center of attention-perhaps they
were beautiful, charming and effervescent, perhaps they were athletes, or had
some other talent-but those days are gone. They may seem to have accepted this,
but the memory of having once shone is hard to get over. In general, the
appearance of wanting attention, of trying to stand out, is not seen too kindly
in polite society or in the workplace. So to get along. Crushed Stars learn to
tamp down their desires; but failing to get the attention they feel they
deserve, they also become resentful. You can recognize Crushed Stars by certain
unguarded moments; they suddenly receive some attention in a social setting,
and it makes them glow; they mention their glory days, and there is a little
glint in the eye; a little wine in the system, and they become effervescent.
Seducing this type is simple: just make them the center of attention. When you
are with them, act as if they were stars and you were basking in their glow.
Get them to talk, particularly about themselves. In social situations, mute
your own colors and let them look funny and radiant by comparison. In general,
play the Charmer. The reward of seducing Crushed Stars is that you stir up
powerful emotions. They will feel intensely grateful to you for letting them
shine. To whatever extent they had felt crushed and bottled up, the easing of
that pain releases intensity and passion, all directed at you. They will fall
madly in love. If you yourself have any star or dandy tendencies it is wise to
avoid such victims. Sooner or later those tendencies will come out, and the
competition between you will be ugly. The Novice. What separates Novices from
ordinary innocent young people is that they are fatally curious. They have
little or no experience of the world, but have been exposed to it secondhand-in
newspapers, films, books. Finding their innocence a burden, they long to be
initiated into the ways of the world. Everyone sees them as so sweet and
innocent, but they know this isn't so-they cannot be as angelic as people think
them. Seducing a Novice is easy. To do it well, however, requires a bit of art.
Novices are interested in people with experience, particularly people with a
touch of corruption and evil. Make that touch too strong, though, and it will
intimidate and frighten them. What works best with a Novice is a mix of
qualities. You are somewhat childlike yourself, with a playful spirit. At the
same time, it is clear that you have hidden depths, even sinister ones. (This
was the secret of Lord Byron's success with so many innocent women.) You are initiating
your Novices not just sexually but experien- tially,exposingthem to new ideas,
taking them to new places, new worlds both literal and metaphoric. Do not make
your seduction ugly or seedy- everything must be romantic, even including the
evil and dark side of life. Young people have their ideals; it is best to
initiate them with an aesthetic touch. Seductive language works wonders on
Novices, as does attention to detail. Spectacles and colorful events appeal to
their sensitive senses. They are easily misled by these tactics, because they
lack the experience to see through them. Sometimes Novices are a little older
and have been at least somewhat educated in the ways of the world. Yet they put
on a show of innocence, for they see the power it has over older people. These
are coy Novices, aware of the game they are playing-but Novices they remain.
They may be less easily misled than purer Novices, but the way to seduce them
is pretty much the same-mix innocence and corruption and you will fascinate
them. The Conqueror. These types have an unusual amount of energy, which they
find difficult to control. They are always on the prowl for people to conquer,
obstacles to surmount. You will not always recognize Conquerors by their
exterior-they can seem a little shy in social situations and can have a degree
of reserve. Look not at their words or appearance but at their actions, in work
and inrelationships. They love power, and by hook or by crook they get it.
Conquerors tend to be emotional, but their emotion only comes out in outbursts,
when pushed. In matters of romance, the worst thing you can do with them is lie
down and make yourself easy prey; they may take advantage of your weakness, but
they will quickly discard you and leave you the worse for wear. You want to
give Conquerors a chance to be aggressive, to overcome some resistance or
obstacle, before letting them think they have overwhelmed you. You want to give
them a good chase. Being a little difficult or moody, using coquetry, will
often do the trick. Do not be intimidated by their aggressiveness and
energy-that is precisely what you can turn to your advantage. To break them in,
keep them charging back and forth like a bull. Eventually they will grow weak
and dependent, as Napoleon became the slave ofJosephine. The Conqueror is
generally male but there are plenty of female Conquerors out there-Lou
Andreas-Salome and Natalie Barney are famous ones. Female Conquerors will
succumb to coquetry, though, just as the male ones will. The Exotic Fetishist.
Most of us are excited and intrigued by the exotic. What separates Exotic
Fetishists from the rest of us is the degree of this interest, which seems to
govern all their choices in life. Intruththeyfeelempty inside and have a strong
dose of self-loathing. They do not like wherever it is they come from, their
social class (usually middle or upper), and their culture because they do not
like themselves. These types are easy to recognize. They like to travel; their
houses are filled with objets from faraway places; they fetishize the music or
art of this or that foreign culture. They often have a strong rebellious
streak. Clearly the way to seduce them is to position yourself as exotic-if you
do not at least appear to come from a different background or race, or to have
some alien aura, you should not even bother. But it is always possible to play
up what makes you exotic, to make it a kind of theater for their amusement.
Your clothes, the things you talk about, the places you take them, make a show
of your difference. Exaggerate a little and they will imagine the rest, because
such types tend to be self-deluders. Exotic Fetishists, however, do not make
particularly good victims. Whatever exoticism you have will soon seem banal to
them, and they will want something else. It will be a struggle to hold their
interest. Their underlying insecurity will also keep you on edge. One variation
on this type is the man or woman who is trapped in a stultifying relationship,
a banal occupation, a dead-end town. It is circumstance, as opposed topersonal
neurosis, that makes such people fetishize the exotic; and these Exotic
Fetishists are better victims than the self-loathing kind, because you can
offer them a temporary escape from whatever oppresses them. Nothing, however,
will offer true Exotic Fetishists escape from themselves. The Drama Queen.
There are people who cannot do without some constant drama in their lives-it is
their way of deflecting boredom. The greatest mistake you can make in seducing
these Drama Queens is to come offering stability and security. That will only
make them run for the hills. Most often. Drama Queens (and there are plenty of
men in this category) enjoy playing the victim. They want something to complain
about, they want pain. Pain is a source of pleasure for them. With this type,
you have to be willing and able to give them the mental rough treatment they
desire. That is the only way to seduce them in a deep manner. The moment you
turn too nice, they will find some reason to quarrel or get rid of you. You will
recognize Drama Queens by the number of people who have hurt them, the
tragedies and traumas that have befallen them. At the extreme, they can be
hopelessly selfish and anti-seductive, but most of them are relatively harmless
and will make fine victims if you can live with the sturm und
drang.Ifforsomereasonyouwantsomethinglongterm with this type, you will
constantly have to inject drama into your relationship. For some this can be an
exciting challenge and a source for constantly renewing the relationship.
Generally, however, you should see an involvement with a Drama Queen as
something fleeting and a way to bring a little drama into your own life. The
Professor. These types cannot get out of the trap of analyzing and criticizing
everything that crosses their path. Their minds are overdeveloped and
overstimulated. Even when they talk about love or sex, it is with great thought
and analysis. Having developed their minds at the expense of their bodies, many
of them feel physically inferior and compensate by lording their mental
superiority over others. Their conversation is often wry or ironic-you never
quite know what they are saying, but you sense them looking down on you. They
would like to escape their mental prisons, they would like pure physicality, without
any analysis, but they cannot get there on their own. Professor types sometimes
engage in relationships with other professor types, or with people they can
treat as inferiors. But deep down they long to be overwhelmed by someone with
physical presence-a Rake or a Siren, for instance. Professors can make
excellent
victims,forunderneaththeirintellectualstrengthliegnawinginsecurities.MakethemfeellikeDon
Juans or Sirens, to even the slightest degree, and they are your slaves. Many
of them have a masochistic streak that will come out once you stir their
dormant senses. You are offering an escape from the mind, so make it as
complete as possible: if you have intellectual tendencies yourself, hide them.
They will only 156stir your target's competitive juices and get their minds
turning. Let your Professors keep their sense of mental superiority; let
themjudge you. You will know what they will try to hide: that you are the one
in control, for you are giving them what no one else can give them-physical
stimulation. The Beauty. From early on in life, the Beauty is gazed at by
others. Their desire to look at her is the source of her power, but also the
source of much unhappiness: she constantly worries that her powers are waning,
that she is no longer attracting attention. If she is honest with herself, she
also senses that being worshiped only for one's appearance is monotonous and
unsatisfying-and lonely. Many men are intimidated by beauty and prefer to
worship it from afar; others are drawn in, but not for the purpose of
conversation. The Beauty suffers from isolation. Because she has so many lacks,
the Beauty is relatively easy to seduce,andifdoneright,youwill have won not
only a much prized catch but someone who will grow dependent on what you
provide. Most important in this seduction is to validate those parts of the
Beauty that no one else appreciates-her intelligence (generally higher than
people imagine), her skills, her character. Of course you must worship her
body-you cannot stir up any insecurities in the one area in which she knows her
strength, and \the strength on which she most depends-but you also must worship
her mind and soul. Intellectual stimulation will work well on the Beauty,
distracting her from her doubts and insecurities, and making it seem that you
value that side of her personality. Because the Beauty is always being looked
at, she tends to be passive. Beneath her passivity, though, there often lies
frustration: the Beauty would love to be more active and to actually do some
chasing of her own. A little coquettishness can work well here: at some point
in all your worshiping, you might go a little cold, inviting her to come after
you. Train her to be more active and you will have an excellent victim. The
only downside is that her many insecurities require constant attention and
care. The Aging Baby. Some people refuse to grow up. Perhaps they are afraid of
death or of growing old; perhaps they are passionately attached to the life
they led as children. Disliking responsibility, they struggle to turn
everything into play and recreation. In their twenties they can be charming, in
their thirties interesting, but by the time they reach their forties they are
beginning to wear thin. Contrary to what you might imagine, one Aging Baby does
not want to be involved with another Aging Baby, even though the combination
might seem to increase the chances for play and frivolity. The Aging Baby does
not want competition, but an adult figure. If you desire to seduce this type,
you must be prepared to be the responsible, staid one. That may be a strange
way of seducing, but in this case it works. You should appear to like the Aging
Baby's youthful spirit (it helps if you actually do), can engage with it, but
you remain the indulgent adult. By being responsible you free the Baby to play.
Act the loving adult to the hilt, neverjudging or criticizing their behavior,
and a strong attachment will form. Aging Babies can be amusing for a while,
but, like all children, they are often potently narcissistic. This limits the
pleasure you can have with them. You should see them as short-term amusements
or temporary outlets for your frustrated parental instincts. The Rescuer. We
are often drawn to people who seem vulnerable or weak-their sadness or
depression can actually be quite seductive. There are people, however, whotake
this much further, who seem to be attracted only to people with problems. This
may seem noble, but Rescuers usually have complicated motives: they often have
sensitive natures and truly want to help. At the same time, solving people's
problems gives them a kind of power they relish-it makes them feel superior and
in control. It is also the perfect way to distract them from their own
problems. You will recognize these types by their empathy-they listen well and
try to get you to open up and talk. You will also notice they have histories of
relationships with dependent and troubled people. Rescuers can make excellent
victims, particularly if you enjoy chivalrous or maternal attention. If you are
a woman, play the damsel in distress, giving a man the chance so many men long
for-to act the knight. If you are a man, play the boy who cannot deal with this
harsh world; a female Rescuer will envelop you in maternal attention, gaining
for herself the added satisfaction of feeling more powerful and in control than
a man. An air of sadness will draw either gender in. Exaggerate your
weaknesses, but not through overt words or gestures-let them sense that you
have had too little love, that you have had a string of bad relationships, that
you have gotten a raw deal in life. Having lured your Rescuer in with the
chance to help you, you can then stokethe relationship's fires with a steady
supply of needs and vulnerabilities. You can also invite moral rescue: you are
bad. You have done bad things. You need a stem yet loving hand. In this case
the Rescuer gets to feel morally superior, but also the vicarious thrill of
involvement with someone naughty. The Roue. These types have lived the good
life and experienced many pleasures. They probably have, or once had, a good
deal of money to finance their hedonistic lives. On the outside they tend to
seem cynical and jaded, but their worldliness often hides a sentimentality that
they have stmggled to repress. Roues are consummate seducers, but there is one
type that can easily seduce them-the young and the innocent. As they get 158
older, they hanker after their lost youth; missing their long-lost innocence,
they begin to covet it in others. If you should want to seduce them, you will probably
have to be somewhat young and to have retained at least the appearance of
innocence. It is easy to play this up-make a show of how little experience you
have in the world, how you still see things as a child. It is also good to seem
to resist their advances: Roues will think it lively and exciting to chase you.
You can even seem to dislike or distrust them-that will really spur them on. By
being the one who resists, you control the dynamic. And sinceyou have the youth
that they are missing, you can maintain the upper hand and make them fall
deeply in love. They will often be susceptible to such a fall, because they
have tamped down their own romantic tendencies for so long that when it bursts
forth, they lose control. Never give in too early, and never let your guard
down-such types can be dangerous. The Idol Worshiper. Everyone feels an inner
lack, but Idol Worshipers have a bigger emptiness than most people. They cannot
be satisfied with themselves, so they search the world for something to
worship, something to fill their inner void. This often assumes the form of a
great interest in matters or in some worthwhile cause; by focusing on something
supposedly elevated, they distract themselves from their own void, from what
they dislike about themselves. Idol Worshipers are easy to spot-they are the
ones pouring their energies into some cause or religion. They often move around
over the years, leaving one cult for another. The way to seduce these types is
to simply become their object of worship, to take the place of the cause or
religion to which they are so dedicated. At first you may have to seem to share
their spiritual interest, joining them in their worship, or perhaps exposing
them to a new cause; eventually you will displace it. With this type you have
to hideyourflaws, or at least to give them a saintly sheen. Be banal and Idol
Worshipers will pass you by. But mirror the qualities they aspire to have for
themselves and they will slowly transfer their adoration to you. Keep
everything on an elevated plane-let romance and religion flow into one. Keep
two things in mind when seducing this type. First, they tend to have overactive
minds, which can make them quite suspicious. Because they often lack physical
stimulation, and because physical stimulation will distract them, give them
some: a mountain trek, a boat trip, or sex will do the trick. But this takes a
lot of work, for their minds are always ticking. Second, they often suffer from
low self-esteem. Do not try to raise it; they will see through you, and your
efforts at praising them will clash with their own self-image. They are to
worship you; you are not to worship them. Idol Worshipers make perfectly
adequate victims in the short term, but their endless need to search will
eventually lead them to look for something new to adore. The Seducer's
Victims-The Eighteen Types • 159 The Sensualist. What marks these types is not
their love of pleasure but their overactive senses. Sometimes they show this
quality in their appearance-their interest in fashion, color, style. But
sometimes it is more subtle: because they are so sensitive, they areoften quite
shy, and they will shrink from standing out or being flamboyant. You will
recognize them by how responsive they are to their environment, how they cannot
stand a room without sunlight, are depressed by certain colors, or excited by
certain smells. They happen to live in a culture that deempha- sizes sensual
experience (except perhaps for the sense of sight). And so what the Sensualist
lacks is precisely enough sensual experiences to appreciate and relish. The key
to seducing them is to aim for their senses, to take them to beautiful places,
pay attention to detail, envelop them in spectacle, and of course use plenty of
physical lures. Sensualists, like animals, can be baited with colors and
smells. Appeal to as many senses as possible, keeping your targets distracted
and weak. Seductions of Sensualists are often easy and quick, and you can use
the same tactics again and again to keep them interested, although it is wise
to vary your sensual appeals somewhat, in kind if not in quality. That is how
Cleopatra worked on Mark Antony, an inveterate Sensualist. These types make
superb victims because they are relatively docile if you give them what they
want. The Lonely Leader. Powerful people are not necessarily different from
everyone else, but they are treated differently, and this has a big effect on
their personalities. Everyone around them tends to be fawning and courtierlike,
to have an angle, to want something from them. This makes them suspicious and
distrustful, and a little hard around the edges, but do not mistake the
appearance for the reality: Lonely Leaders long to be seduced, to have someone
break through their isolation and overwhelm them. The problem is that most
people are too intimidated to try, or use the kind of tactics-flattery,
charm-that they see through and despise. To seduce such types, it is better to
act like their equal or even their superior- the kind of treatment they never
get. If you are blunt with them you will seem genuine, and they will be
touched-you care enough to be honest, even perhaps at some risk. (Being blunt
with the powerful can be dangerous.) Lonely Leaders can be made emotional by
inflicting some pain, followed by tenderness. This is one of the hardest types
to seduce, not only because they are suspicious but because their minds are
burdened with cares and responsi. They have less mental space for a seduction.
You will have to be patient and clever, slowly filling their minds with
thoughts of you. Succeed, though, and you can gain great power in turn, for in
their loneliness they will come to depend on you. The Floating Gender. All of
us have a mix of the masculine and the in our characters, but most of us learn
to develop and exhibit the socially acceptable side while repressing the other.
People of the Floating Gender type feel that the separation of the sexes into
such distinct genders is a burden. They are sometimes thought to be repressed
or latent homosexuals, but this is a misunderstanding: they may well be
heterosexual but their masculine and feminine sides are in flux, and because
this may discomfit others if they show it, they learn to repress it, perhaps by
going to one extreme. They would actually love to be able to play with their
gender, to give full expression to both sides. Many people fall into this type
without its being obvious: a woman may have a masculine energy, a man a
developed aesthetic side. Do not look for obvious signs, because these types
often go underground, keeping it under wraps. This makes them vulnerable to a
powerful seduction. What Floating Gender types are really looking for is
another person of uncertain gender, their counterpart from the opposite sex.
Show them that in your presence and they can relax, express the repressed side
of their character. If you have such proclivities, this is the one instance
where it would be best to seduce the same type of the opposite sex. Each person
will stir up repressed desires in the other and will suddenly have license to
explore all kinds of gender combinations, without fear of judgment. If you are
not of the Floating Gender, leave this type alone. You will only inhibit them
and create more discomfort. eductive process M ost of us understand that
certain actions on our part will have apleasing and seductive effect on the
person we would like to seduce. The problem is that we are generally too
self-absorbed: We think more about what we want from others than what they
could want from us. We may occasionally do something that is seductive, but
often we follow this up a with a selfish or aggressive action (we are in a
hurry to get what we want); or, unaware of what we are doing, we show a side of
ourselves that is petty and banal, deflating any illusions or fantasies a
person might have about us. Our attempts at seduction usually do not last long
enough to create much of an effect. You will not seduce anyone by simply
depending on your engaging personality, or by occasionally doing something
noble or alluring. Seduction is a process that occurs over time-the longer you
take and the slower you go, the deeper you will penetrate into the mind of your
victim. It is an art that requires patience, focus, and strategic thinking. You
need to always be one step ahead of your victim, throwing dust in their eyes,
casting a spell, keeping them off balance. The twenty-four chapters in this
section will arm you with a series of tactics that will help you get out of
yourself and into the mind of your victim, so that you can play it like an
instrument. The chapters are placed in a loose order, going from the initial
contact with your victim to the successful conclusion. This order is based on
certain timeless laws of human psychology. Because people's thoughts tend to
revolve around their daily concerns and insecurities, you cannot proceed with a
seduction until you slowly put their anxieties to sleep and fill their
distracted minds with thoughts of you. The opening chapters will help you
accomplish this. There is a natural tendency in relationships for people to
become so familiar with one another that boredom and stagnation set in. Mystery
is the lifeblood of seduction and to maintain it you have to constantly
surprise your victims, stir things up, even shock them. A seduction should
never settle into a comfortable routine. The middle and later chapters will
instruct you in the art of alternating hope and despair, pleasure and pain,
until your victims weaken and succumb. In each instance, one tactic is setting
up the next one, allowing you to push it further with something bolder and more
violent. A seducer cannot be timid or merciful. To help you move the seduction
along, the chapters are arranged in 163 164 • The Art of Seduction four phases,
each phase with a particular goal to aim for: getting the victim to think of
you; gaining access to their emotions by creating moments of pleasure and
confusion; going deeper by working on their unconscious, stirring up repressed
desires; and finally, inducing physical surrender. (The are clearly marked and
explained with a short introduction.) By following these phases you will work
more effectively on your victim's mind and create the slow and hypnotic pace of
a ritual. In fact, the seductive process may be thought of as a kind of
initiation ritual, in which you are uprooting people from their habits, giving
them novel experiences, putting them through tests, before initiating them into
a new life. It is best to read all of the chapters and gain as much knowledge
as possible. When it comes time to apply these tactics, you will want to pick
and choose which ones are appropriate for your particular victim; sometimes
only a few are sufficient, depending on the level of resistance you meet and
the complexity of your victim's problems. These tactics are equally applicable
to social and political seductions, minus the sexual component in Phase Four.
At all cost, resist the temptation to hurry to the climax of your seduction, or
to improvise. You are not being seductive but selfish. Everything in daily life
is hurried and improvised, and you need to offer something different. By taking
your time and respecting the seductive process you will not only break down
your victim's resistance, you will make them fall in love. Phase One Separation
- Stirring Interest and Desire Your victims live in their own worlds, their
minds occupied with anxieties and daily concerns. Your goal in this initial
phase is to slowly separate themfrom that closed world and fill their minds
with thoughts of you. Once you have decided whom to seduce (1: Choose the right
victim), your first task is to get your victims' attention, to stir interest in
you. For those who might be more resistant or difficult, you should try a
slower and more insidious approach, first winning their friendship (2: Create a
false sense of security-approach indirectly); for those who are bored and less
difficult to reach, a more dramatic approach will work, either fascinating them
with a mysterious presence (3; Send mixed signals) or seeming to be someone who
is coveted and fought over by others (4: Appear to be an object of desire).
Once the victim is properly intrigued, you need to transform their interest
into something stronger - desire. Desire is generally preceded by feelings of
emptiness, of something missing inside that needsfulfillment. You must
deliberately instill suchfeelings, make your victims aware of the adventure and
romance that are lacking in their lives (5: Create a need-stir anxiety and
discontent). If they see you as the one to fill their emptiness, interest will
blossom into desire. The desire should be stoked by subtly planting ideas in
their minds, hints of the seductive pleasures that await them (6: Master the
art of insinuation). Mirroring your victims' values, indulging them in their
wants and moods will charm and delight them (7: Enter their spirit). Without
realizing how it has happened, more and more of their thoughts now revolve
around you. The time has come for something stronger. Lure them with an
irresistible pleasure or adventure (8: Create temptation) and they will follow
your lead. 1 Choose the Right Victim Everything depends on the target of your
seduction. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose only those who will prove
susceptible to your charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill a
void, who see in you something exotic. They are often isolated or at least
somewhat unhappy (perhaps because of recent adverse circumstances), or can
easily be made so-for the completely contented person is almost impossible to
seduce. The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts you. The
strong emotions this quality inspires will help make your seductive maneuvers
seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim allows for the perfectchase.
Preparing for the Hunt T he young Vicomte de Valmont was a notorious libertine
in the Paris of the 1770s, the ruin of many a young girl and the ingenious
seducer of the wives of illustrious aristocrats. But after a while the
repetitiveness of it all began to bore him; his successes came too easily So
one year, during the sweltering, slow month of August, he decided to take a
break from Paris and visit his aunt at her chateau in the provinces. Life there
was not what he was used to-there were country walks, chats with the local
vicar, card games. His city friends, particularly his fellow libertine and
confidante the Marquise de Merteuil, expected him to hurry back. There were
other guests at the chateau, however, including the Presi- dente de Tourvel, a
twenty-two-year-old woman whose husband was temporarily absent, having work to
do elsewhere. The Presidente had been languishing at the chateau, waiting for
him to join her. Valmont had met her before; she was certainly beautiful, but
had a reputation as a prude who was extremely devoted to her husband. She was
not a court lady; her taste in clothing was atrocious (she always covered her
neck with ghastly frills) and her conversation lacked wit. For some reason,
however, far from Paris, Valmont began to see these traits in a new light. He
followed her to the where she went every morning to pray. He caught glimpses of
her at dinner, or playing cards. Unlike the ladies of Paris, she seemed unaware
of her charms; this excited him. Because of the heat, she wore a simple linen
dress, which revealed her figure. A piece of muslin covered her breasts,
letting him more than imagine them. Her hair, unfashionable in its slight
disorder, conjured the bedroom. And her face-he had never noticed how
expressive it was. Her features lit up when she gave alms to a beggar; she
blushed at the slightest praise. She was so natural and unself-conscious. And
when she talked of her husband, or religious matters, he could sense the depth
of her feelings. If such a passionate nature were ever detoured into a love
affair. . . . Valmont extended his stay at the chateau, much to the delight of
his aunt, who could not have guessed at the reason. And he wrote to the
Marquise de Merteuil, explaining his new ambition: to seduce Madame de Tourvel.
The Marquise was incredulous. He wanted to seduce this prude? If he succeeded,
how little pleasure she would give him, and if he failed, what a disgrace-the
great libertine unable to seduce a wife whose husband was far away! She wrote a
sarcastic letter, which only inflamed Valmont fur- The ninth • Have I become
blind? Has the inner eye of the soul lost its power? 1 have seen her, but it is
as if I had seen a heavenly revelation -so completely has her image vanished
again for me. In vain do I summon all the of my soul in order to conjure up this
image. If I ever see her again, I shall be able to recognize her instantly,
even though she stands among a hundred others. Now she has fled, and the eye of
my soul tries in vain to overtake her with its longing. I was walking along
Langelinie, seemingly nonchalantly and without paying attention to my
surroundings, although my reconnoitering glance leftnothing unobserved-and then
my eyesfell upon her. My eyes fixed unswervingly upon her. They no longer
obeyed their master's will; it was impossiblefor me to shift my gaze and thus
overlook the object I wanted to see-I did not look, I stared. As a
fencerfreezes in his lunge, so my eyes were fixed, petrified in the direction
initially taken. It was impossible to look down, impossible to withdraw my
glance, impossible to see, because I saw far too much. The only thing I have
retained is that she had on a green cloak, that is all-one could call it
capturing the cloud instead of Juno; she has escaped me . . .and left only her
cloak behind. . . . The girl made an impression on me. • The sixteenth • ... I
feel no impatience, for she must live here in the city, and at this moment that
is enough for me. This possibility is the condition for the
properappearanceofher image - everything will be enjoyed in slow drafts. ..."
The nineteenth • Cordelia, then, is her name! Cordelia! It is a beautiful name,
and that, too, is important, since it can be very disturbing to have to name an
ugly name together with the most tender adjectives. -S0REN KIERKEGAARD, THE
SEDUCER'S DIARY. TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. HONG AND EDNA H. HONG Love as
understood by Don Juan is a feeling akin to a taste for hunting. It is
cravingfor an activity which needs an incessant of stimuli to challenge skill.
-STENDHAL, LOVE. TRANSLATED BY GILBERT AND SUZANNE SALE It is not the quality
of the desired object that gives us pleasure, but rather the energy of our
appetites. -CHARLES BAUDELAIRE, THE END OF DON JUANther. The conquest of this
notoriously virtuous woman would prove his greatest seduction. His reputation
would only be enhanced. There was an obstacle, though, that seemed to make
success almost impossible: everyone knew Valmonfs reputation, including the
Presidente. She knew how dangerous it was to ever be alone with him, how people
would talk about the least association with him. Valmont did everything to
belie his reputation, even going so far as to attend church services and seem
repentant of his ways. The Presidente noticed, but still kept her distance. The
challenge she presented to Valmont was irresistible, but could he meet it?
Valmont decided to test the waters. One day he arranged a little walk with the
Presidente and his aunt. He chose a delightful path that they had never taken
before, but at a certain point they reached a little ditch, unsuitable for a
lady to cross on her own. And yet, Valmont said, the rest of the walk was too
nice for them to turn back, and he gallantly picked up his aunt in his arms and
carried her across the ditch, making the Presidente laugh uproariously. But
then it was her turn, and Valmont purposefully her up a little awkwardly, so
that she caught at his arms, and while he was holding her against him he could
feel her heart beating faster, and her blush. His aunt saw this too, and cried
out, "The child is afraid!" But Valmont sensed otherwise. Now he knew
that the challenge could be met, that the Presidente could be won. The
seduction could proceed. Interpretation. Valmont, the Presidente de Tourvel,
and the Marquise de Merteuil are all characters in the eighteenth-century
French novel Dangerous Liaisons, by Choderlos de Laclos. (The character of
Valmont was inspired by several real-life libertines of the time, most
prominent of all the Duke de Richelieu.) In the story, Valmont worries that his
seductions have become mechanical; he makes a move, and the woman almost always
responds the same way. But no two seductions should be the same-a different
target should change the whole dynamic. Valmonfs problem is that he is always
seducing the same type-the wrong type. He realizes this when he meets Madame de
Tourvel. It is not because her husband is a count that he decides to seduce
her, or because she is stylishly dressed, or is desired by other men-the usual
reasons. He chooses her because, in her unconscious way, she has already
seduced him. A bare arm, an unrehearsed laugh, a playful manner-all these have
captured his attention, because none of them is contrived. Once he falls under
her spell, the strength of his desire will make his subsequent maneuvers seem
less calculated; he is apparently unable to help himself. And his strong
emotions will slowly infect her. Beyond the effect the Presidente has on
Valmont, she has other traits that make her the perfect victim. She is bored,
which draws her toward adventure. She is naive, and unable to see through his
tricks. Finally, the Achilles' heel; she believes herself immune to seduction.
Almost all of us Choose the Right Victim • 171 are vulnerable to the
attractions of other people, and we take precautions against unwanted lapses. Madame
de Tourvel takes none. Once Valmont has tested her at the ditch, and has seen
she is physically vulnerable, he knows that eventually she will fall. Life is
short, and should not be wasted pursuing and seducing the wrong people. The
choice of target is critical; it is the set up of the seduction and it will
determine everything else that follows. The perfect victim does not have
certain facial features, or the same taste in music, or similar goals in life.
That is how a banal seducer chooses his or her targets. The perfect victim is
the person who stirs you in a way that cannot be explained in words, whose
effect on you has nothing to do with superficialities. He or she often has a
quality that you yourself lack, and may even secretly envy- the Presidente, for
example, has an innocence that Valmont long ago lost or never had. There should
be a little bit of tension-the victim may fear you a little, even slightly
dislike you. Such tension is full of erotic potential and will make the
seduction much livelier. Be more creative in choosing your prey and you will be
rewarded with a more exciting seduction. Of course, it means nothing if the
potential victim is not open to your influence. Test the person first. Once you
feel that he or she is also vulnerable to you then the hunting can begin. It is
a stroke of good fortune to find one who is worth seducing. . . . Most people
rush ahead, become engaged or do other stupid things, and ina turn of the hand
everything is over, and they know neither what they have won nor what they have
lost. -S0REN KIERKEGAARD Keys to Seduction T hroughout life we find ourselves
having to persuade people-to seduce them. Some will be relatively open to our
influence, if only in subtle ways, while others seem impervious to our charms.
Perhaps we find this a mystery beyond our control, but that is an ineffective
way of dealing with life. Seducers, whether sexual or social, prefer to pick
the odds. As often as possible they go toward people who betray some
vulnerability to them, and avoid the ones who cannot be moved. To leave people
who are inaccessible to you alone is a wise path; you cannot seduce everyone.
On the other hand, you must actively hunt out the prey that responds the right
way. This will make your seductions that much more pleasurable and satisfying.
How do you recognize your victims? By the way they respond to you. You should
not pay so much attention to their conscious responses-a person who is
obviously trying to please or charm you is probably playing to your vanity, and
wants something from you. Instead, pay greater attention to those responses
outside conscious control-a blush, an involuntary mir- The daughter of desire
should strive to have the following lovers in their turn, as being mutually
restful
to her: a boy who has been loosed too soon from the authority and counsel of
his father, an author enjoying office with a rather simple-minded prince, a
merchant's son whose pride is in rivaling other lovers, an ascetic who is the
slave of love in secret, a king's son whose follies are boundless and who has a
tastefor rascals, the countrified son of some village Brahman, a married
woman's lover, a singer who has just pocketed a very large sum of money, the
master of a caravan but recently come in. . . .These brief instructions admit
of infinitely varied interpretation, dear child, according to the circumstance;
and it requires intelligence, insight and reflection to make the best of each
particular case. -EASTERN LOVE, VOLUME II: THE HARLOT'S BREVIARY OF KSHEMENDRA,
TRANSLATED BY E. POWYS MATHERS The women who can be easily won over to
congress: ... a woman who looks sideways at you; ... a woman who hates her
husband, or who is hated by him; ... a woman who has not had any children; ...
a woman who is very fond of society; a woman who is apparently very
affectionate toward her husband; the wife of an actor; a widow; ... a woman
fond of enjoyments; ... a vain woman; a woman whose husband is inferior to her
in rank or ability; a woman who is proud of her skill in the arts; ... a woman
who is slighted by her husband without any cause; ... a woman whose husband is
devoted to travelling; the wife of a jeweler; a jealous woman; a covetous
woman. -THE HINDI: ART OF LOVE. EDITED BY EDWARD WINDSOR Leisure stimulates
love, leisure watches the lovelorn, \ Leisure's the cause and sustenance of
this sweet \ Evil. Eliminate leisure, and Cupid's bow is broken, \ His torches
lie lightless, scorned. \ As a plane-tree rejoices in wine, as a poplar in
water, \As a marsh-reed in swampy ground, so Venus loves \ Leisure. . . . \ Why
do you think Aegisthus \ Became an adulterer? Easy: he was idle-and bored. \
Everyone else was away at Troy on a lengthy \ Campaign: all Greece had shipped
\ Its contingent across. Suppose he hankered for warfare? Argos \ Had no wars
to offer. Suppose he fancied the courts? \ Argos lacked litigation. Love was
better than doing nothing. \ That's how Cupid slips in; that's how he stays. -
ON ID, CURES FOR LOVE. TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN The Chinese have a proverb:
"When Yang is in the ascendant, Yin is bom," which means, translated
into our language, that when a man has devoted the better of his life to the
ordinary business of living, the Yin, raring of some gesture of yours, an
unusual shyness, even perhaps a flash of anger or resentment. All of these show
that you arehaving an effect on a person who is open to your influence. Like
Valmont, you can also recognize the right targets by the effect they are having
on you. Perhaps they make you uneasy-perhaps they correspond to a deep-rooted
childhood ideal, or represent some kind of personal taboo that excites you, or
suggest the person you imagine you would be if you were the opposite sex. When
a person has such a deep effect on you, it transforms all of your subsequent
maneuvers. Your face and gestures become more animated. You have more energy;
when victims resist you (as a good victim should) you in turn will be more
creative, more motivated to overcome their resistance. The seduction will move
forward like a good play. Your strong desire will infect the target and give
them the dangerous sensation that they have a power over you. Of course, you
are the one ultimately in control since you are making your victims emotional
at the right moments, leading them back and forth. Good seducers choose targets
that inspire them but they know how and when to restrain themselves. Never rush
into the waiting arms of the first person who seems to like you. That is not
seduction but insecurity. The need that draws you will make for a low-level attachment,
and interest on both sides will sag. Look at the types you have not considered
before-that is where you will find challenge and adventure. Experienced hunters
do not choose their prey by how easily it is caught; they want the thrill of
the chase, a life-and-death struggle-the fiercer the better. Although the
victim who is perfect for you depends on you, certain types lend themselves to
a more satisfying seduction. Casanova liked young women who were unhappy, or
had suffered a recent misfortune. Such women appealed to his desire to play the
savior, but it also responded to necessity: happy people are much harder to
seduce. Their contentment makes them inaccessible. It is always easier to fish
in troubled waters. Also, an air of sadness is itself quite seductive-Genji,
the hero of the Japanese novel The Tale of Genji, could not resist a woman with
a melancholic air. In Kierkegaard's book The Seducer's Diary, the narrator,
Johannes, has one main requirement in his victim: she must have imagination. That
is why he chooses a woman who lives in a fantasy world, a woman who will
envelop his every gesture in poetry, imagining far more than is there. Just as
it is hard to seduce a person who is happy, it is hard to seduce a person who
has no imagination. For women, the manly man is often the perfect victim. Mark
Antony was of this type-he loved pleasure, was quite emotional, and when it
came to women, found it hard to think straight. He was easy for Cleopatra to
manipulate. Once she gained a hold on his emotions, she kept him permanently on
a string. A woman should never be put off by a man who seems overly aggressive.
He is often the perfect victim. It is easy, with a few coquettish tricks, to
turn that aggression around and make him your slave. Such men actually enjoy
being made to chase after a woman. Choose the Right Victim • 173 Be careful
with appearances. The person who seems volcanically passionate is often hiding
insecurity and self-involvement. This was what most men failed to perceive in
the nineteenth-century courtesan Lola Montez. She seemed so dramatic, so
exciting. In fact, she was a troubled, self- obsessed woman, but by the time
men discovered this it was too late-they had become involved with her and could
not extricate themselves without months of drama and torture. People who are
outwardly distant or shy are often better targets than extroverts. They are
dying to be drawn out, and still waters run deep. People with a lot of time on
their hands are extremely susceptible to seduction. They have mental space for
you to fill. Tullia d'Aragona, the infamous sixteenth-century Italian
courtesan, preferred young men as her victims; besides the physical reason for
such a preference, they were moreidlethanworkingmenwithcareers,andtherefore
more defenseless against an ingenious seductress. On the other hand, you should
generally avoid people who are preoccupied with business or work-seduction
demands attention, and busy people have too little space in their minds for you
to occupy. According to Freud, seduction begins early in life, in our
relationship with our parents. They seduce us physically, both with bodily
contact and by satisfying desires such as hunger, and we in turn try to seduce
them into paying us attention. We are creatures by nature vulnerable to
seduction throughout our lives. We all want to be seduced; we yearn to be drawn
out of ourselves, out of our routines and into the drama of eros. And what
draws us more than anything is the feeling that someone has something we don't,
a quality we desire. Your perfect victims are often people who think you have
something they don't, and who will be enchanted to have it provided for them.
Such victims may have a temperament quite the opposite of yours, and this
difference will create an exciting tension. When Jiang Qing, later known as
Madame Mao, first met Mao Tse- tung in 1937 in his mountain retreat in western
China, she could sense how desperate he was for a bit of color and spice in his
life: all the camp's women dressedlikethemen,andabjuredanyfemininefinery. Jiang
had been anactress in Shanghai, and was anything but austere. She supplied what
he lacked, and she also gave him the added thrill of being able to educate her
in communism, appealing to his Pygmalion complex-the desire to dominate,
control, and remake a person. In fact it was Jiang Qing who controlled her
future husband. The greatest lack of all is excitement and adventure, which is
precisely what seduction offers. In 1964, the Chinese actor Shi Pei Pu, a man
who had gained fame as a female impersonator, met Bernard Bouriscout, a young
diplomat assigned to the French embassy in China. Bouriscout had come to China
looking for adventure, and was disappointed to have little contact with Chinese
people. Pretending to be a woman who, when still a child, had been forced to
live as a boy-supposedly the family already had too many daughters-Shi Pei Pu
used the young Frenchman's boredom and or emotional side of his nature, rises
to the surface and demands its rights. When such a period occurs, all that which
has formerly seemed important loses its significance. The will-of- the-wisp of
illusion leads the man hither and thither, taking him on strange and
complicated deviations from his former path in life. Ming Huang, the
"Bright Emperor" of the Tang dynasty, was an example of the profound
truth of this theory. From the moment he saw Yang Kuei-fei bathing in the lake
near his palace in the Li mountains, he was destined to sit at her feet,
leamingfrom her the emotional mysteries of what the Chinese call Yin. -ELOISE
TALCOTT HIBBERT, EMBROIDERED GAUZE: PORTRAITS OF FAMOUS LADIES discontent to
manipulate him. Inventing a story of the deceptions he had had to go through,
he slowly drew Bouriscout into an affair that would last many years.
(Bouriscout had had previous homosexual encounters, but considered himself
heterosexual.) Eventually the diplomat was led into spying for the Chinese. All
the while, he believed Shi Pei Pu was a woman-his for adventure had made him
that vulnerable. Repressed types are perfect victims for a deep seduction.
People who repress the appetite for pleasure make ripe victims, particularly
later in their lives. The eighth-century Chinese Emperor Ming Huang spent much
of his reign trying to rid his court of its costly addiction to luxuries, and
was himself a model of austerity and virtue. But the moment he saw the
concubine Yang Kuei-fei bathing in a palace lake, everything changed. The most
charming woman in the realm, she was the mistress of his son. Exerting his
power, the emperor won her away-only to become her abject slave. The choice of
the right victim is equally important in politics. Mass seducers such as
Napoleon or John F. Kennedy offer their public just what it lacks. When
Napoleon came to power, the French people's sense of pride was beaten down by
the bloody aftermath of the French Revolution. He offered them glory and
conquest. Kennedy recognized that Americans were bored with the stultifying
comfort of the Eisenhower years; he gave them adventure and risk. More
important, he tailored his appeal to the group most vulnerable to it: the
younger generation. Successful politicians know that not everyone will be
susceptible to their charm, but if they can find a group of believers with a
need to be filled, they have supporters who will stand by them no matter what.
Symbol: Big Game. Lions are dangerous-to hunt them is to know the thrill of
risk. Leopards are clever and swift, offering the excitement of a difficult
chase. Never rush into the hunt. Know your prey and choose it carefully. Do not
waste time with small game-the rabbits that back into snares, the mink that
walk into a scented trap. Challenge is pleasure. Choose the Right Victim • 175
Reversal T here is no possible reversal. There is nothing to be gained from
trying to seduce the person who is closed to you, or who cannot provide the
pleasure and chase that you need. 2. Create a False Sense of Security- Approach
Indirectly. Ifyouaretoo rect early on, you risk stirring up a resistance that
will never be lowered. At first there must be nothing of the seducer in your
manner. The seduction should begin at an angle, indirectly, so that the target
only gradually becomes aware of you. Haunt the periphery of your target 's
life-approach through a third party, or seem to cultivate a relatively neutral
relationship, moving gradually from friend to lover. Arrange an occasional
"chance" encounter, as if you and your target were destined to become
acquainted-nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny. Lull the target
into feeling secure, then strike. Friend to Lover. A nne Marie Louis d'Orleans,
the Duchess de Montpensier, known in seventeenth-century France as La Grande
Mademoiselle, had never known love in her life. Her mother had died when she
was young; her father remarried and ignored her. She came from one of Europe's
most illustrious families: her grandfather had been King Henry IV; the future
King Louis XIV was her cousin. When she was young, matches had been proposed
between her and the widowed king of Spain, the son of the Holy Roman emperor,
and even cousin Louis himself, among many others. But all of these matches were
designed for political purposes, or because of her family's enormous wealth. No
one bothered to woo her; she rarely even
met
her suitors. To make matters worse, the Grande Mademoiselle was an idealist who
believed in the old-fashioned values of chivalry: courage, honesty, virtue. She
loathed the schemers whose motives in courting her were dubious at best. Whom
could she trust? One by one she found a reason to spurn them. Spinsterhood
seemed to be her fate. In April of 1669, the Grande Mademoiselle, then
forty-two, met one of the strangest men in the court: the Marquis Antonin
Peguilin, later known as the Duke de Lauzun. A favorite of Louis XIV's, the thirty-six-
year-old Marquis was a brave soldier with an acid wit. He was also an incurable
Don Juan. Although he was short, and certainly not handsome, his impudent
manners and his military exploits made him irresistible to women. The Grande
Mademoiselle had noticed him some years before, admiring his elegance and
boldness. But it was only this time, in 1669, that she had a real conversation
with him, if a short one, and although she knew of his lady-killer reputation,
she found him charming. A few days later they ran into each other again; this
time the conversation was longer, and Lauzun proved more intelligent than she
had imagined-they talked of the playwright Corneille (her favorite), of
heroism, and of other elevated topics. Now their encounters became more
frequent. They had become friends. Anne Marie noted in her diary that her
conversations with Lauzun, when they occurred, were the highlight of her day;
when he was not at court, she felt his absence. Surely her encounters with him
came frequently enough that they could not be accidental on his part, but he
always seemed surprised to see her. At the same time, she recorded feeling
uneasy- strange emotions were stealing up on her, she did not know why. Many
women adore the elusive, \ Hate overeagerness. So, play hard to get, \ Stop
boredom developing. And don't let your entreaties \ Sound too confident of
possession. Insinuate sex \ Camouflaged as friendship. I've seen ultrastubborn
creatures \ Fooled by this gambit, the switch from companion to stud. -OVID,
THEART OF LOVE, TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN On the street, I do not stop her, or
I exchange a greeting with her but never come close, but always strive for
distance. Presumably our repeated encounters are clearly noticeable to her;
presumably she does perceive that on her horizon a new planet has loomed, which
in its course has encroached disturbingly upon hers in a curiously undisturbing
way, but she has no inkling of the law underlying this movement. . . . Before I
begin my attack, I must first become acquainted with her and her whole mental
state. -S0REN KIERKEGAARD, THE SEDUCER'S DIARY. TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. HONG
AND EDNA H. HONG No sooner had he spoken than the bullocks, driven from their
mountain pastures, were on their way to the beach, as Jove had directed; they
were making for the sands where the daughter [Europa] of the great king used to
play with the young girls of Tyre, who were her companions. • . . . Abandoning
the dignity of his scepter, the father and ruler of the gods, whose hand wields
the flaming threeforked bolt, whose nod shakes the universe, adopted the guise
of a bull; and, mingling with the other bullocks, joined in the lowing and
ambled in the tender grass, a fair sight to sec. His hide was white as
untrodden snow, snow not yet melted by the rainy South wind. The muscles stood
out on his neck, and deep folds of skin hung along his flanks. His horns were
small, it is true, but so beautifully made that you would swear they were the
work of an artist, more polished and shining than any jewel. There was no
menace in the set of his head or in his eyes; he looked completely placid. •
Agenor's daughter [Europa ] was filled with admiration for one so handsome and
so friendly. But, gentle though he seemed, she was afraid at first to touch him;
then she went closer, and held out flowers to his shining lips. The lover was
delighted Time passed, and the Grande Mademoiselle was to leave Paris for a
week or two. Now Lauzun approached her without warning and made an emotional
plea to be considered her confidante, the great friend who would execute any
commission she needed done while she was away. He was poetic and chivalrous,
but what did he really mean? In her diary, Anne Marie finally confronted the
emotions that had been stirring in her since their first conversation: "I
told myself, these are not vague musings; there must be an object to all of
these feelings, and I could not imagine who it was. . . . Finally, after
troubling myself with this for several days, I realized that it was M. de Lauzun
whom I loved, it was he who had somehow slipped into my heart and captured
it." Made aware of the source of her feelings, the Grande Mademoiselle
became more direct. If Lauzun was to be her confidante, she could talk to him
of marriage, of the matches that were still being offered to her. The topic
might give him a chance to express his feelings; perhaps he might show
jealousy. Unfortunately Lauzun did not seem to take the hint. Instead, he asked
her why she was thinking of marriage at all-she seemed so happy. Besides, who
could possibly be worthy of her? This went on for weeks. She could pry nothing
personal out of him. In a way, she understood-there were the differences in
rank (she was far above him) and age (she was six years older). Then, a few
months later, the wife of the king's brother died, and King Louis suggested to
the Grande Mademoiselle that she replace his late sister-in-law-that is, that
she marry his brother. Anne Marie was disgusted; clearly the brother was trying
to get his hands on her fortune. She asked Lauzun his opinion. As the king's
loyal servants, he replied, they must obey the royal wish. His answer did not
please her, and to make things worse, he stopped visiting her, as if it were no
longer proper for them to be friends. This was the last straw. The Grande
Mademoiselle told the king she would not marry his brother, and that was that.
Now Anne Marie met with Lauzun, and told him she would write on a piece of
paper the name of the man she had wanted to marry all along. He was to put the
paper under his pillow and read it the next morning. When he did, he found the
words "C'est vous "-It is you. Seeing the Grande Mademoiselle the
following evening, Lauzun said she must have been joking; she would make him
the laughing stock of the court. She insisted that she was serious. He seemed
shocked, surprised-but not as surprised as the rest of the court was a few
weeks later, when an engagement was announced between this relatively
low-ranking Don Juan and the second-
highest-ranking
lady in France, a woman known for both her virtue and her skill at defending
it. Interpretation. The Duke de Lauzun was one of the greatest seducers in
history, and his slow and steady seduction of the Grande Mademoiselle was his
masterpiece. His method was simple: indirection. Sensing her interest in him in
that first conversation, he decided to beguile her with friendship. Create a
False Sense of Security-Approach Indirectly He would become her most devoted
friend. At first this was charming; a man was taking the time to talk to her,
of poetry, history, the deeds of war-her favorite subjects. She slowly began to
confide in him. Then, almost without her realizing it, her feelings shifted:
the consummate ladies' man was only interested in friendship? He was not attracted
to her as a ? Such thoughts made her aware that she had fallen in love with
him. This, in part, was what eventually made her turn down the match the king's
brother-a decision cleverly and indirectly provoked by Lauzun himself, when he
stopped visiting her. And how could he be after money or position, or sex, when
he had never made any kind of move? No, the brilliance of Lauzun's seduction
was that the Grande Mademoiselle it was she who was making all the moves. Once
you have chosen the right victim, you must get his or her at
tention
and stir desire. To move from friendship to love can win success without
calling attention to itself as a maneuver. First, your friendly conversations
with your targets will bring you valuable information about their characters,
their tastes, their weaknesses, the childhood yearnings that govern their adult
behavior. (Lauzun, for example, could adapt cleverly to Anne Marie's tastes
once he had studied her close up.) Second, by spending time with your targets
you can make them comfortable with you. Believing you are interested only in
their thoughts, in their company, they will lower their resistance, dissipating
the usual tension between the sexes. Now they are vulnerable, for your
friendship with them has opened the golden gate to their body: their mind. At
this point any offhand comment, any slight physical contact, will spark a
different thought, which will catch them offguard: perhaps there could be
something else between you. Once that feeling has stirred, they will wonder why
you haven't made a move, and will take the initiative themselves, enjoying the
illusion that they are in control. There is nothing more effective in seduction
than making the seduced think that they are the ones doing the seducing. I do
not approach her, 1 merely skirt the periphery of her existence. . . . This is
the first web into which she must be
spun.
-S0REN KIERKEGAARD Key to Seduction W hat you are after as a seducer is the
ability to move people in the direction you want them to go. But the game is
perilous; the moment they suspect they are acting under your influence, they
will become resentful. We are creatures who cannot stand feeling that we are
obeying someone else's will. Should your targets catch on, sooner or later they
will turn against you. But what if you can make them do what you want them to
without their realizing it? What if they think they are in control? That is
and, until he could achieve h is hoped-for pleasure, kissed her hands. He could
scarcely wait for the rest, only with great difficulty did he restrain himself
• Now he frolicked and played on the green turf now lay down, all snowy white
on the yellow sand. Gradually the princess lost herfear, and with her innocent
hands she stroked his breast when he offered itfor her caress, and hung fresh
garlands on his horns: till finally she even ventured to mount the bull, little
knowing on whose back she was resting. Then the god drew away from the shore by
easy stages, first planting the hooves that were part of his disguise in the surf
at the water's edge, and then proceeding farther out to sea, till he bore his
booty away over the wide stretches of mid ocean. - OVID, METAMORPHOSES,
TRANSLATED BY MARY M. INNES These few reflections lead us to the understanding
that, since in attempting a seduction it is up to the man to make the first
steps, for the seducer, to seduce is nothing more than reducing the distance,
in this case that of the difference between the sexes and that, in order to
accomplish this, it is necessary to feminize himself or at least identify
himself with the object of his seduction. ... As Alain Roger writes: "If
there is a seduction, it is the seducer who is first lead astray, in the sense
that he abdicates his own sex. . . . Seduction undoubtedly aims at sexual consummation,
but it only gets there in creating a kind 182 of simulacra of Gomorra. The
seducer is nothing more than a lesbian." -FREDERIC MONNEYRON, S EDUIRE:
L'lMAGINAIRE DE LA SEDUCTION DE DON GIOVANNI A MICK JAGGER As he [Jupiter ] was
hurrying busily to and fro, he stopped short at the sight of an Arcadian
maiden. The fire of passion kindled the very marrow of his bones. This girl was
not one who spent her time in spinning soft fibers of wool, or in arranging her
hair in different styles. She was one of Diana's warriors, wearing her tunic
pinned together with a brooch, her tresses carelessly caught back by a white
ribbon, and carrying in her hand a light javelin or her bow. . . . • The sun on
high had passed its zenith, whenshe entered a grove whose trees had neverfelt
the axe. Here she took her quiver from her shoulders, unstrung her pliant bow,
lay down on the turf, resting her head on her painted quiver. When Jupiter saw
her thus, tired and unprotected, he said: "Here is a secret of which my
wife will know nothing; or if she does get to know of it, it will be worth her
reproaches!" • Without wasting time he assumed the appearance and the
dress of Diana, and spoke to the girl. 'Dearest of all my companions," he
said, "where have you been hunting? On what mountain ridges?" She
raised herself from the grass: "Greeting, divine mistress," she
cried, "greater in my sight than the power of indirection and no seducer
can work his or her magic without it. The first move to master is simple: once
you have chosen the right person, you must make the target come to you. If, in
the opening stages, you can make your targets think that they are the ones
making the first approach, you have won the game. There will be no resentment,
no perverse counterreaction, no paranoia. To make them come to you requires
giving them space. This can be accomplished in several ways. You can haunt the
periphery of their existence, letting them notice you in different places but
never approaching them. You will get their attention this way, and if they want
to bridge the gap, they will have to come to you. You can befriend them, as
Lauzun did the Grande Mademoiselle, moving steadily closer while always
maintaining the distance appropriate for friends of the opposite sex. You can
also play cat and mouse with them, first seeming interested, then stepping
back- actively luring them to follow you into your web. Whatever you do, and
whatever kind of seduction you are practicing, you must at all cost avoid the
natural tendency to crowd your targets. Do not make the mistake of thinking
they will lose interest unless you apply pressure, or that they will enjoy a
flood of attention. Too much attention early on will actually just suggest
insecurity, and raise doubts as to your motives. Worst of all, it gives your
targets no room for imagination. Take a step back; let the thoughts you are
provoking come to them as if they were their own. This is doubly important if
you are dealing with someone who has a deep effect on you. We can never really
understand the opposite sex. They are always mysterious to us, and it is this
mystery that provides the tension so delightful in seduction; but it is also a
source of unease. Freud famously wondered what women really wanted; even to
this most insightful of psychological thinkers, the opposite sex was a foreign
land. For both men and women, there are deep-rooted feelings of fear and
anxiety in relation to the opposite sex. In the initial stages of a seduction,
then, you must find ways to calm any sense of mistrust that the other person
may experience. (A sense of danger and fear can heighten the seduction later
on, but if you stir such emotions in the first stages, you will more likely
scare the target away.) Establish a neutral distance, seem harmless, and you
give yourself room to move. Casanova cultivated a slight femininity in his
character-an interest in clothes, theater, domestic matters-that young girls
found comforting. The Renaissance courtesan Tullia d'Aragona, developing
friendships with the great thinkers and poets of her time, talked of literature
and philosophy- anything but the boudoir (and anything but the money that was
also her goal). Johannes, the narrator of Soren Kierkegaard's The Seducer's
Diary, follows, his target, Cordelia, from a distance; when their paths cross,
he is polite and apparently shy. As Cordelia gets to know him, he doesn't
frighten her. In fact he is so innocuous she begins to wish he were less so.
Duke Ellington, the great jazz artist and a consummate seducer, would Create a
False Sense of Security- initially dazzle the ladies with his good looks,
stylish clothing, and charisma. But once he was alone with a woman, he would
take a slight step back, becoming excessively polite, makingonly small talk.
Banal conversation can be a brilliant tactic; it hypnotizes the target. The
dullness of your front gives the subtlest suggestive word, the slightest look,
an amplified power. Never mention love and you make its absence speak
volumes-your victims will wonder why you never discuss your emotions, and as
they have such thoughts, they will go further, imagining what else is going on
in your mind. They will be the ones to bring up the topic of love or affection.
Deliberate dullness has many applications. In psychotherapy, the doctor makes
monosyllabic responses to draw patients in, making them relax and open up. In
international negotiations, Henry Kissinger would lull diplomats with boring
details, then strike with bold demands. Early in a seduction, less-colorful
words are often more effective than vivid ones-the target tunes them out, looks
at your face, begins to imagine, fantasize, fall under your spell. Getting to
your targets through other people is extremely effective; infiltrate their
circle and you are no longer a stranger. Before the seventeenth- century
seducer Count de Grammont made a move, he would befriend his target's
chambermaid, her valet, a friend, even a lover. In this way he could gather
information, finding a way to approach her in an unthreatening manner. He could
also plant ideas, saying thingsthethirdpartywas likely to repeat, things that
would intrigue the lady, particularly when they came from someone she knew.
Ninon de 1'Enclos, the seventeenth-century courtesan and strategist of
seduction, believed that disguising one's intentions was not only a necessity,
it added to the pleasure of the game. A man should never declare his feelings,
she felt, particularly early on. It is irritating and provokes mistrust.
"A woman is much better persuaded that she is loved by what she guesses
than by what she is told," Ninon once remarked. Often a person's haste in
declaring his or her feelings comes from a false desire to please, thinking
this will flatter the other. But the desire to please can annoy and offend.
Children, cats, and coquettes draw us to them by apparently not trying, even by
seeming uninterested. Leam to disguise your feelings and let people figure out
what is happening for themselves. In all arenas of life, you should never give
the impression that you are angling for something-that will raise a resistance
that you will never lower. Leam to approach people from the side. Mute your
colors, blend in, seem unthreatening, and you will have more room to maneuver
later on.The same holds true in politics, where overt ambition often frightens
people. Vladimir Ilyich Lenin at first glance looked like an everyday Russian;
he dressed like a worker, spoke with a peasant accent, had no air of greatness.
This made the public feel comfortable and identify with him. Yet beneath this
apparently bland appearance, of course, was a deeply clever man who was always
maneuvering. By the time people realized this it was too late. -Approach
Indirectly • 183 Jove himself-I care not if he hears me!" Jove laughed to
hear her words. Delighted to be preferred to himself he kissed her-not with the
restraint becoming to a maiden's kisses: and as she began to tell of her
hunting exploits in the forest, he prevented her by his embrace, and betrayed
his real self by a shameful action. So far from complying, she resisted him as
far as a woman could . . . but how could a girl overcome a man, and who could
defeat Jupiter? He had his way, and returned to the upper air. - OVID,
METAMORPHOSES, TRANSLATED BY MARY M. INNES I had rather hear my dog bark at a
crow than a man swear he loves me. -BEATRICE, IN WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, MUCH ADO
ABOUT NOTHING I know of a man whose beloved was completely friendly and at ease
with him; but if he had disclosed by the least gesture that he was in love, the
beloved would have become as remotefrom him as the Pleiades, whose stars hang
so high in heaven. It is a sort of statesmanship that is required in such
cases; the party concerned was enjoying the pleasure of his loved one's company
intensely and to the last degree, but if he had so much as hinted at his inner
feelings he would have attained but a miserable fraction of the beloved's
favor, and endured into the bargain all the arrogance and caprice of which love
is Symbol: The Spider's Web. The spiderfinds an innocuous corner in capable.
which to spin its web. The longer the web takes, the more fabulous -IBN HAZM;
THE RING OF THE DOVE: A TREATISE ON THE ART AND PRACTICE OF ARAB LOVE ,
TRANSLATED BY A.J. ARBERRY its construction, yetfew really notice it-its
gossamer threads are nearly invisible. The spider has no need to chaseforfood,
or even to move. It quietly sits in the corner, waitingfor its victims to come
to it on their own, and ensnare themselves in the web. Reversal I n warfare,
you need space to align your troops, room to maneuver. The more space you have,
the more intricate your strategy can be. But sometimes it is better to
overwhelm the enemy, giving them no time to think or react. Although Casanova
adapted his strategies to the woman in question, he would often try to make an
immediate impression, stirring her desire at the first encounter. Perhaps he
would perform some gallantry, rescuing a woman in danger; perhaps he would
dress so that his target would notice him in a crowd. In either case, once he
had the woman's attention he would move with lightning speed. A Siren like
Cleopatra tries to have an immediate physical effect on men, giving her victims
no time or space to retreat. She uses the element of surprise. The first period
of your contact with someone can involve a level of desire that will never be
repeated; boldness will carry the day. But these are short seductions. The
Sirens and the Casanovas only get pleasure from the number of their victims,
moving quickly from conquest to conquest, and this can be tiring. Casanova burned
himself out; Sirens, insatiable, are never satisfied. The indirect, carefully
constructed seduction may reduce the number of your conquests, but more than
compensate by their quality. 3 Send Mixed Signals Once people are aware of your
presence, and perhaps vaguely intrigued, you need to stir their interest before
it settles on someone else. What is obvious and striking may attract their
attention atfirst, but that attention is often short-lived; in the long run,
ambiguity is much more potent. Most of us are much too obvious - instead, be
hard to figure out. Send mixed signals: both tough and tender, both spiritual
and earthy, both innocent and cunning. A mix of qualities suggests depth, which
fascinates even as it confuses. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people
want to know more, drawing them into your circle. Create such a power by
hinting at something contradictory within you. Good and Bad I n 1806, when
Prussia and France were at war, Auguste, the handsome twenty-four-year-old
prince of Prussia and nephew of Frederick the Great, was captured by Napoleon.
Instead of locking him up, Napoleon allowed him to wander around French
territory, keeping a close watch on him through spies. The prince was devoted
to pleasure, and spent his time moving from town to town, seducing young girls.
In 1807 he decided to visit the Chateau de Coppet, in Switzerland, where lived
the great French writer Madame de Stael Auguste was greeted by his hostess with
as much ceremony as she could muster. After she had introduced him to her other
guests, they all retired to a drawing room, where they talked of Napoleon's war
in Spain, the current Paris fashions, and so on. Suddenly the door opened and
another guest entered, a woman who had somehow stayed in her room during the
hubbub of the prince's entrance. It was the thirty-year-old Madame Recamier,
Madame de Stael's closest friend. She introduced herself to the prince, then
quickly retired to her bedroom. Auguste had known that Madame Recamier was at
the chateau. In fact he had heard many stories about this infamous woman, who,
in the years after the French Revolution, was considered the most beautiful in
France. Men had gone wild over her, particularly at balls when she would take
off her evening wrap, revealing the diaphanous white dresses that she had made
famous, and dance with such abandon. The painters Gerard and David had
immortalized her face and fashions, and even her feet, considered the most
beautiful anyone had ever seen; and she had broken the heart of Lucien
Bonaparte, the Emperor Napoleon's brother. Auguste liked his girls younger than
Madame Recamier, and he had come to the chateau to rest. But those few moments
in which she had stolen the scene with her sudden entrance caught him off
guard; she was as beautiful as people had said, but more striking than her
beauty was that look of hers that seemed so sweet, indeed heavenly, with a hint
of sadness in the eyes. The other guests continued their conversations, but
Auguste could only think of Madame Recamier. Over dinner that evening, he
watched her. She did not talk much, and kept her eyes downward, but once or
twice she looked up-directly at the prince. After dinner the guests assembled
in the gallery, and a harp was brought in. To the prince's delight, Madame
Recamier began to play. Reichardt had seen Juliette at another ball, protesting
coyly that she would not dance, and then, after a while, throwing off her heavy
evening gown, to reveal a light dress underneath. On all sides, there were
murmurs and whisperings about her coquetry and affectation. As ever, she wore
white satin, cut very low in the back, revealing her charming shoulders. The
men implored her to dance for them. ... To soft music she floated into the room
in her diaphanous Greek robe. Her head was bound with a muslin fichu. She bowed
timidly to the audience, and then, spinning round lightly, she shook a
transparent scarf with her fingertips, so that in turns it billowed into the
semblance of a drapery, a veil, a cloud. All this with a strange blend
ofprecision and languor. She used her eyes in a subtle fascinating way -
"she danced with her eyes." The women thought that all that
serpentine undulating of the body, all that nonchalant rhythmic nodding of the
head, were sensuous; the men were wafted into a realm of unearthly bliss.
Juliette wan ange fatal, and much more dangerous for looking like an angel! The
music grew fainter. Suddenly, by a deft trick, Juliette's chestnut hair was
loosened andfell in clouds around her. A little out of breath, she disappeared into
her dimly lit boudoir. And there the crowdfollowed her and beheld her reclining
on her daybed in a loose tea-gown, looking fashionably pale, like Gerard's
Psyche, while her maids cooled her brow with toilet water. -MARGARET TROUNCER,
MADAME RECAMIER The idea that two distinct elements are combined in Mona Lisa's
smile is one that has struck several critics. They accordingly find in the
beautiful Florentine's expression the most perfect representation of the
contrasts that dominate the erotic life of women; the contrast between reserve
and seduction, and between the most devoted tenderness and a sensuality that is
ruthlessly demanding - consuming men as if they were alien beings. -SIGMUND
FREUD, LEONARDO DA VINCI AND A MEMORY OF HIS CHILDHOOD, TRANSLATED BY ALAN
TYSON [Oscar Wilde's] hands were fat and flabby; his handshake lacked grip, and
at a first encounter one recoiled from its plushy limpness, but this aversion
was soon overcome when he began to talk, for his genuine kindliness and desire
to please made one forget what was unpleasant singing a love song. And now,
suddenly, she changed: there was a roguish look in her eye as she glanced at
him. The angelic voice, the glances, the energy animating her face, sent his
mind reeling. He was confused. When the same thing happened the next night, the
prince decided to extend his stay at the chateau. In the days that followed,
the prince and Madame Recamier took walks together, rowed out on the lake, and
attended dances, where he finally held her in his arms. They would talk late
into the night. But nothing grew clear to him: she would seem so spiritual, so
noble, and then there would be a touch of the hand, a sudden flirtatious
remark. After two weeks at the chateau, the most eligible bachelor in Europe
forgot all his libertine habits and proposed marriage to Madame Recamier. He
would convert to Catholicism, her religion, and she would divorce her much
older husband. (She had told him her marriage had never been consummated and so
the Catholic church could annul it.) She would then come to live with him in
Prussia. Madame promised to do as he wished. The prince hurried off to Pmssia
to seek the approval of his family, and Madame returned to Paris to secure the
required annulment. Auguste flooded her with love letters, and waited. Time
passed; he felt he was going mad. Then, finally, a letter: she had changed her
mind. Some months later, Madame Recamier sent Auguste a gift: Gerard's famous
painting of her reclining on a sofa. The prince spent hours in front of it, trying
to pierce the mystery behind her gaze. He had joined the company of her
conquests-of men like the writer Benjamin Constant, who said of her, "She
was my last love. For the rest of my life I was like a tree struck
bylightning." Interpretation. Madame Recamier's list of conquests became
only more impressive as she grew older: there was Prince Metternich, the Duke
of Wellington, the writers Constant and Chateaubriand. For all of these men she
was an obsession, which only increased in intensity when they were away from
her. The source of her power was twofold. First, she had an angelic face, which
drew men to her. It appealed to paternal instincts, charming with its
innocence. But then there was a second quality peeking through, in the
flirtatious looks, the wild dancing, the sudden gaiety-all these caught men off
guard. Clearly there was more to her than they had thought, an intriguing
complexity. When alone, they would find themselves pondering these
contradictions, as if a poison were coursing through their blood. Madame
Recamier was an enigma, a problem that had to be solved. Whatever it was that
you wanted, whether a coquettish she-devil or an unattainable goddess, she
could seem to be. She surely encouraged this illusion by keeping her men at a
certain distance, so they could never figure her out. And she was the queen of
the calculated effect, like her surprise entrance at the Chateau de Coppet,
which made her the center of attention, if only for a few seconds. Send Mixed
Signals • 189 The seductive process involves filling someone's mind with your
image. Your innocence, or your beauty, or your flirtatiousness can attract
their attention but not their obsession; they will soon move on to the next
striking image. To deepen their interest, you must hint at a complexity that
cannot be grasped in a week or two. You are an elusive mystery, an irresistible
lure, promising great pleasure if only it can be possessed. Once they begin to
fantasize about you, they are on the brink of the slippery slope of seduction,
and will not be able to stop themselves from sliding down. Artificial and
Natural, T he big Broadway hit of 1881 was Gilbert and Sullivan's operetta
Patience, a satire on the bohemian world of aesthetes and dandies that had
become so fashionable in London. To cash in on this vogue, the operetta's
promoters decided to invite one of England's most infamous aesthetes to America
for a lecture tour; Oscar Wilde. Only twenty-seven at the time, Wilde was more
famous for his public persona than for his small body of work. The American
promoters were confident that their public would be fascinated by this man,
whom they imagined as always walking around with a flower in his hand, but they
did not expect it to last; he would do a few lectures, then the novelty would
wear off, and they would ship him home. The money was good and Wilde accepted.
On hisarrival in New York, a customs man asked him whether he had anything to
declare: "I have nothing to declare," he replied, "except my
genius." The invitations poured in-New York society was curious to meet
this oddity. Women found Wilde enchanting, but the newspapers were less kind;
The New York Times called him an "aesthetic sham." Then, a week after
his arrival, he gave his first lecture. The hall was packed; more than a thousand
people came, many of themjust to see what he looked like. They were not
disappointed. Wilde did not carry a flower, and was taller than they had
expected, but he had long flowing hair and wore a green velvet suit and cravat,
as well as knee breeches and silk stockings. Many in the audience were put off;
as they looked up at him from their seats, the combination of his large size
and pretty attire were rather repulsive. Some people openly laughed, others
could not hide their unease. They expected to hate the man. Then he began to
speak. The subject was the "English Renaissance," the "art for
art's sake" movement in late-nineteenth-century England. Wilde's voice
proved hypnotic; he spoke in a kind of meter, mannered and artificial, and few
really understood what he was saying, but the speech was so witty, and it
flowed. His appearance was certainly strange, but overall, no New Yorker had
ever seen or heard such an intriguing man, and the lecture was a huge success.
Even the newspapers warmed up to it. In Boston a few weeks later, some sixty
Harvard boys had prepared an ambush: they would make lun of this effeminate
poet by dressing in knee breeches, carrying flowers, and ap- in his physical
appearance and contact, gave charm to his manners, and grace to his precision
of speech. The first sight of him affected people in various ways. Some could
hardly restrain their laughter, others felt hostile, a few were afflicted with
the "creeps" many were conscious of being uneasy, but exceptfor a
small minority who could never recover from the first sensation of distaste and
so kept out of his way, both sexes found him irresistible, and to the young men
of his time, says W. B. Yeats, he was like a triumphant and audacious figure
from another age. -HESKETH PEARSON, OSCAR WILDE: HIS UFE AND WIT Once upon a
time there was a magnet, and in its close neighborhood lived some steel
filings. One day two or three little filings felt a sudden desire to go and
visit the magnet, and they began to talk of what a pleasant thing it would be
to do. Other filings nearby overheard their conversation, and they, too, became
infected with the same desire. Still others joined them, till at last all the
filings began to discuss the matter, and more and more their vague desire grew
into an impulse. "Why not go today?" said one of them; but others
were of opinion that it would be better to wait until tomorrow. Meanwhile,
without their having noticed it, they had been involuntarily moving nearer to
the magnet, which lay there quite still, apparently taking no heed of them. And
so they went on discussing, all the time insensibly drawing nearer to their
neighbor; and the more they talked, the more they felt the impulse growing
stronger, till the more impatient ones declared that they would go that day,
whatever the rest did. Some were heard to say that it was their duty to visit
the magnet, and they ought to have gone long ago. And, while they talked, they
moved always nearer and nearer, without realizing that they had moved. Then, at
last, the impatient ones prevailed, and, with one irresistible impulse, the
whole body cried out, "There is no use waiting. We will go today. We will
go now. We will go at once." And then in one unanimous mass they swept
along, and in another moment were clingingfast to the magnet on every side.
Then the magnet smiled-for the steel filings had no doubt at all but that they
were paying that visit of their own free will. -OSCAR WILDE, AS QUOTED BY
RICHARD LE GALLIENNE IN plauding far too loudly at his entrance. Wilde was not
the least bit flustered. The audience laughed hysterically at his improvised
comments, and when the boys heckled him he kept his dignity, betraying no anger
at all. Once again, the contrast between his manner and his physical appearance
made him seem rather extraordinary. Many were deeply impressed, and Wilde was
well on his way to becoming a sensation. The short lecture tour turned into a
cross-country affair. In San Francisco, this visiting lecturer on art and
aesthetics proved able to drink everyone under the table and play poker, which
made him the hit of the season. On his way back from the West Coast, Wilde was
to make stops in Colorado, and was warned that if the pretty-boy poet dared to
show up in the mining town of Leadville, he would be hung from the highest
tree. It was an invitation Wilde could not refuse. Arriving in Leadville, he
ignored the hecklers and nasty looks; he toured the mines, drank and played
cards, then lectured on Botticelli and Cellini in the saloons. Like everyone
else, the miners fell under his spell, even naming a mine after him. One cowboy
was heard to say, "That fellow is some art guy, but he can drink any of us
under the table and afterwards carry us home two at a time."
Interpretation. In a fable he improvised at dinner once, Oscar Wilde talked
about some steel filings that had a sudden desire to visit a nearby magnet. As
they talked to each other about this, they found themselves moving closer to
the magnet without realizing how or why. Finally they were swept in one mass to
the magnet's side. "Then the magnet smiled-for the steel filings had no
doubt at all but that they were paying that visit of their own free will."
Such was the effect that Wilde himself had on everyone around him. HESKETH
PEARSON, OSCAR WILDE: HIS UFE AND WIT Now that the bohort [impromptu joust] was
over and the knights were dispersing and each making his way to where his
thoughts inclined him, it chanced that Rivalin was heading for where lovely
Blancheflor was sitting. Seeing this, he galloped up to her and looking her in
the eyes saluted her most pleasantly. • "God save you, lovely woman!"
• "Thank you," said the girl, and continued very bashfully, "may
God Almighty, who makes all hearts glad, gladden your heart and mind! And my
Wilde's attractiveness was more than just a by-product of his character, it was
quite calculated. An adorer of paradox, he consciously played up his own
weirdness and ambiguity, the contrast between his mannered appearance and his
witty, effortless performance. Naturally warm and spontaneous, he constructed
an image that ran counter to his nature. People were repelled, confused,
intrigued, and finally drawn to this man who seemed impossible to figure out.
Paradox is seductive because it plays with meaning. We are secretly oppressed
by the rationality in our lives, where everything is meant to mean something;
seduction, by contrast, thrives on ambiguity, on mixed signals, on anything
that eludes interpretation. Most people are painfully obvious. If their
character is showy, we may be momentarily attracted, but the attraction wears
off; there is no depth, no contrary motion, to pull us in. The key to both
attracting and holding attention is to radiate mystery. And no one is naturally
mysterious, at least not for long; mystery is something you have to work at, a
ploy on your part, and something that must be used early on in the seduction.
Let one part of your character show, so everyone notices it. (In the example of
Wilde, this was the mannered affectation con- Send Mixed Signals • 191 veyed by
Ms clothes and poses.) But also send out a mixed signal-some sign that you are
not what you seem, a paradox. Do not worry if this underquality is a negative
one, like danger, cmelty, or amorality; people will be drawn to the enigma
anyway, and pure goodness is rarely seductive. Paradox with him was only truth
standing on its head to attract attention. - RICHARD LE GALLIENNE, ON HIS
FRIEND OSCAR WILDE grateful thanks to you !- yet notforgetting a bone I have to
pick with you." • "Ah, sweet woman, what have I done?" was
courteous Rivalin's reply. • "You have annoyed me through a friend of
mine, the best I ever had. " • "Good heavens," thought he,
"what does this mean? What have I done to. Keys to Seduction displease her? What does she say I have
done?" and he imagined that N othing can proceed in seduction unless you
can attract and hold your attention, your physical presence becoming a haunting
mental presence. It is actually quite easy to create that first stir-an
alluring style of dress, a suggestive glance, something extreme about you. But
what happens next? Our minds are barraged with images-not just from media but
from the disorder of daily life. And many of these images are quite striking.
You become just one more thing screaming for attention; your attractiveness
will pass unless you spark the more enduring kind of spell that makes people
think of you in your absence. That means engaging their imaginations, making
them think there is more to you than what they see. Once they start embellishing
your image with their fantasies, they are hooked. This must, however, be done
early on, before your targets know too much and their impressions of you are
set. It should occur the moment they lay eyes on you. By sending mixedsignals
in that first encounter, you create a little surprise, a little tension: you
seem to be one thing (innocent, brash, intellectual, witty), but you also throw
them a glimpse of something else (devilish, shy, spontaneous, sad). Keep things
subtle: if the second quality is too strong, you will seem schizopMenic. But
make them wonder why you might be shy or sad underneath your brash intellectual
wit, and you will have their attention. Give them an ambiguity that lets them
see what they want to see, capture their imagination with little voyeuristic
glimpses into your dark soul. The Greek philosopher Socrates was one of
history's greatest seducers; the young men who followed him as students were
not just fascinated by Ms ideas, they fell in love with him. One such youth was
Alcibiades, the unwittingly he must have injured a kinsman of hers some time at
their knightly sports and that was why she was vexed with him. But no, the
friend she referred to was her heart, in which he made her suffer: that was the
friend she spoke of But he knew nothing of that. • "Lovely woman," he
said with all his accustomed charm, "I do not want you to be angry with me
or bear me any ill will. So, if what you tell me is true, pronounce sentence on
me yourself: I will do whatever you command." • "I do not hate you
overmuch for what has happened," was the sweet girl's answer, "nor do
I love you for it. But to see what amends you will make for the wrong you have
done me, I shall test you another time." • And so he bowed as if to go,
and she, lovely girl, sighed at him most secretly and said with tender feeling:
• "Ah, dear notorious playboy who became a powerful political figure near
the end of the fifth century B.C. In Plato's Symposium, Alcibiades describes
Socrates's seductive powers by comparing him to the little figures of Silenus
that were made back then. In Greek myth, Silenus was quite ugly, but also a
wise prophet. Accordingly the statues of Silenus were hollow, and when you took
them apart, you would find little figures of gods inside them-the inner truth
and beauty under the unappealing exterior. And so, for Alcibiades, it was the
same with Socrates, who was so ugly as to be repellent but whose face radiated
inner beauty and contentment. The effect was confus- friend, God bless
you!" From this time on the thoughts of each ran on the other. • Rivalin
turned away, pondering many things. He pondered from many sides why Blancheflor
should be vexed, and what lay behind it all. He considered her greeting, her
words; he examined her sigh minutely, herfarewell, he whole behavior. . . But
since he was uncertain of her motive-whether she had acted from enmity or
love-he
wavered in perplexity. He wavered in his thoughts now here, now there. At one
moment he was off in one direction, then suddenly in another, till he had so
ensnared himself in the toils of his own desire that he was powerless to escape
. . . • His entanglement had placed him in a quandary, for he did not know
whether she wished him well or ill; he could not make out whether she loved or
hated him. No hope or despair did he consider which did not forbid him either
to advance or retreat-hope and despair led him to andfro in unresolved
dissension. Hope spoke to him of love, despair of hatred. Because of this
discord he could yield his firm belief neither to hatred nor yet to love. Thus
his feelings drifted in an unsure haven-hope bore him on, despair away. He
found no constancy in either; they agreed neither one way or another. When
despair came and told him that his Blancheflor was his enemy he faltered and
sought to escape: but at once came hope, bringing him her love, and a fond
aspiration, and so perforce he remained. In theface of such discord he did not
know where to turn: nowhere could he go forward. The more he strove to flee,
the more firmly love forced him back. The harder he struggled to escape, love
drew him back more firmly. -GOTTFRIED VON STRASSBURG, TRISTAN. TRANSLATED BY
A.T.HATTOing and attractive. Antiquity's other great seducer, Cleopatra, also
sent out mixed signals: by all accounts physically alluring, in voice, face,
body, and manner, she also had a brilliantly active mind, which for many
writers of the time made her seem somewhat masculine in spirit. These contrary
qualities gave her complexity, and complexity gave her power. To capture and
hold attention, you need to show attributes that go against your physical
appearance, creating depth and mystery. If you have a sweet face and an
innocent air, let out hints of something dark, even vaguely cruel in your
character. It is not advertised in your words, but in your manner. The actor
Errol Flynn had a boyishly angelic face and a slight air of sadness. Beneath
this outward appearance, however, women could sense an underlying cruelty, a
criminal streak, an exciting kind of dangerousness. This play of contrary
qualities attracted obsessive interest. The female equivalent is the type
epitomized by Marilyn Monroe; she had the face and voice of a little girl, but
something sexual and naughty emanated powerfully from her as well. Madame
Recamier did it all with her eyes-the gaze of air angel, suddenly interrupted
by something sensual and flirtatious. Playing with gender roles is a kind of
intriguing paradox that has a long history in seduction. The greatest Don Juans
have had a touch of prettiness and femininity, and the most attractive
courtesans have had a masculine streak. The strategy, though, is only powerful
when the underquality is merely hinted at; if the mix is too obvious or
striking it will seem bizarre or even threatening. The great seventeenth-century
French courtesan Ninon de l'Enclos was decidedly feminine in appearance, yet
everyone who met her was struck by a touch of aggressiveness and independence
in her-but just a touch. The late nineteenth-century Italian novelist Gabriele
d'Annunzio was certainly masculine in his approaches, but there was a
gentleness, a consideration, mixed in, and an interest in feminine finery The
combinations can be juggled every which way: Oscar Wilde was quite feminine in
appearance and manner, but the underlying suggestion that he was actually quite
masculine drew both men and women to him. A potent variation on this theme is
the blending of physical heat and emotional coldness. Dandies like Beau Brummel
and Andy Warhol combine striking physical appearances with a kind of coldness
of manner, a distance from everything and everyone. They are both enticing and
elusive, and people spend lifetimes chasing after such men, trying to shatter
their unattainability. (The power of apparently unattainable people is devilishly
seductive; wewantto be the one to break them down.) They also wrap themselves
in ambiguity and mystery, either talking very little or talking only of surface
matters, hinting at a depth of character you can never reach. When Marlene
Dietrich entered a room, or arrived at a party, all eyes inevitably turned to
her. First there were her startling clothes, chosen to make heads turn. Then
there was her air of nonchalant indifference. Men, and women too, became
obsessed with her, thinking of her long after other memories of the evening had
faded. Remember: that first impression, that Send Mixed Signals entrance, is
critical. To show too much desire for attention is to signal insecurity, and
will often drive people away; play it too cold and disinterested, on the other
hand, and no one will bother coming near. The trick is to combine the two
attitudes at the same moment. It is the essence of . Perhaps you have a
reputation for a particular quality, which immediately comes to mind when
people see you. You will better hold their attention by suggesting that behind
this reputation some other quality lies lurking. No one had a darker, more
sinful reputation than Lord Byron. What drove women wild was that behind his
somewhat cold and disdainful exterior, they could sense that he was actually
quite romantic, even spiritual. Byron played this up with his melancholic airs
and occasional kind deed. Transfixed and confused, many women thought that they
could be the one to lead him back to goodness, to make him a faithful lover.
Once a woman entertained such a thought, she was completely under his spell. It
is not difficult to create such a seductive effect. Should you be known as
eminently rational, say, hint at something irrational. Johannes, the narrator
in Kierkegaard's The Seducer's Diary, first treats the young Cordelia with
businesslike politeness, as his reputation would lead her to expect. Yet she
very soon overhears him making remarks that hint at a wild, poetic streak in
his character; and she is excited and intrigued. These principles have
applications far beyond sexual seduction. To hold the attention of a broad
public, to seduce them into thinking about you, you need to mix your signals.
Display too much of one quality-even if it is a noble one, like knowledge or
efficiency-and people will feel that you lack humanity. We are all complex and
ambiguous, full of contradictory impulses; if you show only one side, even if
it is your good side, you will wear on people's nerves. They will suspect you
are a hypocrite. Mahatma Gandhi, a saintly figure, openly confessed to feelings
of anger and vengefulness. John F. Kennedy, the most seductive American public
figure of modern times, wasawalkingparadox: an East Coast aristocrat with a
love of the common man, an obviously masculine man-a war hero-with a
vulnerability you could sense underneath, an intellectual who loved popular
culture. People were drawn to Kennedy like the steel filings in Wilde's fable.
A bright surface may have a decorative charm, but what draws your eye into a
painting is a depth of field, an inexpressible ambiguity, a surreal complexity.
Symbol: The Theater Curtain. Onstage, the curtain's heavy deep-red folds
attract your eye with their hypnotic surface. But what really fascinates and
draws you in is what you think might be happening behind the curtain-the light
peeking through, the suggestion of a secret, something about to happen. You
feel the thrill of a voyeur about to watch a performance. Reversal T he
complexity you signal to other people will only affect them properly if they
have the capacity to enjoy a mystery. Some people like things simple, and lack
the patience to pursue a person who confuses them. They prefer to be dazzled
and overwhelmed. The great Belle Epoque courtesan known as La Belle Otero would
work a complex magic on artists and political figures who fell for her, but in
dealing with the more uncomplicated, sensual male she would astound them with
spectacle and beauty. When meeting a woman for the first time, Casanova might
dress in the most fantastic outfit, with jewels and brilliant colors to dazzle
the eye; he would use the target's reaction to gauge whether or not she would
demand a more complicated seduction. Some of his victims, particularly young
girls, needed no more than the glittering and spellbinding appearance, which
was really what they wanted, and the seduction would stay on that level.
Everything depends on your target: do not bother creating depth for people who
are insensitive to it, or who may even be put off or disturbed by it. You can
recognize such types by their preference for the simpler pleasures in life,
their lack of patience for a more nuanced story. With them, keep it simple. 4, Appear
to Be an Object of Desire -Create Triangles , Few are drawn to the person whom
others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted
interest. We want what other people want. To draw your victims closer and make
them hungry to possess you, you must create an aura of desirability-of being
wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the
preferred object of your attention, to win you away from a crowd of admirers.
Manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding yourself with members of
the opposite sex – friends, former lovers, present suitors. Createtriangles
that stimulate rivalry and raise your value. Build a reputation that precedes
you: if many have succumbed to your charms, there must be a reason. Creating
Triangles O ne evening in 1882, the thirty-two-year-old Prussian philosopher
Paul Ree, living in Rome at the time, visited the house of an older woman who
ran a salon for writers and artists. Ree noticed a newcomer there, a
twenty-one-year-old Russian girl named Lou von Salome, who had come to Rome on
holiday with her mother. Ree introduced himself and they began a conversation
that lasted well into the night. Her ideas about God and morality were like his
own; she talked with such intensity, yet at the same time her eyes seemed to
flirt with him. Over the next few days Ree and Salome took long walks through
the city. Intrigued by her mind yet confused by the emotions she aroused, he
wanted to spend more time with her. Then, one day, she startled him with a
proposition: she knew he was a close friend of the philosopher Friedrich
Nietzsche, then also visiting Italy. The three of them, she said, should travel
together-no, actually live together, in a kind of philosophers' menage a trois.
A fierce critic of Christian morals, Ree found this idea delightful. He wrote
to his friend about Salome, describing how desperate she was to meet him. After
a few such letters, Nietzsche hurried to Rome. Ree had made this invitation to
please Salome, and to impress her; he also wanted to see if Nietzsche shared
his enthusiasm for the young girl's ideas. But as soon as Nietzsche arrived,
something unpleasant happened; the great philosopher, who had always been a
loner, was obviously smitten with Salome. Instead of the three of them sharing
intellectual conversations together, Nietzsche seemed to be conspiring to get
the girl alone. When Ree caught glimpses of Nietzsche and Salome talking
without including him, he felt shivers of jealousy. Forget about some
philosophers' menage a trois: Salome was his, he had discovered her, and he
would not share her, even with his good friend. Somehow he had to get her
alone. Only then could he woo and win her. Madame Salome had planned to escort
her daughter back to Russia, but Salome wanted to stay in Europe. Ree
intervened, offering to travel with the Salomes to Germany and introduce them
to his own mother, who, he promised, would look after the girl and act as a
chaperone. (Ree knew that his mother would be a lax guardian at best.) Madame
Salome agreed to this proposal, but Nietzsche was harder to shake: he decided
to join them on their northward journey to Ree's home in Prussia. At one point
in the trip, Nietzsche and Salome took a walk by themselves, and Let me tell
you about a gentleman I once knew who, although he was of pleasing appearance
and modest behavior, and also a very capable warrior, was not so outstanding as
regards any of these qualities that there were not to befound many who were his
equal and even better. However, as luck would have it, a certain lady fell very
deeply in love with him. She saw that he felt the same way, and as her love
grew day by day, there not being any way for them to speak to each other, she
revealed her sentiments to another lady, who she hoped would be of service to
her in this affair. Now this lady neither in rank nor beauty was a whit
inferior to the first; and it came about that when she heard the young man
(whom she had never seen) spoken of so affectionately, and came to realize that
the other woman, whom she knew was extremely discreet and intelligent, loved him
beyond words, she straight away began to imagine that he must be the most
handsome, the wisest, the most discreet of men, and, in short, the man most
worthy of her love in all the world. So, never having set eyes on him, shefell
in love with him so passionately that she set out to win him not for herfriend
but for herself And in this she succeeded with little effort, for indeed she
was a woman more to be wooed than to do the wooing. And now listen
tothesplendid sequel: not long afterward it happened that a letter which she
had written to her lover fell into the hands of another woman of comparable
rank, charm, and beauty; and since she, like most women, was curious and eager
to learn secrets, she opened the letter and read it. Realizing that it was
written from the depths of passion, in the most loving and ardent terms, she
was at first moved with compassion, for she knew very wellfrom whom the letter
came and to whom it was addressed; then, however, such was the power of the
words she read, turning them over in her mind and considering what kind of man
it must be who had been able to arouse such great love, she at once began to
fall in love with him herself; and the letter was without doubt far more
effective than if the young man had himself written it to her. And just as it
sometimes happens that the poison preparedfor a prince kills the one who tastes
his food, so that poor woman, in her greediness, drank the love potion prepared
for another. What more is there to say? The affair was no secret, and things so
developed that many other women besides, partly to spite the others and partly
to follow their when they came back, Ree had the feeling that something
physical had happened between them. His blood boiled; Salome was slipping from
his grasp. Finally the groupsplitup, the mother returning to Russia, Nietzsche
to his summer place in Tautenburg, Ree and Salome staying behind at Ree's home.
But Salome did not stay long: she accepted an invitation of Nietzsche's to
visit him, unchaperoned, in Tautenburg. In her absence Ree was consumed with
doubts and anger. He wanted her more than ever, and was prepared to redouble
his efforts. When she finally came back, Ree vented his bitterness, railing
against Nietzsche, criticizing his philosophy, and questioning his motives
toward the girl. But Salome took Nietzsche's side. Ree was in despair; he felt
he had lost her for good. Yet a few days later she surprised him again: she had
decided she wanted to live with him, and with him alone. At last Ree had what
he had wanted, or so he thought. The couple settled in Berlin, where they
rented an apartment together. But now, to Ree's dismay, the old pattern
repeated. They lived together but Salome was courted on all sides by young men.
The darling of Berlin's intellectuals, who admired her independent spirit, her
refusal to compromise, she was constantly surrounded by a harem of men, who
referred to her as "Her Excellency." Once again Ree found himself
competing for her attention. Driven to despair, he left her a few years later,
and eventually committed suicide. In 1911, Sigmund Freud met Salome (now known
as Lou Andreas- Salome) at a conference in Germany. She wanted to devote
herself to the psychoanalytical movement, she said, and Freud found her
enchanting, although, like everyone else, he knew the story of her infamous
affair with Nietzsche (see page 46, "The Dandy"). Salome had no
background in psychoanalysis or in therapy of any kind, but Freud admitted her
into the inner circle of followers who attended his private lectures. Soon
after she joined the circle, one of Freud's most promising and brilliant
students. Dr. Victor Tausk, sixteen years younger than Salome, fell in love
with her. Salome's relationship with Freud had been platonic, but he had grown
extremely fond of her. He was depressed when she missed a lecture, and would
send her notes and flowers. Her involvement in a love affair with Tausk made
him intensely jealous, and he began to compete for her attention. Tausk had
been like a son to him, but the son was threatening to steal the father's
platonic lover. Soon, however, Salome left Tausk. Now her friendship with Freud
was stronger than ever, and so it lasted until her death, in 1937.
Interpretation. Men did not just fall in love with Lou Andreas-Salome; they
were overwhelmed with the desire to possess her, to wrest her away from others,
to be the proud owner of her body and spirit. They rarely saw her alone; she
always in some way surrounded herself with other men. Appear to Be an Object of
Desire-Create Triangles • 199 When she saw that Ree was interested in her, she
mentioned her desire to meet Nietzsche. This inflamed Ree, and made him want to
marry her and to keep him for himself, but she insisted on meeting his friend.
His letters to Nietzsche betrayed his desire for this woman, and this in turn
kindled Nietzsche's own desire for her, even before he had met her. Every time
one of the two men was alone with her, the other was in the background. Then,
later on, most of the men who met her knew of the infamous Nietzsche affair,
and this only increased their desire to possess her, to compete with
Nietzsche's memory. Freud's affection for her, similarly, turned into potent
desire when he had to vie with Tausk for her attention. Salome was intelligent
and attractive enough on her own account; but her constant strategy of imposing
a triangle of relationships on her suitors made her desirability intense. And
while they fought over her, she had the power, being desired by all and subject
to none. Our desire for another person almost always involves social
considerations: we are attracted to those who are attractive to other people.
We want to possess them and steal them away. You can believe all the
sentimentalnonsense you want to about desire, but in the end, much of it has to
do with vanity and greed. Do not whine and moralize about people's selfishness,
but simply use it to your advantage. The illusion that you are desired by
others will make you more attractive to your victims than your beautiful face
or your perfect body. And the most effective way to create that illusion is to
create a triangle: impose another person between you and your victim,and subtly
make your victim aware of how much this other person wants you. The third point
on the triangle does not have to be just one person: surround yourself with
admirers, reveal your past conquests-in other words, envelop yourself in an
aura of desirability. Make your targets compete with your past and your
present. They will long to possess you all to themselves, giving you great
power for as long as you elude their grasp. Fail to make yourself an object of
desire right from the start, and you will end up the sorry slave to the whims
of your lovers-they will abandon you the moment they lose interest. [A person]
will desire any object so long as he is convinced that it is desired by another
person whom he admires. -RENE GIRARD Keys to Seduction W e are social
creatures, and are immensely influenced by the tastes and desires of other
people. Imagine a large social gathering. You see a
man
alone, whom nobody talks to for any length of time, and who is wandering around
without company; isn't there a kind of self-fulfilling isolation about him? Why
is he alone, why is he avoided? There has to be a reason. Until someone takes
pity on this man and starts up a conversation example, put every care and
effort into winning this man's love, squabbling over it for a while as boys do
for cherries. -BALDASSARE CASTIGLIONE, THE BOOK OFTHE COURTIER, TRANSLATED BY
GEORGE BULL Most of the time we prefer one thing to another because that is
what our friends already prefer or because that object has marked social
significance. Adults, when they are hungry, are just like children in that they
seek out thefoods that others take. In their love affairs, they seek out the
man or woman whom others find attractive and abandon those who are not sought
after. When we say of a man or woman that he or she is desirable, what we
really mean is that others desire them. It is not that they have some
particular quality, but because they conform to some currently modish model.
-SERGE MOSCOVICI, THE AGE OF THE CROWD.A HISTORICAL TREATISE ON MASS PSYCHOL-
OGT,TRANSLATEDBYJ. C. WHITEHOUSE It will be greatly to your advantage to
entertain the lady you would win with an account of the number of women who are
in love with you, and of the decided advances which they have made to you; for
this will not only prove that you are a greatfavorite with the ladies, and a
man of true honor, but it will convince her that she may have the honor of
being enrolled in the same list, and of being praised in the same way, in the
presence of your otherfemale friends. This will greatly delight her, and you
need not be surprised if she testifies her admiration of your character by
throwing her arms around your neck on the spot. -LOLA MONTEZ, THE ARTS AND
SECRETS OF BEAUTY, WITH HINTS TO GENTLEMEN ON THE ART OF FASCINATING [Rene]
Girard's mimetic desire occurs when an individual subject desires an object
because it is desired by another subject, here designated as the rival: desire
is modeled on with him, he will look unwanted and unwantable. But over there,
in another corner, is a woman surrounded by people. They laugh at her remarks,
and as they laugh, others join the group, attracted by its gaiety. When she
moves around, people follow. Her face is glowing with attention. There has to
be a reason. In both cases, of course, there doesn't actually have to be a
reason at all. The neglected man may have quite charming qualities, supposing
you ever talk to him; but most likely you won't. Desirability is a social
illusion. Its source is less what you say or do, or any kind of boasting or
self- advertisement, than the sense that other people desire you. To turn your
targets' interest into something deeper, into desire, you must make them see
you as a person whom others cherish and covet. Desire is both imitative (we
like what others like) and competitive (we want to take away from others what
they have). As children, we wanted to monopolize the attention of a parent, to
draw it away from other siblings. This sense of rivalry pervades human desire,
repeating throughout our lives. Make people compete for your attention, make
them see you as sought after by everyone else. The aura of desirability will
envelop you. the wishes or actions of another. Philippe Lacoue- Labarthe says
that "the basic hypothesis upon which rests Girard's famous analysis [is
that] every desire is the desire of the other (and not immediately desire of an
object), every structure of desire is triangular (including the other-mediator
or model-whose desire desire imitates), every desire is thus from its inception
tapped by hatred and rivalry; in short, the origin of desire is mimesis -
mimeticism-and no desire is ever forged which does not desire forthwith the
death or disappearance of the model or exemplary character which gave rise to
it. -JAMES MANDRELL, DON JUAN AND THE POINT OF HONOR Your admirers can be
friends or even suitors. Call it the harem effect. Pauline Bonaparte, sister of
Napoleon, raised her value in men's eyes by always having a group of worshipful
men around her at balls and parties. If she went for a walk, it was never with
one man, always with two or three. Perhaps these men were simply friends, or
even just props and hangers-on; the sight of them was enough to suggest that
she was prized and desired, a woman worth fighting over. Andy Warhol, too,
surrounded himself with the most glamorous, interesting people he could find.
To be part of his inner circle meant that you were desirable as well. By
placing himself in the middle but keeping himself aloof from it all, he made
everyone compete for his attention. He stirred people's desire to possess him
by holding back. Practices like these not only stimulate competitive desires, they
take aim at people's prime weakness: their vanity and self-esteem. We can
endure feeling that another person has more talent, or more money, but the
sense that a rival is more desirable than we are-that is unbearable. In the
early eighteenth century, the Duke de Richelieu, a great rake, managed to seduce
a young woman who was rather religious but whose husband, a dolt, was often
away. He then proceeded to seduce her upstairs neighbor, a young widow. When
the two women discovered that he was going from one to the other in the same
night, they confronted him. A lesser man would have fled, but not the duke; he
understood the dynamic of vanity and desire. Neither woman wanted to feel that
he preferred the other. And so he managed to arrange a little menage a trois,
knowing that now they would struggle between themselves to be the favorite.
When people's vanity is at risk, you can make them do whatever you want.
According to Stendhal, if there is a woman you are interested in, pay attention
to her sister. That will stir a triangular desire. Your reputation-your
illustrious past as a seducer-is ait effective way Appear to Be an Object of
Desire-Create Triangles • 201 of creating an aura of desirability. Women threw
themselves at Errol Flynn's feet, not because of his handsome face, and
certainly not because of his acting skills, but because of his reputation. They
knew that other women had found him irresistible. Once he had established that
reputation, he did not have to chase women anymore; they came to him. Men who
believe that a rakish reputation will make women fear or distrust them, and
should be played down, are quite wrong. On the contrary, it makes them more
attractive. The virtuous Duchess de Montpensier, the Grande Mademoiselle of
seventeenth-century France, began by enjoying a friendship with the rake
Lauzun, but a troubling thought soon occurred to her: if a man with Lauzun's
past did not see her as a possible lover, something had to be wrong with her.
This anxiety eventually pushed her into his arms. To be part of a great
seducer's club of conquests can be a matter of vanity and pride. We are happy
to be in such company, to have our name broadcast as this man or woman's lover.
Your own reputation may not be so alluring, but you must find a way to suggest
to your victim that others, many others, have found you desirable. It is
reassuring. There is nothing like a restaurant full of empty tables to persuade
you not to go in. A variation on the triangle strategy is the use of contrasts:
careful exploitation of people who are dull or unattractive may enhance your
desirability by comparison. At a social affair, for instance, make sure that
your target has to chat with the most boring person available. Come to the
rescue and your target will be delighted to see you. In The Seducer's Diary, by
Spren Kierkegaard, Johannes has designs on the innocent young Cordelia. Knowing
that his friend Edward is hopelessly shy and dull, he encourages this man to
court her; a few weeks of Edward's attentions will make her eyes wander in
search of someone else, anyone else, and Johannes will make sure that they
settle on him. Johannes chose to strategize and maneuver, but almost any social
environment will contain contrasts you can make use of almost naturally. The
seventeenth-century English actress Nell Gwyn became the main mistress of King
Charles II because her humor and unaffectedness made her that much more
desirable among the many stiff and pretentious ladies of Charles's court. When
the Shanghai actress Jiang Qing met Mao Zedong, in 1937, she did not have to do
much to seduce him; the other women in his mountain camp in Yenan dressed like
men, and were decidedly unfeminine. The sight alone of Jiang was enough to
seduce Mao, who soon left his wife for her. To make use of contrasts, either
develop and display those attractive attributes (humor, vivacity, and so on)
that are the scarcest in your own social group, or choose a group in which your
natural qualities are rare, and will shine. The use of contrasts has vast
political ramifications, for a political figure must also seduce and seem
desirable. Leam to play up the qualities that your rivals lack. Peter II, czar
in eighteenth-century Russia, was arrogant and irresponsible, so his wife,
Catherine the Great, did all she could to seem modest and dependable. When
Vladimir Lenin returned to Russia in 1917 after Czar Nicholas II had been
deposed, he made a show of decisiveness It's annoying that our new acquaintance
likes the boy. But aren't the best things in life free to all? The sun shines
on everyone. The moon, accompanied by countless stars, leads even the beasts to
pasture. What can you think of lovelier than water? But it flows for the whole
world. Is love alone then something furtive rather than something to be gloried
in? Exactly, that's just it -/ don't want any of the good things of life unless
people are envious of them. -PETRONIUS, THE SATYRICON, TRANSLATED BY J. P.
SULLIVAN and discipline-precisely what no other leader had at the time. In the
American presidential race of 1980, the irresoluteness of Jimmy Carter made the
single-mindedness of Ronald Reagan look desirable. Contrasts are eminently
seductive because they do not depend on your own words or self-advertisements.
The public reads them unconsciously, and sees what it wants to see. Finally,
appearing to be desired by others will raise your value, but often how you
carry yourself can influence this as well. Do not let your targets see you so
often; keep your distance, seem unattainable, out of their reach. An object that
is rare and hard to obtain is generally more prized. Symbol: The Trophy. What
makes you want to win the trophy, and to see it as something worth having, is
the sight of the other competitors. Some, out of a spirit of kindness, may want
to reward everyonefor trying, but the Trophy then loses its value. It must
represent not only your victory but everyone else's defeat. Reversal T here is
no reversal. It is essential to appear desirable in the eyes of others. 5. Create
a Need- Stir Anxiety and Discontent. A perfectly satisfied person cannot be
seduced. Tension and disharmony must be instilled in your targets' minds. Stir
within them feelings of discontent, an unhappiness with their circumstances and
with themselves: their life lacks adventure, they have strayed from the ideals
of their youth, they have become boring. Thefeelings of inadequacy that you
create will give you space to insinuate yourself, to make them see you as the
answer to their problems. Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure.
Learn to manufacture the need that you can fill. Opening a Wound. I n the
coal-mining town of Eastwood, in central England, David Herbert Lawrence was
considered something of a strange lad. Pale and delicate, he had no time for
games or boyish pursuits, but was interested in literature; and he preferred
the company of girls, who made up most of his friends. Lawrence often visited
the Chambers family, who had been his neighbors until they moved out of
Eastwood to a farm not far away.Heliked to study with the Chambers sisters,
particularly Jessie; she was shy and serious, and getting her to open up and
confide in him was a pleasurable challenge. Jessie grew quite attached to
Lawrence over the years, and they became good friends. One day in 1906,
Lawrence, twenty-one at the time, did not show up at the usual hour for his
study session with Jessie. He finally arrived much later, in a mood she had
never seen before-preoccupied and quiet. Now it was her turn to make him open
up. Linally he talked: he felt she was getting too close to him. What about her
future? Whom would she marry? Certainly not him, he said, for they were just
friends. But it was unfair of him to keep her from seeing others. They should
of course remain friends and have their talks, but maybe less often. When he
finished and left, she felt a strange emptiness. She had yet to think much
about love or marriage. Suddenly she had doubts. What would her future be? Why
wasn't she thinking about it? She felt anxious and upset, without understanding
why. Lawrence continued to visit, but everything had changed. He criticized her
for this and that. She wasn't very physical. What kind of wife would she make
anyway? A man needed more from a woman than just talk. He likened her to a nun.
They began to see each other less often. When, some time later,Lawrence
accepted a teaching position at a school outside London, she felt part relieved
to be rid of him for a while. But when he said goodbye to her, and intimated
that it might be for the last time, she broke down and cried. Then he started
sending her weekly letters. He would write about girls he was seeing; maybe one
of them would be his wife. Linally, at his behest, she visited him in London.
They got along well, as in the old times, but he continued to badger her about
her future, picking at that old wound. At Christmas he was back in Eastwood,
and when he visited her he seemed exultant. He had decided that it was Jessie
he should marry, that he had in fact been attracted to her all along. They
should keep it quiet for a while; although his writing career was taking off
(his first No one can fall in love if he is even partially satisfied with what
he has or who he is. The experience of falling in love originates in an extreme
depression, an inability to find something that has value in everyday life. The
"symptom" of the predisposition to fall in love is not the conscious
desire to do so, the intense desire to enrich our lives; it is the profound
sense of being worthless and of having nothing that is valuable and the shame
of not having it. . . . For this reason, falling in love occurs more frequently
among young people, since they are profoundly uncertain, unsure of their worth,
and often ashamed of themselves. The same thing applies to people of other ages
when they lose something in their lives - when their youth ends or when they
start to grow old. -FRANCESCO ALBERONI, FALLING IN LOVE, TRANSLATED BY LAWRENCE
VENUTI "What can Love be then?" I said. "A mortal?"
"Far from it." "Well, what?" "As in my previous examples,
he is half-way between mortal and immortal." What sort of being is he
then, Diotima?" "He is a great spirit, Socrates; everything that is
of the nature of a spirit is half-god and halfman." . . . "Who are
his parents?" I asked. "That is rather a long story," she
answered, "but I will tell you. On the day that Aphrodite was born the
gods were feasting, among them Contrivance the son of Invention; and after
dinner, seeing that a party was in progress, Poverty came to beg and stood at
the door. Now Contrivance was drunk with nectar - wine, I may say, had not yet
been discovered-and went out into the garden of Zeus, and was overcome by
sleep. So Poverty, thinking to alleviate her wretched condition by bearing a
child to Contrivance, lay with him and conceived Love. Since Love was begotten
on Aphrodite's birthday, and since he has also an innate passion for the
beautiful, and so for the beauty of Aphrodite herself, he
became
her follower and servant. Again, having Contrivance for his father and Poverty
for his mother, he bears the following character. He is always poor, and, far
from being sensitive and beautiful, as most people imagine, he is hard and
weather-beaten, shoeless and homeless, always sleeping outfor want of a bed, on
the ground, on doorsteps, and in the street. So far he takes after his mother
and lives in want. But, being also his father's novel was about to be
published), he needed to make more money. Caught off guard by this sudden
announcement, and overwhelmed with happiness, Jessie agreed to everything, and
they became lovers. Soon, however, the familiar pattern repeated: criticisms,
breakups, announcements that he was engaged to another girl. This only deepened
his hold on her. It was not until 1912 that she finally decided never to see him
again, disturbed by his portrayal of her in the autobiographical novel Sons and
Lovers. But Lawrence remained a lifelong obsession for her. In 1913, a young
English woman named Ivy Low, who had read Lawrence's novels, began to
correspond with him, her letters gushing with admiration. By now Lawrence was
married, to a German woman, the Baroness Frieda von Richthofen. To Low's
surprise, though, he invited her to visit him and his wife in Italy. She knew
he wasprobablysomethingof a Don Juan, but was eager to meet him, and accepted
his invitation. Lawrence was not what she had expected: his voice was
high-pitched, his eyes were piercing, and there was something vaguely feminine
about him. Soon they were taking walks together, with Lawrence confiding in
Low. She felt that they were becoming friends, which delighted her. Then
suddenly, just before she was to leave, he launched into a series of criticisms
of her-she was so unspontaneous, so predictable, less human being than robot.
Devastated by this unexpected attack, she nevertheless had to agree- what he
had said was true. What could he have seen in her in the first place? Who was
she anyway? Low left Italy feeling empty-but then Lawrence continued to write
to her, as if nothing had happened. She soon realized that she had fallen
hopelessly in love with him, despite everything he had said to her. Or was it
not despite what he had said, but because of it? In 1914, the writer John
Middleton-Murry received a letter from Lawrence, a good friend of his. In the
letter, out of nowhere, Lawrence criticized Middleton-Murry for being
passionless and not gallant enough with his wife, the novelist Katherine
Mansfield. Middleton-Murry later wrote, "I had never felt for a man before
what his letter made me feel for him. It was a new thing, a unique thing, in my
experience; and it was to rmain unique." He felt that beneath Lawrence's
criticisms lay some weird kind of affection. Whenever he saw Lawrence from then
on, he felt a strange physical attraction that he could not explain. Interpretation.
The number of women, and of men, who fell under Lawrence's spell is astonishing
given how unpleasant he could be. In almost every case the relationship began
in friendship-with frank talks, exchanges of confidences, a spiritual bond.
Then, invariably, he would suddenly turn against them, voicing harsh personal
criticisms. He would know them well by that time, and the criticisms were often
quite accurate, and hit a nerve. This would inevitably trigger confusion in his
victims, and a sense of anxiety, a feeling that something was wrong with them.
Jolted out of their usual sense of normality, they would feel divided inside.
With half of their minds Create a Need-Stir Anxiety and Discontent •they
wondered why he was doing this, and felt he was unfair; with the other half,
they believed it was all true. Then, in those moments of selfdoubt, they would
get a letter or a visit from him in which he was his old charming self. Now
they saw him differently Now they were weak and vulnerable, in need of something;
and he would seem so strong. Now he drew them to him, feelings of friendship
turning into affection and desire. Once they felt uncertain about themselves,
they were susceptible to falling in love. Most of us protect ourselves from the
harshness of life by succumbing to routines and patterns, by closing ourselves
off from others. But underlying these habits is a tremendous sense of
insecurity and defensiveness. We feel we are not really living. The seducer
must pick at this wound and bring these semiconscious thoughts into full
awareness. This was what Lawrence did; his sudden, brutally unexpected jabs
would hit people at their weak spot. Although Lawrence had great success with
his frontal approach, it is often better to stir thoughts of inadequacy and
uncertainty indirectly, by hinting at comparisons to yourself or to others, and
by insinuating somehow that your victims' lives are less grand than they had
imagined. You want them to feel at war with themselves, torn in two directions,
and anxious about it. Anxiety, a feeling of lack and need, is the precursor of
all desire. These jolts in the victim's mind create space for you to insinuate
your poison, the siren call of adventure or fulfillment that will make them
follow you into your web. Without anxiety and a sense of lack there can be no
seduction. son, he schemes to get for himself whatever is beautiful and good;
he is bold andforward and strenuous,always devising tricks like a cunning
huntsman." -PLATO, SYMPOSIUM, TRANSLATED BY WALTERHAMILTON We are all like
pieces of the coins that children break in half for keepsakes - making two out
of one, like the flatfish-and each of us is forever seeking the half that will
tally with himself . . . And so all this to-do is a relic of that original
state of ours when we were whole, and now, when we are longing for and
following after that primeval wholeness, we say we are in love. -ARISTOPHANES'S
SPEECH IN PLATO'S SYMPOSIUM, QUOTED IN JAMES MANDRELL, DONJUAN AND THE POINT OF
HONOR Desire and love have for their object things or qualities which a man
does not at present possess but which he lacks. -SOCRATES Don John: Well met,
pretty lass! What! Are there such handsome Creatures as you amongst these
Fields, these Trees, and Rocks? • Charlotta: I Keys to Seduction E veryone
wears a mask in society; we pretend to be more sure of ourselves than we are.
We do not want other people to glimpse that doubting self within us. In truth,
our egos and personalities are much more fragile than they appear to be; they
cover up feelings of confusion and emptiness. As a seducer, you must never
mistake a person's appearance for the reality. People are always susceptible
tobeingseduced, because in fact everyone lacks a sense of completeness, feels
something missing deep inside. Bring their doubts and anxieties to the surface
and they can be led and lured to follow you. No one can see you as someone to
follow or fall in love with unless they first reflect on themselves somehow,
and on what they are missing. Before the seduction proceeds, you must place a
mirror in front of them in am as you see, Sir. • Don John: Are you of this
Village? • Charlotta: Yes, Sir. • Don John: What's your name? • Charlotta:
Charlotta, Sir, at your Service. • Don John: Ah what a fine Person 'tis! What
piercing Eyes! • Charlotta: Sir, you make me ashamed. . . . • Don John: Pretty
Charlotta, you are not marry'd, are you? • Charlotta: No, Sir, but I am soon to
be, with Pierrot, son to Goody Simonetta. • Don John: What! Shou'd such a one
as you be Wife to aPeasant! No, no; that's a profanation of so much Beauty. You
was not born to live in a Village. You certainly deserve a better Fortune, and
Heaven, which knows it well, brought me hither on purpose to hinder this
Marriage and do justice to your Charms; for in short, fair Charlotta, 1 love
you with all my Heart, and if you'll consent I'll deliver you from this
miserable Place, and put you in the Condition you deserve. This Love is
doubtless sudden, but 'tis an Effect of your great Beauty. I love you as much
in a quarter of an Hour as I shou'd another in six Months. -MOLIERE, DON JOHN;
OR, THE UBERTINE, TRANSLATED BY JOHN OZELL, IN OSCAR MANDEL, ED., THE THEATRE
OF DON JUAN For I stand tonight facing west on what was once the last frontier.
From the lands that stretch three thousand miles behind me, the pioneers of old
gave up their safety, their comfort, and sometimes their lives to build a new
world here in the West. They were not the captives of their own doubts, the
prisoners of their own price tags. Their motto was not "every man for
himself--but "all for the common cause." They were determined to make
that new world strong and free, to overcome its hazards and its hardships, to
conquer the enemies that threatened from without and within. ..." Today
some would say that those struggles are all over-that all the horizons have
been explored, that all the battles have been won, that there is no longer an
which they glimpse that inner emptiness. Made aware of a lack, they now can
focus on you as the person who can fill that empty space. Remember: most of us
are lazy. To relieve our feelings of boredom or inadequacy on our own takes too
much effort; letting someone else do the job is both easier and more exciting.
The desire to have someone fill up our emptiness
is
the weakness on which all seducers prey. Make people anxious about the future,
make them depressed, make them question their identity, make them sense the
boredom that gnaws at their life. The ground is prepared. The seeds of
seduction can be sown. In Plato's dialogue Symposium -the West's oldest
treatise on love, and a text that has had a determining influence on our ideas
of desire-the courtesan Diotima explains to Socrates the parentage of Eros, the
god of love. Eros's father was Contrivance, or Cunning, and his mother was
Poverty, or Need. Eros takes after his parents: he is constantly in need, which
he is constantly contriving to fill. As the god of love, he knows that love
cannot be induced in another person unless they too feel need. And that is what
his arrows do: piercing people's flesh, they make them feel a lack, an ache, a
hunger. This is the essence of your task as a seducer. Like Eros, you must
create a wound in your victim, aiming at their soft spot, the chink in their
self-esteem. If they are stuck in a rut, make them feel it more deeply,
"innocently" bringing it up and talking about it. What you want is a
wound, an insecurity you can expand a little, an anxiety that can best be
relieved by involvement with another person, namely you. They must feel the
wound before they fall in love. Notice how Lawrence stirred anxiety, always
hitting at his victims' weak spot: for Jessie Chambers, her physical coldness;
for Ivy Low, her lack of spontaneity; for Middleton-Murry, his lack of
gallantry. Cleopatra got Julius Caesar to sleep with her the first night he met
her, but the real seduction, the one that made him her slave, began later. In
their ensuing conversations she talked repeatedly of Alexander the Great, the
hero from whom she was supposedly descended. No one could compare to him. By
implication, Caesar was made to feel inferior. Understanding that beneath his
bravado Caesar was insecure, Cleopatra awakened in him an anxiety, a hunger to
prove his greatness. Once he felt this way he was easily further seduced.
Doubts about his masculinity was his tender spot. When Caesar was assassinated,
Cleopatra turned her sights on Mark Antony, one of Caesar's successors in the
leadership of Rome. Antony loved pleasure and spectacle, and his tastes were
crude. She appeared to him first on her royal barge, then wined and dined and
banqueted him. Everything was geared to suggest to him the superiority of the
Egyptian way of life over the Roman, at least when it came to pleasure. The
Romans were boring and unsophisticated by comparison. And once Antony was made
to feel how much he was missing in spending his time with his dull soldiers and
hismatronly Roman wife, he could be made to see Cleopatra as the incarnation of
all that was exciting. He became her slave. This is the lure of the exotic. In
your role of seducer, try to position yourself as coming from outside, as a
stranger of sorts. You represent change, difference, a breakup of routines.
Make your victims feel that by comparison their lives are boring and their
friends less interesting than they had thought. Lawrence made his targets feel
personally inadequate; if you find it hard to be so brutal, concentrate on
their friends, their circumstances, the externals of their lives. There are
many legends of Don Juan, but they often describe him seducing a village girl
by making her feel that her life is horribly provincial. He, meanwhile, wears
glittering clothes andhas a noble bearing. Strange and exotic, he is always
from somewhere else. First she feels the boredom of her life, then she sees him
as her salvation. Remember: people prefer to feel that if their life is
uninteresting, it not because of themselves but because of their circumstances,
the dull people they know, the town into which they were born. Once you make them
feel the lure of the exotic, seduction is easy. Another devilishly seductive
area to aim at is the victim's past. To grow old is to renounce or compromise
youthful ideals, to become less spontaneous, less alive in a way. This
knowledge lies dormant in all of us. As a seducer you must bring it to the
surface, make it clear how far people have strayed from their past goals and
ideals. You, in turn, present yourself as representing that ideal, as offering
a chance to recapture lost youth through adventure-through seduction. In her
later years. Queen Elizabeth I of England was known as a rather stern and
demanding ruler. She made it a point not to let her courtiers see anything soft
or weak in her. But then Robert Devereux, the second Earl of Essex, came to court.
Much younger than the queen, the dashing Essex would often chastize her for her
sourness. The queen would forgive him-he was so exuberant and spontaneous, he
could not control himself. But his comments got under her skin; in the presence
of Essex she came to remember all the youthful ideals-spiritedness, feminine
charm-that had since vanished from her life. She also felt a little of that
girlish spirit return when she was around him. He quickly became her favorite,
and soon she was in love with him. Old age is constantly seduced by youth, but
first the young people must make it clear what the older ones are missing, how
they have lost their ideals. Only then will they feel that the presence of the
young will let them recapture that spark, the rebellious spirit that age and
society have conspired to repress. This concept has infinite applications.
Corporations and politicians know that they cannot seduce their public into
buying what they want them to buy, or doing what they want them to do, unless
they first awaken a sense of need and discontent. Make the masses uncertain
about their identity and you can help define it for them. It is as true of
groups or nations as it is of individuals: they cannot be seduced without being
made to feel some lack. Part of John F. Kennedy's election strategy in 1960 was
to make Americans unhappy about the 1950s, and how far the country had strayed
from its ideals. In talking about the 1950s, he did not mention the nation's
economic stability or its emergence as a superpower. Instead, he implied that
the period was marked by conformity, a lack of risk and adventure, a loss of
our frontier values. To vote for Kennedy was to embark American frontier. • But
I trust that no one in this vast assemblage will agree with those sentiments. .
. . • ... I tell you the New Frontier is here, whether we seek it or not. ...
It would be easier to shrink back from that frontier, to look to the safe
mediocrity of the past, to be lulled by good intentions and high rhetoric-and
those who prefer that course should not cast their votesfor me, regardless of
party. • But I believe that the times demand invention, innovation,
imagination,
decision.
I am asking each of you to be new pioneers on that New Frontier. My call is to
the young in heart, regardless of age. -JOHN F. KENNEDY, ACCEPTANCE SPEECH AS
THE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY, QUOTED IN JOHN HELLMANN, THE
KENNEDY OBSESSION: THE AMERICAN MYTH OF JFK The normal rhythm of life
oscillates in general between a mild satisfaction with oneself and a slight
discomfort, originating in the knowledge of one's personal shortcomings. We
should like to be as handsome, young, strong or clever as other people of our
acquaintance. We wish we could achieve as much as they do, longfor similar advantages,
positions, the same or greater success. To be delighted with oneself is the
exception and, often enough, a smoke screen which we produce for ourselves and
of course for others. Somewhere in it is a lingering feeling of discomfort with
ourselves and a slight self-dislike. I assert that an increase of this spirit
of discontent renders a person especially susceptible to "falling in
love." ... In most cases this attitude of disquiet is unconscious, but in
some it reaches the threshold of awareness in the form of a slight uneasiness,
or a stagnant dissatisfaction, or a realization of being upset without knowing
why. -THEODOR REIK, OF LOVE AND LUST
on
a collective adventure, to go back to ideals we had given up. But before anyone
joined his crusade they had to be made aware of how much they had lost, what
was missing. A group, like an individual, can get mired in routine, losing
track of its original goals. Too much prosperity saps it of strength. You can
seduce an entire nation by aiming at its collective insecurity, that latent
sense that not everything is what it seems. Stirring dissatisfaction with the
present and reminding people about the glorious past can unsettle their sense
of identity. Then you can be the one to redefine it-a grand seduction. Symbol:
Cupid's Arrow. What awakens desire in the seduced is not a soft touch or a
pleasant sensation; it is a wound. The arrow creates a pain, an ache, a needfor
relief Before desire there must be pain. Aim the arrow at the victim's weakest
spot, creating a wound that you can open and reopen. Reversal I f you go too
far in lowering the targets' self-esteem they may feel too insecure to enter
into your seduction. Do not be heavy-handed; like Lawrence, always follow up
the wounding attack with a soothing gesture. Otherwise you will simply alienate
them. Charm is often a subtler and more effective route to seduction. The
Victorian Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli always made people feel better about
themselves. He deferred to them, made them the center of attention, made them
feel witty and vibrant. He was a boon to their vanity, and they grew addicted
to him. This is a kind of diffused seduction, lacking in tension and in the
deep emotions that the sexual variety stirs; it bypasses people's hunger, their
need for some kind of fulfillment. But if you are subtle and clever, it can be
a way of lowering their defenses, creating an unthreatening friendship. Once
they are under your spell in this way, you can then open the wound. Indeed,
after Disraeli had charmed Queen Victoria and established a friendship with
her, he made her feel vaguely inadequate in the establishment of an empire and
the realization of her ideals. Everything depends on the target. People who are
riddled with insecurities may require the gentler variety. Once they feel
comfortable with you, aim your arrows. 6 Master the Art of Insinuation Making
your targetsfeel dissatisfied and in need of your attention is essential, but
if you are too obvious, they will see through you and grow defensive. There is
no known defense, however, against insinuation-the art of planting ideas in
people's minds by dropping elusive hints that take root days later, even
appearing to them as their own idea. Insinuation is the supreme means of
influencing people. Create a sublanguage-bold statements followed by retraction
andapology, ambiguous comments, banal talk combined with alluring glances-that
enters the target's unconscious to convey your real meaning. Make everything
suggestive. Insinuating Desire. One evening in the 1770s, a young man went to
the Paris Opera to meet his lover, the Countess de_. The couple had been
fighting, and he was anxious to see her again. The countess had not arrived yet
at her box, but from an adjacent one a friend of hers, Madame de T_, called out
to the young man to join her, remarking that it was an excellent stroke of luck
that they had met that evening-he must keep her company on a trip she had to
take. The young man wanted urgently to see the countess, but Madame was
charming and insistent and he agreed to go with her. Before he could ask why or
where, she quickly escorted him to her carriage outside, which then sped off.
Now the young man enjoined his hostess to tell him where she was taking him. At
first she just laughed, but finally she told him: to her husband's chateau. The
couple had been estranged, but had decided to reconcile; her husband was a
bore, however, and she felt a charming young man like himself would liven
things up. The young man was intrigued: Madame was an older woman, with a reputation
for being rather formal, though he also knew she had a lover, a marquis. Why
had she chosen him for this excursion? Her story was not quite credible. Then,
as they traveled, she suggested he look out the window at the passing
landscape, as she was doing. He had to lean over toward her to do so, and just
as he did, the carriage jolted. She grabbed his hand and fell into his arms.
She stayed there for a moment, then pulled away from him rather abruptly. After
an awkward silence, she said, "Do you intend to convince me of my
imprudence in your regard?" He protested that the incident had been an
accident and reassured her he would behave himself. In truth, however, having
her in his arms had made him think otherwise. They arrived at the chateau. The
husband came to meet them, and the young man expressed his admiration of the
building: "What you see is nothing," Madame interrupted, "I must
take you to Monsieur's apartment." Before he could ask what she meant, the
subject was quickly changed. The husband was indeed a bore, but he excused
himself after supper. Now Madame and the young man were alone. She invited him
to walk with her in the gardens; it was a splendid evening, and as they walked,
she slipped her arm in his. She was not worried that he would take advantage of
her, she said, because she knew how attached he was to her good friend the
countess. They talked of other things, and then she returned to the topic of As
we were about to enter the chamber, she stopped me. "Remember," she
said gravely, "you are supposed never to have seen, never even suspected,
the sanctuary you're about to enter. . . ." • . . . All this was like an
initiation rite. She led me by the hand across a small, dark corridor. My heart
was pounding as though I were a young proselyte being put to the test before
the celebration oj the great mysteries. . . . • "But your Countess
..." she said, stopping. I was about to reply when the doors opened; my
answer was interrupted by admiration. I was astonished, delighted, I no longer
know what became of me, and I began in good faith to believe in magic. ... In
truth, I found myself in a vast cage of mirrors on which images were so
artistically painted that they produced the illusion of all the objects they
represented. -VIVANT DENON,"NO TOMORROW," IN MICHEL FEHER, ED., THE
UBERTINE READER A few short years ago, in our native city, wherefraud and
cunning prosper more than love or loyalty, there was a noblewoman of striking
beauty and impeccable breeding, who was endowed by Nature with as lofty a
temperament and shrewd an intellect as could be found in any other woman of her
time. . . . • This lady, being of gentle birth his lover: "Is she making
you quite happy? Oh, I fear the contrary, and this distresses me. . . . Are you
not often the victim of her strange whims?" To the young man's surprise,
Madame began to talk of the countess in a way that made it seem that she had
been unfaithful to him (which was something he had suspected). Madame
sighed-she regretted saying such things about her friend, and asked him to
forgive her; then, as if a new thought had occurred to her, she mentioned a
nearby pavilion, a delightful place, full of pleasant memories. But the shame
of it was, it was locked and she had no key. And yet they found their way to
the pavilion, and lo and behold, the door had been left open. It was dark
inside, but the young man could sense that it was a place for trysts. They
entered and sank onto a sofa. and finding herself married off to a master
woollen- draper because he happened to be very rich, was unable and before he
knew what had come over him, he took her in his arms. Madame seemed to push him
away, but then gave in. Finally she came to her senses: they must return to the
house. Had he gone too far? He must to stifle her heartfelt contempt, for she
was firmly of the opinion that no man of low condition, however wealthy, was
deserving of a noble wife. And on discovering that all he was capable of
despite his massive wealth, was distinguishing wool from cotton, supervising
the setting up of a loom, or debating the virtues of a particular yarn with a
spinner-woman, she resolved that as far as it lay within her power she would
have nothing whatsoever to do with his beastly caresses. Moreover she was
determined to seek try to control himself. As they strolled back to the house,
Madame remarked, "What a delicious night we've just spent." Was she
referring to what had happened in the pavilion? "There is an even more
charming room in the chateau," she went on, "but I can't show you
anything," implying he had been too forward. She had mentioned this room
("Monsieur's apartment") several times before; he could not imagine
what could be so interesting about it, but by now he was dying to see it and
insisted she show it to him. "If you promise to be good," she
replied, her eyes widening. Through the darkness of the house she led him into
the room, which, to his delight, was a kind of temple of pleasure: there were
mirrors on the walls, trompe l'oeil paintings evoking a forest scene, even a
dark grotto, and a garlanded statue of Eros. Overwhelmed by the mood of the
place, the young man quickly resumed what he had started in the pavilion, and
would have lost all track of time if a servant had not rushed in and warned
them that it was getting light outside-Monsieur would soon be up. her pleasure
elsewhere, in the company of one who seemed more worthy of her affection, and
so it was that she fell deeply in love with an extremely eligible man in his
middle thirties. And whenever a day passed without her having set eyes upon
him, she was restless for the whole of the following night. • However, the
gentleman suspected nothing of all this, and took no notice of her; andfor her
part, being very cautious, she would not venture to declare her love by dispatching
a maidservant or writing him They quickly separated. Later that day, as the
young man prepared to leave, his hostess said, "Goodbye, Monsieur; I owe
you so many pleasures; but I have paid you with a beautiful dream. Now your
love summons you to return. . . . Don't give the Countess cause to quarrel with
me." Reflecting on his experience on the way back, he could not figure out
what it meant. He had the vague sensation of having been used, but the
pleasures he remembered outweighed his doubts. Interpretation. Madame de T_is a
character in the eighteenth-century libertine short story "No
Tomorrow," by Vivant Denon. The young man is the story's narrator.
Although fictional, Madame's techniques were clearly based on those of several
well-known libertines of the time, masters of the game of seduction. And the
most dangerous of their weapons was insinuation-the means by which Madame cast
her spell on the young man, making him seem the aggressor, giving her the night
of pleasure she desired. Master the Art of Insinuation • 215 and safeguarding
her guiltless reputation, all in one stroke. After all, he was the one who
initiated physical contact, or so it seemed. In truth, she was the one in
control, planting precisely the ideas in his mind that she wanted. That first
physical encounter in the carriage, for instance, that she had set up by
inviting him closer: she later rebuked him for being forward, but what lingered
in his mind was the excitement of the moment. Her talk of the countess made him
confused and guilty; but then she hinted that his lover was unfaithful,
planting a different seed in his mind: anger, and the desire for revenge. Then
she asked him to forget what she had said and forgive her for saying it, a key
insinuating tactic: "I am asking you to forget what I have said, but I
know you cannot; the thought will remain in your mind." Provoked this way,
it was inevitable he would grab her in the pavilion. She several times
mentioned the room in the chateau-of course he insisted on going there. She
enveloped the evening in an air of ambiguity. Even her words "If you
promise to be good" could be read several ways. The young man's head and
heart were inflamed with all of the feelings-discontent, confusion, desirethat
she had indirectly instilled in him. Particularly in the early phases of a
seduction, learn to make everything you say and do a kind of insinuation.
Insinuate doubt with a comment here and there about other people in the
victim's life, making the victim feel vulnerable. Slight physical contact insinuates
desire, as does a fleeting but memorable look, or an unusually warm tone of
voice, both for the briefest of moments. A passing comment suggests that
something about the victim interests you; but keep it subtle, your words
revealing a possibility, creating a doubt. You are planting seeds that will
take root in the weeks to come. When you are not there, your targets will
fantasize about the ideas you have stirred up, and brood upon the doubts. They
are slowly being led into your web, unaware that you are in control. How can
they resist or become defensive if they cannot even see what is happening? What
distinguishes a suggestion from other kinds of psychical influence, such as a
command or the giving of a piece of information or instruction, is that in the
case of a suggestion an idea is aroused in another person's brain which is not
examined in regard to its origin but is accepted just as though it had arisen
spontaneously in that brain. -SIGMUND FREUD Keys to Seduction Y ou cannot pass
through life without in one way or another trying to persuade people of
something. Take the direct route, saying exactly what you want, and your
honesty may make you feel good but you are probably not getting anywhere.
People have their own sets of ideas, which are hardened into stone by habit;
your words, entering their minds, com- a letter, for fear of the dangers that
this might entail. But having perceived that he was on very friendly terms with
a certain priest, a rotund, uncouth, individual who was nevertheless regarded
as an outstandingly able friar on account of his very saintly way of life, she
calculated that this fellow would serve as an ideal go- betweenfor her and the
man she loved. And so, after reflecting on the strategy she would adopt, she
paid a visit, at an appropriate hour of the day, to the church where he was to
befound, and having sought him out, she asked him whether he would agree to
confess her. Since he could tell at a glance that she was a lady of quality,
the friar gladly heard her confession, and when she had got to the end of it,
she continued as follows: • "Father, as I shall explain to you presently,
there is a certain matter about which I am compelled to seek your advice and
assistance. Having already told you my name, I feel sure you will know my
family and my husband. He loves me more dearly than life itself, and since he
is enormously rich, he never has the slightest difficulty or hesitation in
supplying me with every single object for which I display a yearning.
Consequently, my love for him is quite unbounded, and if my mere thoughts, to
say nothing of my actual behavior, were to run contrary to his wishes and his
honor, I would be more deserving of hellfire than the wickedest woman who ever
lived. • "Now, there is a certain person, of respectable outward
appearance, who unless I am mistaken is a close acquaintance of yours. I really
couldn't say what his name is, but he is tall and handsome, his clothes are
brown and elegantly cut, and, possibly because he is unaware of my resolute nature,
he appears to have laid siege to me. He turns up infallibly whenever I either
look out of my window or stand at the front door or leave the house, and I am
surprised, in fact, that he is not here now. Needless to say, I am very upset
about all this, because his sort of conduct frequently gives an honest woman a
bad name, even though she is quite innocent. • " . . . For the love of
God, therefore, I implore you to speak to him severely and persuade him to
refrain from his importunities. There are plenty of other women who doubtless
find this sort of thing amusing, and who will enjoy being ogled and spied upon
by him, but I personally have no inclination for it whatsoever, and I find
hisbehaviorexceedingly disagreeable." • And having reached the end of her speech,
the lady bowed head as though she were going to burst into tears. • The
reverend friar realized immediately who it was to whom she was referring, and
having warmly commended her purity of mind ... he promised to take all
necessary steps to ensure that the fellow ceased to annoy her. ..."
Shortly afterward, the gentleman in question paid one of his regular visits to
the reverendfriar, and after they had conversed together for a while on general
pete with the thousands of preconceived notions that are already there, and get
nowhere. Besides, people resent your attempt to persuade them, as if they were
incapable of deciding by themselves-as if you knew better. Consider instead the
power of insinuation and suggestion. It requires some patience and art, but the
results are more than worth it. The way insinuation works is simple: disguised
in a banal remark or encounter, a hint is dropped. It is about some emotional
issue-a possible pleasure not yet attained, a lack of excitement in a person's
life. The hint registers in the back of the target's mind, a subtle stab at his
or her insecurities; its source is quickly forgotten. It is too subtle to be
memorable at the time, and later, when it takes root and grows, it seems to
have emerged naturally from the target's own mind, as if it was there all
along. Insinuation lets you bypass people's natural resistance, for they seem
to be listening only to what has originated in themselves. It is a language on
its own, communicating directly with the unconscious. No seducer, no persuader,
can hope to succeed without mastering the language and art of insinuation. A
strange man once arrived at the court of Louis XV. No one knew anything about
him, and his accent and age were unplaceable. He called himself Count Saint-Germain.
He was obviously wealthy; all kinds of gems and diamonds glittered on his
jacket, his sleeves, his shoes, his fingers. He could play the violin to
perfection, paint magnificently. But the most intoxicating thing about him was
his conversation. In truth, the count was the greatest charlatan of the
eighteenth century-a man who had mastered the art of insinuation. As he spoke,
a word here and there would slip out-a vague allusion to the philosopher's
stone, which turned base metal into gold, or to the elixir of life. He did not
say he possessed these things, but he made you associate him with their powers.
Had he simply claimed to have them, no one would have believed him and people
would have turned away. The count might refer to a man who had died forty years
earlier as if he had known him personally; had this been so, the count would
have had to be in his eighties, although he looked to be in his forties. He
mentioned the elixir of life. ... he seems so young. . . . The key to the
count's words was vagueness. He always dropped his hints into a lively
conversation, grace notes in an ongoing melody. Only later would people reflect
on what he had said. After a while, people started to come to him, inquiring
about the philosopher's stone and the elixir of life, not realizing that it was
he who had planted these ideas in their minds. Remember: to sow a seductive
idea you must engage people's imaginations, their fantasies, their deepest
yearnings. What sets the wheels spinning is suggesting things that people
already want to hear-the possibility of pleasure, wealth, health, adventure. In
the end, these good things turn out to be precisely what you seem to offer
them. They will come to you as if on their own, unaware that you insinuated the
idea in their heads. In 1807, Napoleon Bonaparte decided it was critical for
him to win the Russian Czar Alexander I to his side. He wanted two things out
of the Master the Art of Insinuation • 217 czar: a peace treaty in which they
agreed to carve up Europe and the Middle East; and a marriage alliance, in
which he would divorce his wife Josephine and marry into the czar's family.
Instead of proposing these things directly, Napoleon decided to seduce the
czar. Using polite social encounters and friendly conversations as his
battlefields, he went to work. An apparent slip of the tongue revealed that
Josephine could not bear children; Napoleon quickly changed the subject. A
comment here and there seemed to suggest a linking of the destinies of France
and Russia.Just before they were to part one evening, he talked of his desire
for children, sighed sadly, then excused himself for bed, leaving the czar to
sleep on this. He escorted the czar to a play on the themes of glory, honor,
and empire; now, in later conversations, he could disguise his insinuations under
the cover of discussing the play. Within a few weeks, the czar was speaking to
his ministers of a marriage alliance and a treaty with France as if they were
his own ideas. Slips of the tongue, apparently inadvertent "sleep on
it" comments, alluring references, statements for which you quickly
apologize-all of these have immense insinuating power. They get under people's
skin like a poison, and take on a life of their own. The key to succeeding with
your insinuations is to make them when your targets are at their most relaxed
or distracted, so that they are not aware of what is happening. Polite banter
is often the perfect front for this; people are thinking about what they will
say next, or are absorbed in their own thoughts. Your insinuations will barely
register, which is how you want it. In one of his early campaigns, John F.
Kennedy addressed a group of veterans. Kennedy's brave exploits during World
War II-the PT-109 incident had made him a war hero-were known to all; but in
the speech, he talked of the other men on the boat, never mentioning himself.
He knew, however, that what he had done was on everyone's mind, because in fact
he had put it there. Not only did his silence on the subject make them think of
it on their own, it made Kennedy seem humble and modest, qualities that go well
with heroism. In seduction, as the French courtesan Ninon de 1'Enclos advised,
it is better not to talk about your love for a person. Let your target read it
in your manner. Your silence on the subject will have more insinuating power
than if you had addressed it directly. Not only words insinuate; pay attention
to gestures and looks. Madame Recamier's favorite technique was to keep her
words banal and the look in her eyes enticing. The flow of conversation would
keep men from thinking too deeply about these occasional looks, but they would
be haunted by them. Lord Byron had his famous "underlook": while
everyone was discussing some uninteresting subject, he would seem to hang his
head, but then a young woman (the target) would see him glancing upward at her,
his head still tilted. It was a look that seemed dangerous, challenging, but
also ambiguous; many women were hooked by it. The face speaks its own language.
We are used to trying to read people's faces, which are often better indicators
of their feelings than what they say, which is so easy to control. topics, the
friar drew him to one side and reproached him in a very kindly sort of way for
the amorous glances which, as the lady had given him to understand, he believed
him to be casting in her direction. • Not unnaturally, the gentleman was
amazed, for he had never so much as looked at the lady and it was very seldom
that he passed by her house. . . . • The gentleman, being rather more perceptive
than the reverendfriar, was not exactly slow to appreciate the lady's
cleverness, and putting on a somewhat sheepish expression, he promised not to
bother her any more. But after leaving the friar, he made his way toward the
house of the lady, who was keeping continuous vigil at a tiny little window so
that she would see him if he happened to pass by. .. . Andfrom that day
forward, proceeding with the maximum prudence and conveying the impression that
he was engaged in some other business entirely, he became a regular visitor to
the neighborhood. -GIOVANNI BOCCACCIO, THE DECAMERON. TRANSLATED BY
G.
H. MCWILLIAM Glances are the heavy artillery of the flirt: everything can be
conveyed in a look, yet that look can always be denied, for it cannot be quoted
word for word. -STENDHAL, QUOTED IN RICHARD DAVENPORT-HINES, ED., VICE: AN
ANTHOLOGY Since people are always reading your looks, use them to transmit the
insinuating signals you choose. Finally, the reason insinuation works so well
is not just that it bypasses people's natural resistance. It is also the
language of pleasure. There is too little mystery in the world; too many people
say exactly what they feel or want. We yearn for something enigmatic, for
something to feed our fantasies. Because of the lack of suggestion and
ambiguity in daily life, the person who uses them suddenly seems to have
something alluring and full of promise. It is a kind of titillating game-what
is this person up to? What does he or she mean? Hints, suggestions, and insinuations
create a seductive atmosphere, signaling that their victim is no longer
involved in the routines of daily life but has entered another realm. Symbol:
The Seed. The soil is carefully prepared. The seeds are planted months in
advance. Once they are in the ground, no one knows what hand threw them there.
They are part of the earth. Disguise your manipulations by planting seeds that
take root on their own. Reversal T he danger in insinuation is that when you
leave things ambiguous your target may misread them. There are moments,
particularly later on in a seduction, when it is best to communicate your idea
directly, particularly once you know the target will welcome it, Casanova often
played things that way. When he could sense that a woman desired him, and
needed little preparation, he would use a direct, sincere, gushing comment to
go straight to her head like a drug and make her fall under his spell. When the
rake and writer Gabriele D'Annunzio met a woman he desired, he rarely delayed.
Flattery flowed from his mouth and pen. He would charm with his
"sincerity" (sincerity can be feigned, and is just one stratagem
among others). This only works, however, when you sense that the target is
easily yours. If not, the defenses and suspicions you raise by direct attack
will make your seduction impossible. When in doubt, indirection is the better
route. 7. Enter Their Spirit. Most people are locked in their own worlds,
making them stubborn and hard to persuade. The way to lure them out of their
shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules,
enjoy what they enjoy, adapt yourself to their moods. In doing so you will
stroke their deep-rooted narcissism and lower their defenses. Hypnotized by the
mirror image you present, they will open up, becoming vulnerable to your subtle
influence. Soon you can shift the dynamic: once you have entered their spirit
you can make them enter yours, at a point when it is too late to turn back.
Indulge your targets' every mood and whim, giving them nothing to react against
or resist. The Indulgent Strategy I n October of 1961, the American journalist
Cindy Adams was granted an exclusive interview with President Sukarno of
Indonesia. It was a remarkable coup, for Adams was a little-known journalist at
the time, while Sukarno was a world figure in the midst of a crisis. A leader
of the fight for Indonesia's independence, he had been the country's president
since 1949, when the Dutch finally gave up the colony. By the early 1960s, his
daring foreign policy had made him hated in the United States, some calling him
the Hitler of Asia. Adams decided that in the interests of a lively interview,
she would not be cowed or overawed by Sukarno, and she began the conversation
by joking with him. To her pleasant surprise, her ice-breaking tactic seemed to
work: Sukarno warmed up to her. He let the interview run well over an hour, and
when it was over he loaded her with gifts. Her success was remarkable enough,
but even more so were the friendly letters she began to receive from Sukarno
after she and her husband had returned to New York. A few years later, he
proposed that she collaborate with him on his autobiography. Adams, who was
used to doing puff pieces on third-rate celebrities, was confused. She knew
Sukarno had a reputation as a devilish Don Juan -le grand seducteur, the French
called him. He had had four wives and hundreds of conquests. He was handsome,
and obviously he was attracted to her, but why choose her for this prestigious
task? Perhaps his libido was too power- fill for him to care about such things.
Nevertheless, it was an offer she could not refuse. In January of 1964, Adams
returned to Indonesia. Her strategy, she had decided, would stay the same: she
would be the brassy, straight-talking lady who had seemed to charm Sukarno
three years earlier. During her first interview with him for the book, she
complained in rather strong terms about the rooms she had been given as
lodgings. As if he were her secretary, she dictated a letter to him, which he
was to sign, detailing the special treatment she was to be given by one and
all. To her amazement, he dutifully copied out the letter, and signed it. Next
on Adams's schedule was a tour of Indonesia to interview people who had known
Sukarno in his youth. So she complained to him about the plane she had to fly
on, which she said was unsafe. "I tell you what, honey," she told
him, "I think you should give me my own plane." "Okay," he
an- You're anxious to keep your mistress? \ Convince her she's knocked you all
of a heap \ With her stunning looks. If it's purple she's wearing, praise
purple; \ When she's in a silk dress, say silk \ Suits her best of all. . .
Admire \ Her singing voice, her gestures as she dances, \ Cry
"Encore!" when she stops. You can even praise \ Her performance in
bed, her talentfor love-making - \ Spell out what turned you on. \ Though she
may show fiercer in action than any Medusa, \ Her lover will always describe
her as kind \ And gentle. But take care not to give yourself away while \
Making such tongue-in- cheek compliments, don't allow \ Your expression to ruin
the message. Art's most effective \ When concealed. Detection discredits you
for good. - OVID, THE ART OF LOVE. TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN The little boy (or
girl) seeks to fascinate his or her parents. In Oriental literature, imitation
is reckoned to be one of the ways of attracting. The Sanskrit texts, for
example, give an important part to the trick of the woman copying the dress,
expressions, and speech of her beloved. This kind of mimetic drama is urged on
the woman who, "being unable to unite with her beloved, imitates him to
distract his thoughts." • The child too, using the devices of imitating
attitudes, dress, and so on, seeks to fascinate, until a magical intention, the
father or mother and thus "distract its thoughts." Identification
means that one is abandoning and not abandoning amorous desires. It is a lure
which the child uses to capture his parents and which, it must be admitted,
they fall for. The same is true for the masses, who imitate their leader, bear
his name and repeat his gestures. They bow to him, but at the same time they
are unconsciously baiting a trap to hold him. Great ceremonies and
demonstrations are just as much occasions when the multitudes charm the swered,
apparently somewhat abashed. One, however, was not enough, she went on; she
required several planes, and a helicopter, and her own personal pilot, a good
one. He agreed to everything. The leader of Indonesia seemed to be not just
intimidated by Adams but totally under her spell. He praised her intelligence
and wit. At one point he confided, "Do you know why I'm doing this
biography? . . . Only because of you, that's why." He paid attention to
her clothes, complimenting her outfits, noticing any change in them. He was
more like a fawning suitor than the "Hitler of Asia." Inevitably, of
course, he made passes at her. She was an attractive woman. First there was the
hand on top of her hand, then a stolen kiss. She spurned him every time,making
it clear she was happily married, but she was worried; if all he had wanted was
an affair, the whole book deal could fall apart. Once again, though, her
straightforward strategy seemed the right one. Surprisingly, he backed down
without anger or resentment. He promised that his affection for her would
remain platonic. She had to admit that he was not at all what she had expected,
or what had been described to her. Perhaps he liked being dominated by a woman.
The interviews continued for several months, and she noticed slight changes in
him. She still addressed him familiarly, spicing the conversation with brazen
comments, but now he returned them, delighting in this kind of saucy banter. He
assumed the same lively mood that she strategically forced on herself. At first
he had dressed in military uniform, or in his Italian suits. Now he dressed
casually, even going barefoot, conforming to the casual style of their
relationship. One night he remarked that he liked the color of her hair. It was
Clairol, blue-black, she explained. He wanted to have the same color; she had
to bring him a bottle. She did as he asked, imagining he was joking, but a few
days later he requested her presence at the palace to dye his hair for him. She
did so, and now they had the exact same hair color. leader as vice versa. The
book, Sukarno: An Autobiography as Told to Cindy Adams, was pub- -SERGE
MOSCOVICI, THEAGE OF THE CROWD. TRANSLATED BY J. C.WHITEHOUSE My sixth brother,
he who had both his lips cut off, Prince of the Faithful, is called Shakashik.
• In his youth he was very poor. One day, as he was fished in 1965. To American
readers' surprise, Sukarno came across as remarkably charming and lovable,
which was indeed how Adams described him to one and all. If anyone argued, she
would say that they did not him the way she did. Sukarno was well pleased, and
had the book distributed far and wide. It helped gain sympathy for him in
Indonesia, where he was now being threatened with a military coup. And Sukarno
was not surprised-he had known all along that Adams would do a far better job
with his memoirs than any "serious" journalist. begging in the
streets of Baghdad, he passed by a splendid mansion, at the gates of which
stood an impressive array of attendants. Upon inquiry my brother was informed
Interpretation. Who was seducing whom? It was Sukarno who was doing the
seducing, and his seduction of Adams followed a classical sequence. First, he
chose the right victim. An experienced journalist would have resisted the lure
of a personal relationship with the subject, and a man would have been less
susceptible to his charm. And so he picked a woman, and Enter Their Spirit •
223 one whose journalistic experience lay elsewhere. At his first meeting with
Adams, he sent mixed signals: he was friendly to her, but hinted at another
kind of interest as well. Then, having insinuated a doubt in her mind (Perhaps
he just wants an affair?), he proceeded to mirror her. He indulged her every
mood, retreating every time she complained. Indulging a person is a form of
entering their spirit, letting them dominate for the time being. Perhaps
Sukarno's passes at Adams showed his uncontrollable libido at work, or perhaps
they were more cunning. He had a reputation as a Don Juan; failing to make a
pass at her would have hurt her feelings. (Women are often less offended at
being found attractive than one imagines, and Sukarno was clever enough to have
given each of his four wives the impression that she was his favorite.) The
pass out of the way, he moved further into her spirit, taking on her casual
air, even slightly feminizing himself by adopting her hair color. The result
was that she decided he was not what she had expected or feared him to be. He
was not in the least threatening, and after all, she was the one in control.
What Adams failed to realize was that once her defenses were lowered, she was
oblivious to how deeply he had engaged her emotions. She had not charmed him,
he had charmed her. What he wanted all along was what he got: a personal memoir
written by a sympathetic foreigner, who gave the world a rather engaging
portrait of a man of whom many were suspicious. Of all the seductive tactics,
entering someone's spirit is perhaps the most devilish of all. It gives your
victims the feeling that they are seducing you. The fact that you are indulging
them, imitating them, entering their spirit, suggests that you are under their
spell. You are not a dangerous seducer to be wary of, but someone compliant and
unthreatening. The attention you pay to them is intoxicating-since you are
mirroring them, everything they see and hear from you reflects their own ego
and tastes. What a boost to their vanity. All this sets up the seduction, the
series of maneuvers that will turn the dynamic around. Once their defenses are
down, they are open to your subtle influence. Soon you will begin to take over
the dance, and without even noticing the shift, they will find themselves
entering your spirit. This is the endgame. Women are not at their ease except
with those who take chances with them, and enter into their spirit. -NINON
DEL'ENCLOS Keys to Seduction O ne of the great sources of frustration in our
lives is other people's stubbornness. How hard it is to reach them, to make
them see things
our
way. We often have the impression that when they seem to be listening to us,
and apparently agreeing with us, it is all superficial-the moment we are gone,
they revert to their own ideas. We spend our lives butting up that the house
belonged to a member of the wealthy and powerful Barmecide family. Shakashik
approached the doorkeepers and solicited alms. "Go in," they said,
"and our master will give you all that you desire." • My brother
entered the lofty vestibule and proceeded to a spacious, marble-paved hall,
hung with tapestry and overlooking a beautiful garden. He stood bewilderedfor a
moment, not knowing where to turn his steps, and then advanced to the far end
of the hall. There, among the cushions, reclined a handsome old man with a long
beard, whom my brother recognized at once as the master of the house.
"What can I do for you, my friend?" asked the old man, as he rose to
welcome my brother. • When Shakashik replied that he was a hungry beggar, the
old man expressed the deepest compassion and rent his fine robes, crying:
"Is it possible that there should be a man as hungry as yourself in a city
where I am living? It is, indeed, a disgrace that I cannot endure!" Then
he comforted my brother, adding: "I insist that you stay with me and
partake of my dinner." • With this the master of the house clapped his
hands and called out to one of the slaves: "Bring in the basin and
ewer." Then he said to my brother: "Come forward, my friend, and wash
your hands." • Shakashik rose to do so, but saw neither ewer nor basin. He
was bewildered to see his host make gestures as though he were pouring water on
his hands from an invisible vessel and then drying them with an invisible
towel. When he finished, the host called out to his attendants: "Bring in
the table!" • Numerous servants hurried in and out of the hall, as though
they were preparingfor a meal. against people, as if they were stone walls. But
instead of complaining about how misunderstood or ignored you are, why not try
something different: instead of seeing other people as spiteful or indifferent,
instead of trying to figure out why they act the way they do, look at them
through the eyes of the seducer. The way to lure people out of their natural
intractability and self-obsession is to enter their spirit. All of us are
narcissists. When we were children our narcissism was My brother could still
see nothing. Yet his host invited him to sit at the imaginary table, saying,
"Honor me by eating of this meat." • The old man moved his hands
about as though he were touching invisible dishes, and also moved his jaws and
lips as though he were chewing. Then said he to Shakashik: "Eat your fill,
my friend, for you must be famished." • My brother began to move his jaws,
to chew and swallow, as though he were eating, while the old man still coaxed
him, saying: "Eat, my friend, and note the excellence of this bread and
its whiteness. " • "This man," thought Shakashik, "must be
fond of practical jokes. " So he said, "It is, sir, the whitest bread
I have ever seen, and I have never tasted the like in all my life. " •
"This bread," said the host, "was baked by a slave girl whom I
bought for five hundred dinars." Then he called out to one of his slaves:
"Bring in the meat pudding, and let there be plenty of fat in it!" •
... Thereupon the host moved his fingers as though to pick up a morselfrom an
imaginary dish, and popped the invisible delicacy into my brother's mouth. •
The old man continued to enlarge upon the excellences of the various dishes,
while my brother became so ravenously hungry that he would have willingly died
physical: we were interested in our own image, our own body, as if it were a
separate being. As we grow older, our narcissism grows more psychological: we
become absorbed in our own tastes, opinions, experiences. A hard shell forms
around us. Paradoxically, the way to entice people out of this shell is to
become more like them, in fact a kind of mirror image of them. You do not have
to spend days studying their minds; simply conform to their moods, adapt to
their tastes, play along with whatever they send your way. In doing so you will
lower their natural defensiveness. Their sense of self-esteem does not feel
threatened by your strangeness or different habits. People truly love
themselves, but what they love most of all is to see their ideas and tastes
reflected in another person. This validates them. Their habitual insecurity
vanishes. Hypnotized by their mirror image, they relax. Now that their inner
wall has crumbled, you can slowly draw them out, and eventually turn the
dynamic around. Once they are open to you, it becomes easy to infect them with
your own moods and heat. Entering the other person's spirit is a kind of
hypnosis; it is the most insidious and effective form of persuasion known to
man. In the eighteenth-century Chinese novel The Dream of the Red Chamber, all
the young girls in the prosperous house of Chia are in love with the rakish Pao
Yu. He is certainly handsome, but what makes him irresistible is his uncanny
ability to enter a young girl's spirit. Pao Yu has spent his youth around
girls, whose company he has always preferred. As a result, he never comes over
as threatening and aggressive. He is granted entry to girls' rooms, they see
him everywhere, and the more they see him the more they fall under his spell.
It is not that Pao Yu is feminine; he remains a man, but one who can be more or
less masculine as the situation requires. His familiarity with young girls
allows him the flexibility to enter their spirit. This is a great advantage.
The difference between the sexes is what makes love and seduction possible, but
it also involves an element of fear and distrust. A woman may fear male
aggression and violence; a man is often unable to enter a woman's spirit, and
so he remains strange and threatening. The greatest seducers in history, from
Casanova to John F. Kennedy, grew up surrounded by women and had a touch of
femininity themselves. The philosopher Spren Kierkegaard, in his novel The
Seducer's Diary, recommends spending more time with the opposite sex, getting
to know the "enemy" and its weaknesses, so that you can turn this
knowledge to your advantage. Ninon de l'Enclos, one of the greatest
seductresses who ever lived, had definite masculine qualities. She could
impress a man with her intense philosophical keenness, and charm him by seeming
to share his interest in politics and warfare. Many men first formed deep
friendships with her, only to later fall madly in love. The masculine in a
woman is as soothing to men as the feminine in a man is to women. To a man, a
woman's strangeness can create frustration and even hostility. He may be lured
into a sexual encounter, but a longer-lasting spell cannot be created without
an accompanying mental seduction. The key is to enter his spirit. Men are often
seduced by the masculine element in a woman's behavior or character. In the
novel Clarissa (1748) by Samuel Richardson, the young and devout Clarissa
Harlowe is being courted by the notorious rake Lovelace. Clarissa knows
Lovelace's reputation, but for the most part he has not acted as she would
expect: he is polite, seems a little sad and confused. At one point she finds
out that he has done a most noble and charitable deed to a family in distress,
giving the father money, helping the man's daughter get married, giving them
wholesome advice. At last Lovelace confesses to Clarissa what she has
suspected: he wants to repent, to change his ways. His letters to her are
emotional, almost religious in their passion. Perhaps she will be the one to
lead him to righteousness? But of course Lovelace has trapped her: he is using
the seducer's tactic of mirroring her tastes, in this case her spirituality.
Once she lets her guard down, once she believes she can reform him, she is
doomed: now he can slowly insinuate his own spirit into his letters and
encounters with her. Remember: the operative word is "spirit," and
that is often exactly where to take aim. By seeming to mirror someone's
spiritual values you can seem to establish a deep-rooted harmony between the
two of you, which can then be transferred to the physical plane. When Josephine
Baker moved to Paris, in 1925, as part of an all-black revue, her exoticism
made her an overnight sensation. But the French are notoriously fickle, and
Baker sensed that their interest in her would quickly pass to someone else. To
seduce them for good, she entered their spirit. She learned French and began to
sing in it. She started dressing and acting as a stylish French lady, as if to
say that she preferred the French way of life to the American. Countries are
like people: they have vast insecurities, and they feel threatened by other
customs. It is often quite seductive to a people to see an outsider adopting
their ways. Benjamin Disraeli was born and lived all his life in England, but
he was Jewish by birth, and had exotic features; the provincial English
considered him an outsider. Yet he was more English in his manners and tastes
than many an Englishman, and this was part of his charm, which he proved by
becoming the leader of the Conservative Party. Should you be an outsider (as most
of us ultimately are), turn it to advantage: play on your alien nature in such
a way as to show the group how deeply you prefer their tastes and customs to
your own. In 1752, the notorious rake Saltykov determined to be the first man
in the Russian court to seduce the twenty-three-year-old grand duchess, the
future Empress Catherine the Great. He knew that she was lonely; her husband
Peter ignored her, as did many of the other courtiers. And yet the ob- Enter
Their Spirit • 225 for a crust of barley bread. • "Have you ever tasted
anything more delicious," went on the old man, "than the spices in
these dishes?" • "Never, indeed," replied Shakashik. • "Eat
heartily, then," said his host, "and do not be ashamed!" •
"I thank you, sir," answered Shakashik, "but I have already
eaten my fill. " • Presently, however, the old man clapped his hands again
and cried: "Bring in the wine!" "... "Sir," said
Shakashik, "your generosity overwhelms me!" He lifted the invisible
cup to his lips, and made as if to drain it at one gulp. • "Health and joy
to you!" exclaimed the old man, as he pretended to pour himself some wine
and drink it off. He handed another cup to his guest, and they both continued
to act in this fashion until Shakashik, feigning himself drunk, began to roll
his headfrom side to side. Then, taking his bounteous host unawares, he
suddenly raised his arm so high that the white of his armpit could be seen, and
dealt him a blow on the neck which made the hall echo with the sound. And this
he followed by a second blow. • The old man rose in anger and cried: "What
are you doing, vile creature?" • "Sir" replied my brother,
"you have received your humble slave into your house and loaded him with
your generosity; you havefed him with the choicestfood and quenched his thirst
with the most potent wines. Alas, he became drunk, and forgot his manners! But
you are so noble, sir, that you will 226 surely pardon his offence. " •
When he heard these words, the old man burst out laughing and said: "For a
long time I have jested with all types of men, but no one has ever had the
patience or the wit to enter into my humors as you have done. Now, therefore, I
pardon you, and ask you in truth to cat and drink with me, and to he my
companion as long as I live. " • Then the old man ordered his attendants
to serve all the dishes which they had consumed in fancy, and when he and my
brother had eaten their fill they repaired to the drinking chamber, where
beautiful young women sang and made music. The old Barmecide gave Shakashik a
robe of honor and made him his constant companion. - "THE TALE OF
SHAKASHIK, THE BARBER'S SIXTH BROTHER," TALES FROM THE THOUSAND AND ONE
NIGHTS. TRANSLATED BY N.J. DAWOOD stacks were immense: she was spied on day and
night. Still, Saltykov managed to befriend the young woman, and to enter
herall-too-small circle. He finally got her alone, and made it clear to her how
well he understood her loneliness, how deeply he disliked her husband, and how
much he shared her interest in the new ideas that were sweeping Europe. Soon he
found himself able to arrange further meetings, where he gave her the
impression that when he was with her, nothing else in the world mattered.
Catherine fell deeply in love with him, and he did in fact become her first
lover. Saltykov had entered her spirit. When you mirror people, you focus
intense attention on them. They will sense the effort you are making, and will
find it flattering. Obviously you have chosen them, separating them out from
the rest. There seems to be nothing else in your life but them-their moods,
their tastes, their spirit. The more you focus on them, the deeper the spell
you produce, and the intoxicating effect you have on their vanity. Many of us
have difficulty reconciling the person we are right now with the person we want
to be. We are disappointed that we have compromised our youthful ideals, and we
still imagine ourselves as that person who had so much promise, but whom
circumstances prevented from realizing it. When you are mirroring someone, do
not stop at the person they have become; enter the spirit of that ideal person
they wanted to be. This is how the French writer Chateaubriand managed to
become a great seducer, despite his physical ugliness. When he was growing up,
in the latter eighteenth century, romanticism was coming into fashion, and many
young women felt deeply oppressed by the lack of romance in their lives.
Chateaubriand would reawaken the fantasy they had had as young girls of being
swept off their feet, of fulfilling romantic ideals. This form of entering
another's spirit is perhaps the most effective kind, because it makes people
feel better about themselves. In your presence, they live the life of the
person they had wanted to be-a great lover, a romantic hero, whatever it is.
Discover those crushed ideals and mirror them, bringing them back to life by
reflecting them back to your target. Few can resist such a lure. Symbol: The
Hunter's Mirror. The lark is a savory bird, but difficult to catch. In the
field, the hunter places a mirror on a stand. The lark lands in front of the
glass, steps back and forth, entranced by its own moving image and by the
imitative mating dance it sees performed before its eyes. Hypnotized, the bird
loses all sense of its surroundings, until the hunter's net traps it against
the mirror. Enter Their Spirit • 227 Reversal I n 1897 in Berlin, the poet
Rainer Maria Rilke, whose reputation would later circle the world, met Lou
Andreas-Salome, the Russianborn writer and beauty who was notorious for having
broken Nietzsche's heart. She was the darling of Berlin intellectuals, and
although Rilke was twenty-two and she was thirty-six, he fell head over heels
in love with her. He flooded her with love letters, which showed that he had
read all her books and knew her tastes intimately. The two became friends. Soon
she was editing his poetry, and he hung on her every word. Salome was flattered
by Rilke's mirroring of her spirit, enchanted by the intense attention he paid
her and the spiritual communion they began to develop. She became his lover.
But she was worried about his future; it was difficult to make a living as a
poet, and she encouraged him to learn her native language, Russian, and become
a translator. He followed her advice so avidly that within months he could
speak Russian. They visited Russia together, and Rilke was overwhelmed by what
he saw-the peasants, the folk customs, the art, the architecture. Back in
Berlin, he turned his rooms into a kind of shrine to Russia, and started
wearing Russian peasant blouses and peppering his conversation with Russian
phrases. Now the charm of his mirroring soon wore off. At first Salome had been
flattered that he shared her interests so intensely, but now she saw this as
something else: he seemed to have no real identity. He had become dependent on
her for his own self-esteem. It was all so slavish. In 1899, much to his
horror, she broke off the relationship. The lesson is simple: your entry into a
person's spirit must be a tactic, a way to bring him or her under your spell.
You cannot be simply a sponge, soaking up the other person's moods. Mirror them
for too long and they will see through you and be repelled by you. Beneath the
similarity to them that you make them see, you must have a strong underlying
sense of your own identity. When the time comes, you will want to lead them
into your spirit; you cannot live on their turf. Never take mirroring too far,
then. It is only useful in the first phase of a seduction; at some point the
dynamic must be reversed. This desire for a double of the other sex that
resembles us absolutely while still being other, for a magical creature who is
ourself while possessing the advantage, over all our imaginings, of an
autonomous existence. . . . We find traces of it in even the most banal
circumstances of love: in the attraction linked to any change, any disguise, as
in the importance of unison and the repetition of self in the other. . . . The
great, the implacable amorous passions are all linked to thefact that a being
imagines he sees his most secret self spying upon him behind the curtain of
another's eyes. -ROBERT MUSIL, QUOTED IN DENIS DE ROUGEMONT, LOVE DECLARED,
TRANSLATED BY RICHARD HOWARD 8Create Temptation Lure the target deep into your
seduction by creating the proper temptation: a glimpse of the pleasures to
come. As the serpent tempted Eve with the promise offorbidden knowledge, you
must awaken a desire in your targets that they cannot control. Find that
weakness of theirs, that fantasy that has yet to be realized, and hint that you
can lead them toward it. It could be wealth, it could be adventure, it could be
forbidden and guilty pleasures; the key is to keep it vague. Dangle the prize
before their eyes, postponing satisfaction, and let their minds do the rest.
The future seems ripe with possibility. Stimulate a curiosity stronger than the
doubts and anxieties that go with it, and they will follow you. The Tantalizing
Object S ome time in the 1880s, a gentleman named Don Juan de Todellas was
wandering through a park in Madrid when he saw a woman in her early twenties
getting out of a coach, followed by a two-year-old child and a nursemaid. The
young woman was elegantly dressed, but what took Don Juan's breath away was her
resemblance to a woman he had known nearly three years before. Surely she could
not be the same person. The woman he had known, Cristeta Moreruela, was a
showgirl in a second-rate theater. She had been an orphan and was quite
poor-her circumstances could not have changed that much. He moved closer: the
same beautiful face. And For these two crimes Tantalus was punished with the
ruin of his kingdom and, after his then he heard her voice. He was so shocked
that he had to sit down: it was dea,h Zeus ' s own hand indeed the same woman.
Don Juan was an incorrigible seducer, whose conquests were innumerable and of
every variety. But he remembered his affair with Cristeta quite clearly,
because she had been so young-the most charming girl he had ever met. He had
seen her in the theater, had courted her assiduously, and had managed to persuade
her to take a trip with him to a seaside town. Although they had separate
rooms, nothing could stop Don Juan: he made up a story about business troubles,
gained her sympathy, and in a tender moment took advantage of her weakness. A
few days later he left her, on the pretext that he had to attend to business.
He believed he would never see her again. Feeling a little guilty-a rare
occurrence with him-he sent her 5,000 pesetas, pretending he would eventually
rejoin her. Instead he went to Paris. He had only recently returned to Madrid.
As he sat and remembered all this, an idea troubled him: the child. with
eternal torment in the company of Ixion,
Sisyphus,
Tityus, the Danaids, and others. Now he hangs, perennially consumed by thirst
and hunger, from the bough of afruit tree which leans over a marshy lake. Its
waves lap against his waist, and sometimes reach his chin, yet whenever he
bends down to drink, they slip away, and nothing remains but the black mud at
his feet; or, if he ever succeeds in scooping up a handful of water, it slips
through his fingers before he can do Could the boy possibly be his? If not, she
must have married almost immediately after their affair. How could she do such
a thing? She was obviously wealthy now. Who could her husband be? Did he know
her past? Mixed with his confusion was intense desire. She was so young and
beautiful. Why had he given her up so easily? Somehow, even if she was married,
he had to more than wet his cracked lips, leaving him thirstier than ever. The
tree is laden with pears, shining apples, sweet figs, ripe olives and
pomegranates, which get her back. dangle against his shoulders; but whenever he
Don Juan began to frequent the park every day. He saw her a few more reac
hesfor the luscious times; their eyes met, but she pretended not to notice him.
Tracing the fruit, a gust of wind whirls nursemaid during one of her errands,
he struck up a conversation with her, ,hem ol " °f ,us reack and asked her
about her mistress's husband. She told him the man's name -robert graves, the
oreek was Senor Martinez, and that he was away on an extended business trip;
she also told him where Cristeta now lived. Don Juan gave her a note to give to
231 232 Don Juan: Arminta, listen to the truth--for are not women friends of
truth? I am a nobleman, heir to the ancient family of the Tenorios, the
conquerors of Seville. After the king, my father is the most powerful and
considered man at court. ... By chance I happened on this road and saw you.
Love sometimes behaves in a manner that surprises even himself. . . . •
Arminta: I don't know if what you're saying is truth or lying rhetoric. I am
married to Batricio, everybody knows it. How can the marriage be annulled, even
if he abandons me? • Don Juan: When the marriage is not consummated, whether by
malice or deceit, it can be annulled. . . . • Arminta: You are right. But, God
help me, won't you desert me the moment you have separated me from my husband?
..." Don Juan: Arminta, light of my eyes, tomorrow your beautifulfeet will
slip into her mistress. Then he strolled by Cristeta's house-a beautiful
palace. His worst suspicions were confirmed: she had married for money.
Cristeta refused to see him. He persisted, sending more notes. Finally, to
avoid a scene, she agreed to meet him, just once, in the park. Heprepared for
the meeting carefully: seducing her again would be a delicate operation. But
when he saw her coming toward him, in her beautiful clothes, his emotions, and
his lust, got the better of him. She could only belong to him, never to another
man, he told her. Cristeta took offense at this; obviously her present
circumstances prevented even one more meeting. Still, beneath her coolness he
could sense strong emotions. He begged to see her again, but she left without
promising anything. He sent her more letters, meanwhile wracking his brains
trying to piece it all together: Who was this Senor Martinez? Why would he
marry a showgirl? How could Cristeta be wrested away from him? Finally Cristeta
agreed to meet Don Juan one more time, in the theater, where he dared not risk
a scandal. They took a box, where they could talk. She reassured him the child
was not his. She said he only wanted her now because she belonged to another,
because he could not have her. No, he said, he had changed; he would do
anything to get her back. Disconcertingly, at moments her eyes seemed to be
flirting with him. But then she seemed to be about to cry, and rested her head
on his shoulder-only to get up immediately, as if realizing this was a mistake.
This was their last meeting, she said, and quickly fled. Don Juan was beside
himself. She was
playing
with him; she was a coquette. He had only been claiming to have changed, but
perhaps it was true: no woman had ever treated him this way before. He would
never have allowed it. polished silver slippers with buttons of the purest
gold. And your alabaster throat will be imprisoned in beautiful necklaces; on
your fingers, rings set with amethysts will shine like stars, andfrom your ears
will da ngle orien tal pearls. • Arminta: I am yours. -TIRSO DE MOLINA, THE
PLAYBOY OF SEVILLE. TRANSLATED BY ADRIENNE M. SCHIZZANO AND OSCAR MANDLL, IN
MANDEL, ED., THE THEATRE OF DON JUAN For the next few nights Don Juan slept
poorly. All he could think about was Cristeta. He had nightmares about killing
her husband, about growing old and being alone. It was all too much. He had to
leave town. He sent her a goodbye note, and to his amazement, she replied: she
wanted to see him, she had something to tell him. By now he was too weak to
resist. As she had requested, he met her on a bridge, at night. This time she
made no effort to control herself: yes, she still loved Don Juan, and was ready
to run away with him. But he should come to her house tomorrow, in broad
daylight, and take her away. There could be no secrecy. Beside himself with
joy, Don Juan agreed to her demands. The next day he showed up at her palace at
the appointed hour, and asked for Senora Martinez. There was no one there by
that name, said the woman at the door. Don Juan insisted: her name is Cristeta.
Ah, Cristeta, the woman said: she lives in the back, with the other tenants.
Confused, Don Juan went to Now the serpent was moresubtle than any other wild
creature that the LORD GOD had made. He said to the woman, "Did God say,
'You shall not cat of the back of the palace. There he thought he saw her son,
playing in the street in dirty clothes. But no, he said to himself, it must be
some other child. He came to Cristeta's door, and instead of her servant,
Cristeta herself opened it. He entered. It was the room of a poor person.
Hanging on improvised racks, however, were Cristeta's elegant clothes. As if in
a dream, he sat down, dumbfounded, and listened as Cristeta revealed the truth.
Create Temptation • 233 She was not married, she had no child. Months after he
had left her, she had realized that she had been the victim of a consummate
seducer. She still loved Don Juan, but she was determined to turn the tables.
Finding out through a mutual friend that he had returned to Madrid, she took
the five thousand pesetas he had sent her and bought expensive clothes. She
borrowed a neighbor's child, asked the neighbor's cousin to play the child's
nursemaid,
and rented a coach-all to create an elaborate fantasy that existed only in his
mind. Cristeta did not even have to lie: she never actually said she was
married or had a child. She knew that being unable to have her would make him
want her more than ever. It was the only way to seduce a man like him.
Overwhelmed by the lengths she had gone to, and by the emotions she had so
skillfully stirred in him, Don Juan forgave Cristeta and offered to marry her.
To his surprise, and perhaps to his relief, she politely declined. The moment
they married, she said, his eyes would wander elsewhere. Only if they stayed as
they were could she maintain the upper hand. Don Juan had no choice but to
agree. Interpretation. Cristeta and Don Juan are characters in the novel Dulce
y Sabrosa (Sweet and Savory, 1891), by the Spanish writer Jacinto Octavio
Picon. Most of Picon's work deals with male seducers and their feminine
victims, a subject he studied and knew much about. Abandoned by Don Juan, and
reflecting on his nature, Cristeta decided to kill two birds with one stone:
she would get revenge and get him back. But how could she lure such a man? The
fruit once tasted, he no longer wanted it. What came easily to him, or fell
into his arms, held no allure for him. What would tempt Don Juan into desiring
Cristeta again, into pursuing her, was the sense that she was already taken,
that she was forbidden fruit. That was his weakness-that was why he pursued
virgins and married women, women he was not supposed to have. To a man, she
reasoned, the grass always seems greener somewhere else. She would make herself
that distant, alluring object, just out of reach, tantalizing him, stirring up
emotions he could not control. He knew how charming and desirable she had once
been to him. The idea of possessing her again, and the pleasure he imagined it
would bring, were too much for him: he swallowed the bait. Temptation is a
twofold process. First you are coquettish, flirtatious; you stimulate a desire
by promising pleasure and distraction from daily life. At the same time, you
make it clear to your targets that they cannot have you, at least not right
away. You are establishing a barrier, some kind of tension. In days gone by
such barriers were easy to create, by taking advantage of preexisting social
obstacles-of class, race, marriage, religion. Today the barriers have to be
more psychological: your heart is taken by someone else; you are really not
interested in the target; some secret holds you back; the timing is bad; you
are not good enough for the other person; the other any tree of the
garden'?" And the woman said to the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit
of the trees of the garden; but God said, 'You shall not eat of the fruit of
the tree which is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest
you die.' " But the serpent said to the woman, "You will not die. For
God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be
like God, knowing good and evil. " So when the woman saw that the tree was
good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to
be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave
some to her husband, and he ate. -GENESIS 3:1 , OLD TESTAMENT Thou strong
seducer, Opportunity. -JOHN DRYDEN As he listened, Masetto experienced such a
longing to go and stay with these nuns that his whole body tingled with
excitement, for it was clear from what he had heard that he should be able to
achieve what he had in mind. Realizing, however, that he would get nowhere by
revealing his intentions to Nuto, he replied: • "How right you were to come
away from the [nunnery]! What sort of a life can any man lead when he's
surrounded by a lot of women? He might as well be living with a pack of devils.
Why, six times out oj seven they don't even know their own minds." • But
when they 234 had finished talking, Masetto began to consider what steps he
ought to take so that he could go and stay with them. Knowing
himself
to be perfectly capable of carrying out the duties mentioned by Nuto, he had no
worries about losing the job on that particular score, but he was afraid lest
he should be turned down because of his youth and his unusually attractive
appearance. And so, having rejected a number of other possible expedients, he
eventually thought to himself: "The convent is a long way off, and there's
nobody there who knows me. If I can pretend to be dumb, they'll take me on for
sure." Clinging firmly to this conjecture, he therefore dressed himself in
pauper's rags and slung an ax over his shoulder, and without telling anyone
where he was going, he set outfor the convent. On his arrival, he wandered into
the courtyard, where as luck would have it he came across the steward, and with
the aid ofgestures such as dumb people use, he conveyed the impression that he
was beggingfor something to eat, in return for which he would attend to any
wood-chopping that needed to be done. • The steward gladly provided him with
something to eat, after which he presented him with a pile of logs that Nuto
had been unable to chop. . . . Mow, when the steward had discovered what an
excellent gardener he was, he gestured to Masetto, asking him whether he would
like to stay there, and the latter made signs to indicate that he was willing
to do whatever the steward person is not good enough for you; and so on.
Conversely, you can choose someone who has a built-in barrier: they are taken,
they are not meant to want you. These barriers are more subtle than the social
or religious variety, but they are barriers nevertheless, and the psychology
remains the same. are perversely excited by what they cannot or should not
have. Create this inner conflict-there is excitement and interest, but you are
unavailable-and you will have them grasping like Tantalus for water. And with
Don Juan and Cristeta, the more you make your targets pursue you, the more they
imagine that it is they who are the aggressors. Your seduction is perfectly
disguised. The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. -OSCAR
WILDE. Keys to Seduction M ost of the time, people struggle to maintain
security and a sense of balance in their lives. If they were always uprooting
themselves in pursuit of every new person or fantasy that passed them by, they
could not survive the daily grind. They usually win the struggle, but it does
not come easy. The world is full of temptation. They read about people who have
more than they do, about adventures others are having, about people who have
found wealth and happiness. The security that they strive for, and that they
seem to have in their lives, is actually an illusion. It covers up a constant
tension. As a seducer, you can never mistake people's appearance for reality.
You know that their fight to keep order in their lives is exhausting, and that
they are gnawed by doubts and regrets. It is hard to be good and virtuous,
always having to repress the strongest desires. With that knowledge in mind,
seduction is easier. What people want is not temptation; temptation happens
every day. What people want is to give into temptation, to yield. That is the
only way to get rid of the tension in their lives. It costs much more to resist
temptation than to surrender. Your task, then, is to create a temptation that
is stronger than the daily variety. It has to be focused on them, aimed at them
as individuals-at their weakness. Understand: everyone has a principal
weakness, from which others stem. Find that childhood insecurity, that lack in
their life, and you hold the key to tempting them. Their weakness may be greed,
vanity, boredom, some deeply repressed desire, a hunger for forbidden fruit.
They signal it in little details that elude their conscious control: their
style of clothing, an offhand comment. Their past, and particularly their past
romances, will be littered with clues. Give them a potent temptation, tailored
to their weakness, and you can make the hope of pleasure that you stir in them
figure more prominently than the doubts and anxieties that accompany it. In
1621, King Philip III of Spain desperately wanted to forge an al- Create
Temptation • 235 liance with England by marrying his daughter to the son of the
English king, James I. James seemed open to the idea, but he stalled for time.
Spain's ambassador to the English court, a man called Gondomar, was given the
task of advancing Philip's plan. He set his sights on the king's favorite, the
Duke (former Earl) of Buckingham. Gondomar knew the duke's main weakness:
vanity. Buckingham hungered for the glory and adventure that would add to his
fame; he was bored with his limited tasks, and he pouted and whined about this.
The ambassador first flattered him profusely-the duke was the ablest man in the
country and it was a shame he was given so little to do. Then, he began to
whisper to him of a great adventure. The duke, as Gondomar knew, was in favor
of the match with the Spanish princess, but these damned marriage negotiations
with King James were taking so long, and getting nowhere. What if the duke were
to accompany the king's son, his good friend Prince Charles, to Spain? Of
course, this would have to be done in secret, without guards or escorts, for
the English government and its ministers would never sanction such a trip. But
that would make it all the more dangerous and romantic. Once in Madrid, the
prince could throw himself at Princess Maria's feet, declare his undying love,
and carry her back to England in triumph. What a chivalrous deed it would be
and all for love. The duke would get all the credit and it would make his name
famous for centuries. The duke fell for the idea, and convinced Charles to go
along; after much arguing, they also convinced a reluctant King James. The trip
was a near disaster (Charles would have had to convert to Catholicism to win
Maria), and the marriage never happened, but Gondomar had done his job. He did
not bribe the duke with offers of money or power-he aimed at the childlike part
of him that never grew up. A child has little power to resist. It wants
everything, now, and rarely thinks of the consequences. A child lies lurking in
everyone-a pleasure that was denied them, a desire that was repressed. Hit at
that point, tempt them with the proper toy (adventure, money, fun), and they
will slough off their normal adult reasonableness. Recognize their weakness by
whatever childlike behavior they reveal in daily life-it is the tip of the
iceberg. Napoleon Bonaparte was appointed the supreme general of the French
army in 1796. His commission was to defeat the Austrian forces that had taken
over northern Italy. The obstacles were immense: Napoleon was only twenty-six
at the time; the generals below him were envious of his position and doubtful
of his abilities. His soldiers were tired, underfed, underpaid, and grumpy. How
could he motivate this group to fight the highly experienced Austrian army? As
he prepared to cross the Alps into Italy, Napoleon gave a speech to his troops
that may have been the turning point in his career, and in his life:
"Soldiers, you are half starved and half naked. The government owes you
much, but can do nothing for you. Your patience, your courage, do you honor,
but give you no glory. ... I will lead you into the most fertile plains of the
world. There you will find flourishing cities, teeming provinces. There you
will reap honor, glory, and wealth." The wanted. . . . • Now, one day,
when Masetto happened to he taking a rest after a spell of strenuous work, he
was approached by two very young nuns who were out walking in the garden. Since
he gave them the impression that he was asleep, they began to stare at him, and
the bolder of the two said to her companion: • "If I could be sure that
you would keep it a secret, I would tell you about an idea that has often
crossed my mind, and one that might well work out to our mutual benefit."
• "Do tell me," replied the other. "You can be quite certain
that I shan't talk about it to anyone. " • The bold one began to speak
more plainly. • "I wonder," she said, "whether you have ever
considered what a strict life we have to lead, and how the only men who ever
dare setfoot in this place are the steward, who is elderly, and this dumb
gardener of ours. Yet I have often heard it said, by of the ladies who have
come to visit us, that all other pleasures in the are mere trifles by
comparison with the one by a woman when she goes with a man. have thus been
thinking, since I have nobody else to hand, that I would like to discover with
the aid of this dumb fellow whether they are telling the truth. As it happens,
there couldn't be a better man for the , because even if he wanted to let the
cat out of the bag, he wouldn't be to. He wouldn't even know how to explain,
for you can see for yourself what a mentally retarded, dim-witted hulk of a
youth 236 the fellow is. I would be glad to know what you think of the
idea." • "Dear me!" said the other. "Don't you realize that
we have promised God to preserve our virginity?" • "Pah!" she
said. "We are constantly making Him promises that we never keep! What does
it matter if we fail to keep this one? He can always find other girls to
preserve their virginity for Him. " • . . . Before the time came for them
to leave, they had each made repeated trials of dumb fellow's riding ability,
and later on, when they were busily swapping tales about it all, they agreed
that it was every bit as pleasant an experience as they had been led to
believe, indeed more so. Andfrom then on, whenever the opportunity arose, they
whiled away many a pleasant hour in the dumb fellow's arms. • One day, however,
a companion of theirs happened to look out from the window of her cell, saw the
goings-on, and drew the attention of two others what was afoot. Having talked
the matter over between themselves, they at first decided to report the pair to
the abbess. But then they changed their minds, and by common agreement with the
other two, they took up shares in Masetto's holding. And because of various
indiscretions, these five were subsequently joined by the remaining three, one
after the other. • Finally, the abbess, who was still unaware of all this, was
taking a stroll one very hot day in the garden, all by herself when she came
across Masetto stretched out fast asleep in the shade of an almond speech had a
powerful effect. Days later these same soldiers, after a rough climb over the
mountains, gazed down on the Piedmont valley. Napoleon s words echoed in their
ears, and a ragged, grumbling gang became an inspired army that would sweep
across northern Italy in pursuit of the Austrians. Napoleon's use of temptation
had two elements: behind you is a grim past; ahead of you is a future of
wealthand glory, (/you follow me. Integral to the temptation strategy is a
clear demonstration that the target has nothing to lose and everything to gain.
The present offers little hope, the future can be full of pleasure and
excitement. Remember to keep the future gains vague, though, and somewhat out
of reach. Be too specific and you will disappoint; make the promise too close
at hand, and you will not be able to postpone satisfaction long enough to get
what you want. The barriers and tensions in temptation are there to stop people
from giving in too easily and too superficially. You want them to struggle, to
resist, to be anxious. Queen Victoria surely fell in love with her prime
minister, Benjamin Disraeli, but there were barriers of religion (he was a
dark-skinned Jew), class (she, of course, was a queen), social taste (she was a
paragon of virtue, he a notorious dandy). The relationship was never
consummated, but what deliciousness those barriers gave to their daily
encounters, which were full of constant flirtation. Many such social barriers
are gone today, so they have to be manufactured-it is the only way to put spice
into seduction. Taboos of any kind are a source of tension, and they are
psychological now, not religious. You are looking for some repression, some
secret desire that will make your victim squirm uncomfortably if you hit upon
it, but will tempt them all the more. Search in their past; whatever they seem
to fear or flee from might hold the key. It could be a yearning for a mother or
father figure, or a latent homosexual desire. Perhaps you can satisfy that
desire by presenting yourself as a masculine woman or a feminine man. For
others you play the Lolita, or the daddd-someone they are not supposed to have,
the dark side of their personality. Keep the connection vague-you want them to
reach for something elusive, something that comes out of their own mind. In
London in 1769, Casanova met a young woman named Charpillon. She was much
younger than he, as beautiful a woman as he had ever known, and with a
reputation for destroying men. In one of their first encounters she told him
straight out that he would fall for her and she would ruin him. To everyone's
disbelief, Casanova pursued her. In each encounter she hinted she might give
in-perhaps the next time, if he was nice to her. She inflamed his
curiosity-what pleasure she would yield; he would be the first, he would tame
her. "The venom of desire penetrated my whole being so completely,"
he later wrote, "that had she so wished it, she could have despoiled me of
everything I possessed. I would have beggared myself for one little kiss."
This "affair" indeed proved his ruin; she humiliated him. Charpillon
had rightly gauged that Casanova's primary weakness was his Create Temptation •
237 need for conquest, to overcome challenge, to taste what no other man had tasted.
Beneath this was a kind of masochism, a pleasure in the pain a woman could give
him. Playing the impossible woman, enticing and then frustrating him, she
offered the ultimate temptation. What will often do the trick is to give the
target the sense that you are a challenge, a prize to be won. In possessing you
they will get what no other has had. They may even get pain; but pain is close
to pleasure, and offers its own temptations. In the Old Testament we read that
"David arose from his couch and was walking upon the roof of the king's
house . . . [and] he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very
beautiful." The woman was Bathsheba. David summoned her, seduced her
(supposedly), then proceeded to get rid of her husband, Uriah, in battle. In
fact, however, it was Bathsheba who had seduced David. She bathed on her roof
at an hour when she knew he would be standing on his balcony. After tempting a
man she knew had a weakness for women, she played the coquette, forcing him to
come after her. This is the opportunity strategy: give someone weak the chance
to have what they lust after by merely placing yourself within their reach, as
if byaccident. Temptation is often a matter of timing, of crossing the path of
the weak at the right moment, giving them the opportunity to surrender.
Bathsheba used her entire body as a lure, but it is often more effective to use
only a part of the body, creating a fetishlike effect. Madame Re- camier would
let you glimpse her body beneath the sheer dresses she wore, but only briefly,
when she took off her overgarment to dance. Men would leave that evening
dreaming of what little they had seen. Empress Josephine made a point of baring
her beautiful arms in public. Give the target only a part of you to fantasize
about, thereby creating a constant temptation in their mind. Symbol: The Apple
in the Garden of Eden. The fruit looks deeply inviting, and you are not
supposed to eat of it; it is forbidden. But that is precisely why you think of
it day and night. You see it but cannot have it. And the only way to get rid of
this temptatree. Too much riding by night had left him with very little
strengthfor the day's labors, and so there he lay, with his clothes ruffled up
in front by the wind, leaving him all exposed. Finding herself alone, the lady
stood with her eyes riveted to this spectacle, and she was seized by the same
craving to which her young charges had already succumbed. So, having roused
Masetto, she led him away to her room, where she kept him for several days,
thus provoking bitter complaints from the nuns over the fact that the handyman
had suspended work in the garden. Before sending him back to his own quarters,
she repeatedly savored the one pleasure for which she had always reserved her
most fierce disapproval, and from then on she demanded regular supplementary
allocations, amounting to considerably more than her fair share. -GIOVANNI
BOCCACCIO, THE DECAMERON , TRANSLATED BYG. H. MC WILLI AM tion is to yield and
taste the fruit. 238 Reversal T he reverse of temptation is security or
satisfaction, and both are fatal to seduction. If you cannot tempt someone out
of their habitual comfort, you cannot seduce them. If you satisfy the desire
you have awakened, the seduction is over. There is no reversal to temptation.
Although some stages can be passed over, no seduction can proceed without some
form of temptation, so it is always better to plan it carefully, tailoring it
to the weakness and childishness in your particular target. Phase Two Lead
Astray - Creating Pleasure and Confusion Your victims are sufficiently
intrigued and their desire for you is growing, but their attachment is weak and
at any moment they could decide to turn back. The goal in this phase is to lead
your victims so far astray-keeping them emotional and confused, giving them
pleasure but making them want more-that retreat is no longer possible.
Springing on them a pleasant surprise will make them see you as delightfully
unpredictable, but will also keep them off balance (9: Keep them in
suspense-what comes next?). The artful use of soft and pleasant words will
intoxicate them and stimulate fantasies (10: Use the demonic power of words to
sow confusion). Aesthetic touches and pleasant little rituals will titillate
their senses, distract their minds (11: Pay attention to detail). Your greatest
danger in this phase is the mere hint of routine orfamil- iarity. You need to
maintain some mystery, to keep a little distance so that in your absence your
victims become obsessed with you (12: Poeticize your presence). They may realize
they are falling for you, but they must never suspect how much of this has come
from your manipulations. A well-timed display of your weakness, of how
emotional you have become under their influence will help cover your tracks
(13: Disarm through strategic weakness and vulnerability). To excite your
victims and make them highly emotional, you must give them thefeeling that they
are actually living some of the fantasies you have stirred in their imagination
(14: Confuse desire and reality). By giving them only a part of the fantasy,
you will keep them coming backfor more. Focusing your attention on them so that
the rest of the world fades away, even taking them on a trip, will lead them
far astray (15: Isolate your victim). There is no turning back. 9 Keep Them in
Suspense- What Comes Next? The moment people feel they know what to expect from
you, your spell on them is broken. More: you have ceded them power. The only
way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense, a
calculated surprise. People love a mystery, and this is the key to luring them
further into your web. Behave in a way that leaves them wondering, What are you
up to? Doing something they do not expectfrom you will give them a delightful
sense of spontaneity-they will not be able tofore- see what comes next. You are
always one step ahead and in control. Give the victim a thrill with a sudden
change of direction.The Calculated Surprise I n 1753, the twenty-eight-old
Giovanni Casanova met a young girlnamed Caterina with whom he fell in love. Her
father knew what kind of man Casanova was, and to prevent some mishap before he
could marry her off, he sent her away to a convent on the Venetian island of
Murano, where she was to remain for four years. Casanova, however, was not one
to be daunted. He smuggled letters to Caterina. He began to attend Mass at the
convent several times a week, catching glimpses of her. The nuns began to talk
among themselves: who was this handsome young man who appeared so often? One
morning, as Casanova, leaving Mass, was about to board a gondola, a servant
girl from the convent passed by and dropped a letter at his feet. Thinking it
might be from Caterina, he picked it up. It was indeed intended for him, but it
was not from Caterina; its author was a nun at the convent, who had noticed him
on his many visits and wanted to make his acquaintance. Was he interested? If
so, he should come to the convent's parlor at a particular time, when the nun
would be receiving a visitor from the outside world, a friend of hers who was a
countess. He could stand at a distance, observe her, and decide whether she was
to his liking. Casanova was most intrigued by the letter: its style was
dignified, but there was something naughty about it as well-particularly from a
nun. He had to find out more. At the appointed day and time, he stood to the
side in the convent parlor and saw an elegantly dressed woman talking with a
nun seated behind a grating. He heard the nun's name mentioned, and was
astonished: it was Mathilde M., a well-known Venetian in her early twenties,
whose decision to enter a convent had surprised the whole city. But what
astonished him most was that beneath her nun's habit, he could see that she was
a beautiful young woman, particularly in her eyes, which were a brilliant blue.
Perhaps she needed a favor done, and intended that he would serve as her
cat's-paw. His curiosity got the better of him. A few days later he returned to
the convent and asked to see her. As he waited for her, his heart was beating a
mile a minute-he did not know what to expect. She finally appeared and sat down
behind the grating. They were alone in the room, and she said that she could
arrange for them to have supper together at a little villa nearby. Casanova was
delighted, but wondered what kind of nun he was dealing with. "And-have
you no lover but me?" he asked. "I have a I count upon taking [the
French people ] by surprise. A bold deed upsets people's equanimity, and they
are dumbfounded by a great novelty. -NAPOLEON BONAPARTE, QUOTED IN EMIL LUDWIG,
NAPOLEON. TRANSLATED BY EDEN AND CEDAR PAUL The first care of any dandy is to
never do what one expects them to do, to always go beyond. . . . The unexpected
can be nothing more than a gesture, but a gesture that is totally uncommon.
Alcibiades cut off the tail of his dog in order to surprise people. When he saw
the looks on his friends as they gazed upon the mutilated animal, he said:
"Ah, that is precisely what I wanted to happen: as long as the Athenians
gossip about this, they will not say anything worse about me." •
Attracting attention is not the only goal of a dandy, he wants to hold it by
unexpected, even ridiculous means. After Alcibiades, how many apprentice
dandies cut off the tails of their dogs! The 243 244 baron of Saint-Cricq, for
example, with his ice cream boots: one very hot day, he ordered at Tortonis two
ice creams, the vanilla served in his right boot, the strawberry in his left
boot. . . . The Count Saint-Germain loved to bring his friends to the theater,
in his voluptuous carriage lined in pink satin and drawn by two black horses
with enormous tails; he asked his friends in that inimitable tone of his:
"Which piece of entertainment did you wish to see? Vaudeville, the Variety
show, the Palais- Royal theater? I took the liberty of purchasing a box for all
three of them." Once the choice was made, with a look of great disdain, he
would take the unused tickets, roll them up, and use them to light his cigar. -
MAUD DE BELLEROCHE, DU DANDYAU PLAY-BOY While Shahzaman sat at one of the
windows overlooking the king's garden, he saw a door open in the palace,
through which came twenty slave girls and twenty negroes. In their midst was
his brother's [King Shahriyar's] queen, a woman of surpassing beauty. They made
their waytothe fountain, wherethey all undressed and sat on the grass. The
king's wife then called out: "Come Mass'ood!" and there promptly came
to her a black slave, who mounted her after smothering her with embraces and
kisses. So also did the negroes with the slave girls, reveling together till
the approach of night. ....... And so friend, who is also absolutely my
master," she replied. "It is to him I owe my wealth." She asked
if he had a lover. Yes, he replied. She then said, in a mysterious tone,
"I warn you that if you once allow me to take her place in your heart, no
power on earth can tear me from it." She then gave him the key to the
villa and told him to meet her there in two nights. He kissed her through the
grating and left in a daze. "I passed the next two days in a state of
feverish impatience," he wrote, "which prevented me from sleeping or
eating. Over and above birth, beauty, and wit, my new conquest possessed an
additional charm: she was forbidden fruit. I was about to become a rival of the
Church." He imagined her in her habit, and with her shaven head. He
arrived at the villa at the appointed hour. Mathilde was waiting for him. To
his surprise, she wore an elegant dress, and somehow she had avoided having her
head shaved, for her hair was in a magnificent chignon. Casanova began to kiss
her. She resisted, but only slightly, and then pulled back, saying a meal was
ready for them. Over dinner she filled in a few more of the gaps: her money
allowed her to bribe certain people, so that she could escape from the convent
every so often. She had mentioned Casanova to her friend and master, and he had
approved their liaison. He must be old? Casanova asked. No, she replied, a
glint in her eye, he is in his forties, and quite handsome. After supper, a
bell rang-her signal to hurry back to the convent, or she would be caught. She
changed back into her habit and left. A beautiful vista now seemed to stretch
before Casanova, of months spent in the villa with this delightful creature,
all of it courtesy of the mysterious master who paid for it all. He soon
returned to the convent to arrange the next meeting. They would rendezvous in a
square in Venice, then retire to the villa. At the appointed time and place,
Casanova saw a man approach him. Fearing it was her mysterious friend, or some
other man sent to kill him, he recoiled. The man circled behind him, then came
up close: it was Mathilde, wearing a mask and men's clothes. She laughed at the
fright she had given him. What a devilish nun. He had to admit that dressed as
a man she excited him even more. Casanova began to suspect that all was not as
it seemed. For one, he found a collection of libertine novels and pamphlets in
Mathilde's house. Then she made blasphemous comments, for example about the joy
they would have together during Lent, "mortifying their flesh." Now
she referred to her mysterious friend as her lover. A plan evolved in his mind
to take her away from this man and from the convent, eloping with her and
possessing her himself. A few days later he received a letter from her, in
which she made a confession: during one of their more passionate trysts at the
villa, her lover had hidden in a closet, watching the whole thing. The lover,
she told him, was the French ambassador to Venice, and Casanova had impressed
him. Casanova was not one to be fooled with like this, yet the next day he was
back at the convent, submissively arranging for another tryst. This time she
showed up at the hour they had named, and he embraced her-only to Keep Them in
Suspense-What Comes Next? • 245 find that he was embracing Caterina, dressed up
in Mathilde's clothes. Mathilde had befriended Caterina and learned her story.
Apparently taking pity on her, she had arranged it so that Caterina could leave
the convent for the evening, and meet up with Casanova. Only a few months
before Casanova had been in love with this girl, but he had forgotten about
her. Compared to the ingenious Mathilde, Caterina was a simpering bore. He
could not conceal his disappointment. He burned to see Mathilde. Casanova was
angry at the trick Mathilde had played. But a few days later, when he saw her
again, all was forgiven. As she had predicted during their first interview, her
power over him was complete. He had become her slave, addicted to her whims,
and to the dangerous pleasures she offered. Who knows what rash act he might
have committed on her behalf had their affair not been cut short by
circumstance. Interpretation. Casanova was almost always in control in his
seductions. He was the one who led, taking his victim on a trip to an unknown
destination, luring her into his web. In all of his memoirs the story of
Mathilde is the only seduction in which the tables are happily turned: he is
the seduced, the bewildered victim. What made Casanova Mathilde's slave was the
same tactic he had used on countless girls: the irresistible lure of being led
by another person, the thrill of being surprised, the power of mystery. Each
time he left Mathilde his head was spinning with questions. Her ability to go
on surprising him kept her always in his mind, deepening her spell and blotting
Caterina out. Each surprise was carefully calculated for the effect it would
produce. The first unexpected letter piqued his curiosity, as did that first
sight of her in the waiting room; suddenly seeing her dressed as an elegant
woman stirred intense desire; then seeing her dressed as a man intensified the
excitingly transgressive nature of their liaison. The surprises put him off
balance, yet left him quivering with anticipation of the next one. Even an
unpleasant surprise, such as the encounter with Caterina that Mathilde had set
up, kept him emotional and weak. Meeting the somewhat bland Caterina at that
moment only made him long that much more for Mathilde. In seduction, you need
to create constant tension and suspense, a feeling that with you nothing is
predictable. Do not think of this as a painful challenge. You are creating
drama in real life, so pour your creative energies into it, have some fun.
There are all kinds of calculated surprises you can spring on your
victims-sending a letter from out of the blue, showing up unexpectedly, taking
them to a place they have never been. But best of all are surprises that reveal
something new about your character. This needs to be set up. In those first few
weeks, your targets will tend to make certain snap judgments about you, based
on appearances. Perhaps they see you as a bit shy, practical, puritanical. You
know that this is not the real you, but it is how you act in social situations.
Let them, however, have these impressions, and in fact accentuate them a
little, without overacting: for instance.Shahzamanrelated to [his brother King
Shahriyar] all that he had seen in the king's garden that day. . . . • Upon
this Shahriyar announced his intention to set forth on another expedition. The
troops went out of the city with the tents, and King Shahriyar followed them.
And after he had stayed a while in the camp, he gave orders to his slaves that
no one was to be admitted to the king's tent. He then disguised himself and
returned unnoticed to the palace, where his brother was waiting for him. They
both sat at one of the windows overlooking the garden; and when they had been
there a short time, the queen and her women appeared with the black slaves, and
behaved as Shahzaman had described. . . . • As soon as they entered the palace,
King Shahriyar put his wife to death, together with her women and the black
slaves. Thenceforth he made it his custom to take a virgin in marriage to his
bed each night, and kill her the next morning. This he continued to do for
three years, until a clamor rose among the people, some of whom fled the
country with their daughters. • Now the vizier had two daughters. The elder was
called Shahrazad, and the younger Dunyazad. Shahrazad possessed many
accomplishments and was versed in the wisdom of the poets and the legends of
ancient kings. • That day Shahrazad noticed her father's anxiety and asked him
what it was that troubled him. When the vizier told her of his predicament, she
said: "Give me in marriage to 246 this king; either I shall die and be a
ransom for the daughters of Moslems, or live and be the cause of their
deliverance." He earnestly pleaded with her against such a hazard; but
Shahrazad was resolved, and would not yield to her father's entreaties. . . . •
So the vizier arrayed his daughter in bridal garments and decked her with
jewels and made ready to announce Shahrazad's wedding to the king. • Before
saying farewell to her sister, Shahrazad gave her these instructions:
"When I am received by the king, I shall send for you. Then when the king
has finished his act with me, you must say: 'Tell me, my sister, some tale of
marvel to beguile the night.' Then I will tell you a tale which, if Allah
wills, shall be the means of our deliverance. " • The vizier went with his
daughter to the king. And when the king had taken the maiden Shahrazad to his
chamber and had lain with her, she wept and said: "I have a young sister
to whom I wish to bid farewell." • The king sent for Dunyazad. When she
arrived, she threw her arms around her sister's neck, and seated herself by her
side. • Then Dunyazad said to Shahrazad: "Tell us, my sister, a tale of
marvel, so that the night may pass pleasantly." • "Gladly," she
answered, "if the king permits. " • And the king, who was troubled
with sleeplessness, eagerly listened to the tale of Shahrazad: Once upon the
time, in the city of Basrah, there lived a prosperous tailor who was fond of
sport and merriment. ..." [Nearly seem a little more reserved than usual.
Now you have room to suddenly surprise them with some bold or poetic or naughty
action. Once they have changed their minds about you, surprise them again, as
Mathilde did with Casanova-first a nun who wants an affair, then a libertine,
then a seductress with a sadistic streak. As they strain to figure you out,
they will be thinking about you all of the time, and will want to know more
about you. Their curiosity will lead them further into your web, until it is
too late for them to turn back. This is always the law for the interesting. . .
. If one just knows how to surprise, one always wins the game. The energy of
the person involved is temporarily suspended; one makes it impossible for her
to act. -S0REN KIERKEGAARD Keys to Seduction A child is usually a willful,
stubborn creature who will deliberately do the opposite of what we ask. But
there is one scenario in which children will happily give up their usual
willfulness: when they are promised a surprise. Perhaps it is a present hidden
in a box, a game with an unforeseeable ending, a journey with an unknown
destination, a suspenseful story with a surprise finish. In those moments when
children are waiting for a surprise, their willpower is suspended. They are in
your thrall for as long as you dangle possibility before them. This childish
habit is buried deep within us, and is the source of an elemental human
pleasure: being led by a person who knows where they are going, and who takes
us on a journey. (Maybe our joy in being carried along involves a buried memory
of being literally carried, by a parent, when we are small.) We get a similar
thrill when we watch a movie or read a thriller: we are in the hands of a
director or author who is leading us along, taking us through twists and turns.
We stay in our seats, we turn the pages, happily enslaved by the suspense. It
is the pleasure a woman has in being led by a confident dancer, letting go of
any defensiveness she may feel and letting another person do the work. Falling
in love involves anticipation; we are about to head off in a new direction,
enter a new life, where everything will be strange. The seduced wants to be
led, to be carried along like a child. If you are predictable, the charm wears
off; everyday life is predictable. In the Arabian Talesfrom the Thousand and
One Nights, each night King Shahriyar takes a virgin as his wife, then kills
her the following morning. One such virgin, Shahrazad, manages to escape this
fate by telling the king a story that can only be completed the following day.
She does this night after night, keeping the king in constant suspense. When
one story finishes, she quickly starts up another. She does this for nearly
three years, until the king finally decides to spare her life. You are like
Shahrazad: with- Keep Them in Suspense-What Comes Next? • 247 out new stories,
without a feeling of anticipation, your seduction will die. Keep stoking the
fires night after night. Your targets must never know what's coming next-what
surprises you have in store for them. As with King Shahriyar, they will be
under your control for as long as you can keep them guessing. In 1765, Casanova
met a young Italian countess named Clementina who lived with her two sisters in
a chateau. Clementina loved to read, and had little interest in the men who
swarmed around her. Casanova added himself to their number, buying her books,
engaging her in literary discussions, but she was no less indifferent to him
than she had been to them. Then one day he invited the entire family on a
little trip. He would not tell them where they were going. They piled into the
carriage, all the way trying to guess their destination. A few hours later they
entered Milan-what joy, the sisters had never been there. Casanova led them to
his apartment, where three dresses had been laid out-the most magnificent
dresses the girls had ever seen. There was one for each of the sisters, he told
them, and the green one was for Clementina. Stunned, she put it on, and her
face lit up. The surprises did not stop-there was a delicious meal, champagne,
games. By the time they returned to the chateau, late in the evening,
Clementina had fallen hopelessly in love with Casanova. The reason was simple:
surprise creates a moment when people's defenses come down and new emotions can
rush in. If the surprise is pleasurable, the seductive poison enters their
veins without their realizing it. Any sudden event has a similar effect,
striking directly at our emotions before we get defensive. Rakes know this
power well. A young married woman in the court of Louis XV, in eighteenth-
century France, noticed a handsome young courtier watching her, first at the
opera, then in church. Making inquiries, she found it was the Due de Richelieu,
the most notorious rake in France. No woman was safe from this man, she was
warned; he was impossible to resist, and she should avoid him at all costs.
Nonsense, she replied, she was happily married. He could not possibly seduce
her. Seeing him again, she laughed at his persistence. He would disguise
himself as a beggar and approach her in the park, or his coach would suddenly
come alongside hers. He was never aggressive, and seemed harmless enough. She
let him talk to her at court; he was charming and witty, and even asked to meet
her husband. The weeks passed, and the woman realized she had made a mistake:
she looked forward to seeing the marquis. She had let down her guard. This had
to stop. Now she started avoiding him, and he seemed to respect her feelings:
he stopped bothering her. Then one day, weeks later, she was at the country
manor of a friend when the marquis suddenly appeared. She blushed, trembled,
walked away, but his unexpected appearance had caught her unawares-it had
pushed her over the edge. A few days later she became another of Richelieu's
victims. Of course he had set the whole thing up, including the supposed
surprise encounter. Not only does suddenness create a seductive jolt, it
conceals manipula- three years pass.] Now during this time Shahrazad had borne
King Shahriyar three sous. On the thousand and first night, when she had ended
the tale of Ma'aruf she rose and kissed the ground before him, saying:
"Great King, for a thousand and one nights I have been recounting to you
the fables of past ages and the legends of ancient kings. May I be so bold as
to crave a favor of your majesty?" • The king replied: "Ask, and it
shall be granted. " • Shahrazad called out to the nurses, saying:
"Bring me my children. " • . . . "Behold these three [little
boys] whom Allah has granted to us. For their sake I implore you to spare my
life. For if you destroy the mother of these infants, they will find none among
women to love them as I would." • The king embraced his three sous, and
his eyes filled with tears as he answered: "I swear by Allah, Shahrazad, that
you were already pardoned before the coming of these children. I loved you
because I found you chaste and tender, wise and eloquent. May Allah bless you,
and bless your father and mother, your ancestors, and all your descendants. O,
Shahrazad, this thousand and first night is brighter for us than the day!"
-TALES FROM THE THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS. TRANSLATED BY N.J. DAWOOD 248 tions.
Appear somewhere unexpectedly, say or do something sudden, and people will not
have time to figure out that your move was calculated. Take them to some new
place as if it only just occurred to you, suddenly reveal some secret. Made
emotionally vulnerable, they will be too bewildered to see through you.
Anything that happens suddenly seems natural, and anything that seems natural
has a seductive charm. Only months after arriving in Paris in 1926, Josephine
Baker had completely charmed and seduced the French public with her wild
dancing.But less than a year later she could feel their interest wane. Since
childhood she had hated feeling out of control of her life. Why be at the mercy
of the fickle public? She left Paris and returned a year later, her manner
completely altered-now she played the part of an elegant Frenchwoman, who
happened to be an ingenious dancer and performer. The French fell in love
again; the power was back on her side. If you are in the public eye, you must
learn from this trick of surprise. People are bored, not only with their own
lives but with people who are meant to keep them from being bored. The minute
they feel they can predict your next step, they will eat you alive. The artist
Andy Warhol kept moving from incarnation to incarnation, and no one could
predict the next one-artist, filmmaker, society man. Always keep a surprise up
your sleeve. To keep the public's attention, keep them guessing. Let the
moralists accuse you of insincerity, of having no core or center. They are
actually jealous of the freedom and playfulness you reveal in your public
persona. Finally, you might think it wiser to present yourself as someone
reliable, not given to caprice. If so, you are in fact merely timid. It takes
courage and effort to mount a seduction. Reliability is fine for drawing people
in, but stay reliable and you stay a bore. Dogs are reliable, a seducer is not.
If, on the other hand, you prefer to improvise, imagining that any kind of
planning or calculation is antithetical to the spirit of surprise, you are
making a grave mistake. Constant improvisation simply means you are lazy, and
thinking only about yourself. What often seduces a person is the feeling that
you have expended effort on their behalf. You do not need to trumpet this too
loudly, but make it clear in the gifts you make, the little journeys you plan,
the little teases you lure people with. Little efforts like these will be more
than amply rewarded by the conquest of the heart and willpower of the seduced.
Symbol: The Roller Coaster. The car rises slowly to the top, then suddenly
hurtles you into space, whips you to the side, throws you upside down, in every
possible direction. The riders laugh and scream. What thrills them is to let
go, to grant control to someone else, who propels them in unexpected
directions. What new thrill awaits them around the next corner ? Keep Them in
Suspense-What Comes Next? • 249 Reversal S urprise can be unsurprising if you
keep doing the same thing again and again. Jiang Qing would try to surprise her
husband Mao Zedong with sudden changes of mood, from harshness to kindness and
back. At first he was captivated; he loved the feeling of never knowing what
was coming. But it went on for years, and was always the same. Soon, Madame
Mao's supposedly unpredictable mood swings just annoyed him. You need to vary
the method of your surprises. When Madame de Pompadour was the lover of the inveterately
bored King Louis XV, she made each surprise different- a new amusement, a new
game, a new fashion, a new mood. He could never predict what would come next,
and while he waited for the next surprise, his willpower was temporarily
suspended. No man was ever more of a slave to a woman than was Louis to Madame
de Pompadour. When you change direction, make the new direction truly new. 10
Use the Demonic Power of Words to Sow Confusion nis hard to make people listen;
they are consumed with their own thoughts and desires, and have little timefor
yours. The trick to making them listen is to say what they want to hear, to
fill their ears with whatever is pleasant to them. This is the essence of
seductive language. Inflame people's emotions with loaded phrases, flatter
them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them infantasies, sweet words, and
promises, and not only will they listen to you, they will lose their will to
resist you. Keep your language vague, letting them read into it what they want.
Use writing to stir upfantasies and to create an idealized portrait of
yourself. Seductive Oratory O n May 13, 1958, right-wing Frenchmen and their
sympathizers in the army seized control of Algeria, which was then a French
colony. They had been afraid that France's socialist government would grant
Algeria its independence. Now, with Algeria under their control, they
threatened to take over all of France. Civil war seemed imminent. At this dire
moment all eyes turned to General Charles de Gaulle, the World War II hero who
had played a crucial role in liberating France from the Nazis. For the last ten
years de Gaulle had stayed away from politics, disgusted with the infighting
among the various parties. He remained very popular, and was generally seen as
the one man who could unite the country, but he was also a conservative, and
the right-wingers felt certain that if he came to power he would support their
cause. Days after the May 13 coup, the French government-the Fourth
Republic-collapsed, and the parliament called on de Gaulle to help form a new
government, the Fifth Republic. He asked for and was granted full powers for
four months. On June 4, days after becoming the head of government, de Gaulle
flew to Algeria. The French colonials were ecstatic. It was their coup that had
indirectly brought de Gaulle to power; surely, they imagined, he was coming to
thank them, and to reassure them that Algeria would remain French. When he
arrived in Algiers, thousands of people filled the city's main plaza. The mood
was extremely festive-there were banners, music, and endless chants of
"Algerie jkmgaise," the French-colonial slogan. Suddenly de Gaulle
appeared on a balcony overlooking the plaza. The crowd went wild. The general,
an extremely tall man, raised his arms above his head, and the chanting doubled
in volume. The crowd was begging him to join in. Instead he lowered his arms
until silence fell, then opened them wide, and slowly intoned, in his deep
voice, "Je vous ai compris "-I have understood you. There was a moment
of quiet, and then, as his words sank in, a deafening roar: he understood them.
That was all they needed to hear. De Gaulle proceeded to talk of the greatness
of France. More cheers. He promised there would be new elections, and
"with those elected representatives we will see how to do the rest."
Yes, a new government, just what the crowd wanted-more cheers. He would
"find the place for Algeria" in the French "ensemble."
There must be "total discipline, without qualification and without
conditions"-who could argue with that? He closed with a loud call:
"Vive la Republique! Vive la France!" the emotional slogan that After
Operation Sedition, we are being treated to Operation Seduction.
-MAURICEKRIEGEL- VALRIMONT ON CHARLES DE GAULLE, SHORTLY AFTER THE GENERAL
ASSUMED POWER My mistress staged a lockout. ... \ I went back to verses and
compliments, \ My natural weapons. Soft words \ Remove harsh door-chains.
There's magic in poetry, its power \ Can pull down the bloody moon, \ Turn bach
the sun, make serpents burst asunder \ Or rivers flow upstream. \ Doors are no
match for such spellbinding, the toughest \ Locks can be opeu-sesamed by its
charms. \ But epic's a dead loss for me. I'll get nowhere with swift-footed \
Achilles, or with either of Atreus' sons. \ Old what's- his-name wasting twenty
years on war and travel, \ Poor Hector dragged in the dust - \ No good. But
lavish fine words on some young girl's profile \ And sooner or later shell
tender herself as the fee, \ An ample reward for your 253 254 labors. So farewell,
heroic \ Figures of legend-the quid \ Pro quo you offer won't tempt me. A bevy
of beauties \ All swooning over my love-songs - that's what I want. -OVID, THE
AMORES, TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN When she has received a letter, when its
sweet poison has entered her blood, then a word is sufficient to wake her love
burst forth. . . . My personal presence will prevent ecstasy. If I am present
only in a letter, then she can easily cope with me; to some extent,
shemistakesme for a more universal creature who dwells in her love. Then, too,
in a letter one can more readily havefree rein; in a letter I can throw myself
at herfeet in superb fashion, etc.-something that would easily seem like
nonsense if I did it in person, and the illusion would be lost. . . . • On the
whole, letters are and will continue to be a priceless means of making an
impression on a young girl; the dead letter of writing often has much more
influence than the living word. A letter is a secretive communication; one is
master of the situation, feels no pressure from anyone's actual presence, and I
do believe a young girl would prefer to be alone with her ideal. - S0REN
KIERKEGAARD, THE SEDUCER'S DIARY, TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. HONG AND EDNA H. HONG
had been the rallying cry in the fight against the Nazis. Everyone shouted it
back. In the next few days de Gaulle made similar speeches around Algeria, to
equally delirious crowds. Only after de Gaulle had returned to France did the
words of his speeches sink in: not once had he promised to keep Algeria French.
In fact he had hinted that he might give the Arabs the vote, and might grant an
amnesty to the Algerian rebels who had been fighting to force the French from
the country. Somehow, in the excitement his words had created, the colonists
had failed to focus on what they had actually meant. De Gaulle had duped them.
And indeed, in the months to come, he worked to grant Algeria its
independence-a task he finally accomplished in 1962. Interpretation. De Gaulle
cared little about an old French colony, and about what it symbolized to some
French people. Nor did he have any sympathy for anyone who fomented civil war.
His one concern was to make France a modern power. And so, when he went to
Algiers, he had a long-term plan: weaken the right-wingers by getting them to
fight among themselves, and work toward Algerian independence. His short-term
goal had to be to defuse the tension and buy himself some time. He would not
lie to the colonials by saying he supported their cause-that would cause
trouble back home. Instead he would beguile them with seductive oratory,
intoxicate them with words. His famous "I have understood you" could
easily have meant, "I understand what a danger you represent." But
ajubi- lant crowd expecting his support read it the way they wanted. To keep
them at a fever pitch, de Gaulle made emotional references-to the French
Resistance during World War II, for example, and to the need for
"discipline," a word with great appeal to right-wingers. He filled
their ears with promises-a new government, a glorious future. He got them to
chant, creating an emotional bond. He spoke with dramatic pitch and quivering
emotion. His words created a kind of delirium. De Gaulle was not trying to
express his feelings or speak the truth; he was trying to produce an effect.
This is the key to seductive oratory. Whether you are talking to a single
individual or to a crowd, try a little experiment: rein in your desire to speak
your mind. Before you open your mouth, ask yourself a question: what can I say
that will have the most pleasant effect on my listeners? Often this entails
flattering their egos, assuaging their insecurities, giving them vague hopes
for the future, sympathizing with their travails ("I have understood
you"). Start off with something pleasant and everything to come will be
easy: people's defenses will go down. They will grow amenable, open to
suggestion. Think of your words as an intoxicating drug that will make people
emotional and confused. Keep your language vague and ambiguous, letting your listeners
fill in the gaps with their fantasies and imaginings. Instead of tuning you
out, getting irritated or defensive, being impatient for you to shut up, they
will be pliant, happy with your sweet-sounding words. Use the Demonic Power of
Words to Sow Confusion • 255 Seductive Writing O ne spring afternoon in the
late 1830s, in a street in Copenhagen, a man named Johannes caught a glimpse of
a beautiful young girl. Self- absorbed yet delightfully innocent, she
fascinated him, and he followed her, from a distance, and found out where she
lived. Over the next few weeks he made inquiries and found out more about her.
Her name was Cordelia Wahl, and she lived with her aunt. The two led a quiet
existence; Cordelia liked to read, and to be alone. Seducing young girls was
Johannes's specialty, but Cordelia would be a catch; she had already turned
down several eligible suitors. Johannes imagined that Cordelia might hunger for
something more out of life, something grand, something resembling the books she
had read and the daydreams that presumably filled her solitude. He arranged an
introduction and began to frequent her house, accompanied by a friend of his
named Edward. This young man had his own thoughts of courting Cordelia, but he
was awkward, and strained to please her. Johannes, on the other hand, virtually
ignored her, instead befriending her aunt. They would talk about the most banal
things-farm life, whatever was in the news. Occasionally Johannes would veer
off into a more philosophical discussion, for he had noticed, out of the corner
of his eye, that on these occasions Cordelia would listen to him closely, while
still pretending to listen to Edward. This went on for several weeks. Johannes
and Cordelia barely spoke, but he could tell that he intrigued her, and that
Edward irritated her to no end. One morning, knowing her aunt was out, he
visited their house. It was the first time he and Cordelia had been alone
together. As dryly and politely as possible, he proceeded to propose to her.
Needless to say she was shocked and flustered. A man who had shown not the
slightest interest in her suddenly wanted to marry her? She was so surprised
that she referred the matter to her aunt, who, as Johannes had expected, gave
her approval. Had Cordelia resisted, her aunt would have respected her wishes;
but she did not. On the outside, everything had changed. The couple were
engaged. Johannes now came to the house alone, sat with Cordelia, held her
hand, talked with her. But inwardly he made sure things were the same. He remained
distant and polite. He would sometimes warm up, particularly when talking about
literature (Cordelia's favorite subject), but at a certain point he always went
back to more mundane matters. He knew this frustrated Cordelia, who had
expected that now he would be different. Yet even when they went out together,
he took her to formal socials arranged for engaged couples. How conventional!
Was this what love and marriage were supposed to be about, these prematurely
aged people talking about houses and their own drab futures? Cordelia, who was
shy at the best of times, asked Johannes to stop dragging her to these affairs.
The battlefield was prepared. Cordelia was confused and anxious. Let wax pave
the way for you, spread out on smooth tablets, \ Let wax go before as witness
to your mind - \ Bring her your flattering words, words that ape the lover: \
And remember, whoever you are, to throw in some good \ Entreaties. Entreaties
are what made Achilles give back \ Hector's Body to Priam; even an angry god \ Is
moved by the voice of prayer. Make promises, what's the harm in \ Promising?
Here's where anyone can play rich.... \ A persuasive letter's \ The thing to
lead off with, explore her mind, \ Reconnoiter the landscape. A message
scratched on an apple \ Betrayed Cydippe: she was snared by her own words. \ My
advice, then, young men of Rome, is to learn the noble \ Advocate's arts-not
only to let you defend \ Some trembling client: a woman, no less than the
populace, \ Elite senator, or grave judge, \ Will surrender to eloquence.
Nevertheless, dissemble \ Your powers, avoid long words, \ Don't look too
highbrow. Who but a mindless ninny \ Declaims to his mistress? An overlettered
style \ Repels girls as often as not. Use ordinary language, \ Familiar yet coaxing
words -as though \ You were there, in her presence.
If
she refuses your letter, \ Sends it back unread, persist. - OVID, THE ART OF
LOVE., TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN 256 Therefore, the person who is unable to
write letters and notes never becomes a dangerous seducer. -S0REN KIERKEGAARD,
EITHER/OR. TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. HONG AND EDNA H. HONG Standing on a crag of
Olympus \ Gold-throned Hera saw her brother, \ Who was her husband's brother
too, \ Busy on the fields of human glory, \ And her heart sang. Then she saw
Zeus \ Sitting on the topmost peak of Ida \ And was filled with resentment.
Cow-eyed Hera \ Mused for a while on how to trick \ The mind of Zeus
Aegis-holder, \ And the plan that seemed best to her \ Was to make herself up
and go to Ida, \ Seduce him, and then shed on his eyelids \ And cunning mind a
sleep gentle and warm. . . . \ When everything was perfect, she stepped \ Out
of her room and called Aphrodite \ And had a word with her in private: \
"My dear child, will you do something for me, \ I wonder, or will you
refuse, angry because \ I favor the Greeks and you the Trojans?" \ And
Zeus' daughter Aphrodite replied: \ "Goddess revered as Cronus's daughter,
\ Speak your mind. Tell me what you want \And I'll oblige you if I possibly
can." \And Hera, with every intention to deceive: \ "Give me now the
Sex and Desire \ You use to subdue immortals and humans. ..." \And
Aphrodite, who loved to smile: \ "How could I, or would I, refuse someone
\ Who sleeps in the anus of Then, a few weeks after their engagement, Johannes
sent her a letter. Here he described the state of his soul, and his certainty
that he loved her. He spoke in metaphor, suggesting that he had been waiting
for years, lantern in hand, for Cordelia's appearance; metaphor melted into reality,
back and forth. The style was poetic, the words glowed with desire, but the
whole was delightfully ambiguous-Cordelia could reread the letter ten times
without being sure what it said. The next day Johannes received a response. The
writing was simple and straightforward, but full of sentiment: his letter had
made her so happy, Cordelia wrote, and she had not imagined this side to his
character. He replied by writing that he had changed. He did not say how or
why, but the implication was that it was because of her. Now his letters came
almost daily. They were mostly of the same length, in a poetic style that had a
touch of madness to it, as if he were intoxicated with love. He talked of Greek
myth, comparing Cordelia to a nymph and himself to a river that fell in love
with a maiden. His soul, he said, merely reflected back her image; she was all
he could see or think of. Meanwhile he detected changes in Cordelia: her
letters became more poetic, less restrained. Without realizing it she repeated
his ideas, imitating his style and his imagery as if they were her own. Also,
when they saw each other in person, she was nervous. He made a point of
remaining the same, aloof and regal, but he could tell that she saw him
differently, sensing depths in him that she could not fathom. In public she
hung on his every word. She must have memorized his letters, for she referred
to them constantly in their talks. It was a secret life they shared. When she
held his hand, she did so more tightly than before. Her eyes expressed an
impatience, as if she were hoping that at any moment he would do something
bold. Johannes made his letters shorter but more numerous, sometimes sending
several in one day. The imagery became more physical and more suggestive, the
style more disjointed, as if he could barely organize his thoughts. Sometimes
he sent a note of just a sentence or two. Once, at a party at Cordelia's house,
he dropped such a note into her knitting basket and watched as she ran away to
read it, her face flushed. In her letters he saw signs of emotion and turmoil.
Echoing a sentiment he had hinted at in an earlier letter, she wrote that she
hated the whole engagement business- it was so beneath their love. Everything
was ready. Soon she would be his, the way he wanted it. She would break off the
engagement. A rendezvous in the country would be simple to arrange-in fact she
would be the one to propose it. This would be his most skillful seduction.
Interpretation. Johannes and Cordelia are characters in the loosely autobiographical
novel The Seducer's Diary (1843), by the Danish philosopher Spren Kierkegaard.
Johannes is a most experienced seducer, who specializes in working on his
victim's mind. This is precisely where Cordelia's previous Use the Demonic
Power of Words to Sow Confusion • 257 suitors have failed: they have begun by
imposing themselves, a common mistake. We think that by being persistent, by
overwhelming our targets with romantic attention, we are convincing them of our
affection. Instead we are convincing them of our impatience and insecurity.
Aggressive attention is not flattering because it is not personalized. It is
unbridled libido at work; the target sees through it. Johannes is too clever to
begin so obviously. Instead, he takes a step back, intriguing Cordelia by
acting a little cold, and carefully creating the impression of a formal,
somewhat secretive man. Only then does he surprise her with his first letter.
Obviously there is more to him than she has thought, and once she has come to
believe this, her imagination runs rampant. Now he can intoxicate her with his
letters, creating a presence that haunts her like a ghost. His words, with
their images and poetic references, are constantly in her mind. And this is the
ultimate seduction: to possess her mind before moving to conquer her body. The
story of Johannes shows what a weapon in a seducer's armory a letter can be.
But it is important to learn how to incorporate letters in seduction. It is
best not to begin your correspondence until at least several weeks after your
initial contact. Let your victims get an impression of you: you seem
intriguing, yet you show no particular interest in them. When you sense that
they are thinking about you, that is the time to hit them with your first
letter. Any desire you express for them will come as a surprise; their vanity
will be tickled and they will want more. Now make your letters frequent, in
fact more frequent than your personal appearances. This will give them the time
and space to idealize you, which would be more difficult if you were always in
their face. After they have fallen under your spell, you can always take a step
back, making the letters fewer-let them think you are losing interest and they
will be hungry for more. Design your letters as homages to your targets. Make
everything you write come back to them, as if they were all you could think
about-a delirious effect. Ifyoutell an anecdote, make it somehow relate to
them. Your correspondence is a kind of mirror you are holding up to them-they
get to see themselves reflected through your desire. If for some reason they do
not like you, write to them as if they did. Remember: the tone of your letters
is what will get under their skin. If your language is elevated, poetic,
creative in its praise, it will infect them despite themselves. Never argue,
never defend yourself, never accuse them of being heartless. That would ruin
the spell. A letter can suggest emotion by seeming disordered, rambling from
one subject to another. Clearly it is hard for you to think; your love has
unhinged you. Disordered thoughts are exciting thoughts. Do not waste time on
real information; focus on feelings and sensations, using expressions that are
ripe with connotation. Plant ideas by dropping hints, writing suggestively
without explaining yourself. Never lecture, never seem intellectual or
superior-you will only make yourself pompous, which is deadly. Far better to
speak colloquially, though with a poetic edge to lift the language above the
commonplace. Do not become sentimental-it is tiring, and too almighty
Zeus?" \ And with that she unbound from her breast \ An ornate sash inlaid
with magical charms. \ Sex is in it, and Desire, and seductive \ Sweet Talk,
that fools even the wise. . . . \ Hera was fast approaching Gargarus, \ Ida's
highest peak, when Zeus saw her. \ And when he saw her, lust enveloped him, \
Just as it had the first time they made love, \ Slipping off to bed behind
their parents' backs. \ He stood close to her and said: \ "Hera, why have
you left Olympus? \ And where are your horses and chariot?" \ And Hera,
with every intention to deceive: \ "I'm off to visit the ends of the earth
\ And Father Ocean and Mother Tethys \ Who nursed and doted on me in their
house. . . . " \ And Zeus, clouds scudding about him: \ "You can go
there later just as well. \ Let's get in bed now ami make love. \ No goddess or
woman has ever \ Made me feel so overwhelmed with lust. . . . \ I've never
loved anyone as I love you now, \ Never been in the grip of desire so sweet.
" \ And Hera, with every intention to deceive: \ "What a thing to
say, my awesome lord. \ The thought of us lying down here on Ida \ Ami making
love outdoors in broad daylight! \ What if one of the Immortals saw us \
Asleep, and went to all the other gods \Aud told them? I could never get up \
And go back home. It would be shameful. \ But if you really do want to do this,
\ There is the bedroom your dear son Hephaestus \ Built for you, with good
solid doors. Let's go \ There and lie down, since you're in the mood. " \
258 And Zeus, who masses the clouds, replied: \ "Hera, don't worry about
any god or man \ Seeing us. I'll enfold you in a cloud so dense \ And golden
not even Helios could spy on us, \ And his light is the sharpest vision there
is." -HOMER, THE ILIAD, TRANSLATED BY STANLEY LOMBARDO ANTONY: Friends,
Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; \ I come to bury Caesar, not to praise
him. \ The evil that men do lives after them; \ The good is oft interred with
their bones. \ So let it be with Caesar. ... \ I speak not to disprove what
Brutus spoke, \ But here I am to speak what I do know. \ You all did love him
once, not without cause. \ What cause withholds you then to mourn for him? \ O
judgment, thou art fled to brutish beasts, \ And men have lost their reason!
Bear with me. \ My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar, \And I must pause
till it come back to me. . . . \ PLEBEIAN: Poor soul! his eyes are red asfi r e
with weeping. \ PLEBEIAN: There's not a nobler man in Rome than Antony. \
PLEBEIAN: Now mark him. He begins again to speak. \ ANTONY: But yesterday the
word of Caesar might \ Have stood against the world. Now lies he there, \ And
none so poor to do him reverence. \ O masters! If I were disposed to stir \
Your hearts and minds to mutiny and rage, \ I should do Brutus wrong, and
Cassius wrong, \ Who,youallknow,aredirect. Better to suggest the effect your
target has on you than to gush about how you feel. Stay vague and ambiguous,
allowing the reader the space to imagine and fantasize. The goal of your
writing is not to express yourself but to create emotion in the reader,
spreading confusion and desire. You will know that your letters are having the
proper effect when your targets come to mirror your thoughts, repeating words
you wrote, whether in their own letters or in person. This is the time to move
to the more physical and erotic. Use language that quivers with sexual
connotation, or, better still, suggest sexuality by making your letters
shorter, more frequent, and even more disordered than before. There is nothing
more erotic than the short abrupt note. Your thoughts are unfinished; they can
only be completed by the other person. Sganarelle to Don Juan: Well, what I
have to say is ... I don't know what to say; for you turn things in such a
manner with your words, that it seems that you are right; and yet, the truth of
it is, you are not. I had the finest thoughts in the world, and your words have
totally scrambled them up. -MOLIERE Keys to Seduction W e rarely think before
we talk. It is human nature to say the first thing that comes into our head-and
usually what comes first is something about ourselves. We primarily use words
to express our ownfeelings, ideas, and opinions. (Also to complain and to
argue.) This is because we are generally self-absorbed-the person who interests
us most is our own self. To a certain extent this is inevitable, and through
much of our lives there is nothing much wrong with it; we can function quite
well this way. In seduction, however, it limits our potential. You cannot
seduce without an ability to get outside your own skin and inside another
person's, piercing their psychology. The key to seductive language is not the
words you utter, or your seductive tone of voice; it is a radical shift in
perspective and habit. You have to stop saying the first thing that comes to
your mind-you have to control the urge to prattle and vent your opinions. The
key is to see words as a tool not for communicating true thoughts and feelings
but for confusing, delighting, and intoxicating. The difference between normal
language and seductive language is like the difference between noise and music.
Noise is a constant in modern life, something irritating we tune out if we can.
Our normal language is like noise-people may half-listen to us as we go on about
ourselves, butjust as often their thoughts are a million miles away. Every now
and then their ears prick up when something we say touches on them, but this
lasts only until Use the Demonic Power of Words to SowConfusion • 259 we return
to yet another story about ourselves. As early as childhood we leant to tune
out this kind of noise (particularly when it comes from our parents). Music, on
the other hand, is seductive, and gets under our skin. It is intended for
pleasure. A melody or rhythm stays in our blood for days after we have heard
it, altering our moods and emotions, relaxing or exciting us. To make music
instead of noise, you must say things that please-things that relate to
people's lives, that touch their vanity. If they have many problems, you can
produce the same effect by distracting them, focusing their attention away from
themselves by saying things that are witty and entertaining, or that make the
future seem bright and hopeful. Promises and flattery are music to anyone's
ears. This is language designed to move people and lower their resistance. It
is language designed for them, not directed at them. The Italian writer
Gabriele D'Annunzio was physically unattractive, yet women could not resist
him. Even those who knew of his Don luan reputation and disliked him for it
(the actress Eleanora Duse and the dancer Isadora Duncan, for instance) fell
under his spell. The secret was the flow of words in which he enveloped a
woman. His voice was musical, his language poetic, and most devastating of all,
he knew how to flatter. His flattery was aimed precisely at a woman's
weaknesses, the areas where she needed validation. A woman was beautiful, yet
lacked confidence in her own wit and intelligence? He made sure to say that he
was bewitched not by her beauty but by her mind. He might compare her to a
heroine of literature, or to a chosen mythological figure. Talking to him, her
ego would double in size. Flattery is seductive language in its purest form.
Its purpose is not to express a truth or a real feeling, but only to create an
effect on the recipient. Like D'Annunzio, learn to aim your flattery directly
at a person's insecurities. For instance, if a man is a fine actor and feels
confident about his professional skills, to flatter him about his acting will
have little effect, and may even accomplish the opposite-he could feel that he
is above the need to have his ego stroked, and your flattery will seem to say
otherwise. But let us say that this actor is an amateur musician or painter. He
does this work on his own, without professional support or publicity, and he is
well aware that others make their living at it. Flattery of his artistic
pretensions will go straight to his head and earn you double points. Learn to
sniff out the parts of a person's ego that need validation. Make it a surprise,
something no one else has thought to flatter before-something you can describe
as a talent or positive quality that others have not noticed. Speak with a
little tremor, as if your target's charms had overwhelmed you and made you
emotional. Flattery can be a kind of verbal foreplay. Aphrodite's powers of
seduction, which were said to come from the magnificent girdle she wore,
involved a sweetness of language-a skill with the soft, flattering words that
prepare the way for erotic thoughts. Insecurities and nagging self-doubts have
a dampening effect on the libido. Make your targets feel secure and alluring
through your flattering words and their resistance will melt away. honorable
men. \ I will not do them wrong. . . . \ But here's a parchment with the seal
of Caesar. \ I found it in his closet; 'tis his will. \ Let but the commons
hear this testament, \ Which (pardon me) I do not mean to read, \And they would
go and kiss dead Caesar's wounds \ And dip their napkins in his sacred blood. .
. . \ PLEBEIAN: We'll hear the will! Read it, Mark Antony. \ ALL: The will, the
will! We will hear Caesar's will! \ ANTONY: Have patience, gentle friends; I
must not read it. \ It is not meet you know how Caesar loved you. \ You are not
wood, you are not stones, but men; \ And being men, hearing the will of Caesar,
\ It will inflame you, it will make you mad. \ 'Tis good you know not that you
are his heirs; \ For if you should, O, what would come ofit?. . . \ If you have
tears, prepare to shed them now. \ You all do know this mantle. I remember \
The first time ever Caesar put it on. .. . \ Look, in this place ran Cassius'
dagger through. \ See what a rent the envious Casca made. \ Through this the
well- beloved Brutus stabbed; \ And as he plucked his cursed steel away, \ Mark
how the blood of Caesar followed it. . . . \ For Brutus, as you know, was
Caesar's angel. \ Judge, O you gods, how dearly Caesar loved him! \ This was
the most unkindest cut of all; \ For when the noble Caesar saw him stab, \
Ingratitude, more strong than traitors' arms, \ Quite vanquished him. . . . \
O, now you weep, and I perceive you feel \ The dint of pity. These are gracious
260 drops. \ Kind souls, what weep you when you but behold \ Our Caesar's
vesture wounded? Look you here! \ Here is himself, marred as you see until
traitors. -WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, JULIUS CAESAR Sometimes the most pleasant thing
to hear is the promise of something wonderful, a vague but rosy future that is
just around the corner. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, in his public
speeches, talked little about specific programs for dealing with the
Depression; instead he used rousing rhetoric to paint a picture of America's
glorious future. In the various legends of Don Juan, the great seducer would
immediately focus women's attention on the future, a fantastic world to which
he promised to whisk them off. Tailor your sweet words to your targets'
particular problems and fantasies. Promise something realizable, something
possible, but do not make it too specific; you are inviting them to dream. If
they are mired in dull routine, talk of adventure, preferably with you. Do not
discuss how it will be accomplished; speak as if it magically already existed,
somewhere in the future. Lift people's thoughts into the clouds and they will
relax, their defenses will come down, and it will be that much easier to
maneuver and lead them astray. Your words become a kind of elevating drug. The
most anti-seductive form of language is argument. How many silent enemies do we
create by arguing? There is a superior way to get people to listen and be
persuaded: humor and a light touch. The nineteenth- century English politician
Benjamin Disraeli was a master at this game. In Parliament, to fail to reply to
an accusation or slanderous comment was a deadly mistake; silence meant the
accuser was right. Yet to respond angrily, to get into an argument, was to look
ugly and defensive. Disraeli used a different tactic: he stayed calm. When the
time came to reply to an attack, he would slowly make his way to the speaker's
table, pause, then utter a humorous or sarcastic retort. Everyone would laugh.
Now that he had warmed people up, he would proceed to refute his enemy, still
mixing in amusing comments; or perhaps he would simply move on to another
subject, as if he were above it all. His humor took out the sting of any attack
on him. Laughter and applause have a domino effect: once your listeners have
laughed, they are more likely to laugh again. In this lighthearted mood they are
also more apt to listen. A subtle touch and a bit of irony give you room to
persuade them, move them to your side, mock your enemies. That is the seductive
form of argument. Shortly after the murder of Julius Caesar, the head of the
band of conspirators who had killed him, Brutus, addressed an angry mob. He
tried to reason with the crowd, explaining that he had wanted to save the Roman
Republic from dictatorship. The people were momentarily convinced- yes, Brutus
seemed a decent man. Then Mark Antony took the stage, and he in turn delivered
a eulogy for Caesar. He seemed overwhelmed with emotion. He talked of his love
for Caesar, and of Caesar's love for the Roman people. He mentioned Caesar's
will; the crowd clamored to hear it, but Antony said no, for if he read it they
would know how deeply Caesar had loved them, and how dastardly this murder was.
The crowd again insisted he read the will; insteadheheld up Caesar's
bloodstained cloak, noting its rents and tears. This was where Brutus had
stabbed the great general, he said; Cassius had stabbed him here. Then finally
he read the will, which Use the Demonic Power of Words to Sow Confusion • 261
told how much wealth Caesar had left to the Roman people. This was the coup de
grace-the crowd turned against the conspirators and went off to lynch them.
Antony was a clever man, who knew how to stir a crowd. According to the Greek
historian Plutarch, "When he saw that his oratory had cast a spell over
the people and that they were deeply stirred by his words, he began to
introduce into his praises [of Caesar] a note of pity and of indignation at
Caesar's fate." Seductive language aims at people's emotions, for
emotional people are easier to deceive. Antony used various devices to stir the
crowd: a tremor in his voice, a distraught and then an angry tone. An emotional
voice has an immediate, contagious effect on the listener. Antony also teased
the crowd with the will, holding off the reading of it to the end, knowing it
would push people over the edge. Holding up the cloak, he made his imagery
visceral. Perhaps you are not trying to whip a crowd into a frenzy; you just
want to bring people over to your side. Choose your strategy and words
carefully. You might think it is better to reason with people, explain your ideas.
But it is hard for an audience to decide whether an argument is reasonable as
they listen to you talk. They have to concentrate and listen closely, which
requires great effort. People are easily distracted by other stimuli, and if
they miss a part of your argument, they will feel confused, intellectually
inferior, and vaguely insecure. It is more persuasive to appeal to people's
hearts than their heads. Everyone shares emotions, and no one feels inferior to
a speaker who stirs up their feelings. The crowd bonds together, everyone
contagiously experiencing the same emotions. Antony talked of Caesar as if he
and the listeners were experiencing the murder from Caesar's point of view.
What could be more provocative? Use such changes of perspective to make your
listeners feel what you are saying. Orchestrate your effects. It is more
effective to move from one emotion to another than to just hit one note. The
contrast between Antony's affection for Caesar and his indignation at the
murderers was much more powerful than if he had stayed with one feeling or the
other. The emotions you are trying to arouse should be strong ones. Do not
speak of friendship and disagreement; speak of love and hate. And it is crucial
to try to feel something of the emotions you are trying to elicit. You
willbemorebelievablethat way. This should not be difficult: imagine the reasons
for loving or hating before you speak. If necessary, think of something from
your past that fills you with rage. Emotions are contagious; it is easier to make
someone cry if you are crying yourself. Make your voice an instrument, and
train it to communicate emotion. Learn to seem sincere. Napoleon studied the
greatest actors of his time, and when he was alone he would practice putting
emotion into his voice. The goal of seductive speech is often to create a kind
of hypnosis: you are distracting people, lowering their defenses, making them
more vulnerable to suggestion. Learn the hypnotist's lessons of repetition and
affirmation, key elements in putting a subject to sleep. Repetition involves
using 262 the same words over and over, preferably a word with emotional
content: "taxes," "liberals," "bigots." The
effect is mesmerizing-ideas can be permanently implanted in people's unconscious
simply by being repeated often enough. Affirmation is simply the making of
strong positive statements, like the hypnotist's commands. Seductive language
should have a kind of boldness, which will cover up a multitude of sins. Your
audience will be so caught up in your bold language that they won't have time
to reflect on whether or not it is true. Never say "I don't think the
other side made awise decision"; say "We deserve better," or
"They have made a mess of things." Affirmative language is active language,
full of verbs, imperatives, and short sentences. Cut out "I believe,"
"Perhaps," "In my opinion." Head straight for the heart.
You are learning to speak a different kind of language. Most people employ
symbolic language-their words stand for something real, the feelings, ideas, and
beliefs they really have. Or they stand for concrete things in the real world.
(The origin of the word "symbolic" lies in a Greek word meaning
"to bring things together"-in this case, a word and something real.)
As a seducer you are using the opposite: diabolic language. Your words do not
stand for anything real; their sound, and the feelings they evoke, are more
important than what they are supposed to stand for. (The word
"diabolic" ultimately means to separate, to throw things apart-here,
words and reality.) The more you make people focus on your sweet-sounding
language, and on the illusions and fantasies it conjures, the more you diminish
their contact with reality. You lead them into the clouds, where it is hard to
distinguish truth from untruth, real from unreal. Keep your words vague and
ambiguous, so people are never quite sure what you mean. Envelop them in
demonic, diabolical language and they will notbe able to focus on your
maneuvers, on the possible consequences of your seduction. And the more they
lose themselves in illusion, the easier it will be to lead them astray and
seduce them. Symbol: The Clouds. In the clouds it is hard to see the exact
forms of things. Everything seems vague; the imagination runs wild, seeing
things that are not there. Your words must lift people into the clouds, where
it is easy for them to lose their way. Use the Demonic Power of Words to Sow
Confusion • 263 Reversal D o not confuse flowery language with seduction: in
using flowery language you run the risk of wearing on people's nerves, of
seeming pretentious. Excess verbiage is a sign of selfishness, of your
inability to rein in your natural tendencies. Often with language, less is
more; the elusive, vague, ambiguous phrase leaves the listener more room for
imagination than does a sentence full of bombast and self-indulgence. You must
always think first of your targets, and of what will be pleasant to their ears.
There will be many times when silence is best. What you do not say can be
suggestive and eloquent, making you seem mysterious. In the eleventh-century
Japanese court diary The Pillow Book ofSei Shonagon, the counselor Yoshichika
is intrigued by a lady he sees in a carriage, silent and beautiful. He sends
her a note, and she sends one back; he is the only one to read it, but by his
reaction everyone can tell it is in bad taste, or badly written. It spoils the
effect of her beauty. Shonagon writes, "I have heard people suggest that
no reply at all is better than a bad one." If you are not eloquent, if you
cannot master seductive language, at least learn to curb your tongue-use
silence to cultivate an enigmatic presence. Finally, seduction has a pace and
rhythm. In phase one, you are cautious indirect. It is often best to disguise
your intentions, to put your target at ease with deliberately neutral words.
Your conversation should be harmless, even a bit bland. In this second phase,
you turn more to the attack; this is the time for seductive language. Now when
you envelop them in your seductive words and letters, it comes as a pleasant
surprise. It gives them the immensely pleasing feeling that they are the ones
to suddenly inspire you with such poetry and intoxicating words. 11 Pay
Attention to Detail Lofty words and grand gestures can be suspi: why are you
trying so hard to please? The details of a seduction-the subtle gestures, the
offhand things you do - are often more charming and revealing. You must learn
to distract your victims with a myriad of pleasant little rituals-thoughtful
gifts tailored just for them, clothes and adornments designed to please them,
gestures that show the time and attention you are paying them. All of their
senses are engaged in the details you orchestrate. Create spectacles to dazzle
their eyes; mesmerized by what they see, they will not notice what you are
really up to. Learn to suggest the proper feelings and moods through details.
The Mesmerizing Effect I n December 1898, the wives of the seven major Western
ambassadors to China received a strange invitation: the sixty-three-year-old
Empress Dowager Tzu Hsi was hosting a banquet in their honor in the Forbidden
City in Beijing. The ambassadors themselves had been quite displeased with the
empress dowager, for several reasons. She was a Manchu, a race of northerners
who had conquered China in the early seventeenth century, establishing the
Ching Dynasty and ruling the country for nearly three hundred years. By the
1890s, the Western powers had begun to carve up parts of China, a country they
considered backward. They wanted China to modernize, but the Manchus were
conservative, and resisted all reform. Earlier in 1898, the Chinese Emperor
Kuang Hsu, the empress dowager's twenty-seven-year-old nephew, had actually
begun a series of reforms, with the blessings of the West. Then, one hundred
days into this period of reform, word reached the Western diplomats from the
Forbidden City that the emperor wasquiteill, and that the empress dowager had
taken power. They suspected foul play; the empress had probably acted to stop
the reforms. The emperor was being mistreated, probably poisoned- perhaps he
was already dead. When the seven ambassadors' wives were preparing for their
unusual visit, their husbands warned them: Do not trust the empress dowager. A
wily woman with a cruel streak, she had risen from obscurity to become the
concubine of a previous emperor and had managed over the years to accumulate
great power. Far more than the emperor, she was the most feared person in
China. On the appointed day, the women were borne into the Forbidden City a
procession of sedan chairs carried by court eunuchs in dazzling uniforms. The
women themselves, not to be outdone, wore the latest Western fashions-tight
corsets, long velvet dresses with leg-of-mutton sleeves, billowing petticoats,
tall plumed hats. The residents of the Forbidden City looked at their clothes
in amazement, and particularly at the way their dresses displayed their
prominent bosoms. The wives felt sure they had impressed their hosts. At the
Audience Hall they were greeted by princes and princesses, as well as lower
royalty. The Chinese women were wearing magnificent Manchu costumes with the
traditional high, jewel-encrusted black headdresses; theywerearranged in a
hierarchical order reflected in the color of their dresses, an astounding rainbow
of color. The wives were served tea in the most delicate porcelain cups, then
The barge she sat in, like a burnish'd throne, \Burn'd on the water: the poop
was beaten gold; \ Purple the sails, and so perfumed that \ The winds were
love-sick with them; the oars were silver, \ Which to the tune of flutes kept
stroke, and made \ The water which they beat to follow faster, \ As amorous of
their strokes. For her own person, \ It beggar'd all description: she did lie \
In her pavilion - cloth-of-gold of tissue - \ O'er picturing that Venus where
we see \ The fancy outwork nature: on each side her \ Stood pretty dimpled
boys, like smiling Cupids, \ With divers-colour'd fans, whose wind did seem \
To glow the delicate cheeks which they did cool, \ And what they undid did. . .
. \ Her gentlewomen, like the Nereids, \ So many mermaids, tended her i' the
eyes, \ And made their bends adornings: at the helm \ A seeming mermaid steers:
the silken tackle \ Swell with the touches of those flower-soft hands \ That
yarely frame the office. From the barge \A strange invisible perfume hits the
sense \ Of the 267 268 adjacent wharfs. The city cast \ Her people out upon
her; and Antony, \ Enthron'd i' the marketplace, did sit alone, \ Whistling to
the air; which, butfor vacancy, \ Hadgone to gaze on Cleopatra too \ And made a
gap in nature. -WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA In the palmy days of
the gay quarters at Edo there was a connoisseur of fashion named Sakakura who
grew intimate with the great courtesan Chitose. This woman was much given to
drinking sake; as a side dish she relished the so-called flower crabs, to be
found in the Mogami River in the East, and these she had pickled in salt for
her enjoyment. Knowing this, Sakakura commissioned a painter of the Kano School
to execute her bamboo crest in powdered gold on the tiny shells of these crabs;
he fixed the price of each painted shell at one rectangular piece of gold, and
presented them to Chitose throughout the year, so that she never lacked for
them. -IHARA SAIKAKU, THE LIFE OF AN AMOROUS WOMAN. AND OTHER WRITINGS,
TRANSLATED BY IVAN MORRIS For such men as have practised love, have ever held
this a sound maxim that there is naught to be compared with a woman in her
clothes. Again when you reflect how a man doth brave, rumple, squeeze and make
light of his lady's finery, and how he doth were escorted into the presence of
the empress dowager. The sight took their breath away. The empress was seated
on the Dragon Throne, which was studded with jewels. She wore heavily brocaded
robes, a magnificent headdress bearing diamonds, pearls, andjade, and an
enormous necklace of perfectly matched pearls. She was a tiny woman, but on the
throne, in that dress, she seemed a giant. She smiled at the ladies with much
warmth and sincerity. To their relief, seated below her on a smaller throne was
her nephew the emperor. He looked pale, but he greeted them enthusiastically
and seemed in good spirits. Maybe he was indeed simply ill. The empress shook
the hand of each of the women. As she did so, an attendant eunuch handed her a
large gold ring set with a large pearl, which she slipped onto each woman's
hand. After this introduction, the wives were escorted into another room, where
they again took tea, and then were led into a banqueting hall, where the
empress now sat on a chair of yellow satin-yellow being the imperial color. She
spoke to them for a while; she had a beautiful voice. (It was said that her
voice could literally charm birds out of trees.) At the end of the
conversation, she took the hand of each woman again, and with much emotion,
told them, "One family-all one family." The women then saw a
performance in the imperial theater. Finally the empress received them one last
time. She apologized for the performance they had just seen, which was
certainly inferior to what they wereusedto in the West. There was one more
round of tea, and this time, as the wife of the American ambassador reported
it, the empress "stepped forward and tipped each cup of tea to her own
lips and took a sip, then lifted the cup on the other side, to our lips, and
said again, 'One family-all one family' " The women were given more gifts,
then were escorted back to their sedan chairs and borne out of the Forbidden
City. The women relayed to their husbands their earnest belief that they had
all been wrong about the empress. The American ambassador's wife reported,
"She was bright and happy and her face glowed with good will. There was no
trace of cruelty to be seen. . . . Her actions were full of freedom and warmth.
. . . [We left] full of admiration for her majesty and hopes for China."
The husbands reported back to their governments: the emperor was fine, and the
empress could be trusted. Interpretation. The foreign contingent in China had
no idea what was really happening in the Forbidden City. In truth, the emperor
had conspired to arrest and possibly murder his aunt. Discovering the plot, a
terrible crime in Confucian terms, she forced him to sign his own abdication,
had him confined, and told the outside world that he was ill. As part of his
punishment, he was to appear at state functions and act as if nothing had
happened. The empress dowager loathed Westerners, whom she considered
barbarians. She disliked the ambassadors' wives, with their ugly fashions and
simpering ways. The banquet was a show, a seduction, to appease the West- Pay
Attention to Detail • 269 ern powers, which had been threatening invasion if
the emperor had been killed. The goal of the seduction was simple: dazzle the
wives with color, spectacle, theater. The empress applied all her expertise to
the task, and she was a genius for detail. She had designed the spectacles in a
rising order- the uniformed eunuchs first, then the Manchu ladies in their
headdresses, and finally the empress herself. It was pure theater, and it was
overwhelming. Then the empress brought the spectacle down a notch, humanizing
it with gifts, warm greetings, the reassuring presence of the emperor, teas,
and entertainments, which were in no way inferior to anything in the West. She
ended the banquet on another high note-the little drama with the sharing of the
teacups, followed by even more magnificent gifts. The women's heads were
spinning when they left. In truth they had never seen such exotic splendor-and
they never understood how carefully its details had been orchestrated by the
empress. Charmed by the spectacle, they transferred their happy feelings to the
empress and gave her their approvalallthatsherequired.The key to distracting
people (seduction is distraction) is to fill their eyes and ears with details,
little rituals, colorful objects. Detail is what makes things seem real and
substantial. A thoughtful gift won't seem to have an ulterior motive. A ritual
full of charming little actions is so enjoyable to watch. Jewelry, handsome
furnishings, touches of color in clothing, dazzle the eye. It is a childish
weakness of ours: we prefer to focus on the pleasant little details rather than
on the larger picture. The more senses you appeal to, the more mesmerizing the
effect. The objects you use in your seduction (gifts, clothes, etc.) speak
their own language, and it is a powerful one. Never ignore a detail or leave
one to chance. Orchestrate them into a spectacle and no one will notice how
manipulative you are being. The Sensuous Effect O ne day a messenger told
Prince Genji-the aging but still consummate seducer in the Heian court of
late-tenth-century Japan-that one of his youthful conquests had suddenly died,
leaving behind an orphan, a young woman named Tamakazura. Genji was not
Tamakazura s father, but he decided to bring her to court and be her protector
anyway. Soon after her arrival, men of the highest rank began to woo her. Genji
had told everyone she was a lost daughter of his; as a result, they assumed that
she was beautiful, for Genji was the handsomest man in the court. (At the time,
men rarely saw a young girl's face before marriage; in theory, they were
allowed to talk to her only if she was on the other side of a screen.) Genji
showered her with attention, helping her sort through all the love letters she
was receiving and advising her on the right match. As Tamakazura's protector,
Genji was able to see her face, and she was indeed beautiful. He fell in love
with her. What a shame, he thought, to give this lovely creature away to
another man. One night, overwhelmed by work ruin and loss to the grand cloth
ofgold and web of silver, to tinsel and silken stuffs, pearls and precious
stones, 'tis plain how his ardour and satisfaction be increased manifold-far more
than with some simple shepherdess or other woman of like quality, be she as
fair as she may. • And why of yore was Venus found so fair and so desirable, if
not that with all her beauty she was always gracefully attired likewise, and
generally scented, that she did ever smell sweet an hundred paces away? For it
hath ever been held of all how that perfumes be a great incitement to love. •
This is the reason why the Empresses and great dames of Rome did make much
usage of these perfumes, as do likewise our great ladies of France-and above
all those of Spain and Italy, which from the oldest times have been more
curious and more exquisite in luxury than Frenchwomen, as well in perfumes as
in costumes and magnificent attire, whereof thefair ones of France have since
borrowed the patterns and copied the dainty workmanship. Moreover the others,
Italian and Spanish, had learned the samefrom old models and ancient statues of
Roman ladies, the which are to be seen among sundry other antiquities yet
extant in Spain and Italy; the which, if any man will regard them carefully,
will befound very perfect in mode of hair-dressing and fashion of robes, and
very meet to incite love. -SEIGNEUR DE BRANTOME, LIVES OF FAIR & GALLANT
LADIES. TRANSLATED BY A. R. ALLINSON 270 For years after her entry into the
palace, a large number of court-maidens were especially set aside for preparing
Kuei-fei 's dresses, which were chosen and fashioned according to the flowers
of the season. For instance, for New Year (spring) she had blossoms of apricot,
plum and narcissus; for summer, she adopted the lotus; for autumn, she
patterned them after the peony; for winter, she employed the chrysanthemum. Of
jewelry she was fondest of pearls, and the finest products of the world found
their way into her boudoir and were frequently embroidered on her numerous
dresses. • Kuei- fei was the embodiment of all that was lovely and
extravagant.Nowonder that no king, prince, courtier or humble attendant who
ever met her could resist the allurementof her charms. Besides, she was the
most artful of women and knew how to use her natural gifts to the best purpose.
. . . The Emperor Ming Huang, supreme in the land and with thousands of the
most handsome maidens to choose from, became a complete slave to her magnetic
powers . . . spending day and night in her company and giving up his whole
kingdom for her sake. - SHU-CHIUNG, YANG KUEI- FEI: THE MOST FAMOUS BEAUTY OF
CHINA Then [ Pao-yu ] called Bright Design to him and said to her, "Go and
see what [Black Jade ] is doing. If she asks about me, just say that I am quite
all her charms, he held her hand and told her how much she resembled her
mother, whom he once had loved. She trembled-not with excitement, however, but
with fear, for although he was not her father, he was supposed to be her
protector, not a suitor. Her attendants were away and it was a beautiful night.
Genji silently threw off his perfumed robe and pulled her down beside him. She
began to cry, and to resist. Always a gentleman, Genji told her that he would
respect her wishes, he would always care for her, and she had nothing to fear.
He then politely excused himself. Several days later Genji was helping
Tamakazura with her correspon
dence
when he read a love letter from his younger brother. Prince Hotaru, who
numbered among her suitors. In the letter, Hotaru berated Tamakazura for not
letting him get physically close enough to talk to her and tell her his
feelings. Tamakazura had not replied; unused to the manners of the court, she
had felt shy and intimidated. As if to help her, Genji got one of his servants
to write to Hotaru in her name. The letter, written on beautiful perfumed
paper, warmly invited the prince to visit her. Hotaru appeared at the appointed
hour. He smelled a beguiling incense, mysterious and seductive. (Mixed into
this scent was Genji's own perfume.) The prince felt a wave of excitement.
Approaching the screen behind which Tamakazura sat, he confessed his love for
her. Without making a sound, she retreated to another screen, farther away.
Suddenly there was a flash of light, as if a torch had flared up, and Hotaru
saw her profile behind the screen: she was more beautiful than he had imagined.
Two things delighted the prince: the sudden, mysterious flash of light, and the
brief glimpse of his beloved. Now he was truly in love. Hotaru began to court
her assiduously. Meanwhile, feeling reassured that Genji was no longer chasing
her, Tamakazura saw her protector more often. And now she could not help
noticing little details: Genji's robes seemed to glow, in pleasing and vibrant
colors, as if dyed by unworldly hands. Hotaru's robes seemed drab by
comparison. And the perfumes burned into Genji's garments, how intoxicating
they were. No one else bore such a scent. Hotaru's letters were polite and well
written, but the letters Genji sent her were on magnificent paper, perfumed and
dyed, and they quoted lines of poetry, always surprising yet always appropriate
for the occasion. Genji also grew and gathered flowers-wild carnations, for
instance-that he gave as gifts and that seemed to symbolize his unique charm.
One evening Genji proposed to teach Tamakazura how to play the koto. She was
delighted. She loved to read romance novels, and whenever Genji played the
koto, she felt as if she were transported into one of her books. No one played
the instrument better than Genji; she would be honored to leam from him. Now he
saw her often, and the method of his lessons was simple: she would choose a
song for him to play, and then would try to imitate him. After they played,
they would lie down side by side, their heads resting on the koto, staring up
at the moon. Genji would have torches set up in the garden, giving the view the
softest glow. The more Tamakazura saw of the court-of Prince Hotaru, the other
Pay Attention to Detail • 271 suitors, the emperor himself-themore she realized
that none could compare to Genji. He was supposed to be her protector, yes,
that was still true, but was it such a sin to fall in love with him? Confused,
she found herself giving in to the caresses and kisses that he began to
surprise her with, now that she was too weak to resist. Interpretation. Genji
is the protagonist in the eleventh-century novel The Tale of Genji, written by
Murasaki Shikibu, a woman of the Heian court. The character was most likely
inspired by the real-life seducer Fujiwara no Korechika. In his seduction of
Tamakazura, Genji's strategy was simple: he would make her realize indirectly
how charming and irresistible he was by surrounding her with unspoken details.
He also brought her in contact with his brother; comparison with this drab,
stiff figure would make Genji's superiority clear. The night Hotaru first
visited her, Genji set everything up, as if to support Hotaru's seducing-the
mysterious scent, then the flash of light by the screen. (The light came from a
novel effect: earlier in the evening, Genji had collected hundreds of fireflies
in a cloth bag. At the proper moment he let them all go at once.) But when
Tamakazura saw Genji encouraging Hotaru's pursuit of her, her defenses against
her protector relaxed, allowing her senses to be filled by this master of
seductive effects. Genji orchestrated every possible detail-the scented paper,
the colored robes, the lights in the garden, the wild carnations, the apt
poetry, the koto lessons which induced an irresistible feeling of harmony.
Tamakazura found herself dragged into a sensual whirlpool. Bypassing the
shyness and mistrust that words or actions would only have worsened, Genji
surrounded his ward with objects, sights, sounds, and scents that symbolized
the pleasure of his company far more than his actual physical presence would
have-in fact his presence could only have been threatening. He knew that a
young girl's senses are her most vulnerable point. The key to Genji's masterful
orchestration of detail was his attention to the target of his seduction. Like
Genji, you must attune your own senses to your targets, watching them
carefully, adapting to their moods. You sense when they are defensive and
retreat. You also sense when they are giving in, and move forward. In between,
the details you set up-gifts, entertainments, the clothes you wear, the flowers
you choose-are aimed precisely at their tastes and predilections. Genji knew he
was dealing with a young girl who loved romantic novels; his wild flowers, koto
playing, and poetry brought their world to life for her. Attend to your
targets' every move and desire, and reveal your attentiveness in the details
and objects you surround them with, filling their senses with the mood you need
to inspire. They can argue with your words, but not with the effect you have on
their senses. right now. " • "You'll have to think of a better excuse
than that," Bright Design said. "Isn't there anything that you can
send or want to borrow? I don't want to go there and feel like a fool without
anything to say. " • Pao-yu thought for a moment and then took two
handkerchiefs from under his pillow and gave them to the maid, saying,
"Well then, tell her that I sent you with these," • "What a
strange present to send" the maid smiled. "What does she want two old
handkerchiefs for? She will be angry again and say that you are trying to make
fun of her." • "Don't worry" Pao-yu assured her. "She will
understand." • Black Jade had already retired when Bright Design arrived
at the Bamboo Retreat. "What brought you at this hour?" Black Jade
asked. • "[Pao-yu] asked me to bring these handkerchiefs for [Black
Jade]." • For a moment Black Jade was at a loss to see why Pao-yu should
send her such a present at that particular moment. She said, "I suppose
they must be something unusual that somebody gave him. Tell him to keep them
himself or give them to someone who will appreciate them. I have no need of
them." • "They are nothing unusual," Bright Design said.
"Just twoordinaryhandkerchiefs that he happened to have around. "
Black Jade was even more puzzled, and then it suddenly dawned upon her: Pao-yu
knew that she would weep for him and so sent two handkerchiefs of his own. •
"You can leave them, then," she said to Bright Design, who in turn
was272 surprised that Black Jade did not take offense at what seemed to her a
crude joke. • As Black Jade thought over the significance of the handkerchiefs
she was happy and sad by turns: happy because Pao- yu read her innermost
thoughts and sad because she wondered if what was uppermost in her thoughts
would ever befulfdled. Thinking thus to herself of the future and of the past,
she could notfall asleep. Despite Purple Cuckoo's remonstrances, she had her
lamp relit and began to compose a series of quatrains, writing them directly on
the handkerchiefs which Pao-yu had sent. - TSAO HSUEH CHIN, DREAM OF THE RED
CHAMBER , TRANSLATED BY CHI-CHEN WANG Therefore in my view when the courtier
wishes to declare his love he should do so by his actions rather than by
speech, for a man's feelings are sometimes more clearly revealed by ... a
gesture of respect or a certain shyness than by volumes of words. ^BALDASSARE
CASTIGLIONE Keys to Seduction W hen we were children, our senses were much more
active. The colors of a new toy, or a spectacle such as a circus, held us in
thrall; a smell or a sound could fascinate us. In the games we created, many of
them reproducing something in the adult world on a smaller scale, what pleasure
we took in orchestrating every detail. We noticed everything. As we grow older
our senses get dulled. We no longer notice as much, for we are constantly
hurrying to get things done, to move on to the next task. In seduction, you are
always trying to bring the target back to the golden moments of childhood. A
child is less rational, more easily deceived. A child is also more attuned to
the pleasures of the senses. So when your targets are with you, you must never
give them the feeling they normally get in the real world, where we are all
rushed, ruthless, out for ourselves. You need to deliberately slow things down,
and return them to the simpler times of their youth. The details that you
orchestrate-colors, gifts, little ceremonies-are aimed at their senses, at the
childish delight we take in the immediate charms of the natural world. Their
senses filled with delightful things, they grow less capable of reason and
rationality. Pay attention to detail and you will find yourself assuming a
slower pace; your targets will not focus on what you might be after (sexual
favors, power, etc.) because you seem so considerate,soattentive.In the
childish realm of the senses in which you envelop them, they get a clear sense
that you are involving them in something distinct from the real world-an
essential ingredient of seduction. Remember: the more you get people to focus
on the little things, the less they will notice your larger direction. The
seduction will assume the slow, hypnotic pace of a ritual, in which the details
have a heightened importance and the moments are full of ceremony. In
eighth-century China, Emperor Ming Huang caught a glimpse of a beautiful young
woman, combing her hair beside an imperial pool. Her name was Yang Kuei-fei,
and even though she was the concubine of the emperor's son, he had to have her
for himself. Since he was emperor, nobody could stop him. The emperor was a
practical man-he had many concubines, and they all had their charms, but he had
never lost his head over a woman. Yang Kuei-fei, though, was different. Her
body exuded the most wonderful fragrance. She wore gowns made of the sheerest
silk gauze, each embroidered with different flowers, depending on the season.
In walking she seemed to float, her tiny steps invisible beneath her gown. She
Pay Attention to Detail• 273 danced to perfection, wrote songs in Ms honor that
she sang magmficently, had a way of looking at him that made Ms blood boil with
desire.She quickly became Ms favorite. Yang Kuei-fei drove the emperor to
distraction. He built palaces for her, spent all Ms time with her, satisfied
her every whim. Before long Ms kingdom was bankrupt and ruined. Yang Kuei-fei
was an artful seductress who had a devastating effect on all of the men who
crossed her path. There were so many ways her presence charmed-the scents, the
voice, the movements, the witty conversation, the artful glances, the
embroidered gowns. These pleasurable details turned a mighty king into a
distracted baby. Since time immemorial, women have known that within the most apparently
self-possessed man is an animal whom they can lead by filling Ms senses with
the proper physical lures. The key is to attack on as many fronts as possible.
Do not ignore your voice, your gestures, your walk, your clothes, your glances.
Some of the most alluring women in history have so distracted their victims
with sensual detail that the men fail to notice it is all an illusion. From the
1940s on into the early 1960s, Pamela Churchill Harriman had a series of
affairs with some of the most prominent and wealthy men in the world-Averill
Harriman (whom years later she married), Gianni Agnelli (heir to the Fiat
fortune), Baron Elie de Rothschild. What attracted these men, and kept them in
tMall, was not her beauty or her lineage or her vivacious personality, but her
extraordinary attention to detail. It began with her attentive look as she
listened to your every word, soaking up your tastes. Once she found her way
into your home, she would fill it with your favorite flowers, get your chef to
cook that dish you had tasted only in the finest restaurants. You mentioned an
artist you liked? A few days later that artist would be attending one of your
parties. She found the perfect antiques for you, dressed in the way that most
pleased or excited you, and she did this without your saying a word-she spied,
gathered information from third parties, overheard you talking to someone else.
Harriman's attention to detail had an intoxicating effect on all the men in her
life. It had something in common with the pampering of a mother, there to bring
order and comfort into their lives, attending to their needs. Life is harsh and
competitive. Attending to detail in a way that is soothing to the other person
makes them dependent upon you. The key is probing their needs in a way that is
not too obvious, so that when you make precisely the right gesture, it seems
uncanny, as if you had read their mind. This is another way of returning your
targets to childhood, when all of their needs were met. In the eyes of women
all over the world, Rudolph Valentino reigned as the Great Lover through much
of the 1920s. The qualities behind Ms appeal certainly included Ms handsome,
almost pretty face, Ms dancing skills, the strangely exciting streak of cruelty
in Ms manner. But his perhaps most endearing trait was his time-consuming
approach to courtship. His films would show him seducing a woman slowly, with
careful details- sending her flowers (choosing the variety to match the mood he
wanted to 274 The Art of Seduction induce), taking her hand, lighting her
cigarette, escorting her to romantic places, leading her on the dance floor.
These were silent movies, and his audiences never got to hear him speak-it was
all in his gestures. Men came to hate him, for their wives and girlfriends now
expected the slow, careful Valentino treatment. Valentino had a feminine
streak; it was said that he wooed a woman the way another woman would. But
femininity need not figure in this approach to seduction. In the early 1770s,
Prince Gregory Potemkin began an affair with Empress Catherine the Great of
Russia that was to last many years. Potemkin was a manly man, and not at all
handsome. But he managed to win the empress's heart by the many little things
he did, and continued to do long after the affair had begun. He spoiled her
with wonderful gifts, never tired of writing her long letters, arranged for all
kinds of entertainments forher, composed songs to her beauty. Yet he would
appear before her barefoot, hair uncombed, clothes wrinkled. There was no kind of
fussiness in his attention, which, however, did make it clear he would go to
the ends of the earth for her. A woman's senses are more refined than a man's;
to a woman, Yang Kuei-fei's overt sensual appeal would seem too hurried and
direct. What that means, though, is that all the man really has to do is take
it slowly, making seduction a ritual full of all kinds of little things he has
to do for his target. If he takes his time, he will have her eating out of his
hand. Everything in seduction is a sign, and nothing more so than clothes. It
is not that you have to dress interestingly, elegantly, or provocatively, but
that you have to dress for your target-have to appeal to your target's tastes.
When Cleopatra was seducing Mark Antony, her dress was not brazenly sexual; she
dressed as a Greek goddess, knowing his weakness for such fantasy figures.
Madame de Pompadour, the mistress of King Louis XV, knew the king's weakness,
his chronic boredom; she constantly wore different clothes, changing not only
their color but their style, supplying the king with a constant feast for his
eyes. Pamela Harriman was subdued in the fashions she wore, befitting her role
as a high-society geisha and reflecting the sober tastes of the men she
seduced. Contrast works well here; at work or at home, you might dress
nonchalantly-Marilyn Monroe, for example, wore jeans and a T-shirt at home-but
when you are with the target you wear something elaborate, as if you were
putting on a costume. Your Cinderella transformation will stir excitement, and
the feeling that you have done somethingjust for the person you are with.
Whenever your attention is individualized (you would not dress like that for
anyone else), it is infinitely more seductive. In the 1870s, Queen Victoria
found herself wooed by Benjamin Disraeli, her own prime minister. Disraeli's
words were flattering and his manner insinuating; he also sent her flowers,
valentines, gifts-but not just any flowers or gifts, the kind that most men
would send. The flowers were primroses, symbols of their simple yet beautiful
friendship. From then on, whenever Victoria saw a primrose she thought of
Disraeli. Or he would Pay Attention to Detail • 275 write on a valentine that
he, "no longer in the sunset, but the twilight of his existence, must encounter
a life of anxiety and toil; but this, too, has its romance, when he remembers
that he labors for the most gracious of beings!" Or he might send her a
little box, with no inscription, but with a heart transfixed by an arrow on one
side and the word "Fideliter," or "Faithfully,"onthe other.
Victoria fell in love with Disraeli. A gift has immense seductive power, but
the object itself is less important than the gesture, and the subtle thought or
emotion that it communicates. Perhaps the choice relates to something from the
target's past, or symbolizes something between you, or merely represents the
lengths you will go to to please. It was not the money Disraeli spent that
impressed Victoria, but the time he took to find the appropriate thing or make the
appropriate gesture. Expensive gifts have no sentiment attached; they may
temporarily excite their recipient but they are quickly forgotten, as a child
forgets a new toy. The object that reflects its giver's attentiveness has a
lingering sentimental power, which resurfaces every time its owner sees it. In
1919, the Italian writer and war hero Gabriele D'Annunzio managed to put
together a band of followers and take over the town of Fiume, on the Adriatic
coast (now part of Slovenia). They established their own government there,
which lasted for over a year. D'Annunzio initiated a series of public
spectacles that were to be immensely influential on politicians elsewhere. He
would address the public from a balcony overlooking the town's main square,
which would be full of colorful banners, flags, pagan religious symbols, and,
at night, torches. The speeches would be followed by processions. Although
D'Annunzio was not at all a Fascist, what he did in Fiume crucially affected
Benito Mussolini, who borrowed his Roman salutes, his use of symbols, his mode
of public address. Spectacles like these have been used since then by
governments everywhere, even democratic ones. Their overall impression may be
grand, but it is the orchestrated details that make them work-the number of
senses they appeal to, the variety of emotions they stir. You are aiming to
distract people, and nothing is more distracting than a wealth of
detail-fireworks, flags, music, uniforms, marching soldiers, the feel of the
crowd packed together. It becomes difficult to think straight, particularly if
the symbols and details stir up patriotic emotions. Finally, words are
important in seduction, and have a great deal of power to confuse, distract,
and boost the vanity of the target. But what is most seductive in the long run
is what you do not say, what you communicate indirectly. Words come easily, and
people distrust them. Anyone can say the right words; and once they are said,
nothing is binding, and they may even be forgotten altogether. The gesture, the
thoughtful gift, the little details seem much more real and substantial. They
are also much more charming than lofty words about love, precisely because they
speak for
themselves
and let the seduced read into them more than is there. Never tell someone what
you are feeling; let them guess it in your looks and gestures. That is the more
convincing language. 276 Symbol: The Banquet. A feast has been prepared in your
honor. Everything has been elaborately coordinated-the flowers, the
decorations, the selection of guests, the dancers, the music, the five-course
meal, the endlessly flowing wine. The Banquet loosens your tongue, and also
your inhibitions. Reversal T here is no reversal. Details are essential to any
successful seduction, and cannot be ignored. 12 Poeticize Your Presence
Important things happen when your targets are alone: the slightestfeeling of
relief that you are not there, and it is all over. Familiarity and overexposure
will cause this reaction. Remain elusive, then, so that when you are away, they
will yearn to see you again, and will associate you only with pleasant
thoughts. Occupy their minds by alternating an exciting presence with a cool
distance, exuberant moments followed by calculated absences. Associate yourself
with poetic images and objects, so that when they think ofyou, they begin to
see you through an idealized halo. The more you figure in their minds, the more
they will envelop you in seductive fantasies. Feed these fantasies by subtle
inconsistencies and changes inyour behavior. Poetic Presence/Absence I n 1943,
the Argentine military overthrew the government. A popular forty-eight-year old
colonel, Juan Peron, was named secretary of labor and social affairs. Peron was
a widow who had a fondness for young girls; at the time of his appointment he
was involved with a teenager whom he introduced to one and all as his daughter.
One evening in January of 1944, Peron was seated among the other military
leaders in a Buenos Aires stadium, attending an artists' festival. It was late and
there were some empty seats around him; out of nowhere two beautiful young
actresses asked his permission to sit down. Were they joking? He would be
delighted. He recognized one of the actresses-it was Eva Duarte, a star of
radio soap operas whose photograph was often on the covers of the tabloids. The
other actress was younger and prettier, but Peron could not take his eyes off
Eva, who was talking to another colonel. She was really not his type at all.
She was twenty-four, far too old for his taste; she was dressed rather
garishly; and there was something a little icy in her manner. But she looked at
him occasionally, and her glance excited him. He looked away for a moment, and
the next thing he knew she had changed seats and was sitting next to him. They
started to talk. She hung on his every word. Yes, everything he said was
precisely how she felt-the poor, the workers, they were the future of
Argentina. She had known poverty herself. There were almost tears in her eyes
when she said, at the end of the conversation, "Thank you for
existing." In the next few days, Eva managed to get rid of Peron's
"daughter" and establish herself in his apartment. Everywhere he
turned, there she was, fixing him meals, caring for him when he was ill,
advising him on politics. Why did he let her stay? Usually he would have a
fling with a superficial young girl, then get rid of her when she seemed to be
sticking around too much. But there was nothing superficial about Eva. As time
went by he found himself getting addicted to the feeling she gave him. She was
intensely loyal, mirroring his every idea, puffing him up endlessly. He felt
more masculine in her presence, that was it, and more powerful-she believed he
would make the country's ideal leader, and her belief affected him. She was
like the women in the tango ballads he loved so much-the suffering women of the
streets who became saintly mother figures and looked after their men. Peron saw
her every day, but he never felt he fully knew her; one day her comments were a
little obscene, the next she was He who does not know how to encircle a girl so
that she loses sight of everything he does not
want
her to see, he who does not know how to poetize himself into a girl so that it
isfrom her that everything proceeds as he wants it-he is and remains a bungler.
. . . To poetize oneself into a girl is an art. -S0REN KIERKEGAARD, THE
SEDUCER'S DIARY. TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. HONG; AND EDNA H. HONG; What else? If
she's out, reclining in her litter, \ Make your approach discreet, \ And-just
to fox the sharp ears of those around you - \ Cleverly riddle each phrase \
With ambiguous subtleties. If she's taking a leisurely \ Stroll down the
colonnade, then you stroll there too - \ Vary your pace to hers, march ahead,
drop behind her, \ Dawdling and brisk by turns. Be bold, \ Dodge in round the
columns between you, brush your person \ Lingeringly past hers. You must never
fail \ 279 280 To attend the theater when she does, gaze at her beauty - \ From
the shoulders up she's time \ Most delectably spent, a feast for adoring
glances, \ For the eloquence of eyebrows, the speaking sign. \ Applaud when
some male dancer struts on as the heroine, \ Cheer for each lover's role. \
When she leaves, leave too-but sit there as long as she does: \ Waste time at
your mistress's whim. . . . \ Get her accustomed to you; \ Habit's the key,
spare no pains till that's achieved. \ Let her always see you around, always
hear you talking, \ Showher your face night and day. \ When you're confident
you'll be missed, when your absence \ Seems sure to cause her regret, \ Then
give her some respite: a field improves when fallow, \ Parched soil soaks up
the rain. \ Demophoon 's presence gave Phyllis no more than mild excitement; \
It was his sailing caused arson in her heart. \ Penelope was racked by crafty
Ulysses's absence, \ Protesilaus, abroad, made Laodameia burn. \ Short partings
do best, though: time wears out affections, \ The absent lovefades, a new one
takes its place. \ With Menelaus away, Helen's disinclination for sleeping \
Alone led her into her guest's \ Warm bed at night. Were you crazy, Menelaus? -
OVID, THE ART OF LOVE. TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN Concerning the Birth of Love •
Here is what happens in the soul: • 1. Admiration. • 2. You think, "Mow
delightful it the perfect lady. He had one worry: she was angling to get
married, and he could never marry her-she was an actress with a dubious past.
The other colonels were already scandalized by his involvement with her.
Nevertheless, the affair went on. In 1945, Peron was dismissed from his post
and jailed. The colonels feared his growing popularity and distrusted the power
of his mistress, who seemed to have total influence over him. It was the first
time in almost two years that he was truly alone, and truly separated from Eva.
Suddenly he felt new emotions sweeping over him: he pinned her photographs all
over the wall. Outside, massive strikes were being organized to protest his
imprisonment, but all he could think about was Eva. She was a saint, a woman of
destiny, a heroine. He wrote to her, "It is only being apart from loved
ones that we can measure our affection. From the day I left you ... I have not
been able to calm my sad heart. . . . My immense solitude is full of your
memory." Now he promised to marry her. The strikes grew in intensity.
After eight days, Peron was released from prison; he promptly married Eva. A
few months later he was elected president. As first lady, Eva attended state
functions in her somewhat gaudy dresses andjewelry; she was seen as a former
actress with a large wardrobe. Then, in 1947, she left for a tour of Europe,
and Argentines followed her every move-the ecstatic crowds that greeted her in
Spain, her audience with the pope-and in her absence their opinion of her
changed. How well she represented the Argentine spirit, its noble simplicity,
its flair for drama. When she returned a few weeks later, they overwhelmed her
with attention. Eva too had changed during her trip to Europe: now her dyed
blond hair was pulled into a severe chignon, and she wore tailored suits. It
was a serious look, befitting a woman who was to become the savior of the poor.
Soon her image could be seen everywhere-her initials on the walls, the sheets,
the towels of the hospitals for the poor; her profile on the jerseys of a
soccer team from the poorest part of Argentina, whose club she sponsored; her
giant smiling face covering the sides of buildings. Since finding out anything
personal about her had become impossible, all kinds of elaborate fantasies
began to spring up about her. And when cancer cut her life short, in 1952, at
the age of thirty-three (the age of Christ when he died), the country went into
mourning. Millions filed past her embalmed body. She was no longer a radio
actress, a wife, a first lady, but Evita, a saint. Interpretation. Eva Duarte
was an illegitimate child who had grown up in poverty, escaped to Buenos Aires
to become an actress, and been forced to do many tawdry things to survive and
get ahead in the theater world. Her dream was to escape all of the constraints
on her future, for she was intensely ambitious. Peron was the perfect victim.
He imagined himself a great leader, but the reality was that he was fast
becoming a lecherous old man who was too weak to raise himself up. Eva injected
poetry into his Poeticize Your Presence • 281 life. Her language was florid and
theatrical; she surrounded him with attention, indeed to the point of
suffocation, but a woman's dutiful service to a great man was a classic image,
and was celebrated in innumerable tango ballads. Yet she managed to remain
elusive, mysterious, like a movie star you see all the time on the screen but
never really know. And when Peron was finally alone, in prison, these poetic
images and associations burst forth in his mind. He idealized her madly; as far
as he was concerned, she was no longer an actress with a tawdry past. She
seduced an entire nation the same way. The secret was her dramatic poetic
presence, combined with a touch of elusive distance; over time, you would see whatever
you wanted to in her. To this day people fantasize about what Eva was really
like. Familiarity destroys seduction. This rarely happens early on; there is so
much to leam about a new person. But a midpoint may arrive when the target has
begun to idealize and fantasize about you, only to discover that you are not
what he or she thought. It is not a question of being seen too often, of being
too available, as some imagine. In fact, if your targets see you too rarely,
you give them nothing to feed on, and their attention may be caught by someone
else; you have to occupy their mind. It is more a matter of being too
consistent, too obvious, too human and real. Your targets cannot idealize you
if they know too much about you, if they start to see you as all too human. Not
only must you maintain a degree of distance, but there must be something
fantastical and bewitching about you, sparking all kinds of delightful
possibilities in their mind. The possibility Eva held out was the possibility
that she was what in Argentine culture was considered the ideal woman-devoted,
motherly, saintly-but there are any number of poetic ideals you can try to
embody. Chivalry, adventure, romance, and so on, are just as potent, and if you
have a whiff of them about you, you can breathe enough poetry into the air to
fill people's minds with fantasies and dreams. At all costs, you must embody
something, even if it is roguery and evil. Anything to avoid the taint of
familiarity and commonness. What I need is a woman who is something, anything;
either very beautiful or very kind or in the last resort very wicked; very
witty or very stupid, but something. -ALFRED DE MUSSET Keys to Seduction W e
all have a self-image that is more flattering than the truth; we think of
ourselves as more generous, selfless, honest, kindly, intelligent, or
good-looking than in fact we are. It is extremely difficult for us to be honest
with ourselves about our own limitations; we have a desperate need to idealize
ourselves. As the writer Angela Carter remarks, we would rather align ourselves
with angels than with the higher primates from which we are actually descended.
would be to kiss her, to be kissed by her," and so on. . . . • 3. Hope.
You observe her perfections, and it is at this moment that a woman really ought
to surrender, for the utmost physical pleasure. Even the most reserved women
blush to the whites of their eyes at this moment of hope. The passion is so
strong, and the pleasure so sharp, that they betray themselves unmistakably. •
4. Love is born. To love is to enjoy seeing, touching, and sensing with all the
senses, as closely as possible, a lovable object which loves in return. • 5.
The first crystallization begins. If you are sure that a woman loves you, it is
a pleasure to endow her with a thousand perfections and to count your blessings
with infinite satisfaction. In the end you overrate wildly, and regard her as
something fallen from Heaven, unknown as yet, but certain to be yours. • Leave
a lover with his thoughts for twenty four hours, and this is what will happen:
• At the salt mines of Salzburg, they throw a leafless wintry bough into one of
the abandoned workings. Two or three months later they haul it out covered with
a shining deposit of crystals. The smallest twig, no bigger than a tom-tit's
claw, is studded with a galaxy of scintillating diamonds. The original branch
is no longer recognizable. • What I have called crystallization is a mental
process which draws from everything that happens new proofs of the perfection
of the loved one. . . . • A man in love sees every perfection in the object of
his love, but his attention is liable to 282 wander after a time because one
gets tired of anything uniform, even perfect happiness. • This is what happens
next to fix the attention: • 6. Doubt creeps in. . . . He is met indifference,
coldness, or even anger if he appears confident. . . . The lover begins to be
less sure the good fortune he was grounds for hope to a critical examination. •
He to recoup by indulging in other pleasures but finds them inane. He is seized
the dread of a frightful calamity and now concentrates fully. Thus : • 7 . The
second , which deposits diamond layers of that "she loves me." •
Every few minutes the night which follows the birth of doubt, the lover has a
moment of dreadful misgiving, and then reassures himself "she loves
me"; and crystallization begins to reveal new charms. Then once again the
haggard eye of doubt pierces him and he This need to idealize extends to our
romantic entanglements, because of ourselves. The choice we make in deciding to
become involved with another person reveals something important and intimate
about us: we seeing ourselves as having fallen for someone whoischeapor tacky
or tasteless, because it reflects badly on who we are. Furthermore, we are
often likely to fall for someone who resembles us in some way. Should that
person be deficient, or worst of all ordinary, then there is something
deficient and ordinary about us. No, at all costs the loved one must be
overvalued and idealized, at least for the sake of our own self-esteem.
Besides, in a world that is harsh and full of disappointment, it is a great
pleasure to be able to fantasize about a person you are involved with. This
makes the seducer's task easy: people are dying to be given the chance to
fantasize about you. Do not spoil this golden opportunity by overexposing
yourself, or becoming so familiar and banal that the target sees you exactly as
you are. You do not have to be an angel, or a paragon of virtue-that would be
quite boring. You can be dangerous, naughty, even somewhat vulgar, depending on
the tastes of your victim. But never be oror limited. In poetry (as opposed to
reality), anything is possible. Soon after we fall under a person's spell, we
form an image in our minds of who they are and what pleasures they might offer.
Thinking of them when we are alone, we tend to make this image more and more
idealized. The novelist Stendhal, in his book On Love, calls this phenomenon
"crystallization," telling the story of how, in Salzburg,Austria,
they used to throw a leafless branch into the abandoned depths of a salt mine
in the middle of winter. When the branch was pulled out months later, it would
be covered with spectacular crystals. That is what happens to a loved one in
minds. stops transfixed. He forgets to draw breath and mutters, "But does
she love me?" Torn between doubt and delight, the poor lover convinces
himself that she could give him such pleasure as he could find nowhere else on
earth. -STENDHAL, LOVE, TRANSLATED BY GILBERT AND SUZANNE SALE Falling in love
automatically tends toward madness. Left to itself it goes to utter extremes.
This is well known by the "conquistadors " of both sexes. Once a
woman's According to Stendhal, though, there are two crystallizations. The first
happens when we first meet the person. The second and more important one
happens later, when a bit of doubt creeps in-you desire the other person, but
they elude you, you are not sure they are yours. This bit of doubt is
critical-it makes your imagination work double, deepens the poeticizing
process. In the seventeenth century, the great rake the Due de Lauzun pulled
off one of the most spectacular seductions in history-that of the Mademoiselle,
the cousin of King Louis XTV, and the wealthiest and most powerful woman in
France. He tickled her imagination with a few brief encounters at the court,
letting her catch glimpses of his wit, his audacity, his cool manner. She would
begin to think of him when she was alone. Next she started to bump into him more
often at court, and they would have little conversations or walks. When these
meetings were over, she would be left with a doubt: is he or is he not
interested in me? This made her want to see him more, in order to allay her
doubts. She began to idealize him all out of proportion to the reality, for the
duke was an incorrigible scoundrel. Remember: if you are easily had, you cannot
be worth that much. It is Poeticize Your Presence • 283 hard to wax poetic
about a person who comes so cheaply. If, after the initial interest, you make
it clear that you cannot be taken for granted, if you stir a bit of doubt, the
target will imagine there is something special, lofty, and unattainable about
you. Your image will crystallize in the other person's mind. Cleopatra knew
that she was really no different from any other woman, and in fact her face was
not particularly beautiful. But she knew that men have a tendency to overvalue
a woman. All that is required is to hint that there is something different about
you, to make them associate you with something grand or poetic. She made Caesar
aware of her connection to the great kings and queens of Egypt's past; with
Antony, she created the fantasy that she was descended from Aphrodite herself.
These men were cavorting not just with a strong-willed woman but a kind of
goddess. Such associations might be difficult to pull off today, but people
still get deep pleasure from associating others with some kind of childhood
fantasy figure. John F. Kennedy presented himself as a figure of
chivalry-noble, brave, charming. Pablo Picasso was not just a great painter
with a thirst for young girls, he was the Minotaur of Greek legend, or the
devilish trickster figure that is so seductive to women. These associations
should not be made too early; they are only powerful once the target has begun
to fall under your spell, and is vulnerable to suggestion. A man who had just
met Cleopatra would have found the Aphrodite association ludicrous. But a person
who is falling in love will believe almost anything. The trick is to associate
your image with something mythic, through the clothes you wear, the things you
say, the places you go. In Marcel Proust's novel Remembrance of Things Past,
the character Swann finds himself gradually seduced by a woman who is not
really his type. He is an aesthete, and loves the finer things in life. She is
of a lower class, less refined, even a little tasteless. What poeticizes her in
his mind is a series of exuberant moments they share together, moments that
from then on he associates with her. One of these is a concert in a salon that
they attend, in which he is intoxicated by a little melody in a sonata.
Whenever he thinks of her, he remembers this little phrase. Little gifts she
has given him, objects she has touched or handled, begin to assume a life of
their own. Any kind of heightened experience, artistic or spiritual, lingers in
the mind much longer than normal experience. You must find a way to share such moments
with your targets-a concert, a play, a spiritual encounter, whatever it
takes-so that they associate something elevated with you. Shared moments of
exuberance have immense seductive pull. Also, any kind of object can be imbued
with poetic resonance and sentimental associations, as discussed in the last
chapter. The gifts you give and other objects can become imbued with your
presence; if they are associated with pleasant memories, the sight of them
keeps you in mind and accelerates the poeti- cization process. Although it is
said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, an absence too early will prove
deadly to the crystallization process. Like Eva attention is fixed upon a man,
it is very easy for him to dominate her thoughts completely. A simple game of
blowing hot and cold, of solicitousness and disdain, of presence and absence isallthatisrequired.
The rhythm of that techniqueacts upon a woman's attention like a pneumatic machine
and ends by emptying her of all the rest of the world. How well our people put
it: "to suck one's senses"! In fact: one is absorbed-absorbed by an
object! Most "love affairs" are reduced to this mechanical play of
the beloved upon the lover's attention. • The only thing that can save a lover
is a violent shock from the outside, a treatment which is forced upon him. Many
think that absence and long trips are a good cure for lovers. Observe that
these are cures for one's attention. Distance from the beloved starves our attention
toward him; it prevents anything further from rekindling the attention.
Journeys, by physically obliging us to come out of ourselves and resolve
hundreds of little problems, by uprooting us from our habitual setting and
forcing hundreds of unexpected objects upon us, succeed in breaking down the
maniac's haven and opening channels in his sealed consciousness, through which
fresh air and normal perspective enter. - JOS6 ORTEGA Y GASSET, ON LOVE:
ASPECTS OF A SINGLE THEME, TRANSLATED BY TOBY TALBOT 284 Excessive familiarity
can destroy crystallization. A charming girl of sixteen was becoming too fond
of ahandsome young man of the same age, who used to make a practice of passing beneath
her window every evening at nightfall. Her mother invited him to Peron, you
must surround your targets with focused attention, so that in those critical
moments when they are alone, their mind is spinning with a kind of afterglow.
Do everything you can to keep the target thinking about you. Letters, mementos,
gifts, unexpected meetings-all these give you an omnipresence. Everything must
remind them of you. Finally, if your targets should see you as elevated and
poetic, there is much to be gained by making them feel elevated and poeticized
in their turn. The French writer Chateaubriand would make a woman feel like a
spend a week with them in the country. It was a bold remedy, I admit, but the
girl was of a romantic disposition, and the young man a trifle dull; within
three days she despised him. -STENDHAL, LOVE, TRANSLATED BY GILBERT AND SUZANNE
SALE goddess, she had such a powerful effect on him. He would send her poems that
she supposedly had inspired. To make Queen Victoria feel as if she were both a
seductive woman and a great leader, Benjamin Disraeli would compare her to
mythological figures and great predecessors, such as Queen Elizabeth I. By
idealizing your targets this way, you will make them idealize you in return,
since you must be equally great to be able to appreciate and see all of their
fine qualities. They will also grow addicted to the elevatedfeeling you give
them. Symbol: The Halo.Slowly, when the target is alone, he or she begins to imagine
a kind of faint glow around your head, formed by all of the possible pleasures
you might offer, the radiance of your charged presence, your noble qualities.
The Halo separates youfrom other people. Do not make it disappear by becoming
familiar and ordinary. Reversal I t might seem that the reverse tactic would be
to reveal everything about yourself, to be completely honest about your faults
and virtues. This kind of sincerity was a quality Lord Byron had-he almost got
a thrill out of disclosing all of his nasty, ugly qualities, even going so far,
later on in his life, as to tell people about his incestuous involvements with
his half sister. This kind of dangerous intimacy can be immensely seductive.
The target will poeticize your vices, and your honesty about them; they will
start to see more than is there. In other words, the idealization process is
unavoidable. The only thing that cannot be idealized is mediocrity, but there
is nothing seductive about mediocrity. There is no possible way to seduce without
creating some kind of fantasy and poeticization. 13 Disarm Through Strategic
Weakness and Vulnerability Too much maneuvering on your part may raise
suspicion.
The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and
stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person,
and unable to control yourself, you will make your actions look more natural,
less calculated. Physical weakness - tears, bashfulness, paleness-will help
create the effect, To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish
your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part-it doesn't have
to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then
transform your target's sympathy into love. The Victim Strategy T hat
sweltering August in the 1770s when the Presidente de Tourvel was visiting the
chateau of her old friend Madame de Rosemonde, leaving her husband at home, she
was expecting to be enjoying the peace and quiet of country life more or less
on her own. But she loved the simple pleasures, and soon her daily life at the
chateau assumed a comfortable pattern-daily Mass, walks in the country,
charitable work in the neighboring villages, card games in the evening. When
Madame de Rosemonde's nephew arrived for a visit, then, the Presidente felt
uncomfortable-but also curious. The nephew, the Vicomte de Valmont, was the
most notorious libertine in Paris. He was certainly handsome, but he was not
what she had expected: he seemedsad, somewhat downtrodden, and strangest of
all, he paid hardly any attention to her. The Presidente was no coquette; she dressed
simply, ignored fashions, and loved her husband. Still, she was young and
beautiful, and was used to fending off men's attentions. In the back of her
mind, she was slightly perturbed that he took so little notice of her. Then, at
Mass one day, she caught a glimpse of Valmont apparently lost in prayer. The
idea dawned on her that he was in the midst of a period of soul-searching. As
soon as word had leaked out that Valmont was at the chateau, the Presidente had
received a letter from a friend warning her against this dangerous man. But she
thought of herself as the last woman in the world to be vulnerable to him.
Besides, he seemed on the verge of repenting his evil past; perhaps she could
help move him in that direction. What a wonderful victory that would be for
God. And so the Presidente took note of Val- mont's comings and goings, trying
to understand what was happening in his head. It was strange, for instance,
that he would often leave in the morning to go hunting, yet would never return
with any game. One day, she decided to have her servant do a little harmless
spying, and she was amazed and delighted to learn that Valmont had not gone
hunting at all; he had visited a local village, where he had doled out money to
a poor family about to be evicted from their home. Yes, she was right, his
passionate soul was moving from sensuality to virtue. How happy that made her
feel. That evening, Valmont and the Presidente found themselves alone for the
first time, and Valmont suddenly burst out with a startling confession. He was
head-over-heels in love with the Presidente, and with a love he had The weak
ones do have a power over us. The clear, forceful ones I can do without. I am
weak and indecisive by nature myself and a woman who is quiet and withdrawn and
follows the wishes of a man even to the point of letting herself be used has
much the greater appeal. A man can shape and mold her as he wishes, and becomes
fonder of her all the while. -MURASAKI SHIKIBU, THE TALE OF GENJI. TRANSLATED
BY EDWARD G. SEIDENSTICKER Hera, daughter of Cronus and Rhea, having been born
on the island of Samos or, some say, at Argos, was brought up in Arcadia by
Temenus, sou of Pelasgus. The Seasons were her nurses. After banishing
theirfather Cronus, Hera's twin brother Zeus sought her out at Cnossus in Crete
or, some say, on Mount Thornax (now called Cuckoo Mountain) in Argolis, where
he courted her, at first unsuccessfully. She took pity on him only when he
adopted the 287 288 disguise of a bedraggled cuckoo and tenderly warmed him in
her bosom. There he at once resumed his true shape and ravished her, so that
she was shamed into marrying him. -ROBERT GRAVES, THE GREEK MYTHS In a strategy
(?) of seduction one draws the other into one's area of weakness, which is also
his or her area of weakness. A calculated weakness, an incalculable weakness:
one challenges the other to be taken i n . . . . • To seduce is to appear weak.
To seduce is to render weak. We seduce with our weakness, never with strong
signs or powers. In seduction we enact this weakness, and this is what gives
seduction its strength. • We seduce with our death, our vulnerability, and with
the void that haunts us. The secret is to know how to play with death in the
absence of a gaze or gesture, in the absence of knowledge or meaning. •
Psychoanalysis tells us to assume our fragility and passivity, but in almost
religious terms, turns them into aform of resignation and acceptance in order
to promote a well- tempered psychic equilibrium. Seduction, by contrast, plays
trumph- antty with weakness, making a game of it, with its own rules. -JEAN
BAUDRILLARD, SEDUCTION, TRANSLATED BY BRIAN SINGER never experienced before:
her virtue, her goodness, her beauty, her kind ways had completely overwhelmed
him. His generosity to the poor that afternoon had been for her sake-perhaps
inspired by her, perhaps something more sinister: it had been to impress her.
He would never have confessed to this, but finding himself alone with her, he
could not control his emotions. Then he got down on his knees and begged for
her to help him, to guide him in his misery. The Presidente was caught off
guard, and began to cry. Intensely embarrassed, she ran from the room, and for
the next few days pretended to be ill. She did not know how to react to the
letters Valmont now began to send her, begging her to forgive him. He praised
her beautiful face and her beautiful soul, and claimed she had made him rethink
his whole life. These emotional letters produced disturbing emotions, and
Tourvel prided herself on her calmness and prudence. She knew she should insist
that he leave the chateau, and wrote him to that effect; he reluctantly agreed,
but on one condition-that she allow him to write to her from Paris. She
consented, as long as the letters were not offensive. When he told Madame de
Rose- monde that he was leaving, the Presidente felt a pang of guilt: his hostess
and aunt would miss him, and he looked so pale. He was obviously suffering. Now
the letters from Valmont began to arrive, and Tourvel soon regretted allowing
him this liberty. He ignored her request that heavoid the subject of
love-indeed he vowed to love her forever. He rebuked her for her coldness and
insensitivity. He explained his bad path in life-it was not his fault, he had
had no direction, had been led astray by others. Without her help he would fall
back into that world. Do not be cruel, he said, you are the one who seduced me.
I am your slave, the victim of your charms and goodness; since you are strong,
and do not feel as I do, you have nothing to fear. Indeed the Presidente de
Tourvel came to pity Valmont-he seemed so weak, so out of control. How could
she help him? And why was she even thinking of him, which she now did more and
more? She was a happily married woman. No, she must at least put an end to this
tiresome correspondence. No more talk of love, she wrote, or she would not
reply. His letters stopped coming. She felt relief. Finally some peace and
quiet. One evening, however, as she was seated at the dinner table, she suddenly
heard Valmont's voice from behind her, addressing Madame de Rose- monde. On the
spur of the moment, he said, he had decided to return for a short visit. She
felt a shiver up and down her spine, her face flushed; he approached and sat
down beside her. He looked at her, she looked away, and soon made an excuse to
leave the table and go up to her room. But she could not completely avoid him
over the next few days, and she saw that he seemed paler than ever. He was
polite, and a whole day might pass without her seeing him, but these brief
absences had a paradoxical effect: now Tourvel realized what had happened. She
missed him, she wanted to see him. This paragon of virtue and goodness had
somehow fallen in love with an incorrigible rake. Disgusted with herself and
what she had allowed to Disarm Through Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability • 289
happen, she left the chateau in the middle of the night, without telling anyone,
and headed for Paris, where she planned somehow to repent this awful sin. Interpretation.
The character of Valmont in Choderlos de Laclos's epistolary novel Dangerous
Liaisons is based on several of the great real-life libertines of
eighteenth-century France. Everything Valmont does is calculated for effect-the
ambiguous actions that make Tourvel curious about him, the act of charity in
the village (he knows he is being followed), the return visit to the chateau,
the paleness of his face (he is having an affair with a girl at the chateau,
and their all-night carousals give him a wasted look). Most devastating of all
is his positioning of himself as the weak one, the seduced, the victim. How can
the Presidente imagine he is manipulating her when everything suggests he is
simplyoverwhelmed by her beauty, whether physical or spiritual? He cannot be a
deceiver when he repeatedly makes a point of confessing the "truth"
about himself: he admits that his charity was questionably motivated, he
explains why he has gone astray, he lets her in on his emotions. (All of this
"honesty," of course, is calculated.) In essence he is like a woman,
or at least like a woman of those times- emotional, unable to control himself,
moody, insecure. She is the one who is cold and cruel, like a man. In
positioning himself as Tourvel's victim, Valmont can not only disguise his
manipulations but elicit pity and concern. Playing the victim, he can stir up
the tender emotions produced by a sick child or a wounded animal. And these
emotions are easily channeled into love-as the Presidente discovers to her
dismay. Seduction is a game of reducing suspicion and resistance. The cleverest
way to do this is to make the other person feel stronger, more in control of things.
Suspicion usually comes out of insecurity; if your targets feel superior and
secure in your presence, they are unlikely to doubt your motives. You are too
weak, too emotional, to be up to something. Take this game as far as it will
go. Flaunt your emotions and how deeply they have affected you. Making people
feel the power they have over you is immensely flattering to them. Confess to
something bad, or even to something bad that you did, or contemplated doing, to
them. Honesty is more important than virtue, and one honest gesture will blind
them to many deceitful acts. Create an impression of weakness-physical, mental,
emotional. Strength and confidence can be frightening. Make your weakness a
comfort, and play the victim-of their power over you, of circumstances, of life
in general. This is the best way to cover your tracks. You know, a man ain't
worth a damn if he can't cry at the right time. -LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON The old
American proverb says if you want to con someone, you must first get him to
trust you, or at least feel superior to you (these two ideas are related), and get
him to let down his guard. The proverb explains a great deal about television
commercials. If we assume that people are not stupid, they must react to TV
commercials with a feeling of superiority that permits them to believe they are
in control. As long as this illusion of volition persists, they would consciously
have nothing to fear from the commercials. People are prone to trust anything
over which they believe they have control. ..." TV commercials appear
foolish, clumsy, and ineffectual on purpose. They are made to appear this way
at the conscious level in order to be consciously ridiculed and rejected. . . .
Most ad men will confirm that over the years the seemingly worst commercials
have sold the best. An effective TV commercial is purposefully designed to
insult the viewer's conscious intelligence, thereby penetrating his defenses. -WILSON
BRYAN KEY, SUBLIMINAL SEDUCTION It takes great art to use bashfulness, but one
does achieve a great deal with it. How often I have used bashfulness to trick a
little miss! Ordinarily, young girls speak very harshly about bashful men, but secretly
they like them. A little bashfulness flatters a teenage girl's vanity, makes her
feel superior; it is her 290 earnest money. When they are lulled to sleep, then
at the very time they believe you are about to perish from bashfulness, you
show them that you are so far from it that you are quite self-reliant.
Bashfulness makes a man lose his masculine significance, and therefore it is a
relatively good means for neutralizing the sex relation. -S0REN KIERKEGAARD, THE
SEDUCER'S DIARY. TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. HONG AND EDNA H. HONG Yet anotherform
of Charity is there, which is oft times practised towards poor prisoners who
are shut up in dungeons and robbed of all enjoyments with women. On such do the
gaolers' wives and women that have charge over them, or chatelaines who have prisoners
of war in their Castle, take pity and give them share of their love out of very
charity and mercifulness. . . . • Thus do these gaolers' wives, noble
chatelaines and others, treat their prisoners, the which, captive and unhappy
though they be, yet cease not for that to feel the prickings of the flesh, as
much as ever they did in their best days. ...• To confirm what I say, I will instance
a tale that Captain Beaulieu, Captain of the King's Galleys, of whom I have before
spoke once and again, did tell me. He was in the service of the late Grand
Prior of France, a member of the house of Lorraine, who was much attached to
him. Going one time to take his patron on board at Malta in a Keys to Seduction
W e all have weaknesses, vulnerabilities, frailnesses in our mental makeup.
Perhaps we are shy or oversensitive, or need attention- whatever the weakness
is, it is something we cannot control. We may try to compensate for it, or to
hide it, but this is often a mistake: people sense something inauthentic or
unnatural. Remember: what is natural to your character is inherently seductive.
A person's vulnerability, what they seem to be unable to control, is often what
is most seductive about them. People who display no weaknesses, on the other
hand, often elicit envy, fear, and anger-we want to sabotage themjust to bring
them down.Do not struggle against your vulnerabilities, or try to repressthem,butput
them into play. Learn to transform them into power. The game is subtle: if you
wallow in your weakness, overplay your hand, you will be seen as angling for
sympathy, or, worse, as pathetic. No, what works best is to allow people an
occasional glimpse into the soft, frail side of your character, and usually
only after they have known you for a while. That glimpse will humanize you,
lowering their suspicions, and preparing the ground for a deeper attachment.
Normally strong and in control, at moments you let go, give in to your
weakness, let them see it. Valmont used his weakness this way. He had lost his
innocence long ago, and yet, somewhere inside, he regretted it. He was
vulnerable to someone truly innocent. His seduction of the Presidente was
successful because it was not totally an act; there was a genuine weakness on
his part, which even allowed him to cry at times. He let the Presidente see
this side to him at key moments, in order to disarm her. Like Valmont, you can
be acting and sincere at the same time. Suppose you are genuinely shy-at certain
moments, give your shyness a little weight, lay it on a little thick. It should
be easy for you to embellish a quality you already have. After Lord Byron
published his first major poem, in 1812, he became an instant celebrity. Beyond
being a talented writer, he was so handsome, even pretty, and he was as
brooding and enigmatic as the characters he wrote about. Women went wild over
Lord Byron. He had an infamous "underlook," slightly lowering his
head and glancing upward at a woman, making her tremble. But Byron had other
qualities: when you first met him, you could not help noticing his fidgety
movements, his ill-fitting clothes, his strange shyness, and his noticeable
limp. This infamous man, who scorned all conventions and seemed so dangerous,
was personally insecure and vulnerable. In Byron's poem Don Juan, the hero is
less a seducer of women than a man constantly pursued by them. The poem was
autobiographical; women wanted to take care of this somewhat fragile man, who
seemed to have little control over his emotions. More than a century later,
John F. Kennedy, as a boy, became obsessed with Byron, the man he most wanted
to emulate. He even tried to borrow Byron's "underlook." Kennedy
himself was a frail youth, with constant health problems. He was also a little
pretty, and friends Disarm Through Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability • 291 saw
something slightly feminine in him. Kennedy's weaknesses-physical and mental,
for he too was insecure, shy, and oversensitive-were exactly what drew women to
him. If Byron and Kennedy had tried to cover up their vulnerabilities with a
masculine swagger they would have had no seductive charm. Instead, they learned
how to subtly display their weaknesses, letting women sense this soft side to
them. There are fears and insecurities peculiar to each sex; your use of strategic
weakness must always take these differences into account. A woman, for instance,
may be attracted by a man's strength and self-confidence, but too much of it
can create fear, seeming unnatural, even ugly Particularly intimidating is the
sense that the man is cold and unfeeling. She may feel insecure that he is only
after sex, and nothing else. Male seducers long ago learned to become more
feminine-to show their emotions, and to seem interested in their targets'
lives. The medieval troubadours were the first to master this strategy; they
wrote poetry in honor of women, emoted endlessly about their feelings, and
spent hours in their ladies' boudoirs, listening to the women's complaints and
soaking up their spirit. In return for their willingness to play weak, the
troubadours earned the right to love. Little has changed since then. Some of
the greatest seducers in recent history-Gabriele D' Annunzio, Duke Ellington,
Errol Flynn-understood the value of acting slavishly to a woman, like a
troubadour on bended knee. The key is to indulge your softer side while still
remaininasmasculineas possible. This may include an occasional show of
bashfulness, which the philosopher Sprcn Kierkegaard thought an extremely
seductive tactic for a man-it gives the woman a sense of comfort, and even of
superiority. Remember, though, to keep everything in moderation. A glimpse of
shyness is sufficient; too much of it and the target will despair, afraid that
she will end up having to do all the work. man's fears and insecurities often
concern his sense of masculinity; he usually will feel threatened by a woman
who is too overtly manipulative, who is too much in control. The greatest
seductresses in history knew how to cover up their manipulations by playing the
little girl in need of masculine protection. A famous courtesan of ancient
China, Su Shou, used to make up her face to look particularly pale and weak.
She would also walk in a way that made her seem frail. The great
nineteenth-century courtesan Pearl would literally dress and act like a little
girl. Marilyn Monroe knew how to give the impression that she depended on a
man's strength to survive. In all of these instances, the women were the ones
in control of the dynamic, boosting a man's sense of masculinity in order to
ultimately enslave him. To make this most effective, a woman should seem both
in need of protection and sexually excitable, giving the man his ultimate fantasy.
The Empress Josephine, wife of Napoleon Bonaparte, won dominance over her
husband early on through a calculated coquetry. Later on, though, she held on
to that power through her constant-and not so innocent-use of tears. Seeing
someone cry usually has an immediate effect on our emo- frigate, he was taken
by the Sicilian galleys, and carried prisoner to the Castel-a- mare at Palermo,
where he was shut up in an exceeding narrow, dark and wretched dungeon, and very
ill entreated by the space of three months. By good hap the Governor of the
Castle, who was a Spaniard, had two very fair daughters, who hearing him
complaining and making moan, did one day ask leave of theirfather to visit him,
for the honor of the good God; and this he did freely give them permission to
do. And seeing the Captain was of a surety a right gallant gentleman, and as
ready- tongued as most, he was able so to withem over at this, the very first
visit, that they did gain their father's leave for him to quit his wretched
dungeon and to be put in a seemly enough chamber and receive better treatment.
Nor was this all, for they did crave and get permission to come and see him
freely every day and converse with him. • And this didfall out so well that presently
both the twain of them were in love with him, albeit he was not handsome to
look upon, and they very fair ladies. And so, without a thought of the chance
of more rigorous imprisonment or even death, but rather tempted by such opportunities,
he did set himself to the enjoyment of the two girls with good will and hearty
appetite. And these pleasures did continue without any scandal, for so fortunate
was he in this conquest of his for the space of eight whole months, that no
scandal did ever hap all that time, and no ill, 292 inconvenience, nor any surprise
or discovery at all. For indeed the two sisters had so good an understanding
between them and did so generously lend a hand to each other and so obligingly
play sentinel to one another, that no ill hap did ever occur. And he swore to
me, being my very intimate friend as he was, that never in his days of greatest
liberty had he enjoyed so excellent entertainment orfelt keener ardor or better
appetitefor it than in the said prison-which truly was a right good prison for
him, albeitfolk say no prison can be good. And this happy time did continue for
the space of eight months, till the truce was made betwixt the Emperor and Henri
II., King of France, whereby all prisoners did leave their dungeons and were
released. He sware that never was he more grieved than at quitting this good
prison of his, but was exceeding sorry to leave thesefair maids, with whom he
was in such high favor, and who did express all possible regrets at his departing.
-SEIGNEUR DE BRANT6ME, LIVES OF FAIR & GALLANT LADIES. TRANSLATED BY A. R.
ALLINSON tions: we cannot remain neutral. We feel sympathy, and most often will
do anything to stop the tears-including things that we normally would not do.
Weeping is an incredibly potent tactic, but the weeper is not always so innocent.
There is usually something real behind the tears, but there may also be an
element of acting, of playing for effect. (And if the target senses this the
tactic is doomed.) Beyond the emotional impact of tears, there is something
seductive about sadness. We want to comfort the other person, and as Tourvel
discovered, that desire quickly turns into love. Affecting sadness, even crying
sometimes, has great strategic value, even for a man. It is a skill you can
learn. The central character of the eighteenth-century French novel Marianne,
by Marivaux, would think of something sad in her past to make herself cry or
look sad in the present. Use tears sparingly, and save them for the right
moment. Perhaps this might be a time when the target seems suspicious of your
motives, or when you are worrying about having no effect on him or her. Tears
are a sure barometer of how deeply the other person is falling for you. If they
seem annoyed, or resist the bait, your case is probably hopeless. In social and
political situations, seeming too ambitious, or too controlled, will make
people fear you; it is crucial to show your soft side. The display of a single
weakness will hide a multitude of manipulations. Emotion or even tears will
work here too. Most seductive of all is playing the victim. For his first
speech in Parliament, Benjamin Disraeli prepared an elaborate oration, but when
he delivered it the opposition yelled and laughed so loudly that hardly any of
it could be heard. He plowed ahead and gave the whole speech, but by the time
he sat down he felt he had failed miserably. Much to his amazement, his
colleagues told him the speech was a marvelous success. It would have been a
failure if he had complained or given up; but by going ahead as he did, he
positioned himself as the victim of a cruel and unreasonable faction. Almost
everyone sympathized with him now, which would serve him well in the future.
Attacking your mean-spirited opponents can make you seem ugly as well; instead,
soak up their blows, and play the victim. The public will rally to your side, in
an emotional response that will lay the groundwork for a grand political seduction.
Symbol: The Blemish. A beautifulface is a delight to look at, but if it is too
perfect it leaves us cold, and even slightly intimidated. It is the little
mole, the beauty mark, that makes the face human and lovable. So do not conceal
all of your blemishes. You need them to soften your features and elicit tender feelings.
Disarm Through Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability • 293 Reversal T iming is
everything in seduction; you should always look for signs that the target is
falling under your spell. A person falling in love tends to ignore the other
person's weaknesses, or to see them as endearing. An unseduced, rational
person, on the other hand, may find bashfulness or emotional outbursts
pathetic. There are also certain weaknesses that have no seductive value, no
matter how in love the target may be. The great seventeenth-century courtesan
Ninon de l'Enclos liked men with a soft side. But sometimes a man would go too
far, complaining that she did not love him enough, that she was too fickle and
independent, that he was beingmistreatedandwronged. For Ninon, such behavior
would break the spell, and she would quickly end the relationship. Complaining,
whining, neediness, and actively appealing for sympathy will appear to your targets
not as charming weaknesses but as manipulative attempts at a kind of negative
power. So when you play the victim, do it subtly, without overadvertising it.
The only weaknesses worth playing up are the ones that will make you seem
lovable. All others should be repressed and eradicated at all costs. H Confuse
Desire and Reality- The Perfect Illusion To compensate for the difficulties in
their lives, people spend a lot of their time daydreaming, imagining a future
full of adventure, success, and romance. If you can create the illusion that
through you they can live out their dreams, you will have them at your mercy.
It is important to start slowly, gaining their trust, and gradually
constructing the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at secret wishes that
have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding
their powers of reason. The perfect illusion is one that does not depart too
muchfrom reality, but has a touch of the unreal to it, like a waking dream, head
the seduced to a point of confusion in which they can no longer tell the
difference between illusion and reality. Fantasy in the Flesh I n 1964, a
twenty-year-old Frenchman named Bernard Bouriscout arrived in Beijing, China,
to work as an accountant in the French embassy. His first weeks there were not
what he had expected. Bouriscout had grown up in the French provinces, dreaming
of travel and adventure. When he had been assigned to come to China, images of
the Forbidden City, and of the gambling dens of Macao, had danced in his mind.
But this was Communist China, and contact between Westerners and Chinese was almost
impossible at the time. Bouriscout had to socialize with the other Europeans stationed
in the city, and what a boring and cliquish lot they were. He grew lonely,
regretted taking the assignment, and began making plans to leave. Then, at a
Christmas party that year, Bouriscout's eyes were drawn to a young Chinese man
in a corner of the room. He had never seen anyone Chinese at any of these
affairs. The man was intriguing: he was slender and and introduced himself. The
man, Shi Pei Pu, proved to be a writer of Chinese-opera librettos who also
taught Chinese to members of the French embassy. Aged twenty-six, he spoke
perfect French. Everything about him fascinated Bouriscout; his voice was like
music, soft and whis- pery, and he left you wanting to know more about him.
Bouriscout, although usually shy, insistedonexchangingtelephone numbers.
Perhaps Pei Pu could be his Chinese tutor. They met a few days later in a
restaurant. Bouriscout was the only Westerner there-at last a taste of
something real and exotic. Pei Pu, it turned out, had been a well-known actor
in Chinese operas and came from a family with connections to the former ruling
dynasty. Now he wrote operas about the workers, but he said this with a look of
irony They began to meet regularly, Pei Pu showing Bouriscout the sights of
Beijing. Bouriscout loved his stories-Pei Pu talked slowly, and every
historical detail seemed to come alive as he spoke, his hands moving to
embellish his words. This, he might say, is where the last Ming emperor hung
himself, pointing to the spot and telling the story at the same time. Or, the
cook in the restaurant we just ate in once served in the palace of the last
emperor, and then another magnificent tale would follow. Pei Pu also talked of
life in the Beijing Opera, where men often played women's parts, and sometimes
became famous for it. Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, \ Such shaping
fantasies, that apprehend \ More than cool reason ever comprehends. -WILLIAM
SHAKESPEARE, A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM He was not a sex person. He was like . .
. somebody who had come down from the clouds. He was not human. You could notsayhe
was a man friend or a woman friend; he was somebody different anyway. . . .
Youfeel he was only a friend who was coming from another planet and so nice
also, so overwhelming and separated from the life of the ground. -BERNARD
BOURISCOUT, IN JOYCE WADLER, LIAISON Romance had again come her way personified
by a handsome young German officer, Lieutenant Konrad Friedrich, who called
upon her at Neuilly to ask her help. He wanted Pauline [Bonaparte ] to use her
291 298 influence with Napoleon in connection with providing for the needs of
the French troops in the Papal States. He made an instantaneous impression on
the princess, who escorted him around her garden until they arrived at the
rockery. There she stopped and, looking into the young man's eyes mysteriously,
commanded him to return to this same spot at the same hour next day when she
might have some good news for him. The young officer bowed and took his leave.
... In his memoirs he revealed in detail what took place after the first meeting
with Pauline: • "At the hour agreed on I again proceeded to Neuilly, made
my way to the appointed spot in the garden and stood waiting at the rockery. I
had not been there very long when a lady made her appearance, greeted me pleasantly
and led me through a side door into the interior oftherockerywhere there were
several rooms and galleries and in one splendid salon a luxurious-looking bath.
The adventure was beginning to strike me as very romantic, almost like a fairy
tale, and just as I was wondering what the outcome might be a woman in a robe
of the sheerest cambric entered by a side door, came up to me, and smilingly
asked how I liked being there. I at once recognized Napoleon's beautiful
sister, whose perfect figure was clearly outlined by every movement of her
robe. She held out her handfor me to kiss and told me to sit down on the couch
beside her. On this occasion I certainly was not the The two men became
friends. Chinese contact with foreigners was restricted, but they managed to
find ways to meet. One evening Bouriscout tagged along when Pei Pu visited the
home of a French official to tutor the children. He listened as Pei Pu told
them "The Story of the Butterfly," a tale from the Chinese opera: a young
girl yearns to attend an imperial school, but girls are not accepted there. She
disguises herself as a boy, passes the exams, and enters the school. A fellow
student falls in love with her, and she is attracted to him, so she tells him
that she is actually a girl. Like most of these tales, the story ends
tragically. Pei Pu told it with unusual emotion; in fact he had played the role
of the girl in the operA few nights later, as they were walking before the
gates of the Forbidden City, Pei Pu returned to "The Story of the
Butterfly" "Look at my hands," he said, "Look at my face.
That story of the butterfly, it is my story too." In his slow, dramatic
delivery he explained that his mother's first two children had been girls. Sons
were far more important in China; if the third child was a girl, the father
would have to take a second wife. The third child came: another girl. But the
mother was too frightened to reveal the truth, and made an agreement with the
midwife: they would say that the child was a boy, and it would be raised as
such. This third child was Pei Pu. Over the years, Pei Pu had had to go to
extreme lengths to disguise her sex. She never used public bathrooms, plucked
her hairline to look as if she were balding, on and on. Bouriscout was
enthralled by the story, and also relieved, for like the boy in the butterfly
tale, deep down he felt attracted to Pei Pu. Now everything made sense-the
small hands, the high-pitched voice, the delicate neck. He had fallen in love
with her, and, it seemed, the feelings were reciprocated. Pei Pu started
visiting Bouriscout's apartment, and soon they were sleeping together. She
continued to dress as a man, even in his apartment, but women in China wore
men's clothes anyway, and Pei Pu acted more like a woman than any oftheChinese
women he had seen. In bed, she had a shyness and a way of directing his hands
that was both exciting and feminine. She made everything romantic and
heightened. When he was away from her, her every word and gesture resonated in
his mind. What made the affair all the more exciting was the fact that they had
to keep it secret. In December of 1965, Bouriscout left Beijing and returned to
Paris. He traveled, had other affairs, but his thoughts kept returning to Pei
Pu. The Cultural Revolution broke out in China, and he lost contact with her.
Before he had left, she had told him she was pregnant with their child. He had no
idea whether the baby had been born. His obsession with her grew too strong,
and in 1969 he finagled another government job in Beijing. Contact with
foreigners was now even more discouraged than on his first visit, but he
managed to track Pei Pu down. She told him she had borne a son, in 1966, but he
had looked like Bouriscout, and given the growing hatred of foreigners in
China, and the need to keep the secret of her sex, she had him sent him away to
an isolated region near Russia. It was so cold there-perhaps he was dead. She
showed Bouriscout photographs Confuse Desire and Reality- of the boy, and he
did see some resemblance. Over the next few weeks they managed to meet here and
there, and then Bouriscout had an idea: he sympathized with the Cultural
Revolution, and he wanted to get around the prohibitions that were preventing
him from seeing Pei Pu, so he offered to do some spying. The offer was passed
along to the right people, and soon Bouriscout was stealing documents for the
Communists. The son, named Bertrand, was recalled to Beijing, and Bouriscout
finally met him. Now a threefold adventure filled Bouriscout's life: the
alluring Pei Pu, the thrill of being a spy, and the illicit child, whom he
wanted to bring back to France. In 1972, Bouriscout left Beijing. Over the next
few years he tried repeatedly to get Pei Pu and his son to France, and a decade
later he finally succeeded; the three became a family In 1983, though, the
French authorities grew suspicious of this relationship between a Foreign
Office official and a Chinese man, and with a little investigating they uncovered
Bouriscout's spying. He was arrested, and soon made a startling confession: the
man he was living with was really a woman. Confused, the French ordered an
examination of Pei Pu; as they had thought, he was very much a man. Bouriscout
went to prison. Even after Bouriscout had heard his former lover's own
confession, he was still convinced that Pei Pu was a woman. Her soft body,
their intimate relationship-how could he be wrong? Onlywhen Pei Pu, imprisoned
in the same jail, showed him the incontrovertible proof of his sex did Bouriscout
finally accept it. Interpretation. The moment Pei Pu met Bouriscout, he
realized he had found the perfect victim. Bouriscout was lonely, bored,
desperate. The way he responded to Pei Pu suggested that he was probably also
homosexual, or perhaps bisexual-at least confused. (Bouriscout in fact had had
homosexual encounters as a boy; guilty about them, he had tried to repress this
side of himself.) Pei Pu had played women's parts before, and was quite good at
it; he was slight and effeminate; physically it was not a stretch. But who
would believe such a story, or at least not be skeptical of it? The critical
component of Pei Pu's seduction, in which he brought the Frenchman's fantasy of
adventure to life, was to start slowly and set up an idea in his victims mind.
In his perfect French (which, however, was full of interesting Chinese
expressions), he got Bouriscout used to hearing stories and tales, some true,
some not, but all delivered in that dramatic yet believable tone. Then he
planted the idea of gender impersonation with his "Story of the
Butterfly." By the time he confessed the "truth" of his gender,
Bouriscout was already completely enchanted with him. Bouriscout warded off all
suspicious thoughts because he wanted tobelieve Pei Pu's story. From there it
was easy Pei Pu faked his periods; it didn't take much money to get hold of a
child he could reasonably pass off as their son. More important, he played the
fantasy role to the hilt, remaining elusive and mysterious (which was what a
Westerner would expect from an The Perfect Illusion • 299 seducer. . . . After
an interval Pauline pulled a hell rope and ordered the woman who answered to prepare
a hath which she asked me to share. Wearing bathgowns of the finest linen we
remained for nearly an hour in the crystal-clear bluish water. Then we had a
grand dinner served in another room and lingered on together until dusk. When I
left I had to promise to return again soon and I spent many afternoons with the
princess in the same way." -HARRISON BRENT, PAULINE BONAPARTE: A WOMAN OF
AFFAIRS The courtesan is meant to be a half-defined, floating figure never
fixing herself surely in the imagination. She is the memory of an experience,
the point at which a dream is transformed into reality or reality into a dream.
The bright colors fade, her name becomes a mere echo-echo of an echo, since she
has probably adopted it from some ancient predecessor. The idea of the
courtesan is a garden of delights in which the lover walks, smelling first this
flower and then that but neverunderstandingwhence comes the fragrance that intoxicates
him. Why should the courtesan not elude analysis? She does not want to be
recognized for what she is, but rather to be allowed to be potent and
effective. She offers the truth of herself- - or, rather, of the passions that
become directed toward her. And what she gives back is one's self and an hour
of grace in her presence. Love revives 300 when you look at her: is that not
enough? She is the generative force of an illusion, the birth point of desire,
the threshold of contemplation of bodily beauty. -LYNNE LAWNER, LIVES OF THE
COURTESANS: PORTRAITS OF THE RENAISSANCE It was on March 16, the same day the
Duke of Gloucester wrote to Sir William, that Goethe recorded the first known performance
of what were destined to be called Emma's Attitudes. Just what these were, we
shall learn shortly. First, it must be emphasized that the Attitudes were a
show for favored eyes only. • . . . Goethe, disciple of Winckelmann, was at
this date thrilled by the human form, as a contemporary writes. Here was the
ideal spectatorfor the classical drama Emma and Sir William had wrought in the
long winter evenings.Let us take our seats beside Goethe and settle to watch the
show as he describes it. • "Sit William Hamilton . . . has now, after many
years of devotion to the arts and the study of nature, found the acme of these
delights in the person of an English girl of twenty with a beautifulface and a
perfect figure. He has had a Greek costume made for her which becomes her extremely.
Dressed in this, he lets down her hair and, with a few shawls, gives so much
variety to her poses, gestures, expressions, etc. that the spectator can hardly
believe his eyes. He sees what thousands of artists would have liked to Asian
woman) while enveloping his past and indeed their whole experience in
titillating bits of history. As Bouriscout later explained, "Pei Pu
screwed me in the head. ... I was having relations and in my thoughts, my
dreams, I was light-years away from what was true." Bouriscout thought he
was having an exotic adventure, an enduring fantasy of his. Less consciously,
he had an outlet for his repressed homosexuality. Pei Pu embodied his fantasy,
giving it flesh, by working first on his mind. The mind has two currents: it
wants to believe in things that are pleasant to believe in, yet it has a
self-protective need to be suspicious of people. If you start off too
theatrical, trying too hard to create a fantasy, you will feed that suspicious
side of the mind, and once fed, the doubts will not go away. Instead, you must
start slowly, building trust, while perhaps letting people see a little touch
of something strange or exciting about you to tease their interest. Then you
build up your story, like any piece of fiction. You have established a
foundation of trust-now the fantasies and dreams you envelop them in are
suddenly believable. Remember: people want to believe in the extraordinary;
with a little groundwork, a little mental foreplay, they will fall for your
illusion. If anything, err on the side of reality: use real props (like the
child Pei Pu showed Bouriscout) and add thefantastical touches in your words,
or an occasional gesture that gives you a slight unreality. Once you sense that
they are hooked, you can deepen the spell, go further and further into the
fantasy. At that point they will have gone so far into their own minds that you
will no longer have to bother with verisimilitude. Wish Fulfillment I n 1762,
Catherine, wife of Czar Peter III, staged a coup against her ineffectual
husband and proclaimed herself empress of Russia. Over the next few years
Catherine ruled alone, but kept a series of lovers. The Russians called these
men th evremienchiki, "the men of the moment," and in 1774 the man of
the moment was Gregory Potemkin, a thirty-five-year-old lieutenant, ten years
younger than Catherine, and a most unlikely candidate for the role. Potemkin
was coarse and not at all handsome (he had lost an eye in an accident). But he
knew how to make Catherine laugh, and he worshiped her so intensely that she
eventually succumbed. He quickly became the love of her life. Catherine
promoted Potemkin higher and higher in the hierarchy, eventually making him the
governor of White Russia, a large southwestern area including the Ukraine. As
governor, Potemkin had to leave St. Petersburg and go to live in the south. He
knew that Catherine could not do without male companionship, so he took it upon
himself to name Catherine's subsequent vremienchiki. She not only approved of
this arrangement, she made it clear that Potemkin would always remain her favorite.
Catherine's dream was to start a war with Turkey, recapture Constan- Confuse
Desire and Reality-The Perfect Illusion • 301 tinople for the Orthodox Church,
and drive the Turks out of Europe. She offered to share this crusade with the
young Hapsburg emperor, Joseph II, but Joseph never quite brought himself to
sign the treaty that would unite them in war. Growing impatient, in 1783
Catherine annexed the Crimea, a southern peninsula that was mostly populated by
Muslim Tartars. She asked Potemkin to do there what he had already managed to
do in the Ukraine- rid the area of bandits, build roads, modernize the ports,
bring prosperity to the poor. Once he had cleaned it up, the Crimea would make
the perfect launching post for the war against Turkey The Crimea was a backward
wasteland, but Potemkin loved the challenge. Getting to work on a hundred
different projects, he grew intoxicated with visions of the miracles he would
perform there. He would establish a capital on the Dnieper River, Ekaterinoslav
("To the glory of Catherine"), that would rival St. Petersburg and
would house a university outshining anything in Europe. The countryside would
hold endless fields of corn, orchards with rare fruits from the Orient,
silkworm farms, new towns with bustling marketplaces. On a visit to the empress
in 1785, Potemkin talked of these things as if they already existed, so vivid
were his descriptions. The empress was delighted, but her ministers were
skeptical-Potemkin loved to talk. Ignoring their warnings, in 1787 Catherine
arranged for a tour of the area. She asked Joseph II to join her-he would be so
impressed with the modernization of the Crimea that he would immediately sign
on for the war against Turkey. Potemkin, naturally, was to organize the whole affair.
And so, in May of that year, after the Dnieper had thawed, Catherine prepared
for a journey from Kiev, in the Ukraine, to Sebastopol, in the Crimea. Potemkin
arranged for seven floating palaces to carry Catherine and her retinue down theriver.Thejourneybegan,andasCatherine,Joseph,and
the courtiers looked at the shores to either side, they saw triumphal arches in
front of clean-looking towns, their walls freshly painted; healthy-looking
cattle grazing in the pastures; streams of marching troops on the roads;
buildings going up everywhere. At dusk they were entertained by bright-costumed
peasants, and smiling girls with flowers in their hair, dancing on the shore.
Catherine had traveled through this area many years before, and the poverty of
the peasantry there had saddened her-she had determined then that she would
somehow change their lot. To see before her eyes the signs of such a
transformation overwhelmed her, and she berated Potemkin's critics: Look at
what my favorite has accomplished, look at these miracles! They anchored at
three towns along the way, staying in each place in a magnificent, newly built
palace with artificial waterfalls in the English-style gardens. On land they
moved through villages with vibrant marketplaces; the peasants were happily at
work, building and repairing. Everywhere they spent the night, some spectacle
filled their eyes-dances, parades, mythological tableaux vivants, artificial
volcanoes illuminating Moorish gardens. Finally, at the end of the trip, in the
palace at Sebastopol, Catherine and express realized before him inmovementsandsurprisingtransformationsstanding,
kneeling, sitting, reclining, serious, sad, playful, ecstatic, contrite, alluring,
threatening, anxious, one pose follows another without a break. She knows how
to arrange the folds of her veil to match each mood, and has a hundred ways of
turning it into a headdress. The old knight idolizes her and isquite
enthusiastic about everything she does. In her he has found all the antiquities,
all the profiles of Sicilian coins, even the Apollo Belvedere. This much is
certain: as a performance it's like nothing you ever saw before in your life.
We have already enjoyed it on two evenings." -FLORA FRASER, EMMA. LADY
HAMILTON For this uncanny is in reality nothing new or alien, but something
which is familiar and old- established in the mind and which has become alienated
from it only through the process of repression. This reference to the factor of
repression enables us, furthermore, to understand Schelling's definition of the
uncanny as something which ought to have remained hidden but has come to light.
. . . • . . . There is one more point of general application which I should
like to add. . . . This is that an uncanny ffkt is often and easily produced
when the distinction between imagination and reality is effaced, as when
something that we have hitherto regarded as imaginary appears before us in
reality, or when a symbol takes over the full functionsof the thing it
symbolizes, and so on. It is this factor which contributes not a little to the
uncanny effect attaching to magical practices. The infantile element in this,
which also dominates the minds of neurotics, is the overaccentuation of psychical
reality in comparison with material Joseph discussed the war with Turkey.
Joseph reiterated his concerns. Suddenly Potemkin interrupted: "I have
100,000 troops waiting for me to say 'Go!' " At that moment the windows of
the palace were flung open, and to the sounds of booming cannons they saw lines
of troops as far as the eye could see, and a fleet of ships filling the harbor.
Awed by the sight, images of Eastern European cities retaken from the Turks
dancing in his mind, Joseph II finally signed the treaty. Catherine was
ecstatic, and her love for Potemkin reached new heights. He had made her dreams
come true. Catherine never suspected that almost everything she had seen was
pure fakery, perhaps the most elaborate illusion ever conjured up by one man. reality-a
feature closely allied to the belief in the omnipotence of thoughts. -SIGMUND
FREUD, "THE UNCANNY," IN PSYCHOLOGICAL WRITINGSANDLETTERS Interpretation.
In the four years that he had been governor of the Crimea, Potemkin had
accomplished little, for this backwater would take decades to improve. But in
the few months before Catherine's visit he had done the following: every
building that faced the road or the shore was given a fresh coat of paint;
artificial trees were set up to hide unseemly spots in the view; broken roofs
were repaired with flimsy boards painted to look like tile; everyone the party
would see was instructed to wear their best clothes and look happy; everyone
old and infirm was to stay indoors. Floating in their palaces down the Dnieper,
the imperial entourage saw brand-new villages, but most of the buildings were
only facades. The herds of cattle were shipped from great distances, and were
moved at night to fresh fields along the route. The dancing peasants were
trained for the entertainments; after each one they were loaded into carts and
hurriedly transported to a new downriver location, as were the marching
soldiers who seemed to be everywhere. The gardens of the new palaces were
filled with transplanted trees that died a few days later. The palaces
themselves were quickly and badly built, but were so magnificently furnished
that no one noticed. One fortress along the way had been built of sand, and was
destroyed a little later by a thunderstorm. The cost of this vast illusion had
been enormous, and the war with Turkey would fail, but Potemkin had
accomplished his goal. To the observant, of course, there were signs along the
way that all was not as it seemed, but when the empress herself insisted that
everything was real and glorious, the courtiers could only agree. This was the
essence of the seduction: Catherine had wanted so desperately to be seen as a
loving and progressive ruler, one who would defeat the Turks and liberate
Europe, that when she saw signs of change in the Crimea, her mind filled in the
picture. When our emotions are engaged, we often have trouble seeing things as they
are. Feelings of love cloud our vision, making us color events to coincide with
our desires. To make people believe in the illusions you create, you need to
feed the emotions over which they have least control. Often the best way to do
this is to ascertain their unsatisfied desires, their wishes crying out for
fulfillment. Perhaps they want to see themselves as noble or romantic, but life
has thwarted them. Perhaps they want an adventure. If Confuse Desire and
Reality-The Perfect Illusion something seems to validate this wish, they become
emotional and irrational, almost to the point of hallucination. Remember to
envelop them in your illusion slowly. Potemkin did not start with grand
spectacles, but with simple sights along the way, such as grazing cattle. Then
he brought them on land, heightening the drama, until the calculated climax
when the windows were flung open to reveal a mighty war machine-actually a few
thousand men and boats lined up in such a way as to suggest many more. Like
Potemkin, involve the target in some kind ofjourney, physical or otherwise. The
feeling of a shared adventure is rife with fantasy associations. Make people
feel that they are getting to see and live out something that relates to their
deepest yearnings and they will see happy, prosperous villages where there are
only facades. Here the real journey through Potemkin's fairyland began. It was
like a dream-the waking dream of some magician who had discovered the secret of
materializing his visions. . . . [Catherine] and her companions had left the
world of reality behind. . . . Their talk was of Iphigenia and the ancient gods,
and Catherine felt that she was both Alexander and Cleopatra. - GINA KAUS Keys
to Seduction T he real world can be unforgiving: events occur over which we
have little control, other people ignore our feelings in their quests to get
what they need, time runs out before we accomplish what we had wanted. If we ever
stopped to look at the present and future in a completely objective way, we
would despair. Fortunately we develop the habit of dreaming early on. In this
other, mental world that we inhabit, the future is full of rosy possibilities.
Perhaps tomorrow we will sell that brilliant idea, or meet the person who will
change our lives. Our culture stimulates these fantasies with constant images
and stories of marvelous occurrences and happy romances. The problem is, these
images and fantasies exist only in our minds, or on-screen. They really aren't
enough-we crave the real thing, not this endless daydreaming and titillation.
Your task as a seducer is to bring some flesh and blood into someone's fantasy
life by embodying a fantasy figure, or creating a scenario resembling that
person's dreams. No one can resist the pull of a secret desire that has come to
life before their eyes. You must first choose targets who have some repression
or dream unrealized-always the most likely victims of a seduction. Slowly and
gradually, you will build up the illusion that they are getting to see and feel
and live those dreams of theirs. Once they have this sensation they will lose
contact with reality, and begin to see your fantasy as more real than anything
else. And once they 304 The Art of Seduction lose touch with reality, they are
(to quote Stendhal on Lord Byron's female victims) like roasted larks that fall
into your mouth. Most people have a misconception about illusion. As any
magician knows, it need not be built out of anything grand or theatrical; the
grand and theatrical can in fact be destructive, calling too much attention to
you and your schemes. Instead create the appearance of normality. Once your targets
feel secure-nothing is out of the ordinary-you have room to deceive them. Pei
Pu did not spin the lie about his gender immediately; he took his time, made
Bouriscout come to him. Once Bouriscout had fallen for it, Pei Pu continued to
wear men's clothes. In animating a fantasy, the great mistake is imagining it
must be larger than life. That would border on camp, which is entertaining but
rarely seductive. Instead, what you aim for is what Freud called the
"uncanny," something strange and familiar at the same time, like a
deja vu, or a childhood memory-anything slightly irrational and dreamlike. The
uncanny, the mix of the real and the unreal, has immense power over our
imaginations. The fantasies you bring to life for your targets should not be
bizarre or exceptional; they should be rooted in reality, with a hint of the
strange, the theatrical, the occult (in talk of destiny, for example). You
vaguely remind people of something in their childhood, or a character in a film
or book. Even before Bouriscout heard Pei Pu's story, he had the uncanny
feeling ofsomethingremarkable and fantastical in this normal-looking man. The
secret to creating an uncanny effect is to keep it subtle and suggestive. Emma
Hart came from a prosaic background, her father a country blacksmith in
eighteenth-century England. Emma was beautiful, but had no other talents to her
credit. Yet she rose to become one of the greatest seductresses in history,
seducing first Sir William Hamilton, the English ambassador to the court of
Naples, and then (as Lady Hamilton, Sir William's wife) Vice-Admiral Lord
Nelson. What was strangest when you met her was an uncanny sense that she was a
figure from the past, a woman out of Greek myth or ancient history. Sir William
was a collector of Greek and Roman antiquities; to seduce him, Emma cleverly
made herself resemble a Greek statue, and mythical figures in paintings of the
time. It was not just the way she wore her hair, or dressed, but her poses, the
way she carried herself. It was as if one of the paintings he collected had
come to life. Soon Sir William began to host parties in his home in Naples at
which Emma would wear costumes and pose, re-creating images from mythology and history.
Dozens of men fell in love with her, for she embodied an image from their
childhood, an image of beauty and perfection. The key to this fantasy creation
was some sharedcultural association-mythology, historical seductresses like
Cleopatra. Every culture has a pool of such figures from the distant and
not-so-distant past. You hint at a similarity, in spirit and in appearance-but
you are flesh and blood. What could be more thrilling than the sense of being
in the presence of some fantasy figure going back to your earliest memories? One
night Pauline Bonaparte, the sister of Napoleon, held a gala affair Confuse
Desire and Reality-The Perfect Illusion • 305 in her house. Afterward, a
handsome German officer approached her in the garden and asked for her help in
passing along a request to the emperor. Pauline said she would do her best, and
then, with a rather mysterious look in her eye, asked him to come back to the
same spot the next night. The officer returned, and was greeted by a young
woman who led him to some rooms near the garden and then to a magnificent
salon, complete with an extravagant bath. Moments later, another young woman
entered through a side door, dressed in the sheerest garments. It was Pauline.
Bells were rung, ropes were pulled, and maids appeared, preparing the bath,
giving the officer a dressing gown, then disappearing. The officer later
described the evening as something out of a fairy tale, and he had the feeling
that Pauline was deliberately acting the part of somemythical seductress.
Pauline was beautiful and powerful enough to get almost any man she wanted, and
she wasn't interested simply in luring a man into bed; she wanted to envelop him
in romantic adventure, seduce his mind. Part of the adventure was the feeling
that she was playing a role, and was inviting her target along into this shared
fantasy. Role playing is immensely pleasurable. Its appeal goes back to childhood,
where we first leam the thrill of trying on different parts, imitating adults
or figures out of fiction. As we get older and society fixes a role on us, a
part of us yearns for the playful approach we once had, the masks we were able
to wear. We still want to play that game, to act a different role in life.
Indulge your targets in this wish by first making it clear that you are playing
a role, then inviting them to join you in a shared fantasy. The more you set
things up like a play or a piece of fiction, the better. Notice how Pauline
began the seduction with a mysterious request that the officer reappear the
next night; then a second woman led him into a magical series of rooms. Pauline
herself delayed her entrance, and when she appeared, she did not mention his
business with Napoleon, or anything remotely banal. She had an ethereal air
about her; he was being invited to enter a fairy tale. The evening was real,
but had an uncanny resemblance to an erotic dream. Casanova took role playing
still further. He traveled with an enormous wardrobe and a trunk full of props,
many of them gifts for his targets- fans, jewels, other accouterments. And some
of the things he said and did were borrowed from novels he had read and stories
he had heard. He enveloped women in a romantic atmosphere that was heightened
yet quite real to their senses. Like Casanova, you must see the world as a kind
of theater. Inject a certain lightness into the roles you are playing; try to
create a sense of drama and illusion; confuse people with the slight unreality
of words and gestures inspired by fiction; in daily life, be the consummate actor.
Our culture reveres actors because of their freedom to play roles. It is something
that all of us envy. For years, the Cardinal de Rohan had been afraid that he
had somehow offended his queen, Marie Antoinette. She would not so much as look
at him. Then, in 1784, the Comtesse de Lamotte-Valois suggested to him that the
queen was prepared not only to change this situation but actually to befriend
him. The queen, said Lamotte-Valois, would indicate this in her next formal
reception-she would nod to him in a particular way. During the reception, Rohan
indeed noticed a slight change in the queen's behavior toward him, and a barelyperceptibleglance
at him. He was oveijoyed. Now the countess suggested they exchange letters, and
Rohan spent days writing and rewriting his first letter to the queen. To his delight
he received one back. Next the queen requested a private interview with him in
the gardens of Versailles. Rohan was beside himself with happiness and anxiety.
At nightfall he met the queen in the gardens, fell to the ground, and kissed
the hem of her dress. "You may hope that the past will be forgotten,"
she said. At this moment they heard voices approaching, and the queen,
frightened that someone would see them together, quickly fled with her
servants. But Rohan soon received a request from her, again through the
countess: she desperately wanted to acquire the most beautiful diamond necklace
ever created. She needed a go-between to purchase it for her, since the king
thought it too expensive. She had chosen Rohan for the task. The cardinal was
only too willing; in performing this task he would prove his loyalty, and the
queen would be indebted to him forever. Rohan acquired the necklace. The
countess was to deliver it to the queen. Now Rohan waited for the queen both to
thank him and slowly to pay him back. Yet this never happened. The countess was
in fact a grand swindler; the queen had never nodded to him, he had only
imagined it. The letters he had received from her were forgeries, and not even
very good ones. The woman he had met in the park had been a prostitute paid to
dress and act the part. The necklace was of course real, but once Rohan had
paid for it, and handed it over to the countess, it disappeared. It was broken
into parts, which were hawked all over Europe for enormous amounts. And when Rohan
finally complained to the queen, news of the extravagant purchase spread
rapidly. The public believed Rohan's story-that the queen had indeed bought the
necklace, and was pretending otherwise. This fiction was the first step in the
ruin of her reputation. Everyone has lost something in life, has felt the pangs
of disappointment. The idea that we can get something back, that a mistake can
be righted, is immensely seductive. Under the impression that the queen was prepared
to forgive some mistake he had made, Rohan hallucinated all kinds of
things-nods that did not exist, letters that were the flimsiest of forgeries, a
prostitute who became Marie Antoinette. The mind is infinitely vulnerable to
suggestion, and even more so when strong desires are involved. And nothing is
stronger than the desire to change the past, right a wrong, satisfy a
disappointment. Find these desires in your victims and creating a believable
fantasy will be simple for you: few have the power to see through anillusion
they desperately want to believe in. Confuse Desire and Reality-The Perfect
Illusion • 307 Symbol: Shangri-La. Everyone has a vision in their mind of a perfect
place where people are kind and noble, where their dreams can be realized and
their wishes fulfilled, where life isfull of adventure and romance. Lead the
target on a journey there, give them a glimpse of Shangri- La through the mists
on the mountain, and they willfall in love. Reversal T here is no reversal to
this chapter. No seduction can proceed without creating illusion, the sense of
a world that is real but separate from reality. 15 Isolate the Victim An isolated
person is weak. By slowly isolating your victims, you make them more vulnerable
to your influence. Their isolation may be psychological: by filling their field
of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them, you crowd out everything
else in their mind. They see and think only of you. The isolation may also be
physical: you take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, home.
Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo-they are leaving one world
behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside
support, and in their confusion they are easily led astray. Lure the seduced
into your lair, where nothing is familiar. Isolation-the Exotic Effect I n the
early fifth century B.C., Fu Chai, the Chinese king of Wu, defeated his great
enemy, Kou Chien, the king of Yueh, in a series of battles. Kou Chien was
captured and forced to serve as a groom in Fu Chai's stables. He was finally
allowed to return home, but every year he had to pay a large tribute of money
and gifts to Fu Chai. Over the years, this tribute added up, so that the
kingdom of Wu prospered and Fu Chai grew wealthy One year Kou Chien sent a
delegation to Fu Chai: they wanted to know if he would accept a gift of two
beautiful maidens as part of the tribute. Fu Chai was curious, and accepted the
offer. The women arrived a few days later, amid much anticipation, and the king
received them in his palace. The two approached the throne-their hair was
magnificendy coiffured, in what was called "the cloud-cluster" style,
ornamented with pearl ornaments and kingfisher feathers. As they walked, jade
pendants hanging from their girdles made the most delicate sound. The air was
full of some delightful perfume. The king was extremely pleased. The beauty of
one of the girls far surpassed that of the other; her name was Hsi Shih. She
looked him in the eye without a hint of shyness; in fact she was confident and
coquettish, something he was not used to seeing in such a young girl. Fu Chai
called for festivities to commemoratetheoccasion. The halls of the palace
filled with revelers; inflamed with wine, Hsi Shih danced before the king. She
sang, and her voice was beautiful. Reclining on a couch of white jade, she
looked like a goddess. The king could not leave her side. The next day he
followed her everywhere. To his astonishment, she was witty, sharp, and
knowledgeable, and could quote the classics better than he could. When he had
to leave her to deal with royal affairs, his mind was full of her image. Soon
he brought her with him to his councils, asking her advice on important
matters. She told him to listen less to his ministers; he was wiser than they
were, his judgment superior. Hsi Shill's power grew daily. Yet she was not easy
to please; if the king failed to grant some wish of hers, tears would fill her
eyes, his heart would melt, and he would yield. One day she begged him to build
her a palace outside the capital. Of course, he obliged her. And when he visited
the palace, he was astounded at its magnificence, even though he had paid the
bills: Hsi Shih had filled it with the most extravagant furnishings. The grounds
contained an artificial lake with marble bridges crossing over it. Fu Chai
spent more and more time here, sitting by a pool and watching Hsi In the state
of Wu great preparations had been made for the reception of the two beauties.
The king received them in audience surrounded by his ministers and all his
court. As they approached him the jade pendants attached to their girdles made
a musical sound and the air was fragrant with the scent of their gowns. Pearl ornaments
and kingfisher feathers adorned their hair. • Fu Chai, the king of Wu, looked
into the lovely eyes of Hsi Shih (495-472 B.C.) and forgot his people and his state.
Now she did not turn away and blush as she had done three yearspreviously
beside the little brook. She was complete mistress of the art of seduction and
she knew how to encourage the king to look again. Fu Chai hardly noticed the
second girl, whose quiet charms did not attract him. He had eyes only for Hsi Shih,
and before the audience was over those at court realized that the girl would be
a force to be reckoned with and that she would be able to influence the king
either for good or ill. ..." Amidst the revelers in the halls of Wu, Hsi
Shih wove her net offascination about the heart of the susceptible monarch. . .
. "Inflamed by wine, she now begins to sing / The songs of Wu to please
the fatuous king; / And in the dance of Tsu she subtly blends /All rhythmic
movements to her sensuous ends." . . . But she could do more than sing and
dance to amuse the king. She had wit, and her grasp of politics astonished him.
When there was anything she wanted she could shed tears which so moved her
lover's heart that he could refuse her nothing. For she was, as Fan Li had
said, the one and only, the incomparable Hsi Shih, whose magnetic personality attracted
everyone, many even against their own will. . . . • Embroidered Shih comb her
hair, using the pool as a mirror. He would watch her playing with her birds, in
their jeweled cages, or simply walking through the palace, for she moved like a
willow in the breeze. The months went by; he stayed in the palace. He missed
councils, ignored his family and friends, neglected his public functions. He
lost track of time. When a delegation came to talk to him of urgent matters, he
was too distracted to listen. If anything but Hsi Shih took up his time, he
worried unbearably that she would be angry. Finally word reached him of a
growing crisis: the fortune he had spent on the palace had bankrupted the
treasury, and the people were discontented. He returned to the capital, but it
was too late: an army from the kingdom of Yueh had invaded Wu, and had reached
the capital. All was lost. Fu Chai had no time to rejoin his beloved Hsi Shih.
Instead of letting himself be captured by the king of Yueh, the man who had
once served in his stables, he committed suicide. Little did he know that Kou
Chien had plotted this invasion for years, and that Hsi Shift's elaborate
seduction was the main part of his plan. Interpretation. Kou Chien wanted to
make sure that his invasion of Wu would not fail. His enemy was not Fu Chai's
armies, or his wealth and his resources, but his mind. If he could be deeply
distracted, his mind filled with something other than affairs of state, he
would fall like ripe fruit. Kou Chien found the most beautiful maiden in his
realm. For three silk curtains encrusted with coral and gems, scented furniture
and screens inlaid with jade and mother-of- pearl were among the luxuries which
surrounded the favorite. . . . On one of the hills near the palace there was a
celebrated pool of clear water which has been known ever since as the pool of
the king of Wu. Here, to amuse her lover, Hsi Shih would make her toilet, using
the pool as a mirror while the infatuated king combed her hair. . . . -ELOISE
TALCOTT HIBBERT, EMBROIDERED GAUZE: PORTRAITS OR FAMOUS CHINESE LADIES years he
had her trained in all of the arts-not just singing, dancing, and calligraphy,
but how to dress, how to talk, how to play the coquette. And it worked: Hsi
Shih did not allow Fu Chai a moment's rest. Everything about her was exotic and
unfamiliar. The more attention he paid to her hair, her moods, her glances, the
way she moved, the less he thought about diplomacy and war. Hewas driven to
distraction. All of us today are kings protecting the tiny realm of our own
lives, weighed down by all kinds of responsibilities, surrounded by ministers
and advisers. A wall forms around us-we are immune to the influence of other people,
because we are so preoccupied. Like Hsi Shih, then, you must lure your targets
away, gently, slowly, from the affairs that fill their mind. And what will best
lure them from their castles is the whiff of the exotic. Offer something
unfamiliar that will fascinate them and hold their attention. Be different in
your manners and appearance, and slowly envelop them in this different world of
yours. Keep your targets off balance with coquettish changes of mood. Do not
worry that the disruption you represent is making them emotional-that is a sign
of their growing weakness. Most people are ambivalent: on the one hand they feel
comforted by their habits and duties, on the other they are bored, and ripe for
anything that seems exotic, that seems to come from somewhere else. They may
struggle or have doubts, but exotic pleasures are irresistible. The more you
can get them Isolate the Victim • 313 into your world, the weaker they become.
As with the king of Wu, by the time they realize what has happened, it is too
late. Isolation-The "Only You" Effect I n 1948, the
twenty-nine-year-old actress Rita Hayworth, known as Hollywood's Love Goddess,
was at a low point in her life. Her marriage to Orson Welles was breaking up,
her mother had died, and her career seemed stalled. That summer she headed for
Europe. Welles was in Italy at the time, and in the back of her mind she was
dreaming of a reconciliation. Rita stopped first at the French Riviera.
Invitations poured in, particularly from wealthy men, for at the time she was
considered the most beautiful woman in the world. Aristotle Onassis and the
Shah of Iran telephoned her almost daily, begging for a date. She turned them
all down. A few days after her arrival, though, she received an invitation from
Elsa Maxwell, the society hostess, who was giving a little party in Cannes.
Rita balked but Maxwell insisted, telling her to buy a new dress, show up a
little late, and make a grand entrance. Rita played along, and arrived at the
party wearing a white Grecian gown, her red hair falling over her bare
shoulders. She was greeted by a reaction she had grown used to: all
conversation stopped as both men and women turned in their chairs, the men
gazing in amazement, the women jealous. A man hurried to her side and escorted
her to her table. It was thirty-seven-year-old Prince Aly Khan, the son of the
Aga Khan III, who was the worldwide leader of the Islamic Ismaili sect andone
of the richest men in the world. Rita had been warned about Aly Khan, a notorious
rake. To her dismay, they were seated next to each other, and he never left her
side. He asked her a million questions-about Hollywood, her interests, on and
on. She began to relax a little and open up. There were other beautiful women
there, princesses, actresses, but Aly Khan ignored them all, acting as if Rita
were the only woman there. He led her onto the dance floor, and though he was
an expert dancer, she felt uncomfortable-he held her a little too close. Still,
when he offered to drive her back to her hotel, she agreed. They sped along the
Grande Corniche; it was a beautiful night. For one evening she had managed to
forget her many problems, and she was grateful, but she was still in love with
Welles, and an affair with a rake like Aly Khan was not what she needed. Aly
Khan had to fly off on business for a few days; he begged her to stay at the
Riviera until he got back. While he was away, he telephoned constantly. Every
morning a giant bouquet of flowers arrived. On the telephone he seemed
particularly annoyed that the Shah of Iran was trying hard to see her, and he
made her promise to break the date to which she had finally agreed. During this
time, a gypsy fortune-teller visited the hotel, and Rita agreed to have her
fortune read. "Youareaboutto embark on the In Cairo Aly bumped into [the
singer ] Juliette Greco again. He asked her to dance. • "You have too bad a
reputation," she replied. "We're going to sit very much apart. "
• "What are you doing tomorrow?" he insisted. • "Tomorrow I take
a plane to Beirut." • When she boarded the plane, Aly was already on it,
grinning at her surprise. . . . • Dressed in tight black leather slacks and a
black sweater [Greco] stretched languorously in an armchair of her Paris house and
observed: • "They say I am a dangerous woman. Well, Aly was a dangerous man.
He was charming in a very special way. There is a kind of man who is very clever
with women. He takes you out to a restaurant and if the most beautiful woman
comes in, he doesn't look at her. He makes youfeel you are a queen. Of course,
I understood it. I didn't believe it. I would laugh and point out the beautiful
woman. But that is me. . . . Most women are made very happy by that kind of
attention. It's pure vanity. She thinks, 'I'll be the one and the others will
leave.' • "... With Aly, how the woman felt was most important. . . . He
was a great charmer, a great seducer. He made you feel fine and that everything
was easy. No problems. Nothing to worry about. Or regret. It was always, 'What
can I do for you? What do you need?' Airplane tickets, cars, boats; you felt
you were on a pink cloud." -LEONARD SLATER, ALY: A BIOGRAPHY 314 ANNE:
Didst thou not kill this king [Henry VI]? \ RICHARD: I grant ye. . . . \ ANNE:
And thou unfit for any place, but hell. \ RICHARD: Yes, one place else, if you
will hear me name it. \ ANNE: Some dungeon. \ RICHARD: Your bedchamber, \ ANNE:
III rest betide the chamber where thou liest! \ RICHARD: So will it, madam,
till I lie with you. . . . But gentle Lady Anne . . . \ Is not the causer of
the timeless deaths \ Of these Plantagenets, Henry and Edward, \ As blameful as
the executioner? \ ANNE: Thou wast the cause and most accursed effect. \ RICHARD:
Your beauty was the cause of that effect - \ Your beauty, that did haunt me in
my sleep \ To undertake the death of all the world, \ So I might live one hour
in your sweet bosom. -WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, THE TRAGEDY OF KING RICHARD III My
child, my sister, dream \ How sweet all things would seem \ Were we in that
kind land to live together, \And there love slow and long, \ There love and die
among \ Those scenes that image you, that sumptuous weather. \ Drowned suns
that glimmer there \ Through cloud-dishevelled air \ Move me with such a mystery
as appears \ Within those other skies \ Of your treacherous eyes \ When I
behold them shining through their tears. \ There, there is nothing else but
grace and measure, \ Richness, quietness, and pleasure. . . . \ See, greatest
romance of your life," the gypsy told her. "He is somebody you already
know. . . . You must relent and give in to him totally. Only if you do that
will you find happiness at long last." Not knowing who this man could be,
Rita, who had a weakness for the occult, decided to extend her stay. Aly Khan
came back; he told her that his chateau overlooking the Mediterranean was the
perfect place to escape from the press and forget her troubles, and that he
would behave himself. She relented. Life in the chateau was like a fairy tale;
wherever she turned, his Indian helpers were there to attend to her every wish.
At night he would take her into his enormous ballroom, where they would dance
all by themselves. Could this be the man the fortune-teller meant? Aly Khan
invited his friends over to meet her. Among this strange company she felt alone
again, and depressed; she decided to leave the chateau. Just then, as if he had
read her thoughts, Aly Khan whisked her off to Spain, the country that
fascinated her most. The press caught on to the affair, and began to hound them
in Spain: Rita had had a daughter with Welles-was this any way for a mother to
act? Aly Khan's reputation did not help, but he stood by her, shielding her
from the press as best he could. Now she was more alone than ever, and more
dependent on him. Near the end of the trip, Aly Khan proposed to Rita. She
turned him down; she did not think he was the kind of man you married. He
followed her to Hollywood, where her former friends were less friendly than before.
Thank God she had Aly Khan to help her. A year later she finally succumbed,
abandoning her career, moving to Aly Khan's chateau, and marrying him. Interpretation.
Aly Khan, like a lot of men, fell in love with Rita Hayworth the moment he saw
the film Gilda, in 1948. He made up his mind that he would seduce her somehow.
The moment he heard she was coming to the Riviera, he got his friend Elsa
Maxwell to lure her to the party and seat her next to him. He knew about the
breakup of her marriage, and how vulnerable she was. His strategy was to block
out everything else in her world-problems, other men, suspicion of him and his
motives, etc. His campaign began with the display of an intense interest in her
life- constant phone calls, flowers, gifts, all to keep him in her mind. He set
up the fortune-teller to plant the seed. When she began to fall for him, he introduced
her to his friends, knowing she would feel alienated among them, and therefore
dependent on him. Her dependence was heightened by the trip to Spain, where she
was on unfamiliar territory, besieged by reporters, and forced to cling to him
for help. He slowly came to dominate her thoughts. Everywhere she turned, there
he was. Finally she succumbed, out of weakness and the boost to her vanity that
his attention represented. Under his spell, she forgot about his horrid
reputation, relinquishing the suspicions that were the only thing protecting
her from him. It was not Aly Khan's wealth or looks that made him a great
seducer. Isolate the Victim • 315 He was not in fact very handsome, and his
wealth was more than offset by his bad reputation. His success was strategic:
he isolated his victims, working so slowly and subtly that they did not notice
it. The intensity of his attention made a woman feel that in his eyes, at that
moment, she was the only woman in the world. This isolation was experienced as
pleasure; the woman did not notice her growing dependence, how the way he
filled up her mind with his attention slowly isolated her from her friends and
her milieu. Her natural suspicions of the man were drowned out by his intoxicating
effect on her ego. Aly Khan almost always capped off his seductions by taking
the woman to some enchanted place on the globe-a place that he knew well, but
where the woman felt lost. Do not give your targets the time or space to worry
about, suspect, or resist you. Flood them with the kind of attention that
crowds out all other thoughts, concerns, and problems. Remember-people secretly
yearn to be led astray by someone who knows where they are going. It can be a
pleasure to let go, and even to feel isolated and weak, if the seduction is
done slowly and gracefully. Put them in a spot where they have no place to go,
and they will die before fleeing. shelteredfrom the swells \ There in the still
canals \ Those drowsy ships that dream of sailingforth; \ It is to satisfy \
Your least desire, they ply \ Hither through all the waters of the earth. \ The
sun at close of day \ Clothes the fields of hay, \ Then the canals, at last the
town entire \ In hyacinth and gold: \ Slowly the land is rolled \ Sleepward
under a sea of gentle fire. \ There, there is nothing else but grace and
measure, \ Richness, quietness, and pleasure. -CHARLES BAUDELAIRE, "INVITATION
TO THEVOYAGE," THE FLOWERS OF EVIL, TRANSLATED BY RICHARD WILBUR -SUN-TZU Keys
to Seduction T he people around you may seem strong, and more or less in
control of their lives, but that is merely a facade. Underneath, people are
more brittle than they let on. What lets them seem strong is the series of
nests and safety nets they envelop themselves in-their friends, their families,
their daily routines, which give them a feeling of continuity, safety, and control.
Suddenly pull the rug out from under them, drop them alone into some foreign
place where the familiar signposts are gone or scrambled, and you will see a
very different person. A target who is strong and settled is hard to seduce.
But even the strongest people canbe made vulnerable if you can isolate them
from their nests and safety nets. Block out their friends and family with your
constant presence, alienate them from the world they are used to, and take them
to places they do not know. Get them to spend time in your environment. Deliberately
disturb their habits, get them to do things they have never done. They will
grow emotional, making it easier to lead them astray. Disguise all this in the
form of a pleasurable experience, and your targets will wake up one day
distanced from everything that normally comforts them. Then they will turn to
you for help, like a child crying out for its mother when the lights are turned
out. In seduction, as in warfare, the isolated target is weak and vulnerable. In
Samuel Richardson's Clarissa, written in 1748, the rake Lovelace is The Art of
Seduction attempting to seduce the novel's beautiful heroine. Clarissa is
young, virtuous, and very much protected by her family. But Lovelace is a
conniving seducer. First he courts Clarissa's sister, Arabella. A match between
them seems likely. Then he suddenly switches attention to Clarissa, playing on sibling
rivalry to make Arabella furious. Their brother, James, is angered by Lovelace's
change in sentiments; he fights with Lovelace and is wounded. The whole family
is in an uproar, united against Lovelace, who, however, manages to smuggle
letters to Clarissa, and to visit her when she is at the house of a friend. The
family finds out, and accuses her of disloyalty. Clarissa is innocent; she has
not encouraged Lovelace's letters or visits. But now her parents are determined
to marry her off, to a rich older man. Alone in the world, about to be married
to a man she finds repulsive, she turns to Lovelace as the only one who can
save her from this mess. Eventually he rescues her by getting her to London,
where she can escape this dreaded marriage, but where she is also hopelessly
isolated. In these circumstances her feelings toward him soften. All of this
has been masterfully orchestrated by Lovelace himself-the turmoil within the
family, Clarissa's eventual alienation from them, the whole scenario. Your
worst enemies in a seduction are often your targets' family and friends. They
are outside your circle and immune to your charms; they may provide a voice of
reason to the seduced. You must work silently and subtly to alienate the target
from them. Insinuate that they are jealous of your target's good fortune in
finding you, or that they are parental figures who have lost a taste for
adventure. The latter argument is extremely effective with young people, whose
identities are in flux and who are more than ready to rebel against any
authority figure,particularly their parents. You represent excitement and life;
the friends and parents represent habit and boredom. In Shakespeare's The
Tragedy of King Richard III , Richard, when still the Duke of Gloucester, has
murdered King Henry VI and his son. Prince Edward. Shortly thereafter he
accosts Lady Anne, Prince Edward's widow, who knows what he has done to the two
men closest to her, and who hates him as much as a woman can hate. Yet Richard
attempts to seduce her. His method is simple: he tells her that what he did, he
did because of his love for her. He wanted there to be no one in her life but
him. His feelings were so strong he was driven to murder. Of course Lady Anne
not only resists this line of reasoning, she abhors him. But he persists. Anne
is at a moment of extreme vulnerability-alone in the world, with no one to
support her, at the height of grief. Incredibly, his words begin to have an
effect. Murder is not a seductive tactic, but the seducer does enact a kind of killing-a
psychological one. Our past attachments are a barrier to the present. Even
people we have left behind can continue to have a hold on us. As a seducer you
will be held up to the past, compared to previous suitors, perhaps found inferior.
Do not let it get to that point. Crowd out the past with your attentions in the
present. If necessary, find waysto disparage their previous lovers-subtly or
not so subtly, depending on the situation. Even go so far as to open old
wounds, making them feel old pain and seeing by con- Isolate the Victim trast
how much better the present is. The more you can isolate them from their past,
the deeper they will sink with you into the present. The principle of isolation
can be taken literally by whisking the target off to ait exotic locale. This
was Aly Khan's method; a secluded island worked best, and indeed islands, cut
off from the rest of the world, have always been associated with the pursuit of
sensual pleasures. The Roman Emperor Tiberius descended into debauchery once he
made his home on the island of Capri. The danger of travel is that your targets
are intimately exposed to you-it is hard to maintain an air of mystery. But if
you take them to a place alluring enough to distract them, you will prevent
them from focusing on anything banal in your character. Cleopatra lured Julius Caesar
into taking a voyage down the Nile. Moving deeper into Egypt, he was further
isolated from Rome, and Cleopatra was all the more seductive. The
early-twentieth-century lesbian seductress Natalie Barney had an on- again-off-again
affair with the poet Renee Vivien; to regain her affections, she took Renee on
a trip to the island of Lesbos, a place Natalie had visited many times. In
doing so she not only isolated Renee but disarmed and distracted her with the
associations of the place, the home of the legendary lesbian poet Sappho.
Vivien even began to imagine that Natalie was Sappho herself. Do not take the
target just anywhere; pick the place that will have the most effective
associations. The seductive power of isolation goes beyond the sexual realm.
When new adherents joined Mahatma Gandhi's circle of devoted followers, they were
encouraged to cut off their ties with the past-with their family and friends.
This kind of renunciation has been a requirement of many religious sects over
the centuries. People who isolate themselves in this way are much more vulnerable
to influence and persuasion. A charismatic politician feeds off and even
encourages people's feelings of alienation. John F. Kennedy did this to great
effect when he subtly disparaged the Eisenhower years; the comfort of the
1950s, he implied, compromised American ideals. He invited Americans to join
him in a new life, on a "New Frontier," full of danger and
excitement. It was an extremely seductive lure, particularly for the young, who
were Kennedy's most enthusiastic supporters. Finally, at some point in the
seduction there must be a hint of danger in the mix. Your targets should feel
that they are gaining a greatadventure in following you, but are also losing
something-a part of their past, their cherished comfort. Actively encourage
these ambivalent feelings. An element of fear is the proper spice; although too
much fear is debilitating, in small doses it makes us feel alive. Like diving
out of an airplane, it is exciting, a thrill, at the same time that it is a
little frightening. And the only person there to break the fall, or catch them,
is you. Symbol: The Pied Piper. A jolly fellow in his red and yellow cloak, he
lures the childrenfrom their homes with the delightful sounds of his flute.
Enchanted, they do not notice how far they are walking, how they are leaving
their families behind. They do not even notice the cave he eventually leads
them into, and which closes upon them forever. Reversal T he risks of this
strategy are simple: isolate someone too quickly and you will induce a sense of
panic that may end up in the target's taking flight. The isolation you bring
must be gradual, and disguised as pleasure- the pleasure of knowing you,
leaving the world behind. In any case, some people are too fragile to be cut
off from their base of support. The great modern courtesan Pamela Harriman had
a solution to this problem: she isolated her victims from their families, their
former or present wives, and in place of those old connections she quickly set
up new comforts for her lovers. She overwhelmed them with attention, attending
to their every need. In the case of Averill Harriman, the billionaire who eventually
married her, she literally established a new home for him, one that had no associations
with the past and was full of the pleasures of the present. It is unwise to
keep the seduced dangling in midair for too long, with nothing familiar or
comforting in sight. Instead, replace the familiar things you have cut them off
from with a new home, a new series of comforts. Phase Three ThePrecipice - Deepening
the Effect Through Extreme Measures The goal in this phase is to make
everything deeper-the effect you have on their mind, feelings of love and
attachment, tension within your victims. With your hooks deep into them, you
can then push them back andforth, between hope and despair, until they weaken
and snap. Showing how far you are willing to go for your victims, doing some
noble or chivalrous deed (16: Prove yourself) will create a powerful jolt,
spark an intensely positive reaction. Everyone has scars, repressed desires,
and unfinished business from childhood. Bring these desires and wounds to the surface,
make your victims feel they are getting what they never got as a child and you
will penetrate deep into their psyche, stir uncontrollable emotions (17: Effect
a regression).Now you can take your victims past their limits, getting them to
act out their dark sides, adding a sense of danger to your seduction (18: Stir
up the transgressive and taboo). You need to deepen the spell, and nothing will
more confuse and enchant your victims than giving your seduction a spiritual
veneer. It is not lust that motivates you, but destiny, divine thoughts and
everything elevated (19: Use spiritual lures). The erotic lurks beneath the
spiritual. Now your victims have been properly set up. By deliberately hurting
them, instilling fears and anxieties, you will lead them to the edge of the precipicefrom
which it will be easy to push and make them fall (20: Mix pleasure with pain).
They feel great tension and are yearning for relief. i6 Prove Yourself Most people
want to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it is probably because you
have not gone far enough to allay their doubts-about your motives, the depth of
your feelings, and so on. One well-timed action that shows how far you are willing
to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking
foolish or making a mistake-any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for
your targets' sake will so overwhelm their emotions, they won't notice anything
else. Never appear discouraged by people 's resistance, or complain. Instead,
meet the challenge by doing something extreme or chivalrous. Conversely, spur others
to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattainable, worth
fighting over. Seductive Evidence A nyone can talk big, say lofty things about
their feelings, insist on how much they care for us, and also for all oppressed
peoples in the far reaches of the planet. But if they never behave in a way
that will back up their words, we begin to doubt their sincerity-perhaps we are
dealing with a charlatan, or a hypocrite or a coward. Flattery and fine words
can only go so far. A time will eventually arrive when you will have to show your
victim some evidence, to match your words with deeds. This kind of evidence has
two functions. First, it allays any lingering doubts about you. Second, an
action that reveals some positive quality in you is immensely seductive in and
of itself. Brave or selfless deeds create a powerful and positive emotional
reaction. Don't worry, your deeds do not have to be so brave and selfless that
you lose everything in the process. The appearance alone of nobility will often
suffice. In fact, in a world where people overanalyze and talk too much, any
kind of action has a bracing, seductive effect. It is normal in the course of a
seduction to encounter resistance. The more obstacles you overcome, of course,
the greater the pleasure that awaits you, but many a seduction fails because
the seducer does not correctly read the resistances of the target. More often
than not, you give up too easily. First, understand a primary law of seduction:
resistance is a sign that the other person's emotions are engaged in the
process. The only person you cannot seduce is somebody distant and cold.
Resistance is emotional, and can be transformed into its opposite, much as, in
jujitsu, the physical resistance of an opponent can be used to make him fall.
If people resist you because they don't trust you, an apparently selfless deed,
showing how far you are willing to go to prove yourself, is a powerful remedy.
If they resist because they are virtuous, or because they are loyal to someone
else, all the better-virtue and repressed desire are easily overcome by action.
As the great seductress Natalie Barney once wrote, "Most virtue is a
demand for greater seduction." There are two ways to prove yourself.
First, the spontaneous action: a situation arises in which the target needs
help, a problem needs solving, or, simply, he or she needs a favor. You cannot
foresee these situations, but you must be ready for them, for they can spring
up at any time. Impress the target by going further than really
necessary-sacrificing more money, more time, more effort than they had
expected. Your target will often use these Loveisa species of warfare. Slack
troopers, go elsewhere! \ It takes more than cowards to guard \ These
standards. Night- duty in winter, long-route marches, every \ Hardship, all
forms of suffering: these await \ The recruit who expects a soft option. You'll
often be out in \ Cloudbursts, and bivouac on the bare \ Ground. . . . Is
lasting \ Love your ambition? Then put away all pride. \ The simple, straightforward
way in may be denied you, \ Doors bolted, shut in your face - \ So be ready to
slip down from the roof through a lightwell, \ Or sneak in by an upper-floor
window. She'll be glad \ To know you 're risking your neck, andfor her sake:
that will offer \ Any mistress sure proof of your love. - OVID, THE ART OF
LOVE. TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN The man says: " . . .A fruit picked from
one's own orchard ought to taste sweeter than one obtained from a stranger's
tree, and what has been attained by greater effort is cherished more dearly
than what is gained with little trouble. As the proverb says: 'Prizes great
cannot be won unless some heavy labor's done .• The woman says: "If no
great prizes can be won unless some heavy labor's done, you must suffer the exhaustion
of many toils to be able to attain thefavors you seek, since what you ask for
is a greater prize. " • The man says: "I give you all the thanks that
I can express for sosagely promising me your love when I have performed great
toils. Godforbid that I or any other could win the love of so worthy a woman
without first attaining it by many labors." -ANDREAS CAPELLANUS ON LOVE.
TRANSLATED BY P. G.WALSH One day, [Saint-Preuil] pleaded more than usual that
[Madame de la Maisonfort ] grant him the ultimate favors a woman could offer,
and he went beyond just words in his pleading. Madame, saying he had gone way
too far, ordered him to never ever appear before her again. He left her room.
Only an hour later, the lady was taking her customary walk along one of those
beautiful canals at Bagnolet, when Saint-Preuil leapt outfrom behind a hedge,
totally naked, and standing before his mistress in this state, he cried out,
"For the last time, Madame - Goodbye!" Thereupon, he threw himself
into the canal, head first. The lady, terrified by such a sight, moments, or
even manufacture them, as a kind of test: will you retreat? Or will you rise to
the occasion? You cannot hesitate or flinch, even for a moment, or all is lost.
If necessary, make the deed seem to have cost you more than it has, never with
words, but indirectly-exhausted looks, reports spread through a third party,
whatever it takes. The second way to prove yourself is the brave deed that you
plan and execute in advance, on your own and at the right moment-preferably some
way into the seduction, when any doubts the victim still has about you are more
dangerous than earlier on. Choose a dramatic, difficult action that reveals the
painful time and effort involved. Danger can be extremely seductive. Cleverly
lead your victim into a crisis, a moment of danger, or indirectly put them in
an uncomfortable position, and you can play the rescuer, the gallant knight.
The powerful feelings and emotions this elicits can easily be redirected into
love. Some Examples 1 . In France in the 1640s, Marion de l'Orme was the
courtesan men lusted after the most. Renowned for her beauty, she had been the
mistress of Cardinal Richelieu, among other notable political and military
figures. To win her bed was a sign of achievement. For weeks the rake Count
Grammont had wooed de l'Orme, and finally she had given him an appointment for
a particular evening. The count prepared himself for a delightful encounter,
but on the day of the appointment he received a letter from her in which she
expressed, in polite and tender terms, her terrible regrets-she had the most
awful headache, and would have to stay in bed that evening. Their appointment
would have to be postponed. The count felt certain he was being pushed to the
side for someone else, for de l'Orme was as capricious as she was beautiful. Grammont
did not hesitate. At nightfall he rode to the Marais, where de l'Orme lived,
and scouted the area. In a square near her home he spotted a man approaching on
foot. Recognizing the Due de Brissac, he immediately knew that this man was to
supplant him in the courtesan's bed. Brissac seemed unhappy to see the count,
and so Grammont approached him hurriedly and said, "Brissac, my friend,
you must do me a service of the greatest importance: I have an appointment, for
the first time, with a girl who lives near this place; and as this visit is
only to concert measures, I shall make but a very short stay. Be so kind as to
lend me your cloak, and walk my horse a little, until I return; but above all,
do not go far from this place." Without waiting for an answer, Grammont
took the duke's cloak and handed him the bridle of his horse. Looking back, he saw
that Brissac was watching him, so he pretended to enter a house, slipped out
through the back, circled around, and reached de l'Orme's house without being seen.
Prove Yourself • 325 Grammont knocked at the door, and a servant, mistaking him
for the duke, let him in. He headed straight for the lady's chamber, where he
found her lying on a couch, in a sheer gown. He threw off Brissac's cloak and
she gasped in fright. "What is the matter, my fair one?" he asked.
"Your headache, to all appearance, is gone?" She seemed put out,
exclaimed she still had the headache, and insisted that he leave. It was up to
her, she said, to make or break appointments. "Madam," Grammont said
calmly, "I know what perplexes you: you are afraid lest Brissac should
meet me here; but you may make yourself easy on that account." He then
opened the window and revealed Brissac out in the square, dutifully walking
back and forth with a horse, like a common stable boy. He looked ridiculous; de
l'Orme burst out laughing, threw her arms around the count, and exclaimed,
"My dear Chevalier, I can hold out no longer; you are too amiable and too
eccentric not to be pardoned." He told her the whole story, and she
promised that the duke could exercise horses all night, but she would not let
him in. They made an appointment for the following evening. Outside, the count returned
the cloak, apologized for taking so long, and thanked the duke. Brissac was
most gracious, even holding Grammont's horse for him to mount, and waving
goodbye as he rode off. Interpretation. Count Grammont knew that most would-be
seducers give up too easily, mistaking capriciousness or apparent coolness as a
sign of a genuine lack of interest. In fact it can mean many things: perhaps
the person is testing you, wondering if you are really serious. Prickly
behavior is exactly this kind of test-if you give up at the first sign of
difficulty, you obviously do not want them that much. Or it could be that they
themselves are uncertain about you, or are trying to choose between you and
someone else. In any event, it is absurd to give up. One incontrovertible
demonstration of how far you are willing to go will overwhelm all doubts. It
will also defeat your rivals, since most people are timid, worried about making
fools of themselves, and so rarely risk anything. When dealing with difficult
or resistant targets, it is usually best to improvise, the way Grammont did. If
your action seems sudden and a surprise, it will make them more emotional,
loosen them up. A little roundabout accumulation of information-a little
spying-is always a good idea. Most important is the spirit in which you enact
your proof. If you are lighthearted and playful, if you make the target laugh,
proving yourself and amusing them at the same time, it won't matter if you mess
up, or if they see you have employed a little trickery. They will give in to the
pleasant mood you have created. Notice that the count never whined or grew
angry or defensive. All he had to do was pull back the curtain and reveal the
duke walking his horse, melting de l'Orme's resistance with laughter. In one
well-executed act, he showed whathe would do for a night of her favors. began
to cry and to run in the direction of her house, where upon arriving, she fainted.
As soon as she could speak, she ordered that someone go and see what had
happened to Saint-Preuil, who in truth had not stayed very long in the canal,
and having quickly put his clothes back on, hurried to Paris where he hid
himselffor several days. Meanwhile, the rumor spread that he had died. Madame
de la Maisnnfort was deeply moved by the extreme measures he had adopted to
prove his sentiments. This act of his appeared to her to be a sign of an extraordinary
love; and having perhaps noticed some charms in his naked presence that she had
not seen fully clothed, she deeply regretted her cruelty, and publicly stated
her feeling of loss. Word of this reached Saint-Preuil, and he immediately
resurrected himself and did not lose time in taking advantage of such
afavorable feeling in his mistress. - COUNT BUSSY-RABUTIN, HISTOIRES AMOUREUSES
DES GAULES To become a lady's vassal . . . the troubadour was expected to pass through
four stages, i.e.: aspirant, supplicant, postulant, and lover. When he had
attained the last stage of amorous initiation he made a vow of fidelity and
this homage was sealed by a kiss. • In this idealistic form of courtly love
reservedfor the aristocratic elite of chivalry, the phenomenon of love was
considered to be a state of grace, while the initiation that followed, and the
final sealing of the pact-or equivalent of the knightly accolade - were linked
with the rest of a nobleman's training and valorous exploits. The hallmarks of
a true lover and of a perfect knight were almost identical. The lover was bound
to serve and obey his lady as a knight served his lord. In both cases the
pledge was of a sacred nature. - NINA EPTON, LOVE AND THE FRENCH one of the goodly
towns of the kingdomof France there dwelt a nobleman of good birth, who
attended the schools that he might learn how virtue and honor are to be
acquired among virtuous men. But although he was so accomplished that at the age
of seventeen or eighteen years he was, as it were, both precept and example to
others, Love failed not to add his lesson to the rest; and, that he might be
the better harkened to and received, concealed himself in the face and the eyes
of the fairest lady in the whole country round, who had come to the city in order
to advance a suit-at- law. But before Love sought to vanquish the gentleman by
means of this lady's beauty, he had first won her heart by letting her see the
perfections of this young lord; for in good looks, grace, sense and excellence
of speech he was surpassed by none. • You, who know what speedy way is made by
the fire of love when once it fastens on the heart andfancy, will 2. Pauline
Bonaparte, the sister of Napoleon, had so many affairs with different men over
the years that doctors were afraid for her health. She could not stay with one
man for more than a few weeks; novelty was her only pleasure. After Napoleon
married her off to Prince Camillo Borghese, in 1803, her affairs only
multiplied. And so, when she met the dashing Major Jules de Canouville, in
1810, everyone assumed the affair would last no longer than the others. Of
course the major was a decorated soldier, well educated, an accomplished
dancer, and one of the most handsome men in the army. But Pauline, thirty years
old at the time, had had affairs with dozens of men who could have matched that
resume. A few days after the affair began, the imperial dentist arrived chez Pauline.
A toothache had been causing her sleepless nights, and the dentist saw he would
have to pull out the bad tooth right then and there. No painkillers were used
at the time, and as the man began to take out his various instruments, Pauline
grew terrified. Despite the pain of the tooth, she changed her mind and refused
to have it pulled. Major Canouville was lounging on a couch in a silken robe.
Taking all this in, he tried to encourage her to have it done: "A moment
or two of pain and it's over forever. ... A child could go through with it and
not utter a sound." "I'd like to see you do it," she said.
Canouville got up, went over to the dentist, chose a tooth in the back of his
own mouth, and ordered that it be pulled. A perfectly good tooth was extracted,
and Canouville barely batted an eyelash. After this, not only did Pauline let
the dentist do his job, her opinion of Canouville changed; no man had ever done
anything like this for her before. The affair had been going to last but a few
weeks; now it stretched on. Napoleon was not pleased. Pauline was a married
woman; short affairs were allowed, but a deep attachment was embarrassing. He
sent Canouville to Spain, to deliver a message to a general there. The mission
would take weeks, and in the meantime Pauline would find someone else. Canouville,
though, was not your average lover. Riding day and night, without stopping to
eat or sleep, he arrived in Salamanca within a few days. There he found that he
could proceed no farther, since communications had been cut off, and so,
without waiting for further orders, he rode back to Paris, without an escort,
through enemy territory. He could meet with Pauline only briefly; Napoleon sent
him right back to Spain. It was months before he was finally allowed to return,
but when he did, Pauline immediately resumed her affair with him-an unheard-of
act of loyalty on her part. This time Napoleon sent Canouville to Germany and
finally to Russia, where he died bravely in battle in 1812. He was the only
lover Pauline ever waited for, and the only one she ever mourned. Interpretation.
In seduction, the time often comes when the target has begun to fall for you,
but suddenly pulls back. Your motives have begun toseem dubious-perhaps all you
are after is sexual favors, or power, or money. Most people are insecure and
doubts like these can ruin the seductive illusion. In the case of Pauline
Bonaparte, she was quite accustomed to using men for pleasure, and she knew
perfectly well that she was being used in turn. She was totally cynical. But
people often use cynicism to cover up insecurity. Pauline's secret anxiety was
that none of her lovers had ever really loved her-that all of them to a man had
really just wanted sex or political favors from her. When Canouville showed,
through concrete actions, the sacrifices he would make for her-his tooth, his
career, his life- he transformed a deeply selfish woman into a devoted lover.
Not that her response was completely unselfish: his deeds were a boost to her
vanity. If she could inspire these actions from him, she must be worth it. But
if he was going to appeal to the noble sede of her nature, she had to rise to
that level as well, and prove herself by remaining loyal to him. Making your
deed as dashing and chivalrous as possible will elevate the seduction to a new
level, stir up deep emotions, and conceal any ulterior motives you may have.
The sacrifices you are making must be visible; talking about them, or
explaining what they have cost you, will seem like bragging. Lose sleep, fall
ill, lose valuable time, put your career on the line, spend more money than you
can afford. You can exaggerate all this for effect, but don't get caught
boasting about it or feeling sorry for yourself: cause yourself pain and let them
see it. Since almost everyone else in the world seems to have an angle, your
noble and selfless deed will be irresistible. 3. Throughout the 1890s and into
the early twentieth century, Gabriele D'Annunzio was considered one of Italy's
premier novelists and playwrights. Yet many Italians could not stand the man.
His writing was florid, and in person he seemed full of himself,
overdramatic-riding horses naked on the beach, pretending to be a Renaissance
man, and more of the kind. His novels were often about war, and about the glory
of facing and defeating death-an entertaining subject for someone who had never
actually done so. And so, at the start of World War I, no one was surprised
that D'Annunzio led the call for Italy to side with the Allies and enter the
fiay. Everywhere you turned, there he was, giving a speech in favor of war- a
campaign that succeeded in 1915, when Italy finally declared war on Germany and
Austria. D'Annunzio's role so far had been completely predictable. But what did
surprise the Italian public was what this fifty-two- year-old man did next: he
joined the army. He had never served in the military, boats made him seasick,
but he could not be dissuaded. Eventually the authorities gave him a post in a
cavalry division, hoping to keep him out of combat. Italy had little experience
in war, and its military was somewhat chaotic. The generals somehow lost track
of D'Annunzio-who, in any readily imagine that between two subjects so perfect
as these it knew little pause until it had them at its will, and had so filled
them with its clear light, that thought, wish, and speech were all aflame with
it. Youth, begetting fear in the young lord, led him to urge his suit with all
the gentleness imaginable; but she, being conquered by love, had no need
offorce to win her. Nevertheless, shame, which tarries with ladies as long as
it can, for some time restrained her from declaring her mind. But at last the
heart's fortress, which is honor's abode, was shattered in such sort that the
poor lady consented to that which she had never been minded to refuse. • In order,
however, to make trial of her lover's patience, constancy, and love, she granted
him what he sought on a very hard condition, assuring him that if he fulfilled
it she would love him perfectly forever; whereas, if he failed in it, he would certainly
never win her as long as he lived. And the condition was this: she would be
willing to talk with him, both being in bed together, clad in their linen only,
but he was to ask nothinginore from her than words and kisses. • He, thinking
there was no joy to be compared to that which she promised him, agreed to the
proposal, and that evening the promise was kept; in such wise that, despite all
the caresses she bestowed on him and the temptations that beset him, he would
not break his oath. And albeit his torment seemed to him no less than that of
Purgatory, yet was his love so great and his hope so strong, sure as he felt of
the ceaseless continuance of the love he had thus painfully won, that he
preserved his patience and rose from beside her without having done anything
contrary to her expressed wish. • The lady was, I think, more astonished than
pleased by such virtue; and giving no heed to the honor, patience, and
faithfulness her lover had shown in the keeping of his oath, she forthwith suspected
that his love was not so great as she had thought, or else that he had found
her less pleasing than he had expected. • She therefore resolved, before
keeping her promise, to make afurther trial of the love he bore her; and to this
end she begged him to talk to a girl in her service, who was younger than herself
and very beautiful, bidding him make love speeches to her, so that those who
saw him come so often to the house might think that it was for the sake of this
damsel and not of herself • The young lord,feeling sure that his own love was
returned in equal measure, was wholly obedient to her commands, and for love of
her compelled himself to make love to the girl; and she, finding him so
handsome and well-spoken, believed his lies more than other truth, and loved
him as much as though she herself were greatly loved by him. • The mistress
finding that matters were thus well advanced, albeit the young lord did not
cease to claim her promise, granted him permission to come and see her at one
hour after midnight, saying that after case, had decided to leave his cavalry
division and form units of his own. (He was an artist, after all, and could not
be subjected to army discipline.) Calling himself Commandante, he overcame his
habitual seasickness and directed a series of daring raids, leading groups of
motorboats in the middle of the night into Austrian harbors and firing
torpedoes at anchored ships. He also learned how to fly, and began to lead
dangerous sorties. In August of 1915, he flew over the city of Trieste, then in
enemy hands, and dropped Italian flags and thousands of pamphlets containing a message
of hope, written in his inimitable style: "The end of your martyrdom is at
hand! The dawn of your joy is imminent. From the heights of heaven, on the
wings of Italy, I throw you this pledge, this message from my heart." He
flew at altitudes unheard of at the time, and through thick enemy fire. The
Austrians put a price on his head. On a mission in 1916, D'Annunzio fell
against his machine gun, permanently injuring one eye and seriously damaging
the other. Told his flying days were over, he convalesced in his home in
Venice. At the time, the most beautiful and fashionable woman in Italy was
generally considered to be the Countess Morosini, former mistress of the German
Kaiser. Her palace was on the Grand Canal, opposite the home of D'Annunzio. Now
she found herself besieged by letters and poems from the writer-soldier, mixing
details of his flying exploits with declarations of his love. In the middle of
air raids on Venice, he would cross the canal, barely able to see out of one
eye, to deliver his latest poem. D'Annunzio was much beneath Morosini's
station, a mere writer, but his willingness to brave anything on her behalf won
her over. The fact that his reckless behavior could get him killed any day only
hastened the seduction. D'Annunzio ignored the doctors' advice and returned to
flying, leading even more daring raids than before. By the end of the war, he
was Italy's most decorated hero. Now, wherever in the nation he appeared, the
public filled the piazzas to hear his speeches. After the war, he led a march
on Fiume, on the Adriatic coast. In the negotiations to settle the war,
Italians believed they should have been awarded this city, but the Allies had
not agreed. D'Annunzio's forces took over the city and the poet became a leader,
ruling Fiume for more than a year as an autonomous republic. By then, everyone
had forgotten about his less-than-glorious past as a decadent writer. Now he
could do no wrong. Interpretation. The appeal of seduction is that of being
separated from our normal routines, experiencing the thrill of the unknown.
Death is the ultimate unknown. In periods of chaos, confusion, and death-the
plagues that swept Europe in the Middle Ages, the Terror of the French Revolution,
the air raids on London during World War II-people often let go of their usual
caution and do things they never would otherwise. They experience a kind of
delirium. There is something immensely seductive about danger, about heading
into the unknown. Show that you have a reckless streak and a daring nature,
that you lack the usual fear of death, and you are instantly fascinating to the
bulk of humanity. What you are proving in this instance is not how you feel
toward another person but something about yourself: you are willing to go out
on a limb. You are not just another talker and braggart. It is a recipe for
instant charisma. Any political figure-Churchill, de Gaulle, Kennedy-whohas proven
himself on the battlefield has an unmatchable appeal. Many had thought of
D'Annunzio as a foppish womanizer; his experience in the war gave him a heroic
sheen, a Napoleonic aura. In fact he had always been an effective seducer, but
now he was even more devilishly appealing. You do not necessarily have to risk
death, but putting yourself in its vicinity will give you a seductive charge.
(It is often best to do this some way into the seduction, making it come as a
pleasant surprise.) You are willing to enter the unknown. No one is more
seductive than the person who has had a brush with death. People will be drawn
to you; perhaps they are hoping that some of your adventurous spirit will rub
off on them. 4. According to one version of the Arthurian legend, the great
knight Sir Lancelot once caught a glimpse of Queen Guinevere, King Arthur's
wife, and that glimpse was enough-he fell madly in love. And so when word reached
him that Queen Guinevere had been kidnapped by an evil knight, Lancelot did not
hesitate-he forgot his other chivalrous tasks and hurried in pursuit. His horse
collapsed from the chase, so he continued on foot. Finally it seemed that he
was close, but he was exhausted and could go no farther. A horse-driven cart
passed by; the cart was filled with loathsome- looking men shackled together.
In those days it was the tradition to place criminals-murderers, traitors,
cowards, thieves-in such a cart, which then passed through every street in town
so that people could see it. Once you had ridden in the cart, you lost all
feudal rights for the rest of your life. The cart was such a dreadful symbol
that seeing an empty one made you shiver and give the sign of the cross. Even
so. Sir Lancelot accosted the cart's driver, a dwarf: "In the name of God,
tell me if you've seen my lady the queen pass by this way?" "If you
want to get into this cart I'm driving," said the dwarf, "by tomorrow
you'll know what has become of the queen." Then he drove the cart onward.
Lancelot hesitated for but two of the horse's steps, then ran after it and
climbed in. Wherever the cart went, townspeople heckled it. They were most curious
about the knight among the passengers. What was his crime? How will he be put
to death-flayed? Drowned? Burned upon a fire of thorns? Finally the dwarf let
him get out, without a word as to the whereabouts of the queen. To make matters
worse, no one now would go near or talk to Lancelot, for he had been in the
cart. He kept on chasing the queen, and all along the way he was cursed at,
spat upon, challenged by other knights. He having so fully tested the love and
obedience he had shown towards her, it was but just that heshould be rewardedfor
his long patience. Of the lover's joy on hearing this you need have no doubt,
and he failed not to arrive at the appointed time. • But the lady, still
wishing to try the strength of his love, had said to her beautiful damsel-"I
am well aware of the love a certain nobleman bears to you, and I think you are
no less in love with him; and I feel so much pity for you both, that I have
resolved to afford you time and place that you may converse together at your
ease." • The damsel was so enchanted that she could not conceal her
longings, but answered that she would notfail to be present. • In obedience, therefore,
to her mistress's counsel and command, she undressed herself and lay down on a
handsome bed, in a room the door of which the lady left half open, whilst
within she set a light so that the maiden's beauty might be clearly seen. Then
she herself pretended to go away, but hid herself near to the bed so carefully
that she could not be seen. • Her poor lover, thinking to find her according to
her promise, failed not to enter the room as softly as he could, at the appointed
hour; and after he had shut the door and put off his garments and fur shoes, he
got into the bed, where he looked to find what he desired. But no sooner did he
put out his arms to embrace her whom he believed to be his mistress, than the
poor girl, believing him entirely her own, had her arms round his neck,
speaking to him the while in such loving words and with so beautiful a
countenance, that there is not a hermit so holy but he would have forgotten his
beads for love of her. • But when the gentleman recognized her with both eye
and ear, and found he was not with her for whose sake he had so greatly
suffered, the love that had made him get so quickly into the bed, made him
risefrom it still more quickly. And in anger equally with mistress and damsel,
he said - "Neither yourfolly nor the malice of her who put you there can make
me other than I am. But do you try to be an honest woman, for you shall never
lose that good name through me. " • So saying he rushed out of the room in
the greatest wrath imaginable, and it was long before he returned to see his mistress.
However love, which is never without hope, assured him that the greater and
more manifest his constancy was proved to be by all these trials, the longer
and more delightful would be his bliss. • The lady, who had seen and heard all
that passed, was so delighted and amazed at beholding the depth and constancy
of his love, that she was impatient to sec him again in order to ask h is fo
rgiven ess for the sorrow that she had caused him to endure. And as soon as she
could meet with him, she failed not to address him in such excellent and
pleasant words, that he not only forgot all his troubles but even deemed them
very fortunate, seeing that their issue was to the glory of his constancy and
the perfect had disgraced knighthood by riding in the cart. But no one could
stop him or slow him down, and finally he discovered that the queen's kidnapper
was the wicked Meleagant. He caught up with Meleagant and the two fought a duel.
Still weak from the chase, Lancelot seemed to be near defeat, but when word
reached him that the queen was watching the battle, he recovered his strength
and was on the verge of killing Meleagant when a truce was called. Guinevere
was handed over to him. Lancelot could hardly contain his joy at the thought of
finally being in his lady's presence. But to his shock, she seemed angry, and
would not look at her rescuer. She told Meleagant's father, "Sire, in
truth he has wasted his efforts. I shall always deny that I feel any gratitude
toward him." Lancelot was mortified but he did not complain. Much later,
after undergoing innumerable further trials, she finally relented and they
became lovers. One day he asked her: when she had been abducted by Meleagant,
had she heard the story of the cart, and how he had disgraced knighthood? Was
that why she had treated him so coldly that day? The queen replied, "By
delaying for two stepsyou showed your unwillingness to climb into it. That, to
tell the truth, is why I didn't wish to see you or speak with you." Interpretation.
The opportunity to do your selfless deed often comes upon you suddenly. You
have to show your worth in an instant, right there on the spot. It could be a rescue
situation, a gift you could make or a favor you could do, a sudden request to
drop everything and come to their aid. What matters most is not whether you act
rashly, make a mistake, and do something foolish, but that you seem to act on
their behalf without thought for yourself or the consequences. At moments like
these, hesitation, even for a few seconds, can ruin all the hard work of your
seduction, revealing you as self-absorbed, unchival- rous, and cowardly. This,
at any rate, is the moral of Chretien de Troyes's twelfth-century version of
the story of Lancelot. Remember: not only what you do matters, but how you do
it. If you are naturally self-absorbed, learn to disguise it. React as
spontaneously as possible, exaggerating the effect by seeming flustered,
overexcited, even foolish-love has driven you to that point. If you have to
jump into the cart for Guinevere's sake, make sure she sees that you do it
without the slightest hesitation. 5. In Rome sometime around 1531, word spread
of a sensational young woman named Tullia d'Aragona. Bythe standards of the
period, Tullia was not a classic beauty; she was tall and thin, at a time when
the plump and voluptuous woman was considered the ideal. And she lacked the
cloying, giggling manner of most young girls who wanted masculine attention.
No, her quality was nobler. Her Latin was perfect, she could discuss the latest
literature, she played the lute and sang. In other words, she was a novelty, and
since that was all most men were looking for, they began to visit her in Prove
Yourself • 331 great numbers. She had a lover, a diplomat, and the thought that
one man had won her physical favors drove them all mad. Her male visitors began
to compete for her attention, writing poems in her honor, vying to become her
favorite. None of them succeeded, but they kept on trying. Of course there were
some who were offended by her, stating publicly that she was no more than a
high-class whore. They repeated the rumor (perhaps true) that she had made
older men dance while she played the lute, and if their dancing pleased her,
they could hold her in their arms. To Tullia's faithful followers, all of noble
birth, this was slander. They wrote a document that was distributed far and
wide: "Our honored mistress, the well-born and honorable lady Tullia
d'Aragona, doth surpass all ladies of the past, present, or future by herdazzlingqualities.
. . . Anyone who refuses to conform to this statement is hereby charged to
enter the lists with one of the undersigned knights, who will convince him in
the customary manner." Tullia left Rome in 1535, going first to Venice,
where the poet Tasso became her lover, and eventually to Ferrara, which was
then perhaps the most civilized court in Italy. And what a sensation she caused
there. Her voice, her singing, even her poems were praised far and wide. She
opened a literary academy devoted to ideas of freethinking. She called herself
a muse and, as in Rome, a group of young men collected around her. They would follow
her around the city, carving her name in trees, writing sonnets in her honor,
and singing them to anyone who would listen. One young nobleman was driven to
distraction by this cult of adoration: it seemed that everyone loved Tullia but
no one received her love in return. Determined to steal her away and marry her,
this young man tricked her into allowing him to visit her at night. He
proclaimed his undying devotion, showered her with jewels and presents, and
asked for her hand. She refused. He pulled out a knife, she still refused, and
so he stabbed himself. He lived, but now Tullia's reputation was even greater
than before: not even money could buy her favors, or so it seemed. As the years
went by and her beauty faded, some poet or intellectual would always come to her
defense and protect her. Few of them ever pondered the reality: that Tullia was
indeed a courtesan, one of the most popular and well paid in the profession.
Interpretation. All of us have defects of some sort. Some of these we are born
with, and cannot help. Tullia had many such defects. Physically she was not the
Renaissance ideal. Also, her mother had been a courtesan, and she was
illegitimate. Yet the men who fell under her spell did not care. They were too
distracted by her image-the image of an elevated woman, a woman you would have
to fight over to win. Her pose came straight out of the Middle Ages, the days
of knights and troubadours. Then, a woman, most often married, was able to
control the power dynamic between the sexes by withholding her favors until the
knight somehow proved his worth assurance of his love, the fruit of which he
enjoyed from that time as fully as he could desire. - QUEEN MARGARET OF NAVARRE,
THE HEPTAMERON. QUOTED IN THE VICE ANTHOLOGY , EDITED BY RICHARD
DAVENPORT-HINES A soldier lays siege to cities, a lover to girls' houses, \ The
one assaults city gates, the other front doors. \ Love, like war, is a toss-up.
The defeated can recover, \ While some you might think invincible collapse; \
So ifyou've got love written off as an easy option \ You'd better think twice.
Love calls \ For guts and initiative. Great Achilles sulks for Briseis - \
Quick, Trojans, smash through the Argive wall! \ Hector went into battle from
Andromache's embraces \ Helmeted by his wife. \ Agamemnon himself, the Supremo,
was struck into raptures \ At the sight of Cassandra's tumbled hair; \ Even
Mars was caught on the job, felt the blacksmith's meshes - \ Heaven's best
scandal in years. Then take \ My own case. I was idle, born to leisure en
deshabille, \ Mind softened by lazy scribbling in the shade. \ But love for a
pretty girl soon drove the sluggard \ To action, made him join up. \And just
look at me now-fighting fit, dead keen on night exercises: \ If you want a cure
for slackness, fall in love! - OVID, THE AMO RES. TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN and
the sincerity of his sentiments. He could be sent on a quest, or made to live
among lepers, or compete in a possibly fatal joust for her honor. And this he
had to do without complaint. Although the days of the troubadour are long gone,
the pattern remains: a man actually loves to be able to prove himself, to be
challenged, to compete, to undergo tests and trials and emerge victorious. He
has a masochistic streak; a part of him loves pain. And strangely enough, the
more a woman asks for, theworthier she seems. A woman who is easy to get cannot
be worth much. Make people compete for your attention, make them prove
themselves in some way, and you will find them rising to the challenge. The
heat of seduction is raised by such challenges-show me that you really love me.
When one person (of either sex) rises to the occasion, often the other person
is now expected to do the same, and the seduction heightens. By making people
prove themselves, too, you raise your value and cover up your defects. Your
targets are too busy trying to prove themselves to notice your blemishes and
faults. Symbol: The Tournament. On the field, with its bright pennants and
caparisoned horses, the lady looks on as knights fight for her hand. She has
heard them declare love on bended knee, their endless songs and pretty
promises. They are all good at such things. But then the trumpet sounds and the
combat begins. In the tournament there can be no faking or hesitation. The
knight she chooses must have blood on hisface, and afew broken limbs. Reversal
W hen trying to prove that you are worthy of your target, remember that every
target sees things differently. A show of physical prowess not impress someone
who does not value physical prowess; it will just that you are after attention,
flaunting yourself. Seducers must adapt way of proving themselves to the doubts
and weaknesses of the seduced. For some, fine words are better proofs than
daredevil deeds, particularly if they are written down. With these people show
your sentiments in a letter-a different kind of physical proof, and one with
more poetic appeal than some showy bit of action. Know your target well, and
aim your seductive evidence at the source of their doubts or resistance. 17
Effect a Regression People who have experienced a certain kind of in the past
will try to repeat or relive are usually thosefrom earliest childhood, and are
often unassociated with a parental figure. Bring your tartheir emotional
response, they willfall in love with you. Alternatively, you too can regress,
letting them play the role of the protecting, nursing parent. In either case
you are offering the ultimate fantasy: the chance to have an intimate relawith
mommy or daddy, son or daughter. A s adults we tend to overvalue our childhood.
In their dependency and powerlessness, children genuinely suffer, yet when we
get older we conveniently forget about that and sentimentalize the supposed
paradise we have left behind. We forget the pain and remember only the
pleasure. ? Because the responsibilities of adult life are a burden so
oppressive at times that we secretly yearn for the dependency of childhood, for
that perwho looked after our every need, assumed our cares and worries. This
being dependent on the parent is charged with sexual undertones. Give and they
will project all kinds of fantasies onto you, including feelings of or sexual
attraction that they will attribute to something else. We won't admit it, but
we long to regress, to shed our adult exterior and vent childish emotions that
linger beneath the surface. in his career, Sigmund Freud confronted a strange
problem: many of his female patients were falling in love with him. He thought
he knew what was happening: encouraged by Freud, the patient would delve into
would talk about her relationship with her father, her earliest experiprocess
would stir up powerful emotions and memories. In a way, she be transported back
into her childhood. Intensifying this effect was the fact that Freud himself
said little and made himself a little cold and dis, although he seemed to be
caring-in other words, quite like the traditional father figure. Meanwhile the
patient was lying on a couch, in a helpless or passive position, so that the
situation duplicated the roles of parent and child. Eventually she would begin
to direct some of the confused emotions she was dealing with toward Freud
himself. Unaware of what was happening, she would relate to him as to her
father. She would regress and in love. Freud called this phenomenon
"transference," and it would become an active part of his therapy. By
getting patients to transfer some of their repressed feelings onto the
therapist, he would bring their problems into the open, where they could be
dealt with on a conscious level. The transference effect was so potent, though,
that Freud was often unable to move his patients past their infatuation. In
fact transference is a powerful way of creating an emotional attachment-the
goal of any seduc- [In Japan,] much in the traditional way of childrearing
seems to foster passive dependence. The child is rarely left alone, day or
night, for it usually sleeps with the mother. it goes out the child is not
pushed ahead in a pram, to face the world alone, but is tightly bound to the
mother's back in a snug cocoon. When the mother bows, the child does too, so
the social graces are acquired automatically while feeling the mother's
heartbeat. Thus emotional security tends to depend almostentirelyonthephysicalpresence
of the mother. "... Children learn that a show of passive dependence is
the best way to getfavors as well as affection. There is a verb for this in
Japanese: amaeru, translated in the dictionary as "to presume upon
another's love; to play the baby." According to the psychiatrist Doi Takeo
this is the main key to understanding the Japanese personality. It goes on in
adult life too: juniors do it to seniors in companies, or any other group,
women do it to men, men do it to their mothers, and sometimes wives. ....... A magazine
called Young Lady featured an article (January 1982) on "how to make
ourselves beautiful." How, in other , to attract men. An American or
European magazine would then go on to tell the reader how to be sexually
desirable, no doubt suggesting various puff's, creams, and sprays. Not so with
Young Lady. "The most attractive ," it informs us, "are women
full of maternal love. Women maternal love are the types men never want to
marry. . . . One has to look at men through the of a mother. " - IAN
BURUMA, BEHIND THE : ON SEXUAL DEMONS. SACRED MOTHERS. . GANGSTERS, DRIFTERS
AND OTHER JAPANESE CULTURAL HEROES I have stressed the fact that substitute for
the ideal ego. Two people who love each other are interchanging ego-ideals.
That they love the ideal of themselves in the otherone.There would be no love
on earth if this phantom were not there. Wefall in love because we cannot
attain the image that is our better self and the best of our self From this
concept it is obvious that love itself is only possible on a certain cultural
level or after a certain phase in the development of the personality has been reached.
The creation of an ego-ideal itself marks human progress. When are entirely
satisfied tion. The method has infinite applications outside psychoanalysis. To
pracit in real life, you need to play the therapist, encouraging people to talk
memories are so vivid and emotional that a part of us regresses just in talking
about our early years. Also, in the course of talking, little secrets slip out:
we reveal all kinds of valuable information about our weaknesses and our mental
makeup, information you must attend to and remember. Do not take your targets'
words at face value; they will often sugarcoat or overdramatize events in
childhood. But pay attention to their tone of voice, to any nervous tics as
they talk, and particularly to anything they do not want talk about, anything
they deny or that makes them emotional. Many statefor instance, you can be sure
that they are hiding a lot of disappointment- that they actually loved their
father only too much, and perhaps never quite what they wanted from him. Listen
closely for recurring themes and stories. Most important, learn to analyze
emotional responses and see what lies behind them. While they talk, maintain
the therapist's pose-attentive but quiet, making occasional, nonjudgmental
comments. Be caring yet distant- somewhat blank, in fact-and they will begin to
transfer emotions and project fantasies onto you. With the information you have
gathered about their childhood, and the trusting bond you have forged, you can
now begin to effect the regression. Perhaps you have uncovered a powerful
attachment to a parent, a sibling, a teacher, or any early infatuation, a
person who casts a shadow over their present lives. Knowing what it was about
this person that affected them so powerfully, you can now take over that role.
Or perhaps you have learned of an immense gap in their childhood-a neglectful
father, for instance. You act like that parent now, but you replace the
original neglect with the attention and affection that the real parent never
supplied. Everyone has unfinished business from childhood-disappointments,
lacks, painful memories. Finish what is unfinished. Discover what your target never
got and you have the ingredients for a deep-rooted seduction. The key is not
just to talk about memories-that is weak. What you want is to get peopletoactoutintheir
present old issues from their past, without their being aware of what is
happening. The regressions you can effect fall into four main types. The
Infantile Regression. The first bond-the bond between a mother and her
infant-is the most powerful one. Unlike other animals, human babies have a long
period of helplessness during which they are dependent on their mother,
creating an attachment that influences the rest of their lives. The key to
effecting this regression is to reproduce the sense of unconditional love a
mother has for her child. Never judge your targets-let them do whatever they
want, including behaving badly; at the same time surthem with loving attention,
smother them with comfort. A part of Effect a Regression • 331 them will
regress to those earliest years when their mother took care of everything and
rarely left them alone. This works on almost everyone, for unconditional love
is the rarest and most treasured form. You do not even have to tailor your
behavior to anything specific in their childhood; most of us have experienced
this kind of attention. Meanwhile, create atmospheres that reinforce the
feeling you are generating-warm environments, playful activities, bright, happy
colors. with their actual selves, love is impossible. • The of the ego-ideal to
a person is the most characteristic trait of love. -THEODOR REIK, OF LOVE AND
LUST The Oedipal Regression. After the bond between mother and child the
oedipal triangle of mother, father, and child. This triangle forms during the
period of the child's earliest erotic fantasies. A boy wants his mother to
himself, a girl does the same with her father, but they never quite have it
that way, for a parent will always have competing connections a spouse or to
other adults. Unconditional love has gone; now, inevitably, the parent must
sometimes deny what the child desires. Transport your victims back to this
period. Play a parental role, be loving, but also sometimes scold and instill
some discipline. Children actually love a little -it makes them feel that the
adult cares about them. And adult children too will be thrilled if you mix your
tenderness with a little toughness and punishment. Unlike infantile regression,
oedipal regression must be tailored to your target. It depends on the
information you have gathered. Without knowing enough, you might treat a person
like a child, scolding them now and then, only to discover that you are
stirring up ugly memories-they had too with the regression until you have
learned everything you can about their -what they had too much of, what they
lacked, and so on. If the target was strongly attached to a parent, but that
attachment was parnegative, the oedipal regression strategy can still be quite
effective. We always feel ambivalent toward a parent; even as we love them, we
resent having had to depend on them. Don't worry about stirring up these am,
which don't keep us from being tied to our parents. Remember include an erotic
component in your parental behavior. Now your tarare not only getting their
mother or father all to themselves, they are something more, something
previously forbidden but now allowed. gave [S ylphide] the eyes of one girl in
the village, fresh complexion of another. The portraits of great ladies of the
time of Francis 1, Henry IV, and XIV, hanging in our room, lent me otherfeatures,
and I even beauties from the pictures of the Madonna in churches. This magic invisibly
everywhere, I with her as if changed her appearance according to the degree of without
a veil, Diana rose, Thalia in a laughing mask, Hebe with the goblet of youth-or
she became a delusion lasted two whole years, in the course of which my soul
attained the highest peak of exaltation. -CHATEAUBRIAND, MEMOIRS QUOTED IN
FRIEDRICH SIEBURG, CHATEAUBRIAND. TRANSLATED BY VIOLET M. MACDONALD The Ego
Ideal Regression. As children, we often form an ideal figure out of our dreams
and ambitions. First, that ideal figure is the person we want to be. We imagine
ourselves as brave adventurers, romantic figures. Then, in our adolescence, we
turn our attention to others, often projecting our ideals onto them. The first
boy or girl we fall in love with may seem to have the ideal qualities we wanted
for ourselves, or else may make us feel that we can play that ideal role in
relation to them. Most of us carry these ideals around with us, buried just
below the surface. We are secretly disappointed in how much we have had to
compromise, how far below the ideal we have fallen as we have gotten older.
Make your targets feel they are living out this youthful ideal, and coming
closer to being the person they wanted to be, and you will effect a different
kind of regression, creating a feeling reminiscent of adolescence. The
relationship between you and the seduced is in this instance more equal than in
the previous kinds of regressions-more like the affection between siblings. In
fact the ideal is often modeled on a brother or sister. To create this effect,
strive to reprothe intense, innocent mood of a youthful infatuation. The
Reverse Parental Regression. Here you are the one to regress: you deliberately
play the role of the cute, adorable, yet also sexually charged child. Older
people always find younger people incredibly seductive. In the presence of
youth, they feel a little of their own youth return; but they are in fact
older, and mixed into the invigoration they feel in young people's company is
the pleasure of playing the mother or father to them. If a child has erotic
feelings toward a parent, feelings that are quickly repressed, the parent must
deal with the same problem in reverse. Assume the role of the child in relation
to your targets, however, and they get to act out some of those repressed
erotic sentiments. The strategy may seem to call for a difference in age, but
this is actually not critical. Marilyn Monroe's exaggerated little-girl
qualities worked just fine on men her age. Emphasizing a weakness or
vulnerability on your part will give the target a chance to play the protector.
Some Examples 1. The parents of Victor Hugo separated shortly after the
novelist was born, in 1802. Hugo's mother, Sophie, had been carrying on an
affair with her husband's superior officer, a general. She took the three Hugo
boys away from their father and went off to Paris to raise them on her own. the
boys led a tumultuous life, featuring bouts of poverty, frequent moves, and
their mother's continued affair with the general. Of all the boys, Victor was
the most attached to his mother, adopting all her ideas and pet peeves,
particularly her hatred of his father. But with all the turmoil in his
childhood he never felt he got enough love andattention from the mother he
adored. When she died, in 1821, poor and debt-ridden, he was devastated. The
following year Hugo married his childhood sweetheart, Adele, who physically
resembled his mother. It was a happy marriage for a while, but soon Adele came
to resemble his mother in more ways than one: in 1832, he discovered that she
was having an affair with the French literary critic Sainte-Beuve, who also
happened to be Hugo's best friend at the Effect Regression • 339 time. Hugo was
a celebrated writer by now, but he was not the calculating type. He generally
wore his heart on his sleeve. Yet he could not confide in anyone about Adele's
affair; it was too humiliating. His only solution was to have affairs of his
own, with actresses, courtesans, married women. Hugo had a prodigious appetite,
sometimes visiting three different women in the same day. Near the end of 1832,
production began on one of Hugo's plays, and he was to supervise the casting. A
twenty-six-year-old actress named Juliette Drouet auditioned for one of the
smaller roles. Normally quite adroit with the ladies, Hugo found himself
stuttering in Juliette's presence. She was quite simply the most beautiful
woman he had ever seen, and this and her composed manner intimidated him.
Naturally, Juliette won the part. He found himself thinking about her all the
time. She always seemed to be surrounded by a group of adoring men. Clearly she
was not interested in him, or so he thought. One evening, though, after a performance
of the play, he followed her home, to find that she was neither angry nor
surprised- indeed she invited him up to her apartment. He spent the night, and
soon he was spending almost every night there. Hugo was happy again. To his
delight, Juliette quit her career in the theater, dropped her former friends,
and learned to cook. She had loved fancy clothes and social affairs; now she
became Hugo's secretary, rarely leaving the apartment in which he had
established her and seeming to live only for his visits. After a while,
however, Hugo returned to his old ways and started to have little affairs on
the side. She did not complain-as long as she remained the one woman he kept
returning to. And Hugo had in fact grown quite dependent on her. In 1843,
Hugo's beloved daughter died in an accident and he sank into a depression. The
only way he knew to get over his grief was to have an afwith someone new. And
so, shortly thereafter, he fell in love with a young married aristocrat named
Leonie d'Aunet. He began to see Juliette less and less. A few years later,
Leonie, feeling certain she was the preferred one, gave him an ultimatum: stop
seeing Juliette altogether, or it wasover. Hugo refused. Instead he decided to
stage a contest: he would continue to see both women, and in a few months his
heart would tell him which one he preferred. Leonie was furious, but she had no
choice. Her affair with Hugo had already ruined her marriage and her standing
in society; she was dependent on him. Anyway, how could she lose-she was in the
prime of life, whereas Juliette had gray hair by now. So she pretended to go
along with this contest, but as time went on, she grew increasingly resentful
about it, and complained. Juliette, on the other hand, behaved as if nothing
had changed. Whenever he visited, she treated him as she always had, dropping everything
to comfort and mother him. The contest lasted several years. In 1851, Hugo was
in trouble with Louis-Napoleon, the cousin of Napoleon Bonaparte and now the
president of France. Hugo had attacked his dictatorial tendencies in the press,
bitterly and perhaps recklessly, for Louis-Napoleon was a vengeful man. Fearing
for the writer's life, Juliette managed to hide him in a friend's house and arranged
for a false passport, a disguise, and safe passage to Brussels. Everything went
according to plan; Juliette joined him a few days later, carrying his most
valuable possessions. Clearly her heroic actions had won the contest for her. And
yet, after the novelty of Hugo's new life wore off, his affairs resumed.
Finally, fearing for his health, and worried that she could no longer compete
with yet another twenty-year-old coquette, Juliette made a calm but stern
demand: no more women or she was leaving him. Taken completely by surprise, yet
certain that she meant every word, Hugo broke down and sobbed. An old man by
now, he got down on his knees and , on the Bible and then on a copy of his
famous novel Les Miserables, he would stray no more. Until Juliette's death, in
1883, her spell over him was complete. Interpretation. Hugo's love life was
determined by his relationship with his mother. He never felt she had loved him
enough. Almost all the women he had affairs with bore a physical resemblance to
her; somehow he would make up for her lack of love for him by sheer volume.
When Juliette met , she could not have known all this, but she must have sensed
two things: he was extremely disappointed in his wife, and he had never really up.
His emotional outbursts and his need for attention made him a little boy than a
man. She would gain ascendancy over him for the of his life by supplying the
one thing he had never had: complete, unmother-love. Juliette never judged
Hugo, or criticized him for his naughty ways. She lavished him with attention;
visiting her was like returning to thewomb. In her presence, in fact, he was
more a little boy than ever. How could he refuse her a favor or ever leave her?
And when she finally threatened to leave him, he was reduced to the state of a
wailing infant crying for his mother. In the end she had total power over him. Unconditional
love is rare and hard to find, yet it is what we all crave, since we either
experienced it once or wish we had. You do not have to go as far as Juliette Drouet; the mere hint of
devoted attention, of accepting your lovers for who they are, of meeting their
needs, will place them in an infantile position. A sense of dependency may
frighten them a little, and they may feel an undercurrent of ambivalence, a
need to assert themselves periodically, as Hugo did through his affairs. But
their ties to you will be strong and they will keep coming back for more, bound
by the illusion that they are recapturing the mother-love they had seemingly
lost forever, or never had. 2. Around the turn of the twentieth century.
Professor Mut, a schoolmaster at a college for young men in a small German
town, began to de- Effect Regression velop a keen hatred of his students. Mut
was in his late fifties, and had worked at the same school for many years. He
taught Greek and Latin and was a distinguished classical scholar. He had always
felt a need to impose discipline, but now it was getting ugly: the students
were simply not interested in Homer anymore. They listened to bad music and
only liked modern literature. Although they were rebellious, Mut considered
them soft and undisciplined. He wanted to teach them a lesson and make their
lives miserable; his usual way of dealing with their bouts of rowdiness was
sheer bullying, and most often it worked. One day a student Mut loathed-a
haughty, well-dressed young man named Lohmann-stood up in class and said,
"I can't go on working in this room. Professor. There is such a smell of
mud." Mud was the boys' nickname for Professor Mut. The professor seized
Lohmann by the arm, twisted it hard, then banished him from the room. He later
noticed that Lohmann had left his exercise book behind, and thumbing through it
he saw a paragraph about an actress named Rosa Frohlich. A plot hatched in Mut's
mind: he would catch Lohmann cavorting with this actress, no doubt a woman of
ill repute, and would get the boy kicked out of school. First he had to find
out where she performed. He searched high and low, finally finding her name up
outside a club called the Blue Angel. He went in. It was a smoke-filled place,
full of the working-class types he looked down on. Rosa was onstage. She was
singing a song; the way she looked everyone in the audience in the eye was
rather brazen, but for some reason Mut found this disarming. He relaxed a
little, had some wine. After her performance he made his way to her dressing
room, determined to grill her about Lohmann. Once there he felt strangely
uncomfortable, but he gathered up his courage, accused her of leading
schoolboys astray, and threatened to get the police to close the place down.
Rosa, however, was not intimidated. She turned all of Mut's sentences around:
perhaps he was the one leading boys astray. Her tone was cajoling and teasing.
Yes, Lohmann had bought her flowers and champagne-so what? No one had ever
talked to Mut this way before; his authoritative tone usually made people give
way. He should have felt offended: she was low class and a woman, and he was a
schoolmaster, but she was talking to him as if they were equals. Instead,
however, he neither got angry nor left-something compelled him to stay. Now she
was silent. She picked up a stocking and started to darn it, ignoring him; his
eyes followed her every move, particularly the way she rubbed her bare knee.
Finally he brought up Lohmann again, and the police. "You've no idea what
this life's like," she said. "Everyone who comes here thinks he's the
only pebble on the beach. If you don't give them what they want they threaten
you with the police!" "I certainly regret having hurt a lady's
feelings," he replied sheepishly. As she got up from her chair, their
knees rubbed, and he felt a shiver up his spine. Now she was nice to him again,
and poured him some more wine. She invited him to come back, then left abruptly
to perform another number. The Art of Seduction The next day he kept thinking
about her words, her looks. Thinking about her while he was teaching gave him a
kind of naughty thrill. That night he went back to the club, still determined
to catch Lohmann in the act, and once again found himself in Rosa's dressing
room, drinking wine and becoming strangely passive. She asked him to help her
get dressed; that seemed quite an honor and he obliged her. Helping her with
her corset and her makeup, he forgot about Lohmann. He felt he was being
initiated into some new world. She pinched his cheeks and stroked his chin, and
occasionally let him glimpse her bare leg as she rolled up a stocking. Now
Professor Mut showed up night after night, helping her dress, watching her
perform, all with a strange kind of pride. He was there so often that Lohmann
and his friends no longer showed up. He had taken their place-he was the one to
bring her flowers, pay for her champagne, the one to serve her. Yes, an old man
like himself had bested the youthful Lohmann, who thought himself so suave! He
liked it when she stroked his chin, complimented him for doing things right,
but he felt even more excited when she rebuked him, throwing a powder puff in
his face or pushing him off a chair. It meant she liked him. And so, gradually,
he began to pay for all her caprices. It cost him a pretty penny but kept her
away from other men. Eventually he proposed to her. They married, and scandal
ensued: he lost hisjob, and soon all his money; finally he landed in prison. To
the very end, however, he could never get angry with Rosa. Instead he felt
guilty: he had never done enough for her. Interpretation. Professor Mut and
Rosa Frohlich are characters in the novel The Blue Angel, written by Heinrich
Mann in 1905, and later made into a film starring Marlene Dietrich. Rosa's
seduction of Mut follows the classic oedipal regression pattern. First, the
woman treats the man the way a mother would treat a little boy. She scolds him,
but the scolding is not threatening; it is tender, and has a teasing edge. Like
a mother, she knows she is dealing with someone weak, who cannot help his
naughty behavior. She mixes plenty of praise and approval in with her taunts.
Once the man begins to regress, she adds physical excitement-some bodily
contact to excite him, subtle sexual overtones. As a reward for his regression,
the man may get the thrill of finally sleeping with his mother. But there is
always an element of competition, which the mother figure must heighten. The
man gets to possess her all on his own, something he could not do with father
in the way, but he first has to win her away from others. The key to this kind
of regression is to see and treat your targets as children. Nothing about them
intimidates you, no matter how much authority or social standing they have.
Your manner makes it clear that you feel you are the stronger party. To
accomplish this it may be helpful to imagine or them as the children they once
were; suddenly, powerful people do not seem so powerful and threatening when
you regress them in your imagination. Keep in mind that certain types are more
vulnerable to an Effect Regression • 343 regression. Look for those who, like
Professor Mut, seem outwardly most adult-straitlaced, serious, a little full of
themselves. They are struggling to repress their regressive tendencies,
overcompensating for their weaknesses. Often those who seem the most in command
of themselves are the ripest for regression. In fact they are secretly longing
for it, because their power, position, and responsibilities are more a burden
than a pleasure. 3. Born in 1768, the French writer Francois Rene de
Chateaubriand grew in a medieval castle in Brittany. The castle wascold and
gloomy, as if inhabited by the ghosts of its past. The family lived there in
semiseclusion. Chateaubriand spent much of his time with his sister Lucile, and
his attachment to her was strong enough that rumors of incest made the rounds.
But when he was around fifteen, a new woman named Sylphide entered his -a woman
he created in his imagination, a composite of all the heroines, goddesses, and
courtesans he had read about in books. He was constantly seeing her features in
his mind, and hearing her voice. Soon she was taking walks with him, carrying
on conversations. He imagined her innocent and exalted, yet they would sometimes
do things that were not so innocent. He carried on this relationship for two
whole years, until finally he left for Paris, and replaced Sylphide with women
of flesh and blood. The French public, weary after the terrors of the 1790s,
greeted Chateaubriand's first books enthusiastically, sensing a new spirit in
them. His novels were full of windswept castles, brooding heroes, and
passionate heroines. Romanticism was in the air. Chateaubriand himself
resembled the characters in his novels, and despite his rather unattractive
appearance, women went wild over him-with him, they could escape their boring marriages
and live out the kind of turbulent romance he wrote about. Chateaubriand's
nickname was the Enchanter, and although he was married, and an ardent
Catholic, the number of his affairs increased with the years. But he had a
restless nature-he traveled to the Middle East, to the United States, all over
Europe. He could not find what he was looking for anywhere, and not the right
woman either: after the novelty of an affair wore off, he would leave. By 1807
he had had so many affairs, and still felt so unsatisfied, that he decided to
retire to his country estate, called Vallee aux Loups. He filled the place with
trees from all over the world, transforming the grounds into something out of
one of his novels. There he began to write the memoirs that he envisioned would
be his masterpiece. By 1817, however, Chateaubriand's life had fallen apart.
Money problems had forced him to sell Vallee aux Loups. Almost fifty, he
suddenly felt old, his inspiration dried up. That year he visited the writer
Madame de Stael, who had been ill and was now close to death. He spent several
days at her bedside, along with her closest friend, Juliette Recamier. Madame
Re- camier's affairs were infamous. She was married to a much older man, but they
had not lived together for some time; she had broken the hearts of the most
illustrious men in Europe, including Prince Metternich, the Duke of 344 The Art
of Seduction Wellington, and the writer Benjamin Constant. It had also been
rumored that despite all her flirtations she was still a virgin. She was now
almost forty, but she was the type of woman who seems youthful at any age. Drawn
together by their grief over de Stael's death, she and Chateaubriand became
friends. She listened so attentively to him, adopting his moods and echoing his
sentiments, that he felt that he had at last met a woman who understood him.
There was also something rather ethereal about Madame Recamier. Her walk, her
voice, her eyes-more than one man had compared her to some unearthly angel.
Chateaubriand soon burned with the desire to possess her physically. The year
after their friendship began, she had a surprise for him: she had convinced a
friend to purchase Vallee aux Loups. The friend was away for a few weeks, and
she invited Chateaubriand to spend some time with her at his former estate. He
happily accepted. He showed her around, explaining what each little patch of
ground had meant to him, the memories the place conjured up. He felt youthful
feelings welling up inside him, feelings he had forgotten about. He delved
further into the past, describing events in his childhood. At moments, walking
with Madame Recamier and looking into those kind eyes, he felt a shiver of
recognition, but he could not quite identify it. All he knew was that he had to
go back to the memoirs that he had laid aside. "I intendto employ the
little time that is left to me in describing my youth," he said, "so
long as its essence remains palpable to me." It seemed that Madame
Recamier returned Chateaubriand's love, but as usual she struggled to keep it a
spiritual affair. The Enchanter, however, deserved his nickname. His poetry,
his air of melancholy, and his persistence finally won the day and she
succumbed, perhaps for the first time in her life. Now, as lovers, they were
inseparable. But as always with Chateaubriand, over time one woman was not
enough. The restless spirit returned. He began to have affairs again. Soon he
and Recamier stopped seeing each other. In 1832, Chateaubriand was traveling
through Switzerland. Once again his life had taken a downward turn; only this
time he truly was old, in body and spirit. In the Alps, strange thoughts of his
youth began to assail him, memories of the castle in Brittany. Word reached him
that Madame Recamier was in the area. He had not seen her in years, and he
hurried to the inn where she was staying. She was as kind to him as ever;
during the day they took walks together, and at night they stayed up late,
talking. One day, Chateaubriand told Recamier he had finally decided to finish his
memoirs. And he had a confession to make: he told her the story of Sylphide,
his imaginary lover when he was growing up.He had once hoped to meet a Sylphide
in real life, but the women he had known had paled in comparison. Over the
years he had forgotten about his imaginary lover, but now he was an old man,
and he not only thought of her again, he could see her face and hear her voice.
And with those memories he realized that he had in fact met Sylphide in real
life-it was Madame Re- Effect Regression • 345 camier. The face and voice were
close. More important, there was the calm spirit, the innocent, virginal
quality. Reading to her the prayer to Sylphide he had just written, he told her
he wanted to be young again, and seeing her had brought his youth back to him.
Reconciled with Madame Re- camier, he began to work again on the memoirs, which
were eventually published under the title Memoirsfrom Beyond the Grave. Most
critics agreed that the book was his masterpiece. The memoirs were dedicated to
Madame Recamier, to whom he remained devoted until his death, in 1848. Interpretation.
All of us carry within us an image of an ideal type of person whom we yearn to
meet and love. Most often the type is a composite made up of bits and pieces of
different people from our youth, and even of characters in books and movies.
People who influenced us inordinately-a teacher for instance-may also figure.
The traits have nothing to do with superficial interests. Rather, they are
unconscious, hard to verbalize. We searched hardest for this ideal type in our
adolescence, when we were more idealistic. Often our first loves have more of
these traits than our subsequent affairs. For Chateaubriand, living with his
family in their secluded castle, his first love was his sister Lucile, whom he
adored and idealized. But since love with her was impossible, he created a
figure out of his imagination who had all her positive attributes-nobility of
spirit, innocence, courage. Madame Recamier could not have known about Chateaubriand's
ideal , but she did know something about him, well before she ever met him. She
had read all of his books, and his characters were highly autobiographical. She
knew of his obsession with his lost youth; and everyone knew of his endless and
unsatisfying affairs with women, his hyperrestless spirit. Madame Recamier knew
how to mirror people, entering their spirit, and one of her first acts was to
take Chateaubriand to Vallee aux Loups, where he felt he had left part of his
youth. Alive with memories, he regressed further into his childhood, to the
days in the castle. She actively encouraged this. Most important, she embodied
a spirit that came naturally to her, but that matched his youthfulideal;
innocent, noble, kind. (The fact that so many men fell in love with her
suggests that many men had the same ideals.) Madame Recamier was
Lucile/Sylphide. It took him years to realize it, but when he did, her spell
over him was complete. It is nearly impossible to embody someone's ideal
completely. But if you come close enough, if you evoke some of that ideal
spirit, you can lead that person into a deep seduction. To effect this
regression you must play the role of the therapist. Get your targets to open up
about their past, particularly their former loves and most particularly their
first love. Pay attento any expressions of disappointment, how this or that
person did not give them what they wanted. Take them to places that evoke their
youth. In this regression you are creating not so much a relationship of depen-
346 • The Art of Seduction dency and immaturity but rather the adolescent
spirit of a first love. There is a touch of innocence to the relationship. So
much of adult life involves compromise, conniving, and a certain toughness.
Create the ideal atmosphere by keeping such things out, drawing the other
person into a kind of mutual weakness, conjuring a second virginity. There
should be a dreamlike quality to the affair, as if the target were reliving
that first love but could not quite believe it. Let all of this unfoldslowly,each
encounter revealing more ideal qualities. The sense of reliving a past pleasure
is simply impossible to resist. . Some time in the summer of 1614, several
members of England's upper , including the Archbishop of Canterbury, met to
decide what to about the Earl of Somerset, the favorite of King James I, who
was forty-eight at the time. After eight years as the favorite, the young earl
had accumulated such power and wealth, and so many titles, that nothing was
left for anyone else. But how to get rid of this powerful man? For the time A
few weeks later the king was inspecting the royal stables when he year-old
George Villiers, a member of the lower nobility. The courtiers who accompanied
the king that day watched the king's eyes following Villiers, and saw with what
interest he asked about this young man. Indeed an angel and a charmingly
childish manner. When news of the king's intersupplant the dreaded favorite.
Left to nature, though, the seduction would never happen. They had to help it
along. So, without telling Villiers of their plan, they befriended him. James
was the son of Mary Queen of Scots. His childhood had been a nightmare: his
father, his mother's favorite, and his own regents had been murdered; his
mother had first been exiled, later executed. When James was young, to escape
suspicion he played the part of a fool. He hated the sight of a sword and could
not stand the slightest sign of argument. surrounded himself with bright, happy
young men, and seemed king was inconsolable. He needed distraction and good
cheer, and his faon Villiers, under the guise of trying to help him advance
within the court. They supplied him with a magnificent wardrobe, jewels, a
glittering carriage, the kind of things the king noticed. They worked on his
riding. Effect Regression • 347 fencing, tennis, dancing, Ms skills with birds
and dogs. He was instructed in conspirators managed to get him appointed the
royal cup-bearer; every night he poured out the king's wine, so that the king
could see him up close. After a few weeks, the king was in love. The boy seemed
to crave attention and tenderness, exactly what he yearned to offer. How
wonderful it be to mold and educate him. And what a perfect figure he had! The
conspirators convinced Villiers to break off his engagement to a young lady;
the king was single-minded in Ms affections, and could not competition. Soon
James wanted to be around Villiers all the time, spirit. The king appointed
Villiers gentleman of the bedchamber, making it for them to be alone together.
What particularly charmed James was that Villiers never asked for anything,
which made it all the more deto spoil him. By 1616, Villiers had completely
supplanted the former favorite. He . To the conspirators' dismay, however, he quickly
accumulated even him sweetheart in public, fix his doublets, comb his hair.
James zealously his favorite, anxious to preserve the young man's innocence. He
tended to the youth's every whim, in effect became his slave. In fact the tered
the room, he started to act like a child. The two were inseparable until the
king's death, in 1625. Interpretation. We are most definitely stamped forever
by our parents, in and seduced by the child. They may play the role of the
protector, but in the process they absorb the child's spirit and energy, relive
a part of their own childhood. And just as the child struggles against sexual
feelings toward the parent, the parent must repress comparable erotic feelings
that beneath the tenderness they feel. The best and most insidious way to
seduce people is often to position yourself as the child. Imagining
themstronger, more in control, they will be lured into your web. They will they
have nothing to fear. Emphasize your immaturity, your weakness, and you let
them indulge in fantasies of protecting and parenting you-a desire as people
get older. What they do not realize is that you are getting under their skin,
insinuating yourself-it is the child who is conthe adult. Your innocence makes
them want to protect you, but it is also sexually charged. Innocence is highly
seductive; some people even long play the corrupter of innocence. Stir up their
latent sexual feelings and you can lead them astray with the hope of fulfilling
a strong yet repressed gin to regress as well, infected by your childish,
playful spirit. Most of this came naturally to Villiers, but you will probably
have to use some calculation. Fortunately, all of us have strong childish
tendencies within us that are easy to access and exaggerate. Make your gestures
seem spontaneous and unplanned. Any sexual element of your behavior should seem
innocent, unconscious. Like Villiers, don't push for favors. Parents prefer to
spoil children who don't ask for things but invite them in their manner.
Seeming nonjudgmental and uncritical of those around you will make everything
you do seem more natural and naive. Have a happy, cheerful demeanor, but with a
playful edge. Emphasize any weaknesses you might have, things you cannot
control. Remember: most of us remember our early years fondly, but often,
paradoxically, the people with the strongest attachment to those times are the
ones who had the most difficult childhoods. Actually, circumstances kept them
from getting to be children, so they never really grew up, and they long for the
paradise they never got to experience. James I falls into this category. These
types are ripe targets for a reverse regression. Symbol: The Bed. Lying alone
in bed, the child feels unprotected, afraid, and needy. In a nearby room, there
is the parent's bed. It is large and forbidding, site of things you are not
supposed to know about. Give the seduced both feelings-helplessness and
transgression-as you lay them into bed and put them to sleep. Reversal T o
reverse the strategies of regression, the parties to a seduction would have to
remain adults during the process. This is not only rare, it is not very
pleasurable. Seduction means realizing certain fantasies. Being a mture and
responsible adult is not a fantasy, it is a duty. Furthermore, a person who remains
an adult in relation to you is harder to seduce. In all kinds of
seduction-political, media, personal-the target must regress. The only danger
is that the child, wearying of dependence, turns against the parent and rebels.
You must be prepared for this, and unlike a parent, never take it personally.
i8 Stir Up the Transgressive and Taboo There are always social limits on what
one can do. of these, the most elemental taboos, go back centuries; others are
more superficial, simply defining polite and acceptable behavior. Making your
targets feel that you are leading them past either kind of limit is immensely
seductive. People yearn to explore their dark side. Not everything in romantic
love is supposed to be tender and soft; hint that you have a cruel, even
sadistic streak. the desire to transgress draws your targets to you, it will be
hardfor them to stop. Take themfurther than they imagined-the shared feeling of
guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.The Lost Self I n March of
1812,the twenty-four-year-old George Gordon Byron published the first cantos of
his poem Childe Harold. The poem was filled with familiar gothic imagery-a
dilapidated abbey, debauchery, travels to the mysterious East-but what made it
different was that the hero of the poem was also its villain: Harold was a man
who led a life of vice, disdaining society's conventions yet somehow going
unpunished. Also, the poem was not set in some faraway land but in present-day
England. Childe Harold created an instant stir, becoming the talk of London.
The first printing quickly sold out. Within days a rumor made the rounds: the
poem, about a debauched young nobleman, was in fact autobiographical. Now the
cream of society clamored to meet Lord Byron, and many of them left their
calling cards at his London residence. Soon he was showing up at their homes.
Strangely enough, he exceeded their expectations. He was devilishly handsome,
with curling hair and the face of an angel. His black attire set off his pale
complexion. He did not talk much, which made an impression of itself, and when
he did, his voice was low and hypnotic and his tone a little disdainful. He had
a limp (he was born with a clubfoot), so when an orchestra struck up a waltz
(the dance craze of 1812), he would stand to the side, a faraway look in his
eye. The ladieswent wild over Byron. Upon meeting him. Lady Roseberry felt her
heart beating so violently (a mix of fear and excitement) that she had to walk
away. Women fought to be seated next to him, to win his attention, to be seduced
by him. Was it true that he was guilty of a secret sin, like the hero of his
poem? Lady Caroline Lamb-wife of William Lamb, son of Lord and Lady
Melbourne-was a glittering young woman on the social scene, but deep inside she
was unhappy. As a young girl she had dreamt of adventure, romance, travel. Now
she was expected to play the role of the polite young wife, and it did not suit
her. Lady Caroline was one of the first to read Childe Harold, and something
more than its novelty stirred her. When she saw Lord Byron at a dinner party,
surrounded by women, she looked at his face, then walked away; that night she
wrote of him in her journal, "Mad, bad, and dangerous to know." She
added, "That beautiful pale face is my fate." The next day, to Lady
Caroline's surprise. Lord Byron called on her. Evidently he had seen her
walking away from him, and her shyness had intrigued him-he disliked the
aggressive women who were constantly at his It is a matter of a certain hind of
feeling: that of being overwhelmed. There are many who have a great fear of
bring overwhelmed by someone; for example, someonewhomakes them laugh against
their will, or tickles them to death, or, worse, tells them things that they
sense to be accurate but which they do not quite understand, things that go
beyond their prejudices and received wisdom, In other words, they do not want
to be seduced, since seduction means confronting people with their limits,
limits that are supposed to be set and stable but that the seducer suddenly
causes to . Seduction is the desire of being overwhelmed, taken beyond. -DANIEL
SIBONY, L'AMOUR INCONSCIENT Just lately I saw a tight- reined stallion \ Get
the bit in his teeth and bolt \ Like lightning-yet the minute hefelt the reins
slacken, \ Drop loose on his flying mane, \ He stopped dead. We eternally chafe
at restrictions, covet \ Whatever's forbidden. (Look how a sick man who's told
\ No immersion hangs round the bathhouse.) \ . . . Desire \ Mounts for what's
kept out of reach. A thief s attracted \ By burglar-proof premises. How often
will love \ Thrive on a rival's approval? It's not your wife's beauty, but your
own \ Passion for her that gets -she must \ Have something, just to have hooked
you. A girl locked up by her \ Husband's not chaste but pursued, her fear's \ A
bigger draw than her figure. Illicit passion - like it \ Or not-is sweeter. It
only turns me on \ When the girl says, "I'm frightened." - OVID, THE
AM ORES,TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN It is often not possible for [women] later on
to undo the connection thus formed in their minds between sensual activities
and something forbidden, and they turn out to be psychically impotent, i.e.
frigid, when at last such activities do become permissible. This is the source
of the desire in so many women to keep even legitimate relations secret for a
time; and of the appearance of the capacity for normal sensation in others as
soon as the condition of prohibition is restored by a secret intrigue-untrue to
the husband, they can keep a second order offaith with the lover. • In my
opinion the necessary condition of forbiddenness in the erotic life of women
holds the same place as the man's heels, as it seemed he disdained everything,
including his success. Soon he was visiting Lady Caroline daily. He lingered in
her boudoir, played with her children, helped her choose her dress for the day.
She pressed him to talk of his life: he described his brutal father, the
untimely deaths that seemed to be a family curse, the crumbling abbey he had
inherited, his adventures in Turkey and Greece. His life was indeed as gothic
as that of Childe Harold. Within days the two became lovers. Now, though, the
tables turned: Lady Caroline pursued Byron with unladylike aggression. She
dressed as a page and sneakedintohiscarriage,wrotehimextravagantly emotional
letters, flaunted the affair. At last, a chance to play the grand romantic role
of her girlhood fantasies. Byron began to turn against her. He already loved to
shock; now he confessed to her the nature of the secret sin he had alluded to in
Childe Harold -his homosexual affairs during his travels. He made cruel
remarks, grew indifferent. But this only seemed to push her further. She sent
him the customary lock of hair, but from her pubis; she followed him in the
street, made public scenes-finally her family sent her abroad to avoid further
scandal. After Byron made it clear the affair was over, she descended into a
madness that would last several years. In 1813, an old friend of Byron's, James
Webster, invited the poet to stay at his country estate. Webster had a young
and beautiful wife. Lady Frances, and he knew Byron's reputation as a seducer,
but his wife was quiet and chaste-surely she would resist the temptation of a
man such as Byron. To Webster's relief, Byron barely spoke to Frances, who
seemed equally uninterested in him. Yet several days into Byron's stay, she
contrived to be alone with him in the billiards room, where she asked him a
question: how could a woman who liked a man inform him of it when he did not
perceive it? Byron scribbled a racy reply on a piece of paper, which made her
blush as she read it. Soon thereafter he invited the couple to stay with him at
his infamous abbey. There, the prim and proper Lady Frances saw him drink wine
from a human skull. They stayed up late in one of the abbey's secret chambers,
reading poetry and kissing. With Byron, it seemed. Lady Frances was only too
eager to explore adultery. That same year. Lord Byron's half sister Augusta
arrived in London to get away from her husband, who was having money troubles.
Byron had not seen Augusta for some time. The two were physically similar-the
same face, the same mannerisms; she was Lord Byron as a woman. And his behavior
toward her was more than brotherly. He took her to the theater, to dances,
received her at home, treating her with an intimate spirit that Augusta soon
returned. Indeed the kind and tender attention that Byron showered on her soon
became physical. Augusta was a devoted wife with three children, yet she
yielded to her half brother's advances. How could she help herself? He stirred
up a strange passion in her, a stronger passion than she felt for any other
man, including her husband. For Byron, his relationship with Augusta was the
ultimate and crowning sin of his career. And soon he was writing to his
friends, openly Stir Up the Transgressive and Taboo • 353 confessing it. Indeed
he delighted in their shocked responses, andhislong narrative poem. The Bride
ofAbydos, takes brother-sister incest as its theme. Rumors began to spread of
Byron's relations with Augusta, who was now pregnant with his child. Polite
society shunned him-but women were more drawn to him than before, and his books
were more popular than ever. Annabella Milbanke, Lady Caroline Lamb's cousin,
had met Byron in those first months of 1812 when he was the toast of London.
Annabella was sober and down to earth, and her interests were science and
religion. But there was something about Byron that attracted her. And the
feeling seemed to be returned: not only did the two become friends, to her
bewilderment he showed another kind of interest in her, even at one point
proposing marriage. This was in the midst of the scandal over Byron and
Caroline Lamb, and Annabella did not take the proposal seriously. Over the next
few months she followed his career from a distance, and heard the rumors of
incest. Yet in 1813, she wrote her aunt, "I consider his acquaintance as
so desirable that I would incur the risk of being called a Flirt for the sake
of enjoying it." Reading his new poems, she wrote that his
"description of Love almost makes me in love." She was developing an
obsession with Byron, of which word soon reached him. They renewed their
friendship, and in 1814 he proposed again; this time she accepted. Byron was a
fallen angel and she would be the one to reform him. It did not turn out that
way. Byron had hoped that married life would calm him down, but after the
ceremony he realized it was a mistake. He told Annabella, "Now you will
find that you have married a devil." Within a few years the marriage fell
apart. In 1816, Byron left England, never to return. He traveled through Italy
for a while; everyone knew his story-the affairs, the incest, the cruelty to
his lovers. But wherever he went, Italian women, particularly married noblewomen,
pursued him, making it clear in their own way how prepared they were to be the
next Byronic victim. In truth, the women had become the aggressors. As Byron
told the poet Shelley, "No one has been more carried off than poor dear
me-I've been ravished more often than anyone since the Trojan war."
Interpretation. Women of Byron's time were longing to play a different role
than society allowed them. They were supposed to be the decent, moralizing
force in culture; only men had outlets for their darker impulses. Underlying
the social restrictions on women, perhaps, was a fear of the more amoral and
unbridled part of the female psyche. Feeling repressed and restless, women of
the time devoured gothic novels and romances, stories in which womenwere
adventurous, and had the same capacity for good and evil as men. Books like
these helped to trigger a revolt, with women like Lady Caroline playing out a
little of the fantasy life they had had in their girlhood, where it had to some
extent been permit- need to lower his sexual object. . . . Women belonging to
the higher levels of civilization do not usually transgress the prohibition
against sexual activities during the period of waiting, and thus they acquire
this close association between the forbidden and the sexual. . . . • The
injurious results of the deprivation of sexual enjoyment at the beginning
manifest themselves in lack offull satisfaction when sexual desire is later
given free rein in marriage. But, on the other hand, unrestrained sexual
liberty from the beginning leads to no better result. It is easy to show that
the value the mind sets on erotic needs instantly sinks as soon as satisfaction
becomes readily obtainable. Some obstacle is necessary to swell the tide of the
libido to its height; and at all periods of , wherever natural barriers in the
way of satisfaction have not sufficed, mankind has erected conventional ones in
to be able to enjoy . This is true both of individuals and of nations. In times
during which no obstacles to sexual existed, such as, maybe, during the decline
of the civilizations of antiquity, love became worthless, lifebecameempty, and
strong reaction- formations were necessary before the indispensable emotional
value of love could be recovered. -SIGMUND FREUD, "CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE PSYCHOLOGY
OF LOVE," SEXUALITY AND THE PSYCHOLOGY OF LOVE, TRANSLATED BY JOAN RIVIERE
This is how Monsieur Maudair analyzed men's toward prostitutes: Neither the
love of a passionate but well- brought-up mistress, nor his marriage to a woman
he respects, can replace the prostitute for the animal in those moments when he
covets the pleasure of himself without his social prestige. can replace this
bizarre and powerful of being able to parody without any fear of revolt against
organized society, his organized, educated self and especially his Mauclair
hears the call of Devil in this dark poetized by prostitute represents the us
to put aside our ." LOVE AND THE FRENCH brought them joy; spoil their
game, he only them the more passionate about it, God . ... so it was with
Tristan and Isolde. As soon as they wereforbidden their desires, and prevented
from enjoying one another by spies and guards, they began to suffer intensely.
Desire now seriously tormented them by its magic, many times worse than before;
their need for one another was more ted. Byron arrived on the scene at the
right time. He became the lightning rod for women's unexpressed desires; with
him they could go beyond the limits society had imposed. For some the lure was
adultery, for others it was romantic rebellion, or a chance to become
irrational and uncivilized. (The desire to reform him merely covered up the
truth-the desire to be overwhelmed by him.) In all cases it was the lure of the
forbidden, which in this case was more than merely a superficial temptation:
once you became involved with Lord Byron, he took you further than you had
imagined or wanted, since he recognized no limits. Women did notjust fall in
love with him, they let him turn their lives upside down, even ruin them. They
preferred that fate to the safe confines of marriage. In some ways, the
situation of women in the early nineteenth century has become generalized in
the early twenty-first. The outlets for male bad behavior-war, dirty politics,
the institution of mistresses and courtesans- have faded away; today, notjust
women but men are supposed to be eminentlycivilizedandreasonable.Andmany have a
hard time living up to this. As children we are able to vent the darker side of
our characters, a side that all of us have. But under pressure from society (at
first in the form of our parents), we slowly repress the naughty, rebellious,
perverse streaks in our characters. To get along, we leam to repress our dark
sides, which become a kind of lost self, a part of our psyche buried beneath our
polite appearance. As adults, we secretly want to recapture that lost self-the
more adventurous, less respectful, childhood part of us. We are drawn to those
who live out their lost selves as adults, even if it involves some evil or
destruction. Like Byron, you can become the lightning rod for such desires. You
must leam, however, to keep this potential under control, and to use it
strategically. As the aura of the forbidden around you is drawing targets into
your web, do not overplay your dangerousness, or they will be frightened away.
Once you feel them falling under your spell, you have freer rein. If they begin
to imitate you, as Lady Caroline imitated Byron, then take it -mix in some
cruelty, involve them in sin, crime, taboo activity, whatever it takes. Unleash
the lost self within them; the more they act it out, the deeper your hold over
them. Going halfway will break the spell and create self-consciousness. Take it
as far as you can. Baseness attracts everybody. -JOHANN WOLFGANG GOETHE Keys to
Seduction S ociety and culture are based on limits-this kind of behavior is
acceptable, that is not. The limits are fluid and change with time, but there
are always limits. The alternative is anarchy, the lawlessness of nature, which
we dread. But we are strange animals: the moment any kind of limit is im- Stir
Up the Transgressive and Taboo • 355 posed, physically or psychologically, we
are instantly curious. A part of us wants to go beyond that limit, to explore
what is forbidden. If, as children, we are told not to go past a certain point
in the woods, that is precisely where we want to go. But we grow older, and
become polite and deferential; more and more boundaries encumber our lives. Do
not confuse politeness with happiness, however. It covers up frustration,
unwanted compromise. How can we explore the shadow side of our personality
without incurring punishment or ostracism? It seeps out in our dreams. We
sometimes wake up with a sense of guilt at the murder, incest, adultery, and
mayhem that goes on in our dreams, until we realize no one needs to know about
it but ourselves. But give a person the sense that with you they will have a
chance to explore the outer reaches of acceptable, polite behavior, that with
you they can vent some of their closeted personality, and you create the
ingredients for a deep and powerful seduction. You will have to go beyond the
point of merely teasing them with an elusive fantasy. The shock and seductive
power will come from the reality of what you are offering them. Like Byron, at
a certain point you can even press it further than they may want to go. If they
have followed you merely out of curiosity, they may feel some fear and
hesitation, but once they are hooked, they will fond you hard to resist, for it
is hard to return to a limit once you have transgressed and gone past it. The
human cries out for more, and does not know when to stop. You will determine
for them when it is time to stop. The moment people feel that something is
prohibited, a part of them will want it. That is what makes a married man or
woman such a delicious target-the more someone is prohibited, the greater the
desire. George Vil- , the Earl of Buckingham, was the favorite first of King
James I, then of James's son. King Charles I. Nothing was ever denied him. In
1625, on a visit to France, he met the beautiful Queen Anne and fell hopelessly
in love. What could be more impossible, more out of reach, than the queen of a
rival power? He could have had almost any other woman, but the prohibited
nature of the queen completely enflamed him, until he embarrassed himself
andhiscountry by trying to kiss her in public. Since what is forbidden is
desired, somehow you must make yourself seem forbidden. The most blatant way to
do this is to engage in behavior that gives you a dark and forbidden aura.
Theoretically you are someone to avoid; in fact you are too seductive to
resist. That was the allure of the actor Errol Flynn, who, like Byron, often
found himself the pursued rather than pursuer. Flynn was devilishly handsome,
but he also had something else: a definite criminal streak. In his wild youth
he engaged in all kinds of activities. In the 1950s he was charged with rape, a
permanent stain on his reputation even though he was acquitted; but his
popularity among women only increased. Play up your dark side and you will have
a similar effect. For your targets to be involved with you means going beyond
their limits, doing something naughty and unacceptable-to society, to their
peers. For many that is reason to bite the bait. painful and urgent than it had
ever been. • . . . just because they are forbidden, which they would certainly
not do if they were not forbidden. . . . Our Lord God gave Eve the freedom to
do what she would with all the fruits, flowers, and plants there were in
Paradise, except for only one, which he forbade her to touch on pain of death.
. . . She look the fruit and broke God's . . . but it is my firm belief now
that Eve would never have done this, if she had not been forbidden to.
-GOTTFRIED VON STRASSBURG, TRISTAN UND ISOLDE. QUOTED IN ANDREA HOPKINS, THE
BOOK OF COURTLY LOVE One of Monsieur Leopold Stern's friends rented a
bachelor's pied-a-terre where he received his wife as a mistress, served her
with port and petits-fours and "experienced all the tingling excitement of
adultery." He told Stern that it was a delightful sensation to cuckold
himself. -NINAEPTON, LOVE AND THE FRENCH The Art of Seduction In Junichiro
Tanazaki's 1928 novel Quicksand, Sonoko Kakiuchi, the wife of a respectable lawyer,
is bored and decides to take art classes to wile away the time. There, she
finds herself fascinated with a fellow female student, the beautiful Mitsuko,
who befriends her, then seduces her. Kakiuchi is forced to tell endless lies to
her husband about her involvement with and their frequent trysts. Mitsuko
slowly involves her in all kinds of nefarious activities, including a love
triangle with a bizarre young man. Each time Kakiuchi is made to explore some
forbidden pleasure, Mitsuko challenges her to go further and further. Kakiuchi
hesitates, feels remorse- she knows she is in the clutches of a devilish young
seductress who has played on her boredom to lead her astray. But in the end,
she cannot help following Mitsuko's lead-each transgressive act makes her want
more. Once your targets are drawn by the lure of the forbidden, dare them to
match you in transgressive behavior. Any kind of challenge is seductive. Take
it slowly heightening the challenge only after they show signs of yielding to
you. Once they are under your spell, they may not even notice how far out on a
limb you have taken them. The great eighteenth-century rake Due de Richelieu
had a prediliction for young girls and he would often heighten the seduction by
enveloping them in transgressive behavior, to which the young are particularly
susceptible. For instance, he would find a way into the young girl's house and
lure her into her bed; the parents would be just down the hall, adding the
proper spice. Sometimes he would act as if they were about to be discov, the
momentary fright sharpening the overall thrill. In all cases, he would try to
turn the young girl against her parents, ridiculing their religious zeal or
prudery or pious behavior. The duke's stategy was to attack the values that his
targets held dearest-precisely the values that represent a limit. In a young
person, family ties, religious ties, and the like are useful to the seducer;
young people barely need a reason to rebel against them. The , though, can be
applied to a person of any age: for every deeply held value there is a shadow
side, a doubt, a desire to explore what those values forbid. hi Renaissance
Italy, a prostitute would dress as a lady and go to church. Nothing was more
exciting to a man than to exchange glances with a woman whom he knew to be a
whore as he was surrounded by his wife, family, peers, and church officials.
Every religion or value system creates a dark side, the shadow realm of
everything it prohibits. Tease your targets, get them to flirt with whatever
transgresses their family values, which are often emotional yet superficial,
since they are imposed front the outside. One of the most seductive men of the
twentieth century, Rudolph Valentino, was known as the Sex Menace. His appeal
for women was twofold; he could be tender and attentive, but he also hinted of
cmelty. At any moment he could become dangerously bold, perhaps even a little
violent. The studios played up this double image as much as possible-when it
was reported that he had been abusive to his wife, for example, they ex- Stir
Up the Transgressive and Tabooploited the story. A mix of the masculine and the
feminine, the violent and the tender, will always seem transgressive and
appealing. Love is supposed to be tender and delicate, but in fact it can release
violent and destructive emotions; and the possible violence of love, the way it
breaks down our normal reasonableness, is just what attracts us. Approach
romance's violent side by mixing a cruel streak into your tender attentions,
particularly in the latter stages of the seduction, when the target is in your
clutches. The Lola Montez was known to turn to violence, using a whip now and
then, and Lou Andreas-Salome could be exceptionally cruel to her men, playing
coquettish games, turning alternately icy and demanding. Her cruelty only kept
her targets coming back for more. A masochistic involvecan represent a great
transgressive release. The more illicit your seduction feels, the more powerful
its effect. Give your targets the feeling that they are committing a kind of
crime, a deed whose guilt they share with you. Create public moments in which
the two of you know something that those around you do not. It could be phrases
and looks that only you recognize, a secret. Byron's seductive appeal to Lady
Frances was connected to the nearness of her husband-in his company, for
example, she had a love letter of Byron's hidden in her bosom. Johannes, the
protagonist of Spren Kierkegaard's The Seducer's Diary, sent a message to his
target, the young Cordelia, in the middle of a dinner party they were both
attending; she could not reveal to the other guests that it was from him, for
then she wouldhaveto do some explaining. He might also say something in public
that would have a special meaning for her, since it referred to something in
one of his letters. All of this added spice to the affair by giving it a
feeling of a shared secret, even a guilty crime. It is critical to play on
tensions like these in public, creating a sense of complicand collusion against
the world. In the Tristan and Isolde legend, the famous lovers reach the
heights of and exhilaration exactly because of the taboos they break. Isolde is
engaged to King Mark; she will soon be a married woman. Tristan is a loyal
subject and warrior in the service of King Mark, who is his father's age. The
whole affair has a feeling of stealing away the bride from the father.
Epitomizing the concept of love in the Western world, the legend has had
immense influence over the ages, and a crucial part of it is the idea that
without obstacles, without a feeling of transgression, love is weak and
flavorless. People may be straining to remove restrictions on private behavior,
to make everything freer, in the world today, but that only makes seduction
more difficult and less exciting. Do what you can to reintroduce a feeling of
transgression and crime, even if it is only psychological or illusory. There
must be obstacles to overcome, social norms to flout, laws to break, before the
seduction can be consummated. It might seem that a permissive society imposes
few limits; find some. There will always be limits, sacred cows, behavioral
standards-endless ammunition for stirring up the transgressive and taboo.
Symbol: The Forest. The children are told not to go into the forest that lies
just beyond the safe confines of their home. There is no law there, only
wilderness, wild animals, and . But the chance to explore, the alluring
darkness, and the fact that it is prohibited are impossible to resist. And once
inside, they want to go farther andfarther. Reversal T he reversal of stirring
up taboos would be to stay within the limits of acceptable behavior. That would
make for a very tepid seduction. Which is not to say that only evil or wild
behavior is seductive; goodness, kindness, and an aura of spirituality can be
tremendously attractive, they are rare qualities. But notice that the game is
the same. A person who is kind or good or spiritual within the limits that
society prescribes has weak appeal. It is those who go to the extreme-the
Gandhis, the Krish- namurtis-who seduce us. They do not merely expound a
spiritual life, they do away with all personal material comfort to live out
their ascetic ideals. They too go beyond the limits, transgressing acceptable
behavior, because societies would find it hard to function if everyone
wenttosuchlengths.Inseduction, there is absolutely no power in respecting
boundaries and limits. IQ Use Spiritual Lures Everyone has doubts and
insecurities-about their body, their self-worth, their sexuality. If your
seduction appeals exclusively to the , you will stir up these doubts and make
your targets self-conscious. Instead, lure out of their insecurities by making
them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty
work of art, the occult. Play up your divine qualities; affect an air of
discontent with things; speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that
unite you and the object of the seduction. Lost in a spiritual mist, the target
will feel light and uninhibited. Deepen the effect of your seduction by making
its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two souls. Object of
Worship L iane de Pougy was the reigning courtesan of 1890s Paris. Slender and
androgynous, she was a novelty, and the wealthiest men in Europe vied to
possess her. By late in the decade, however, she had grown tired of it all.
"What a sterile life," she wrote a friend. "Always the same
routine: the Bois, the races, fittings; and to end an insipid day:
dinner!" What wearied the most was the constant attention of her male
admirers, who sought to monopolize her physical charms. One spring day in 1899,
Liane was riding in an open carriage through the Bois de Boulogne. As usual,
men tipped their hats at her as she passed by. But one of these admirers caught
her by surprise: a young woman with blond hair, who gave her an intense,
worshipful stare. Liane smiled at woman, who smiled and bowed in return. A few
days later Liane began to receive cards and flowers from a
twenty-three-year-old American named Natalie Barney, who identified herself as
the blond admirer in the Bois de Boulogne, and asked for a ren. Liane invited
Natalie to visit, but to amuse herself she decided to play a little joke: a
friend would take her place, lounging on her bed in the dark boudoir, while
Liane would hide behind a screen. Natalie arrived at bouquet of flowers.
Kneeling before the bed, she began to praise the courtesan, comparing her to a
Era Angelico painting. All too soon, she someone laugh-and standing up she
realized the joke that had been played on her. She blushed and made for the
door. When Liane hurried "Come back tomorrow morning. I'll be alone."
The young American showed up the next day, wearing the same outfit. was witty
and spirited; Liane relaxed in her presence, and invited her to stay for the
courtesan's morning ritual-the elaborate makeup, clothes, and beautiful woman
she had ever seen. Playing the part of the page, she followed Liane to the
carriage, opened the door for her with a bow, and accompanied her on her
habitual ride through the Bois de Boulogne. Once inside the park, Natalie knelt
on the floor, out of sight of the passing gentlemen who tipped their hats to
Liane. She recited poems she had writ- Ah! always to be able to freely love the
one whom one loves! To spend my life at yourfeet like our last days together.
To protect only one to throw you on this bed of moss. . . . We'll find each
other again falls, we'll go deep in the to lose the paths island of describe
for you those delicate female couples, and far from the cities and the , we'll
forget everything but the Ethics of Beauty. -NATALIE BARNEY, LETTER TO LIANE DE
POUGY,QUOTED IN CHALON, PORTRAIT OF A NATALIE BARNEY, TRANSLATED Natalie, who
used to ravage the land of love. by husbands since no one could resist her
could see how women abandon their potions. Natalie preferred writing poems; she
always knew how to blend the physical and the spiritual. JEAN CHALON, PORTRAIT
OF NATAUE BARNEY. TRANSLATED town of Gafsa, in Barbary, very rich man who had daughter
called Alibech. She was not in Liane's honor, and she told the courtesan she
considered it a mission That evening Natalie took her to the theater to see
Sarah Bernhardt with Hamlet-his hunger for the sublime, his hatred of
tyranny-which, for her, was the tyranny of men over women. Over the next few
days Liane received a steady flow of flowers from Natalie, and telegrams with
little poems in her honor. Slowly the worshipful words and looks became more
physical, with the occasional touch, then a caress, even a kiss-and a Mss felt
different from any in Liane's experience. One morning, with Natalie in
attendance, Liane prepared to take a bath. As she slipped out Natalie to throw
off her clothes andjoin her. Within a few days, all Paris knew that Liane de Pougy
had a new lover: Natalie Barney. made no effort to disguise her new affair,
publishing a novel, had an affair with a woman before, and she described her
involvement with were many one day, having on the Christian faith and the one
of them for his opinion her by saying the ones who served put the greatest
distance themselves and the case of people who remoter parts of the . • She
said no about it to anyone, next morning, being a offourteen or alone, in
secret, and A few days later, hunger, she arrived in the of the wilderness,
long life, she remembered the affair as by far her most intense. her. Renee was
obsessed with death; she also felt there was something wrong with her,
experiencing moments of intense self-loathing. In 1900, Renee met Natalie at the
theater. Something about the American's kind eyes melted Renee's normal
reserve, and she began sending poems to Natalie, who responded with poems of
her own. They soon became friends. confessed that she had had an intense
friendship with another woman, but that it remained platonic-the thought of
physical involverepulsed her. Natalie told her about the ancient Greek poet
Sappho, who celebrated love between women as the only love that is innocent and
apartment, which she had transformed into a kind of chapel. The room filled
with candles and with white lilies, the flowers she associated with Natalie.
That night the two women became lovers. They soon moved in together, but when
Renee realized that Natalie could not be faithful to her, her love turned into hatred.
She broke off the relationship, moved out, and vowed to never see her again.
the next few months Natalie sent her letters and poems, and do with her. One
evening at the opera, though, Natalie sat down beside for the past, and also a
simple request: the two women should go on a pilgrimage to the Greek island of
Lesbos, Sappho's home. Only there could they purify themselves and their
relationship. Renee could not resist. Use Spiritual Lures • 36 3 Renee wrote
her, "My blond Siren, I don't want you to become like those who dwell on
earth. ... I want you tostayyourself,forthisis the way you cast your spell over
me." Their affair lasted until Renee's death, in 1909. Interpretation.
Liane de Pougy and Renee Vivien both suffered a similar oppression: they were
self-absorbed, hyperaware of themselves. The source of this habit in Liane was
men's constant attention to her body. She could never escape their looks, which
plagued her with a feeling of heaviness. Renee, meanwhile, thought too much
about her own problems- her repression of her lesbianism, her mortality. She
felt consumed with self-hatred. Natalie Barney, on the other hand, was buoyant,
lighthearted, absorbed in the world around her. Her seductions-and by the end
of her life they numbered well into the hundreds-all had a similar quality: she
took the victim outside herself, directing her attention toward beauty, poetry,
the innocence of Sapphic love. She invited her women to participate in a kind
of cult in which they would worship these sublimities. To heighten the cultlike
feeling, she involved them in little rituals: they would call each other by new
names, send each other poems in daily telegrams, wear costumes, women would
start to direct some of the worshipful feelings they were extoward Natalie, who
seemed as lofty and beautiful as the things she held up to be adored; and,
pleasantly diverted into this spiritualized , they
wouldalsoloseanyheavinessthey had felt about their bodies, their selves, their
identities. Their repression of their sexuality would melt away. By the time
Natalie kissed or caressed them, it would feel like something innocent, pure,
as if they had returned to the Garden of Eden before the fall. Religion is the
great balm of existence because it takes us outside ourselves, connects us to
something larger. As we contemplate the object of worship (God, nature), our
burdens are lifted away. It is wonderful to feel raised up from the earth, to
experience that kind of lightness. No matter how progressive the times, many of
us feel uncomfortable with our bodies, our animal drives. A seducer who focuses
too much attention on the physical will stir up self-consciousness, and a
residue of disgust. So focus attention on something else. Invite the other
person to worship something beautiful in the world. It could be nature, a work
of art, even God (or gods-paganism never goes out of fashion); people are dying
to believe in something. Add some rituals. If you can make yourself seem to
resemble the thing you are worshiping-you are natural, aesthetic, noble, and
sublime-your targets will transfer their worship to you. Religion and where,
catching sight of a hut in the distance, she stumbled toward it, and in the
doorway she found a holy man, who was astonished to see her in those parts and
asked her what she was doing there. She told him that she had been inspired by
God, and that she was trying, not only to serve Him, but also to find someone
who could teach her how she should go about it. • On observing how young and
exceedingly pretty she was, the good man was afraid to take her under his wing
lest the devil should catch him unawares. So he praised her for her good
intentions, and having given her a quantity of herb roots, wild apples, and
dates to eat, and some water to drink, he said to : • "My daughter, not-
very far from here there is a holy man who is much more capable than I of
teaching you what you want to know. Go along to him." And he sent her upon
her way. • When she came to this second man, she was told precisely the same
thing, and so she went on until she arrived at the cell of a young hermit, a
very devout and fellow called Rustico, to whom she put the same inquiry as she
had addressed to the others. Being anxious to prove to himself that he
possessed a of iron, he did not, like the others, send her or direct her
elsewhere, but kept her corner of which, when descended, he prepared a
makeshift bed out of palm leaves, upon which he invited her to lie down and
rest. • Once he had taken this step, very little time elapsed before temptation
went to war against his willpower, and after the first few assaults, finding
himself outmaneuvered on all fronts, he laid down his arms and surrendered.
Casting aside pious thoughts, prayers, and penitential exercises, he began to
concentrate his youth and beauty of the girl, and to devise suitable and
meansfor her in such a fashion that she should not think it lewd of him to make
the sort of proposal he had in mind. By certain questions to , he soon
discovered that she had never been with the opposite and was every hit as
innocent as she seemed; and he therefore thought of her, with the pretext of .
He began by delivering a long speech in which he showed her how powerful an
enemy the devil was to the Lord God, and followed this up by appreciated
consisted in putting the devil back in Hell, to which the had consigned The
girl asked him how was done, and Rustico replied: • "You will soon
whatever you see me doing saying, he began to divest of the few clothes himself
completely naked. The girl followed his example, and he sank to his knees as
though he spirituality are full of sexual undertones that can be brought to the
surface once you have made your targets lose their self-awareness. From
spiritual ecstasy to sexual ecstasy is but one small step. Come back to take
me, quickly, and lead me far away. Purify me with a great fire of divine love,
none of the animal kind. You are all soul when you want to be, when you feel
it, take me far away from my body. -LIANE DE POUGY Keys to Seduction R eligion
is the most seductive system that mankind has created. Death is our greatest
fear, and religion offers us the illusion that we are immortal, that something
about us will live on. The idea that we are an infinitesimal part of a vast and
indifferent universe is terrifying; religion humanizes this universe, makes us
feel important and loved. We are not animals governed by uncontrollable drives,
animals that die for no apparent reason, but creatures made in the image of a
supreme being. We too can be sublime, rational, and good. Anything that feeds a
desire or a wished-for illusion is seductive, and nothing can match religion in
this arena. Pleasure is the bait that you use to lure a person into your web.
But no matter how clever a seducer you are, in the back of your targets' mind
they are aware of the endgame, the physical conclusion toward which you are
heading. You may think your target is unrepressed and hungry for pleasure, but
almost all of us are plagued by an underlying unease with our animal nature.
Unless you deal with this unease, your seduction, even when successful in the
short term, will be superficial and temporary. Instead, like Natalie Barney,
try to capture your target's soul, to build the foundation of a deepand lasting
seduction. Lure the victim deep into your web with spirituality, making
physical pleasure seem sublime and transcendent. Spirituality will disguise
your manipulations, suggesting that your relationship is timeless, and creating
a space for ecstasy in the victim's mind. Remember that seduction is a mental
process, and nothing is more mentally intoxicating than religion, spirituality,
and the occult. In Gustave Flaubert's novel Madame Bo\ury, Rodolphe Boulanger
visits the country doctor Bovary and finds himself interested in the doctor's
beautiful wife, Emma. Boulanger was brutal and shrewd. He was something of a
connoisseur: there had been many women in his life." He senses that Emma
is bored. A few weeks later he manages to run into her at a county fair, where
he gets her alone. He affects an air of sadness and gloom; "Many's the
time I've passed a cemetery in the moonlight and asked myself if I wouldn't be
better off lying there with the rest. ..." He mentions his bad reputation;
he deserves it, he says, but is it his fault? "Do you really not know that
there exist souls that are ceaselessly in torment?" Sev- Use Spiritual
Lures • 365 eral times he takes Emma's hand, but she politely withdraws it. He
talks of love, the magnetic force that draws two people together. Perhaps it
has roots in some earlier existence, some previous incarnation of their souls.
"Take us, for example. Why should we have met? How did it happen? It can
only be that something in our particular inclinations made us come closer and
closer across the distance that separated us, the way two rivers flow
together." He takes her hand again and this time she lets him hold it.
After the fair, he avoids her for a few weeks, then suddenly shows up, claiming
that he tried to stay away but that fate, destiny, has pulled him back. He takes
Emma riding. When he finally makes his move, in the woods, she seems frightened
and rejects his advances. "You must have some mistaken idea," he
protests. "I have you in my heart like a Madonna on a pedestal. ... I
beseech you: be my friend, my sister, my angel!" Under the spell of his
words, she lets him hold her and lead her deeper into the woods, where she
succumbs. Rodolphe's strategy is threefold. First he talks of sadness,
melancholy, discontent, talk that makes him seem nobler than other people,as if
life's common material pursuits could not satisfy him. Next he talks of
destiny, the magnetic attraction of two souls. This makes his interest in Emma
seem not so much a momentary impulse as something timeless, linked to the
movement of the stars. Finally he talks of angels, the elevated and the
sublime. By placing everything on the spiritual plane, he distracts Emma from
the physical, makes her feel giddy, and packs a seduction that could have taken
months into a matter of a few encounters. The references Rodolphe uses might
seem cliched by today's standards, but the strategy itself will never grow old.
Simply adapt it to the occult fads of the day. Affect a spiritual air by
displaying a discontent with the banalities of life. It is not money or sex or
success that moves you; your drives are never so base. No, something much
deeper motivates you. Whatever this is, keep it vague, letting the target
imagine your hidden depths. The stars, astrology, fate, are always appealing;
create the sense that destiny has brought you and your target together. That
will make your seduction feel more natural. In a world where too much is
controlled and manufactured, the sense that fate, necessity, or some higher
power is guiding your relationship is doubly seductive. If you want to weave
religious motifs into your seduction, it is always bestto choose some distant,
exotic religion with a slightly pagan air. It is easy to move from pagan
spirituality to pagan earthiness. Timing counts: once you have stirred your
targets' souls, move quickly to the physical, making sexuality seem merely an
extension of the spiritual vibrations you are experiencing. In other words,
employ the spiritual strategy as close to thetime for your bold move as
possible. The spiritual is not exclusively the religious or the occult. It is
anything that will add a sublime, timeless quality to your seduction. In the
modern world, culture and art have in some ways taken the place of religion.
There are two ways to use art in your seduction: first, create it yourself, in
the target's honor. Natalie Barney wrote poems, and barraged her targets with
were about to pray, getting her to kneel directly opposite. • In this posture,
the girl's beauty was displayed to Rustico in all its glory, and his longings
blazed more fiercely than ever, bringing about the resurrection of the flesh.
Alibech stared at this in amazement and said: • "Rustico, what is that I
see sticking out in front of you, which I do not possess?" • "Oh, my
daughter," said Rustico, "this is the devil I was telling you about.
Do you see what he's doing? He's hurting me so much that I can hardly endure
it. " • "Oh, praise be to God," said the girl, "I can see I
am better off than you are, for I have no such devil to contend with." •
"You're right there;" said Rustico. "But you have something else
instead, that I haven't." • "Oh?" said Alibech. "And what's
?" • "You have Hell," said Rustico. "And I believe that God
has sent you he re for the salvation of my soul, because if this devil
continues to plague the life out of me, and if you are prepared to take
sufficient pity upon me to let me put him back into Hell, you will be giving me
marvelous relief, as well as rendering incalculable service and pleasure to
God, which is what you say you came here for in the first place." •
"Oh, Father," replied the girl in all innocence, "if I really do
have Hell, let's do as you suggest just as soon as you are ready." •
"God bless you, my daughter," said Rustico. "Let's go and put
him back, and then perhaps he'll leave me alone. " • At which point he
conveyed the girl to one of their beds, where he instructed her in the art of
incarcerating that accursed fiend. • Never having put a single devil into Hell
before, the girl found the first experience a little painful, and she said to :
• "This devil must certainly be a bad lot, Father, and a true enemy of
God, for as well as mankind, he even hurts Hell when he's driven back inside
it. " • "Daughter," said Rustico, it will not always be like
that." And in order to ensure that it wouldn't, before movingfrom the bed
they put him back half a dozen times, curbing his arrogance to such good effect
that he was positively glad to keep stillfor the rest of the day. • During the
nextfew days, however, the devil's pride frequently reared its head again, and
the girl, ever ready to obey the call to duty and bringhim under control,
happened to develop a taste for the sport, and began saying to Rustico: •
"I can certainly see what those worthy men in Gafsa meant when they said
that serving God was so . I don't honestly recall ever having done anything
that gave me so much pleasure and satisfaction as I get from putting the devil
back in Hell. To my way of thinking, anyone who devotes his energies to but the
service of God is a complete blockhead." • . . . And so, young ladies, if
you stand in need of God's grace, see them. Half of Picasso's appeal to many
women was the hope that he would immortalize them in his paintings-for Ars
longa, vita brevis (Art is long, life is short), as they used to say in Rome.
Even if your love is a passing fancy, by capturing it in a work of art you give
it a seductive illusion of eternity. The second way to use art is to make it
ennoble the affair, giving your seduction an elevated edge. Natalie Barney took
her targets to the theater, to the opera, to museums, to places full of history
and atmosphere. In such your souls can vibrate to the same spiritual
wavelength. Of course you should avoid works of art that are earthy or vulgar,
calling attention to your intentions. The play, movie, or book can be
contemporary, even a little raw, as long as it contains a noble message and is
tied to somejust cause. Even a political movement can be spiritually uplifting.
Remember to tailor your spiritual lures to the target. If the target is earthy
and cynical, paganism or art will be more productive than the occult or
religious piety. The Russian mystic Rasputin was revered for his saintliness
and his healing powers. Women in particular were fascinated with Rasputin and
would visit him in his St. Petersburg apartment for spiritual guidance. He
would talk to them of the simple goodness of the Russian peasantry, God's
forgiveness, and other lofty matters. But after a few minutes of this, he would
inject a comment or two that were of a much different nature- something about
the woman's beauty, her lips that were so inviting, the desires she could
inspire in a man. He would talk of different kinds of love-love of God, love
between friends, love between a man and a woman-but mix them all up as if they
were one. Then as he returned to discussing spiritual matters, he would
suddenly take the woman's hand, or whisper into her ear. All this would have
ait intoxicating effectwomenwouldfindthemselves dragged into a kind of
maelstrom, both spiritually uplifted and sexually excited. Hundreds of women
succumbed during these spiritual visits, for he would also tell them that they
could not repent until they had sinned, and who better to sin with than
Rasputin. Rasputin understood the intimate connection between the sexual and
the spiritual. Spirituality, the love of God, is a sublimated version of sexual
love. The language of the religious mystics of the Middle Ages is full oferotic
images; the contemplation of God and of the sublime can offer a kind of mental
orgasm. There is no more seductive brew than the combination of the spiritual
and the sexual, the high and the low. When you talk of spiritual matters, then,
let your looks and physical presence hint of sexuality at the same time. Make
the harmony of the universe and union with God seem to confuse with physical
harmony and the union between two people. If you can make the endgame of your
seduction appear as a spiritual experience, you will heighten the physical
pleasure and create a seduction with a deep and lasting effect. Use Spiritual
Lures • 367 Symbol: The Stars in the sky. Objects of worship for centuries, and
symbols of the sublime and divine. In contemplating them, we are momentarily
distractedfrom everything mundane and mortal. Wefeel lightness. Lift your
targets' minds up to the stars and they will not notice what is happening here
on earth. that you learn to put the devil back in Hell, for it is greatly to
His liking and pleasurable to the parties concerned, and a great deal of good
can arise and flow in the process. -GIOVANNI BOCCACCIO, THE DECAMERON,
TRANSLATED BYG.H. MCWILLIAM Reversal L etting your targets feel that your
affection is neither temporary nor superficial will often make them fall deeper
under your spell. In some, though, it can arouse an anxiety: the fear of
commitment, of a claustrophobic relationship with no exits. Never let your
spiritual lures seem to be leading in that direction, then. To focus attention
on the distant future may implicitly constrict their freedom; you should be
seducing them, not offering to marry them. What you want is to make them lose
themselves in the moment, experiencing the timeless depth of your feelings in
the present tense. Religious ecstasy is about intensity, not temporal
extensity. Giovanni Casanova used many spiritual lures in his seductions-the
occult, anything that would inspire lofty sentiments. For the time that he was
involved with a woman, she would feel that he would do anything for her, that
he was not just using her only to abandon her. But she also knew that when it
became convenient to end the affair, hewouldcry, give her a magnificent gift,
then quietly leave. This was just what many young women wanted-a temporary
diversion from marriage or an oppressive family. Sometimes pleasure is best
when we know it is fleeting. 20 Mix Pleasure with Pain The greatest mistake in
seduction is being too nice. At first, perhaps, your kindness is charming, but
it soon grows monotonous; you are trying too hard to please, and seem insecure.
Instead of overwhelming your targets with niceness, try inflicting some pain.
Lure them in with focused attention, then change direction, appearing suddenly
uninterested. Make them feel guilty and insecure. Even instigate a breakup,
subjecting them to an emptiness and pain that will give you room to
maneuver-now a rapprochement, an apology, a return to your earlier kindness,
will turn them weak at the knees. The lower the lows you create, the greater
the highs. To heighten the erotic charge, create the excitement offear. The
Emotional Roller Coaster O ne hot summer afternoon in 1894, Don Mateo Diaz, a
thirty-eight- year-old resident of Seville, decided to visit a local tobacco
factory Because of his connections Don Mateo was allowed to tour the place, but
his interest was not in the business side. Don Mateo liked young girls, and
hundreds of them worked in the factory. Just as he had expected, that day
manyofthem were in a state of near undress because of the heat-it was quite a
spectacle. He enjoyed the sights for a while, but the noise and the temperature
soon got to him. As he was heading for the door, though, a worker of no more
than sixteen called out to him: "Caballero, if you will give me a penny I
will sing you a little song." The girl's name was Conchita Perez, and she
looked young and innocent, in fact beautiful, with a sparkle in her eye that
suggested a taste for adventure. The perfect prey. He listened to her song
(which seemed vaguely suggestive), tossed her a coin that was equal to a
month's salary, tipped his hat, then left. It was never good to come on too
strong too early. As he walked along the street, he plotted how he would lure
her into an affair. Suddenly he felt a hand on his arm and he turned to see her
walking alongside him. It was too hot to work-would he be a gentleman and
escort her home? Of course. Do you have a lover? he asked her. No, she said,
"I am mozita" -pure, a virgin. Conchita lived with her mother in a
rundown part of town. Don Mateo exchanged pleasantries, slipped the mother some
money (he knew from experience how important it was to keep the mother happy),
then left. He considered waiting a few days, but he was impatient, and returned
the following morning. The mother was out. He andConchita resumed their playful
banter from the day before, and to his surprise she suddenly sat in his lap,
put her arms around him, and kissed him. His strategy flying out the window, he
took hold of her and returned the kiss. She immediately jumped up, her eyes
flashing with anger: you are trifling with me, she said, using me for a quick
thrill. Don Mateo denied having any such intentions, and apologized for going
too far. When he left, he felt confused: she had started it all; why should he
feel guilty? And yet he did. Young girls can be so unpredictable; it is best to
break them in slowly Over the next few days Don Mateo was the perfect
gentleman. He visited every day, showered mother and daughter with gifts, made
no advances-at least not at first. The damned girl had become so familiar The
more one pleases generally, the less one pleases profoundly. -STENDHAL, LOVE,
TRANSLATED BY GILBERT AND SUZANNE SALE You should mix in the odd rebuff \ With
your cheerful fun. Shut him out of the house, let him wait there \ Cursing that
locked front door, let him plead \ And threaten all he's a mind to. Sweetness
cloys the palate, \ Bitter juice is a freshener. Often a small skiff \ Is sunk
by favoring winds: it's their husbands' access to them, \ At will, that
deprives so many wives of love. \ Let her put in a door, with a hard-faced
porter to tell him \ "Keep out," and he'll soon be touched with
desire \ Through frustration. Put down your blunt foils, fight with sharpened
weapons \ (I don't doubt that my own shafts \ Will be turned against me). When
a new-captured lover \ Is stumbling into the toils, then let him believe \ He
alone has rights to your bed-but later, make him 371 372 conscious \ Of rivals,
of shared delights. Neglect \ These devices-his ardor will wane. A racehorse
runs most strongly \ When the field's ahead, to be paced \ And passed. So the
dying embers of passion can be fanned to \ Fresh flame by some outrage-I can
only love, \ Myself, I confess it, when wronged. But don't let the cause of\
Pain be too obvious: let a lover suspect \ More than he knows. Invent a slave
who watches your every \ Movement, make clear with him that she would dress in
front of him, or greet him in her nightgown. These glimpses of her body drove
him crazy, and he would sometimes try to steal a kiss or caress, only to have
her push him away and scold him. Weeks went by; clearly he had shown that his
was not a passing fancy. of the endless courtship, he took Conchita's mother
aside one day and proposed that he set the girl up in a house of her own. He
would treat her like a queen; she would have everything she wanted. (So, of
course, would her mother.) Surely his proposal would satisfy the two women-but
the next day, a note came from Conchita, expressing not gratitude but
recrimination: he was trying to buy her love. "You shall never see me
again," she concluded. He hurried to the house only to discover that the
women had moved out that very morning, without leaving word where they were
going. Don Mateo felt terrible. Yes, he had acted like a boor. Next time he
what a jealous martinet \ That man of yours is - such things will excite him.
Pleasure \ Too safely enjoyed lacks zest. You want to be free \ As Thais? Act
scared. Though the door's quite safe, let him in by \ The window. Look nervous.
Have a smart \ Maid rush in, scream "We're caught!" while you bundle
the quaking \ Youth out of sight. But be sure \ To offset his fright with some
moments of carefree pleasure - \ Or he'll think a night with you isn't worth
the risk. - OVID. THE ART OF LOVE, TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN "Certainly,"
I said, "I have often told you that pain holds a peculiar attraction for
me, and that nothing kindles my passion quite so much as tyranny cruelty and
above all unfaithfulness in a beautiful woman." -LEOPOLD VON SACHER-
MASOCH, VENUS IN FURS, TRANSLATE DBYJEANMCNE wait months, or years if need be,
before being so bold. Soon, however, another thought assailedhim:he would never
see Conchita again. Only then did he realize how much he loved her. The winter
passed, the worst of Mateo's life. One spring day he was walking down the
street when he heard someone calling his name. He looked up: Conchita was
standing in an open window, beaming with excitement. She bent down toward him
and he kissed her hand, beside himself with joy. Why had she disappeared so
suddenly? It was all going too quickly, she said. She had been afraid-of his
intentions, and of her own feelings. But seeing him again, she was certain that
she loved him. Yes, she was ready to be his mistress. She would prove it, she
would come to him. Being apart had changed them both, he thought. A few nights
later, as promised, she appeared at his house. They kissed and began to
undress. He wanted to savor every minute, to take it slowly, but he felt like a
caged bull finally set free. He followed her into bed, his hands all over her.
He started to take off her underwear but it was laced up in some complicated
way. Eventually he had to sit up and take a look: she was wearing some
elaborate canvas contraption, of a kind he had never seen. No matter how hard
he tugged and pulled, it would not come off. He felt like hitting Conchita, he
was so distraught, but instead he started to cry. She explained: she wanted to
do everything with him, yet to remain a mozita. This was her protection.
Exasperated, he sent her home. Over the next few weeks, Don Mateo began to
reassess his opinion of Conchita. He saw her flirting with other men, and
dancing a suggestive flamenco in a bar: she was not a mozita, he decided, she
was playing him for money. And yet he could not leave her. Another man would
take his place-an unbearable thought. She would invite him to spend the night
in jier bed, as long as he promised not to force himself on her; and then, as
if to torture him beyond reason, she would get into bed naked (supposedly
because of the heat). All this he put up with on the grounds that no other man
had such privileges. But one night, pushed to the limits of frustration, he
exploded with anger, and issued an ultimatum: either give me what I Mix
Pleasure with Pain • 373 want or you will never see me again. Suddenly Conchita
started to cry. He had never seen her cry, and it moved him. She too was tired
of all this, she said, her voice trembling; if it was not too late, she was
ready to accept the proposal she had once turned down. Set her up in a house,
and he would see what a devoted mistress she would be. Don Mateo wasted no
time. He bought her a villa, gave her plenty of money to decorate it. After
eight days the house was ready. She would receivehim there at midnight. What
joys awaited him. Don Mateo showed up at the appointed hour. The barred door to
the courtyard was closed. He rang the bell. She came to the other side of the
door. "Kiss my hands," she said through the bars. "Now Mss the
hem of my skirt, and the tip of my foot in its slipper." He did as she
requested. "That is good," she said. "Now you may go." His
shocked expression just made her laugh. She ridiculed him, then made a
confession: she was repulsed by him. Now that she had a villa in her name, she
was free of him at last. She called out, and a young man appeared from the
shadows of the courtyard. As Don Mateo watched, too stunned to move, they began
to make love on the floor, right before his eyes. The next morning Conchita
appeared at Don Mateo's house, supposedly to see if he had committed suicide.
To her surprise, he hadn't-in fact he slapped her so hard she fell to the
ground. "Conchita," he said, "you have made me suffer beyond all
human strength. You have invented moral tortures to try them on the only man
who loved you passionately. I now declare that I am going to possess you by
force." Conchita screamed she would never be his, but he hit her again and
again. Finally, moved by her tears, he stopped. Now she looked up at him
lovingly. Forget the past, she said, forget all that I have done. Now that he
hit her, now that she could see his pain, she felt certain he truly loved her.
She was still a mozita -the affair with the young man the night before had been
only for show, ending as soon as he had left-and she still belonged to him.
"You are not going to take me by force. I await you in my arms."
Finally she was sincere. To his supreme delight, he discovered that she was
indeed still a virgin. Interpretation. Don Mateo and Conchita Perez are
characters in the 1896 novella Woman and Puppet, by Pierre Louys. Based on a
true story-the "Miss Charpillon" episode in Casanova's Memoirs -the
novella has served as the basis for two films: Josef von Sternberg's Devil Is a
Woman, with Marlene Dietrich, and Luis Bunuel's That Obscure Object of Desire.
In Louys's story, Conchita takes a proud and aggressive older man and in the
space of a few months turns him into an abject slave. Her method is simple: she
stimulates as many emotions as possible, including heavy doses of pain. She excites
his lust, then makes him feel base for taking advantage of her. She gets him to
play the protector, then makes him feel guilty for trying to buy her. Her
sudden disappearance anguishes him-he has lost her-so that when she reappears
(never by accident) he feels intense joy; which, however, she Oderint, dum
metuant [Let them hate me so long as they fear me], as if only fear and hate
belong together, whereas fear and love have nothing to do with each other, as
if it were notfear that makes love interesting. With what kind of love do we
embrace nature? Is there not a secretive anxiety and horror in it, because its
beautiful harmony works its way out of lawlessness and wild confusion, its
security out of perfidy? But precisely anxiety captivates the most. So also
with love, if it is to he interesting. Behind it ought to brood the deep,
anxious night from which springs the flower of love. -S0REN KIERKEGAARD, THE
SEDUCER'S DIARY, TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. HONG AND EDNA H. HONG The lovely
marble creature coughed and rearranged the sable around her shoulders. •
"Thank you for the lesson in classics," I replied, "but I cannot
deny that in your peaceful and sunny world just as in our misty climate man and
woman are natural enemies. Love may unite them briefly to form one mind, one
heart, one will, but all too soon they are torn asunder. And you know better
than I: either one of them must the other to his will, or else he must let
himself be trampled underfoot. " • "Under the woman's foot, of
course," said Lady Venus impertinently. "And that you know better
than I." • "Of course, that is why I have no illusions." •
"In other words you are now my slavewithout illusions, and I shall 374
trample you mercilessly. " • "Madam!" • "You do not know me
yet. I admit that am cruel-since the word gives you so much -but am I not
entitled to be so? It is man desires, woman who is desired; this is woman's
advantage, but it is a decisive one. By making man so vulnerable to passion,
nature has placed him at woman's mercy, and who has not the sense to treat him
like a humble subject, a slave, a plaything, and finally to betray him with a
laugh - well, she is a woman of little wisdom." • "My dear, your
principles ..." I protested. • "Are founded on the experience of a thousand
years," she replied mischievously, running her white fingers through the
darkfur. "The more submissive woman is, the more readily man recovers his
self-possession and becomes domineering; but the more cruel and faithless she
is, the more she ill-treats him, the more wantonly she toys with him and the
harsher she is, the more she quickens his desire and secures his love and
admiration. It has always been so, from the time of Helen and Delilah all the
way to Catherine the Great and Lola Montez. " -LEOPOLD VON SACHER- MASOCH,
VENUS IN FURS. TRANSLATED BY JEAN MCNEIL In essence, the domain of eroticism is
the domain of violence, of violation. . . . The whole business of eroticism is
to strike to the inmost core of the living being, so that the heart stands
still. . . . The quickly turns back into tears. Jealousy and humiliation then
precede the final moment when she gives him her virginity. (Even after this,
according to the story, she finds ways to continue to torment him.) Each low
she inspires-guilt, despair, jealousy, emptiness-creates the space for a more
intense high. He becomes an addict, hooked on the alternation of charge and
withdrawal. Your seduction should never follow a simple course upward toward
pleasure and harmony. The climax will come too soon, and the pleasure will be
weak. What makes us intensely appreciate something is previous suffering. A
brush with death makes us fall in love with life; a longjourney makes a return
home that much more pleasurable. Your task is to create moments of sadness,
despair, and anguish, to create the tension that allows for a great release. Do
not worry about making people angry; anger is a sure sign that you have your
hooks in them. Nor should you be afraid that if you make yourself difficult
people will flee-we only abandon those who bore us. The ride on which you take
your victims can be tortuous but never dull. At all costs, keep your targets
emotional and on edge. Create enough highs and lows and you will wear away the
last vestiges of their willpower. Harshness andKindness I n 1972, Henry
Kissinger, then President Richard Nixon's assistant for national security
affairs, received a request for an interview from the famous Italian journalist
Oriana Fallaci. Kissinger rarely gave interviews; he had no control over the
final product, and he was a man who needed to be in control. But he had read
Fallaci's interview with a North Vietnamese general, and it had been
instructive. She was extremely well informed on the Vietnam War; perhaps he
could gather some information of his own, pick her brain. He decided to ask for
a preinterview, a preliminary meeting. He would grill her on different
subjects; if she passed the test, he would grant her an interview proper. They
met, and he was impressed; she was extremely intelligent-and tough. It would be
an enjoyable challenge to outwit her and prove that he was tougher. He agreed
to a short interview a few days later. To Kissinger's annoyance, Fallaci began
the interview by asking him whether he was disappointed by the slow pace of the
peace negotiations with North Vietnam. He would not discuss the negotiations-he
had made that clear in the preinterview. Yet she continued the same line of
questioning. He grew a little angry "That's enough," he said. "I
don't want to talk any more about Vietnam." Although she didn't
immediately abandon the subject, her questions became gentler: what were his
personal feelings toward the leaders of South and North Vietnam? Still, he
ducked: "I'm not the kind of person to be swayed by emotion. Emotions
serve no purpose." She moved to grander philosophical issues-war, peace.
She Mix Pleasure with Pain • 375 praised him for his role in the rapprochement
with China. Without realizing it, Kissinger began to open up. He talked of the
pain he felt in dealing with Vietnam, the pleasures of wielding power. Then
suddenly the harsher questions returned-was he simply Nixon's lackey, as many
suspected? Up and down she went, alternately baiting and flattering him. His
goal had been to pump her for information while revealing nothing about
himself; by the end, though, she had given him nothing, while he had revealed a
range of embarrassing opinions-his view of women as playthings, for instance,
and his belief that he was popular with the public because people saw him as a
kind of lonesome cowboy, the hero who cleans things up by himself. When the
interview was published, Nixon, Kissinger's boss, was livid about it. In 1973,
the Shah of Iran, Mohammed Riza Pahlavi, granted Fallaci an interview. He knew
how to handle the press-be noncommittal, speak in generalities, seem firm, yet
polite. This approach had worked a thousand times before. Fallaci beganthe
interview on a personal level, asking how it felt to be a king, to be the
target of assassination attempts, and why the shah always seemed so sad. He
talked of the burdens of his position, the pain and loneliness he felt. It
seemed a release of sorts to talk about his professional problems. As he
talked, Fallaci said little, her silence goading him on. Then she suddenly
changed the subject: he was having difficulties with his second wife. Surely
that must hurt him? This was a sore spot, and Pahlavi got angry. He tried to
change the subject, but she kept returning to it. Why waste time talking about
wives and women, he said. He then went so far as to criticize women in
general-their lack of creativity, their cruelty. Fallaci kept at him; he had
dictatorial tendencies and his country lacked basic freedoms. Fallaci's own
books were on his government's blacklist. Hearing this, the shah seemed somewhat
taken aback-perhaps he was dealing with a subversive writer. But then she
softened her tone again, asked him about his many achievements. The pattern
repeated: the moment he relaxed, she blindsided him with a sharp question; when
he grew bitter, she lightened the mood. Like Kissinger, he found himself
opening up despite himself and mentioning things he would later regret, such as
his intention to raise the price of oil. Slowly he fell under her spell, even
began to flirt with her. "Even if you're on the blacklist of my
authorities," he said at the end of the interview, "I'll put you on
the white list of my heart." Interpretation. Most of Fallaci's interviews
were with powerful leaders, men and women with an overwhelming need to control
the situation, to avoid revealing anything embarrassing. This put her and her
subjects in conflict, since getting them to open up-grow emotional, give up
control- was exactly what she wanted. The classic seductive approach of charm
and flattery would get her nowhere with these people; they would see right
through it. Instead, Fallaci preyed on their emotions, alternating harshness
and kindness. She would ask a cruel question that touched on the deepest whole
business of eroticism is to destroy the self-contained character of the
participators as they are in their normal lives. . . . We ought never toforget
that in spite of the bliss love promises its first effect is one of turmoil and
distress. Passion fulfdled itself provokes such violent agitation that the
happiness involved, before being a happiness to be enjoyed, is so great as to
be more like its opposite, suffering. . . . The likelihood of suffering is all
the greater since suffering alone reveals the total significance of the beloved
object. -GEORGES BATAILLE, EROTISM: DEATH ANDSENSUALITY.TRANSLATED BY MARY
DALWOOD Always a little doubt to set at rest - that's what keeps one craving in
passionate love. Because the keenest misgivings are always there, its pleasures
never become tedious. • Saint- Simon, the only historian France has ever
possessed, says: "After many passing fancies the Duchesse de Berry had
fallen deeply in love with Riom, a junior member of the d Aydie family, the son
of one of Madame de Biron's sisters. He had neither looks nor brains; he was fat,
short, chubby-cheeked, pale, and had such a crop of pimples that he seemed one
large abscess; he had beautiful teeth, but not the least idea that he was going
to inspire a passion which quickly got out of control, a passion which lasted a
lifetime, notwithstanding a number of subsidiary flirtations and affairs. . . .
• He would 376 excite but not requite the desire of the princess; he delighted
in making her jealous, or pretending to be jealous himself. He would often
drive her to tears. Gradually heforced her into the position of doing nothing
without his leave, even trifles of no importance. Sometimes, when she was ready
to go to the Opera, he insisted that she stay at home; and sometimes he made
her go there against her will. He obliged her to grant favours to ladies she
did not like or of whom she was jealous. She was not evenfree to dress as she
chose; he would amuse himself by making her change her coiffure or her dress at
the last minute; he did this so often and so publicly that she became
accustomed to take his orders in the evening for what she would do and wear the
following day; then the next day he would alter everything, and the princess
would cry all the more. In the end she took to sending him messages by trusted
footmen, for from the first he had taken up residence in Luxembourg; messages
which continued throughout her toilette, to know what ribbons she would wear,
what gown and other ornaments; almost invariably he made her wear something she
did not wish to. When she occasionally dared to do anything, however small,
without his leave, he treated her like a servant, and she was in tears for
several days. • . . . Before assembled company he would give her such brusque
replies that everyone lowered their eyes, and the Duchess would blush, though
her passion insecurities of the subject, who would get emotional and defensive;
deep down, though, something else would stir inside them-the desire to prove to
Fallaci that they did not deserve her implicit criticisms. Unconsciously they
wanted to please her, to make her like them. When she then shifted tone,
indirectly praising them, they felt they were winning her over and were
encouraged to open up. Without realizing it, they would give freer rein to
their emotions. hi social situations we all wear masks, and keep our defenses
up. It is embarrassing, after all, to reveal one's true feelings. As a seducer
you must find a way to lower these resistances. The Charmer's approach of
flattery and attention can be effective here, particularly with the insecure,
but it can take months of work, and can also backfire. To get a quicker result,
and to break down more inaccessible people, it is often better to alternate
harshness and kindness. By being harsh you create inner tensions-your targets
may be upset with you, but they are also asking themselves questions. What have
they done to earn your dislike? When you then are kind, they feel relieved, but
also concerned that at any moment they might somehow displease you again. Make
use of this pattern to keep them in suspense- dreading your harshness and keen
to keep you kind. Your kindness and harshness should be subtle; indirect digs
and compliments are best. Play the psychoanalyst: make cutting comments
concerning their unconscious motives (you are only being truthful), then sit
back and listen. Your silence will goad them into embarrassing admissions.
Leaven your judgments with occasional praise and they will strive to please
you, like dogs. Love is a costlyflower,but one must have the desire to pluck it
from the edge of a precipice. -STENDHAL Keys to Seduction A lmost everyone is
more or less polite. We learn early on not to tell people what we really think
of them; we smile at their jokes, act interested in their stories and problems.
It is the only way to live with them. Eventually this becomes a habit; we are
nice, even when it isn't really necessary. We try to please other people, to
not step on their toes, to avoid disagreements and conflict. Niceness in
seduction, however, though it may at first draw someone to you (it is soothing
and comforting), soon loses all effect. Being too nice can literally push the
target away from you. Erotic feeling depends on the creation of tension.
Without tension, without anxiety and suspense, there can be no feeling of
release, of true pleasure and joy It is your task to create that tension in the
target, to stimulate feelings of anxiety, to lead them to and fro, so that the
culmination of the seduction has real weight and intensity. So rid yourself of
your nasty habit of avoiding conflict, which is in any Mix Pleasure with Pain •
377 case unnatural. You are most often nice not out of your own inner goodness
but out of fear of displeasing, out of insecurity. Go beyond that fear and you
suddenly have options-the freedom to create pain, then magically dissolve it.
Your seductive powers will increase tenfold. People will be less upset by your
hurtful actions than you might imagine. In the world today, we often feel
starved for experience. We crave emotion, even if it is negative. The pain you cause
your targets, then, is bracing-it makes them feel more alive. They have
something to complain about, they get to play the victim. As a result, once you
have turned the pain into pleasure they will readily forgive you. Stir up their
jealousy, make them feel insecure, and the validation you later give their ego
by preferring them over their rivals is doubly delightful. Remember: you have
more to fear by boring your targets than by shaking them up. Wounding people
binds them to you more deeply than kindness. Create tension so you can release
it. If you need inspiration, find the part of the target that most irritates
you and use it as a springboard for some therapeutic conflict. The more real
your cruelty, the more effective it is. In 1818, the French writer Stendhal,
then living in Milan, met the Countess Metilda Viscontini. For him, it was love
at first sight. She was a proud, somewhat difficult woman, and she intimidated
Stendhal, who was terribly afraid of displeasing her with a stupid comment or
undignified act. Finally, unable to take it any longer, he one day took her
hand and confessed his love. Horrified, the countesstoldhim to leave and never
come back. for him was in no way curtailed." • For the princess, Riom was
a sovereign remedy against boredom. -STENDHAL, LOVE, TRANSLATED BY GILBERT AND
Stendhal flooded Viscontini with letters, begging her to forgive him. At last,
she relented: she would see him again, but under one condition-he could visit
only once every two weeks, for no more than an hour, and only in the presence
of company. Stendhal agreed; he had no choice. He now lived for those short
fortnightly visits, which became occasions of intense anxiety and fear, since
he was never quite sure whether she would change her mind and banish him forever.
This went on for over two years, during which the countess never showed him the
slightest sign of favor. Stendhal never found out why she had insisted on this
arrangement-perhaps she wanted to toy with him or keep him at a distance. All
he knew was that his love for her only grew stronger, became unbearably
intense, until finally he had to leave Milan. To get over this sad affair,
Stendhal wrote his famous book On Love, in which he described the effect of
fear on desire. First, if you fear the loved one, you can never get too close
or familiar with him or her. The beloved then retains an element of mystery,
which only intensifies your love. Second, there is something bracing about
fear. It makes you vibrate with sensation, heightens your awareness, is intensely
erotic. According to Stendhal, the closer the loved one brings you to the edge
of the precipice, to the feeling that they could abandon you, the dizzier and
more lost you will become. Falling in love means literally falling-losing
control, a mix of fear and excitement. Apply this wisdom in reverse: never let
your targets get too comfortable 378 The Art of Seduction with you. They need
to feel fear and anxiety. Show them some coldness, a flash of anger they did
not expect. Be irrational if necessary. There is always the trump card: a
breakup. Let them feel they have lost you forever, make them fear that they
have lost the power to charm you. Let these feelings sit with them for a while,
then pull them back from the precipice. The reconciliation will be intense. In
33 B.C., Mark Antony heard a rumor that Cleopatra, his lover of several years,
had decided to seduce his rival, Octavius, and that she was planning to poison
Antony. Cleopatra had poisoned people before; in fact she was an expert in the
art. Antony grew paranoid, and finally one day confronted her. Cleopatra did
not protest her innocence. Yes, that was true, it was quite within her power to
poison Antony at any moment; there were no precautions he could take. Only
theloveshe felt for him could protect him. To demonstrate, she took some
flowers and dropped them into his wine. Antony hesitated, then raised the cup
to his lips; Cleopatra grabbed his arm and stopped him. She had a prisoner
brought in to drink the wine, and the prisoner promptly dropped dead. Falling
at Cleopatra's feet, Antony professed that he loved her now more than ever. He
did not speak out of cowardice; there was no man braver than he, and if
Cleopatra could have poisoned him, he for his part could have left her and gone
back to Rome. No, what pushed him over the edge was the feeling that she had
control over his emotions, over life and death. He was her slave. Her
demonstration of her power over him was not only effective but erotic. Like
Antony, many of us have masochistic yearnings without realizing it. It takes
someone to inflict some pain on us for these deeply repressed desires to come
to the surface. You must learn to recognize the types of hidden masochists out
there, for each one enjoys a particular kind of pain. For instance, there are
people who feel that they deserve nothing good in life, and who, unable to deal
with success, sabotage themselves constantly. Be nice to them, admit that you
admire them, and they are uncomfortable, since they feel that they cannot possibly
match up to the ideal figure you have clearlyimagined them to be. Such
self-saboteurs do better with a little punishment; scold them, make them aware
of their inadequacies. They feel they deserve such criticism and when it comes
it is with a sense of relief. It is also easy to make them feel guilty, a
feeling that deep down they enjoy. Other people experience the responsibilities
and duties of modern life as such a heavy burden, they long to give it all up.
These people are often looking for someone or something to worship-a cause, a
religion, a guru. Make them worship you. And then there are those who want to
play the martyr. Recognize them by the joy they take in complaining, in feeling
righteous and wronged; then give them a reason to complain. Remember;
appearances deceive. Often the strongest-looking people-the Kissingers and Don
Mateos-may secretly want to be punished. In any event, follow up pain with
pleasure and you will create a state of dependency that will last for a long
time. Mix Pleasure with Pain Symbol: The Precipice. At the edge of a cliff,
people often feel lightheaded, both fearful and dizzy. For a moment they can
imagine themselves falling headlong. At the same time, a part of them is
tempted. Lead your targets as close to the edge as possible, then pull them
back. No thrill without fear. Reversal P eople who have recently experienced a
lot of pain or a loss will flee if you try to inflict more on them. They have
enough in their lives already. Far better to surround these types with pleasure-that
will put them under your spell. The technique of inflicting pain works best on
those who have it easy, who have power and few problems. People with
comfortable lives may also feel a gnawing sense of guilt, as if they had gotten
away with something. They may not consciously know it, but secretly they long
for some punishment, a good mental thrashing, something that will bring them
back down to earth. Also, remember to not use the pleasure-through-pain tactic
too early on. Some of the greatest seducers in history-Byron, Jiang Qing
(Madame Mao), Picasso-had a sadistic streak, an ability to inflict mental
torture. If their victims had known in advance what they were getting
themselves into, they would have run for the hills. In truth, most of these seducers
lured their targets into their webs by appearing to be paragons of sweetness
and affection. Even Byron seemed like an angel when he first met a woman, so
that she tended to doubt his devilish reputation-a seductive doubt, for it
allowed her to think of herself as the only one who really understood him. His
cruelty would come out later on, but by then it would be too late. The victim's
emotions were engaged,andhisharshnesswouldonlyintensify her feelings. In the
beginning, then, wear the mask of a lamb, making pleasure and attentiveness
your bait. First get under their skin, then lead them on a wild ride. 379 Phase
Four Moving Infor the Kill confused and stirred them up-the emotional
seduction. Now the time has comefor hand-to-hand combat-the physical seduction.
At this point, your victims are weak and ripe with desire: by show-, ing a
little coldness or uninterest, you will spark panic-they will come after you
with impatience and erotic energy (21: Give them to fall-the pursuer is
pursued). To bring them to a boil, you need to put their minds to sleep and
heat up their senses. It is best to lure them into lust by sending certain
loaded signals that will get under their skin and spread sexual desire like a
poison (22: Use physical lures). The moment to strike and move infor the kill
is when your victim is brimming with desire, but not consciously expecting the
climax to come (23: Master the art of the bold move). Once the seduction is
over, there is the danger that disenchantment will set in and ruin all your
hard work (24: Beware the aftereffects). If you are after a relationship, then
you must constantly re-seduce the victim, creating tension and releasing it. If
your victim is to be sacrificed, then it must be done swiftly and cleanly,
leaving you free (physicallyandpsychologically)tomoveontothenext victim. Then
the game begins all over. 21 Give Them Space to Fall- The Pursuer Is Pursued If
your targets become too used to you as the aggressor, they will give less of
their own energy, and the tension will slacken. You need to wake them up, turn
the tables. Once they are under your spell, take a step back and they will
start to come after you. Begin with a touch of aloofness, an unexpected
nonappearance, a hint that you are growing bored. Stir the pot by seeming
interested in someone else. Make none of this explicit; let them only sense it
and their imagination will do the rest, creating the doubt you desire. Soon
they will want to possess you physically, and restraint will go out the window.
The goal is to have them fall into your arms of their own will. Create the
illusion that the seducer is being seduced. Seductive Gravity I n the early
1840s, the center of attention in the French art world was a young woman named
Apollonie Sabatier. She was so much the natural beauty that sculptors and
painters vied to immortalize her in their works, and she was also charming,
easy to talk to, and seductively self-sufficient- men were drawn to her. Her
Paris apartment became a gathering spot for writers and artists, and soon
Madame Sabatier-as she came to be known, although she was not married-was
hosting one of the most important literary salons in France. Writers such as
Gustave Flaubert, the elder Alexandre Dumas, and Theophile Gautier were among
her regular guests. Near the end of 1852, when she was thirty, Madame Sabatier
received an anonymous letter. The writer confessed that he loved her deeply.
Worried that she would find his sentiments ridiculous, he would not reveal his
name; yet he had to let her know that he adored her. Sabatier was used to such
attentions-one man after another had fallen in love with her-but this letter
was different: in this man she seemed to have inspired a quasireligious ardor.
The letter, written in a disguised handwriting, contained a poem dedicated to
her; titled "To One Who Is Too Gay," it began by praising her beauty,
yet ended with the lines And so, one night. I'd like to sneak. When darkness
tolls the hour of pleasure,A craven thief, toward the treasure Which is your
person, plump and sleek. . . . And, most vertiginous delight! Into those lips,
so freshly striking And daily lovelier to my liking- Infuse the venom of my
spite. Mixed in with her admirer's adoration, clearly, was a strange kind of
lust, with a touch of cruelty to it. The poem both intrigued and disturbed
her-and she had no idea who had written it. A few weeks later another letter
arrived. As before, the writer enveloped Sabatier in cultlike worship, mixing
the physical and the spiritual. And as before, there was a poem, "All in
One," in which he wrote. Omissions, denials, deflections, deceptions,
diversions, and humility - all aimed at provoking this second state, the secret
of true seduction. Vulgar seduction might proceed by persistence, but true
seduction proceeds by absence. . . . It is like fencing: one needs a field for
the feint. Throughout this period, the seducer [Johannes], far from seeking to
close in on her, seeks to maintain his distance by various ploys: he does not
speak directly to her but only to her aunt, and then about trivial or stupid
subjects; he neutralizes everything by irony and feigned pedanticism; hefails
to respond to any feminine or erotic movement, and even finds her a sitcom
suitor to disenchant and deceive her, to the point where she herself takes the
initiative and breaks off her engagement, thus completing the seduction and
creating the ideal situation for her total abandon. -JEAN BAUDRILLARD,
SEDUCTION, TRANSLATED BY BRIAN SINGER 385 386 The rumor spread everywhere. It
was even told to the queen [ Guinevere ], who was seated at dinner. She nearly
killed herself when she heard the perfidious rumor of Lancelot's death. She
thought it was true and was so greatly perturbed that she was
scarcelyabletospeak.. . . She arose at once from the table, and was able to
give vent to her grief without being noticed or overheard. She was so crazed
with the thought of killing herself that she repeatedly grabbed at her throat.
Yet first she confessed in conscience, repented and asked God's pardon; she
accused herself of having sinned against the one she knew had always been hers,
and who would still be, were he alive. . . . She counted all of the
unkindnesses and recalled each individual unkindness; she noted every one, and
repeated often: "Oh misery! What was I thinking, when my lover came before
me and I did not deign to welcome him, nor even care to listen! Was I not a
fool to refuse to speak or even look at him? A fool? No, so help me God, I was
cruel and deceitful! ... 7 believe that it was I alone who struck him that
mortal blow. When he came happily before me expecting me to receive him
joyfully and I shunned him and would never even look at him, was this not a
mortal blow? At that moment, when I refused to speak, I believe I severed both
his heart and his life. Those two blows killed him, I think, and not any hired
killers. • "Ah God! Will I be forgiven this murder, this sin? Never! All
the rivers No single beauty is the best. Since she is all one flower divine_ O
mystic metamorphosis! My senses into one sense flow- Her voice makesperfume
when she speaks. Her breath is music faint and low! Clearly the author was
haunted by Sabatier's presence, and thought of her constantly-but now she began
to be haunted by him, thinking of him night and day, and wondering who he was.
His subsequent letters only deepened the spell. It was flattering to hear that
he was enchanted by more than her beauty, yet also flattering to know that he
was not immune to her physical charms. One day an idea occurred to Madame
Sabatier as to who the writer might be: a young poet who had frequented her
salon for several years, Charles Baudelaire. He seemed shy, in fact had hardly
spoken to her, but she had read some of his poetry, and although the poems in
the letters were more polished, the style was similar. At her apartment
Baudelaire would always sit politely in a corner, but now that she thought of
it, he would smile at her strangely, nervously. It was the look of a young man
in love. Now when he visited she watched him carefully, and the more she
watched, the surer she was that he was the writer, but she never confirmed her
intuition, because she did not want to confront him-he might be shy, but he was
a man, and at some point he would have to come to her. And she felt certain
that he would. Then, suddenly the letters stopped coming-and Madame Sabatier
could not understandwhy, since the last one had been even more adoring than all
of the others before. Several years went by, in which she often thought of her
anonymous admirer's letters, but they were never renewed. In 1857, however,
Baudelaire published a book of poetry. The Flowers of Evil, and Madame Sabatier
recognized several of the verses-they were the ones he had written for her. Now
they were out in the open for everyone to see. A little while later the poet
sent her a gift: a specially bound copy of the book, and a letter, this time
signed with his name. Yes, he wrote, he was the anonymous writer-would she
forgive him for being so mysterious in the past? Furthermore, his feelings for
her were as strong as ever: "You didn't think for a moment that I could
have forgotten you? . . . You to me are more than a cherished image conjured up
in dream, you're my superstition . . . my constant companion, my secret!
Farewell, dear Madame. I kiss your hands with profound devotion." This
letter had a stronger effect on Madame Sabatier than the others had. Perhaps it
was his childlike sincerity, and the fact that he had finally written to her
directly; perhaps it was that he loved her but asked nothing of her, unlike all
the other men she knew who at some point had always turned out to want
something. Whatever it was, she had an uncontrollable desire to see him. The
next day she invited him to her apartment, alone. Give Them Space to Fall-The
Pursuer Is Pursued • 387 Baudelaire appeared at the appointed hour. He sat
nervously in his seat, gazing at her with his large eyes, saying little, and
what he did say was formal and polite. He seemed aloof. After he left a kind of
panic seized Madame Sabatier, and the next day she wrote him a first letter of
her own: "Today I'm more calm, and I can feel more clearly the impression
of our Tuesday evening together. I can tell you, without the danger of your
thinking I'm exaggerating, that I'm the happiest woman on the face of the
earth, that I've never felt more truly that I love you, and that I've never
seen you look more beautiful, more adorable, my divine friend!" Madame
Sabatier had never before written such a letter; she had always been the one
who was pursued. Now she had lost her usual self-possession. And it only got
worse: Baudelaire did not answer right away. When she saw him next, he was
colder than before. She had the feeling there was someone else, that his old
mistress, Jeanne Duval, had suddenly reappeared in his life and was pulling him
away from her. One night she turned aggressive, embracing him, trying to kiss
him, but he did not respond, and quickly found an excuse to leave. Why was he
suddenly inaccessible?She began to flood him with letters, begging him to come
to her. Unable to sleep, she would wait all night for him to show up. She had
never experienced such desperation. Somehow she had to seduce him, possess him,
have him all to herself. She tried everything-letters, coquetry, all kinds of
promises- until he finally wrote that he was no longer in love with her and
that was that. and the seas will dry up first! Oh, misery! How it would have
brought me comfort and healing if I had held him in my arms once before he
died. How? Yes, quite naked next to him, in order to enjoy him fully. . When
they came within six or seven leagues of the castle where King Bademagu was
staying, news that was pleasing came to him about Lancelot-news that he was
glad to hear; Lancelot was alive and was returning, hale and hearty. He behaved
most properly in going to inform the queen. "Good sir," she told him,
"I believe it, since you have told me. But were he dead, I assure you that
I could never again be happy." • . . . Now Lancelot had his every wish: the
queen willingly sought his company and affection as he held her in his arms and
Interpretation. Baudelaire was an intellectual seducer. He wanted to overwhelm
Madame Sabatier with words, dominate her thoughts, make her fall in love with
him. Physically, he knew, he could not compete with hermany other admirers-he
was shy, awkward, not particularly handsome. So he resorted to his one
strength, poetry. Haunting her with anonymous letters gave him a perverse
thrill. He had to know she would realize, eventually, that he was her correspondent-no
one else wrote like him-but he wanted her to figure this out on her own. He
stopped writing to her because he had become interested in someone else, but he
knew she would be thinking of him, wondering, perhaps waiting for him. And when
he published his book, he decided to write to her again, this time directly,
stirring up the old venom he had injected in her. When they were alone, he
could see she was waiting for him to do something, to take hold of her, but he
was not that kind of seducer. Besides, it gave him pleasure to hold himself
back, to sense his power over a woman whom so many desired. By the time she
turned physical and aggressive, the seduction was over for him. He had made her
fall in love; that was enough. The devastating effect of Baudelaire's
push-and-pull on Madame Sabatier teaches us a great lesson in seduction. First,
it is always best to keep at some distance from your targets. You do not have
to go as far as remaining anonymous, but you do not want to be seen too often,
or to be seen as she held him in hers. Her love-play seemed so gentle and good
to him, both her kisses and caresses, that in truth the two of them felt a joy
and wonder of which has never been heard or known. But I shall let it remain a
secret for ever, since it should not be written of: the most delightful and
choicest pleasure is that which is hinted at, but never told. -CHRETIEN
DETROYES, ARTHURIAN ROMANCES. TRANSLATEDB YWILLIAMW. KIBLER He was sometimes so
intellectual that I felt myself annihilated as a woman; at other times he was
so wild and passionate, so desiring, that I almost trembled 388 before him. At
times I was like a stranger to him; at times he surrendered completely. Then
when I threw my arms around him, everything changed, and I embraced a cloud.
-CORDELIA DESCRIBING JOHANNES, IN S0REN KIERKEGAARD, THE SEDUCER'S DIARY,
TRANSLATED BY HOWARD V. HONG AND EDNA V. HONG It is true that we could not love
if there were not some memory in us-to the greatest extent an unconscious
memory-that we were once loved. But neither could we love if this feeling of
being loved had not at some time suffered doubt; if we had always been sure of
it. In other words, love would not be possible without having been loved and
then having missed the certainty of being loved. . . . • The need to be loved
is not elementary. This need is certainly acquiredby experience in later
childhood. It would be better to say: by many experiences or by a repetition of
similar ones. I believe that these experiences are of a negative kind. The
child becomes aware that he is not loved or that his mother's love is not
unconditional. The baby learns that his mother can be dissatisfied with him,
that she can withdraw her affection if he does not behave as she wishes, that
she can be angry or cross. I believe that this experience arousesfeelings of
anxiety in the infant. The possibility of losing his mother'slove certainly
strikes the child with a force which can no more be intrusive. If you are
always in their face, always the aggressor, they will become used to being
passive, and the tension in your seduction will flag. Use letters to make them
think about you all the time, to feed their imagination. Cultivate mystery-stop
them from figuring you out. Baudelaire's letters were delightfully ambiguous,
mixing the physical and the spiritual, teasing Sabatier with
theirmultiplicityofpossible interpretations. Then, at the point when they are
ripe with desire and interest, when perhaps they are expecting you to make a
move-as Madame Sabatier expected that day in her apartment-take a step back.
You are unexpectedly distant, friendly but no more than that-certainly not
sexual. Let this sink in for a day or two. Your withdrawal will trigger
anxiety; the only way to relieve this anxiety is to pursue and possess you.
Step back now and you make your targets fall into your arms like ripe fruit,
blind to the force of gravity that is drawing them to you. The more they
participate, the more their willpower is engaged, the deeper the erotic effect.
You have challenged them to use their own seductive powers on you, and when
they respond, the tables will turn and they will pursue you with desperate
energy. / retreat and thereby teach her to be victorious as she pursues me. 1
continually fall back, and in this backward movement 1 teach her to know
through me all the powers of erotic love, its turbulent thoughts, its passion,
what longing is, and hope, and impatient expectancy. -S0REN KIERKEGAARD Keys to
Seduction S ince humans are naturally obstinate and willful creatures, and
prone to suspicions of people's motives, it is only natural, in the course of
any seduction, that in some ways your target will resist you. Seductions,then,
are rarely easy or without setbacks. But once your victims overcome some of
their doubts, and begin to fall under your spell, they will reach a point where
they start to let go. They may sense that you are leading them along, but they
are enjoying it. No one likes things to be complicated and difficult, and your
target will expect the conclusion to come quickly. That is the point, however,
where you must train yourself to hold back. Deliver the pleasurable climax they
are so greedily awaiting, succumb to the natural tendency to bring the
seduction to a rapid end, and you will have missed an opportunity to ratchet up
the tension, to make the affair more heated. After all, you don't want a
passive little victim to toy with; you want the seduced to engage their will in
all its force, to become active participants in the seduction. You want them to
pursue you, hopelessly ensnaring themselves in your web in the process. The
only way to accomplish this is to take a step back and make them anxious. You
have strategically retreated before (see chapter 12), but this is dif- Give
Them Space to Fall-The Pursuer Is Pursued • 389 ferent. The target is falling
for you now, and your retreat will lead to panicky thoughts: you are losing
interest, it is somehow my fault, perhaps it is something I have done. Rather
than think you are rejecting them on your own, your targets will want to make
this interpretation, since if the cause of the problem is something they have
done, they have the power to win you back by changing their behavior. If you
are simply rejecting them, on the other hand, they have no control. People always
want to preserve hope. Now they will come to you, turn aggressive, thinking
that will do the trick. They will raise the erotic temperature. Understand: a
person's willpower is directly linked to their libido, their erotic desire.
When your victims are passively waiting for you, their erotic level is low.
When they turn pursuer, getting involved in the process, brimming with tension
and anxiety, the temperature is raised. So raise it as high as you can. When
you withdraw, make it subtle; you are instilling unease. Your coldness or
distance should dawn on your targets when they are alone, in the form of a
poisonous doubt creeping into their mind. Their paranoia will become
self-generating. Your subtle step back will make them want to possess you, so
they will willingly advance into your arms without being pushed. This is
different from the strategy in chapter 20, in which you are inflicting deep
wounds, creating a pattern of pain and pleasure. There the goal is to make your
victims weak and dependent, here it is to make them active and aggressive.
Which strategy you prefer to use (the two cannot be combined) depends on what
you want and the proclivities of your victim. In Spren Kierkegaard's The
Seducer's Diary, lohannes aims to seduce the young and beautiful Cordelia. He
begins by being rather intellectual with her, and slowly intriguing her. Then
he sends her letters that are romantic and seductive. Now her fascination
blossoms into love. Although in person he remains a little distant, she senses
in him great depths and is certain that he loves her. Then one day, while
they're talking, Cordelia has a strange sensation: something about him is
different. He seems more interested in ideas than in her. Over the next few
days, this doubt gets stronger-the letters are a little less romantic,
something is missing. Feeling anxious, she slowly turns aggressive, becomes the
pursuer instead of the pursued. The seduction is now much more exciting, at
least for Johannes. Johannes's step back is subtle; he merely gives Cordelia
the impression that his interest is a little less romantic than the day before.
He returns to being the intellectual. This stirs the worrisome thought that her
natural charms and beauty no longer have as much effect on him. She must try
harder, provoke him sexually, prove to herself that she has some power over
him. She is now brimming with erotic desire, brought to that point by
Johannes's subtle withdrawal of affection. Each gender has its own seductive
lures, which come naturally to them. When you seem interested in someone but do
not respond sexually, it is disturbing, and presents a challenge: they will
find a way to seduce you. To produce this effect, first reveal an interest in
your targets, through letters or subtle insinuation. But when you are in their
presence, assume a kind of coped with than an earthquake. . . . • The child who
experiences his mother's dissatisfaction and apparent withdrawal of affection
reacts to this menace at first with fear. He tries to regain what seems lost by
expressing hostility and aggressiveness. . . . The change of its character
comes about only after failure; when the child realizes that the effort is a
failure. And now something very strange takes place, something which isforeign
to our conscious thinking but which is very near to the infantile way. Instead
of grasping the object directly and taking possession of it in an aggressive
way, the child identifies with the object as it was before. The child does the
same that the mother did to him in that happy time which has passed. The
process is very illuminating because it shapes the pattern of love in general.
The little boy thus demonstrates in his own behavior what hewants his mother to
do to him, how she should behave to him. He announces this wish by displaying
his tenderness and affection toward his mother who gave these before to him. It
is an attempt to overcome the despair and sense of loss in taking over the role
of the mother. The boy tries to demonstrate what he wishes by doing it himself:
look, I would like you to act thus toward me, to be thus tender and loving to
me. Of course this attitude is not the result of consideration or reasoned
planning but an emotional process by identification, a natural exchange of
roles with the unconscious aim 390 of seducing the mother into fulfdling his
wish. He demonstrates by his own actions how he wants to be loved. It is a
primitive presentation through reversal, an example of how to do the thing
which he wishes done by her. In this presentation lives the memory of the
attentions, tendernesses, and endearments once received from the mother or
loving persons. -THEODOR REIK, OF LOVE AND LUST sexless neutrality. Be
friendly, even warm, but no more. You are pushing them into arming themselves
with the seductive charms that are natural to their sex-exactly what you want.
In the latter stages of the seduction, let your targets feel that you are
becoming interested in another person-this is another form of taking a step
back. When Napoleon Bonaparte first met the young widow Josephine de
Beauhamaisin1795, he was excited by her exotic beauty and the looks she gave
him. He began to attend her weekly soirees and, to his delight, she would
ignore the other men and remain at his side, listening to him so attentively.
He found himself falling in love with Josephine, and had every reason to
believe she felt the same. Then, at one soiree, she was friendly and attentive,
as usual-except that she was equally friendly to another man there, a former
aristocrat, like Josephine, the kind of man that Napoleon could never compete
with when it came to manners and wit. Doubts and jealousies began to stir
within. As a military man, he knew the value of going on the offensive, and
after a few weeks of a swift and aggressive campaign he had her all to himself,
eventually marrying her. Of course Josephine, a clever seductress, had set it
all up. She did not say she was interested in another man, but his mere
presence at her house, a look here and there, subtle gestures, made it seem
that way. There is no more powerful way to hint that you are losing your
desire. Make your interest in another too obvious, though, and it could
backfire. This is not the situation in which you want to seem cruel; doubt and
anxiety are the effects you are after. Make your possible interest in another
barely perceptible to the naked eye. Once someone has fallen for you, any
physicalabsence will create unease. You are literally creating space. The
Russian seductress Lou Andreas- Salome had an intense presence; when a man was
with her, he felt her eyes boring into him, and often became entranced with her
coquettish ways and spirit. But then, almost invariably, something would come
up-she would have to leave town for a while, or would be too busy to see him.
It was during her absences that men fell hopelessly in love with her, and vowed
to be more aggressive next time they were with her. Your absences at this
latter point of the seduction should seem at least somewhat justified. You are
insinuating not a blatant brush-off but a slight doubt: perhaps you could have
found some reason to stay, perhaps you are losing interest, perhaps there is
someone else. In your absence, their appreciation of you will grow. They will
forget your faults, forgive your sins. The moment you return, they will chase
after you as you desire. It will be as if you had come back from the dead.
According to the psychologist Theodor Reik, we learn to love only through
rejection. As infants, we are showered with love by our mother- we know nothing
else. But when we get a little older, we begin to sense that her love is not
unconditional. If we do not behave, if we do not please her, she can withdraw
it. The idea that she will withdraw her affection fills us with anxiety, and,
at first, with anger-we will show her, we will throw Give Them Space to
Fall-The Pursuer Is Pursued • 391 a tantrum. But that never works, and we
slowly realize that the only way to keep her from rejecting us again is to
imitate her-to be as loving, kind, and affectionate as she is. This will bond
her to us in the deepest way. The pattern is ingrained in us for the rest of
our lives: by experiencing a rejection or a coldness, we learn to court and
pursue, to love. Re-create this primal pattern in your seduction. First, shower
your targets with affection. They will not be sure where this is coming from,
but it is a delightful feeling, and they will never want to lose it. When it
does go away, in your strategic step back, they will have moments of anxiety
and anger, perhaps throwing a tantrum, and then the same childlike reaction:
the only way to win you back, to have you for sure, will be to reverse the
pattern, to imitate you, to be the affectionate, giving one. It is the terror
of rejection that turns the tables. This pattern will often repeat itself
naturally in an affair or relationship. One person goes cold, the other
pursues, then goes cold in turn, making the first person the pursuer, and on
and on. As a seducer, do not leave this to chance. Make it happen. You are
teaching the other person to become a seducer, just as the motherinherown way
taught the child to return her love by turning her back. For your own sake
learn to relish this reversal of roles. Do not merely play at being the
pursued, but enjoy it, give in to it. The pleasure of being pursued by your
victim can often surpass the thrill of the hunt. Symbol: The Pomegranate.
Carefully cultivated and tended, the pomegranate begins to ripen. Do not gather
it too early or force it off the stem-it will be hard and bitter. Let the fruit
grow heavy and full of juice, then stand back - it will fall on its own. That
is when its pulp is most delicious. 392 • The Art of Seduction Reversal T here
are moments when creating space and absence will blow up in your face. An
absence at a critical moment in the seduction can make the target lose interest
in you. It also leaves too much to chance-while you are away, they could find
another person, who will distract their thoughts from you. Cleopatra easily
seduced Mark Antony, but after their first encounters, he returned to Rome.
Cleopatra was mysterious and alluring, but if she let too much time pass, he
would forget her charms. So she let go of her usual coquetry and came after him
when he was on one of his military campaigns. She knew that once he saw her, he
would fall under her spell again and pursue her. Use absence only when you are
sure of the target's affection, and never let it go on too long. It is most
effective later in the seduction. Also, never create too much space-don't write
too rarely, don't act too cold, don't show too much interest in someone else.
That is the strategy of mixing pleasure with pain, detailed in chapter 20, and
will create a dependent victim, or will even make him or her give up
completely. Some people, too, are inveterately passive: they are waiting for
you to make the bold move, and if you don't, they will think you are weak. The
pleasure to be had from such a victim is less than the pleasure you will get
from someone more active. But if you are involved with such a type, do what you
need to if you are to have your way, then end the affair and move on. 22 Use
Physical Lures Targets with active minds are dangerous: if they see through
your manipulations, they may suddenly develop doubts. Put their minds gently to
rest, and waken their dormant senses, by combining a nondefensive attitude with
a charged sexual presence. While your cool, nonchalant air is calming their
minds and lowering their inhibitions, your glances, voice, and bearing-oozing
sex and desire-are getting under their skin, agitating their senses and raising
their temperature. Never force the physical; instead infect your targets with
heat, lure them into lust. Lead them into the moment-an intensified present in
which morality, judgment, and concern for the future all melt away and the body
succumbs to pleasure. Raising the Temperature I n 1889, the top New York
theatrical manager Ernest Jurgens visited France on one of his many scouting
trips. Jurgens was known for his honesty, a rare commodity in the shady entertainment
world, and for his ability to find unusual acts. He had to spend the night in
Marseilles, and while wandering along the quay of the old harbor, he heard
excited catcalls issuing from a working-class cabaret, and decided to go in. A
twenty-one- year-old Spanish dancer named Caroline Otero was performing, and
the minute Jurgens laid eyes on her he was a changed man. Her appearance was
startling-five foot ten, fiery dark eyes, black waist-length hair, her body
corseted into a perfect hourglass figure. But it was the way she danced that
made his heart pound-her whole body alive, writhing like an animal in heat, as
she performed a fandango. Her dancing was hardly professional, but she enjoyed
herself so much and was so unrestrained that none of that mattered. Jurgens
also could not help but notice the men in the cabaret watching her, their
mouths agape. After the show, Jurgens went backstage to introduce himself.
Otero's eyes came alive as he spoke of his job and of New York. He felt a heat,
a twitching, in his body as she looked him up and down. Her voice was deep and
raspy, the tongue constantly in play as she rolled her Rs. Closing the door,
Otero ignored the knocks and pleas of the admirers dying to speak to her. She
said that her way of dancing was natural-her mother was a gypsy. Soon she asked
Jurgens to be her escort that evening, and as he helped her with her coat, she
leaned back toward him slightly, as if she had lost her balance. As they walked
around the city, her arm in his, she would occasionally whisper in his ear.
Jurgens felt his usual reserve melt away. He held her tighter. He was a family
man, had never considered cheating on his wife, but without thinking, he
brought Otero back to his hotel room. She began to take off some of her clothes-coat,
gloves, hat-a perfectly normal thing to do, but the way she did it made him
lose all restraint. The normally timid Jurgens went on the attack. The next
morning Jurgens signed Otero to a lucrative contract-a great risk, considering
that she was an amateur at best. He brought her to Paris and assigned a top
theatrical coach to her. Hurrying back to New York, he fed the newspapers with
reports of this mysterious Spanish beauty poised to conquer the city. Soon
rival papers were claiming she was an Andalusian countess, an escaped harem
girl, the widow of a sheik, on and on. He The year was 1907 and La Belle
\Otero], by then, had been an international figure for over a dozen years. The
story was told by M. Maurice Chevalier. • "I was a young star about to make
my first appearance at the Folies. Otero had been the headliner there for
several weeks and although I knew who she was I had never seen her before on
stage or off • "I was scurrying along, head bent, thinking of something or
other, when I looked up. There was La Belle, in the company of another woman,
walking in my direction. Otero was then nearly forty and I was not yet out of
my teens but - ah!-she was so beautiful! • "She was tall, darkhaired, with
a magnificent body, like the bodies of the women of those days, not like the
lightweight ones of today." • Chevalier smiled. • "Of course I like
modern women, too, but there was something of a fatal charm about Otero. We
three stood there for a moment or two, not saying a word, I staring at La Belle,
not so young as she once was and maybe not so beautiful, but 395 396 still
quite a woman. • "She looked right at me, then turned to the lady she was
with-some friend, I guess-and spoke to her in English, which she thought I
didn't understand. However, I did. • " 'Who's the very handsome young
man?' Otero asked. • "The other one answered, 'He's Chevalier.' • "
'He has such beautiful eyes' ha Belle said, looking straight at me, right up
and down. • "Then she almost floored me with herfrankness. • " 7
wonder if he'd like to go to bed with me. I think I'll ask him!' Only she
didn't say it so delicately. She was much cruder and more to the point. •
"It was at this moment I had to make up my mind rather quickly. La Belle
moved toward me. Instead of introducing myself and succumbing to the
consequences, I pretended I didn't understand what she'd said, uttered some
pleasantry in French and moved away to my dressing room. • "I could see La
Belle smile in an odd fashion as I passed her;like a sleek tigress watching its
dinner go away. For a fleeting second I thought she might turn around and
follow me. " • What would Chevalier have done had she pursued him? His
lower lip dropped into that halfpout which is the Frenchman's exclusive
possession. Then he grinned. • "I'd have slowed down and let her catch
up." -ARTHUR H. LEWIS, LA BELLE OTERO made frequent trips to Paris to be
with her, forgetting about his family, lavishing money and gifts on her.
Otero's New York debut, in October of 1890, was an astounding success. "Otero
dances with abandon," read an article in The New York Times. "Her
lithe and supple body looks like that of a serpent writhing in quick, graceful
curves." In a few short weeks she became the toast of New York society,
performing at private parties late into the night. The tycoon William
Vanderbilt courted her with expensive jewels and evenings on his yacht. Other
millionaires vied for her attention. Meanwhile Jurgens was dipping into the
company till to pay for presents for her-he would do anything to keep her, a
task in which he was facing heavy competition. A few months later, after his
embezzling became public, he was a ruined man. He eventually committed suicide.
Otero went back to France, to Paris, and over the next few years rose to become
the most infamous courtesan of the Belle Epoque. Word spread quickly: a night
with La Belle Otero (as she was now known) was more effective than all the
aphrodisiacs in the world. She had a temper, and was demanding, but that was to
be expected. Prince Albert of Monaco, a man who had been plagued by doubts of
his virility, felt like an insatiable tiger after a night with Otero. She
became his mistress. Other royalty followed- Prince Albert of Wales (later King
Edward VII), the Shah of Persia, Grand Duke Nicholas of Russia. Less wealthy
men emptied their bank accounts, and Jurgens was only the first of many whom
Otero drove to suicide. During World War I, a twenty-nine-year-old American
soldier named Frederick, stationed in France, won $37,000 in a four-day crap
game. On his next leave he went to Nice and checked himself into the finest
hotel. On his first night in the hotel restaurant, he recognized Otero sitting
alone at a table. He had seen her perform in Paris ten years before, and had
become obsessed with her. She was now close to fifty, but was more alluring
than ever. He greased some palms and was able to sit at her table. He could
hardly talk: the way her eyes bored into him, a simple readjustment in her
chair, her body brushing up against him as she got up, the way she managed to
walk in front of him and display herself. Later, strolling along a boulevard,
they passed a jewelry store. He went inside, and moments later found himself
plopping down $31,000 for a diamond necklace. For three nights La Belle Otero
was his. Never in his life had he felt so masculine and impetuous. Years later,
he still believed it was well worth the price he had paid. Interpretation.
Although La Belle Otero was beautiful, hundreds of women were more so, or were
more charming and talented. But Otero was constantly on fire. Men could read it
in her eyes, the way her body moved, a dozen other signs. The heat that
radiated out from her came from her own inner desires: she was insatiably
sexual. But she was also a practiced and calculating courtesan, and knew how to
put her sexuality to effect. UsePhysicalLures • 397 Onstage she made every man
in the audience come alive, abandoning herself in dance. In person she was
cooler, or slightly so. A man likes to feel that a woman is enflamed not
because she has an insatiable appetite but because of him; so Otero
personalized her sexuality, using glances, a brushing of skin, a more
languorous tone of voice, a saucy comment, to suggest that the man was heating
her up. In her memoirs she revealed that Prince Albert was a most inept lover.
Yet he believed, along with many other men, that with her he was Hercules
himself. Her sexuality actually originated from her, but she created the
illusion that the man was the aggressor. The key to luring the target into the
final act of your seduction is not to make it obvious, not to announce that you
are ready (to pounce or be pounced upon). Everything should be geared, not to
the conscious mind, but to the senses. You want your target to read cues not
from your words or actions but from your body. You must make your body glow
with desire- for the target. Your desire should be read in your eyes, in a
trembling in your voice, in your reaction when your bodies draw near. You
cannot train your body to act this way, but by choosing a victim (see chapter
1) who has this effect on you, it will all flow naturally. Duringthe seduction,
you will have had to hold yourself back, to intrigue and frustrate the victim.
You will have frustrated yourself in the process, and will already be champing
at the bit. Once you sense that the target has fallen for you and cannot turn
back, let those frustrated desires course through your blood and warm you up.
You do not need to touch your targets, or become physical. As La Belle Otero
understood, sexual desire is contagious. They will catch your heat and glow in
return. Let them make the first move. It will cover your tracks. The second and
third moves are yours. Spell SEX with capital letters when you talk about
Otero. She exuded it. -MAURICE CHEVALIER Lowering Inhibitions O ne day in 1931,
in a village in New Guinea, a young girl named Tu- perselai heard some happy
news: her father, Allaman, who had left some months before to work on a tobacco
plantation, had returned for a visit. Tuperselai ran to greet him. Accompanying
her father was a white man, ait unusual sight in these parts. He was a
twenty-two-year-old Australian from Tasmania, and he was the owner of the
plantation. His name was Errol Flynn. Flynn smiled warmly at Tuperselai,
seeming particularly interested in her bare breasts. (As was the custom in New
Guinea then, she wore only a grass skirt.) He said in pidgin English how
beautiful she was, and kept repeating her name, which he pronounced remarkably
well. He did not say You're anxiously expecting me to escort you \ To parties:
here too solicit my advice. \ Arrive late, when the lamps are lit; make a
graceful entrance - \ Delay enhances charm, delay's a great bawd. \ Plain you
may be, but at night you'll look fine to the tipsy: \ Soft lights and shadows
will mask yourfaults. \ Take your food with dainty fingers: good table manners
matter: \ Don't besmear your whole face with a greasy paw. \ Don't cat first at
home, and nibble - but equally, don't indulge your \ Appetite to the full,
leave something in hand. \ If Paris saw Helen stuffing herself to the eyeballs
\ He'd detest her, he'd feel her abduction had been \ A stupid mistake. . . . \
Each woman should know herself, pick methods \ To suit her body: onefashion .
won't do for all. \ Let the girl with a pretty face lie supine, let the lady \
Who boasts a good back be viewed \ From behind. Milanion bore Atalanta's legs
on \ His shoulders: nice legs should always be used this way \ The petite
should ride a horse (Andromache, Hector's Theban \ Bride, was too tall for
these games: no jockey she); \ If you 're built like afashion model, with a
willowy figure, \ Then kneel on the bed, your neck \ A little arched; the girl
who has perfect legs and bosom \ Should lie sideways on, and make her lover
stand. \ Don't blush to unbind your hair like some ecstatic maenad \ And tumble
long tresses about \ Your uncurved throat. - OVID, THE ARTOFLOVE,TRANSLATED BY
PETER GREEN 398 "How do you attract a man," the Paris correspondent
of the Stockholm Aftonbladet asked La Belle on July 3, 1910. • "Make
yourself as feminine as possible; dress so that the most interesting portions
of your anatomy are emphasized; and subtly allow the gentleman to know you are
willing to yield at the proper time. . . • "The way to hold a man"
Otero revealed a little later to a staff writerfrom the Johannesburg Morning
Journal, "is to keep acting as though every time you meet him you are
overcome with fresh enthusiasm and, with barely restrained eagerness, you await
his impetuosity." -ARTHUR H. LEWIS, LA BELLE OTERO "I missed the
mental stimulation when I was younger," he answered. "But from the
time I began to have women, shall we say, on the assembly-line basis, I
discovered that the only thing you need, want, or should have is the absolutely
physical. Simply the physical. No mind at all. A woman's mind will get in the
way." • "Really?" • "For me . . . I am speaking of myself.
I don't speak for male humankind. I am speaking for what I've discovered or
what I need: the body, the face, the physical motion, the voice, the
femaleness, the female presence . . . totally that, nothing else. That's the
best. There's no possessiveness in that." • I watched him closely. •
"I'm serious," he said. "That's my view and feeling. Just the
elementary much else, mind you-he did not speak her language-so she said
goodbye and walked away with her father. But later that day she discovered, to
her dismay, that Mr. Flynn had taken a liking to her and had purchased her from
her father for two pigs, some English coins, and some seashell money. The
family was poor and the father liked the price. Tuperselai had a boyfriend in
the village whom she did not want to leave, but she did not dare disobey her
father, and she left with Mr. Flynn for the tobacco plantation. On the other
hand, she had no intention of being friendly with this man, from whom she
expected the worst kind of treatment. In the first few days, Tuperselai missed
her village terribly, and felt nervous and out of sorts. But Mr. Flynn was
polite, and talked in a soothing voice. She began to relax, and since he kept
his distance, she decided it was safe to approach him. His white skin was tasty
to the mosquitoes, so she began to wash him every night with scented bush herbs
to keep them away. Soon she had a thought: Mr. Flynn was lonely, and wanted a
companion. That was why he had bought her. At night he usually read; instead,
she began to entertain him by singing and dancing. Sometimes he tried to
communicate in words and gestures, struggling inpidgin. She had no idea what he
was trying to say, but he made her laugh. And one day she did understand
something: the word "swim." He was inviting her to go swimming with
him in the Laloki River. She was happy to go along, but the river was full of
crocodiles, so she brought along her spear just in case. At the sight of the
river, Mr. Flynn seemed to come alive-he tore off his clothes and dove in. She
followed and swam after him. He put his arms around her and kissed her. They
drifted downstream, and she clung to him. She had forgotten about the
crocodiles; she had also forgotten about her father, her boyfriend, her
village, and everything else there was to forget. Around a bend of the river,
he picked her up and carried her to a secluded grove near the river's edge. It
all happened rather suddenly, which was fine with Tuperselai. From then on this
was a daily ritual-the river, the grove-until the time came when the tobacco
plantation was no longer doing so well, and Mr. Flynn left New Guinea. One day
some ten years later, a young girl named Blanca Rosa Welter went to a party at
the Ritz Hotel in Mexico City. As she wandered through the bar, looking for her
friends, a tall older man blocked her path and said in a charming accent,
"You must be Blanca Rosa." He did not have to introduce himself-he
was the famous Hollywoodactor Errol Flynn. His face was plastered on posters
everywhere, and he was friends of the party's hosts, the Davises, and had heard
them praise the beauty of Blanca Rosa, who was turning eighteen the following day.
He led her to a table in the corner. His manner was graceful and confident, and
listening to him talk, she forgot about her friends. He spoke of her beauty,
repeated her name, said he could make her a star. Before she knew what was
happening, he had invited her to join him in Acapulco, where he was
vacationing. The Davises, their mutual friends, could come along as chaperones.
That would be wonderful, she said, but her mother would never agree. Don't
worry Use Physical Lures • 399 about that, Flynn replied; and the following day
he showed up at their house with a beautiful gift for Blanca, a ring with her
birthstone. Melting under his charming smile, Blanca's mother agreed to his
plan. Later that day, Blanca found herself on a plane to Acapulco. It was all
like a dream. The Davises, under orders from Blanca's mother, tried not to let
her out of their sight, so Flynn put her on a raft and they drifted out into
the ocean, far from the shore. His flattering words filled her ears, and she
let him hold her hand and Mss her cheek. That night they danced together, and
when the evening was over he escorted hertoherroom and serenaded her with a
song as they finally parted. It was the end of a perfect day. In the middle of
the night, she woke up to hear him calling her name, from her hotel-room
balcony. How had he gotten there? His room was a floor above; he must have
somehow jumped or swung down, a dangerous maneuver. She approached, not at all
afraid, but curious. He pulled her gently into his arms and kissed her. Her
body convulsed; overwhelmed with new sensations, totally at sea, she began to
cry-out of happiness, she said. Flynn comforted her with a kiss and returned to
his room above, in the same inexplicable way he had arrived. Now Blanca was
hopelessly in love with him and would do anything he asked of her. A few weeks
later, in fact, she followed him to Hollywood, where she went on to become a
successful actress, known as Linda Christian. In 1942, an eighteen-year-old
girl named Nora Eddington had a temporary job selling cigarettes at the Los
Angeles County courthouse. The place was a madhouse at the time, teeming with
tabloid journalists: two young girls had charged Errol Flynn with rape. Nora of
course noticed Flynn, a tall, dashing man who occasionally bought cigarettes
from her, but her thoughts were with her boyfriend, a young Marine. A few weeks
later Flynn was acquitted, the trial ended, and the place settleddown. A man
she had met during the trial called her up one day; he was Flynn's right-hand
man, and on Flynn's behalf, he wanted to invite her up to the actor's house on
Mulholland Drive. Nora had no interest in Flynn, and in fact she was a little
afraid of him, but a girlfriend who was dying to meet him talked her into going
and bringing her along. What did she have to lose? Nora agreed to go. On the
day, Flynn's friend showed up and drove them to a splendid house on top of a
hill. When they arrived, Flynn was standing shirtless by his swimming pool. He
came to greet her and her girlfriend, moving so gracefully-like a lithe cat-and
his manner so relaxed, she felt her jitters melt away. He gave them a tour of
the house, which was full of artifacts of his various sea voyages. He talked so
delightfully of his love of adventure that she wished she had had adventures of
her own. He was the perfect gentleman, and even let her talk about her
boyfriend without the slightest sign ofjealousy. Nora had a visit from her
boyfriend the next day. Somehow he didn't seem so interesting anymore; they had
a fight and broke up on the spot. That night, Flynn took her out on the town,
to the famous Mocambo nightclub. He was drinking andjoking, and she fell into
the spirit, and hap- physical female. Nothing more than that. When you get hold
of that-hang on to it, for a short while." -EARL CONRAD, ERROL FLYNN: A
MEMOIR A sweet disorder in the dress \ Kindles in clothes a wantonness: \ A
lawn about the shoulders thrown \ Into a fine distraction: \ An erring lace,
which here and there \ Enthralls the crimson stomacher: \ A cuff neglectful,
and thereby \ Ribbands to flow confusedly: \ A winning wave (deserving note) \
In the tempestuous petticoat: \ A careless shoestring, in whose tie \ I see a
wild civility: \ Do more bewitch me, than when art \ Is too precise in every
part. - ROBERT HERRICK,"DELIGHT IN DISORDER," QUOTED IN PETER
WASHINGTON, ED., EROTIC POEMS Satni, the son of Pharaoh Usimares, saw a very
beautiful woman on the plain-stones of the temple. He called his page, and
said, "Go and tell her that I, Pharaoh's son, shall give her ten pieces of
gold to spend an hour with me." "I am a Pure One, I am not a low
person," answers the Lady Thubuit. "If you wish to have your pleasure
with me, you will come to my house at Bubastis. Everything will be ready there."
Satni went to Bubastis by boat. "By my life," said Thubuit,
"come upstairs with me." On the upper floor, sanded with dust of
lapis lazuli and turquoise, Satni saw several beds covered with royal linen and
many gold 400 bowls on a table. "Please take your meal," said
Thubuit."That is not what I have come to do," answered Satni, while
the slaves put aromatic wood on the fire and scattered scent about. "Do
that for which we have come here," Satni repeated. "First you will
make out a deedfor my maintenance," Thubuit replied, "and you will
establish a dowry for me of all the things and goods which belong to you, in
writing." Satni acquiesced, saying, "Bring me the scribe of the
school." • When he had done what she asked, Thubuit rose and dressed
herself in a robe of fine linen, through which Satni could see all her limbs.
His passion increased, but she said, "If it is true that you desire to
have your pleasure of me, you will make your children subscribe to my deed,
that they may not seek a quarrel with my children." Satni sent for his
children. "If it is true that you desire to have your pleasure of me, you
will cause your children to be killed, that they may not seek a quarrel with my
children." Satni consented again: "Let any crime be done to them
which your heart desires." "Go into that room," said Thubuit;
and while the little corpses were thrown out to the stray dogs and cats, Satni
at last lay on a bed of ivory and ebony, that his love might be rewarded, and
Thubuit lay down at his side. "Then," the texts modestly say,
"magic and the god Amen did much." • The charms of the Divine Women
must have been irresistible, if even "the wisest men" were pily let
him touch her hand. Then suddenly she panicked. "I'm a Catholic and a
virgin," she blurted out, "and some day I'm going to walk down the
church aisle wearing a veil-and if you think you're going to sleep with me,
you're mistaken." Totally calm and unruffled, Flynn said she had nothing
to fear. He simply liked being with her. She relaxed, and politely asked him to
put his hand back. Over the next few weeks she saw him almost every day. She
became his secretary. Soon she was spending weekend nights as his house guest.
He took her on skiing and boating trips. He remained the perfect gentleman, but
when he looked at her or touched her hand, she felt overwhelmed by an
exhilarating sensation, a tingling on her skin that she compared to stepping
into a cold-needle shower on a red-hot day. Soon she was going to church less
often, drifting away from the life she had known. Although outwardly nothing
had changed between them, inwardly all semblance of resistance to him had
melted away. One night, after a party, she succumbed. She and Flynn eventually
engaged in a stormy marriage that lasted seven years. Interpretation. The women
who became involved with Errol Flynn (and by the end of his life they numbered
in the thousands) had every reason in the world to feel suspicious of him: he
was real life's closest thing to a Don Juan. (In fact he had played the
legendary seducer in a film.) He was constantly surrounded by women, who knew
that no involvement with him could last. And then there were the rumors of his
temper, and his love of danger and adventure. No woman had greater reason to
resist him than Nora Eddington: when she met him he stood accused of rape; she
was involved with another man; she was a God-fearing Catholic. Yet she fell
under his spell, just like all the rest. Some seducers-D. H. Lawrence for
-operate mostly on the mind, creating fascination, stirring up the need to
possess them. Flynn operated on the body. His cool, nonchalant manner infected
women, lowering their resistance. This happened almost the minute they met him,
like a drug: he was at ease around women, graceful and confident. They fell
into this spirit, drifting along on a current he created, leaving the world and
its heaviness behind-it was only you and him. Then-perhaps that same day,
perhaps a few weeks later-there would come a touch of his hand, a certain look,
that would make them feel a tingling, a vibration, a dangerously physical
excitement. They would betray that moment in their eyes, a blush, a nervous
laugh, and he would swoop in for the kill. No one moved faster than Errol
Flynn. The greatest obstacle to the physical part of the seduction is the
target's education, the degree to which he or she has been civilized and
socialized. Such education conspires to constrain the body, dull the senses,
fill the mind with doubts and worries. Flynn had the ability to return a woman
to a more natural state, in which desire, pleasure, and sex had nothing
negative attached to them. He lured women into adventure not with arguments but
Use Physical Lures • 401 with an open, unrestrained attitude that infected
their minds. Understand: it all starts from you. When the time comes to make
the seduction physical, train yourself to let go of your own inhibitions, your
doubts, your lingering feelings of guilt and anxiety. Your confidence and ease
will have more power to intoxicate the victim than all the alcohol you could
apply. Exhibit a lightness of spirit-nothing bothers you, nothing daunts you,
you take nothing personally. You are inviting your targets to shed the burdens
of civilization, to follow your lead and drift. Do not talk of work, duty,
marriage, the past or future. Plenty of other people will do that. Instead,
offer the rare thrill of losing oneself in the moment, where the senses come
dive and the mind is left behind. When he kissed me, it evoked a response I had
never known or imagined before, a giddying of all my senses. It was instinctive
joy, against which no warning, reasoning monitor within me availed. It was new
and irresistible and finally overpowering. Seduction-the word implies being
led-and so gently, so tenderly. -LINDA CHRISTIAN Keys to Seduction N ow more
than ever, our minds are in a state of constant distraction, barraged with
endless information, pulled in every direction. Many of us recognize the
problem: articles are written, studies are completed, but they simply become
more information to digest. It is almost impossible to turn off an overactive
mind; the attempt simply triggers more thoughts- an inescapable hall of
mirrors. Perhaps we turn to alcohol, to drugs, to physical activity-anything to
help us slow the mind, be more present in the moment. Our discontent presents
the crafty seducer with infinite opportunity. The waters around you are teeming
with people seeking some kind of release from mental overstimulation. The lure
of unencumbered physical pleasure will make them take your bait, but as you
prowl the waters, understand: the only way to relax a distracted mind is to
make it focus on one thing. A hypnotist asks the patient to focus on a watch
swinging back and forth. Once the patient focuses, the mind relaxes, the senses
awaken, the body becomes prone to all kinds of novel sensations and
suggestions. As a seducer, youare a hypnotist, and what you are making the
target focus on is you. Throughout the seductive process you have been filling
the target's mind. Letters, mementos, shared experiences keep you constantly
present, even when you are not there. Now, as you shift to the physical part of
the seduction, you must see your targets more often. Your attention must become
more intense. Errol Flynn was a master at this game. When he ready to do
anything in their desire to abandon themselves, even for a few moments, to
their trained embraces. -G. R.TABOUIS, THE PRIVATE UFE OF TUTANKHAMEN,
TRANSLATE DBYM.R.DOBIE CELIE: What is the moment, and how do you define it?
Because I must say in all good honesty that I do not understand you. • THE
DUKE: A certain disposition of the senses, as unexpected as it is involuntary,
which a woman can conceal, but which, should it be perceived or sensed by
someone who might profit from it, puts her in the greatest danger of being a
little more willing than she thought she ever should or could be. -CREBILLON
FILS, LE HASARD AU COIN DU FEU, QUOTED IN MICHEL FEHER, ED., THE LIBERTINE
READER When, on an autumn evening, with closed eyes, \ I breathe the warm dark
fragrance of your breast, \ Before me blissful shores unfold, caressed \ By
dazzlingfires from blue unchanging skies. \ And there, upon that calm and
drowsing isle, \ Grow luscious fruits amid fantastic trees: \ There, men are
lithe: the women of those seas \ Amaze one with their gaze that knows no guile.
\ Your perfume wafts me thither like a wind: \ I see a harbor thronged with
masts and sails \ Still weary from the tumult of the gales; \ And 402 THE
FLOWERS OF EVIL, TRANSLATED BY ALAN CONDER with the sailors' song that honied in
on a victim, he dropped everything else. The woman was made drifts to me \ Are
mmgied t0 f ee i everything came second to her-his career, his friends, every-
odors of the tamarind, \ . , , . ... . . . . . , " , . , thing. Then he
would take her on a little trip, preferably with water and melody, around.
Slowly the rest of the world would fade into the background, and -charles
baudelaire, Flynn would take center stage. The more your targets think of you,
the less ¦exotic perfume," they are distracted by thoughts of work and
duty. When the mind focuses tiic flowers or evil. one jj. and w hen the mind
relaxes, all the little paranoid thoughts that we are prone to-do you really
like me, am I intelligent or beautiful enough, what does the future hold-vanish
from the surface. Remember: it all starts with you. Be undistracted, present in
the moment, and the target will follow suit. The intense gaze of the hypnotist
creates a similar reaction in the patient. Once the target's overactive mind
starts to slow down, their senses will come to life, and your physical lures
will have double their power. Now a heated glance will give them flush. You
will have a tendency to employ physical lures that work primarily on the eyes,
the sense we most rely on in our culture. Physical appearances are critical,
but you are after a general agitation of the senses. La Belle Otero made sure
men noticed her breasts, her figure, her perfume, her walk; no part was allowed
to predominate. The senses are interconnected-an appeal to smell will trigger
touch, an appeal to touch will trigger vision: casual or "accidental"
contact-better a brushing of the skin than something more forceful right
now-will create a jolt and activate the eyes. Subtly modulate the voice, make
it slower and deeper. Living senses will crowd out rational thought. In the
eighteenth-century libertine novel The Wayward Head and Heart, by Crebillon
fils, Madame de Lursay is trying to seduce a younger man, Meilcour. Her weapons
are several. One night at a party she is hosting, she wears a revealing gown;
her hair is slightly tousled; she throws him heated glances; her voice trembles
a bit. When they are alone, she innocently gets him to sit close to her, and
talks more slowly; at one point she starts to cry. Meilcour has many reasons to
resist her; he has fallen in love with a girl his own age, and he has heard
rumors about Madame de Lursay that should make him distrust her. But the
clothes, the looks, the perfume, the voice, the closeness of her body, the
tears-it all begins to overwhelm him. "An indescribable agitation stirred
my senses." Meilcour succumbs. The French libertines of the eighteenth
century called this "the moment." The seducer leads the victim to a
point where he or she reveals involuntary signs of physical excitation that can
be read in various symptoms. Once those signs are detected, the seducer must
work quickly, applying pressure on the target to get lost in the moment-the
past, the future, all moral scmples vanishing in air. Once your victims lose
themselves in the moment, it is all over-their mind, their conscience, no
longer holds them back. The body gives in to pleasure. Madame de Lursay lures
Meilcour into the moment by creating a generalized disorder of the senses,
rendering him incapable of thinking straight. In leading your victims into the
moment, remember a few things. First, Use Physical Lures • 403 a disordered
look (Madame de Lursay's tousled hair, her ruffled dress) has more effect on
the senses than a neat appearance. It suggests the bedroom. Second, be alert to
the signs of physical excitation. Blushing, trembling of the voice, tears,
unusually forceful laughter, relaxing movements of the body (any kind of
involuntary mirroring, their gestures imitating yours), a revealing slip of the
tongue-these are signs that the victim is slipping into the moment and pressure
is to be applied. In 1934, a Chinese football player named Li met a young
actress named Lan Ping in Shanghai. He began to see her often at his matches,
cheering him on. They would meet at public affairs, and he would notice her
glancing at him with her "strange, yearning eyes," then looking away.
One evening he found her seated next to him at a reception. Her leg brushed up
against his. They chatted, and she asked him to see a movie with her at a
nearby cinema. Once they were there, her head found its way onto his shoulder;
she whispered into his ear, something about the film. Later they strolled the
streets, and she put her arm around his waist. She brought him to a restaurant
where they drank some wine. Li took her to his hotel room, and there he found
himself overwhelmed by caresses and sweet words. She gave him no room to
retreat, no time to cool down. Three years later Lan Ping-soon to be renamed
Jiang Qing-played a similar game on Mao Zedong. She was to become Mao's
wife-the infamous Madame Mao, leader of the Gang of Four. Seduction, like
warfare, is often a game of distance and closeness. At first you track your
enemy from a distance. Your main weapons are your eyes, and a mysterious manner.
Byron had his famous underlook, Madame Mao her yearning eyes. The key is to
make the look short and to the point, then look away, like a rapier glancing
the flesh. Make your eyes reveal desire, and keep the rest of the face still.
(A smile will spoil the effect.) Once the victim is heated up, you quickly
bridge the distance, turning to hand- to-hand combat in which you give the
enemy no room to withdraw, no time to think or to consider the position in
which you have placed him or her. To take the element of fear out of this, use
flattery, make the target feel more masculine or feminine, praise their charms.
It is their fault that you have become so physical and aggressive. There is no
greater physical lure than to make the target feel alluring. Remember; the
girdle of Aphrodite, which gave her untold seductive powers, included that of
sweet flattery. Shared physical activity is always an excellent lure. The
Russian mystic Rasputin would begin his seductions with a spiritual lure-the
promise of a shared religious experience. But then his eyes would bore into his
target at a party, and inevitably he would lead her in a dance, which would
become more and more suggestive as he movedcloser to her. Hundreds of women
succumbed to this technique. For Flynn it was swimming or sailing. In such
physical activity, the mind turns off and the body operates according to its
own laws. The target's body will follow your lead, will mirror your moves, as
far as you want it to go. In the moment, all moral considerations fade away,
and the body re- turns to a state of innocence. You can partly create that
feeling through a devil-may-care attitude. You do not worry about the world, or
what people think of you; you do not judge your target in any way. Part of
Flynn's appeal was his total acceptance of a woman. He was not interested in a
particular body type, a woman's race, her level of education, her political
beliefs. He was in love with her feminine presence. He was luring her into an
adventure, free of society's strictures and moral judgments. With him she could
act out a fantasy-which, for many, was the chance to be aggressive or
transgressive, to experience danger. So empty yourself of your tendency to
moralize andjudge. You have lured your targets into a momentary world of pleasure-soft
and accommodating, all rules and taboos thrown out the window. Symbol: The
Raft. Floating out to sea, drifting with the current. Soon the shoreline
disappears from sight, and the two of you are alone. The water invites you to
forget all cares and worries, to submerge yourself. Without anchor or
direction, cut off from the past, you give in to the drifting sensation and
slowly lose all restraint. Reversal S ome people panic when they sense they are
falling into the moment. Often, using spiritual lures will help disguise the
increasingly physical nature of the seduction. That is how the lesbian
seductress Natalie Barney operated. In her heyday, at the turn of the twentieth
century, lesbian sex was immensely transgressive, and women new to it often
felt a sense of shame or dirtiness. Barney led them into the physical, but so
enveloped it in poetry and mysticism that they relaxed and felt purified by the
experience. Today, few people feel repulsed by their sexual nature, but many
are uncomfortable with their bodies. A purely physical approach will frighten
and disturb them. Instead, make it seem a spiritual, mystical union, and they
will take less notice of your physical manipulations. 23 Master the Art of the
Bold Move A moment has arrived: your victim clearly desires you, but is not
ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it. This is the time to throw aside
chivalry, kindness, and coquetry and to overwhelm with a bold move. Don't give
the victim time to consider the consequences; create conflict, stir up tension,
so that the bold move comes as a great release. Showing hesitation or
awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed
by the victim's charms. Never hold back or meet the target halfway, under the
belief that you are being correct and considerate: you must be seductive now,
not political. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you. The Perfect
Climax T hrough a campaign of deception-the misleading appearance of a
transformation into goodness-the rake Valmont laid siege to the virtuous young
Presidente de Tourvel until the day came when, disturbed by his confession of
love for her, she insisted he leave the chateau where both of them were staying
as guests. He complied. From Paris, however, he flooded her with letters,
describing his love for her in the most intense terms; she begged him to stop,
and once again he complied. Then, several weeks later, he paid a surprise visit
to the chateau. In his company Tourvel was flushed and jumpy, and kept her eyes
averted-all signs of his effect on her. Again she asked him to leave. What have
you to fear? he replied, I have always done what you have asked, I have never
forced myself on you. He kept his distance and she slowly relaxed. She no
longer left the room when he entered, and she could look at him directly. When
he offered to accompany her on a walk, she did not refuse. They were friends,
shesaid. She even put her arm in his as they strolled, a friendly gesture. One
rainy day they could not take their usual walk. He met her in the hallway as
she was entering her room; for the first time, she invited him in. She seemed
relaxed, and Valmont sat near her on a sofa. He talked of his love for her. She
gave the faintest protest. He took her hand; she left it there and leaned
against his arm. Her voice trembled. She looked at him, and he felt his heart
flutter-it was a tender, loving look. She started to speak-"Well! yes, I .
. ."-then suddenly collapsed into his arms, crying. It was a moment of
weakness, yet Valmont held himself back. Her crying became convulsive; she
begged him to help her, to leave the room before something terrible happened.
He did so. The following morning he awoke to some surprising news: in the
middle of the night, claiming she was feeling ill, Tourvel had suddenly left
the chateau and returned home. Valmont did not follow her to Paris. Instead he
began staying up late, and using no powder to hide the peaked looks that soon
ensued. He went to the chapel every day, and dragged himself despondently around
the chateau. He knew that his hostess would be writing to the Presidente, who
would hear of his sad state. Next he wrote to a church father in Paris, and
asked him to pass along a message to Tourvel: he was ready to change his life
for good. He wanted one last meeting, to say goodbye and to return the letters
she had written him over thelastfew months. The father arranged a It afforded,
moreover, another advantage: that of observing at my leisure her charming face,
more beautiful than ever, as it proffered the powerful enticement of tears. My
blood was on fire, and I was so little in control of myself that I was tempted
to make the most of the occasion. • How weak we must be, how strong the
dominion of circumstance, if even I, without a thought for my plans, could risk
losing all the charm of a prolonged struggle, all the fascination of a
laboriously administered defeat, by concluding a premature victory; if
distracted by the most puerile of desires, I could be willing that the
conqueror of Madame de Tourvel should take nothing for the fruit of his labors
but the tasteless distinction of having added one more name to the roll. Ah,
let her surrender, but let her fight! Let her be too weak to prevail but strong
enough to resist; let her savor the knowledge of her weakness at her leisure,
but let her be unwilling to admit defeat. Leave the humble poacher to kill the
stag where he has surprised it in its hiding place; the true hunter will bring
it to bay. -VICOMTE DEVALMONT, IN CHODERLOS DE LACLOS, DANGEROUS LIAISONS.
TRANSLATED BY P.W.K. STONE, IN MICHEL FEHER, ED., THE LIBERTINE READER Don't
you know that however willing, however eager we are to give ourselves, we must
nevertheless have an excuse? And is there any more convenient than an
appearance of yielding to force? As for me, I shall admit that one thing that
most flatters me is a lively and well-executed attack, when everything happens
in quick but orderly succession; which never puts us in the painfully
embarrassing position of having to cover up some blunder of which, on the
contrary, we ought to be taking advantage; which keeps up an appearance of
taking by storm even that which we are quite prepared to surrender; and
adroitly flatters our two favorite passions-the pride of defense and the
pleasure of defeat. -MARQUISE DE MERTEUIL IN CHODERLOS DE LACLOS, DANGEROUS
LIAISONS. TRANSLATED BY P.W.K. STONE IN MICHEL FEHER, ED., THE UBERTINE READER
What sensible man will not intersperse his coaxing \ With kisses? Even if she
doesn't kiss back, \ Still force on regardless! She may struggle, cry
"Naughty!" \ Yet she wants to be overcome. Just meeting, and so, one
late afternoon in Paris, Valmont found himself once again alone with Tourvel,
in a room in her house. The Presidente was clearly on edge; she could not look
him in the eye. They exchanged pleasantries, but then Valmont turned harsh; she
had treated him cruelly, had apparently been determined to make him unhappy.
Well, this was the end, they were separating for good, since that was how she
wanted it. Tourvel argued back: she was a married woman, she had no choice.
Valmont softened his tone and apologized: he was unused to having such strong
feelings, he said, and could not control himself. Still, he would never trouble
her again. Then he laid on a table the letters he had come to return. Tourvel
came closer: the sight of her letters, and the memory of all the turmoil they
represented, affected her powerfully. She had thought his decision to renounce
his libertine way of life was voluntary, she said-with a touch of bitterness in
her voice, as if she resented being abandoned. No, it was not voluntary, he
replied, it was because she had spurned him. Then he suddenly stepped closer
and took her in his arms. She did not resist. "Adorable woman!" he cried.
"You have no idea of the love you inspire. You will never know how I have
worshipped you, how much dearer my feelings have been to me than life! ... May
[your days] be blessed with all of the happiness of which you have deprived
me!" Then he let her go and turned to leave. Tourvel suddenly snapped.
"You shall listen to me. I insist," she said, and grabbed his arm. He
turned around and they embraced. This time he waited no longer, picking her up,
carrying her to anottoman, overwhelming her with kisses and sweet words of the
happiness he now felt. Before this sudden flood of caresses, all her resistance
gave way. "From this moment on I am yours," she said, "and you
will hear neither refusals nor regrets from my lips." Tourvel was true to
her word, and Valmont's suspicions were to prove correct: the pleasures he won
from her were far greater than with any other woman he had seduced.
Interpretation. Valmont-a character in Choderlos de Laclos's eighteenth-
century novel Dangerous Liaisons -can sense several things about the Presidente
at first glance. She is timid and nervous. Her husband almost certainly treats
her with respect-probably too much of it. Beneath her interest in God,
religion, and virtue is a passionate woman, vulnerable to the lure of a romance
and to the flattering attention of an ardent suitor. No one, not even her
husband, has given her this feeling, because they have all been so daunted by
her prudish exterior. Valmont begins his seduction, then, by being indirect. He
knows Tourvel is secretly fascinated with his bad reputation. By acting as if
he is contemplating a change in his life, he can make her want to reform him-a
desire that is unconsciously a desire to love him. Once she has opened up ever
so slightly to his influence, he strikes at her vanity: she has never felt
Master the Art of the Bold Move • 409 desired as a woman, and on some level
cannot help but enjoy his love for her. Of course she struggles and resists,
but that is only a sign that her emotions are engaged. (Indifference is the
single most effective deterrent to seduction.) By taking his time, by making no
bold moves even when he has the opportunity for them, he instills in her a
false sense of security and proves himself by being patient. On what he
pretends is his last visit to her, however, he can sense she is ready-weak,
confused, more afraid of losing the addictive feeling of being desired than of
suffering the consequences of adultery. He deliberately makes her emotional,
dramatically displays her letters, creates some tension by playing a game of
push-and-pull, and when she takes his arm, he knows it is the time to strike.
Now he moves quickly, allowing her no time for doubts or second thoughts. But
his move seems to arise out of love, not lust. After so much resistance and
tension, what a pleasure to finally surrender. The climax now comes as a great
release. Never underestimate the role of vanity in love and seduction. If you
seem impatient, champing at the bit for sex, you signal that it is all about
libido, and that it has little to do with the target's own charms. That is why
you must defer the climax. A lengthier courtship will feed the target's vanity,
and will make the effect of your bold move all the more powerful and enduring.
Wait too long, though-showing desire, but then proving too timid to make your
move-and you will stir up a different kind of insecurity: "You found me
desirable, but you are not acting on your desires; maybe you're not so
interested." Doubts like these affront your target's vanity (if you're not
interested, maybe I'm not so interesting), and are fatal in the latter stages
of seduction; awkwardness and misunderstandings will spring up everywhere. Once
you read in your targets' gestures that they are ready and open-a look in the
eye, mirroring behavior, a strange nervousness in your presence-you must go on
the offensive, make them feel that their charms have unhinged you and pushed
you into the bold move. They will then have the ultimate pleasure: physical
surrender and a psychological boost to their vanity. take care \ Not to bruise
her tender lips with such hard-snatched kisses, \ Don't give her a chance to
protest \ You're too rough. Those who grab their kisses, but not whatfollows, \
Deserve to lose all they've gained. How short were you \ Of the ultimate goal
after all your kissing? That was \ Gaucheness, not modesty, I'm afraid . . . -
OVID, THE ART OF LOVE. TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN I have tested all manner of
pleasures, and known every variety of joy; and I have found that neither
intimacy with princes, nor wealth acquired, nor finding after lacking, nor
returning after long absence, nor security after fear and repose in a safe
refuge-none of these things so powerfully affects the soul as union with the
beloved, especially if it come after long denial and continual banishment. For
then the flame ofpassion waxes exceeding hot, and the furnace of yearning
blazes up, and the fire of eager hope rages ever more fiercely. The more
timidity a lover shows with us the more it concerns our pride to goad him on; the
more respect he has for our resistance, the more respect we demand of him. We
would willingly say to you men: "Ah, in pity's name do not suppose us to
be so very virtuous; you are forcing us to have too much of it." -NINON DE
L'ENCLOS Keys to Seduction T hink of seduction as a world you enter, a world
that is separate and distinct from the real world. The rules are different
here; what works in daily life can have the opposite effect in seduction. The
real world fea- - IBN HAZM, THE RING OF THE DOVE: A TREATISE ON THE ART AND
PRACTICE OF ARAB LOVE.TRANSLATEDBYA. J. ARBERRY I knew once two great lords,
brothers, both of them highly bred and highly accomplished gentlemen which did
love two ladies, but the one of these wasof much higher quality and more account
than the other in all respects. Now being entered both into the chamber of 410
this great lady, who for the time being was keeping her bed, each did withdraw
apart for to entertain his mistress. The one did converse with the high-born
dame with every possible respect and humble salutation and kissing of hands,
with words of honor and stately compliment, without making ever an attempt to
come near and try to force the place. The other brother, without any ceremony
of words or fine phrases, did take his fair one to a recessed window, and
incontinently making free with her (for he was very strong), he did soon show
her 'twas not his way to love a I'espagnole, with eyes and tricks of face and
words, but in the genuine fashion and proper mode every true lover should
desire. Presently having finished his task, he doth quit the chamber; but as he
goes, saith to his brother, loud enough for his lady to hear the words:
"Do you as I have done, brother mine; else you do naught at all. Be you as
brave and hardy as you will elsewhere, yet if you show not your hardihood here
and now, you are disgraced;for here is no place of ceremony and respect, but
one where you do see your lady before you, which doth but wait your
attack." So with this he did leave his brother, which yetfor that while
did refrain him and put it off to another time. Butfor this the lady did by no
means esteem him more highly, whether it was she did put it down to an
overchilliness in love, or a lack of courage, or a defect of bodily vigor.
-SEIGNEUR DE BRANT6ME, LIVES OF FAIR & GALLANT LADIES , TRANSLATED BY A. R.
ALLINSON tures a democratizing, leveling impulse, in which everything has to
seem at least something like equal. An overt imbalance of power, an overt
desire for power, will stir envy and resentment; we learn to be kind and
polite, at least on the surface. Even those who have power generally try to act
humble and modest-they do not want to offend. In seduction, on the other hand,
you can throw all of that out, revel in your dark side, inflict a little
pain-in some ways be more yourself. Your naturalness in this respect will prove
seductive in itself. The problem is that after years of living in the real
world, we lose the ability to be ourselves. We become timid, humble,
overpolite. Your task is to regain some of your childhood qualities, to root
out all this false humility. And the most important quality to recapture is
boldness. No one is born timid; timidity is a protection we develop. If we
never stick our necks out, if we never try, we will never have to suffer the
consequences of failure or success. If we are kind and unobtrusive, no one will
be offended-in fact we will seem saintly and likable. In truth, timid people
are often self-absorbed, obsessed with the way people see them, and not at all
saintly. And humility may have its social uses, but it is deadly in seduction.
You need to be able to play the humble saint at times; it is a mask you wear.
But in seduction, take it off. Boldness is bracing, erotic, and absolutely
necessary to bring the seduction to its conclusion. Done right, it tells your
targets that they have made you lose your normal restraint, and gives them
license to do so as well. People are yearning to have a chance to play out the
repressed sides of their personality. At the final stage of a seduction,
boldness eliminates any awkwardness or doubts. In a dance, two people cannot
lead. One takes over, sweeping the other along. Seduction is not egalitarian;
it is not a harmonic convergence. Holding back at the end out of fear of
offending, or thinking it correct to share the power, is a recipe for disaster.
This is an arena not for politics but for pleasure. It can be by the man or
woman, but a bold move is required. If you are so concerned about the other
person, console yourself with the thought that the pleasure of the one who
surrenders is often greater than that of the aggressor. As a young man, the
actor Errol Flynn was uncontrollably bold. This often got him into trouble; he
became too aggressive around desirable women. Then, while traveling through the
Far East, he became interested in the Asian practice of tantric sex, in which
the male must train himself not to ejaculate, preserving his potency and
heightening both partners' pleasure in the process. Flynn later applied this
principle to his seductions as well, teaching himself to restrain his natural
boldness and delay the end of the seduction as long as possible. So, while
boldness can work wonders, uncontrollable boldness is not seductive but
frightening; you need to be able to turn it on and off at will, know when to
use it. As in Tantrism, you can create more pleasure by delaying the
inevitable. In the 1720s, the Due de Richelieu developed an infatuation with a
certain duchess. The woman was exceptionally beautiful, and was desired by one
and all, but she was far too virtuous to take a lover, although she Master the
Art of the Bold Move • 411 could be quite coquettish. Richelieu bided his time.
He befriended her, charming her with the wit that had made him the favorite of
the ladies. One night a group of such women, including the duchess, decided to
play a practical joke on him, in which he was to be forced naked out of his
room at the palace of Versailles. The joke worked to perfection, the ladies all
got to see him in his native glory, andhada good chuckle watching him run away.
There were many places Richelieu could have hidden; the place he chose was the
duchess's bedroom. Minutes later he watched her enter and undress, and once the
candles were extinguished, he crept into bed with her. She protested, tried to
scream. He covered her mouth with kisses, and she eventually and happily
relented. Richelieu had decided to make his bold move then for several reasons.
First, the duchess had come to like him, and even to harbor a secret desire for
him. She would never act upon it or admit it, but he was certain it existed.
Second, she had seen him naked, and could not help but be impressed. Third, she
would feel a touch of pity for his predicament, and for the joke played on him.
Richelieu, a consummate seducer, would find no more perfect moment. The bold
move should come as a pleasant surprise, but not too much of a surprise. Learn
to read the signs that the target is falling for you. His or her manner toward
you will have changed-it will be more pliant, with more words and gestures
mirroring yours-yet there will still be a touch of nervousness and uncertainty.
Inwardly they have given in to you, but they do not expect a bold move. This is
the time to strike. If you wait too long, to the point where they consciously
desire and expect you to make a move, it loses the piquancy of coming as a
surprise. You want a degree of tension and ambivalence, so that the move
represents a great release. Their surrender will relieve tension like a
long-awaited summer storm. Don't plan your bold move in advance; it cannot seem
calculated. Wait for the opportune moment, as Richelieu did. Be attentive to
favorable circumstances. This will give you room to improvise and go with the
moment, which will heighten the impression you want to create of being suddenly
overwhelmed by desire. If you ever sense that the victim is expecting the bold
move, take a step back, lull them into a false sense of security, then strike.
Sometime in the fifteenth century, the writer Bandello relates, a young
Venetian widow had a sudden lust for a handsome nobleman. She had her father
invite him to their palace to discuss business, but during the meeting the
father had to leave, and she offered to give the young man a tour of the place.
His curiosity was piqued by her bedroom, which she described as the most
splendid room in the palace, but which she also passed by without letting him
enter. He begged to be shown the room, and she granted his wish. He was
spellbound: the velvets, the rare objets, the suggestive paintings, the
delicate white candles. A beguiling scent filled the room. The widow put out
all of the candles but one, then led the man to the bed, which had been heated
with a warming pan. He quickly succumbed to her caresses. Follow the widow's
example: your bold move should have a theatrical quality to it. That will make
it memorable, and make your aggressiveness seem pleasant. A man should proceed
to enjoy any woman when she gives him an opportunity and makes her own love
manifest to him by the following signs: she calls out to a man without first
being addressed by him; she shows herself to him in secret places; she speaks
to him tremblingly and inarticulately; her face blooms with delight and her
fingers or toes perspire; and sometimes she remains with both hands placed on
his body as if she had been surprised by something, or as if overcome
withfatigue. • After a woman has manifested her love to him by outward signs,
and by the motions of her body, the man should make every possible attempt to
conquer her. There should be no indecision or hesitancy: if an opening is found
the man should make the most • of it. The woman, indeed, becomes disgusted with
the man if he is timid about his chances and throws them away. Boldness is the
rule, for everything is to be gained, and nothing lost. - THE HINDU ART OF LOVE
, COLLECTED AND EDITED BY EDWARD WINDSOR The Art of Seduction part of the
drama. The theatricality can come from the setting-an exotic or sensual
location. It can also come from your actions. The widow piqued her victim's
curiosity by creating the suspense about her bedroom. An element of
fear-someone might find you, say-will heighten the tension. Remember: you are
creating a moment that must stand out from the sameness of daily life. Keeping
your targets emotional will both weaken them and heighten the drama of the
moment. And the best way to keep them at an emotional pitch is by infecting
them with emotions of your own. When Valmont wanted the Presidents to become calm,
angry, or tender, he showed that emotion first, and she mirrored it. People are
very susceptible to the moods of those around them; this is particularly acute
at the latter stages of a seduction, when resistance is low and the target has
fallen under your spell. At the point of the bold move, learn to infect your
target with whatever emotional mood you require, as opposed to suggesting the
mood with words. You want access to the target's unconscious, which is best
obtained by infecting them with emotions, bypassing their conscious ability to
resist. It may seem expected for the male to make the bold move, but history is
full of successfully bold females. There are two main forms of feminine
boldness. In the first, more traditional form, the coquettish woman stirs male
desire, is completely in control, then at the last minute, after bringing her
victim to a boil, steps back and lets him make the bold move. She sets it up,
then signals with her eyes, her gestures, that she is ready for him. Courtesans
have used this method throughout history; it is how Cleopatra worked on Antony,
how Josephine seduced Napoleon, how La Belle Otero amassed a fortune during the
Belle Epoque. It lets the man maintain his masculine illusions, although the
woman is really the aggressor. The second form of feminine boldness does not
bother with such illusions: the woman simply takes charge, initiates the first
kiss, pounces on her victim. This is how Marguerite de Valois, Lou
Andreas-Salome, and Madame Mao operated, and many men find it not emasculating
at all but very exciting. It all depends on the insecurities and proclivities
of the victim. This kind of feminine boldness has its allure because it is more
rare than the first kind, but then all boldness is somewhat rare. A bold move
will always stand out compared to the usual treatment afforded by the tepid
husband, the timid lover, the hesitant suitor. That is how you want it. If
everyone were bold, boldness would quickly lose its allure. Master the Art of
the Bold Move • 413 Symbol: The Summer Storm. The hot days follow one another,
with no end in sight. The earth is parched and dry. Then there comes a
stillness in the air, thick and oppressive-the calm before the storm. Suddenly
gusts of wind arrive, and flashes of lightning, exciting and frightening.
Allowing no time to react or runfor shelter, the rain comes, and brings with it
a sense of release. At last. Reversal I f two people come together by mutual
consent, that is not a seduction. There is no reversal. 24 Beware the Aftereffects
Danger follows in the aftermath of a successful seduction. After emotions have
reached a pitch, they often swing in the opposite direction-toward lassitude,
distrust, disappointment. Beware of the long, drawn-out goodbye; insecure, the
victim will cling and claw, and both sides will suffer. If you are to part,
make the sacrifice swift and sudden. If necessary, deliberately break the spell
you have created. If you are to stay in a relationship, beware a flagging of
energy, a creeping familiarity that will spoil the fantasy. If the game is to
go on, a second seduction is required. Never let the other person take you for
granted-use absence, create pain and conflict, to keep the seduced on
tenterhooks. Disenchantment S eduction is a kind of spell, an enchantment. When
you seduce, you are not quite your normal self; your presence is heightened,
you are playing more than one role, you arestrategicallyconcealing your tics
and insecurities. You have deliberately created mystery and suspense to make
the victim experience a real-life drama. Under your spell, the seduced gets to
feel transported away from the world of work and responsibility. You will keep
this going for as long as you want or can, heightening the tension, stirring
the emotions, until the time finally comes to complete the seduction. After
that, disenchantment almost inevitably sets in. The release of tension is
followed by a letdown-of excitement, of energy-that can even materialize as a
kind of disgust directed at you by your victim, even though what is happening
is really a natural emotional course. It is as if a drug were wearing off,
allowing the target to see you as you are-and being disappointed by the flaws
that are inevitably there. On your side, you too have probably tended to
idealize your targets somewhat, and once your desire is satisfied, you may see
them as weak. (After all, they have given in to you.) You too may feel
disappointed. Even in the best of circumstances, you are dealing now with the
reality rather than the fantasy, and the flames will slowly die down-unless you
start up a second seduction. You may think that if the victim is to be
sacrificed, none of this matters. But sometimes your effort to break off the
relationship will inadvertently revivethespellfor the other person, causing him
or her to cling to you tenaciously. No, in either direction-sacrifice, or the
integration of the two of you into a couple-you must take disenchantment into
account. There is an art to the post-seduction as well. Master the following
tactics to avoid undesired aftereffects. Fight against inertia. The sense that
you are trying less hard is often enough to disenchant your victims. Reflecting
back on what you did during the seduction, they will see you as manipulative:
you wanted something then, and so you worked at it, but now you are taking them
for granted. After the first seduction is over, then, show that it isn't really
over-that you want to keep proving yourself, focusing your attention on them,
luring them. That is often enough to keep them enchanted. Fight the tendency to
let things settle into comfort and routine. Stir the pot, even if that means a
In a word, woe to the woman of too monotonous a temperament; her monotony
satiates and disgusts. She is always the same statue, with her a man is always
right. She is so good, so gentle, that she takes away from people the privilege
of quarreling with her, and this is often such a great pleasure! Put in her
place a vivacious woman, capricious, decided, to a certain limit, however, and
things assume a different aspect. The lover will find in the same
personthepleasureofvariety. Temper is the salt, the quality which prevents it
front becoming stale. Restlessness, jealousy, quarrels, making friends again,
spitefulness, all are the food of love. Enchanting variety? . . . Too constant
a peace is productive of a deadly ennui. Uniformity kills love, for as soon as
the spirit of method mingles in an affair of the heart, the passion disappears,
languor supervenes, weariness begins to wear, and disgust ends the chapter. -
NINONDEL'ENCLOS, LIFE, LETTERS AND EPICUREAN PHILOSOPHY OF NINON DE L'ENCLOS
418 Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale \ Her infinite variety: other women
cloy \ The appetites they feed; but she makes hungry \ Where most she
satisfies. -WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA Cry hurrah, and hurrah
again, for a splendid triumph - \ The quarry I sought has fallen into my toils.
. . . \ Why hurry, young man? Your ship's still in mid-passage, \ And the
harbor I seek is far away \ Through my verses, it's true, you may have acquired
a mistress, \ But that's not enough. If my art \ Caught her, my art must keep
her. To guard a conquest's \As tricky as making it. There was luck in the
chase, \ But this task will call for skill. If ever I needed supportfrom \
Venus and Son, and Erato-the Muse \ Erotic by name - it's now, for my
too-ambitious project\Torelatesometechniquesthatmight restrain \ That fickle
young globetrotter, Love. . . . \ To be loved you must show yourself lovable -
\ Something good looks alone \ Can never achieve. You may be handsome as
Homer's Nireus, \ Or young Hylas, snatched by those bad \ Naiads; but all the
same, to avoid a surprise desertion \And keep your girl, it's best you have
gifts of mind \ In addition to physical charms. Beauty's fragile, the passing \
Years diminish its substance, eat it away. \ Violets and bell-mouthed lilies do
not bloomfor ever, \ Hard thorns are all that's left of the blown rose. \ So
with you, my handsome youth: return to inflicting pain and pulling back. Never
rely on your physical charms; even beauty loses its appeal with repeated
exposure. Only strategy and effort will fight off inertia. Maintain mystery.
Familiarity is the death of seduction. If the target knows everything about
you, the relationship gains a level of comfort but loses the elements of
fantasy and anxiety. Without anxiety and a touch of fear, the erotic tension is
dissolved. Remember: reality is not seductive. Keep some dark corners in your
character, flout expectations, use absences to fragment the clinging,
possessive pull that allows familiarity to creep in. Maintain some mystery or
be taken for granted. You will have only yourself to blame for what follows.
Maintain lightness. Seduction is a game, not a matter of life and death. There
will be a tendency in the "post" phase to take things more seriously
and personally, and to whine about behavior that does not please you. Fight
this as much as possible, for it will create exactly the effect you do not
want. You cannot control the other person by nagging and complaining; it will
make them defensive, exacerbating the problem. You will have more control if
you maintain the proper spirit. Your playfulness, the little ruses you employ
to please and delight them, your indulgence of their faults, will make your
victims compliant and easy to handle. Never try to change your victims;
instead, induce them to follow your lead. Avoid the slow burnout. Often, one
person becomes disenchanted but lacks the courage to make the break. Instead,
he or she withdraws inside. As an absence, this psychological step back may
inadvertently reignite the other person's desire, and a frustrating cycle
begins of pursuit and retreat.Everythingunravels, slowly. Once you feel
disenchanted and know it is over, end it quickly, without apology. That would
only insult the other person. A quick separation is often easier to get over-it
is as if you had a problem being faithful, as opposed to your feeling that the
seduced was no longer being desirable. Once you are truly disenchanted, there
is no going back, so don't hang on out of false pity. It is more compassionate
to make a clean break. If that seems inappropriate or too ugly, then
deliberately disenchant the victim with anti-seductive behavior. Examples of
Sacrifice and Integration 1. In the 1770s, the handsome Chevalier de Belleroche
began an affair with an older woman, the Marquise de Merteuil. He saw a lot of
her, but soon she began to pick quarrels with him. Entranced by her
unpredictable Beware the Aftereffects • 419 moods, he worked hard to please
her, showering her with attention and tenderness. Eventually the quarreling
stopped, and as the days went by, de Belleroche felt confident that Merteuil
loved him-until one day, when he came to visit, and found that she was not at
home. Her footman greeted him at the door, and said he would take the chevalier
to a secret house of Merteuil's outside Paris. There the marquise was waiting
for him, in a renewed mood of coquettishness: she acted as if this were
theirfirsttryst.Thechevalier had never seen her so ardent. He left at daybreak
more in love than ever, but a few days later they quarreled again. The marquise
seemed cold after that, and he saw her flirt with another man at a party. He
felt horribly jealous, but as before, his solution was to become more attentive
and loving. This, he thought, was the way to appease a difficult woman. Now
Merteuil had to spend a few weeks at her country home to handle some business
there. She invited de Belleroche to join her for an extended stay, and he
happily agreed, remembering the new life an earlier stay there had brought to
their affair. Once again she surprised him: her affection and desire to please
him were rejuvenated. This time, though, he did not have to leave the next
morning. Days went by, and she refused to entertain any guests. The world would
not intrude on them. And this time there was no coldness or quarreling, only
good cheer and love. Yet now de Belleroche began to grow a little tired of the
marquise. He thought of Paris and the balls he was missing; a week later he cut
short his stay on some business pretext and hurried back to the city. Somehow
the marquise did not seem so charming anymore. Interpretation. The Marquise de
Merteuil, a character in Choderlos de La- clos's novel Dangerous Liaisons, is a
practiced seductress who never lets her affairs drag on too long. De Belleroche
is young and handsome but that is all. As her interest in him wanes, she
decides to bring him to the secret house to try to inject some novelty into the
affair. This works for a while, but it isn't enough. The chevalier must be
gotten rid of. She tries coldness, anger (hoping to start a fight), even a show
of interest in another man. All this only intensifies his attachment. She
can'tjust leave him-he might become vengeful, or try even harder to win her
back. The solution: she deliberately breaks the spell by overwhelming him with
attention. Abandoning the pattern of alternating warmth with coldness, she acts
hopelessly in love. Alone with her day after day, with no space to fantasize,
he no longer sees her as enchanting and breaks off the affair. This was her
goal all along. If a break with the victim is too messy or difficult (or you
lack the nerve), then do the next best thing: deliberately break the spell that
ties him or her to you. Aloofness or anger will only stir the other person s
insecurity, producing a clinging horror. Instead, try suffocating them with
love and attention: be clinging and possessive yourself, moon over the lover's
every action and character trait, create the sense that this monotonous
affection will soon wrinkles will furrow \ Your body; soon, too soon, your hair
turn gray. \ Then build an enduring mind, add that to your beauty: \ It alone
will last till the flames \ Consume you. Keep your wits sharp, explore the
liberal \Arts, win mastery over Greek \ As well as Latin. Ulysses was eloquent,
not handsome - \ Yet he filled sea-goddesses' hearts \ With aching passion. . .
. \ Nothing works on a mood like tactful tolerance: harshness \ Provokes
hatred, makes nasty rows. \ We detest the hawk and the wolf, those natural
hunters, \ Always preying on timid flocks; \ But the gentle swallow goes safe
from man's snares, we fashion \ Little turreted houses for doves. \ Keep clear
of all quarrels, sharp- tongued recriminations - \ Love's sensitive, needs to
be fed \ With gentle words. Leave nagging to wives and husbands, \ Let them, if
they want, think it a natural law, \A permanent state of feud. Wives thrive on
wrangling, \ That's their dowry. A mistress should always hear \ What she wants
to be told. . . . \ Use tender blandishments, language that caresses \ The ear,
make her glad you came. - OVID, THE ART OF LOVE, TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN In
Paris the band played a concert at the Palais Chaleux. They played the first
half, and then there was an hour interval - intermission, we call it - during
which there was a fabulous biffet on a great long table laden with delicious
foods and cognac, champagne, wine and that rarity in Paris . . .Scotch. The
people, aristocrats and servants, some on their hands and knees, were busily
searching for something on the floor. A duchess, who was one of the hostesses,
had lost one of her larger diamonds. . . . The duchess finally got bored seeing
people looking all over the floor for the ring. She looked around haughtily,
then took Duke by the arm, saying, "It doesn't mean anything. I can always
get diamonds, but how often can I get a man like Duke Ellington?" • She
disappeared with Duke. The band started the second half by themselves, and
eventually Duke smilingly reappeared to finish the concert. - DON GEORGE, SWEET
MAN: THE REAL DUKE ELLINGTON I do know, however, that men become bigger-hearted
and better lovers once they get the suspicion that their mistresses care less
about them. When a man believes himself to be the one and only lover in a
woman's life, he'll whistle and go his way. • / ought to know; I have followed
this profession for the last twenty years. If you want me to, I will tell you
what happened to me a few years ago. • At that time I had a steady lover, a
certain Demophantos, a usurer living near Poikile. He had never given me more
than five drachmas and he pretended to be my man. But his love was only
superficial, Chrysis. He never sighed, he never shed tears for me and he never
spentthenight waiting at go on forever. No more mystery, no more coquetry, no
more retreats--just endless love. Few can endure such a threat. A few weeks of
it and they will be gone. 2. King Charles II of England was a devoted
libertine. He kept a stable of lovers: there was always a favorite mistress
from the aristocracy, and countless other less important women. He craved
variety. One evening in 1668, the king spent an evening at the theater, where
he conceived a sudden desire for a young actress called Nell Gwyn. She was
pretty and innocent looking (only eighteen at the time), with a girlish glow in
her cheeks, but the lines she recited onstage were so impudent and saucy.
Deeply excited, the king decided he had to have her. After the performance he
took her out for a night of drinking and merriment, then led her to his royal
bed. Nell was the daughter of a fishmonger, and had begun by selling oranges in
the theater. She rose to the status of actress by sleeping with writers and
other theater men. She had no shame about this. (When a footman of hers got
into a fight with someone who said he worked for a whore, she broke it up by
saying, "I am a whore. Find something better to fight about.") Nell's
humor and sass amused the king greatly, but she was lowborn, and an actress,
and he could hardly make her a favorite. After several nights with
"pretty, witty Nell," he returned to his principal mistress, Louise
Keroualle, a well-born Frenchwoman. Keroualle was a clever seductress. She
played hard to get, and made it clear she would not give the king her virginity
until he had promised her a title. It was the kind of chase Charles enjoyed,
and he made her the Duchess of Portsmouth. But soon her greed and difficultness
began to wear on his nerves. To divert himself, he turned back to Nell.
Whenever he visited her, he was royally entertained with food, drink, and her
great good humor. The king was bored or melancholy? She took him drinking or
gambling, or out to the country, where she taught him to fish. She always had a
pleasant surprise up her sleeve. What he loved most of all was her wit, the way
she mocked the pretentious Keroualle. The duchess had the habit of going into
mourning whenever a nobleman of another country died, as if he were a relation.
Nell, too, would show up at the palace on these occasions dressed in black, and
would sorrowfully say that she was mourning for the "Cham of Tartary"
or the "Boog of Oronooko"-grand relatives of her own. To her face,
she called the duchess "Squintabella" and the "Weeping
Willow," because of her simpering manners and melancholic airs. Soon the
king was spending more time with Nell than with the duchess. By the time
Keroualle fell out of favor, Nell had in essence become the king's favorite,
which she remained until his death, in 1685. Interpretation. Nell Gwyn was
ambitious. She wanted power and fame, but in the seventeenth century the only
way a woman could get those Beware the Aftereffects • 421 things was through a
man-and who better than the king? But to get involved with Charles was a
dangerous game. A man like him, easily bored and in need of variety, would use
her for a fling, then find someone else. Nell's strategy for the problem was
simple: she let the king have his other girls, and never complained. Every time
he saw her, though, she made sure he was entertained and diverted. She filled
his senses with pleasure, acting as if his position had nothing to do with her
love for him. Variety in women could wear on the nerves, tiring a busy king.
They all made so many demands. If one woman could provide the same variety (and
Nell, as an actress, knew how to play different roles), she had a big
advantage. Nell never asked for money, so Charles plied her with wealth. She
never asked to be the favorite-how could she? She was a commoner-but he
elevated her to the position. Many of your targets will be like kings and
queens, particularly those who are easily bored. Once the seduction is over
they will notonlyhavetrouble idealizing you, they may also turn to another man
or woman whose unfamiliarity seems exciting and poetic. Needing other people to
divert them, they often satisfy this need through variety. Do not play into the
hands of these bored royals by complaining, becoming self-pitying, or demanding
privileges. That would only further their natural disenchantment once the
seduction is over. Instead, make them see that you are not the person they
thought you were. Make it a delightful game to play new roles, to surprise
them, to be an endless source of entertainment. It is almost impossible to
resist a person who provides pleasure with no strings attached. When they are
with you, keep the spirit light and playful. Play up the parts of your
character they find delightful, but never let them feel they know you too well.
In the end you will control the dynamic, and a haughty king or queen will
become your abject slave. my door. One day he came to see me, knocked at my
door, but I did not open it. You see, 1 had the painter, Callides, in my room;
Collides had given me ten drachmas. Demophantos swore and beat his fists on the
door and left cursing me. Several days passed without my sendingfor him;
Callides was still in my house. Thereupon Demophantos, who was already quite
excited, went wild. He broke open my door,wept, pulled me about, threatened to
kill me, tore my tunic, and did everything, in fact, that a jealous man would
do, and finally presented me with six thousand drachmas. In consideration of
this sum, I was his for a period of eight months. His wife used to say that I
had bewitched him with some powder. That bewitching powder, to be sure, was
jealousy. That is why, Chrysis, I advise you to act likewise with Corgi as.
-LUCIAN, DIALOGUES OF THE COURTESANS. TRANSLATED BY A.L.H. 3. When the greatjazz
composer Duke Ellington came to town, he and his band were always a big
attraction, but especially so for the ladies of the area. They came to hear his
music, of course, but once there they were mesmerized by "the Duke"
himself. Onstage, Ellington was relaxed and elegant, and seemed to be having
such a good time. His face was very handsome, and his bedroom eyes were
infamous. (He slept very little, and his eyes had permanent pouches under
them.) After the performance, some woman would inevitably invite him to her
table, another would sneak into his dressing room, yet another would approach
him on his way out. Duke made a point of being accessible, and when he kissed a
woman's hand, his eyes and hers would meet for a moment. Sometimes she would
signal an interest in him, and his glance in return would say he was more than
ready. Sometimes his eyes were the first to speak; few women could resist that
look, even the most happily married. With the night's music still ringing in
her ears, the woman would show up at Ellington's hotel room. He would be
dressed in a stylish suit-he "A wife is someone on whom one gazes all
one's life; yet it is just as well if she be not beautiful"-so spake Jinta
of the Gion. IH is may be the flippant saying of a go-between, but it is not to
be dismissed too lightly. . . . Besides, it is with beautiful women as with
beautiful views: if one is forever looking at them, one soon tires of their
charm. This I can judge from my own experience. One year I went to Matsushima,
and, though at first I was moved by the beauty of the place and clapped my
hands with 422 admiration, saying to myself, "Oh, if only I could bring
some poet here to show him this great wonder!" - yet, after I had been
gazing at the scene from morning until night, the myriad islands began to smell
unpleasantly of seaweed, the waves that beat on Matsuyama Point became
obstreperous; before I knew it I had let all the cherry blossoms at Shiogama
scatter; in the morning I overslept and missed the dawn snow on Mount Kinka;
nor was I much impressed by the evening moon at Nagane or Oshima; and in the
end I picked up a few white and blackpebbles on the cove and became engrossed
in a game of Six Musashi with some children. -IHARA SAIKAKU, THE UFE OF AN
AMOROUS WOMAN. TRANSLATED BY IVAN MORRIS Men despise women who love too much
and unwisely. -LUCIAN, DIALOGUES OF THE COURTESANS. TRANSLATE DBYA.L.H. I shall
endeavor briefly to outline to you how a love when gained can be deepened. They
say it can be increased in particular by making it an infrequent and difficult
business for lovers to set eyes on each other, for the greater the difficulty
of offering and receiving shared consolations, the greater become the
desirefor, and feeling of love. Love also grows if one of the lovers shows
anger to the other, for a lover is at once sorely afraid that a partner's loved
good clothes-and the room would be full of flowers; there would be a piano in
the corner. He would play some music. His playing, and his elegant, nonchalant
manner, would come across to the woman as pure theater, a pleasant continuation
of the performance she had just witnessed. And when it was over, and Ellington
had to leave town, he would give her a thoughtful gift. He would make it seem
that the only thing taking him away from her was his touring. A few weeks
later, the woman might hear a new Ellington song on the radio, with lyrics
suggesting that she had inspired it. If ever he passed through the area again,
she would find a way to be there, and Ellington would often renew the affair,
if only for a night. Sometime in the 1940s, two young women from Alabama came
to Chicago to attend a debutante ball. Ellington and his band were the
entertainment. He was the women's favorite musician, and after the show, they
asked him for an autograph. He was so charming and engaging that one of the
girls found herself asking what hotel he was staying at. He told them, with a
big grin. The girls switched hotels, and later that day they called up
Ellington and invited him to their room for a drink. He accepted. They wore
beautiful negligees that they had just bought. When Ellington arrived, he acted
completely naturally, as if the warm greeting they gave him were completely
usual. The three of them ended up in the bedroom, when one of the young women
had an idea: her mother adored Ellington. She had to call her now and put
Ellington on the phone. Not at all put out by the suggestion, Ellington played
along. For several minutes he talked to the mother on the telephone, lavishing
her with compliments on the charming daughter she had raised, and telling her
not to worry-he was taking good care of the girl. The daughter got back on the
phone and said, "We're fine because we're withMr.Ellington and he's such a
perfect gentleman." As soon as she hung up, the three of them resumed the
naughtiness they had started. To the two girls, it later seemed an innocent but
unforgettable night of pleasure. Sometimes several of these far-flung
mistresses would show up at the same concert. Ellington would go up and kiss
each of them four times (a habit of his designed for just this dilemma). And
each of the ladies would assume she was the one with whom the kisses really
mattered. Interpretation. Duke Ellington had two passions: music and women. The
two were interrelated. His endless affairs were a constant inspiration for his
music; he also treated them as if they were theater, a work of art in
themselves. When it came time to separate, he always managed it with a
theatrical touch. A clever remark and a gift would make it seem that for him
the affair was hardly over. Song lyrics referring to their night together would
keep up the aesthetic atmosphere long after he had left town. No wonder women
kept coming back for more. This was not a sexual affair, a tawdry one-nighter,
but a heightened moment in the woman's life. And his carefree attitude made it
impossible to feel guilty; thoughts of one's mother or Beware the Aftereffects
• 423 husband would not spoil the illusion. Ellington was never defensive or
apologetic abouthis appetite for women; it was his nature and never the fault
of the woman that he was unfaithful. And if he could not help his desires, how
could she hold him responsible? It was impossible to hold a grudge against such
a man or complain about his behavior. Ellington was an Aesthetic Rake, a type
whose obsession with women can only be satisfied by endless variety. A normal
man's tomcatting will eventually land him in hot water, but the Aesthetic Rake
rarely stirs up ugly emotions. After he seduces a woman, there is neither an
integration nor a sacrifice. He keeps them hanging and hoping. The spell is not
broken thenext day, because the Aesthetic Rake makes the separation a pleasant,
even elegant experience. The spell Ellington cast on a woman never went away.
The lesson is simple; keep the moments after the seduction and the separation
in the same key as before, heightened, aesthetic, and pleasant. If you do not
act guilty for your feckless behavior, it is hard for the other person to feel
angry or resentful. Seduction is a lighthearted game, in which you invest all
of your energy in the moment. The separation should be lighthearted and stylish
as well: it is work, travel, some dreaded responsibility that calls you away.
Create a memorable experience and then move on, and your victim will most
likely remember the delightful seduction, nottheseparation. You will have made
no enemies, and will have a lifelong harem of lovers to whom you can always
return when you feel so inclined. 4 . In 1899, twenty-year-old Baroness Frieda
von Richthofen married an Englishman named Ernest Weekley, a professor at the
University of Nottingham, and soon settled into the role of the professor's
wife. Weekley treated her well, but she grew bored with their quiet life and
his tepid love- making. On trips home to Germany she had a few love affairs,
but this wasn't what she wanted either, and so she returned to being faithful
and caring for their three children. One day in 1912, a former student of
Weekley's, David Herbert Lawrence, paid a visit to the couple's house. A
struggling writer, Lawrence wanted the professor's professional advice. He was
not home yet so Frieda entertained him. She had never met such an intense young
man. He talked of his impoverished youth, his inability to understand women.
And he listened attentively to her own complaints. He even scolded her for the
bad tea she had made him-somehow, even though she was a baroness, this excited
her. Lawrence returned for later visits, but now to see Frieda, not Weekley.
One day he confessed to her that he had fallen deeply in love with her. She
admitted to similar feelings, and proposed they find a
trystingspot.InsteadLawrence had a proposal of his own: Leave your husband
tomorrow-leave him for me. What about the children? Frieda asked. If the
children aremore important than our love, Lawrence replied, then stay with
them. But if you don't run away with me within a few days, you will never see
mewrath when roused may harden indefinitely. Love again experiences increase
when genuine jealousy preoccupies one of the lovers, for jealousy is called the
nurturer of love. In fact even if the lover is oppressed not by genuine
jealousy but by base suspicion, love always increases because of it, and
becomes more powerful by its own strength. -ANDREAS CAPELLANUS ON LOVE,
TRANSLATED BY P. G. WALSH You've seen the fire that smolders \ Down to nothing,
grows a crown of pale ash \ Over its hidden embers (yet a sprinkling of sulphur
\ Will suffice to rekindle the flame)? \ So with the heart. It grows torpidfrom
lack of worry, \ Needs a sharp stimulus to elicit love. \ Get her anxious about
you, reheat her tepid passions, \ Tell her your guilty secrets, watch her
blanch. \ Thrice fortunate that man, lucky past calculation, \ Who can make
some poor injured girl \ Torture herself over him, lose voice, go pale, pass
out when \ The unwelcome news reaches her. Ah, may I \ Be the one whose hair
she tears out in her fury, the one whose \ Soft cheeks she rips with her nails,
\ Whom she sees, eyes glaring, through a rain of tears; without whom, \ Try as
she will, she cannot live! \ How long (you may ask) should you leave her
lamenting her wrong? A little \ While only, lest rage gather strength \ Through
procrastination. By then you should have her sobbing \ All over your chest,
your arms tight around her neck. \ You want peace? Give her kisses, make love
to the girl while she's crying - \ That's the only way to melt her angry mood.
- OVID, THE ART OF LOVE. TRANSLATED BY PETER GREEN again. To Frieda the choice
was horrific. She did not care at all about her husband, but the children were
what she lived for. Even so, a few days later, she succumbed to Lawrence's
proposal. How could she resist a man who was willing to ask for so much, to
take such a gamble? If she refused she would always wonder, for such a man only
passes once through your life. The couple left England and headed for Germany.
Frieda would mention sometimes how much she missed her children, but Lawrence
had no patience with her: You are free to go back to them at any moment, he
would say, but if you stay, don't look back. He took her on an arduous
mountaineering trip in the Alps. A baroness, she had never experienced such
hardship, but Lawrence was firm: if two people are in love, why should comfort matter?
In 1914, Frieda and Lawrence were married, but over the following years the
same pattern repeated. He would scold her for her laziness, the nostalgia for
her children, her abysmal housekeeping. He would take her on trips around the
world, on very little money, never letting her settle down, although it was her
fondest wish. They fought and fought. Once in New Mexico, in front of friends,
he yelled at her, "Take that dirty cigarette out of your mouth! And stop
sticking out that fat belly of yours!" "You'd better stop that talk
or I'll tell about your things," she yelled back. (She had learned to give
him a taste of his own medicine.) They both went outside. Their friends
watched, worried it might turn violent. They disappeared from sight only to
reappear moments later, arm in arm, laughing and mooning over one another. That
was the most disconcerting thing about the Lawrences: married for years, they
often behaved like infatuated newlyweds. Interpretation. When Lawrence first
met Frieda, he could sense right away what herweaknesswas: she felt trapped, in
a stultifying relationship and a pampered life. Her husband, like so many
husbands, was kind, but never paid enough attention to her. She craved drama
and adventure, but was too lazy to get it on her own. Drama and adventure were
just what Lawrence would provide. Instead of feeling trapped, she had the
freedom to leave him at any moment. Instead of ignoring her, he criticized her
constantly- at least he was paying attention, never taking her for granted.
Instead of comfort and boredom, he gave her adventure and romance. The fights
he picked with ritualistic frequency also ensured nonstop drama and the space
for a powerful reconciliation. He inspired a touch of fear in her, which kept
her off balance, never quite sure of him. As a result, the relationship never
grew stale. It kept renewing itself. If it is integration you are after,
seduction must never stop. Otherwise boredom will creep in. And the best way to
keep the process going is often to inject intermittent drama. This can be
painful-opening old wounds, stirring up jealousy, withdrawing a little. (Do not
confuse this behavior with nagging or carping criticism-this pain is strategic,
designed to break up rigid patterns.) On the other hand it can also be
pleasant: think about Beware the Aftereffects • 425 proving yourself all over
again, paying attention to nice little details, creating new temptations. In
fact you should mix the two aspects, for too much pain or pleasure will not
prove seductive. You are not repeating the first seduction, for the target has
already surrendered. You are simply supplying little jolts, little wake-up
calls that show two things: you have not stopped trying, and they cannot take
you for granted. The little jolt will stir up the old poison, stoke the embers,
bring you temporarily back to the beginning, when your involvement had a most
pleasant freshness and tension. Remember: comfort and security are the death of
seduction. A shared journey with a little bit of hardship will do more to
create a deep bond than will expensive gifts and luxuries. The young are right
to not care about comfort in matters of love, and when you return to that
sentiment, a youthful spark will reignite. 5. In 1652, the famous French
courtesan Ninon de l'Enclos met and fell in love with the Marquis de
Villarceaux. Ninon was a libertine; philosophy and pleasure were more important
to her than love. But the marquis inspired new sensations: he was so bold, so
impetuous, that for once in her life she let herself lose a little control. The
marquis was possessive, a trait she normally abhorred. But in him it seemed
natural, almost charming: he simply could not help himself. And so Ninon
accepted his conditions: there were to be no other men in her life. For her part
she told him that she would accept no money or gifts from him. This was to be
about love, nothing else. She rented a house opposite his in Paris, and they
saw each other daily. One afternoon the marquis suddenly burst in and accused
her of having another lover. His suspicions were unfounded, his accusations
absurd, and she told him so. This did not satisfy him, and he stormed out. The
next day Ninon received news that he had fallen quite ill. She was deeply
concerned. As a desperate recourse, a sign of her love and submission, she
decided to cut off her beautiful long hair, for which she was famous, and send
it to him. The gesture worked, the marquis recovered, and they resumed their
affair still more passionately. Friends and former lovers complained of her
sudden transformation into the devoted woman, but she did not care- she was
happy. Now Ninon suggested that they go away together. The marquis, a married
man, could not take her to his chateau, but a friend offered his own in the
country as a refuge for the lovers. Weeks became months, and their little stay
turned into a prolonged honeymoon. Slowly, though, Ninon had the feeling that
something was wrong: the marquis was acting more like a husband. Although he
was as passionate as before, he seemed so confident, as if he had certain
rights and privileges that no other man could expect. The possessiveness that
once had charmed her began to seem oppressive. Nor did he stimulate her mind.
She could get other men, and equally handsome ones, to satisfy her physically
without all that jealousy. 426 • The Art of Seduction Once this realization set
in, Ninon wasted no time. She told the marquis that she was returning to Paris,
and that it was over for good. He begged and pleaded his case with much
emotion-how could she be so heartless? Although moved, Ninon was firm.
Explanations would only make it worse. She returned to Paris and resumed the
life of a courtesan. Her abrupt departure apparently shook up the marquis, but
apparently not too badly, for a few months later word reached her that he had
fallen in love with another woman. Interpretation. A woman often spends months
pondering the subtle changes in her lover's behavior. She might complain or
grow angry; she might even blame herself. Under the weight of her complaints,
the man may change for a while, but an ugly dynamic and endless
misunderstandings will ensue. What is the point of all of this? Once you are
disenchanted it is really too late. Ninon could have tried to figure out what
had disenchanted her-the good looks that now bored her, the lack ofmental
stimulation, the feeling of being taken for granted. But why waste time
figuring it out? The spell was broken, so she moved on. She did not bother to
explain, to worry about de Villarceaux's feelings, to make it all soft and easy
for him. She simply left. The person who seems so considerate of the other, who
tries to mend things or make excuses, is reallyjust timid. Being kind in such
matters can be rather cruel. The marquis was able to blame everything on his
mistress's heartless, fickle nature. His vanity and pride intact, he could
easily move on to another affair and put her behind him. Not only does the
long, lingering death of a relationship cause your partner needless pain, it
will have long-term consequences for you as well, making you more skittish in
the future, and weighing you down with guilt. Never feel guilty, even if you
were both the seducer and the one who now feels disenchanted. It is not your
fault. Nothing can last forever. You have created pleasure for your victims,
stirring them out of their rut. If you make a clean quick break, in the long
run they will appreciate it. The more you apologize, the more you insult their
pride, stirring up negative feelings that will reverberate for years. Spare
them the disingenuous explanations that only complicate matters. The victim
should be sacrificed, not tortured. 6. After fifteen years under the rule of
Napoleon Bonaparte, the French were exhausted. Too many wars, too much drama.
When Napoleon was defeated in 1814, and was imprisoned on the island of Elba,
the French were more than ready for peace and quiet. The Bourbons-the royal
family deposed by the revolution of 1789-returned to power. The king was Louis
XVIII; he was fat, boring, and pompous, but at least there would be peace.
Then, in February of 1815, news reached France of Napoleon's dramatic escape
from Elba, with seven small ships and a thousand men. He Beware the
Aftereffects • 427 could head for America, start all over, but instead he was
just crazy enough to land at Cannes. What was he thinking? A thousand men
against all the armies of France? He set off toward Grenoble with his ragtag
army. One at least had to admire his courage, his insatiable love of glory and
of France. Then, too, the French peasantry were spellbound at the sight of
their former emperor. This man, after all, had redistributed a great deal of
land to them, which the new king was trying to take back. They swooned at the
sight of his famous eagle standards, revivals of symbols from the revolution.
They left their fields and joined his march. Outside Grenoble, the first of the
troops that the king sent to stop Napoleon caught up with him. Napoleon
dismounted and walked on foot toward them. "Soldiers of the Fifth Army
Corps!" he cried out. "Don't you know me? If there is one among you
who wishes to kill his emperor, let him come forward and do so. Here I
am!" He threw open his gray cloak, inviting them to take aim. There was a
moment of silence, and then, from all sides, cries rang out of "Vive
l'Empereur!" In one stroke, Napoleon's army had doubled in size. The march
continued. More soldiers, remembering the glory he had given them, changed
sides. The city of Lyons fell without a battle. Generals with larger armies were
dispatched to stop him, but the sight of Napoleon at the head of his troops was
an overwhelmingly emotional experience for them, and they switched allegiance.
King Louis fled France, abdicating in the process. On March 20, Napoleon
reentered Paris and returned to the palace he had left only thirteen months
before-all without having had to fire a single shot. The peasantry and the
soldiers had embraced Napoleon, but Parisians were less enthusiastic,
particularly those who had served in his government. They feared the storms he
would bring. Napoleon ruled the country for one hundred days, until the allies
and his enemies from within defeated him. This time he was shipped off to the
remote island of St. Helena, where he was to die. Interpretation. Napoleon
always thought of France, and his army, as a target to be wooed and seduced. As
General de Segur wrote of Napoleon: "In moments of sublime power, he no
longer commands like a man, but seduces like a woman." In the case of his
escape from Elba, he planned a bold, surprising gesture that would titillate a
bored nation. He began his return to France among the people who would be most
receptive to him: the peasantry who had revered him. He revived the symbols-the
revolutionary colors, the eagle standards-that would stir up the old
sentiments. He placed himself at the head of his army, daring his former
soldiers to fire on him. The march on Paris that brought him back to power was
pure theater, calculated for emotional effect every step of the way. What a
contrast this former amour presented to the dolt of a king who now ruled them.
Napoleon's second seduction of France was not a classical seduction, following
the usual steps, but a re-seduction. It was built on old emotions The Art of
Seduction and revived an old love. Once you have seduced a person (or a nation)
there is almost always a lull, a slight letdown, which sometimes leads to a
separation; it is surprisingly easy, though, to re-seduce the same target. The
old feelings never go away, they lie dormant, and in a flash you can take your
target by surprise. It is a rarepleasuretobe able to relive the past, and one's
youth-to feel the old emotions. Like Napoleon, add a dramatic flair to your
re-seduction: revive the old images, the symbols, the expressions that will
stir memory. Like the French, your targets will tend to forget the ugliness of
the separation and will remember only the good things. You should make this
second seduction bold and quick, giving your targets no time to reflect or
wonder. Like Napoleon, play on the contrast to their current lover, making his
or her behavior seem timid and stodgy by comparison. Not everyone will be
receptive to a re-seduction, and some moments will be inappropriate. When
Napoleon came back from Elba, the Parisians were too sophisticated for him, and
could see right through him. Unlike the peasants of the South, they already
knew him well; and his reentry came too soon, they were too worn out by him. If
you want to re-seduce someone, choose one who does not know you so well, whose
memories of you are cleaner, who is less suspicious by nature, and who is
dissatisfied with present circumstances. Also, you might want to let some time
pass. Time will restore your luster and make your faults fade away. Never see a
separation or sacrifice as final. With a little drama and planning, a victim
can be retaken in no time. Symbol: Embers, the remains of the fire on
themorning after. Left to themselves, the embers will slowly die out. Do not
leave the fire to chance and to the elements. To put it out, douse it,
suffocate it, give it nothing to feed on. To bring it back to life, fan it,
stoke it, until it blazes anew. Only your constant attention and vigilance will
keep it burning. Beware the Aftereffects • 429 Reversal T o keep a person
enchanted, you will have to re-seduce them constantly. But you can allow a
little familiarity to creep in. The target wants to feel that he or she is
getting to know you. Too much mystery will create doubt. It will also be tiring
for you, who will have to sustain it. The point is not to remain completely
unfamiliar but rather, on occasion, to jolt victims out of their complacency,
surprising them as you surprised them in the past. Do this right and they will
have the delightful feeling that they are constantly getting to know more about
you-but never too much. Appendix A Seductive Environment/Seductive Time In
seduction, your victims must slowly come to feel an inner change. Under your
influence, they lower their defenses, feeling free to act differently, to be a
different person. Certain places, environments, and experiences will greatly
aid you in your quest to change and transform the seduced. Spaces with a
theatrical, heightened quality - opulence, glittering surfaces, a playful
spirit-create a buoyant, childlike feeling that make it hard for the victim to
think straight. The creation of an altered sense of time has a similar effect -
memorable, dizzying moments that stand out, a mood of festival and play. You
must make your victims feel that being with you gives them a different
experience from being in the real world. Festival Time and Place C enturies
ago, life in most cultures was filled with work and routine. But at certain
moments in the year, this life was interrupted by festival. During these
festivals-saturnalias of ancient Rome, the maypole festivals of Europe, the
great potlatches of the Chinook Indians-work in the fields or marketplace
stopped. The entire tribe or town gathered in a sacred space set apart for the
festival. Temporarily relieved of duty and responsibility, people were granted
license to run amok; they would wear masks or costumes, which gave them other
identities, sometimes those of powerful figures reenacting the great myths of
their culture. The festival was a tremendous release from the burdens of daily
life. It altered people's sense of time, bringing moments in which they stepped
outside of themselves. Time seemed to stand still. Something like this
experience can still be found in the world's great surviving carnivals. The
festival represented a break in a person's daily life, aradicallydifferent
experience from routine. On a more intimate level, that is how you must
envision your seductions. As the process advances, your targets experience a
radical difference from daily life-a freedom from work or responsibility.
Plunged into pleasure and play, they can act differently, can become someone
else, as if they were wearing a mask. The time you spend with them is devoted
to them and nothing else. Instead of the usual rotation of work and rest, you
are giving them grand, dramatic moments that stand out. You bring them to
places unlike the places they see in daily life- heightened, theatrical places.
Physical environment strongly affects people's moods; a place dedicated to
pleasure and play insinuates thoughts of pleasure and play. When your victims
return to their duties and to the real world, they feel the contrast strongly
and they will start to crave that other place into which you have drawn them.
What you are essentially creating is festival time and place, moments when the
real world stops and fantasy takes over. Our culture no longer supplies such
experiences, and people yearn for them. That is why almost everyone is waiting
to be seduced and why they will fall into your arms if you play this right. The
following are key components to reproducing festival time and place; Create
theatrical effects. Theater creates a sense of a separate, magical world. The
actors' makeup, the fake but alluring sets, the slightly unreal costumes-these
heightened visuals, along with the story of the play, create illusion. To
produce this effect in real life, you must fashion your clothes, makeup, and
attitude to have a playful, artificial, edge-a feeling that you have dressed
for the pleasure of your audience. This is the goddesslike effect of a Marlene
Dietrich, or the fascinating effect of a dandy like Beau Brum- mel. Your
encounters with your targets should also have a sense of drama, achieved
through the settings you choose and through your actions. The target should not
know what will happen next. Create suspense through twists and turns that lead
to the happy ending; you are performing. Whenever your targets meet you, they
are returned to this vague feeling of being in a play. You both have the thrill
of wearing masks, of playing a different role from the one your life has
allotted you. Use the visual language ofpleasure. Certain kinds of visual
stimuli signal that you are not in the real world. You want to avoid images
that have depth, which might provoke thought, or guilt; instead, you should
work in environments that are all surface, full of glittering objects, mirrors,
pools of water, a constant play of light. The sensory overload of these spaces
creates an intoxicating, buoyant feeling. The more artificial, the better. Show
your targets a playful world, full of the sights and sounds that excite the
baby or child within them. Luxury-the sense that money has been spent or even
wasted-adds to the feeling that the real world of duty and morality has been
banished. Call it the brothel effect. Keep it crowded or close. People crowding
together raise the psychological temperature to hothouse levels. Festivals and
carnivals depend on the contagious feeling a crowd creates. Bring your target
to such environments sometimes, to lower their normal defensiveness. Similarly,
any kind of situation that brings people together in a small space for a long
period of time is extremely conducive to seduction. For years, Sigmund Freud
had a small, tight-knit stable of disciples who attended his private lectures
and who engaged in an astonishing number of love affairs. Either lead the
seduced into a crowded, festivallike environment or go trolling for targets in
a closed world. Manufacture mystical effects. Spiritual or mystical effects
distract people's minds from reality, making them feel elevated and euphoric.
From here it is but a small step to physical pleasure. Use whatever props are
at hand- astrology books, angelic imagery, mystical-sounding music from some
far- off culture. The great eighteenth-century Austrian charlatan Franz Mesmer
filled his salons with harp music, the perfume of exotic incense, and a female
voice singing in a distant room. On the walls he put stained glass and mirrors.
His dupes would feel relaxed, uplifted, and as they sat in the room where he
used magnets for their healing powers, they would feel a kind of spiritual
tingling pass from body to body. Anything vaguely mystical helps block out the
real world, and it is easy to move from the spiritual to the sexual. Distort
their sense of time-speed and youth. Festival time has a kind of speed and
frenzy that make people feel more alive. Seduction should make the heart beat
faster, so that the seduced loses track of time passing. Take them to places of
constant activity and movement. Embark with them on some kind of journey
together, distracting their minds with new sights. Youth may fade and
disappear, but seduction brings the feeling of being young, no matter the age
of those involved. And youth is mostly energy. The pace of the seduction must
pick up at a certain moment, creating a whirling effect in the mind. It is no
wonder that Casanova did much of his seducing at balls, or that the waltz was
the preferred tool of many a nineteenth-century rake. Create moments. Everyday
life is a drudgery in which the same actions endlessly repeat. The festival, on
the other hand, we remember as a moment when everything was transformed-when a
little bit of eternity and myth entered our lives. Your seduction must have
such peaks, moments when something dramatic happens and time is experienced
differently. You must give your targets such moments, whether by staging the
seduction in a place-a carnival, a theater-where they naturally occur or by
creating them yourself, with dramatic actions that stir up strong emotions.
Those moments should be pure leisure and pleasure-no thoughts of work or
morality can intrude. Madame de Pompadour, the mistress of King Louis XV, had
to re-seduce her easily bored lover every few months; intensely creative, she
devised parties, balls, games, a little theater at Versailles. The seduced
revels in affairs like this, sensing the effort you have expended to divert and
enchant them. Scenes from Seductive Time and Place 1. Around the year 1710, a
young man whose father was a prosperous wine dealer in Osaka, Japan, found
himself daydreaming more and more. He worked night and day for his father, and
the burden of family life and all of its duties was oppressive. Like every
young man, he had heard of the pleasure districts of the city-the quarters
where the normally strict laws of the shogunate could be violated. It was here
that you would find the ukiyo, the "floating world"
oftransientpleasures, a place where actors and courte-sans ruled. This was what
the young man was daydreaming about. Biding his time, he managed to find an
evening when he could slip out unnoticed. He headed straight for the pleasure
quarters. This was a cluster of buildings-restaurants, exclusive clubs,
teahouses-that stood out from the rest of the city by their magnificence and
color. The moment the young man stepped into it, he knew he was in a different
world. Actors wandered the streets in elaborately dyed kimonos. They had such
manners and attitudes, as if they were still on stage. The streets bustled with
energy; the pace was fast. Bright lanterns stood out against the night, as did
the colorful posters for the nearby kabuki theater. The women had a completely
different air about them. They stared at him brazenly, acting with the freedom
of a man. He caught sight of an onmgata, one of the men who played female roles
in the theater-a man more beautiful than most women he had seen and whom the
passersby treated like royalty. The young man saw other young men like himself
entering a teahouse, so he followed them in. Here the highest class of
courtesans, the great tayus, plied their trade. A few minutes after the young
man sat down, he heard a noise and bustle, and down the stairs came a few of
the tayus, followed by musicians and jesters.The women's eyebrows were shaved,
replaced by a thick black painted line. Their hair was swept up in a perfect
fold, and he had never seen such beautiful kimonos. The tayus seemed to float
across the floor, using different kinds of steps (suggestive, creeping,
cautious, etc.), depending on whom they were approaching and what they wanted
to communicate to him. They ignored the young man; he had no idea how to invite
them over, but he noticed that some of the older men had a way of bantering
with them that was a language all its own. The wine began to flow, music was
played, and finally some lower-level courtesans came in. By then the young
man's tongue was loosened. These courtesans were much friendlier and the young
man began to lose all track of time. Later he managed to stagger home, and only
the next morning did he realize how much money he had spent. If father ever
found out . . . Yet a few weeks later he was back. Like hundreds of such sons
in Japan whose stories filled the literature of the period, he was on the path
toward squandering his father's wealth on the "floating world."
Seduction is another world into which you initiate your victims. Like the
ukiyo, it depends on a strict separation from the day-to-day world. When your
victims are in your presence, the outside world-with its morality, its
codes,itsresponsibilitiesis banished. Anything is allowed, particularly
anything normally repressed. The conversation is lighter and more suggestive.
Clothes and places have a touch of theatricality. The license exists to act
differently, to be someone else, without any heaviness or judging. It is a kind
of concentrated psychological "floating world" that you create for
the others, and it becomes addictive. When they leave you and return to their
routines, they are doubly aware of what they are missing. The moment they crave
the atmosphere you have created, the seduction is complete. As in the floating
world, money is to be wasted. Generosity and luxury go hand in hand with a
seductive environment. 2. It began in the early 1960s: people would come to
Andy Warhol's New York studio, soak up the atmosphere, and stay awhile. Then in
1963, the artist moved into a new Manhattan space and a member of his entourage
covered some of the walls and pillars in tin foil and spray-painted a brick
wall and other things silver. A red quilted couch in the center, some five-
foot-high plastic candy bars, a turntable that glittered with tiny mirrors, and
helium-filled silver pillows that floated in the air completed the set. Now the
L-shaped space became known as The Factory, and a scene began to develop. More
and more people started showing up-why not just leave the door open, Andy
reasoned, and come what may. During the day, while Andy would work on his
paintings and films, people would gather-actors, hustlers, drug dealers, other
artists. And the elevator would keep groaning all night as the beautiful people
began to make the place their home. Here might be Montgomery Clift, nursing a
drink by himself; over there, a beautiful young socialite chatting with a drag
queen and a museum curator. They kept pouring in, all of them young and
glamorously dressed. It was like one of those children's shows on TV, Andy once
said to a friend, where guests keep dropping in on the endless party and there's
always some new bit of entertainment. And that was indeed what it seemed
like-with nothing serious happening, just lots of talk and flirting and
flashbulbs popping and endless posing, as if everyone were in a film. The
museum curator would begin to giggle like a teenager and the socialite would
flounce about like a hooker. By midnight everyone would be packed together. You
could hardly move. The band would arrive, the light show would begin, and it
would all careen in a new direction, wilder and wilder. Somehow the crowd would
disperse at some point, then in the afternoon it would all start up again as
the entourage trickled back. Hardly anyone went to The Factory just once. It is
oppressivealways to have to act the same way, playing the same boring role that
work or duty imposes on you. People yearn for a place or a moment when they can
wear a mask, act differently, be someone else. That is why we glorify actors;
they have the freedom and playfulness in relation to their own ego that we
would love to have. Any environment that offers a chance to play a different
role, to be an actor, is immensely seductive. It can be an environment that you
create, like The Factory. Or a place where you take your target. In such
environments you simply cannot be defensive; the playful atmosphere, the sense
that anything is allowed (except seriousness), dispels any kind of
reactiveness. Being in such a place becomes a drug. To re-create the effect,
remember Warhol's metaphor of the children's TV show. Keep everything light and
playful, full of distractions, noise, color, and a bit of chaos. No weight,
responsibilities, or judgments. A place to lose yourself in. 3. In 1746, a
seventeen-year-old girl named Cristina had come to the city of Venice, Italy,
with her uncle, a priest, in search of a husband. Cristina was from a small
village but had a substantial dowry to offer. The Venetian men who were willing
to marry her, however, did not please her. So after two weeks of futile
searching, she and her uncle prepared to return to their village. Theywere
seated in their gondola, about to leave the city, when Cristina saw an
elegantly dressed young man walking toward them. "There's a handsome
fellow!" she said to her uncle. "I wish he was in the boat with
us." The gentleman could not have heard this, yet he approached, handed
the gondolier some money, and sat down beside Cristina, much to her delight. He
introduced himself as Jacques Casanova. When the priest complimented him on his
friendly manners, Casanova replied, "Perhaps I should not have been so
friendly, my reverend father, if I had not been attracted by the beauty of your
niece." Cristina told him why they had come to Venice and why they were
leaving. Casanova laughed and chided her-a man cannot decide to marry a girl after
seeing her for a few days. He must know more about her character; it would take
at least six months. He himself was looking for a wife, and he explained to her
why he had been as disappointed by the girls he had met as she had been
disappointed by the men. Casanova seemed to have no destination; he simply
accompanied them, entertaining Cristina the whole way with witty conversation.
When the gondola arrived at the edge of Venice, Casanova hired a carriage to
the nearby city of Treviso and invited them to join him. From there they could
catch a chaise to their village. The uncleaccepted, and on the way to their
carriage, Casanova offered his arm to Cristina. What would his mistress say if
she saw them, she asked. "I have no mistress," he answered, "and
I shall never have one again, for I shall never find such a pretty girl as
you-no, not in Venice." His words went to her head, filling it with all
kinds of strange thoughts, and she began to talk and act in a manner that was
new to her, becoming almost brazen. What a pity she could not stay in Venice
for the six months he needed to get to know a girl, she told Casanova. Without
hesitation he offered to pay her expenses in Venice for that period while he
courted her. On the carriage ride she turned this offer over in her mind, and
once in Treviso she got her uncle alone and begged him to return to the village
by himself, then come back for her in a few days. She was in love with
Casanova; she wanted to know him better; he was a perfect gentleman, who could
be trusted. The uncle agreed to do as she wished. The following day Casanova
never left her side. There was not the slightest hint of disagreement in his
nature. They spent the day wandering around the city, shopping and talking. He
took her to a play in the evening and to the casino after that, supplying her
with a domino and a mask. He gave her money to gamble and she won. By the time
the uncle returned to Treviso, she had all but forgotten about her marriage
plans-all she could think of was the six months she would spend with Casanova.
But she returned to her village with her uncle and waited for Casanova to visit
her. He showed up a few weeks later, bringing with him a handsome young man
named Charles. Alone with Cristina, Casanova explained the situation: Charles
was the most eligible bachelor in Venice, a man who would make a much better
husband than he would. Cristina admitted to Casanova that she too had had her
doubts. He was too exciting, had made her think of other things besides
marriage, things she was ashamed of. Perhaps it was for the better. She thanked
him for taking such pains to find her a husband. Over the next few days Charles
courted her, and they were married several weeks later. The fantasy and allure
of Casanova, however, remained in her mind forever. Casanova could not marry-it
was against everything in his nature. But it was also against his nature to
force himself on a young girl. Better to leave her with the perfect fantasy
image than to ruin her life. Besides, he enjoyed the courting and flirting more
than anything else. Casanova supplied a young woman with the ultimate fantasy.
While he was in her orbit he devoted every moment to her. He never mentioned
work, allowing no boring, mundane details to interrupt the fantasy. And he
added great theater. He wore the most spectacular outfits, full of sparkling
jewels. He led her to the most wonderful entertainments-carnivals, masked
balls, the casinos, journeys with no destination. He was the great master at
creating seductive time and environment. Casanova is the model to aspire to.
While in your presence your targets must sense a change. Time has a different
rhythm-they barely notice its passing. They have the feeling that everything is
stopping for them, just as all normal activity comes to a halt at a festival.
The idle pleasures you provide them are contagious-one leads to another and to
another, until it is too late to turn back. The less you seem to be selling
something-including yourself-the better. By being too obvious in your pitch,
you will raise suspicion; you will also bore your audience, an unforgivable
sin. Instead, make your approach soft, seductive, and insidious. Soft: be
indirect. Create news and eventsfor the media to pick up, spreading your name
in a way that seems spontaneous, not hard or calculated. Seductive: keep it
entertaining. Your name and image are bathed in positive associations; you are
selling pleasure and promise. Insidious: aim at the unconscious, using images
that linger in the mind, placing your message in the visuals. Frame what you
are selling as part of a new trend, and it will become one. It is almost
impossible to resist the soft seduction. The Soft Sell S eduction is the
ultimate form of power. Those who give in to it do so willingly and happily.
There is rarely any resentment on their part; they forgive you any kind of
manipulation because you have brought them pleasure, a rare commodity in the
world. With such power at your fingertips, though, why stop at the conquest of
a man or woman? A crowd, an electorate, a nation can be brought under your sway
simply by applying on a mass level the tactics that work so well on an
individual. The only difference is the goal-not sex but influence, a vote,
people's attention-and the degree of tension. When you are after sex, you
deliberately create anxiety, a touch of pain, twists, and turns. Seduction on
the mass level is more diffuse and soft. Creating a constant titillation, you
fascinate the masses with what you are offering. They pay attention to you
because it is pleasant to do so. Let us say your goal is to sell yourself-as a
personality, a trendsetter, a candidate for office. There are two ways to go:
the hard sell (the direct approach) and the soft sell (the indirect approach).
In the hard sell you state your case strongly and directly, explaining why your
talents, your ideas, your political message are superior to anyone else's. You
tout yourachievements, quote statistics, bring in expert opinions, even go so
far as to induce a bit of fear if the audience ignores your message. The
approach is a tad aggressive and might have unwanted consequences: some people
will be offended, resisting your message, even if what you say is true. Others
will feel you are manipulating them-who can trust experts and statistics, and
why are you trying so hard? You will also grate on people's nerves, becoming
unpleasant to listen to. In a world in which you cannot succeed without selling
to large numbers, the direct approach won't take you far. The soft sell, on the
other hand, has the potential to draw in millions because it is entertaining,
gentle on the ears, and can be repeated without irritating people. The
technique was invented by the great charlatans of seventeenth-century Europe.
To peddle their elixirs and alchemic concoctions, they would first put on a
show-clowns, music, vaudeville- type routines-that had nothing to do with what
they were selling. A crowd would form, and as the audience laughed and relaxed,
the charlatan would come onstage and briefly and dramatically discuss the miraculous
effects of the elixir. By honing this technique, the charlatans discovered that
instead of selling a few dozen bottles of the dubious medicine, they were
suddenly selling scores or even hundreds. In thecenturiessince, publicists,
advertisers, political strategists, and others have taken this method to new
heights, but the rudiments of the soft sell remain the same. First bring
pleasure by creating a positive atmosphere around your name or message. Induce
a warm, relaxed feeling. Never seem to be selling something-that will look
manipulative and suspicious. Instead, let entertainment value and good feelings
take center stage, sneaking the sale through the side door. And in that sale,
you do not seem to be selling yourself or a particular idea or candidate; you
are selling a life-style, a good mood, a sense of adventure, a feeling of
hipness, or a neatly packaged rebellion. Here are some of the key components of
the soft sell. Appear as news, never as publicity. First impressions are
critical. If your audience first sees you in the context of an advertisement or
publicity item, you instantly join the mass of other advertisements screaming
for attention-and everyone knows that advertisements are artful manipulations,
a kind of deception. So, for your first appearance in the public eye,
manufacture an event, some kind of attention-getting situation that the media
will "inadvertently" pick up as if it were news. People pay more
attention to what is broadcast as news-it seems more real. You suddenly stand
out from everything else, if only for a moment-but that moment has more
credibility than hours of advertising time. The key is to orchestrate the
details thoroughly, creating a story with dramatic impact and movement, tension
and resolution. The media will cover it for days. Conceal your real purpose-to
sell yourself-at any cost. Stir basic emotions. Never promote your message
through a rational, direct argument. That will take effort on your audience's
part and will not gain its attention. Aim for the heart, not the head. Design
your words and images to stir basic emotions-lust, patriotism, family values.
It is easier to gain and hold people's attention once you have made them think
of their family, their children, their future. They feel stirred, uplifted. Now
you have their attention and the space to insinuate your true message. Days
later the audience will remember your name, and remembering your name is half
the game. Similarly, find ways to surround yourself with emotional magnets-war
heroes, children, saints, small animals, whatever it takes. Make your
appearance bring these emotionally positive associations to mind, giving you
extra presence. Never let these associations be defined or created for you, and
never leave them to chance. Make the medium the message. Pay more attention to
the form of your message than to the content. Images are more seductive than
words, and visuals-soothing colors, appropriate backdrop, the suggestion of
speed or movement-should actually be your real message. The audience may focus
superficially on the content or moral you are preaching, but they are really
absorbing the visuals, which get under their skin and stay there longer than
any words or preachy pronouncements. Your visuals should have a hypnotic
effect. They should make people feel happy or sad, depending on what you want
to accomplish. And the more they are distracted by visual cues, the harder it
will be for them to think straight or see through your manipulations. Speak the
target's language-be chummy. At all costs, avoid appearing superior to your
audience. Any hint of smugness, the use of complicated words or ideas, quoting
too many statistics-all that is fatal. Instead, make yourself seem equal to
your targets and on intimate terms with them. You understand them, you share
their spirit, their language. If people are cynical about the manipulations of
advertisers and politicians, exploit their cynicism for your own purposes.
Portray yourself as one of the folk, warts and all. Show that you share your
audience's skepticism by revealing the tricks of the trade. Make your publicity
as down-home and minimal as possible, so that your competitors look
sophisticated and snobby in comparison. Your selective honesty and strategic
weakness will get people to trust you. You are the audience's friend, an
intimate. Enter their spirit and they will relax and listen to you. Start a
chain reaction-everyone is doing it. People who seem to be desired by others
are immediately more seductive to their targets. Apply this to the soft seduction.
You need to act as if you have already excited crowds of people; your behavior
will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Seem to be in the vanguard of a trend
or life-style and the public will lap you up for fear of being left behind.
Spread your image, with a logo, slogans, posters, so that it appears
everywhere. Announce your message as a trend andit will become one. The goal is
to create a kind of viral effect in which more and more people become infected
with the desire to have whatever you are offering. This is the easiest and most
seductive way to sell. Tell people who they are. It is always unwise to engage
an individual or the public in any kind of argument. They will resist you.
Instead of trying to change people's ideas, try to change their identity, their
perception of reality, and you will have far more control of them in the long
run. Tell them who they are, create an image, an identity that they will want
to assume. Make them dissatisfied with their current status. Making them
unhappy with themselves gives you room to suggest a new life-style, a new
identity. Only by listening to you can they find out who they are. At the same
time, you want to change their perception of the world outside them by
controlling what they look at. Use as many media as possible to create a kind
of total environment for their perceptions. Your image should be seen not as an
advertisement but as part of the atmosphere. Some Soft Seductions 1. Andrew
Jackson was a true American hero. In 1814, in the Battle of New Orleans, he led
a ragtag band of American soldiers against a superior English army and won. He
also conquered Indians in Florida. Jackson's army loved him for his
rough-hewnways: he fed on acorns when there was nothing else to eat, he slept
on a hard bed, he drank hard cider, just hke his men. Then, after he lost or
was cheated out of the presidential election of 1824 (in fact he won the
popular vote, but so narrowly that the election was thrown into the House of
Representatives, which chose John Quincy Adams, after much deal making), he
retired to his farm in Tennessee, where he hved the simple hfe, tilling the
soil, reading the Bible, staying far from the corruptions of Washington. Where
Adams had gone to Harvard, played billiards, drunk soda water, and rehshed
European finery, Jackson, hke many Americans of the time, had been raised in a
log cabin. He was an uneducated man, a man of the earth. This, at any rate, was
what Americans read in their newspapers in the months after the controversial
1824 election. Spurred on by these articles, people in taverns and halls across
the country began talking of how the war hero Andrew Jackson had been wronged,
how an insidious aristocratic elite was conspiring to take over the country. So
when Jackson declared that he would run again against Adams in the presidential
election of 1828-but this time as the leader of a new organization, the
Democratic Party-the public was thrilled. Jackson was the first major political
figure to have a nickname. Old Hickory, andsoon Hickory clubs were sprouting up
in America's towns and cities. Their meetings resembled spiritual revivals. The
hot-button issues of the day were discussed (tariffs, the abolition of
slavery), and club members felt certain that Jackson was on their side. It was
hard to know for sure-he was a little vague on the issues-but this election was
about something larger than issues: it was about restoring democracy and
restoring basic American values to the White House. Soon the Hickory clubs were
sponsoring events hke town barbecues, the planting of hickory trees, dances
around a hickory pole. They organized lavish public feasts, always including
large quantities of liquor. In the cities there were parades, and these were
stirring events. They often took place at night so that urbanites would witness
a procession of Jackson supporters holding torches. Others would carry colorful
banners with portraits of Jackson or caricatures of Adams and slogans
ridiculing his decadent ways. And everywhere there was hickory-hickory sticks,
hickory brooms, hickory canes, hickory leaves in people's hats. Men on
horseback would ride through the crowd, spurring people into
"huzzahs!" for Jackson. Others would lead the crowd in songs about
Old Hickory. The Democrats, for the first time in an election, conducted
opinion polls, finding out what the common man thought about the candidates.
These polls were published in the papers, and the overwhelming conclusion was
that Jackson was ahead. Yes, a new movement was sweeping the country. It all
came to a head when Jackson made a personal appearance in New Orleans as part
of a celebration commemorating the battle he had fought so bravely there
fourteen years earlier. This was unprecedented: no presidential candidate had
ever campaigned in person before, and in fact such an appearance would have
been considered improper. But Jackson was a new kind of politician, a true man
of the people. Besides, he insisted that his purpose for the visit was
patriotism, not politics. The spectacle was unforgettable-Jackson entering New
Orleans on a steamboat as the fog lifted, cannon fire ringing out from all
sides, grand speeches, endless feasts, a kind of mass delirium taking over the
city. One man said it was "like a dream. The world has never witnessed so
glorious, so wonderful a celebration-never have gratitude and patriotism so
happily united." This time the will of the people prevailed. Jackson was
elected president. And it was not one region that brought him victory: New
Englanders, Southerners, Westerners, merchants, farmers, and workers were all
infected with the Jackson fever. Interpretation. After the debacle
of1824,Jackson and his supporters were determined to do things differently in
1828. America was becoming more diverse, developing populations of immigrants.
Westerners, urban laborers, and so on. To win a mandate Jackson would have to
overcome new regional and class differences. One of the first and most
important steps his supporters took was to found newspapers all around the
country. While he himself seemed to have retired from public life, these papers
promulgated an image of him as the wronged war hero, the victimized man of the
people. In truth, Jackson was wealthy, as were all of his major backers. He
owned one of the largest plantations in Tennessee, and he owned many slaves. He
drank more fine liquor than hard cider and slept on a soft bed with European
linens. And while he might have been uneducated, he was extremely shrewd, with
a shrewdness built on years of army combat. The image of the man of the earth
disguised all this, and, once it was established, it could be contrasted with
the aristocratic image of Adams. In this way Jackson's strategists covered up
his political inexperience and made the election turn on questions of character
and values. Instead of political issues they raised trivial matters like
drinking habits and church attendance. To keep up the enthusiasm they staged
spectacles that seemed to be spontaneous celebrations but in fact were
carefully choreographed. The support for Jackson seemed to be a movement, as
evidenced (and advanced) by the opinion polls. The event in New Orleans-hardly
nonpolitical, and Louisiana was a swing state-bathed Jackson in an aura of
patriotic, quasireligious grandeur. Society has fractured into smaller and smaller
units. Communities are less cohesive; even individuals feel more inner
conflict. To win an election or to sell anything in large numbers, you have to
paper over these differences somehow-you have to unify the masses. The only way
to accomplish this is to create an inclusive image, one that attracts and
excites people on a basic, almost unconscious level. You are not talking about
the truth, or about reality; you are forging a myth. Myths create
identification. Build a myth about yourself and the common people will identify
with your character, your plight, your aspirations, just as you identify with
theirs. This image should include your flaws, highlight the fact that you are
not the best orator, the most educated man, the smoothest politician. Seeming
human and down to earth disguises the manufactured quality of your image. To
sell this image you need to have the proper vagueness. It is not that you avoid
talk of issues and details-that will make you seem insubstantial-but that all
your talk of issues is framed within the softer context of character, values,
and vision. You want to lower taxes, say, because it will help families-and you
are a family person. You must not only be inspiring but also entertaining-that
is a popular, friendly touch. This strategy will infuriate your opponents, who
will try to unmask you, reveal the truth behind the myth; but that will only
make them seem smug, overserious, defensive, and snobbish. That now becomes
part of their image, and it will help sink them. 2. On Easter Sunday, March 31,
1929, New York churchgoers began to pour onto Fifth Avenue after the morning
service for the annual Easter parade. The streets were blocked off, and as had
been the custom for years, people were wearing their finest outfits, women in
particular showing off the latest in spring fashions. But this year the
promenaders on Fifth Avenue noticed something else. Two young women were coming
down the steps of Saint Thomas's Church. At the bottom they reached into their
purses, took out cigarettes-Lucky Strikes-and lit up. Then they walked down the
avenue with their escorts, laughing and puffing away. A buzz went through the
crowd. Women had only recently begun smoking cigarettes, and it was considered
improper for a lady to be seen smoking in the street. Only a certain kind of
woman would do that. These two, however, were elegant and fashionable. People
watched them intently, and were further astounded several minutes later when
they reached the next church along the avenue. Here two more young ladies-equally
elegant and well bred-left the church, approached the two holding cigarettes,
and, as if suddenly inspired to join them, pulled out Lucky Strikes of their
own and asked for a light. Now the four women were marching together down the
avenue. They were steadily joined by more, and soon ten young women were
holding cigarettes in public, as if nothing were more natural. Photographers
appeared and took pictures of this novel sight. Usually at the Easter parade,
people would have been whispering about a new hat style or the new spring
color. This year everyone was talking about the daring young women and their
cigarettes. The next day, photographs and articles appeared in the papers about
them. A United Press dispatch read, "Just as Miss Federica Freylinghusen,
conspicuous in a tailored outfit of dark grey, pushed her way thru thejam in
front of St. Patrick's, Miss Bertha Hunt and six colleagues struck another blow
in behalf of the liberty of women. Down Fifth Avenue they strolled, puffing at
cigarettes. Miss Hunt issued the following communique from the smoke-clouded
battlefield: 'I hope that we have started something and that these torches of
freedom, with no particular brand favored, will smash the discriminatory taboo
on cigarettes for women and that our sex will go on breaking down all
discriminations.' " The story was picked up by newspapers around the
country, and soon women in other cities began to light up in the streets. The
controversy raged for weeks, some papers decrying this new habit, others coming
to the women's defense. A few months later, though, public smoking by women had
become a socially acceptable practice. Few people bothered to protest it
anymore. Interpretation. In January 1929, several New York debutantes received
the same telegram from a Miss Bertha Hunt: "In the interests of equality
of the sexes ... I and other young women will light another torch of freedom by
smoking cigarettes while strolling on Fifth Avenue Easter Sunday." The
debutantes who ended up participating met beforehand in the office where Hunt
worked as a secretary. They planned what churches to appear at, how to link up
with each other, all the details. Hunt handed out packs of Lucky Strikes.
Everything worked to perfection on the appointed day. Little did the debutantes
know, though, that the whole affair had been masterminded by a man-Miss Hunt's
boss, Edward Bemays, a public relations adviser to the American Tobacco
Company, makers of Lucky Strike. American Tobacco had been luring women into
smoking with all kinds of clever ads, but the consumption was limited by the
fact that smoking in the street was considered unladylike. The head of American
Tobacco had asked Bemays for his help and Mr. Bemays had obliged him by
applying a technique that was to become his trademark: gain public attention by
creating an event that the media would cover as news. Orchestrate every detail
but make them seem spontaneous. As more people heard of this "event,"
it would spark imitative behavior-in this case more women smoking in the streets.
Bernays, a nephew of Sigmund Freud and perhaps the greatest public relations
genius of the twentieth century, understood a fundamental law of any kind of
sell. The moment the targets know you are after something-a vote, a sale-they
become resistant. But disguise your sales pitch as a news event and not only
will you bypass their resistance, you can also create a social trend that does
the selling for you. To make this work, the event you set up must stand out
from all the other events that are covered by the media, yet it cannot stand
out too far or it will seem contrived. In the case of the Easter parade, Bemays
(through Bertha Hunt) chose women who would seem elegant and proper evenwith
their cigarettes in their hands. Yet in breaking a social taboo, and doing so
as a group, such women would create an image so dramatic and startling that the
media would be unable to pass it up. An event that is picked up by the news has
the imprimatur of reality. It is important to give this manufactured event
positive associations, as Bemays did in creating a feeling of rebellion, of
women banding together. Associations that are patriotic, say, or subtly sexual,
or spiritual-anything pleasant and seductive-take on a life of their own. Who
can resist? People essentially persuade themselves to join the crowd without
even realizing that a sale has taken place. The feeling of active participation
is vital to seduction. No one wants to feel left out of a growing movement. 3.
In the presidential campaign of 1984, President Ronald Reagan, running for
reelection, told the public, "It's morning again in America." His
presidency, he claimed, had restored American pride. The recent, successful
Olympics in Los Angeles were symbolic of the country's return to strength and
confidence. Who could possibly want to turn the clock back to 1980, which
Reagan's predecessor, Jimmy Carter, had termed a time of malaise? Reagan's
Democratic challenger, Walter Mondale, thought Americans had had enough of the
Reagan soft touch. They were ready for honesty, and that would be Mondale's
appeal. Before a nationwide television audience, Mondale declared, "Let's
tell the truth. Mr. Reagan will raise taxes, and so will I. He won't tell you.
I just did." He repeated this straightforward approach on numerous
occasions. By October his poll numbers had plunged to all-time lows. The CBS
News reporter Lesley Stahl had been covering the campaign, and as Election Day
neared, she had an uneasy feeling. It wasn't so much that Reagan had focused on
emotions and moods rather than hard issues. It was more that the media was
giving him a free ride; he and his election team, she felt, were playing the
press like a fiddle. They always managed to get him photographed in the perfect
setting, looking strong and presidential. They fed the press snappy headlines
along with dramatic footage of Reagan in action. They were putting on a great
show. Stahl decided to assemble a news piece that would show the public how
Reagan used television to cover up the negative effects of his policies. The
piece began with a montage of images that his team had orchestrated over the
years: Reagan relaxing on his ranch in jeans; standing tall at the Normandy
invasion tribute in Lrance; throwing a football with his Secret Service
bodyguards; sitting in an inner-city classroom. . . . Over these images Stahl
asked, "How does Ronald Reagan use television? Brilliantly. He's been
criticized as the rich man's president, but the TV pictures say it isn't so. At
seventy-three, Mr. Reagan could have an age problem. But the TV pictures say it
isn't so. Americans want to feel proud of their country again, and of their
president. And the TV pictures say you can. The orchestration of television
coverage absorbs the White House. Their goal? To emphasize the president's
greatest asset, which, his aides say, is his personality. They provide pictures
of him looking like a leader. Confident, with his Marlboro man walk." Over
images of Reagan shaking hands with handicapped athletes in wheelchairs and
cutting the ribbon at a new facility for seniors, Stahl continued, "They
also aim to erase the negatives. Mr. Reagan tried to counter the memory of an
unpopular issue with a carefully chosen backdrop that actually contradicts the
president's policy. Look at the handicapped Olympics, or the opening ceremony
of an old-age home. No hint that he tried to cut the budgets for the disabled
and for federally subsidized housing for the elderly." On and on went the
piece, showing the gap between the feelgood images that played on the screen
and the reality of Reagan's actions. "President Reagan," Stahl
concluded, "is accused of running a campaign in which he highlights the
images and hides from the issues. But there's no evidence that the charges will
hurt him because when people see the president on television, he makes them
feel good, about America, about themselves, and about him." Stahl depended
on the good will of the Reagan people in covering the White House, but her
piece was strongly negative, so she braced herself for trouble. Yet a senior
White House official telephoned her that evening: "Great piece," he
said. "What?" asked a stunned Stahl. "Greatpiece," he
repeated. "Did you listen to what I said?" she asked. "Lesley,
when you're showing four and a half minutes of great pictures of Ronald Reagan,
no one listens to what you say. Don't you know that the pictures are overriding
your message because they conflict with your message? The public sees those
pictures and they block your message. They didn't even hear what you said. So,
in our minds, it was a four-and-a-half-minute free ad for the Ronald Reagan
campaign for reelection." Interpretation. Most of the men who worked on
communications for Reagan had a background in marketing. They knew the
importance of telling a story crisply, sharply, and with good visuals. Each
morning they went over what the headline of the day should be, and how they
could shape this into a short visual piece, getting the president into a video
opportunity. They paid detailed attention to the backdrop behind the president
in the Oval Office, to the way the camera framed him when he was with other
world leaders, and to having him filmed in motion, with his confident walk. The
visuals carried the message better than any words could do. As one Reagan
official said, "What are you going to believe, the facts or your
eyes?" Free yourself from the need to communicate in the normal direct
manner and you will present yourself with greater opportunities for the soft
sell. Make the words you say unobtrusive, vague, alluring. And pay much greater
attention to your style, the visuals, the story they tell. Convey a sense of
movement and progress by showing yourself in motion. Express confidence not
through facts and figures but through colors and positive imagery, appealing to
the infant in everyone. Let the media cover you unguided and you are at their
mercy. So turn the dynamic around-the press needs drama and visuals? Provide
them. It is fine to discuss issues or "truth" as long as you package
it entertainingly. Remember: images linger in the mind long after words are
forgotten. Do not preach to the public-that never works. Learn to express your
message through visuals that insinuate positive emotions and happy feelings. 4.
In 1919, the movie press agent Harry Reichenbach was asked to do advance
publicity for a picture called The Virgin ofStamboul. It was the usual romantic
potboiler in an exotic locale, and normally a publicist would mount a campaign
with alluring posters and advertisements. But Harry never operated the usual
way. He had begun his career as a carnival barker, and there the only way to
get the public into your tent was to stand out from the other barkers. So Harry
dug up eight scruffy Turks whom he found living in Manhattan, dressed them up
in costumes (flowing sea-green trousers, gold-crescented turbans) provided by
the movie studio, rehearsed them in every line and gesture, and checked them
into an expensive hotel. Word quickly spread to the newspapers (with a little
help from Harry) that a delegation of Turks had arrived in New York on a secret
diplomatic mission. Reporters converged on the hotel. Since his appearance in
New York was clearly no longer a secret, the head of the mission, "Sheikh
Ali Ben Mohammed," invited them up to his suite. The newspapermen were
impressed by the Turks' colorful outfits, salaams, and rituals. The sheikh then
explained why he had come to New York. A beautiful young woman named Sari,
known as the Virgin of Stamboul, had been betrothed to the sheikh's brother. An
American soldier passing through had fallen in love with herandhad managed to
steal her from her home and take her to America. Her mother had died from
grief. The sheikh had found out she was in New York, and had come to bring her
back. Mesmerized by the sheikh's colorful language and by the romantic tale he
told, the reporters filled the papers with stories of the Virgin of Stamboul
for the next several days. The sheikh was filmed in Central Park and feted by
the cream of New York society. Linally "Sari" was found, and the
press reported the reunion between the sheikh and the hysterical girl (an
actress with an exotic look). Soon after. The Virgin of Stamboul opened in New
York. Its story was much like the "real" events reported in the
papers. Was this a coincidence? A quickly made film version of the true story?
No Appendix B: Soft Seduction: How to Sell Anything to the Masses • 453 one
seemed to know, but the public was too curious to care, and The Virgin
ofStamboulbroke box office records.A year later Harry was asked to publicize a
film called The Forbidden Woman. It was one of the worst movies he had ever
seen. Theater owners had no interest in showing it. Harry went to work. For
eighteen days straight he ran an ad in all of the major New York newspapers:
WATCH THE SKY ON THE NIGHT OF FEBRUARY 21ST! IF H IS GREEN-GO THE CAPITOL IF IT
ISRED-GO THE RIVOLI IF IT IS PINK-GO TO THE STRAND IF IT IS BLUE- GO TO THE
RIALTO FOR ON FEBRUARY 21ST THE SKY WILL TELL YOU WHERE THE BEST SHOW IN TOWN
CAN BE SEEN! (The Capitol, the Rivoli, the Strand, and the Rialto were the four
big first-run movie houses on Broadway.) Almost everyone saw the ad and
wondered what this fabulous show was. The owner of the Capitol asked Harry if
he knew anything about it, and Harry let him in on the secret: it was all a
publicity stunt for an unbooked picture. The owner asked to see a screening of
The Forbidden Woman; through most of the film, Harry yakked about the publicity
campaign, distracting the man from the dullness onscreen. The theater owner
decided to show the film for a week, and so, on the evening of February 21, as
a heavy snowstorm blanketed the city and all eyes turned to the sky, giant rays
of light poured out from the tallest buildings-a brilliant show of green. An
enormous crowd flocked to the Capitol theater. Those who did not get in kept
coming back. Somehow, with a packed house and an excited crowd, the film did
not seem quite so bad. The following year Harry was asked to publicize a
gangster picture called Outside the Law. On high-ways across the country he set
up billboards that read, in giant letters, if you dance on Sunday, you are
outside the LAW. On other billboards the word "dance" was replaced by
"play golf' or "play pool" and so on. On a top corner of the billboards
was a shield bearing the initials "PD." The public assumed this meant
"police department" (actually, it stood for Priscilla Dean, the star
of the movie) and that the police, backed by religious organizations, were
prepared to enforce decades-old blue laws prohibiting "sinful"
activities on a Sunday. Suddenly a controversy was sparked. Theater owners,
golfing associations, and dance organizations led a countercampaign against the
blue laws; they put up their own billboards, exclaiming that if you did those
things on Sunday, you were not "OUTSIDE THE LAW" and issuing a call
for Americans to have some fun in their lives. For weeks the words
"Outside the Law" were everywhere seen and everywhere on people's
lips. In the midst of this the film opened-on a Sunday-in four New York theaters
simultaneously, something that had never happened before. And it ran for months
throughout the country, also on Sundays. It was one of the big hits of the
year. Interpretation. Harry Reichenbach, perhaps the greatest press agent in
movie history, never forgot the lessons he had learned as a barker. The
carnival is full of bright lights, color, noise, and the ebb and flow of the
crowd. Such environments have profound effects on people. A clearheaded person
could probably tell that the magic shows are fake, the fierce animals trained,
the dangerous stunts relatively safe. But people want to be entertained; it is
one of their greatest needs. Surrounded by color and excitement, they suspend
their disbelief for a while and imagine that the magic and danger are real.
They are fascinated by what seems to be both fake and real at the same time.
Harry's publicity stunts merely re-created the carnival on a larger scale. He
pulled people in with the lure of colorful costumes, a great story,
irresistible spectacle. He held their attention with mystery, controversy,
whatever it took. Catching a kind of fever, as they would at the carnival, they
flocked without thinking to the films he publicized. The lines between fiction
and reality, news and entertainment are even more blurred today than in Harry
Reichenbach's time. What opportunities that presents for soft seduction! The
media is desperate for events with entertainment value, inherent drama. Feed
that need. The public has a weakness for what seems both realistic and slightly
fantastical-for real events with a cinematic edge. Play to that weakness. Stage
events the way Bemays did, events the media can pick up as news. But here you
are not starting a social trend, you areaftersomething more short term: to win
people's attention, to create a momentary stir, to lure them into your tent.
Make your events and publicity stunts plausible and somewhat realistic, but
make their colors a little brighter than usual, the characters larger than
life, the drama higher. Provide an edge of sex and danger. You are creating a
confluence of real life and fiction-the essence of any seduction. It is not
enough, however, to win people's attention: you need to hold it long enough to
hook them. This can always be done by sparking controversy, the way Harry liked
to stir up debates about morals. While the media argues about the effect you
are having on people's values, it is broadcasting your name everywhere and
inadvertently bestowing upon you the edge that will make you so attractive to the
public. Selected Bibliography Baudrillard, Jean. Seduction. Trans. Brian
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The Real Duke Ellington. New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1981.
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Their Power, Their Fates. Trans. Hannah Waller. New York: Alfred A. Knopf,
1927. Hahn, Emily. Lorenzo: D. H. Lawrence and the Women Who Loved Him.
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Kaus, Gina. Catherine: The Portrait of anEmpress.Trans.JuneHead.New York:
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& Cedar Paul. Garden City, NY: Garden City Publishing Co., 1926. , Oscar,
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Victorian Age. Trans. Hamish Miles. New York: D. Appleton & Company, 1928.
Monroe, Marilyn. My Story. New York: Stein and Day, 1974. Morin, Edgar. The
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Company, 1931. Index Abrantes, Duchess d', 14 absences, see calculated absences
Adams, Cindy, 221-23 Adams, John Quincy, 446-48 advertisements, xx, 444
Aesthetic Rakes, 423 Aga Khan III, 313 aggressive attention, 257 Aging Babies,
156-57 Agnelli, Gianni, 273 Alberoni, Francesco, 205 Albert, Prince of Monaco,
396, 397 Alcibiades, 46-47, 48, 74-76, 191-92, 243-44 Alexander I, Czar of
Russia, 216-17 AlyKhan, Prince, 313-15, 317 American Tobacco Company, 448-50
Amoves, The (Ovid), 253-54, 331, 351-52 Andreas Capellanus, 134-35, 324, 422-23
Andreas-Salome, Lou, 45-47, 50, 52, 76, 154, 197-99, 227, 357, 390, 412 anger,
8, 9, 69, 76, 374 Anger, Kenneth, 50 Anne of Austria, 355 Anti-Seducers, xxiv,
3-4, 49, 65, 131-45, 155 aggressive attention of, 257 arguing by, 260 brutes,
134, 137-38 bumblers, 135, 138-40 complaining by, 135, 293, 378, 418, 421 crab
as symbol of, 144 defensiveness in, 57 as deliberate disenchantment, 415,
418-20 disengagement from, 145 doormats, 134 examples of, 136-44 excessive
pride in, 142 greed in, 142-43 impatience in, 134, 137-38 inattentiveness of,
136-37, 145 insecurity of, 131, 133, 138, 142 judgmentalism in, 133, 134
moralizers, 134, 143-44 neediness in, 59, 74, 75, 134, 293 perfectionistic
dissatisfaction in, 140-41 reactors, 135 self-absorption in, 75, 131, 133, 137,
138, 140 self-awareness lacked by, 131 self-consciousness of, 135, 138-40
suffocators, 134 tightwads, 134-35 types of, 133-36 ulterior motives in, 142-43
ungenerosity of, 133, 134-35 uses of, 145 vulgarians, 135-36 windbags, 135, 145
Antony and Cleopatra (Shakespeare), 267-68, 418 anxiety and discontent,
inducement of, 203-10, 236, 255, 376-77, 378, 418 Cupid's arrow as symbol of,
210 deceptive appearances and, 207 exotic stranger as, 208-9 lost ideals in,
203, 209-10 missing qualities in, 207, 208-9 personal criticism in, 205-7, 208,
209, 210, 423, 424 by politicians, 209-10 reversal of, 210 strategic withdrawal
in, 388-89, 390, 391 Aphrodite (Venus), 8, 9-11, 14, 43, 122-23, 206-7, 256-57,
259, 269, 283, 403 Apollo, 55-58 Ardent Rakes, 19-21 arguing, 257, 260, 445
Aristophanes, 47, 207 armed prophets, 118 Arthur, King, 329 Art of Love, The
(Ovid), xx, xxii, xxiv, 81-82, 135-36, 179, 221, 255, 279-80, 323, 371-72, 397,
408-9, 418-19, 423-44 As You Like It (Shakespeare), 50 Index Athene, 9-11
attention, aggressive, 257 attention, focused, 33, 273, 417 of Charmers, 79,
81-82, 86, 87 in mirroring, 226 physical lures and, 401-2 Auguste, Prince of
Prussia, 187-88 authentic animals, charismatic, 104-5 Bacall, Lauren, 14 Baker,
Josephine, 50, 61-63, 66 calculated surprise by, 248 French mirrored by, 225
banal conversation, 183 Bank, The, 58 Barbey dAurevilly, Jules-Amedee, 49
Barney, Natalie, xxiv, xxv, 154, 317, 323 spiritual lures of, 361-63, 364,
365-66, 404 Barrymore, John, 109 Bataille, Georges, 374-75 Bathsheba, xix, 237
, Charles Pierre, 14, 46, 170, 314-15, 354, 401-2 strategic withdrawal by, 385-88
Baudrillard, Jean, xxiii, 9, 126-27, 288,385 , 156 Belleroche, Maud de, 243-44
Bjerre, Poul, 47 Angel, The (Mann), 340-43 Boccaccio, Giovanni, 214-17, 233-37,
362-67 bold moves, 405-13 bracing effect of, 410 , 412 humility vs., 409-10
indirect approach preceding, 407-9 infecting with emotions in, 412 opportune
moment for, 410-1 1 as pleasant surprise, 411 reversal of, 413 signs of
readiness for, 408, 409, 411,412 summer storm as symbol of, 413 theatricality
of, 411-12 vanity and, 408-9 , Lucien, 187 , Napoleon, see Napoleon , Emperor
of France Bonaparte, Pauline, 14, 200, 297-99, 304-5, 326-27 Book of Laughter
and Forgetting, The (Kundera), 66 Bourdon, David, 33-34 , Bernard, 173-74,
-300, 304 Brantome, Seigneur de, 139-41, 268-69, 290-92, 409-10 breakups, 369,
378 see also disenchantment Brent, Harrison, 297-99 Brummel, George
"Beau," 48-49, 52, 192, 434 , anti-seductive, 134, 137-38 Buckingham,
George Villiers, Duke , 66, 235, 346-48, 355 bumblers, anti-seductive, 135,
138-40 Bunuel, Luis, 373 Butler, Samuel, 81 Byron, George Gordon, Lord, 26, 70,
153, 304 disarming weaknesses of, 290, 291 "honest" confessions of,
284 taboos transgressed by, 351-54, ,357 Caesar, Julius, xix, 7-8, 12, 13, 208,
,317 calculated absences, 288, 390, 392, ,418 in pain mixed with pleasure, 372,
calculated effects, 188, 190, 289 -46 in re-seduction, 420-21 reversal of, 249
, Emperor of Rome, 136 Camus, Albert, 83 , Jules de, 326-27 Capote, Truman, 71
, Angela, 281 Carter, Jimmy, 202 Casanova, Giovanni Giacomo, xx, xxii, xxiv,
31-33, 36, 128, 373 142-43 mirroring by, 224 mixed signals and, 194 environment
and time created by, 435, 438-39 spiritual lures used by, 367 temptation of,
236-37 , Baldassare, 133-34, 197-99,272 Castro, Fidel, 102 Catherine de
Medicis, Queen of France, 15 Catherine II "the Great," Empress of
Russia, 90-92, 93 provided by, 201 Potemkin and, 274, 300-303 Saltykov and,
37-38, 225-26 Chalon, Jean, 361-62 , Jessie, 205-6, 208 , Charlie, 58-59
charisma, xx, xxi, 95, 97-98, 329 , 3, 95-118, 317 adventurousness of, 101-2 as
armed prophets, 118 to, 116-18 dangers to, 116-18 , 112-14 drama saints, 110-12
fatigue and, 117-18 of, 101 gurus, 109-10 lamp as symbol of, 11 6 magnetism of,
98, 102 miraculous prophets, 102-4 mysteriousness of, 95, 99 Olympian actors,
114-16 piercing gaze of, 95, 100-101, 102, 104 prophetic gifts in, 99, 104
purposefulness of, 98-99 saintliness of, 99 saviors, 107-9 seductive language
of, 99-100, 108, 111, 114, 115-16 self-awareness of, 100 successors of, 118 on
television, 114, 115-16 theatricality of, 100 types of, 102-16 uninhibitedness
of, 100, 107 vulnerability of, 101 Charles I, King of England, 355 II, King of
England, 201, 420-21 Charmers, 3, 79-93, 153, 210, 376 antagonism harmonized
by, 82 art of, 81-83 dangers to, 93 deceptive appearances and, 85 of term, 81
ease and comfort created by, 79, 82, 86-87 examples of, 83-92 86, 87 indulgent
attitude of, 79, 85, 418 mirror as symbol of, 92 by, 82 provided by, 82, 85
politicians as, 81, 82, 83-85, 87, -92, 93 by, 83 sexuality and, 81, 87 subtlety
of, 81 timing of, 90-91, 92, 93 attitude of, 81 as useful to others, 83, 87
Chateaubriand, Francois Rene, Vi- comte de, 188, 226, 284, 337 ego ideal
regression of, 343-46 Chekhov, Michael, 10 Chevalier, Maurice, 395-96, 397
Chiang Kai-shek, 88-90 Childe Harold (Byron), 351,352 China, xix, 15, 76,
88-90, 172-73, 174, 224, 267-69, 291, 297-300, 311-13 chivalry, 36-37, 38,
329-30 Choisy, Abbe de, 47-48 Chretien de Troyes, 329-30, 386-87 Christian,
Linda, 398-99, 401 Churchill, Pamela, see Harriman, Pamela Churchill , Winston,
86, 115, 329 Clarissa (Richardson), 225, 315-16Claudin, Gustave, 60 ClaudiusI,
Emperor of Rome, 136-37 Cleopatra, xix, xx, xxi, xxiv, 7-9, 13, 16, 184, 304,
378, 392, 412 -seduction as defense against, clothing of, 7, 8, 274 descriptions
of, 8 insecurity fostered by, 208 isolation created by, 317 mixed signals sent
by, 192 mood changes of, 7-8, 9 poeticizing of, 283 sensual appeals of, 159
theatricality of, 7, 8, 9 chosen by, 12, 172 voice of, 1,9, 14 Clift,
Montgomery, 51, 125, 437 clinging behavior, 415, 417, 419-20 Clinton, Bill, 26,
27, 93 clothing, xx, 34, 434, 436 attention to details of, 265, 268, 269, 270,
272, 273, 274 of Dandies, 43, 44, 48-49, 50, 51 of Sirens, 7, 8, 13, 14-15, 274
Cohn, Norman, 103 Cold Coquette, The (Byron), 70 Colette, 48 complaining, 135,
293, 378, 418, 421 confessions, "honest," 284, 285, 287-88, 289 con
men, 66 Conquerors, 153-54 Conrad, Earl, 398-99 Constant, Benjamin, 188, 344
contrasts, 201-2, 270-71, 274, 427, 428, 447 Cooper, Gary, 125 Coquettes, 3, 67-68,
156, 172, 237, 291,412 Cold, 71-73, 77, 78 confusion engendered by, 75 dangers
to, 78 excitement engendered by, 75 hatred engendered by, 78 Hot and Cold, 67,
69-71, 76, 78, 192-93 jealousy incited by, 76-77 keys to, 74-77 narcissism of,
67, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77 politicians as, 77 selective withdrawal by, 67, 70-71,
73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 390 self-sufficiency of, 67, 71, 73, 74-75, 76, 77
shadow as symbol of, 77 spacecreated by, 73 timing of, 78 Coriolanus
(Shakespeare), 107 courtesans, 11-12, 33, 38, 60-61, 75, 86, 192, 194, 291,
299-300, 361-64, 396, 412, 436 courtly love, 36-37, 325-26, 333 Crebillon, 33
Crebillon fils, 138-40, 401 criticism, personal, 205-7, 208, 209, 210, 423, 424
cmelty, 192, 349, 353, 356-57, 377, 379, 385, 390, 426 of Dandies, 43, 44, 45,
46, 47 of Rakes, 26 in transgressing taboos, 349, 352, 353, 356-57 Crushed
Stars, 152-53 Cures for Love (Ovid), 9,172 Dandies, 3, 41-52, 75-76, 83, 153,
192, 434 aesthetic qualities in, 48-50, 51 ambiguity of, 41, 44, 45, 47, 51
bisexual appeal of, 50-51 confusion engendered by, 47 cruelty in, 43, 44, 45,
46, 47 dangerousness of, 43, 44 dangers to, 52 excitement engendered by, 47
Feminine, 43-45 impudence of, 49, 51, 52 keys to, 48-51 Masculine, 45-48 mental
transvestitism of, 50 nonconformity of, 46, 47, 48-49, 51 orchid as symbol of,
51 physical image of, 41, 43, 44, 45, 48-49, 50-51 politicians as, 51 social
seduction by, 48-50 visual style of, 48-49 Dandy, The (Baudelaire), 46
Dangerous Liaisons (Laclos), xxiv, 25, 127, 169-71, 287-89, 407-9, 418-20
dangerousness, 354 of Dandies, 43, 44 of Rakes, 17, 24, 25, 26, 27 of Sirens,
5, 11, 12-13 D'Annunzio, Gabriele, 21-24, 192, 291 death risked by, 327-29
flattery by, 218, 259 march on Fiume led by, 23, 273, 328 public spectacles
given by, 275 Darvas, Lili, 123 d'Aunet, Leonie, 339 David, King, xix, 237
Davis, Ossie, 113 Dean, James, 123, 125, 127, 128 death, risking of, 327-29
Decameron, The (Boccaccio), 214-17, 233-37, 362-67 defensiveness, 57, 83, 207,
21 1,215, 219, 224, 246, 247, 260, 418, 434 de Gaulle, Charles, 99, 100, 101-2,
109, 114-16, 117,329 seductive oratory of, 114, 115, 253-54 "Delight in
Disorder" (Herrick), 399 deliverers, charismatic, 112-14 demonic
performers, charismatic, 106-7 Demonic Rakes, 21-24 Denon, Vivant, 213-15 destiny,
sense of, 177, 359, 365 details, attention to, 38, 265-76, 425 banquet as
symbol of, 276 of clothing, 265, 268, 269, 270, 272, 273, 274 gifts in, 265,
268, 269, 274-75, 279 mesmerizing effect of, 265, 267-69 reversal of, 276
sensuous effect of, 265, 269-72 slower pace in, 272, 273-74 of spectacles, 265,
267-69, 275 Devil Is a Woman, The, 373 Dewa, 37 Diderot, Denis, xxiv-xxv
Dietrich, Marlene, 50, 121-23, 127, 128, 129, 130, 192, 342, 373, 434 DiMaggio,
Joe, 11, 13 Dio Cassius, 7 Dionysus, 8 Diotima, 206-7, 208 Disappointed
Dreamers, 150-51 disenchantment, 415-29 clean quick breaks in, 415, 418, 425-26
clinging behavior and, 415, 417, 419-20 deliberate, 415, 418-20 disillusionment
in, 40embers as symbol of, 428 familiarity in, 415, 418, 421 inertia in, 417-18
pleasant separations in, 421-23 seea/sore-seduction Disraeli, Benjamin, 49, 57,
81, 82-85, 93, 143-44, 210, 236 attention to details by, 274-75 humor in
persuasion by, 260 mirroring by, 225 poeticizing by, 284 victim played by, 292
dissatisfaction, perfectionistic, 140-41 Don Juan, legend of, xx, 19-20, 23,
24-25, 155, 170, 207-8, 209, 260, 400 Don Juan (Byron), 290 doormats,
anti-seductive, 134 doubts, 215, 282-83, 321, 323, 324, 383, 389, 390, 393,
409, 410, 429 Drama Queens, 155 drama saints, charismatic, 1 10-12 Dream of The
Red Chamber, The (Tsao Hsueh Chin), 224, 270-72 Drouet, Juliette, 339-40
Dryden, John, 233 Dulcey Sabrosa (Picon), 231-34 dullness, deliberate, 183
Dumas, Alexander, 385 Duncan, Isadora, 22, 259 Duse, Eleanor, 22, 259 Eastern
Love, 137, 171 Easy Street, 58 Eddington, Nora, 399-400 Edward VII, King of
England, 396 ego ideal regression, 337-38, 343-46 Einstein, Albert, 99
Eisenhower, Dwight D" 124, 174, 317 Eisenstein, Sergei, 59 Either/Or
(Kierkegaard), 24, 256 Elizabeth, Empress of Russia, 90, 91 Elizabeth I, Queen
of England, 75, 84, 209, 346 Ellington, Duke, xxiv, 182-83, 291, 419-20, 421-23
empathy, 81, 157 environment, seductive, 431-39 Casanova's creation of, 435,
438-39 crowded conditions in, 434, 437 Japan's ukiyo ("floating world")
as, 435-37' mystical effects in, 434-35 theatricality of, 431, 434-35, 436, 439
visual stimuli in, 434 Warhol's Factory as, 437-38 envy, 16, 28 Epton, Nina,
326, 354, 355 Eros. 206-7, 208 erotic fatigue, 117-18 Escher, M. C" 128
Essex, Robert Devereux, Earl of, 209 Euripides, xx Europa, 180-81 Exodus, Book
of, 98 Exotic Fetishists, 154-55 "Exotic Perfume" (Baudelaire), 401-2
Eyes of Youth, 43 Fallaci, Oriana, 374-76 falling in love, xix, xxi, xxii, 9,
36, 39, 44, 45, 46, 50, 76, 97, 134, 149, 164, 205, 246, 377 familiarity, 429
in disenchantment, 415, 418, 421 poeticizing oneself vs., 277, 281, 282, 284
fear, 412, 418, 424 in pain mixed with pleasure, 369, 377-78, 379 Feminine
Dandies, 43-45 Ferenczi, Sandor, 126 festivals, 433, 434, 435 Fetishistic Stars,
121-23 Fiume, march on, 23, 273, 328 flattery, 22, 85, 218, 233, 259, 289, 376,
403 Flaubert, Gustave, 364-65, 385 Floating Genders, 160 "floating
world" (ukiyo), 435-37 Flowers of Evil, The (Baudelaire), 314-15, 386,
401-2 Flynn, Errol, xxiv, 26, 130, 192, 201, 291,355 physical lures of,
397-402, 403, 404 Tantrism practiced by, 410 FourHorsemenoftheApocalypse, The,
43 Fraser, Flora, 300-301 French Revolution, 70, 116-17, 174, 187, 328 Freud,
Sigmund, 70-71, 173, 182, 188, 449 Andreas-Salome and, 76, 198, 199 on
bisexuality, 50 onchildhood as golden age, 55 disciples of, 76-77, 198, 199,
434 on narcissism, 73, 74 on sexual taboos, 352-53 on spoiled children, 61 on
suggestion, 215 on transference, 335-36 on the uncanny, 126, 301-2, 304
Friedrich, Konrad, 297-99 Frohlich, Rosa (fict.), 340-43 Fu Chai, King, xix,
15, 311-13 Fujiwara no Korechika, 48, 65, 271 Fiilop-Miller, Rene, 104-5
Gallese, Duke and Duchess of, 22 Game of Hearts, The: Harriette Wilson's
Memoirs (Wilson), 48-49 Gandhi, Mohandas K" 193, 358 isolation created by,
317 Garbo, Greta, 127 Garden of Eden, 24, 237 Gautier, Theophile, 49, 385
Genesis, Book of, 232-33 Genji, Prince (fict.), 63-65, 172, 269-71 George, Don,
419-20 Gerard, Franjois-Pascal, 187, 188 Gilbert and Sullivan, 189 Gilda, 314 Gillot,
Henrik, 45 Gilot, I rancoise, 25 Girard, Rene, 199, 200 Gladstone, William, 85,
93, 143-44 Gleichen-Russwurm, Alexander von, xxi Goethe, Johann Wolfgang,
300-301, 354 golden age, childhood as, 53, 55, 59 Gottfried von Strassburg, 12,
190-92, 354-55 Grammont, Count de, 137-38, 183, 324-25 Grant, Gary, 125, 128,
129 Graves, Robert, 9-11, 55-58, 231. 287-88 Greco, Juliette, 313 greed, 199
anti-seductive, 142-43 Greek Myths. The (Graves), 9-11, 55-58, 231, 287-88
Greenfield, Liah, 102 guilt, sense of, 176, 369, 378, 379, 422-23, 426 in
transgression of taboos, 349, 355,357 Guinevere, Queen, 329-30, 386-87 gurus,
charismatic, 109-10 Gwyn, Nell, 201, 420-21 Hamilton, Lady Emma, 300-301, 304
Hamilton, Sir William, 300-301, 304 hard sell, 443 Harriman, Averell, 85-87,
273, 318 Harriman, Pamela Churchill, 85-87, 273, 274, 318 Hauptmann, Gerhart,
46 Hawthorne, Nathaniel, 74 Hayworth, Rita, 313-15 heat, projected, 393, 395-97
heated glances, 396, 397, 402, 403 Helen of Troy, xix, xx, 11, 13 Hellmann,
John, 124, 209 Hera, 9-11, 256-58, 287-88 Hermaphroditus, 43-45 Hermes
(Mercury), 9-10, 43, 55-58 Herrick, Robert, 399 Hibbert, Eloise Talcott,
172-73, 311-12 Hindu Art of Love, The (Windsor, ed.), 171-72, 411 Homer, 7-8,
11, 12-13, 256-58 "honest" confessions, 284, 285, 287-88, 289 honest
courtesans, 38 Hot and Cold Coquettes, 67, 69-71, 76, 78 Hsi Shi, xix, 15,
311-13 Hugo, Victor, 338-40 Huxley, Aldous, 109 hypnosis, 261-62, 401, 402
Ibarruri, Dolores Gomez (La Pasion- aria), 99-100 Ibn Hazm, 126, 183-84, 409
Ideal Lovers, 3, 29-40 Beauty, 33-35 in courtly love, 36-37 dangers to, 40
effort required of, 33 keys to, 36-39 Madonna/whore as, 38 missing qualities
provided by, 32-33, 34-35, 36, 39 noble qualities evoked by, 35-36, 39 patient
attentiveness of, 38 politicians as, 38-39, 40 portrait painter as symbol of,
39 reputation of, 33, 37-38 Romantic, 31-33 self-sacrifice of, 36-38 subtle
indications observed by, 33, 36 ideals, lost, 39, 203, 208-10, 226, 317 Idol
Worshipers, 158 Idylle Saphique (Pougy), 362 Ihara Saikaku, 268, 421-22 Iliad,
The (Homer), 256-58 illusions, creation of, 82, 295-307, 364 appearance of
normality in, 304 changing the past in, 306 dreams realized through, 303-4 of
gender, 297-300, 304 reversal of, 307 role playing in, 305 Shangri-La as symbol
of, 307 uncanny effects in, 304 wish fulfillment in, 300-303 impatience,
anti-seductive, 134, 137-38 improvisation, 164, 248, 411 in proving oneself,
324-25 imps, 56-57, 59-61, 66 inattentiveness, 136-37, 145 indifference, 409
indirect approach, 177-84, 408-9 bland appearance in, 183 bold moves after,
407-9 deliberate dullness in, 183 disguising one's feelings in, 183 friendship
in, 177, 179-81, 182 illusion of control in, 181-82 neutral distance in, 182-83
reversal of, 184 sexual tension and, 182 spider's web as symbol of, 184 third
parties in, 177, 183 see also soft sell infantile regression, 336-37, 338-40
innocents, 54, 58-59, 66 "In Praise of Makeup" (Baudelaire), 14
insecurities, 48, 71, 74, 76, 77, 87, 154, 155, 156, 163, 172, 173, 182, 193,
207, 210, 289, 291, 359, 369, 377, 412, 419 of Anti-Seducers, 131, 133, 138,
142 of countries, 225 flattery aimed at, 259 insinuation, art of, 127, 211-18,
389, 390 dropping hints in, 211, 216 gesturesand looks in, 211, 217-18
imagination and, 216 passing comments in, 211, 215, 216 pleasure provided by,
218 in politics, 216-17 retraction with apology in, 211, 215,217 reversal of,
218 seed as symbol of, 218 slight physical contact in, 215 slips of the tongue
in, 217 vagueness in, 216 "Invitation to the Voyage" (Baudelaire),
314-15 irrationality, 55, 378 isolation, creation of, 309-18 deceptive
appearances and, 315 exotic effect in, 311-13, 317 from family and friends,
316, 317, 318 hint of danger in, 317 on islands, 317 "only you"
effect in, 313-15 from past attachments, 316-17 Pied Piper as symbol of, 318 by
politicians, 317 by religious sects, 317 reversal of, 318 Jackson, Andrew,
446-48 Jagger, Mick, 50 James I, King of England, 66, 235, 355 reverse parental
regression and, 346-48 Japan, 25, 37, 48, 50 child-rearing practices in, 335-36
ukiyo ("floating world") of, 435-37 see also Tale of Genji, The
(Murasaki) jealousy, 70, 76-77, 248, 390, 421, 423, 424, 425-26 in pain mixed
with pleasure, 372, 373, 374, 377 triangles and, 197-98 Jeffers, Robinson, 109
Joan of Arc, 102-4 Johnson, Lyndon B., 289 Joseph II, Holy Roman Emperor, 301-2
Josephine, Empress of France, xxiv, 13, 69-71, 74, 154, 217, 412 languorousness
of, 12, 14, 69 selective disclosure by, 15, 237 selective withdrawal by, 70,
78, 390 tears as tactic of, 69, 70, 291-92 Journal of Our Life in the Highlands
(Queen Victoria), 84 judgmentalism, 152, 404 in Anti-Seducers, 133, 134 Julius
Caesar(Shakespeare), 258-60 Jullian, Philippe, 22 Jung, Carl, 76 Jungian
archetypes, 36-37 Jurgens, Ernest, 395-96 Kaus, Gina, 303 Keaton, Buster, 58
Kennedy, John F., xxi, xxiv, 40, 51, 117, 123-26, 127, 128, 130, 224,329
adventurousness of, 101, 102 disarming weaknesses of, 290-91 insinuation used
by, 217 isolation as technique of, 317 lost ideals and, 39, 208-10, 317 missing
qualities offered by, 174 mixed signals sent by, 193 poeticizing of, 283 Key,
Wilson Bryan, 289 Kierkegaard, Spren, xxiv, 24, 31, 169-70, 171, 172, 179-80,
181, 182, 193, 201, 224, 246, 254, 255-57, 279, 289-90, 291, 357, 373, 387-88,
389 King, Martin Luther, Jr., 113 Kissinger, Henry A., 93, 183, 374-75, 378
knights, 36-37, 329-30, 331-32 Kolowrat, Count Sascha, 122 Kou Chien, King, 15,
311-13 Kriegel, Maurice, 253 Krishnamurti,Jiddu, 75-76, 109-10, 358 Kuang Hsu,
Emperor, 267-69 Kundera, Milan, 66 La Bruyere, Jean de, 49 Laclos, Pierre
Choderlos de, xix-xx, xxiv, 25, 169-71,287-89, 407-9, 418-20 Ladd, Alan, 123
Lake, Veronica, 128 Lamb, Lady Caroline, 351-52, 353, 354 Lamotte-Valois,
Comtesse de, 305-6 Lancelot, Sir, 329-30, 386-87 Lang, Lritz, 122 language, seductive,
xx, 153, 251-63, 273 affirmation in, 261, 262 ambiguity and vagueness in, 254,
258, 262, 263, 448 arguing vs., 260 boldness in, 262 changes of perspective in,
261 of Charismatics, 99-100, 108, 111, 114,115-16 clouds as symbol of, 262
diabolic vs. symbolic, 262 emotion vs. reason in, 260-61 flattery in, 22, 85,
218, 233, 259, 376, 403 flowery language vs., 263 normal language vs., 258-59
oratory, xx, 22-23, 24, 114, 115, 235-36, 253-54, 258-60, 261, 275 producing an
effect with, 254, 259 promises in, 259, 260 of Rakes, 17, 19, 20, 22-24, 25
repetition in, 261-62 reversal of, 263 self-absorption vs., 258 silence vs.,
263 in soft sell, 445 strong emotions roused by, 261 seealso writing Lauzun,
Antonin Peguilin, Duke de, xx, 75, 179-81, 201, 282 Lawner, Lynne, 13, 299-300
Lawrence, D. H., 205-7, 208, 209, 210, 400, 423-25 Leadbeater, Charles, 109 Le
Gallienne, Richard, 191 Lemaitre, Jules, 49 Lenin, V. I., 98, 99, 101, 107-9,
183, 201-2 Leonardo da Vinci, 188 Lesbos, island of, 317, 362-63 Lewis, Arthur
H., 395-96, 398 Lincoln, Abraham, 99 Lonely Leaders, 159 lost ideals, 39, 203,
208-10, 226, 317 Louis XIV, King of Prance, 19, 35, 47, 49, 179-81, 282 Louis
XV, King of Prance, 16, 33-35, 36, 127, 216, 247, 249, 274, 435 Louis XVIII,
King of Prance, 426-27 Louys, Pierre, 371-74 Love Happy, 10 lovers' quarrels,
76 Low, Ivy, 206, 208 Lucian, 420-21, 422 Lursay, Madame de (fict.), 138-40
Machiavelli, Niccolo, 118 Madame Bovary (Plaubert),364-65 Madonna/whore, 38
makeup, xix, 8, 9, 10, 13, 434 Making a Living, 58, 59 Malcolm X, 111, 112-14
Malet, Elizabeth, 26 Malraux, Andre, 121 Mandel, Oscar, 23, 208, 232 Mandrell,
James, 200, 207 Mann, Heinnch, 340-43 Mansfield, Katherine, 206 Mao, Madame
(Jiang Qing), 78, 173, 201.249, 379,403,412 Mao Zedong, 77, 78, 88-89, 99, 118,
173.201.249, 403 Margaret of Navarre, Queen, xxi, 326-31 Marguerite de Valois,
14-15, 412 Marianne (Marivaux), 75, 292 Marie Antoinette, Queen of Prance,
305-6 Marivaux, Pierre, 69, 75, 292 Mark Antony, xix, 8, 12, 13, 145, 159,
172,208,258-61,274, 283, 378, 392, 412 Marx, Groucho, 10 Mary, Queen of Scots,
346 Masculine Dandies, 45-48 masochism, 47, 71, 155, 237, 332, 357, 378 mass
seduction, see Charismatics; politicians; soft sell Maurois, Andre, 83 Maxwell,
Elsa, 313, 314 Mayer, J. P, 125 MemoirsfromBeyondthe Grave (Chateaubriand),
337, 345 Menken, Adah Isaacs, 100 mental superiority, sense of, 155-56
Merteuil, Marquise de (fict.), 418-20 Mesmer, Pranz, 434-35 Messalina, 136-37
Metamorphoses (Ovid), 43-45,71 -74, 121-23, 180-81, 182-83 Metternich, Prince
Klemens von, 188, 343 Michels, Roberto, 77 Middle Ages, 103, 328 courtly love
in, 36-37, 325-26, 331 religious mystics of, 366 troubadours of, xx, 36-37,
291, 325,331 Middleton-Murry,John,206, 208 Midgette, Allen, 72 Midsummer
Night's Dream, A (Shakespeare), 297 Milbanke, Annabella, 353 Miller, Arthur,
12, 13 Ming Huang, Emperor, 76, 174, 270, 272-73 miraculous prophets,
charismatic, 102-4 mirroring, 45, 219-27, 279, 403, 411,412 by Charmers, 82
focused attention in, 226 of gender roles, 224-25 hunter's mirror as symbol of,
226 imitation in, 221-22, 223 indulgence in, 219, 223 of lost ideals, 226
narcissism and, 224 by outsiders, 225 reversal of, 227 of spiritual values, 225
in writing, 257 missing qualities, 149, 207, 208-9 and choice of victim, 171,
173-74 Ideal Lovers and, 32-33, 34-35, 36, 39 mixed signals, 185-94, 223
artificial vs. natural, 189-91 cold vs. hot, 192-93; see also Coquettes depth
suggested by, 185, 192 in first impressions, 191, 192-93 gender roles and, 192
gcod vs. bad, 187-89 imagination engaged by, 191 inner vs. outward qualities
in, 192-93 paradox in, 190-91 in politics, 193 reputation and, 193 reversal of,
194 theater curtain as symbol of, 194 Mohammed Riza Pahlavi, Shah of Iran, 313,
375 Moliere, 22, 207-8, 258 Molina, Tirso de, 19-20, 232 moment, the, 423, 435
abandonment to, 21, 25 leading into, 393, 400, 402-4 Mona Lisa (da Vinci), 188
Mondale, Walter, 450 Monneyron, Prederic, 181-82 Monroe, Marilyn, xxiv, 9-11,
12, 13, 14, 16, 101, 125, 130, 192, 274, 291,338 MonsieurBeaucaire, 44 Montez,
Lola, 173, 199-200, 357 Montpensier, Anne Marie Louise d'Orleans, Duchess de,
179-81, 201,282 mood changes, xix, 7-8, 9, 11, 249, 312, 418-19 moralizers,
anti-seductive, 134, 143-44 Morin, Edgar, 121, 124-25 Morosini, Countess, 328
Moscovici, Serge, 83, 199, 221-22 Moses, 98, 113, 114 Much Ado About Nothing
(Shakespeare), 183 Murasaki Shikibu, xxiv, 25, 61, 63-65, 140-41, 269-71, 287
Musil, Robert, 227 Musset, Alfred de, 40, 281 Mussolini, Benito, 102, 275 Mut,
Professor (fict.), 340-43 Mythic Stars, 123-26 Napoleon I, Emperor of France,
xx, 14, 99, 187, 200, 261, 298, 326 calculated surprise by, 243 as Charismatic,
101, 102, 111 Coquette played by, 77 French re-seduced by, 426-28 insinuation
used by, 216-17 Josephine and, 13, 69-71, 74, 78, 154, 217, 291-92, 390, 412
missing qualities offered by, 1 74 Talleyrand and, 38-39 temptations created
by, 235-36 Napoleon III (Louis-Napoleon), Emperor of France, 339-40 narcissism,
41, 45, 50, 82, 157, 219 of Coquettes, 67, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77 mirroring and,
224 Narcissus, 71-74 natural phenomena, 55 Naturals, 3, 53-66 dangers to, 66
disarming weakness of, 53, 56, 59 examples of, 58-65 fantasy world created by,
63 imps, 56-57, 59-61, 66 independence in,61 innocents, 54, 58-59, 66 lamb as
symbol of, 65 naivete of, 58-59 as potentially irritating, 66 psychological
traits of, 55-57 receptiveness of, 57 spoiled children as, 61 sympathy elicited
by, 53, 56, 59, 66 undefensive lovers, 57, 63-65 wonder children, 57, 61-63
youth and, 66 neediness, 59, 74, 75, 87, 134, 293 Nelson, Viscount Horatio, 304
Nero, Emperor of Rome, 50 New Prudes, 151-52 New York Times, 189, 396 Nicholas,
Grand Duke, 396 Nicholas II, Czar of Russia, 105, 107, 201 Nietzsche,
Friedrich, xxii, xxiii, 36 Andreas-Salome and, 45-46, 47, 52, 197-98, 199, 227
Ninon de l'Enclos, xx, 75, 183, 192, 217, 223, 224-25, 293, 409, 417, 425-26
Niou, Prince (fict.), 25 Nisan, 37 Nixon, Richard M., 123-24, 374, 375 "No
Tomorrow" (Denon), 213-15 Novices, 153 Octavia, 8 Octavius, 8, 16, 145,
378 Odyssey, The (Homer), 7-8, 11, 12-13 oedipal regression, 333, 337, 340-43
Olympian actors, charismatic, 114-16 Onassis, Aristotle, 313 On Love
(Stendhal), 58, 170, 280-82, 284, 375-77 opinion, influencing, xx-xxi oratory,
seductive, xx, 22-23, 24, 114, 115, 235-36, 253-54, 258-60, 261, 275 Orleans,
Duchess d', 21 Orleans, Duke d', 19-20 Orlov, Gregory, 90 Orsay, Count d', 49
Ortega y Gasset, Jose, xxii, 282-83 Otero, Caroline "La Belle," 194,
398, 402, 412 heat projected by, 395-97 Overstreet, H. A., 60 Ovid, xx, xxii,
xxiv, 9, 43-45, 71-74, 81-82, 121-23, 135-36, 172, 179, 180-81, 182-83, 221,
253-54,255,279-80,323, 331, 352, 371-72, 397, 408-9, 418-19, 423-24 Pahlavi,
Mohammed Riza, Shah of Iran, 313, 375 pain,mixing pleasure with, 155, 159, 237,
369-79, 389, 391,410, 415, 418, 424-25 anxiety induced by, 376-77, 378 bracing
effect of, 377 breakups in, 369, 378 calculated absences in, 372, 373-74
emotional highs and lows in, 371-74 fear in, 369, 377-78, 379 guilt in, 369
harshness and kindness in, 374-76 jealousy in, 372, 373, 374, 377 masochistic
yearnings for, 47, 71, 155, 237, 332, 357, 378 precipice as symbol of, 379
reversal of, 379 timing of, 379 Pampered Royals, 151, 421 Paris, xix, 13
Judgment of, 9-11 Pasionaria, La (Dolores Gomez Ibar- ruri), 99-100 Patience
(Gilbert and Sullivan), 189 Pawnbroker, The, 58 Pearl, Cora, 59-61, 66, 291
Pearson, Hesketh, 189-90 Peron, Evita, 110-12 poeticizing of, 279-81, 283-84
Peron, Juan, 111, 279-81 persuasion, xx-xxi, 215-16, 317 argument vs. humor in,
260 emotion vs. reason in, 260-61, 444 Peter I "the Great," Czar of
Russia, 99 Peter III, Czar of Russia, 37, 90, 201, 225, 300 Petronius, 50, 201
Philip III, King of Spain, 234-35 physical lures, 393-404 devil-may-care
attitude and, 404 disordered look in, 402-3 flattery and, 403 focused attention
and, 401-2 heated glances in, 396, 397, 402, 403 as leading into the moment,
393, 400, 402-4 lowering inhibitions by, 393, 397-401 mental activity lulled
by, 393, 400-401, 402, 403 physical excitation aroused by, 399, 400, 402, 403
projected heat in, 393, 395-97 raft as symbol of, 404 reversal of, 404 sensual
appeal of, 402 shared physical activity in, 398, 400, 403 slight physical
contacts in, 395, 396, 397, 400, 403 Picasso, Pablo, 25, 26, 45, 100, 379 art
as lure of, 366 poeticizing of, 283 Picon, Jacinto Octavio, 231-34 Pillow Book
of Sei Shonagon, The, 31-32,50,65,263 Plato, 74-76, 191, 206-7, 208 Plutarch,
8, 46-47, 261 poeticizing oneself, 277-84 bit of doubt in, 282-83 calculated
absences in, 277, 283-84 familiarity vs., 277, 281, 282, 284 halo as symbol of,
284 idealizing one's targets in, 284 objects in, 283 reversal of, 284
self-image and, 281-82 shared experiences in, 283 politicians, xx-xxi, 101,
183, 366, 374-76 anxiety and discontent induced by, 209-10 as Charmers, 81, 82,
83-85, 87, 88-92, 93 as Coquettes, 77 as Dandies, 51 disarming weaknesses of,
292 as Ideal Lovers, 38-39, 40 insinuation used by, 216-17 isolation created
by, 317 mixed signals sent by, 193 re-seduction by, 426-28 soft sell by,
446-48, 450-52 triangles created by, 201-2 victims chosen by, 174 war heroes
as, 329, 446-48 see also Charismatics; oratory, seductive Pompadour, Jeanne
Poisson, Madame de, 16,33-35,36, 127,249, 274, 435 pop art, 71-72, 73
Portsmouth, Louise Keroualle, Duchess of, 420 post-seduction, see disenchantment;
re-seduction Potemkin, Prince Gregory, 274, 300-303 Pougy,Liane de, 361-62,
363, 364 Presley, Elvis, 28, 44, 50, 105-6, 107 pride, excessive, 142 Private
Life of the Marshal Duke of Richelieu, The, 20-21 Professors, 155-56
prostitutes, 40, 354, 356 Proust, Marcel, 70, 283 proving oneself, 25, 321-32,
417, 425 apparent suicide in, 324-25 doubts allayed by, 321, 323, 324
improvisation in, 324-25 passing tests in, 326-31 persistence in, 324-25 rescue
in, 329-30 resistance and, 321, 323, 324 reversal of, 332 risking death in,
327-29 self-sacrifice in, 326-27, 425 tournament as symbol of, 332 unhesitating
action in, 329-30 by war heroes, 327-29 prudery, 151-52 Ptolemy XIV, Pharaoh, 7
Pygmalion, 121-23 Pygmalion complex, 173 Quicksand (Tanazaki), 356 rakehells,
25 Rakes, 3, 17-28, 49, 130, 152, 247, 315-16 as abandoned to moment, 21, 25
Aesthetic, 423 Ardent, 19-21 convention defied by, 26, 27 cruelty of, 26
dangerousness of, 17, 24, 25, 26, 27 dangers to, 28 Demonic, 21-24 derivation
of term, 25 erotic vs. political, 24 extremism of, 26 as female fantasy figure,
17, 20-21, 23, 24-25, 26 fire as symbol of, 27 keys to, 24-27 masculine envy
engendered by, 28 mirroring by, 225-26 obstacles overcome by, 21, 25, 225-26
pleasure offered by, 24, 25, 27 reformation of, 26, 225, 353, 354 Reformed, as
victims, 1 50 reputation of, 20-21, 26-27, 28, 200-201 seductive language of,
17, 19, 20, 22-24, 25 voices of, 22-23 Rank, Otto, 76 Rasputin, Grigori
Efimovich, 100-102,104-5 physical lures of, 403 spiritual lures of, 366, 403
reactors, anti-seductive, 135 Reagan, Ronald, 202 soft sell of, 450-52
Recamier, Madame, 187-89, 192, 217,237,343-46 Ree, Paul, 45-46, 197-98, 199
Reformed Rakes or Sirens, 150 regression, erotic, 333-48 bed as symbol of, 348
ego ideal, 337-38, 343-46 infantile, 336-37, 338-40 oedipal, 333, 337, 340-43
rebellion in, 348 reversal of, 348 reverse parental, 333, 338, 346-48 therapist
role in, 336, 345-46 transference in, 335-36 unconditional love in, 336-37, 340
Reichenbach, Harry, 452-54 Reik, Theodor, 209-10, 336-37, 388-90 reliability,
243 Remarque, Erich Maria, 121 Remembrance ofThingsPast(Proust), 283
Renaissance, 12, 38, 356 reputation, 46, 193, 223, 314, 379 in creation of
triangles, 195, 200-201 of Ideal Lovers, 33, 37-38 mixed signals and, 193 of
Rakes, 20-21, 26-27, 28, 200-201 Rescuers, 157 re-seduction, 415-29, 435
calculated surprises in, 420-21 embers as symbol of, 428 fight against inertia
in, 417-18 intermittent drama in, 423-25 maintaining lightness in, 418, 421,
423 maintaining mystery in, 418 political, 426-28 reversal of, 429 timing of,
428 resistance, xxiii, xxiv, 25, 154, 164, 172, 177, 181, 183, 188, 215, 216,
236, 289, 376, 400, 412, 449 and proving oneself, 321, 323, 324 to temptations,
236 reverse parental regression, 333, 338, 346-48 Richardson, Samuel, 225,
315-16 Richelieu, Duke de, 19-21, 25, 27, 170, 200, 247, 356, 410 Richthofen,
Baroness Frieda von, 206, 423-25 Rilke, Rainer Maria, 46-47, 227 Ring of the
Dove, The: A Treatise on the Art and Practice of Arab Love (Ibn Hazm), 126,
183-84, 409 Robespierre, Maximilien de, 116-17, 118 Rochester, Earl of, 26
Rohan, Cardinal de, 305-6 Romantic Ideal, 31-33 Romanticism, 226, 343
Roosevelt, Franklin Delano, 86, 98-99, 100, 102, 118 seductive oratory of, 260
Rothschild, Baron Elie de, 273 Roues, 157-58 Sabatier, Apollonie, 385-88
Sacher-Masoch, Leopold von, 372, 373-74 Sackville-West, Vita, 102 sadness, air
of, 69, 76, 157, 172, 192, 292, 364-65 Saint-Amand, Imbert de, 69 Sainte-Beuve,
Charles Augustin, 338-39 Saint-Germain, Count, 127-28, 216, 244 Salome, Lou
von, see Andreas- Salome, Lou Saltykov, Sergei, 37-38, 225-26 Sand, George, 40,
49 Sappho, 317, 362-63 Satan, androgyny of, 51 Satyricon(Pe t ro nius),50, 201
saviors, charismatic, 107-9 Savonarola, Girolamo, 101 Schopenhauer, Arthur, 84
Sedgwick, Edie, 72 seducers, xix-xxv amorality of, xxiii-xxiv, 21, 47
appearance of, xix, xx, xxii consistency of, xxii falling in love with, xix,
xxi, xxii male, xx other-directedness of, xxii-xxiii as providers of pleasure,
xxiii resistance to, xxiii, xxiv seductive language of, xx sexual element
utilized by, xxii strategic planning of, xx, xxii, xxiii subtle methods of, xxi
surrender to will of, xxi, xxii, xxiv theatricality of, xx, xxiii warrior's
outlook of, xxii Seducer's Diary, The (Kierkegaard), xxiv, 31, 127, 169-70,
172, 179-80, 182, 193, 201, 224, 254, 255-57, 279, 289-90, 357, 373, 387-88,
389 seduction, derivation of term, xxi Seduction (Baudrillard), xxiii, 9,
127-28, 288, 385 Sei Shonagon, 31-32, 50, 65, 263 selective disclosure, 14-15,
237 self-absorption, 87, 163, 173, 363, 410 of Anti-Seducers, 131, 133, 137,
138, 140 seductive language vs., 258 self-awareness, 100, 131
self-consciousness, 135, 138-40, 354, 359, 363 self-distance, 122, 130
self-esteem, 75, 79, 81, 158, 200, 208, 210, 224, 227, 282 self-image, 281-82
self-loathing, 154, 362, 363 self-sabotage, 378 self-sacrifice, 36-38, 82,
326-27, 425 self-sufficiency, 67, 71, 73, 74-75, 76, 77 Seneca, 50 Sennett,
Mack, 58 Sensualists, 159 Sex Sirens, 9-11 Shahrazad, 245-47 Shakespeare,
William, 50, 107, 183, 258-60, 267-68, 314, 316, 418 Shaw, George Bernard, 126
Sheik, The, 43-44 Shelley, Percy Bysshe, 353 Shi Pei Pu, 173-74, 297-300, 304
Shoulder Anns, 58 Shu-Chiung, 270 Sibony, Daniel, 351 Sieburg, Friedrich, 337
Silenus, 56, 191 Simone, 23 Sirens, xix, 3, 5-16, 26, 28, 152, 155, 184
adornment of, xix, 7, 8, 13, 14-15, 24, 274 appearance of, 8, 9-10, 13, 23
dangerousness of, 5, 1 1, 12-13 dangers to, 1 6 differentiation of, 12 keys to,
11-15 as male fantasy figure, xx, 5,9, 11, 12 men enslaved by, xix, 8, 12 mood
changes of, xix, 7-8, 9, 1 1 movement and demeanor of, 5, 10, 15 in Odyssey,
7-8, 11, 12-13 pleasure offered by, 11 Reformed, as victims, 150 Sex, 9-11
Spectacular, 7-9 theatricality of, 7, 8, 9 of, 7, 9, 10, 13-14 water as symbol
of, 15 Slater, Leonard, 313 Socrates, 74-76, 191-92, 206-7, 208 soft sell,
441-54 components of, 444-46 examples of, 446-54 hard sell vs., 443 origin of,
443 Solanas, Valerie, 78 Sons and Lovers (Lawrence), 206 Spanish Civil War,
99-100 spectacles, 265, 267-69, 275, 301, 447 Spectacular Sirens, 7-9
spirituality, 158 aura of, 38, 98, 358 mirroring of, 225 spiritual lures,
359-67, 403, 404 air of discontent in, 359, 364-65 artistic, 359, 361-62,
365-66 cultic rituals as, 362-63 ennoblement by, 365, 366 in environment,
434-35 lightness induced by, 363 occult fads in, 359, 365 pagan, 362-63, 365
religion in, 359, 363-64 reversal of, 367 sense of destiny in, 177, 359, 365
sexual undertones of, 359, 363-64, 366 stars in the sky as symbol of, 367 timeless
relationship suggested by, 364, 365-66, 367 timing and, 365 worshipful feelings
engendered by, 361-64 spoiled children, 61, 151, 348 spontaneity, sense of, 241
Stael, Madame de, 187-88, 343, 344 Stahl, Lesley, 450-51 Stalin, Joseph, 88-89,
108 Starkie, Walter, 22-23 Stars, 3, 119-30, 153 cinematic creation of, 124-25,
127 dangers to, 130 distinctive style of, 119, 122, 123, 125, 127, 128
dreamlike quality of, 1 1 9, 126, 127, 128 ethereality of, 119, 126-27 face of,
122, 123, 127, 128 Fetishistic, 121-23 glimpsed private life of, 128
identification with, 128-29 idol as symbol of, 129 inner distance of, 123, 125,
129 keys to, 126-29 Mythic, 123-26 as objects, 122, 127-28 obsessive attention
to, 121, 122, 126,130 publicity and, 130 self-distance of, 122, 130 television
and, 123-24, 125 Stendhal, 58, 170, 200, 217, 280-82, 284, 304, 371, 375-77
Stewart, Jimmy, 125, 129 "Story of the Butterfly, The," 298, 299
suffocators, anti-seductive, 134 Sukarno, Kusnasosro, 102, 221-23 Sukarno:
AnAutobiography asToldto Cindy Adams { Adams), 222 Sun-tzu, 315 SuShou, 291
suspense, creation of, see calculated surprises suspicion, 289, 290, 441
sympathy, 53, 56, 59, 66, 285, 292, 293 Symposium, The (Plato), 74-76, 191,
206-7, 208 taboos, transgression of, 349-58 cruelty in, 349, 352, 353, 356-57
forest as symbol of, 358 going to extremes in, 349, 355, 358 incest in, 352-53
lost self recaptured by, 35 1-54 prohibited desires in, 352-53, 354-55 reduced
outlets for, 354 reversal of, 358 secret sins in, 351, 352 sense of guilt in, 349,
355, 357 shared complicity in, 349, 352, 357 social limits in, 349, 353-55,
357, 358 value systems in, 349, 356 Tabouis, G. R., 399-401 Tale ofGenji, The
(Murasaki), xxiv, 25, 61, 63-65, 140-41, 172, 269-71, 287 Tales from the
Thousand and One Nights, 222-26, 244-47 466 • Index Talleyrand-Perigord, Prince
Charles de, 38-39 Tanazaki, Junichiro, 356 Tantalus, 231 Tantrism, 410 Tarde,
Gustave, 83 Tausk, Victor, 198, 199 tayus, 436 tears, 69, 70, 76, 78, 285,
291-92, 311, 373 television, 114, 115, 123-24, 125, 450-51 temptations,
creation of, 229-38, 425 apple in Garden of Eden as symbol of, 237 barriers
established in, 233-34, 236 challenges in, 236-37 deceptive appearances and,
234 forbidden fruit in, 231-34, 237, 244 future gains in, 235-36 opportunity in,
237 reversal of, 238 selective disclosure in, 14-15, 237 weakness as target in,
229, 234-37 That Obscure Object of Desire, 373 theatricality, xx, xxiii,
267-69, 421-23 of bold movers, 411-12 of Charismatics, 100 of environment, 431,
433-34, 436, 439 of Sirens, 7, 8, 9 spectacles in, 265, 267-69, 275, 301,447
Theosophical Society, 109 third parties, 273 in indirect approach, 177, 183 see
also jealousy; triangles, creation of Thus Spake Zarathustra (Nietzsche), 46
Tiberius, Emperor of Rome, 317 tightwads, anti-seductive, 134-35 time, altered
sense of, 431-39 Casanova's creation of, 435, 438-39 timidity, 410, 426 timing:
of Charmers, 90-91, 92, 93 of Coquettes, 78 dramatic moments in, 435 of pain
mixed with pleasure, 379 of re-seduction, 428 speed and youth in, 435 spiritual
lures and, 365 Tito, Josef, 77 Todellas, Don Juan de (fict.), 231-34 Tragedy
ofKingRichardlll, The (Shakespeare), 314, 316 transference, 335-36 triangles,
creation of, 195-202 aura of desirability from, 195, 199-201, 202 contrasts in,
201-2 jealousy engendered by, 197-98 by politicians, 201-2 reputation in, 195,
200-201 reversal of, 202 rivalry stimulated by, 200 trophy as symbol of, 202
vanity and, 200, 201 Tristan and Isolde, 12, 190-92, 354-55, 357 troubadours,
xx, 36-37, 291, 325, 331 Trouncer, Margaret, 187-88 Truman, Harry S., 99, 118,
123, 124, 128 Tsao Hsueh Chin, 270-72 Tsu Hsi, Empress Dowager, 267-69 Tullia
d'Aragona, 12, 38, 40, 173, 182, 330-32 Tuperselai, 397-98 ukiyo
("floating world"), 435-37 ulterior motives, 21,142-43 unattainability,
apparent, 192, 201, 321 "Uncanny, The" (Freud), 301-2 unconditional
love, 336-37, 340 undefensive lovers, 57, 63-65 Valentino, Rudolph, 43-44, 52,
356-57 patient attentiveness of, 38, 43, 44, 50, 273-74 Valmont, Vicomte de
(fict.), 25, 169-71, 287-89, 290, 407-9, 412 Valois, Mademoiselle de, 19-20
Vanderbilt, William, 396 vanity, 71, 74, 79, 81, 135, 171, 195, 199, 200, 210,
226, 235, 259, 314, 408-9, 426 victims, 147-60 Aging Babies, 156-57 Beauties,
156 Conquerors, 153-54 Crushed Stars, 152-53 Disappointed Dreamers, 150-51
Drama Queens, 155 Exotic Fetishists, 154-55 Floating Genders, 160 Idol
Worshipers, 158 Lonely Leaders, 159 New Prudes, 151-52 Novices, 153 Pampered
Royals, 151 Professors, 155-56 Reformed Rakes or Sirens, 150 Rescuers, 157 Roues,
157-58 Sensualists, 159 victims, choice of, 12, 40, 167-75 big game as symbol
of, 174 deceptive appearances and, 173 evaluating responses in, 171-72 exciting
tension in, 171, 173 imagination and, 172 leisure time in, 173 manly men as,
12, 172 missing qualities and, 171, 173-74 new types as, 170, 172 one's own
type as, 149 personal reactions in, 167, 170, 171, 172, 290, 397 in politics,
174 repressed types as, 173-74 reversal of, 175 unhappiness and, 167, 172
vulnerability in, 170-71 victim strategy, 287-89, 292 Victoria, Queen of
England, 51, 83-85, 143, 145, 210, 236, 274-75, 284 Vietnam War, 374-75
Villarceaux, Marquis de, 425-26 Virgin ofStamboul, The, 452-53 Viscontini,
Countess Metilda, 377 Vivien, Renee, 317, 362-63 voices, 22-23, 34, 115, 259, 261,
268, 297, 351,395 of Sirens, 7, 9, 10, 13-14 Voltaire, 34 von Sternberg, Josef,
121-22, 373 vulgarians, anti-seductive, 135-36 Wadler, Joyce, 297 Wagner,
Richard, 100 war heroes, 327-29, 446-48 Warhol, Andy, 33-34, 49, 52, 71-73, 78,
126, 128, 192 calculated surprise by, 248 Factory as environment of, 437-38
triangles created by, 200 Washington, George, 99 Wayne, John, 51, 125 Wayward
Head and Head, The (Crebil- lon fils), 138-40, 402 weaknesses, disarming,
285-93 blemish as symbol of, 292 gender differences in, 291 genuine, 290
"honest" confessions of, 284, 285, 287-88, 289 of Naturals, 53, 56,
59 occasional glimpses of, 290, 291 pathetic vs., 290, 293 in playing the
victim, 285, 287-89, 292 of politicians, 292 reversal of, 293 shyness as, 285,
290, 291 suspicion reduced by, 289, 290 sympathy evoked by, 285, 292, 293 tears
as, 285, 291-92 of troubadours, 291 Weber, Max, 97-98, 106 Webster, Lady
Frances, 352, 357 Wedekind, Franz, 46 Weekley, Ernest, 423-24 Welles, Orson,
313, 314 Wellington, Arthur Wellesley, Duke of, 188, 343-44 Welter, Blanca
Rosa, see Christian, Linda Whitmer, Peter, 107 Wilde, Oscar, 49, 188, 189-90,
192, 193, 234 Williams, Tennessee, 72 Wilson, Harriette, 48-49 windbags,
anti-seductive, 135, 145 withdrawal,
strategic, 383-90, 418, 424 aggressive pursuit motivated by, 387, 389, 390
anxiety induced by, 388-89, 390, 391 doubts created by, 383, 389, 390 infantile
experiences re-created by, 388-91 interest in another person as, 383, 387, 390,
392,419; see also triangles, creation of letter-writing in, 385-86, 387, 388,
389 pomegranate as symbol of, 391 reversal of, 392 role reversal engendered by,
391 selective, by Coquettes, 67, 70-71, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 390 sexless
neutrality in, 389-90 subtlety in, 389 see also calculated absences WomanandPuppet{
Louys), 371-74 wonder children, 57, 61-63 Woolf, Virginia, 34 World War I,
22-23, 58, 59, 107, 327-29, 396 World War II, 86, 100, 114, 115, 217,253, 328
writing, 251, 254, 255-58, 288 guidelines for, 257-58 mirroring in, 257 in
strategic withdrawal, 385-86, 387, 388, 389 Yang Kuei-Fei, 76, 174, 270,
272-73, 274 Zeus (Jupiter), xxiii, 9, 57, 58, 182-83, 256-58, 287-88 Zhou
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